#zhongli angst

five more minutes.

plot:the characters’ s/o dies.

contains:tartaglia, kaeya, zhongli

warnings:angst, incredibly angsty, swords, blood, death, panicking

TW DEATH, TW BLOOD please do not proceed if you’re uncomfortable with the topics

ps: the song tartaglia is singing at the end is a rough translation of голубой вагон, a song from an old tv show for kids!

tartaglia

it’s always been promises over promises with him. many times has he came home from work covered in blood, dead eyes wandering around looking everywhere but not into yours, wounds bleeding over his clothes, leaving nasty scars behind. countless times had you pleaded him to watch out more, to be more careful, to choose his battles wisely, you reminded him that you couldn’t bare to loose him.

and countless times had he responded that you’re being silly, nobody could ever kill him, that he’s never gonna leave you alone, he’ll always be there for you, that he won’t loose.

and he kept his end of the deal this time. as a soldier you know one thing: if there’s an order, there’s no room for discussion, it just needs to be done and that’s it. so he fulfilled your order, he stayed alive.

so why didn’t you?

he never imagined it’d turn out this way. never in his deepest nightmares on the longest nights of the year. he would never wish on his worst enemy to be seeing his love loose life in front of them.

and yet here he was - restrain of the abyss herald’s grip on his wrists as he screamed, and screamed, even though he didn’t hear anything.

why was his body so weak? why couldn’t he just push him away and save you? why, why the fuck, when he needed his own abyssal powers, they wouldn’t work?

the sad smile of a blonde girl wielding a bloody sword before your falling body enraged him to the brim, anger tuning down all the other feelings, making him finally snap out of the herald’s hold, running towards you, tripping over his own feet in a rush.

“hey, hey, love, look at me” he didn’t know if it was a whisper or a cry, nevertheless he pleaded endlessly “it’s okay, you’re fine, i got you now, don’t worry”

was he calming you, or was he calming himself? your lost eyes finally found their way to his, as you opened your mouth in attempt to talk.

“shh, okay, don’t push it, save your energy for surviving” he put his hand on your cheek, gently wiping down the sweat, blood and tears.

“seems i finally managed to get back at you, tartaglia” the woman’s voice behind him suddenly exclaimed, walking over to the two of you. the redhead’s expression turned furious as his eyes sparkled with a dangerous shade of purple, overtaking the eveblue hue, an electric polearm appearing in his grip.

“one more step and you’ll be wishing you were never born” he gritted, hand shaking a bit from emotion. “fucking run”

the figure laughed bitterly before truly disappearing, or maybe she just walked away? you couldn’t notice, not with your vision blurring into one mush of images before your eyes.

a sudden need for your lover hit you, and with everything you had, you tugged on his uniform.

“ajax?” you muttered, and felt his muscles tense upon hearing the name.

“yeah? come on, love, let’s get you outta here” he smiled, or at least you thought he smiled, before struggling to lift you up, his arms tired and covered in cuts to add to his collection of scars.

you shook your head.

“can you— can you do something for me?” you coughed, feeling a watery substance flood your mouth.

“mhm, i’ll do anything, as soon as we get out of here” he promised, hopes of getting you to safety never fading away.

“no, no ajax, that— that won’t be n-necessary” you whispered with a weak smile. “i just want to hear your voice one more time”

your arms were fighting against him only gently, strength leaving your muscles, but he still abandoned his tries of lifting you with a broken cry.

“you’re gonna hear it every day, sweetheart, every day until you get sick of it” he kept saying “you still need to hear all my dumb jokes, all my million i love you’s, and all my stupid teasing, you’re gonna have to tell me to shut up so many times— who’s gonna tell me to shut up if not you?” tears dropped onto your cheek in a rapid pace, warming dots on the cold skin sending last messages to your tired brain. “i’m gonna make you get sick of it, pinky promise” he laughed through the tears, lacing your fingers together without waiting for your approval.

“can you… sing me that one s-song you said always put your siblings to s-sleep with?” your breaths were labored as if ripped out of your chest by force. “you know, the one you showed qiqi that one time?”

“but you won’t understand a thing, though” he chuckled, wiping his own eyes, and you shook your head.

“i don’t need to. your voice is pretty, do you… do you know that?”

he agreed to your plea with pain stabbing his chest, moving both of you towards a nearby wall, leaning on it for support, before he started to hum a melody born and sang in the land of snow and cold, the notes ironically warming up your slowing heart.

he couldn’t dare look at you, but his hand kept playing with your hair mindlessly as he sang. as predicted, you couldn’t single out any words, but the sound of it alone was peaceful and put your heartrate at ease, words almost not sounding like words, more like something that was meant to be a melody, and not to be spoken with. soon the sounds started fading away, and you gripped tartaglia’s hand tighter, afraid he’ll go away. you didn’t want him to go.

(…)a long, long road swirls and twirls, disappearing somewhere behind the horizon, oh everybody, everybody can dream a beautiful dream (…)

a scream left his throat when you stopped responding to his nudges, body remaining in his arms for long hours, an electric spark painting his irises.

they would pay for this with a river of blood and suffering, every single one of them, even if it would be the last thing tartaglia ever did.

if this is the hill he’d die on, he’d gladly do it, for you.

kaeya

it’s been a while since kaeya was deployed to a field fight, and to be honest, he wasn’t so sure of his abilities, after all, all he did for a long time was practice with bennett, but orders were orders, and so he went into battle. he wished he could have you by his side, but you were leading another group of knights, destined to hit the enemy’s resting place from some place else.

despite his previous worries, everything was going surprisingly smoothly and well. at one point he felt something heavy smash against his back, but looking over your shoulder he saw you, gasping for air.

“everything fine over here, captain?” you asked teasingly, the everlasting smile on your lips making kaeya grin as well.

“with such great support, how could it not?”

and it did go great, actually, another great victory against the abyss, another question for kaeya to keep himself with at night - was he on the right side of things? should he feel sympathy for his now foes? should he feel like he belonged with people who abandoned him? was it bad that he didn’t?

he struggled with every thin and perfect slice of his sword, but managed to pull through, as orders are always orders, feeling happy about being able to go home with you and let the feeling of your fingers brushing against his face numb the hole he felt forming in his chest.

so, he looked around to find you. maybe before you could go to the tavern and have one quick drink to help you both sleep? diluc acted like he didn’t, but he would want to see that kaeya is alive and well, so he could peacefully ignore his existence again.

“darling” he almost chirped, feeling great to drop the military ranks and refer to you as a lover should, with care and fondness, but his voice stuck in his throat when he saw one last abyss mage’s flames go right through you.

suddenly all the moral issues were settled for him, priorities set straighter than ever.

one second, and he was there, one more and the mage was no longer a threat, an icy figure in the shape of him turning into dust, the next moment kaeya was right beside you, your head on his thighs, as he gently patted your cheeks to stir you awake.

“jean!” he yelled with all he had “jean, get me a medic!”

people were rushing all around, causing terrible noise and commotion, yet no one was there to hear his plea, which he repeated over and over. finally he grabbed one knight by their forearm and ordered them to send for the acting grandmaster as soon as possible.

“kaeya” you gasped, noticing his face hover above yours. “kaeya” you repeated “fuck, something hurts so much, what the hell happened?” you winced in pain, shifting and squirming around, bringing yourself more suffering than necessary.

“shh” he attempted calming you “it’s nothing, baby, it’s just a scratch” he smiled softly, trained excellent at hiding his own fear until a confident demeanor.

it was more than just a scratch.

“really? it— fucking hell, it burns so much, fuck, kaeya please, please make it stop” you begged, causing panic to settle deeper and deeper inside his stomach.

“mhm, someone is coming to treat this for you as we speak, they’re gonna be here any minute, sweets” he assured “they’re gonna bandage you up nicely and you’ll be up and ready to go!”

you nodded, but your breath still hitched and your eyes still wandered around in panic, as you squeezed kaeya’s hand tighter for grounding.

“am i gonna die? please don’t let me die, i don’t want to go yet, i’m not rea—“

“baby, baby, hey, calm down” he cooed, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “everything is okay, you’re okay, i’m not gonna let anybody die on my watch, okay?” his face went white when he saw his other hand, resting on your upper stomach, stained with much more blood than he’d like to see. fuck.

“i don’t want to go, i don’t want to, i don’t—“ you choked on your own tears, and the rest of what you intended to say was no longer audible. kaeya’s bloody hand went up to his mouth and nose in a desperate attempt to muffle his own cry of helplessness, as he looked around in search of jean, or any medic, or just anyone who had a bandage, but noticed no one.

“alright” he said, swiftly ripping off a sleeve of his attire, wrapping it over your body, just above the fatal wound. “i’m gonna do this shit myself” he groaned squeezing it tighter and tighter, but not even a whimper of pain left your mouth.

“feeling okay there, sweets?” he asked, constantly checking if the blood flow decreased, but you didn’t answer, causing him to look up to your pale face and fading eyes. “hey, no no no, do you hear me, y/n? please, tell me you hear me” his tone became less and less commanding and more of a beg.

“thank you, kaeya” you whispered softly, eyes shutting down “i’ll always look over you” you added.

“i don’t need you looking over me, i need you to look at me, or with me, or, fuck, just, don’t go, please, please don’t leave me here alone” his cries breaking in the middle of the sentence formed something that would be quite hard to understand, too bad you weren’t listening either way. “i need you here with me” he wanted to scream, but his tired throat only let out a bare whisper. his head dropped as he wept, not knowing how much time had passed before a hand touched his shoulder, hand belonging to master jean. he looked up at her with nothing but pain.

he finally understood what diluc felt when leaving the knights.

zhongli

after all those years, and all those loses, he thought he would get used to outliving people, even if the price was to stop caring completely. but as time flew by, he realized, it wasn’t getting any easier, not even a little.

obviously there was this voice at the back of his head that predicted how it’s all gonna go the second he met someone, along with the feeling of being above everybody else, of being different, superior, even.

but oh how foolish he was back when he thought being a god makes him somehow better than humans. how could he ever think that? the only difference that mattered was that he was significantly harder to kill.

and that stopped being an advantage at some point.

he had made a promise with himself never to fall in love again after what happened with his first. besides, what was the average life expectancy of a human? however long their life would be, it still wouldn’t pass for more than a second in the lifespan of a god. the decision of becoming dependent on somebody was just too stupid to make,

and yet here he was. by his desk in the funeral parlor, flicking through the pages of a book, but, uncharacteristically for himself, kept glancing at the clock to see when his shift would end and he could go on a long promised meeting with you. it was so close to striking the hour he hoped for, but then all of the sudden a faint knock interrupted the silence in the room.

“could you get it, mr zhongli?” director tao asked without her usual energetic undertone, focused on some finance book all scribbled over with her messy handwriting. he nodded, even though she couldn’t have noticed that, and walked over to the door.

imagine the surprise in his eyes when upon opening it, a heavy weight fell right into his arms, a whimper leaving your mouth as your burning forehead touched the material of his vest.

“love?” he asked, concerned, as he noticed redness spreading all over his attire, and the sickly colour of your skin. “are you alright? what happened?” he asked, strong arms lifting you up to your feet again, but still supporting your waist, your legs too weak to stand on their own.

“it was an… an accident, i didn’t- didn’t mean to” you breathed out, clinging onto his clothes, afraid to fall.

his at all times calm eyes examined your condition growing more and more worried, before it finally got to him that he needed to act fast.

“what the hell?” hu tao finally got up from her desk, and rushed over, swiftly knocking over things laying on zhongli’s desk, rushing him to put you there. after an irritated glance at the “child he can’t stand” he did agree to comply, putting you down slowly and securely.

only when they both looked at you this way did he realize how badly hurt you were, yet his mind was still irritatingly calm. that’s alright, he can just use his godly powers to help, right?

he put his hand down right above your wound and focused the energy inside him, yet nothing happened.

“mr zhongli, what on earth are you doing?!” the brunette yelled “go get baizhu or something!”

he frowned, distressed. “give me a second”

his eyes fluttered close again as he tried once more, his hand trembling, veins flexed, but to no avail.

he gasped for air both from frustration and tiredness, the reality hitting him all of the sudden,

you were dying. and he could do nothing. he gave up the power he could’ve used to help you now, oh how selfish he was, how reckless, even after all those years.

“send for baizhu!” he yelled, hu tao looking at him in disbelief

“that’s what i’ve been saying all along!” she shouted before leaving to get the medic, zhongli staying by your side.

“love” he whispered as soon as the door closed behind his boss. “look at me, please”

with effort, you opened your eyes and glanced at him, though your vision was blurry and you barely made out the details of his face, your hand went up to cup his cheek.

he smiled at the touch, shifting his head closer, hands traveling to hold your cold one.

“i’m so sorry” you mumbled, and closed your eyes again, his pupils widening.

“no need, darling, just stay with me” he said calmly, but his whole body shook from fear. “stay with me” he begged once more, but he already knew the reality of his pleas.

once more his life and love was leaving him, and all he could do was hold their hand.