#unlikely marriage

Slytherin hubby. I hate my new job, no one’s kind to me.

Hufflepuff me. If no one is kind to you, be the first.

Hufflepuff me. You’re so enticing, so sexy, so compelling…. *kisses his jaw*

Slytherin hubby. …hmm am I?

Hufflepuff me. Yeah… I want to nibble you slowly…. *nuzzling his neck*

Slytherin hubby. … *wispering* Maybe we should get off the bus first, the muggles are staring.

Hufflepuff me. Your friends are adorable.

Slytherin hubby. *frowns* They’re a bunch of dysfunctional adults with emotional issues and a bad sense of humor.

Hufflepuff me. Yeah, I love them.

Hufflepuffme. Let’s go out tonight.

Slytherin hubby. Sure, what would you like? An Italian trattoria? A French bistrot? An alpine gasthof?

Hufflepuff me. … booze!!!!

Hufflepuff me. Can you believe they asked me 12 galleons for a new wand???

Slytherin hubby. That’s a felony!

Hufflepuff me. I got it for 7.

Slytherin hubby. What?! How?

Hufflepuff me. Oh, I stood there and smiled.

Slytherin hubby. You just… smiled?

Hufflepuff me. For three hours. Without blinking.

Hufflepuff me. I want cuddles.

Slytherin hubby. *groans*

Hufflepuff me. It’s been forever since we’ve cuddled!

Slytherin hubby. We always cuddle.

Hufflepuff me. No we don’t.

Slytherin hubby. Yes we do.

Hufflepuff me. When.

Slytherin hubby. … Several times a year?

Slytherin hubby. Slippers are not shoes.

Hufflepuff me. They go on your feet, they’re shoes.

Slytherin hubby. Socks go on your feet too, are they shoes?

Hufflepuff me. …

Hufflepuff me. … well, if they’re non-slip so-

Slytherin hubby. MERLIN’S BLOODY BALLS! SOCKS ARE NOT SHOES WHAT THE FUCK!

Slytherin hubby. My heart is a pit of despair.

Hufflepuff me. Is it now?

Slytherin hubby. Yes. And you’re a spear of light that pierces through it.

Hufflepuff me. You should quit reading Lord Byron.

Hufflepuff me. Love? Can you come here a minute and tell me what you think of this dress?

Slytherin hubby. *walks in from the other room*

Hufflepuff me. *stands naked holding up the dress in hand*

Slytherin hubby. …?! You’re not wearing the dress.

Hufflepuff me. Didn’t say I was.

Slytherin hubby. ….. You’re learning.

Gryffindor sister. You know, your husband wouldn’t even be that bad If it wasn’t for that mouth and that attitude…

Hufflepuff me. *gasp* Are you finally starting to re-evaluate him?!

Gryffindor sister. … Well, he’s got great arse.

Hufflepuff me. ….

Hufflepuff me. …. yeah.

Hufflepuff me. I wish everyone could see you like I do. The real you under all your fancy clothes.

Slytherin hubby. *quirks eyebrow*

Hufflepuff me. Wait that came out wrong.

Hufflepuff me. I strongly believe in kindness.

Slytherin hubby. I’m aware. There’s no other explanation as to why you’d be married to me otherwise.

Slytherin hubby. *steps out the floo to find me and his damn cat curled together on the couch wearing matching party hats*.

Slytherin hubby. I… what… Am I dreaming this?

Hufflepuff me. Happy birthday my love.

Hufflepuff me. You drive me mad!

Slytherin hubby. Sanity is overrated anyway.

~Hogwarts memories~

Gryffindor friend. What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be an Auror!

Ravenclaw friend. I want to be a Healer.

Hufflepuff me. I want to be happy.

Slytherin crush. That’s the most low key Slytherin thing I’ve ever heard a Hufflepuff say.

Hufflepuff me. Sometimes I think I’m doing everything wrong in my life.

Slytherin hubby. Not everything. You’re doing me.

Slytherin hubby. Hmmm… silky skin…. silky hair…. who is this gorgeous creature I see?

Hufflepuff me. *calls from the other room* are you talking to yourself in the mirror again???

Hufflepuff me. I really love that outfit on you, definitely my favorite.

Slytherin hubby. *toweling off after shower* I’m bloody naked.

Hufflepuff me. *hums appreciatively *

Hufflepuff me. *purrs*

Slytherin hubby. Hmmm….

Slytherinhubby. *grabs quill and parchment*

Slytherin hubby. “Do NOT use catnip as substitute to english tyme to make Pepperup Potion”.

~Early dating was like~

Slytherin hubby. So, umm.. we’re officially dating yeah? Do we, I don’t know… hold hands?

Hufflepuff me. *freezes halfway to pulling off my shirt*…. Umm… yeah, sure.

Slytherin hubby. I’ll never understand your fascination with classical arts.

Hufflepuff me. Don’t you ever get that compelling need to just stand in front of something magnificently pure and beautiful?

Slytherin hubby. You can look at my face anytime, love.

Hufflepuff me. We won’t let the hard times we go through define us, right?!

Slytherin hubby. Right, we’ll just let them give us crippling anxiety and a twisted sense of humor.

Hufflepuff me. I’m sorry, I’m just having a really bad day.

Slytherin hubby. Even on your worst days, you’re still the best thing that ever happened to me.

Slytherin hubby. *yells from the bedroom* You have to come here immediately, this is an emergency!

Hufflepuff me. *eye rolls* if you’re looking for your Tuesday shirt, you’ve left it at your friend’s house last week. You remember? The night you got drunk, lost a bet and came home wearing just wet socks and a cloak…?

Slytherin hubby. *comes out grinning madly* what a glorious night that was.

Slytherin hubby. What is your favorite flower?

Hufflepuff me. I don’t know, never thought about it… poppies maybe. Or peonies… or buttercups… but do people really have just one favorite flower?

Slytherin hubby. I do.

Hufflepuff me. *eyes him curiously* You have one favorite flower?

Slytherin hubby. Yes. You.

Slytherin hubby. We are not meant to be so far apart.

Hufflepuff me. We are not far apart. You just want me to sit on the couch with you so I can rub your feet.

~ pillow talk ~

Slytherin hubby. Wish we could stay like this until the end of time.

Hufflepuff me. Well…

Slytherin hubby. What now.

Hufflepuff me. … technically time as we know it is a social construct so…

Slytherin hubby. NO.

Slytherin hubby. Remember when you used to be shy and demure and easily embarrassed?

Hufflepuff me. Umm no.

Slytherin hubby. Me neither.

Hufflepuff me. Hmm… how I love summer…

Slytherin hubby. *looking very annoyed* I’m sweating.

Hufflepuff me. If only you hadn’t come to the beach in a suit.

Hufflepuff me. You always get mad at me for the stupidest reasons.

Slytherin hubby. I most certainly do not.

Hufflepuff me. You did the other day! Just because I was singing in the shower.

Slytherin hubby. … We were together and I was trying to kiss you!

Slytherin hubby. There’s no possible life I could ever live in which I wouldn’t fall in love with you.

Hufflepuff me. What if in another life I was, idk… a kangaroo?

Slytherin hubby. … I swear romance is wasted on you.

Hufflepuff me. Stop looking at me like that. I won’t do it.

Slytherin hubby. *stares at me*

Hufflepuff me. I won’t.

Slytherin hubby. Oh, but you know you will.

Hufflepuff me. *shakes head*

Slytherin hubby. Cause you’re loyal…

Hufflepuff me. Stop it

Slytherin hubby. *steps closer* … and unafraid of toil…

Hufflepuff me. Fuck.

~ Memories of a June’s night ~

Slytherin hubby. Did you know that in Italian a wedding ring is called “faith”?

Hufflepuff me. I didn’t! That’s…. beautiful.

Slytherin hubby. So… I was wondering… will you put your faith on me?

Hufflepuff me. ….

Hufflepuff me. Wait. What the hell is happening here???

Slytherin hubby. I’m not ready to part.

Hufflepuff me. It’s just a work trip, I’ll be back in a couple days…

Slytherin hubby. I’m dead already.

Hufflepuff me. To love is to compromise.

Slytherin hubby. You’re right.

Hufflepuff me. So?

Slytherin hubby. What.

Hufflepuff me. Will you compromise???

Slytherin hubby. I did! I said you’re right. Is anything ever enough for you?