#writing trauma
A small tip: if your characters have a traumatic experience, and they have nightmares about it, more often than not, those dreams will not be a play by play of what happened, but will often hold symbolism to the event than the actual event itself
These dreams can often not be genuinely scary but can leave you feel shaken and unrested when you do wake up. It may take your characters hours to let go of the feeling
It is also common to have the same dream roccur often. It might be unsettling enough that your characters will try to avoid sleeping for as long as they can, or will they to self medicate in some way to try to make the dream go away
A common reoccurring dream I had after my mom died was I would be watching her die, similar to how she did, but it was faster, and then we had her cremated. But the next day [in the dream] she would be back on the couch, just like any other day, as if she had not died the day before. But then futher on into the dream she would slowly start to decinigrate into ashes, but it would be ten times slower and it would be like losing her all over again
I would sleep completely through the dream and not wake up in some cold sweat or hyperventilating, tho that’s not to say that’s never happened before , but the next morning I would be shaken when I did wake up and it took me hours to get back to normal. I had that same dream several times over the last few years, and it still makes me shaken, but not to that same extent as the first time. That can happen over time with desensitization
Flashbacks work the same way. They’re not often a perfect play by play of what happened, but can be flashes of what happened. Or it can not be visual at all
You have five senses, and certain tastes or smells or sounds or touch can be just as impactful as visual flashbacks. For the most part, unless you have a disability that prevents otherwise (like being d/Deaf, or blind), all five of those senses are working together at the same time and each can carry their own weight in trauma
Especially when traumatic things are happening, adrenaline is rushing through you, or you are in a high stress situation. Parts of you are processing things faster than other parts of you. Your brain is working to take in everything that is happening and sometimes things are not always remembered correctly
A small tip: if your characters have a traumatic experience, and they have nightmares about it, more often than not, those dreams will not be a play by play of what happened, but will often hold symbolism to the event than the actual event itself
These dreams can often not be genuinely scary but can leave you feel shaken and unrested when you do wake up. It may take your characters hours to let go of the feeling
It is also common to have the same dream roccur often. It might be unsettling enough that your characters will try to avoid sleeping for as long as they can, or will they to self medicate in some way to try to make the dream go away
A common reoccurring dream I had after my mom died was I would be watching her die, similar to how she did, but it was faster, and then we had her cremated. But the next day [in the dream] she would be back on the couch, just like any other day, as if she had not died the day before. But then futher on into the dream she would slowly start to decinigrate into ashes, but it would be ten times slower and it would be like losing her all over again
I would sleep completely through the dream and not wake up in some cold sweat or hyperventilating, tho that’s not to say that’s never happened before , but the next morning I would be shaken when I did wake up and it took me hours to get back to normal. I had that same dream several times over the last few years, and it still makes me shaken, but not to that same extent as the first time. That can happen over time with desensitization
Flashbacks work the same way. They’re not often a perfect play by play of what happened, but can be flashes of what happened. Or it can not be visual at all
You have five senses, and certain tastes or smells or sounds or touch can be just as impactful as visual flashbacks. For the most part, unless you have a disability that prevents otherwise (like being d/Deaf, or blind), all five of those senses are working together at the same time and each can carry their own weight in trauma
Especially when traumatic things are happening, adrenaline is rushing through you, or you are in a high stress situation. Parts of you are processing things faster than other parts of you. Your brain is working to take in everything that is happening and sometimes things are not always remembered correctly
Somany people deal with trauma. It’s talked about a lot nowadays, “mental health matters,” therapy,” other buzz words.
But a lot of the time people don’t talk about the ugly sides of trauma. They talk about being tired and needing to love and care about oneself.
Butthey don’t talk about the toxic behaviours people with trauma often have to fight against.
For example, a surprisingly common one: Lying.
When people talk about impulsive liars it’s pretty much always in a negative light. These are people who have no respect for others, no consideration for the truth. But impulsive lying is a sign of mental health issues. It can stand on it’s own but I often see it linked with past trauma.
If somebody was abused at some point, perhaps lying was the only safe option, and even if that abuse is over getting back into the habit of honesty is difficult.
The lies may not be big.
“Did you do this task?”
No. But instead of saying you forgot and will do it in a second, you say yes,because in the past saying no was dangerous. Most of the time you then do the task and it’s fine, but sometimes something pops up and your lie is revealed and the person you lied to feels betrayed and you are left wondering, “why did I say that?” Why lie to the person you trust?
Sometimes the lies can be bigger. You might lie to your therapist about the abuse because you’ve been trained to do so. You might lie about your salary because somebody taught you your self-worth depends on the money you make and you’re scared they’ll leave if you aren’t worthy enough. Maybe you’ll lie about not being fired from your job or many, many other things.
Trauma can lead to impulsive lying because there was a time in our life the truth wasn’t safe.
Lying can lead us to lose relationships and further isolate ourselves.
This is a side of trauma I feel people don’t discuss enough because impulsive lying is seen as such an “evil” trait. But in writing it can make for a lot of heartbreak, a lot of tension in relationships and is an interesting huddle for character’s to get over.
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QUICK TRIGGER WARNING: I started writing this as a writing reference, but towards the end talking about trauma I may have gotten a little graphic, I never mentions what the trauma is referencing, just descriptions of, well, fear and how it affects me. But if you think that alone may be triggering to you, please move along and stay safe!
So, I’m thinking about fear right now. And about the different ways in which it is born.
Fears without an origin: Phobias, social anxiety.
From my personal experience these fears are easier to ignore. The fear itself is often stronger but because there’s no underlying cause, no real threat, no past experience that could repeat itself, it can be ignored.
I have social anxiety, and I could probably do a writing reference all about it, but for now, what’s important is the ignoreability of it. As a kid, I couldn’t speak to a stranger, for a very long time I couldn’t order food for myself or go to a store.
Heck, for a long time I couldn’t post online because “people would see it”.
But at the beginning of this term I saw an opportunity, offered by a stranger, so I walked up, spoke confidently and quickly sold myself, smiled, laughed and got given the chance.
There was a time that seemed impossible.
But what’s important here isn’t the improvement in my actions, it’s the lack of it in my emotions. See, I still have social anxiety, and although I do the things, I still feel the things. When I walked up my heart was going at a thousand per minute, my hands were visibly shaken and I was making a conscious effort to breathe.
When I left the situations I had tears of happiness from the pride I felt, but they could have just as easily been me breaking down after a failed attempt at social interaction.
The things with phobias and social anxiety is they don’t go away. Or at least I haven’t gotten rid of any in my twenty four years of life. You just learn to live with them. You learn to act despite them.
And learning to handle them requieres experience and a lot of it. Social interactions is something I both do and force myself to do every day. But others phobias like heights and spiders are far harder to get over.
Most characters won’t ever overcome those phobias, no matter how much you “show” them it’s harmless, because that fear is innate. Most people with phobias know of the “harmlessness”, it just doesn’t matter.
Fears with an origin: Traumas and experience.
Far harder to deal with from my experience.
You’re never going to be able to convince yourself something is harmless when it’s already harmed you in the past. You’ve never going to feel entirely safe in a place where you were hurt.
Traumas for me tend to be more mental than physical. Less shaking hands and tears threatening to escape, more flashbacks, disassociation and panic attacks.
Traumas are often sudden. I’ll be dealing with something just fine, proud of myself that I’m getting back into it, that I’ll recover. Then suddenly, with no warning, my mind fills with the worst scenarios, the one that I’ve already lived, the one I’ve already escaped from yet can never truly escape from. Often I’ll stop breathing, I’ll move very quickly away from the cause of my distress, I’ll break down.
I don’t know how to deal with trauma. I can walk through my fears, I can take a deep breath and force myself to act. But trauma is a different kind of fear. It goes deeper than my outer body, it lies deep within my soul and constantly threatens me with it’s presence, it’s interference.
Trauma threatens to take parts of my life away from me and never ever give them back.
From what I’ve seen, heard and talked to with people, similar to the fears we are “born” with, trauma doesn’t go away. We just learn to deal with it. But from my experience, I learn more to avoid it.Toavoid those situations that will cause me to break down, even if it means giving up on things I love.
We all probably deal with these two types of fears in one way or another. It’s likely the way they affect you is different then how they affect me. I did this intending for it to be a writing reference, it’s kind of what I do, but it got a bit deep at the end. But, if you’d like to reblog this and on some of your experience with fears, maybe we can learn something!
As usual, check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.
I am sorry if this article is a bit heavy and I’m a bit “vanished” right now. I’m really busy yet full of creativity, so I guess when I saw down instead of writing out a helpful series of tips I went full creative. I hope despite that you enjoyed and got something out of this!
