#tracy boys

Please send Gordon.

I’ve had the most horrendous week at work. I started back after lockdown with a new regional and departmental manager, and both walked out without serving out their notice a few days ago. I am now the most senior person in my department and am basically propping everything up. I’m trying to juggle an insane amount of pressure while keeping the morale in what little remains of my team high, but got it all thrown back in my face earlier when I divulged to a colleague that the stress is getting to me, only to be harshly told, ‘if you think you’ve got it bad, imagine how I feel.’

Instant invalidation.

I also heard on the grapevine this evening that two more colleagues (from different departments) are also leaving, which will push my schedule to breaking point. My team is small by most business’s standards (18 at last count), and 4 have left in 3 weeks. It’s a train wreck complete with burning passengers.

I had a horrendous bout of anxiety that led to a mini breakdown in 2019, however have managed to get the worst of it under control since then. This last week has been the first time in nearly 2 years that some of the old symptoms have started returning. I’m not sleeping through the night, my pig-like appetite isn’t as pig-like as usual, and I’m constantly battling the urge to cry.

I also found out the other day that my godmother has Covid. She’s fully vaccinated and isn’t showing symptoms, but catastrophic thinking is making it hard for me to rationalise her situation.

I’m sorry to dump this here, but I’m starting to feel a bit directionless, and that in itself is scary. I know my situation isn’t that bad and I really shouldn’t complain, but it’s cathartic to type stuff out. I’m aiming to leave my current post within the next couple of months, but patience is something I don’t have much of right now. What’s most upsetting is the fact that the stress is preventing me from interacting with the fandom and the boy that literally keep me afloat some days

I can’t begin to thank @willow-salix,@olliepig,@lunalittlemiss,@sugar-fiend,@godsliltippy,@squiddokiddo,@fallenfurther,@inertplanetary, @cg29and@hedwigstalons enough for putting up with me of late. I appreciate all of you beyond words and I’m sorry for being rubbish these last few weeks.

I also hate that I lack the brainpower to engage with all of the amazing content that’s been posted here recently  I used to look so forward to coming on here of an evening, but now all I do is scroll without seeing stuff and I hate it 

Merry Christmas

遅刻してすみませんでした。

(I’m sorry I was late.)

26/12/2020