#tw complaining

What’s up tumblr. I see I have not been here for… over six months. Times are strange though and I am feeling utterly alone and not handling it. I live with my 6 month old pup in a regional Australian city where I have failed to make any sort of friends. 

Over the last two and a half weeks I’ve tried really hard to stay isolated (because I could). I spent the first weekend at my parents to try to convince them similar. I spent a day and a half at my university campus to grab what I needed and turn my nose up at everyone else who wasn’t working from home (they could have been). I drove all the way to Melbourne (2.5 hours) to give my one friend a lift to the airport because he’s legit just packed up and moved to Japan because he had a job lined up and figured why not. 

I have had a mid-level falling out with part of my extended family. I can’t be bothered rehashing but they are putting my grandparents at significant risk, they are asking everyone else for money to pay for what the rest of us would do for free, and they are basically just assholes. Everyone agrees with me, but no one will do anything about it. And, at the end of the day, the way they’re positioning themselves (to be able to inherit more of my grandparents’ estate) is putting my granny and pop at a much higher level of risk than they need to be. 

I have a neighbor who lives in one of the houses over the back of me. Never seen them, don’t know exactly which house, but it’s a woman and a man that have screaming matches 2-3 times a week. He’s the aggressor, she mostly just screams and begs. I’ve never heard evidence that it’s physical but I would bet it often is. I’ve called the local cops twice. Today I called emergency. 

My income is pretty safe, I think. I live with a rambunctious but reasonably lovely pup. I can actual work a bit from home. I have savings and get afford my rent, my bills, anything I desire. But I am struggling a bit and being an introverted loner, I’m utterly without a soul to talk to. I tried my family and it made it worse. Even the friend now in Japan definitely thinks I’m going a bit nuts. This all just hammers home the reality I faced years ago which was that I ultimately wasn’t getting much out of life and my continued existence was really just a nice thing to do for my family. 

So I’m back, at least to post this very maudlin update. Sighhhhhhhh.