#womenforwomen

The World of the Married is one drama I look back on for some of the life quotes regarding relationships. The drama talks about infidelity, but what makes it successful is because the story dives into the reasons or rather excuses each woman tries to convince themselves in order to stay in the same toxic and/or unloving relationships. 

The thing is every woman will have rationized one time or another the reason why she chose to hang on, to stay in a relationship and not leave when it was so clear what the correct choice should have been. The question is why? Why does it take the woman so long to leave after seeing the various red flags? Why does she keep hanging on even after the physical and emotional abuse? Why does she keep allowing the man to lie, cheat, disrespect, abuse, and take advantage of her? The reason is, what benefit does she receive from being in it?

There are many reasons like: I’m no longer lonely, I finally have a boyfriend and can show off to friends, I want to keep the family together, I can’t support myself without him, I feel wanted (sexually..), I don’t want to move back in with my parents, no one will want me after we break up or divorce, he is the only one who understands me, I can’t let friends and family know I’m a failure at love, etc. But mainly, the reason for staying was hope that he will change and hoping he will eventually give you what you want (such as marriage, commitment, or children). 

So how long does it take to wake up from the same endless cycle of heartache, to eventually realize that the man will never change? And that the inevitable result is either a breakup, separation, divorce or worst yet – murder, death. 

As a woman, I’ve always felt we need to look out for each other and call out on the man’s bad behavior. Why should we, women, be subjected to being sexualized and fetishized while tolerant of their bad behaviors, feeding into a man’s stereotype of women having to be submissive and domesticated? To turn a blind eye and enable his bad behaviors while indirectly hurting yourself emotionally? 

Looking back, waking up from that fantasy was the feeling of betrayal. It was the feeling of “I’ve done so much for this person, gave up so much, my self respect, my time, my money, losing myself in the process, and yet he didn’t care.” What hurts even more was knowing that in reality, he never loved you. What he loved was just knowing someone wanted him, someone was caring for his needs, someone was gullible enough to believe his lies, someone made excuses for his bad behaviors, and someone allowed him to get away with things. 

What’s even harder to let go are the men who you believe you form a connection with, who you believe they truly understand you, and that you two are soulmates. The only problem: the timing is not right or external factors such as parents’ disapproval, distance, they are married, etc. What I have learned so far is, life is supposed to be easy and simple. I don’t believe the universe is trying to make things difficult for you by causing problems. It’s usually the person’s stubbornness that leads to suffering and a lesson unlearned needs repeated heartache to finally wisen up. 

If two people are meant to be, timing and situation will be right. Everything will be easy. No hiding from friends or family, they will love and approve of you, they won’t be attached, different pieces of the puzzle will all line up to create the best situation for you.  

The other thing is, perhaps the guy had different intentions starting the relationship with you and yet you refuse to believe or oblivious to see. The truth is a guy will always give hints of what he wants. If they are honest, they will be upfront with what kind of relationship they want from you. They will make it known to the world where you stand in their life. If they want to be deceptive then you will hear excuses after excuses, uncertainty after uncertainty. And why would you want a man who is incapable of knowing what he wants, and not knowing what future he sees for himself? That is a disaster waiting to happen, long hours of foreseeable arguments and headaches.

Life is too short to wait for a guy forever. Why do you need to give up your years of youth that amount to a few years together? 

Love can be found everywhere, but the most important love is self love. The person who will always be there for you is yourself so treat her with kindness, with respect, and most importantly with love. A man can always wait, but the world will not wait for you to be awesome.