#slytherpuff
Hogwarts houses as things I’ve said as a Skating Coach
Gryffindor: “I didn’t teach him that! He came up with that dangerous idea all on his own!”
Also
(to my own coach) “Now I understand the stress I put you through evertime I tried something stupid”
Slytherin: “I better come back in 6 years and find that you’re all better skaters than I ever was. Your challenge: kick my ass”
Ravenclaw: Apparently physics doesn’t apply to 6 year olds.
Hufflepuff: I know we all hate backwards… But what if I made it a GAME!?
Gryffindor: Now, guys, I have a little surprise for you!
Slytherin: You’re getting a nose job?
Hufflepuff: You’re getting married?
Ravenclaw: You’re getting fired?
Gryffindor: …
Gryffindor: First of all, RUDE, second -
Slytherin:
Sit on their lap to give them perfect eyeliner / Write comebacks to rude messages / Hype them up before they speak to their crushes / Lend them my hats to spice up their outfits / Give them honest advice when they’ve made bad choices / Try to help them achieve their goals
Ravenclaw:
Check the zodiac compatibility for their crushes / Listen to their weird dreams and try to interpret them / Write bad meme-filled fanfiction when they’ve had a bad day / Do intricate nail designs / Research anything they tell me they are a fan of / Lend them films so they can enjoy them, too
Gryffindor:
Speak to them loudly in French so they can avoid people / Make them feel better about their horrible flirting skills / Offer to be their second in a fight / Hold and massage their hand when they feel nervous / Redo their lipstick when they’re gonna see their crush / Send them wholesome memes
Hufflepuff:
Bring in cookies on my birthday so they can have treats, too / Sing their favourite songs when they’re sad / Send them pictures of pretty flowers / Motivate them to do their goddamn homework / Draw cartoons of them on their birthday cards / Play with their hair when they need a nap / Be the sensible, sober friend
Hufflepuff: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve
Slytherin: Don’t you mean cards?
Hufflepuff: *pulling knives out of sleeves* no I do not
Careful Yolo
Situation - Hufflepuff cutting Slytherin’s hair.
Hufflepuff: “Okay…but what if I mess up?”
Slytherin: “It’s okay, it’ll grow back. Puff, I don’t care THAT much as long as it doesn’t look too ridiculous.”
Hufflepuff: “Okay…yeah, I’m just gonna yolo it.” *soft, slow snip snip*
Slytherin: “…that was the most cautious yolo ever…”
Gryffindor: Did you just… agree with me?
Slytherin: Oh I wish I could take-
Gryffindor: Nope! You said it! No take-backs!
Ravenclaw: There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Slytherin: Whatever you say
*A few days later*
Gryffindor, to Ravenclaw: What’s in mango salsa?
Ravenclaw, to Slytherin: I stand corrected.
Slytherin : *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Hufflepuff : What did you do?
Slytherin : Nobody died.
Hufflepuff : WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Slytherin : This is such a bad idea.
Hufflepuff : Then why are you coming along?
Slytherin : One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
Slytherin: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders
Slytherin:but they’re also particularly good finds
Hufflepuff: ok well now I’m crying
Based on a conversation with @rithicculus
I accidentally uploaded this to my main lol :/ (I deleted it afterwards btw)
After accidentally tearing up a page in Ravenclaw’s book
Gryffindor: I did a bad thing.
Slytherin: Does it in anyway impact Me or Huffy negatively??
Gryffindor: Not really.
Slytherin: Then suffer in silence.
Hufflepuff: You’re so tiny and adorable.
Slytherin: I could literally kick your ass right now.
Hufflepuff, looking at her with heart eyes: I know.
Hufflepuff : I have decided that I’m, in fact, a snack. People are just not hungry.
Slytherin, under their breath : I’m starving
Slytherin: name a more iconic duo than my crippling anxiety and my fear of abandonment, I’ll wait
Hufflepuff: You and me!
Slytherin: *tearing up* oKaY
Hufflepuff: Hey, can you teach me to shoot a gun?
Slytherin:…You’re a pacifist…
Hufflepuff:It’s not for fighting.
Slytherin: Then what the fuck do you need to learn how to fire a gun for?
Hufflepuff: Carnival game.
Slytherin:…What?
Hufflepuff: A carnival game. There’s a prize in one of the stalls and I need it.
Slytherin: You know you can buy those prizes for cheap online right?
Hufflepuff:I can’t do that.
Slytherin:Why not?
Hufflepuff:…It’s a matter of pride.
Slytherin:Oh for fucks sake.
Slytherin:*to Hufflepuff* I want to be the last person who ever kisses you…
Slytherin:That sounds bad, like a death threat or something.
Slytherin:What I’m trying to say is, you’re it. This is it for me.
Gryffindor:Slytherin, just because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character on a first date doesn’t mean he’s not husband material.
Hufflepuff:Sasquatch isn’t fictional.
Hufflepuff:*whispering to Gryffindor* Gryffindor has no idea I’m high.
Gryffindor:You’re high?
Hufflepuff:I’m sorry.
Hufflepuff: *leaning over to whisper to Slytherin* Gryffindor has no idea I’m high.
This caterpillar embodies the Hufflepuff spirit
