#tw sexual assault

It has come to attention that my name has been thrown around alongside some hefty accusations.

Let me preface this by saying:

• I had no idea.
• I am hardly a “Joel Kinnaman expert.”

I’ve had a crush on him since 2016. I am not one to have a crush on someone, and then have to know everything there is to know about them. Everything I find out about people is on mainstream media, or if I notice a headline in a magazine that sparks my own interest in wanting to develop an informed opinion.

I will admit, I received a previous anon which I deleted. It simply said “rapist supporter .” It triggered me — it came out of nowhere, I was surprised, and it brought back some memories I would prefer be left behind. I initially thought it might’ve been about Dominique de Haan, as her information page has not been updated. She was a Davis Calloway pairing, and was made pre-season 1B was published and everything that Davis had done (which had NOT been set-up in 1A, mind you) came to light. That was my rationalisation at the time. I admit my mistake.

Joel Kinnaman does not have the same starpower as Johnny Depp. Where the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard situation (not the same situation) was on every magazine front page, Joel has not been. As Johnny was a huge figure in my and my friends’ childhoods, naturally we spoke about it. But Joel is very much lesser-known. I seem to be the only one among them who even know his real name (otherwise he’s referred to as Rick Flag), or have even seen Altered Carbon.

I have also been living in Taiwan for the past three years, and although my Mandarin has reached “decent”, I’m still terrible at reading it. But there was nothing to read, because he never made it to a front page.

I don’t actively seek out celebrity drama. I have enough things to deal with on my own, and within my circle of friends, both online and physical. Not always bad things, but everyone deals with their own stuff, good and bad, and I prefer to share in that with people I know, rather than celebs.

I also don’t actively seek out this kind of news, because it is very triggering for me. As someone who has seen both sides of this coin — both as a victim and as someone who is close with a falsely accused (I’m not saying these allegations are false, but I am saying that my particular person’s was, because they’d been with me that entire night on a camping trip and the girl admitted to lying) — I tend to avoid triggers such as searching “Joel Kinnaman rape allegations.” It was a very disturbing and harrowing experience for me, and I have fortunately made it out okay, to the point I can even reas about other women’s accounts. But if it’s thrown at me with no warning, I still shut down occasionally, and that’s okay. That’s how I cope.

Saying “how hard is it to Google Joel Kinnaman” is a moot point, because when you do, nothing turns up immediately. I don’t vet my FCs, I just go for who fits in the role I’ve made up. If you do scour every single actors entire history for controversies before you cast them, then more power to you, but I am not someone with that much time.

That being said, I have now done the research. And my opinion is that I will wait for the trial before I fully decide to cancel and villainise him. He has been nothing but cooperative with the authorities, and was also granted a restraining order. That should mean something. There has been no more word on the matter since August 2021.

However, I am open to recasting Elijah Pierce. Should anyone have a good alternative for the character I have mapped out, I am open to hearing it.

In the meantime, get my name out your mouth. Please. This is not a conversation I want to constantly be a part of.