Hi everyone!! I’m finally back! Sorry for not post for a long time, I always kept forgetting to post here lol, anyways here’s some drawings that I wasn’t able to post for a long time.
Also Thank you so much for 1k followers on tumblr!! I feel so grateful to know that people love my artworks!!✨✨✨✨
My final contribution to the Reverse Big Bang hosted by @ftguildevents! This is a story about Natsu, inspired by @phoenix-before-the-flame ‘s amazing artwork that will be accompanying it.
It was a blanket. A thick film that covered him from head to toe, blinding Natsu while he struggled to see. When he growled, it slithered through his teeth and down his throat suffocating him. He could hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing. The environment around him was just a void intent to crush him; but inside, there was pain, deep and searing. It burned him despite the flames he housed inside his being. It stabbed him without any substance, any sharpness. It sizzled and burned through his veins, traveled through his muscles and seeped into his very bones.
He screamed, but no sound escaped him. Choked, but no one could hear him.
“The more you fight, the more it hurts.”
Except one voice, echoing through the void. Low, mirthless and familiar.
“So quit struggling, little brother.”
Natsu jolted awake with a yell that echoed off the walls, throat raw from the volume and body covered in a layer of sweat that chilled him. Gasping, he inhaled air as if he were eating it, gulping it down while his head throbbed. His mouth was dry, and when he swallowed, he thought he tasted a hint of blood. Dazedly, he struggled to move off his hammock, mind reeling in multiple directions, but circling back to one, clear thought. Water. He needed water. Anything to soothe the burning sensation that scorched his throat.
Forgetting himself, his hand slipped off the edge of the netting and the world turned upside down, flipping as he met the ground with a thud that shook the walls and a few pinned papers fell off the walls. Natsu barely registered his ungraceful landing, instincts in overdrive as he felt the last vestiges of his dream still clinging to him. The darkness was still there, clinging to his shoulders. It weighed him down. He had to move.
With heavy feet, he stomped through his house, grabbed the nearest mug he could find and chugged it as soon as it was full of water. Not enough. He refilled and drank again, spilling some as he missed his mouth and dribbled down his chin and to the floor. Still not enough. Five more cups and he still felt dehydrated, panting as his senses slowly caught up with the rest of the world.
And the terrified Happy sitting on the counter next to him.
“- did you have the nightmare again?” Happy asked when their gazes finally met. Everything felt still, frozen in time and Natsu briefly wondered just who or what he was looking at. Where was he again? Memories flashed forward and recollection forced him to twist his mouth into a half-hearted grin.
“Not the same one.” He said, refilling the mug for the last time: hopefully.
Happy’s gaze pierced him through the darkness, slightly illuminated by the moon shining through the window. It was obvious he didn’t believe Natsu’s words, but rather than press it, he shrugged and tried again, “This one sounded bad. Was it similar?”
Zeref’s voice filtered through Natsu’s mind. That humorless laugh as he mocked Natsu’s struggle to breathe and ordered him to stay still. The way it came from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Something pulled in the back of his mind, a soft whisper that he refused to listen to. He drank from his mug to give himself a moment to piece his words together. “Nah. Just a memory. Ya’ know, Igneel.”
Realization dawned on Happy’s face and the little exceed took to the air, wailing as he clung to Natsu’s arm in the tightest hug he could manage. “Natsuuuu, I’m sorry!”
It took some time for both of them to calm down. Happy’s hug was a comfort and Natsu patted his head to help maintain that he was fine, but in the back of his mind he knew the truth. It was more to reassure himself than Happy. A reminder of where he was. Who he was. That he was home and in the comfort of his own good memories.
When Happy finally went back to sleep, swaying in his own, tiny hammock, Natsu avoided his own and dropped his pillow and thin blanket to the floor. He couldn’t sleep there. Not right now. While the floor wasn’t the optimum bed, it would have to do. It was the least he deserved after what he’d just done.
Igneel’s death was a painful memory. One that would always twinge and hurt him. A visual he would never forget, but it wasn’t the nightmare that plagued him night after night. Not the darkness that moved to swallow him whole. When the dreams started, he had unloaded the details and his feelings to Happy the moment he calmed down enough to remember how to talk, but the dreams continued. Repeating first every other week, but slowly increasing in number. He couldn’t admit to it. He couldn’t give Happy any more reason to worry.
Natsu couldn’t. And the lie that slipped through his teeth felt like rocks settling in his stomach. I’m sorry, buddy. The apology would be late in coming, but saying it out loud was too much for him. If he admitted it verbally, that would mean admitting to things he wasn’t ready to think about:
What the darkness meant, and why a voice whispered soothing promises of carnage in the deepest depths of his mind. He pulled the blanket over his shoulders and closed his eyes. Sleep would be fleeting for the rest of the night.
I can’t tell you. I can’t… I can’t tell anybody. I’m so, so sorry.
These lies began months ago. And with each new nightmare that terrorized his sleep, the lies continued. The voice in the back of his head, often speaking in the depths of the night, often echoed its memories during the day. Sleep became a stranger and Natsu’s energy slowly drained with each new day. The Guild was accustomed to Natsu napping in the hall, especially after a difficult battle, but the amount of cat naps he began to take, started to raise a few eyebrows.
And each time Happy prodded him for an answer, he shrugged it off with a smile, forcing the darkness away to start a rambunctious spar in the guild. Anything, to give the impression that while he was tired, Natsu was still Natsu.
Right?
‘Now you know that’s not true.’ The nightly voice began its whispers yet again. Soft, but dark- an alluring power that tempted and raised the hairs on the back of Natsu’s neck. ‘You know there’s something more-’ His thoughts were far too loud.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
‘You’re not even human.’
“Shut up!” Natsu jolted awake from his own voice, snarling his words as a guttural growl echoed through the hall. What was once a loud, bustling place, fell silent. Blinking to readjust his vision, Natsu balked as Happy and Lucy sat across from him: stunned.
“… Uh- That’s a no, then?” Lucy asked, tentatively, hand outstretched as if poised to tap his hand, but she thought better of it and pulled it away.
Natsu stared. “What?” He asked, confused.
“We asked if you wanted to try a job.” Happy explained. His tiny feet padded across the table as he patted the top of Natsu’s head, paws rustling his hair. “You know, since you seem so tired. We thought going out through the town for some small jobs could help energize you?”
Natsu looked at Happy, then to Lucy before his eyes slid back to Happy’s. When had he dozed off? “… Well, why not?”
Lucy gawked. “You can’t be serious. You fell asleep halfway through your lunch, snarled at Happy and me and don’t know why we’d think that’s a no?”
“Oh, right.” He had the courtesy to look sheepish. “My bad. We could totally try somethin’, it’s been a coupla days, right?”
“More like a week.” Lucy said.
Now, that didn’t sound right. Natsu’s back stiffened and he stretched, ignoring the thoughts screaming in his head. “Seriously? There’s no way! Erza, Ice Princess or even Wendy snagged some jobs for us recently-”
“They did.” Happy agreed, but he didn’t meet Natsu’s eyes, “You uh- you told them you weren’t in the mood.”
That really didn’t sound right. “Why would I turn down a job? Now Gray’s gonna hold that over my head forever!”
“Why?” Lucy repeated, slamming a palm to the table. Natsu froze and, horrified, realized her eyes were watery. Before he could try and ask her not to cry, she leaned over the table and poked him on the nose. “That’s what we’d like to know! I’ve got rent due soon, and you’re acting weird. Too weird! Did you somehow get your hands on Etherion again or something? Are you okay? Are you sick? Can you even GET sick?”
“Uh, Lucy, you’re rambling like a weirdo, again.” Happy interjected, but earned himself a quick glare from the blonde.
When it looked like the two were about to start bickering, they were interrupted by Natsu standing abruptly, eyes looking glazed and tired while he glanced towards the job board. Across the hall, most could only pick out the larger details of each paper blaring with large title signs, pleading for help, but Natsu, through his blurred gaze, noticed a few jobs that would do just the trick.
“Happy, help Lucy.”
The Exceed blinked, confusion evident in his wide eyes, “Natsu?”
Too tired. Way too tired. “With her rent and stuff,” he motioned towards the board before glancing to both teammates, an exhausted grin split his face and he yawned, “there’s plenty of jobs you can do in town today that’s quick and easy.”
Silence filled the entire hall. Too many guild members were nosy and not a single one attempted to hide their obvious eavesdropping. Onlookers stared, slack-jawed at Natsu’s decision, but he couldn’t be bothered. The thoughts were deafening, the need to sleep a weight he couldn’t lift and the worry of his comrades was not enough to change it. Lucy and Happy both tried to interject, but he waved them off and groaned, walking off before the conversation could go any further. The doors looked so inviting. The exit and way back to his home.
Then again, each table he walked by looked just as inviting. He could sleep anywhere if he really wanted to, but no. If he had another dream, it was best done in the confines of his own home, away from prying eyes.
“Happy, do you know something?”
“I- .. I don’t know!”
He caught their voices. They echoed into his ears, but he couldn’t be bothered with them. The guilt he’d felt for months rose like the tides and Natsu grit his teeth. He hated it. All of it. Why was this happening? When the doors slammed shut behind him, the heat of the sun beat across his face in greeting and his steps trudged like lead towards the one place he could be alone.
What the hell is wrong with me?
The trek back to his home at the edges of Magnolia was a slow one, but the very reason his energy levels were low, was such a distance away, it would take days - or weeks- to reach. Far past the architectural remains of Tartaros, through the fields, forests and mountains of Fiore, over the Ocean and Beyond. The very reason to Natsu’s nightmares hummed to himself at his desk, working away through the empty pages of an old book, filled with blotches of ink and mystical spells wrapped and merged together with scientific formulas.
It truly was a shame the members of Fairy Tail couldn’t stop Zeref from obtaining his strongest book. END lay open before him, the pages an age old memory the Mage could recite with ease. If they had any inkling of the true power tucked within that book, of what it really held, would they have tried harder to keep it in their grasp? Zeref doubted it. They hadn’t the knowledge or the capabilities to stop him when he wanted something.
And he wanted this book. It would be useless in the hands of weaker beings when there was so much to be done. So much to prepare; and for one such as him, there was plenty of time to do it. Zeref’s work took a delicate touch. Intense focus. He brushed the dark fringe of hair from his eyes and inhaled, holding his breath while scratching ink into magic sigils on the page. Like surgery, he had to keep his attention. A single mistake could ruin the entire book.
A ruined book would throw everything into disarray. Though the effects on his brother would be interesting to examine. In some ways, the experiments used to create Natsu were similar to observing a lab rat. The part of Zeref that still loved Natsu like family, cringed at the thought, but the side that understood science, his studies, and the way of life, accepted it as a factual statement.
Natsu Dragneel. Zeref’s little brother and experimental Demon: his little lab rat.
Who was currently imperfect.
“Tenrou was the first proof.” He acknowledged, allowing his voice to fill the room as his only source of interaction. “Natsu wasn’t enough. Far from it. A younger me would be willing to wait, but I’m done with that. Mistakes were made, but they can be fixed.”
Days. Weeks. Months. He’d been reworking the words of END ever since he retrieved it. Only now would the effects start to take hold on the very being they connected to. It was a shame Zeref couldn’t visit and explore these changes in person, but he wasn’t stupid. A dragonslayer’s nose would scent him as soon as he was in range. No, this would have to do. Day and night, Zeref worked, and the newest sigil he brought to life, was the fruition of all his present plans.
If Natsu couldn’t defeat him. Then Zeref would force the destructive properties of Natsu’s blood to the front of his very psyche. He would become the power Zeref needed, no matter the consequence. Not for the first time, he considered whispering an apology into the air, but it was pointless. Too little, too late. It made no difference. The damned did not deserve forgiveness.
The sigil flared to life seconds after Zeref’s fingers moved from it. Light glowed from the ink, a deep red that simmered and burned, creating the scent of smoke and ash to flood his study. This was expected, but the speed of the reaction surprised him. His changes were speeding up their frequency beyond his own assumptions. Brilliant. What an excellent little Brother I have. Zeref marveled at his work as the sigil flickered from bright to dim, settling in a slight, ember glow as the small, miniature figure arose from the pages, arms and body bound by the links of chains made of ink.
“The start of my success.” Zeref stated, a self-satisfied smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. He didn’t give himself long to celebrate, dipping his quill into the bottle of ink nearby to continue his work. The pen scratched against the pages, splattering from time to time if Zeref grew too impatient with his dipping, but the figure in the sigil remained, struggling against its binds like a caged animal, struggling for freedom.
It snarled once, but the voice was so miniscule that Zeref paid it no mind. Another and once another line of etchings covered the page, a flare of flames burst from his captive, dispersing heat into Zeref’s face as his bangs blew back from the air pressure. A good sign.
Another growl and the chains lashed out from the thrashing, smacking against the inkwell spilling forth its contents against the corner of the book. Zeref cursed, fingers gripping the quill tightly before they relaxed. A corner would not spoil his plans.
“Now, now,” Zeref chided, voice soft as he set the bottle up once more and out of the range of his thrashing subject, “we mustn’t make a mess, Natsu.”
He finally examined his little brother, stuck in the confines of his glowing cage. A mere illusion, but a connected form that called to the inner beast that resided in Natsu’s veins. Zeref could see the preview of his work, fangs gnawing and gnashing as he continued to pull against his chains. No trace of humanity shown within his eyes, replaced by the demonic glow of fire and rage. A deep, angry fuel that gathered its strength and tried desperately to break free.
“Do you want to kill me?” Zeref asked, his attention to his writing was gone, focusing instead on the leftover remnants of what once was his brother. “End our suffering? Do you hate me yet? Lost in nightmares as I change your genetic makeup from the inside out. This is your fault you know.”
Not strong enough. A failure. A disappointment. The list could go on. Zeref sighed and began to write once more.
“No, that’s not accurate. The fault is also mine.”
The illusion that was Natsu, but not, howled as magic and energy struck back against the sigil, each new word on the pages pouring into his body, altering him with each new addition. Zeref clicked his tongue and began to hum to the rhythm of Natsu’s incarceration.
“Leaving you with the Dragon was a mistake.” Quick strokes against the pages and another line of changes was complete. Natsu’s body fell to the pages, curling into a ball as the snarls and growls petered out into a tired, pained whine. Zeref shushed him like a parent soothing their child and began the next line.
“Let me… refineyou.”
The pen continued, and Natsu screamed.
He screamed and screamed and screamed. The darkness was no longer part of his dreams. He was small and encompassed in searing light that threatened to burn through to his bones. A heat he couldn’t handle. Gone was the laughter and the taunts, only the soft voice of Zeref as he continued his work. The walls that towered around him made Natsu feel small and miniscule, overrun by hopelessness and fear.
It hurts. I don’t want this. I don’t want this!
He woke from another dream, throat hoarse from the force as the taste of blood tinged his tongue. It was still midday and Happy hadn’t come home yet. Natsu’s need for rest pulled him from his Guild, but now he couldn’t find solace even in the light of day. And something was burning.
The house. His and Happy’s home. It was burning. Burning full of flames that were his and not. He didn’t recognize them. Black embers glowed and sizzled from the floor and to every collected item he hoarded. The walls lit up and the tree, central to the design of his home, all but melted before him, falling about with the rest of his own as the roof toppled down and sunlight poured in.
“Shit!”
Natsu had just enough time to escape with a few things bundled into his arms. His memories continued to send smoke into the sky and Natsu realized, in horror, that everything he had, everything that represented his love and care for the Guild who had raised him, was now gone. And a strange weakness in his legs kept him from moving further from the debris of his own home, falling to the dirt as tears stung his eyes.
“What’s.. Happening to me?!”
He could have sworn he heard laughter, loud and mocking, echoing through the breeze.
So it’s time for my AU. As I mentioned here Mavis did not die and Zeref took her to Arvalez. Because of the curse, Mavis was also subjected to the side effects of the curse and has already ceased to consider the war inhuman, fully engaging in the process of expanding the empire.
What about August? Well, he was also born, but Zeref and Mavis were afraid that their love could kill him, so August grew up in the distance of his parents. Yes, Mavis created excellent ethereal projections of her and Zeref, but still it still didn’t help from August’s overwhelming loneliness.
As for the scene in this picture… In fact, this is the same scene when Makarov was able to get an audience with the emperor. I don’t remember why Makarov went to Alvarez, but I don’t think he could have had other motives. Here he is met not by Mavis and Zeref themselves, but by their ethereal projections, but Makarov still had to wait a long time for an audience with them.
Hah, it’s little AU where the curse works differently and the love of Mavis and Zeref couldn’t kill them, and it can be canceled only with the help of divine intervention. More about this AU I’ll post later.
