five more minutes.

plot:the characters’ s/o dies.

contains:tartaglia, kaeya, zhongli

warnings:angst, incredibly angsty, swords, blood, death, panicking

TW DEATH, TW BLOOD please do not proceed if you’re uncomfortable with the topics

ps: the song tartaglia is singing at the end is a rough translation of голубой вагон, a song from an old tv show for kids!

tartaglia

it’s always been promises over promises with him. many times has he came home from work covered in blood, dead eyes wandering around looking everywhere but not into yours, wounds bleeding over his clothes, leaving nasty scars behind. countless times had you pleaded him to watch out more, to be more careful, to choose his battles wisely, you reminded him that you couldn’t bare to loose him.

and countless times had he responded that you’re being silly, nobody could ever kill him, that he’s never gonna leave you alone, he’ll always be there for you, that he won’t loose.

and he kept his end of the deal this time. as a soldier you know one thing: if there’s an order, there’s no room for discussion, it just needs to be done and that’s it. so he fulfilled your order, he stayed alive.

so why didn’t you?

he never imagined it’d turn out this way. never in his deepest nightmares on the longest nights of the year. he would never wish on his worst enemy to be seeing his love loose life in front of them.

and yet here he was - restrain of the abyss herald’s grip on his wrists as he screamed, and screamed, even though he didn’t hear anything.

why was his body so weak? why couldn’t he just push him away and save you? why, why the fuck, when he needed his own abyssal powers, they wouldn’t work?

the sad smile of a blonde girl wielding a bloody sword before your falling body enraged him to the brim, anger tuning down all the other feelings, making him finally snap out of the herald’s hold, running towards you, tripping over his own feet in a rush.

“hey, hey, love, look at me” he didn’t know if it was a whisper or a cry, nevertheless he pleaded endlessly “it’s okay, you’re fine, i got you now, don’t worry”

was he calming you, or was he calming himself? your lost eyes finally found their way to his, as you opened your mouth in attempt to talk.

“shh, okay, don’t push it, save your energy for surviving” he put his hand on your cheek, gently wiping down the sweat, blood and tears.

“seems i finally managed to get back at you, tartaglia” the woman’s voice behind him suddenly exclaimed, walking over to the two of you. the redhead’s expression turned furious as his eyes sparkled with a dangerous shade of purple, overtaking the eveblue hue, an electric polearm appearing in his grip.

“one more step and you’ll be wishing you were never born” he gritted, hand shaking a bit from emotion. “fucking run”

the figure laughed bitterly before truly disappearing, or maybe she just walked away? you couldn’t notice, not with your vision blurring into one mush of images before your eyes.

a sudden need for your lover hit you, and with everything you had, you tugged on his uniform.

“ajax?” you muttered, and felt his muscles tense upon hearing the name.

“yeah? come on, love, let’s get you outta here” he smiled, or at least you thought he smiled, before struggling to lift you up, his arms tired and covered in cuts to add to his collection of scars.

you shook your head.

“can you— can you do something for me?” you coughed, feeling a watery substance flood your mouth.

“mhm, i’ll do anything, as soon as we get out of here” he promised, hopes of getting you to safety never fading away.

“no, no ajax, that— that won’t be n-necessary” you whispered with a weak smile. “i just want to hear your voice one more time”

your arms were fighting against him only gently, strength leaving your muscles, but he still abandoned his tries of lifting you with a broken cry.

“you’re gonna hear it every day, sweetheart, every day until you get sick of it” he kept saying “you still need to hear all my dumb jokes, all my million i love you’s, and all my stupid teasing, you’re gonna have to tell me to shut up so many times— who’s gonna tell me to shut up if not you?” tears dropped onto your cheek in a rapid pace, warming dots on the cold skin sending last messages to your tired brain. “i’m gonna make you get sick of it, pinky promise” he laughed through the tears, lacing your fingers together without waiting for your approval.

“can you… sing me that one s-song you said always put your siblings to s-sleep with?” your breaths were labored as if ripped out of your chest by force. “you know, the one you showed qiqi that one time?”

“but you won’t understand a thing, though” he chuckled, wiping his own eyes, and you shook your head.

“i don’t need to. your voice is pretty, do you… do you know that?”

he agreed to your plea with pain stabbing his chest, moving both of you towards a nearby wall, leaning on it for support, before he started to hum a melody born and sang in the land of snow and cold, the notes ironically warming up your slowing heart.

he couldn’t dare look at you, but his hand kept playing with your hair mindlessly as he sang. as predicted, you couldn’t single out any words, but the sound of it alone was peaceful and put your heartrate at ease, words almost not sounding like words, more like something that was meant to be a melody, and not to be spoken with. soon the sounds started fading away, and you gripped tartaglia’s hand tighter, afraid he’ll go away. you didn’t want him to go.

(…)a long, long road swirls and twirls, disappearing somewhere behind the horizon, oh everybody, everybody can dream a beautiful dream (…)

a scream left his throat when you stopped responding to his nudges, body remaining in his arms for long hours, an electric spark painting his irises.

they would pay for this with a river of blood and suffering, every single one of them, even if it would be the last thing tartaglia ever did.

if this is the hill he’d die on, he’d gladly do it, for you.

kaeya

it’s been a while since kaeya was deployed to a field fight, and to be honest, he wasn’t so sure of his abilities, after all, all he did for a long time was practice with bennett, but orders were orders, and so he went into battle. he wished he could have you by his side, but you were leading another group of knights, destined to hit the enemy’s resting place from some place else.

despite his previous worries, everything was going surprisingly smoothly and well. at one point he felt something heavy smash against his back, but looking over your shoulder he saw you, gasping for air.

“everything fine over here, captain?” you asked teasingly, the everlasting smile on your lips making kaeya grin as well.

“with such great support, how could it not?”

and it did go great, actually, another great victory against the abyss, another question for kaeya to keep himself with at night - was he on the right side of things? should he feel sympathy for his now foes? should he feel like he belonged with people who abandoned him? was it bad that he didn’t?

he struggled with every thin and perfect slice of his sword, but managed to pull through, as orders are always orders, feeling happy about being able to go home with you and let the feeling of your fingers brushing against his face numb the hole he felt forming in his chest.

so, he looked around to find you. maybe before you could go to the tavern and have one quick drink to help you both sleep? diluc acted like he didn’t, but he would want to see that kaeya is alive and well, so he could peacefully ignore his existence again.

“darling” he almost chirped, feeling great to drop the military ranks and refer to you as a lover should, with care and fondness, but his voice stuck in his throat when he saw one last abyss mage’s flames go right through you.

suddenly all the moral issues were settled for him, priorities set straighter than ever.

one second, and he was there, one more and the mage was no longer a threat, an icy figure in the shape of him turning into dust, the next moment kaeya was right beside you, your head on his thighs, as he gently patted your cheeks to stir you awake.

“jean!” he yelled with all he had “jean, get me a medic!”

people were rushing all around, causing terrible noise and commotion, yet no one was there to hear his plea, which he repeated over and over. finally he grabbed one knight by their forearm and ordered them to send for the acting grandmaster as soon as possible.

“kaeya” you gasped, noticing his face hover above yours. “kaeya” you repeated “fuck, something hurts so much, what the hell happened?” you winced in pain, shifting and squirming around, bringing yourself more suffering than necessary.

“shh” he attempted calming you “it’s nothing, baby, it’s just a scratch” he smiled softly, trained excellent at hiding his own fear until a confident demeanor.

it was more than just a scratch.

“really? it— fucking hell, it burns so much, fuck, kaeya please, please make it stop” you begged, causing panic to settle deeper and deeper inside his stomach.

“mhm, someone is coming to treat this for you as we speak, they’re gonna be here any minute, sweets” he assured “they’re gonna bandage you up nicely and you’ll be up and ready to go!”

you nodded, but your breath still hitched and your eyes still wandered around in panic, as you squeezed kaeya’s hand tighter for grounding.

“am i gonna die? please don’t let me die, i don’t want to go yet, i’m not rea—“

“baby, baby, hey, calm down” he cooed, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “everything is okay, you’re okay, i’m not gonna let anybody die on my watch, okay?” his face went white when he saw his other hand, resting on your upper stomach, stained with much more blood than he’d like to see. fuck.

“i don’t want to go, i don’t want to, i don’t—“ you choked on your own tears, and the rest of what you intended to say was no longer audible. kaeya’s bloody hand went up to his mouth and nose in a desperate attempt to muffle his own cry of helplessness, as he looked around in search of jean, or any medic, or just anyone who had a bandage, but noticed no one.

“alright” he said, swiftly ripping off a sleeve of his attire, wrapping it over your body, just above the fatal wound. “i’m gonna do this shit myself” he groaned squeezing it tighter and tighter, but not even a whimper of pain left your mouth.

“feeling okay there, sweets?” he asked, constantly checking if the blood flow decreased, but you didn’t answer, causing him to look up to your pale face and fading eyes. “hey, no no no, do you hear me, y/n? please, tell me you hear me” his tone became less and less commanding and more of a beg.

“thank you, kaeya” you whispered softly, eyes shutting down “i’ll always look over you” you added.

“i don’t need you looking over me, i need you to look at me, or with me, or, fuck, just, don’t go, please, please don’t leave me here alone” his cries breaking in the middle of the sentence formed something that would be quite hard to understand, too bad you weren’t listening either way. “i need you here with me” he wanted to scream, but his tired throat only let out a bare whisper. his head dropped as he wept, not knowing how much time had passed before a hand touched his shoulder, hand belonging to master jean. he looked up at her with nothing but pain.

he finally understood what diluc felt when leaving the knights.

zhongli

after all those years, and all those loses, he thought he would get used to outliving people, even if the price was to stop caring completely. but as time flew by, he realized, it wasn’t getting any easier, not even a little.

obviously there was this voice at the back of his head that predicted how it’s all gonna go the second he met someone, along with the feeling of being above everybody else, of being different, superior, even.

but oh how foolish he was back when he thought being a god makes him somehow better than humans. how could he ever think that? the only difference that mattered was that he was significantly harder to kill.

and that stopped being an advantage at some point.

he had made a promise with himself never to fall in love again after what happened with his first. besides, what was the average life expectancy of a human? however long their life would be, it still wouldn’t pass for more than a second in the lifespan of a god. the decision of becoming dependent on somebody was just too stupid to make,

and yet here he was. by his desk in the funeral parlor, flicking through the pages of a book, but, uncharacteristically for himself, kept glancing at the clock to see when his shift would end and he could go on a long promised meeting with you. it was so close to striking the hour he hoped for, but then all of the sudden a faint knock interrupted the silence in the room.

“could you get it, mr zhongli?” director tao asked without her usual energetic undertone, focused on some finance book all scribbled over with her messy handwriting. he nodded, even though she couldn’t have noticed that, and walked over to the door.

imagine the surprise in his eyes when upon opening it, a heavy weight fell right into his arms, a whimper leaving your mouth as your burning forehead touched the material of his vest.

“love?” he asked, concerned, as he noticed redness spreading all over his attire, and the sickly colour of your skin. “are you alright? what happened?” he asked, strong arms lifting you up to your feet again, but still supporting your waist, your legs too weak to stand on their own.

“it was an… an accident, i didn’t- didn’t mean to” you breathed out, clinging onto his clothes, afraid to fall.

his at all times calm eyes examined your condition growing more and more worried, before it finally got to him that he needed to act fast.

“what the hell?” hu tao finally got up from her desk, and rushed over, swiftly knocking over things laying on zhongli’s desk, rushing him to put you there. after an irritated glance at the “child he can’t stand” he did agree to comply, putting you down slowly and securely.

only when they both looked at you this way did he realize how badly hurt you were, yet his mind was still irritatingly calm. that’s alright, he can just use his godly powers to help, right?

he put his hand down right above your wound and focused the energy inside him, yet nothing happened.

“mr zhongli, what on earth are you doing?!” the brunette yelled “go get baizhu or something!”

he frowned, distressed. “give me a second”

his eyes fluttered close again as he tried once more, his hand trembling, veins flexed, but to no avail.

he gasped for air both from frustration and tiredness, the reality hitting him all of the sudden,

you were dying. and he could do nothing. he gave up the power he could’ve used to help you now, oh how selfish he was, how reckless, even after all those years.

“send for baizhu!” he yelled, hu tao looking at him in disbelief

“that’s what i’ve been saying all along!” she shouted before leaving to get the medic, zhongli staying by your side.

“love” he whispered as soon as the door closed behind his boss. “look at me, please”

with effort, you opened your eyes and glanced at him, though your vision was blurry and you barely made out the details of his face, your hand went up to cup his cheek.

he smiled at the touch, shifting his head closer, hands traveling to hold your cold one.

“i’m so sorry” you mumbled, and closed your eyes again, his pupils widening.

“no need, darling, just stay with me” he said calmly, but his whole body shook from fear. “stay with me” he begged once more, but he already knew the reality of his pleas.

once more his life and love was leaving him, and all he could do was hold their hand.

plot: you walk in on tartaglia having a meltdown 

warnings: hurt/comfort, but very little comfort, description of self hate (the character, not the reader) 

i listened to god must hate me and nearly made myself cry writing this one

there was exactly zero thoughts in your head as you headed back home from your stroll. initially, you were just going to stop by bubu pharmacy and pick up some things, but from then you just went on walking through each and every little street and pathway liyue has to offer, enjoying the nice weather and the overall gleeful mood everyone seemed to be in. 

by the time you reached the door to your home, it was already getting dark, and your hand was all red and hurting from carrying the shopping bags for a long time, but it didn’t seem to have dampened your mood. you turned the key in the lock of your door and pushed it open with your foot. 

“i’m back!” you shouted, announcing your return to your boyfriend, who you supposed had to be home by now, considering it was his day off as well, but mentally you were prepared to find a note with his usual “hi love, i got called back to work, don’t know when i’ll be back, see you later, love you, don’t miss me too much” resting on the kitchen counter or the dining table. 

when you were met with silence, the thought of him having left seemed even more realistic, and though you weren’t exactly surprised, it did sting you a bit, you were looking forward to spending the day together. 

having closed the door, and while making peace with the fact that you had to entertain yourself alone this evening, you began the tedious task of putting the groceries away, and generally organizing everything that you’ve bought. only after finishing that did you venture further into your home, intentionally walking towards the bathroom, to maybe make yourself a nice bath or something of sorts. 

you halted upon hearing a soft thud coming from the room that has been recently turned into tartaglia’s workplace, or more likely, gym, as if someone fell in there. frozen in place, suspecting it to be a thief or something, because surely if childe was home he would’ve said hi, you waited for the next sound. 

you didn’t expect it to be a curse word said in a brittle voice, followed by something sliding towards the floor. recognizing the owner of said voice instantly, you didn’t even bother to knock before opening the door wide, and marching in there. 

you were met with a difficult situation. your boyfriend was indeed there, and as it turned out, he was the one to have fallen on the floor, now hiding his face between his knees and crossed arms, looking like a lost kid. in front of him, there was a punching bag that has seen better times, and besides, a lot of broken objects that he had to slam against the floor or something along the lines of that. the room seemed tense and you stayed silent for a moment before coming back to your senses and walking up to his side. 

“love?” you asked quietly, crouching in front of him. he didn’t notice your presence, still very deep inside of his own mind, muttering another “fuck” under his breath. “hey” you nudged his shoulder, attempting to speak as softly as it was humanly possible. 

to say it was rare to see the almighty, confident and even presumptuous lord tartaglia like this would be an understatement; you were almost sure you had never, ever seen him break down, nor have you heard of a situation like that happening. hence, you didn’t exactly know how to act. it got to you rather painfully that, while he was an expert at cheering you up and getting you out of the worst breakdowns, you had to idea how to do the same for him. 

he didn’t lift his head up, but you did hear a quiet “what do you want” coming from him. it was hoarse and wobbly, and didn’t sound like him at all. 

“what’s up? why’re we sitting in the dark?” you continued carefully, your fingers running through his hair, since he normally liked it, in any attempt of bringing him some comfort. 

the room fell silent again, and you thought of either leaving him be and just sitting there, or asking another question, but were thrown off tracks by a sudden reply.

“i’m a lost cause” he said slowly, leaving you completely stunned. “i’m-” he started again, but ran out of breath “i can’t even-”

“easy” you coaxed, feeling his body tremble under your hand. “darling, look at me” 

“no” he shook his head instantly, attempting to cover up even tighter. 

“come on, please. i want to help you.” 

witnessing him struggle to even show you, a person he loved, his face, was breaking your heart piece by piece, but nothing could’ve prepared you for what you saw when he finally did lift his head up. 

your eyes were met with his, usually bright and blue, like the sea on a sunny day, now painted a hue bordering on violet, tired and dark, bloodshot with veins all around the iris. his face was as if broken and glued back together with a lavender glue, like his blood turned a different shade and painted his face, almost as if with makeup. the lines were glowing slightly, shining a sickly light at the rest of his pale condition. it wouldn’t feel enough to say it was scary sight - it got the blood in your veins circle back into your heart, or at least that’s what you felt. 

his face was wet with tears and sweat, and had a desperate look painted all over it. you didn’t think twice before moving your hand to cup his cheek, but he urged away from the contact, as if it hurt him. 

only then did you start noticing a bunch of very familiar and very worrying details - how his clothes were ripped, how he struggled breathing, how hot his skin felt, how his hair looked as if he was out faced with strong wind, instead of just sitting in a room. 

“you used it” you stated “why?”

as if on cue, tears started spilling from his eyes again, and he turned away, searching for words. 

“i was trying to get better at it” he admitted “i thought… the reason for why i always feel like i’m dying afterwards is because im tired from battle, or because of something in the environment, or… i just hoped it wasn’t just my fault”

“but-”

“the last time i trained it in safe conditions were still in the fatui facilities. i was young. i thought that now, now that i stopped growing and all, maybe it’d have less of an affect on me. it didn’t. it doesn’t.” 

“we know for a while now that it doesn’t. you know it damn well. why would you-”

“oh for fucks sake!” he interrupted with more energy than in the entirety of the conversation “how would you feel knowing that you have something, you are something every damn army in the world would desire, that you’re supposed to be so special and all, and you can’t even do it right?” his voice was balancing on the fine edge of a cry. “i am nothing more than a simple instrument of war and havoc, and i’m failing at the one thing i’m supposedly good at. i was sent away from home, my father hates me to this day, i spent my teenage years being trained, tested, looked down on, pointed at, sent away as far from my homeland as possible, all for nothing? all for not even being good enough at the one thing that caused it?”

your heart ached. your entire body and spirit ached. you wanted to shout “no” at him, but you couldn’t interrupt something so important, thought heart wrenching.

“ajax, you’re a human being.” you whispered “human beings have boundaries.”

“i have been told i was a monster far too many times to still believe something as naive” he hissed, an unknowing shade of hatred appearing in his eyes. even if it wasn’t directed at you, you still felt small under his piercing gaze. he cleared his throat before coming back to the previous subject. “i… wanted to see how long i could manage. recently i noticed i get tired way easier than i once did when using it, and that the effects last longer. and other than that…” he stopped, looking into your eyes, as if he was searching for your approval to continue. “it’s taking control over me. i get… i get dreams, visions, my face looks different, sometimes a voice in my head starts whispering into my thoughts. it’s terrifying.” 

like hell it was terrifying. just the way he said it made shivers run up your spine. 

“control as in…?” you asked carefully

“as in it’s either going to kill me or make me do it myself” he murmured before practically bursting into tears. you rushed to hug him, feeling your eyes prickle as well, and this time were met with hands embracing your body desperately, pulling you as close as he possibly could, to a suffocating extent. “i don’t want to die yet” he begged in a whisper, making you sob as well. 

you wanted to say something, you had to, but words just wouldn’t come out. 

“fuck, if i was just a little stronger, had just a little more willpower… why do i have to be this pathetic? the unbeatable tartaglia beaten by tartaglia himself! i guess that’s a fitting end to my story”

this was your cue for bringing yourself back up and facing him with a fierce look. 

“you’re not pathetic. and you’re not going to die. you’re by far the strongest person i know, and i know by previous experience you can do anything you set your mind to. you’re the one who always turns problems into challenges, and aren’t challenges what you love the most? if that’s what you fear, then do what you always do and defeat it. and i’ll be there to say you won, just as you always do.” you tried hard to steady your voice and to make it sound confident, even thought you were at the verge of panic. you believed every word you said, but still, even the thought of loosing your love was way too hard for you to bear. “i will turn the world upside down if that’s what i have to do in order to help you, but i will do it. i will do anything to ensure you’re safe. i promise” you said, wrapping your pinkie around his, just like he always does. 

you watched as the violet strings on his face slowly subdued and color returned to his cheeks. 

“you really believe that?” he asked, but it wasn’t at all sarcastic. there was a desperate hope in his voice, a need of reassurance you’ve never seen him show before. 

“i know it” you answered confidently. “i mean, your parents really did look into the future before naming you after a mythical hero”

“a mythical hero who went insane” he argued immediately. 

“well, unless you’re on bad terms with a god like athena then i don’t think that kind of an end awaits you”

“someone has done their reading” it was nice to see humor coming back to him “well, not unless mister zhongli counts”

“isn’t it him who’s on bad terms with you?” you joked carefully, knowing rex lapis’ lie was still a sensitive subject with your boyfriend.

“gods” he chuckled “i must’ve done something really good in my past life to deserve you in this one”

you responded with a smile 

“then i guess we were both once saints”

“what a nice contrast that would make”

so close, so far.

༊…FEATURING;childe. ⇝ CW/TW;basically suicidal thoughts, multiple possible impliedmental illnesses.

liyue has never felt so dull.

your legs shift beneath you, the fabric of your clothing catching on the splinters of wood that stick out from the railing. the wind sifts past you then, a cool breeze that makes goosebumps rise on your skin; desperately chasing warmth. it finds none.

the ground is far, perhaps too close. the cracks in the pavement, oh so subtle, scream at you. memories of moments long ago; the fall of a brick, heavy, easily shattering the concrete. shattering itself in the process. you wonder, just briefly, how easy it’d be to tip over the edge, how simple it would be to do the same—how simultaneously excrutiating but painlessit would feel, making contact with the ground. 

the breeze picks up, much like a warning. the careful slamof the entrance to northland bank feels like a slap to the face—what time is it? what are you doing here? you need to leave, you need to get away before it’s too late, before—

“what are you doing out here, comrade?”

“looking,” the answer comes too quickly as you wave up at the sky.

childe spares only the smallest of glances towards the view; nothing new, liyue always looks like this so early in the morning. he, however, can focus clearly on the intent behind your words—it’s not unfamiliar, the way your voice rises in pitch. he knows why, hell, he knows all too well. looking,you’d said?he grimaces, looking for? looking at? perhaps you’re not really looking at all. 

“hmm.”

you try not to cringe; old habits die hard. childe is as embarrassing as ever.

the distance between the two of you is unfamiliar—always either too close or too far apart, you were. this time, though, he remains at least a few yards away. boundaries have never been spoken of between you two, always too entranced by the other to care; childe wants nothing more than to reach out, hold your hand, hold you tight, and never, everlet go. 

he cannot do that. what he can do, though, is look. that is all childe has been able to do. he can’t remember the last time you’d touched—the last time you’d so much as spared him a glance. he wonders how unexpected it’d be if he were to reach out now; maybe not at all. you know him better than anyone else, anyway. i’m sorry, he wants to say, the moment the sun breaks over the horizon.

he can’t miss the way your eyes gleam so shamelessly under the light; eyes once so bright, a blessing to his own. he wants to see your smile once again—it has been long enough. he may not even carry the rightto drag that out of you, but he wants to try, anyway. anything for you.

you breathe out, a quiet exhale. he looks away.

“i should go.”

this time, he does not speak. although it’s not unexpected, and sure as hell not uncalled for—why would he care, anyway?—his footsteps are slow, languid, more ajax-like than they were only moments prior. they get louder, and louder, and louder, until suddenly his warmth is behind you, a silent kind of question. 

he’s so close. too far. you lean back, subconsciously, burrowing yourself into him. into ajax, childe, tartaglia—whatever he goes by, now. the steady wrapping of his arms around your shoulders is not unwelcome, nor is the pressure of his chin on the top of your head. the way childe hugs, the way he holds, the way he embracesyou..it’s comforting, in a way it should not be.

“don’t go yet.”, he whispers.

don’t go where? you wonder, because where would you go? there is nowhere to be. then, you realize, the ground is so close, there is no one in the street, and that in itself is answer enough. “why?” you ask, because the newfound eleventh harbinger should not care about a local such as yourself. he is not your ajax anymore—no, he’s the tsarita’s faithful servant. he has better things to do, as do you.

the response takes longer than it should; you and childe think horribly alike.

“you can’t leave me alone.”

the breathless laughter, almost sob-ridden, makes your heart race just a little faster than it should. it may have been a while, a while toolong, but childe is no stranger to you. the two of you know that better than anyone; the connection the two of you carried cannot and will not sever itself. even beyond the extent of your lives, it will retain itself towards infinity, however long that may be.

“just a little longer, i promise.”, he adds.

it’s a lie, you think, at the same time his grip tightens around you. it feels like a plea, a beg for mercy, a vulnerability ajax has never shown to anyone but you. you know you cannot accept such a request, you won’t, you shouldn’t; it won’t be just a little longer, you know.childe will become and remain a constant in your life the moment you accept. he will honour the vow he’d taken years ago, won’t let you go the second he has you back. not when you’re like this; simply because, deep down, in that twisted, ugly heart of his—he will always care for you.

perhaps that’s what you need. perhaps it’s what you crave. your hearts have always been just a little too similar.

“okay.”

the hum you receive in response speaks a thousand words. this will not make everything better, no, of course it won’t; what it will do, though, is help you hold on just a little longer. it’s all you have, anyway.

taglist;@izukxnnie !!! join taglist here.

BREAKING UP // CHILDE, THOMA, XIAO

warnings: angst, no comfort (yet)

synopsis: childe thoma and xiao neglect you; breakup angst with select three go go go

writer’s note: by the time i post this it’s probably been sitting in my drafts for like a month haha i’m a huge wimp so i might make a comfort follow-up scenario if this gets enough traction^^^; making a masterlist so expect that soon! by soon i mean tonight or maybe even tomorrow

content under the cut!

TWO BIRDS ON A WIRE

CHILDE

out of the three, whether or not it was you or him who initiated the split childe is the most understanding about what happened.

he’s very in tune with his emotions, empathizing with you comes to him easily, it’s like second nature to him. it’s definitely not because he’s (formerly) been with you long enough to know you that well!

he doesn’t pin any blame on you; if anything, he blames himself for his shortcomings.

as a harbinger, his duties can put a huge barrier between his opportunities of making genuine connections with others and living life normally.

he’s long accepted the fact that he won’t ever live a normal life and it’s not something within your reach to change. he’s already braced himself for whatever that’ll come his way the moment he started courting you.

but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less for him. in fact, the aching pain prickling his whole body is all he can feel whenever he sees anything that reminds him of you in the slightest.

from dazing absentmindedly at the sky itself to trinkets he’ll see on stands, anything and everything never fails to give his heart a tight squeeze. one that makes his breath hitch, one that makes stray tears escape his eyes. “at least you’ll be safe away from someone like me.”

he could wipe as much as he wants at his eyes, but the tears don’t seem to ever stop. with every breath he takes in, he’s terribly overwhelmed with the waves of guilt and regret that wash over him.

he’s convinced himself that he isn’t human anymore. not after murdering people as a harbinger, but harming you as ajax.

the same ajax who would stare at you with nothing but an adoring curiosity, the same ajax who would hold you so close and dear to him while he luxuriated in your company.

when ajax first declared his love for you, he made a silent vow to himself. a promise that entailed how he would never hurt you, that he’d always protect you just like with his family in morepesok.

but as you stand at the door with a bag full of your belongings, as you sob to him about how you don’t care about the necessities he’d bring in hopes it would make up for his absence, as you bawl out that you just wanted to spend quality time with him–

he realizes that he was never loyal to that promise, that he was never loyal to you.

THOMA

he’s supposed to be the fixer, he’s supposed to be able to repair anything!

but thoma can’t fathom why his relationship with you couldn’t be fixed. even your friendship was unsalvageable. after the break up it’s hard for him to even muster up a proper verbal greeting back whenever he sees you.

he blames it on the fact that you two never mended the relationship afterwards (platonically), that you two never properly apologized to each other. he blames it on you for not being understanding enough; his job is very important to him! why can’t you see that?

but thoma is perceptive, enough so to draw the conclusion that he was the one who pushed you far past your limits.

you’re the one trying to fix the relationship with him now, greeting him every morning on the streets of inazuma city. unlike him who only awkwardly waves back, nervous eyes darting away to see anything butyou.

he’s too choked up to think of anything to reply with; he’s too busy thinking about how your tired eyes flash with hurt whenever they look at him. it makes his heart ache.

he’s perceptive enough to know that he was the one at fault for the fall of your relationship. for leaving you lonely at so many promised dinners, all because he wanted to go above and beyond as chief retainer of the kamisato clan.

it’s not until he’s laying alone in a bed meant for two that he realizes that he you were the one he should’ve went above and beyond for.

thoma excels at fixing problems, almost all of inazuma has heard of the man’s ability to solve practically anything. but when thoma holds the broken pieces of your heart in his hands, he for once is completely lost on how to put it back together.

thoma cries in bed, because he finally accepts the heartbreaking fact that he’s hurt you, he’s the one who’s caused your gaze to become so painfully strained. he sobs into your pillow, clutching it tightly thinking it’ll alleviate his longing for you. but it only makes it worse.

it’s the fixer’s fault that your relationship is broken beyond repair.

XIAO

xiao pushes away every single thought of you that passes through his mind.

he doesn’t want to think about you. if he does, he gets a weird unrecognizable ache in his chest that doesn’t go away easily.

he thinks it’s similar to the grief he deals with from losing his comrades in battle, but it’s much more worse. it plagues him with regret that he personally thinks is heavier than any burden he’s had to carry before. it lingers in a painstakingly slow way and it’s worse than any poison he’s ever encountered because he can’t find a remedy no matter how hard he’d look.

he thinks it’s foolish, how a single mortal has caused him so much emotional turmoil in such a short span of time. you two had been together for so long, he was so used to your bright smiles and welcoming personality. he still loves you, despite what had happened.

when you had confronted him about his unusual standoffish attitude and peculiarly aloof mood, he had snapped in a furious rage, saying that he never wanted to see you ever again and how there were more patient and understanding people than you.

xiao never found the courage to tell you that he was sorry. he never found the courage to run after you once he saw tears brimming your eyes as you walked out when he had yelled for you to leave.

he finds it ironic, how he was the one who wished for you to disappear from his life. yet he’s the one who silently watches you from afar, guarding you from any imminent danger.

he’s cleared roads full of treasure hoarders or hillichurls that you would possibly take just so you can get home safely without getting a single scratch from head to toe.

xiao’s unfamiliar with the feeling he gets when he eats almond tofu on the balcony alone now. he would usually eat with you, scoffing whenever you said that meals always tasted better when eaten with another.

he blames the unusual salty taste of the dessert on the fact that he’s eating without you, it’s not because of his tears.