The journey began 4 weeks ago at 272 and today standing tall at 252 while eating keto pizza, bacon, sausage, butter and other fatty goodness. Diabetic blood sugars have been under control for the first time in years. Keto has been a savings grace!
There’s strict keto, lazy keto and dirty keto and they all do work of course but there’s a healthier approach to keto, a clean natural way. I don’t touch keto products such as slim fast keto or Atkins products because they all have an insane amount of carbs (I only track total carbs) but even if you track net carbs they also contain soy which is highly gmo and or bad sugar alcohols like maltitol. That’s not keto “to me” but it does work out for others, I only prefer whole natural foods and besides I don’t snack. I can be super anal about ingredients but it’s just my own lifestyle, it works for me. Many forms of keto work, choose what’s best for you.
I went from carbs and sugar to a high fat, low carb and moderate protein lifestyle and my body was like wait what the hell!?!?
The first few days on keto my bowel movements were gassy and runny but then it turn into help I’m friggin constipated!!!
What I’ve learned.
The switch from the standard American diet to keto can cause gassy and diarrhea because of the new fats but that eventually goes away.
Constipation
On the standard American diet your body runs on a dirty fuel system of carbs and sugar so there will be a lot of waste, pooping everyday and even sometimes several times a day while on keto it’s a cleaner more efficient fuel system to where your body now begins using all the nutrients you put into your body, less waste to where you’ll think your constipated but you’re not, your just now more healthy.
Keeping it in the back pocket…I took a stroll in the mall today and racked up a few miles, I’ve done this before but my phone didn’t track it cause it was in my front pocket, didn’t know until then that it’s best to track steps with it in your back pocket.
I usually wake up around 6 am and stay hydrated until noon/eat and be done by 12:30 and asleep by 10:30 and repeat the following days. I started off with three meals a day and then two and now one. This image is basic intermittent fasting simplified.
It’s a quiet Sunday morning and my son and I are up early to do big loads of accumulated laundry at a local mat. After about two hours, clothes are washed, dried and neatly folded. As I begin to pack them, my son initiates the loading process in the car. Minutes later I step outside to see a police patrol car parked directly behind us — engine running while he sits in his car.
I make no direct physical or eye contact. I only see the figure behind the wheel but can not make out any details. There is rising uneasiness about it all. We are in a parking lot. So why has he pulled up behind us?
I remain quiet and choose to ignore him. But soon, I check in with my son because I begin feeling his tension. There is something rather unnerving and a bit intimidating about law enforcement appearing unexpectedly and intrusively that is difficult for anyone to easily ignore these days.
Police officers (and the entire judiciary system) are a prominent Saturn figure in society. They represent structure, the establishment, discipline, rules and regulations, law and order, boundaries and limitations within societies and the world. There image speak of the planetary aspects unseen. Note: they are symbols, portrayals, metaphors and in character. Otherwise, they are also very human like anyone else.
These Saturn representatives are stiff, serious and uniformed in more ways than their attires. Control and power is what most seek which is why many of them become police officers. They may struggle with or lack it in many ways resulting in being the most clever domestic violence perpetrators.
According to Diane Wetendorf, life-long advocate who pioneered the field of police officer-involved domestic violence abusers and author of Police Domestic Violence: A Handbook for Victims, talks about how police abusers differ from other abusers only in that they are tougher and more dangerous. They have training, a badge, a gun and the weight of the police culture behind them. Smart police do not hit, slap, kick, or choke their partners. It is not necessary. They exercise their power by intimidating, isolating and terrifying the victim. Those are usually the ones that are terror within their own order. And though fewer, there are ones that do have integrity and sometimes exemplify some of the higher qualities of Saturn’s mission.
Saturnine workers carry an air of authority that also comes with its bag of skeletons that we see today through crimes committed by those who should be enforcing the so-called laws. They carry heavy skeletons dumped upon fallen preys and innocent victims that are labeled and stereotyped and even targeted. Police are trained to walk in and take control of any situation. Their mere presence, voice and stance are used to establish their authority. They learn a full range of information gathering techniques ranging from interviewing and interrogating to vigilant surveillance. The proficient use of these investigative techniques requires the ability to be manipulative and deceptive, says, abuseofpower.info Much like anyone taking their personal problems to the job or their job stress to their home. We know the story. But this story you are reading is about the other side of a story that we see but don’t consider every day.
After a few minutes of nothing. No moves. Just a watcher, bidding his time? Basking us? Cooking us? I check in with my son to see if he is straight. This 6ft tall, slender chocolate skin man child of mine who has Pluto sitting on his ascendant can project the Plutonian powers in ways even he is unconscious of. A natal placement of his, visible in his physical appearance that I continually observe and study. “I’m good. But this guy makes me uncomfortable.”, he answers. I take another careful glimpse to meet his cream color car still in place with headlights only a few feet away from my tail lights. Nonetheless we forge through our mess shifting and organizing, making room for the remainders of our clean laundry.
My mind drifts like a butterfly and lands on our out-of-state tags and my bumper fender that carries a black and white sticker that says, “Children Need Presence, Not Presents!”; a blue and orange one that says’ “Agnihotra: Heal the Atmosphere, Heal the Planet” and a small REI sticker. I now wonder if bumper stickers truly offer insights into the nature of their owner and if those values meant anything to a uniformed cop.
Nonetheless, we continue to clear and organize. I am deliberate in my effort to ignore the “Poe Poe”. But who really can ignore such a presence that opens cans of worms? In moments like these, tricky ones in deed, gaps in which many, especially young ones fall into the traps they should have already seen coming. It is one played out again and again almost with predictability. A dark skinned human with hands behind their back, cuffed. Then the blame and victim tunes follow and the song and dance repeats itself again. It’s a well oiled illusive machine.
Yet, the psychological shifts and mental twitches, the emotional disturbances are real if you live in a society that judges you by your skin color or the race you compete for. A priceless innocence stripped from the souls of our children because they lack the awareness and skills required to interact and deal with such authority. ReBirth of the Mother says, you’ve tried to change the system, why not try changing the way you see and respond to the system, as well as the system that is within. Children must learn how to deal with the current order with critical thinking and creative skills but first they must see the world in a new way and with new eyes and heart. This is a fundamental aspect of our unschooling.
“You can’t change laws without first changing human nature.”
I sing my new song line which immediately offers us comfort and peace in the knowing that this is not real, it is a trick that I and my son will not fall for.
“Life is but a dream…nothing’s what it seems…”
I continue to sing. Breathing in and out with greater awareness of my inner space and the immediate experience, of the spiritual and energetic aspects of this encounter.
“It’s a test,” I remind my son. One that you may be subjected to in the future. You must be prepared, I offer. And you must play to win, always aim to pass with flying colors. An officer stops or approaches an innocent teenager who has had a rough day at home or at school, who may be sleep deprived, or maybe under a brutally negative spell derived from his diet, relationships, environment and his mental state of mind or all the choices he has made until now. He’s packing. And it is not light. And he is very well drawing the experiences to himself. But there is something to be learned. Most times it is missed so easily. He or she fails, receives a penalty and the lesson must be repeated until he passes his life’s examinations.
Do not project! Do not send the quality of energy that you do not want to receive. Become neutral. It is an intense moment. Silently recite a loving mantra to yourself, stand in your power, so as to instigate a positive outcome, I sing to my son. “Life is but a dream…nothing’s what it seems….”
On the other hand, I remind him that we can also look at other possibilities. Could this officer be on a totally different stroke, unconsciously aware? Keeping that in mind helps ease the tension inside. We refrain from getting caught up in the language and thoughts of the systematic way in which polices are seen and addressed behind their backs. The mutual hating and the power play could create something out of nothing. This happens time and time again.
Consider this my son, if he had an issue with us or my truck, he would have approached us a long time ago. He’s had enough time to run my tags. I know that nothing came back. But in many cases, they are instigators, creating something out of nothing. I begin to guide my son to feel his body, become aware of where you stand and stay out of the head. Breathe and stay clear and solid, with the protective shield around you let no external force break through.
It was another perfect practical unschooling lesson. A lesson on the energetic dynamics of interacting with law enforcement. I have interacted professionally, casually and not so pleasantly at a few other times. enoughknow firsthand and foremost that they are humans with functions like anyone else. I like to remain keenly aware of the bigger picture and how in this rat race everyone is pigeonholed, stereotyped and unconsciously and consciously living up to those labels and expectations in more ways than not. It’s a game, I remind him. You fare well when you learn how to play from a higher place. You must use all your senses to discern and decipher. You must command respect but must also give it.
Neptune is the planet of illusion, of deception and the unseen spirit world. We need our natural spiritual tools to navigate and rise above the fogginess of living. I believe that it is imperative that kids are schooled on how to deal with the structures of society that demean and damage them. That kind of schooling is missing from the curriculum of institutions. Family wounds are one part of the picture. Then there are also the wounds of society which have caused deep pain and suffering for generations. Neptune wants us to look past the material and sense what lies in the other field. But right now humans are dense and distracted by the rapid pace of technology while old programmings of the past remain outdated.
When we recognize the power of choice in the immediate experience, we can begin to choose wisely by simply being in the experience, feeling our way through it, raising our thoughts around it, one breath at a time. For the moment will point the way if we fuse with it. That is the magic we can teach our children. The magic of choosing consciously.
Energy is the basic unit of our existence. We operate, communicate, move, think, breathe and live from that foundation. Everything is energy, especially our thoughts. So next time and in any given moment, we can ask ourselves, “What is the energy reading right now?” When we become aware of and live from the field of energy, we can see the hidden factors and we can see that nothing is what it seems. This begins to open the third eye that can see beyond.
“Life is but a dream….nithing’s what it seems!”
Limitations and boundaries are two of Saturn’s symbols. Authority and respect are two others. Law enforcement officers are ruled by Saturn and they naturally operate under the laws and symbols of this planet. For good and for worse. We are up against that in our selves. So I choose to question myself:
How can my son (and I) establish healthy boundaries and implement limitations in necessary areas of our lives?
How are my personal laws of living working for me?
How can there be a maintenance of mutual respect in probable interactions that are challenging and those that may be life threatening?
As a Capricorn mother, I am constantly and naturally teaching the principles of respect through the successes and errors of my own private deeds and public relations. My belief being… If I have to choose between “being liked” or “being respected” I always choose the latter.
My greatest qualm with police officers is the bullshit hassle, the drama that is time robbing, and the authoritative chip on their shoulders they come with. As well as their ability to push and push all your buttons or ‘make’ you push back. And you are done for, if you lack constraint or restraint (a Saturn or Capricorn thing). As a Saturn girl I have had my share of police friends and police enemies in this lifetime.
Yet, I empathize with innocent ones who get pushed over into the dark side as unconscious self-defense kicks in and they end up going through the systematic theatrics and tree wasting paperwork. From the eyes of a road trekker like myself, I fear patrol officers are probably the only ones in society able to directly attempt to overstep my boundaries and limitations at their will while I stand and watch them. A feeling of being spiritually rapped.
I face and sit with this insecurity, vulnerability and with fear whose roots run deeper than this episode. These emotional building moments go way beyond and before this groovy Sunday morning momentary and sudden interruption (Uranus) by Mr. Saturn.
“Life is but a dream…nothing’s what it seems….”
Pulling on the emotional strings between the past and the present of this longstanding unconscious mystery unfolding before me, silently I scream out loud inside my head….”You are mistaken officer, we are not who you think we are!”
Seconds later, he shifts into reverse gear, backs away from the bumper of my truck and goes on his way.
Photo credit: news.vice.com Cops wrestle a black teen to the ground for walking in the street.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank my high school color guard and winter guard team, as well as the band as the staff of all three for all they have done for me. Entering high school was a really rough time for me, and throughout my four years there I faced a TON of bullshit. But both my teams, the band, AND the staff were there to support me and help me through everything. Yeah, there was definitely some drama, but in the end we all came out of it together and I could never be more thankful for that.
Thank you high school band class, for making me who I am today and teaching me so many lessons that I will need as I continue this adventure called life.
The World of the Married is one drama I look back on for some of the life quotes regarding relationships. The drama talks about infidelity, but what makes it successful is because the story dives into the reasons or rather excuses each woman tries to convince themselves in order to stay in the same toxic and/or unloving relationships.
The thing is every woman will have rationized one time or another the reason why she chose to hang on, to stay in a relationship and not leave when it was so clear what the correct choice should have been. The question is why? Why does it take the woman so long to leave after seeing the various red flags? Why does she keep hanging on even after the physical and emotional abuse? Why does she keep allowing the man to lie, cheat, disrespect, abuse, and take advantage of her? The reason is, what benefit does she receive from being in it?
There are many reasons like: I’m no longer lonely, I finally have a boyfriend and can show off to friends, I want to keep the family together, I can’t support myself without him, I feel wanted (sexually..), I don’t want to move back in with my parents, no one will want me after we break up or divorce, he is the only one who understands me, I can’t let friends and family know I’m a failure at love, etc. But mainly, the reason for staying was hope that he will change and hoping he will eventually give you what you want (such as marriage, commitment, or children).
So how long does it take to wake up from the same endless cycle of heartache, to eventually realize that the man will never change? And that the inevitable result is either a breakup, separation, divorce or worst yet – murder, death.
As a woman, I’ve always felt we need to look out for each other and call out on the man’s bad behavior. Why should we, women, be subjected to being sexualized and fetishized while tolerant of their bad behaviors, feeding into a man’s stereotype of women having to be submissive and domesticated? To turn a blind eye and enable his bad behaviors while indirectly hurting yourself emotionally?
Looking back, waking up from that fantasy was the feeling of betrayal. It was the feeling of “I’ve done so much for this person, gave up so much, my self respect, my time, my money, losing myself in the process, and yet he didn’t care.” What hurts even more was knowing that in reality, he never loved you. What he loved was just knowing someone wanted him, someone was caring for his needs, someone was gullible enough to believe his lies, someone made excuses for his bad behaviors, and someone allowed him to get away with things.
What’s even harder to let go are the men who you believe you form a connection with, who you believe they truly understand you, and that you two are soulmates. The only problem: the timing is not right or external factors such as parents’ disapproval, distance, they are married, etc. What I have learned so far is, life is supposed to be easy and simple. I don’t believe the universe is trying to make things difficult for you by causing problems. It’s usually the person’s stubbornness that leads to suffering and a lesson unlearned needs repeated heartache to finally wisen up.
If two people are meant to be, timing and situation will be right. Everything will be easy. No hiding from friends or family, they will love and approve of you, they won’t be attached, different pieces of the puzzle will all line up to create the best situation for you.
The other thing is, perhaps the guy had different intentions starting the relationship with you and yet you refuse to believe or oblivious to see. The truth is a guy will always give hints of what he wants. If they are honest, they will be upfront with what kind of relationship they want from you. They will make it known to the world where you stand in their life. If they want to be deceptive then you will hear excuses after excuses, uncertainty after uncertainty. And why would you want a man who is incapable of knowing what he wants, and not knowing what future he sees for himself? That is a disaster waiting to happen, long hours of foreseeable arguments and headaches.
Life is too short to wait for a guy forever. Why do you need to give up your years of youth that amount to a few years together?
Love can be found everywhere, but the most important love is self love. The person who will always be there for you is yourself so treat her with kindness, with respect, and most importantly with love. A man can always wait, but the world will not wait for you to be awesome.
The World of the Married is one drama I look back on for some of the life quotes regarding relationships. The drama talks about infidelity, but what makes it successful is because the story dives into the reasons or rather excuses each woman tries to convince themselves in order to stay in the same toxic and/or unloving relationships.
The thing is every woman will have rationized one time or another the reason why she chose to hang on, to stay in a relationship and not leave when it was so clear what the correct choice should have been. The question is why? Why does it take the woman so long to leave after seeing the various red flags? Why does she keep hanging on even after the physical and emotional abuse? Why does she keep allowing the man to lie, cheat, disrespect, abuse, and take advantage of her? The reason is, what benefit does she receive from being in it?
There are many reasons like: I’m no longer lonely, I finally have a boyfriend and can show off to friends, I want to keep the family together, I can’t support myself without him, I feel wanted (sexually..), I don’t want to move back in with my parents, no one will want me after we break up or divorce, he is the only one who understands me, I can’t let friends and family know I’m a failure at love, etc. But mainly, the reason for staying was hope that he will change and hoping he will eventually give you what you want (such as marriage, commitment, or children).
So how long does it take to wake up from the same endless cycle of heartache, to eventually realize that the man will never change? And that the inevitable result is either a breakup, separation, divorce or worst yet – murder, death.
As a woman, I’ve always felt we need to look out for each other and call out on the man’s bad behavior. Why should we, women, be subjected to being sexualized and fetishized while tolerant of their bad behaviors, feeding into a man’s stereotype of women having to be submissive and domesticated? To turn a blind eye and enable his bad behaviors while indirectly hurting yourself emotionally?
Looking back, waking up from that fantasy was the feeling of betrayal. It was the feeling of “I’ve done so much for this person, gave up so much, my self respect, my time, my money, losing myself in the process, and yet he didn’t care.” What hurts even more was knowing that in reality, he never loved you. What he loved was just knowing someone wanted him, someone was caring for his needs, someone was gullible enough to believe his lies, someone made excuses for his bad behaviors, and someone allowed him to get away with things.
What’s even harder to let go are the men who you believe you form a connection with, who you believe they truly understand you, and that you two are soulmates. The only problem: the timing is not right or external factors such as parents’ disapproval, distance, they are married, etc. What I have learned so far is, life is supposed to be easy and simple. I don’t believe the universe is trying to make things difficult for you by causing problems. It’s usually the person’s stubbornness that leads to suffering and a lesson unlearned needs repeated heartache to finally wisen up.
If two people are meant to be, timing and situation will be right. Everything will be easy. No hiding from friends or family, they will love and approve of you, they won’t be attached, different pieces of the puzzle will all line up to create the best situation for you.
The other thing is, perhaps the guy had different intentions starting the relationship with you and yet you refuse to believe or oblivious to see. The truth is a guy will always give hints of what he wants. If they are honest, they will be upfront with what kind of relationship they want from you. They will make it known to the world where you stand in their life. If they want to be deceptive then you will hear excuses after excuses, uncertainty after uncertainty. And why would you want a man who is incapable of knowing what he wants, and not knowing what future he sees for himself? That is a disaster waiting to happen, long hours of foreseeable arguments and headaches.
Life is too short to wait for a guy forever. Why do you need to give up your years of youth that amount to a few years together?
Love can be found everywhere, but the most important love is self love. The person who will always be there for you is yourself so treat her with kindness, with respect, and most importantly with love. A man can always wait, but the world will not wait for you to be awesome.
Seeing how things happened with Wang Leehom and Lee Jinglei, got me reading this post again and noticing why her situation is no different than the many other women who are in the same situation.
Our own path, our own time, our unique and very own life.
You know, often people won’t understand you, at some points even your very closed ones.
They can’t, or may be they just don’t try or really want to. Yet again and again, so many efforts, and so many explanations don’t appear necessary to me. Why tired yourself that much in giving justifications. Anyhow you will be misunderstood by the one who are stuck in their perspective of things. Who you are, what you think, what you want to do, where you want to be. And that question, why. Well, what if I ask you your own question, why so ?
Many times we get to be compared to someone else or to the path they followed, not with a bad intention but it is still done when we have taken a different road. But we all have our own path, our own time, our own leads In life. We are all so unique that there’s nothing to compare.
I guess, they can’t understand the why and how, sometimes because you don’t know the answer. It’s just something leading you from the deep inside of yourself. And you can just follow it and make happen what you want, try to at least. I guess you seem to be stupid or selfish, arrogant or just careless, But isn’t it good enough to cherish what you have, and work toward what you chase.
Master and apprentice faced each other in resolute silence. The student, young but talented for his age, furrowed his brow and opened his mind to the infinite possible moves. Which would his opponent be expecting? Which would allow for the greater defense against his older, wiser mentor? He cautioned a glance into his grandfather’s eyes who returned his gaze with a smirk that etched deeper the creases at their corners.
“Make your move, boy, before I die of old age,” said Gerart.
Raven huffed and set his jaw. Quite right, he thought. It was time to decide. His hand darted forward but he hesitated at the last moment, cursing himself for both his indecision and for giving away his train of thought. Maybe his grandfather hadn’t picked up on it though, maybe he-
“Bringing the bishop into the fray, huh?” Gerart said, dashing Raven’s hope. “ Bold move, little bird, bold move.” He nodded his approval, clearly impressed. “Here I thought you’d tip toe around the board with the knight,” he said pointing at the obsidian chess piece. “Seems more your style. Slow, predictable, timid…”
“I’m trying to concentrate,” Raven said. He was studying the board, drawing the paths with his mind for as many moves as he could manage, his hand still hovering over the bishop. He couldn’t see what was so dangerous about the move, though, and it worried him. “You’re trying to distract me because you know I’m winning,” he bluffed. Raven had never beaten his grandfather at chess. Not once. Where Raven studied the board, took his time, attempted to predict the course of the game, Gerart picked moves seemingly at random. No sooner will Raven finish his turn than his grandfather would spare a quick glance at the board and shift a piece. It was infuriating.
“I’m serious, the Roshenko gambit is a ballsy maneuver. Shows you been doing your reading, I’m impressed. But, hey, don’t let me sway you, boy. ”
Raven, who had never once picked up a book on chess strategies and hadn’t the single, foggiest idea who the fuck Roshenko was nor what his gambit involved, suddenly felt out of his depth. He looked to his knight and quickly traced its available paths. All but one was blocked but the remaining move showed promise. Perhaps victory would be his after all if he could wear his grandfather down through attrition. Defense being the best offense and all that.
He shifted to the knight and placed it safely out of reach and grinned at his grandfather. “I think I’ll wear you down instead, old m…”
Gerart’s hand was on his queen the very moment Raven had finished his move. “Check and mate,” he said, standing up with a groan and stretching his back.
“Wha….n-no,” said Raven staring at the board, his defeat laid bare. “That's…you shyster! You said the knight was the safe move!”
Gerart pulled the pipe from his waistcoat pocket and began to pack it with his thumb. “Yup. Lied. Shoulda moved the Bishop. You'da still lost but you’d have lasted longer.” He struck a match with his thumbnail and brought the pipe to life.
“But I don’t know the Roshenko gambit,” Raven said, still sitting at the table.
His grandfather shrugged as he blew out a voluminous plume of fragrant smoke. “Made that up too. Shouldn’t listen to the people trying to beat you Raven. Your enemy seldom has your best interest in mind.”
