#unsolicited dick pics

PSA: If we’re messaging, unless you read the phrase “hey, we’d really like to see your cock”, do not assume that we like it, or that “the conversation was going in that direction.”

You want to let us know that our blog turns you on? Fine. We’ll take you at your word; no need to prove it.

I got an unsolicited dick pic from someone last night (not even a follower, mind you) saying he wants to “cum dumpster” me. Gross/funny/boring. Is cum dumpster a verb? Is it just equivalent to “I want to make you into a cum dumpster?”

It wasn’t even a well composed photo, although at least it wasn’t a log shot. Thing is, I might have appreciated it if I’d been asked, and without the silly cum dumpster comment.

Dudes, I’m gonna go ahead and reserve the right to take unsolicited dick pics and edit them and make fun of them from here on out.

Because no one cares about your penis. Not even you.

“Now mate,” the mod began,
with a shake of his head -
“You shouldn’t send an unsolicited dick pic,” he said.
“It just isn’t normal -
it just isn’t right -
It makes for a rather
peculiar sight.
"Imagine,” he said,
“for a second or two -
A user gets a message
and they see it’s from you.
They tap on the notice
to read it alone -
And there, on the screen,
it’s your cock on their phone.
"Now do you imagine,”
he said with dismay -
“Your phallus is going
to blow them away?
And do you imagine,”
he asked with distress -
“they’re just gonna see it
and think it’s the best?”
He pondered a moment -
he thought for a while -
He nodded his head
with a penitent smile -
He sent a to the mod,
who silently sighed.
And followed up with delusion:
“… I do,” he replied.

Inspired by the Reddit user poem_for_your_sprog