Eric Carmen’s song “All By Myself” is the only song featured in “Under Wraps”. Other than “Get Down Tonight” by KC and the Sunshine Band, which is also prominently featured.
A comedy-adventure in which three twelve-year-olds have a close encounter with a 3,000-year-old mummy. Marshall, Gilbert and Amy accidentally set the mummy free, but if they don’t get him back to his resting place by midnight on Halloween, he’ll turn into dust and lose his only chance of being reunited with his long-lost love.
*Trigger Warning - Themes of Sexual Assault/Rape Culture
Okay. This might be a long ass review because when I finally decided to continue on with this blog A WHOLE ASS YEAR LATER, I naturally had to check to see what the next episodes are.
Lo and behold, what follows is a string of extremely unsettling and high-key problematic behavior towards women that happens in multiple episodes. In fact, there are three episodes in a row! They followed each other like the Human Centipede! Yvette is unfortunately the victim, either directly or indirectly, in a few of them, in fact.
We begin this episode with Marcus and Mo talking about stupid basketball or something. I don’t even know why they care because their team is a joke and only won games when TJ coached. Their little basketball plans get interrupted because Yvette is pulling out mats for her women’s self defense class.
Finally, a decision made by Piedmont that I actually agree with! Every woman should definitely learn how to protect herself and this should be something mandated in high schools so we can prevent more women from experiencing sexual assault until rape culture is dismantled. Good job, Piedmont! Naturally, the boys are okay with this, knowing that they are men and a part of the problem whether they like it or not. They graciously apologize and head out to find another location to shoot hoops.
Sike. Did we really expect anything noble from this dumb duo? Marcus is the horniest boy on the show and Mo more than likely would become an active–andenthusiastic–participant in his own statutory rape.
You would think they’d keep the same energy when the rest of the ladies walk in, but nope! Mo’s wee-wee starts tingling at the sight of the girls doing some light stretching before learning how to fend off an attacker for being rejected or whatever ego-bruising was done. The two then decide to finagle their way into this class to…what? What the fuck do they want to do, exactly? It’s a self defense class. What, do you want to play the role of the guy she has to fend off? Do you think this ex-Navy Seal is going to teach these men the moves that women need to learn to defend themselves from them? That’s literally like giving your enemy the gun. I just…what? I’m literally rolling my eyes watching these two. I’m pretty sure they didn’t think they’d be used as human dummies, an excellent choice, in my opinion. I get it, they’re stupid Horny Teenage Boyz ™ but this is exactly where the shit starts. And the lawsuits begin.
Mo and Marcus are now discussing their problematic plan with TJ, who usually plays along with whatever misogynistic moment is unfolding. Maybe it’s to fit in with the guys, maybe it’s because TJ just hates women and/or has mommy issues since his succumbed to the Dead Mom disease. Seriously, moms in Disney movies really just go poof and there’s no real explanation. We still don’t know how their mom passed.
TJ suggests they use the law of reverse disenfranchisement in which they argue that it’s sexist to not permit them to join a women’s self defense class just as it would be sexist for men to cut them out of something simply because of gender.
I want to jump through this screen because it’s a false equivalence and because things that exclude the majority of a group exist for a reason. HBCUs exist for a reason even though white people still attend and manage to steal the spotlight from the people who are supposed to be benefitting from attending. Gay/queer clubs exist for a reason, besides hosting amazing drag shows. Women-only things exist for a reason. Ugh. Fuck these clowns.
Apparently, Marcus suggested dressing like a girl to get in, probably unknowingly inspiring the plot of a movie that would be released 5 years later. Once he begins describing what slingbacks are, the guys look at Marcus like he’s sus.
Anyways, the teacher enters the classroom and orders Marcus to take off his hat because of a rule that I’m more than certain he has expressed before: no hats in class. Is it a little racist? Yes, at least maybe I think so because damn, what if you’re having a bad hair day? The times in between my last retwist and my upcoming retwist warrant a hat sometimes, just saying…
Marcus surrenders his beanie but Mr. Delk, yet another teacher we’ll never see again, is going to be bothered more by TJ than Marcus’s stupid banana yellow hat. I guess he was really inspired by P. Diddy or something.
TJ doesn’t belong in public school at all but his dad most likely cannot afford elite education for him. So TJ is left to outsmart his teacher and bring up facts and other tidbits that most of them probably don’t know because they’re only doing this teenage babysitting gig to get out of paying their student loans and are just reciting shit from an outdated textbook since they teach in a low income–aka Black–area and are giving you quizzes and tests to measure your reading comprehension. Am I a little bitter over the shit education I received? No, what makes you think that?
Now granted, TJ actually did have a good argument with the establishment of colonies and whatnot and I’m sure he would make for great reading material on Reddit comment boards, but TJ, like most boys/men, don’t know how to read the room. We’re in school. It’s boring, it’s pointless, we know you’re still not being challened enough, but just let this man do his job. I know TJ is a child but sometimes he acts like an adult who obviously knows better but switches back and forth frequently. Please don’t call me insensitive, it’s just hard to empathize with him sometimes because he’s so damn cunning.
Of course, TJ doesn’t stop and continues pretending to be the teacher. Mr. Delk rightfully tells TJ to just write down his bountiful musings. So he does. With a whole ass laptop that he’s typing furiously loud on. I know this man is probably racist but I actually feel bad for him.
We’re at the Henderson crib now. TJ and Marcus are both butthurt over the confiscation of their personal items, namely Marcus’s P. Diddy-esque hat and TJ’s gigantic laptop. Of course, TJ is not telling the whole story, so Papa Floyd is tight. Naturally, he doesn’t give a shit about Marcus’s hat because of its trivial nature. Fuck that hat.
Jeez, nobody in this family has learned anything when it comes to this white man. Yvette comes in and Floyd asks her about this Mr. Delk. Yvette says he has 12, count ‘em, twelve of her hats. Look, I know it’s the 90s and things are not astronomically priced yet, but if you can help it, at least stop wearing the damn hats to class? Take 'em off and then put them back on later? I don’t know if I’m on the teacher’s side or the student’s side, but maybe there’s a dress code or something? I take my fashion seriously as well, but geez.
It’s the next day. Marcus is actually waiting for Yvette outside of the girl’s bathroom to pester her to let he and Mo in the women’s self defense class. Yvette already knows, hip to her brother’s asshattery and declines instantly. The two attempt to use the whole double standard narrative on Yvette, who is smarter than both of them and figures out the best way to utilize them.
Now, I understand–actually, no, I don’t–how teenage boys operate when it comes to even the microscopic chance of getting laid, but to become a dummy for a woman’s self defense class? Even Mo asks if this is even worth it. No. It is not worth it. You’re being creeps. Yvette thanks them by walking over Marcus and Mo’s stomachs respectively. I love Yvette.
It’s early morning as I write this and I am trying my hardest not to raise my cortisol levels but these idiots are walking into Mr. Delk’s classroom discussing which girl is cuter, the one who used mace or the one with the chokehold. This is literally rape culture defined. A girl tells you no or fights you off and you take that as a cue to keep trying until she changes her mind because fuck what the meat popsicle with titties has to say. She’s not an actual person. The fact that they’re doing all of this just to ask them out later is the exact reason why they even need this defense class to begin with.
Mackey’s dumb ass also decided to wear a hat to this man’s classroom. Ok, I take it back, he’s not racist, these kids are just really uncooperative.
TJ begins disrupting the class yet again, arguing back and forth about the Declaration of Independence. The school ends up calling Floyd because duh, TJ is preventing his teacher from doing his job. He’s also preventing the other students from learning, too. Floyd has to know that TJ isn’t telling the whole story. When he emerges from Mr. Delk’s classroom, hatless–I really hope a grown man didn’t force another grown man to take off his hat…–and upset with TJ. TJ ends up running away after complaining that his dad is taking Mr. Delk’s side.
Back at the Henderson crib, Marcus is pondering whether or not his future wife broke his rib. TJ asks if there’s a less dangerous way he can get his dick wet. This is the only time I agree with TJ in this episode. Marcus asks what TJ is doing and it turns out the lil’ narcissist is simply not going to just take this L and keep it pushing. Oh no, now he’s doing research and getting written proof to prove this poor, underpaid man wrong. Marcus doesn’t think he can accomplish this feat of getting a teacher to admit he’s wrong, but he clearly doesn’t know his little brother.
Floyd comes in and TJ is being shitty towards him. Not surprising at all. You disagree with TJ, you’re on his bad side for life until you kiss his ass again. Afterwards, we cut to Mo and Marcus flirting with the women who are kicking their asses. And the girls are actually going along with it? What? But then I thought about it. Knowing Yvette, she told the girls about them and they’re just pretending to be interested. This girl is so over the top and fake with her delivery that I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just helping Yvette teach them a lesson.
Mo shoots his shot with this gorgeous dark-skinned girl who blows him off at first because she made him cry and she feels bad. Mo is persistent, however, and she relents. I really hope this part of the act. Yvette walks past and tells the boys that they’re both “going to hell for this,” and in true hetero male fashion, Marcus tells her that at least they’re going with dates. I cannah.
It’s a new day in Mr. Delk’s classroom and before this man can even say 'good morning’ to his students, TJ is already revved up. He presents Mr. Delk with proof that we’ve all been barbequing on the wrong day and that we should be getting August 2nd off instead.
Unfortunately, after TJ’s win, the class gets disrespectful as fuck for no reason. Again, I actually feel bad for this guy. He just wants to do his job and now that he’s lost control of these kids, he can’t. They don’t trust anything he says. Just kidding, they don’t wanna do any work, that’s all.
A defeated Delk calls TJ to the class and although I’m sure he wished corporal punishment was still a thing, he instead just hands the pointer to TJ and leaves the classroom. With the little guy in charge, the class is finally free to not learn, yay! TJ does try to teach the class but they are so not taking orders from a preteen. Everyone proceeds to defiantly put their hats back on. These kids really take their headwear seriously.
TJ sulks back to the teacher’s lounge where he and Mr. Delk have a heart to heart. He actually seems like a nice guy, still open to hearing out TJ and even teaching him a lesson in the process. However, we never see him again so I assume this was the final straw and he just wanted to make nice with the kid before he quit or transferred to another district.
Marcus and Mo are back at the Henderson crib preparing for their dates but they’re sore from being beat the fuck up by their future baby mamas. The girls come over, dressed in their adorable 90s outfits and help the boys get comfy since they can’t move. Then they bounce. I love it. They were in on the plan. I really can’t believe the boys thought these two queens would sit at home with them when they were clearly dressed to go out but more hetero male things have happened. They end up watching the Golden Girls together. Hey, at least they have each other.
A bewildered Floyd comes home as the ladies are leaving, confused as to why they’re not with the boys. Floyd doesn’t even bother to ask. He’s come to settle things with TJ. However, TJ is finally being level-headed and admits to his wrongdoings. This was funny. Floyd was preparing to go back and forth with TJ for about 120 minutes so he decides to fill that time with a movie instead. They even share a cute little moment where Floyd gives him a piggyback ride. Aww.
Things I noticed:
- “Trust me Morris, the Medieval Saxons did not invent the Saxophone.” The dryness in the way Mr. Delk delivered that line took me out.
- TJ imitates Mo sleeping with his eyes open. Later on in the series, Mo will fall asleep, not only with his eyes open but standing up. What the fuck has this teenage boy been through where he can dissociate on the spot and fall asleep without closing his goddamn eyelids? First he’s breaking into their house to eat and now this?
- The girl who was choking Marcus was the perky drive-thru lady in the Disney horror film Under Wraps! She was also in Power Rangers Turbo.
