#toxic people hate boundaries
Ok so I’m sad and having all kinds of feelings and I’m going to vent. I took in my friends sister and baby nephew and helped them navigate the DCS system so their family wouldn’t fall to pieces. I won’t go into the details, but i will say that they would have lost the baby without my help. It’s been 7 weeks and there’s all kinds of stressful system navigating going on as well as the mother (my friends sister) has several undiagnosed health problems going on so there’s that as an added complication.
I’m tits deep in their family situation, I completely rearranged my life to help them and now my friend is being a jerk and giving me the silent shitty treatment because I’ve been setting boundaries with him. Before it was just fun buddy hangout stuff, but taking on this guardian role and dealing with the state has changed my general outlook on life so hanging out with him isn’t fun anymore. We do not see eye to eye anymore and I’m resentful because his behavior was part of the problem which caused DCS to take the kid. When he comes over it’s less helpful than one would like. He won’t change a diaper, he won’t wash bottles. He’s technically not even supposed to be alone with the kid without a DCS approved Responsible Adult there too. He does bring over resources however and I’m grateful for that, but when he’s here he’s a distraction. He holds the baby and talks at us about all kinds of stuff that takes more brainpower than any of us want to use. We need rest and a chance to relax, we don’t want to entertain him. He makes bold and frustrating statements that generally make me uncomfortable and then if you have a different opinion then he debates you on its legitimacy. It’s just not fun having him around. I’ve been more brusque with him than I ever have, I could have been more graceful with the way I set boundaries with him. I could have just nodded and said “oh that’s awesome” and patronized him when he’s talking about things that trigger my PTSD. I can’t do that shit anymore. I thought our friendship was strong enough to endure me telling the truth to him but apparently it’s not.
Another thing that should be mentioned- I was and still am vehemently child-free. I would have never done this for anyone besides who I considered to be a Very Good Friend. For him to be consistently inconsiderate and entitled is very hurtful. I’d never do that to a friend.
The kid is great though and loves me so that’s kind of nice.
