#zorosanji

Sanji: Zoro told you to stay in bed.

Chopper: there’s a scary monster in the closet.

Sanji: scarier than Zoro?

Chopper: *goes to bed*

Zoro: Sanji, I never meant to hurt you. Whenever you’re hurt I feel awful, it’s the worst, I hate it.

Sanji: Wow, it’s amazing, you’ve managed to make even empathy selfish.

Sanji : If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to jump out of that window.

Zoro: …We’re on the ground floor.

Sanji : I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Sanji: I’m dying.

Zoro: It’s just morning sickness.

Sanji: You’re to blame for everything! You put this baby in my womb!

Zoro: But you wanted!

Sanji: I was drunk and horny, obviously I wasn’t thinking, what’s your excuse?

Robin:…

Robin: … Should we tell them?

Nami: Not fucking way

Sanji: You wake up one day with the ability to freeze time for as long as you want with no repercussions. What’s the first thing you do with your newfound power?

Zoro: take a nap

Sanji: you just woke up

Zoro: take a nap

Sanji: This is so good. The sauce is creamy. Reminds me of last night with Zoro

Usopp: …and that’s the end of my Fettuccine Alfredo night

Zoro: Hello.

Sanji: Where the fuck have you been?

Zoro: Asleep.

Sanji: For two days?!

Zoro to Sanji: remember to take care of yourself *affectionate*

Zoro to his enemies: take care of yourself *derogatory*

Sanji: Does this mean we’re friends again?

Zoro: No! We’re not friends!

Zoro:

Zoro: We’re dating

Sanji: That was terrifying! Don’t pause like that!

Chopper: I’m going to my first job, any hot tips?

Sanji: Yes! Lie for fun. Don’t start drama, but make sure you escalate it.

Sanji: I made you a flower crown

Zoro: I don’t like flowers.

Sanji: Oh, I guess I’ll give it to Law then-

Zoro: No. Put it on me.

*Zoro finds Sanji staring at a dead body*

Zoro: alright, let me call Nami

Sanji: I already called 911

Zoro: you called the police before you called me?!

Sanji: I’m supposed to call you first when I find a dean body?!

Zoro: yEs!

Good old neighbor Roronoa Zoro

Zoro*scream*: WHAT’S YOUR NAME?

Sanji: What?

Zoro *scream louder * WHAT IS YOU NAME?

Sanji: Sanji

Zoro: FUCK YOU SANJI *go back to his house*

Sanji *arguing*: I don’t understand, Vinsmokes is MY business, not yours. Why you put yourself in danger again?

Zoro *screaming* BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

Zoro: I just want you to know that I love your brother very much.

Reiju: You do?

Zoro: Yes.

Reiju: Really?

Zoro: Yes.

Reiju:

Reiju: May I ask why?

Zoro: Any news?

Sanji: Just waiting on your x-ray

Zoro: But I’ve never dated anyone named Ray?

Sanji: ….And we might do a brain scan

The police officer: Can you describe the person who shot you?

Sanji: She seemed mad.

Zoro: So, she is already met you

Sanji: Asshole, where are you going?

Zoro: Well, that depends, babe. When I die, probably hell; but right now I’m going to the bathroom.

Zoro: let’s meet at 7 o'clock

Sanji: It’s already 8

Zoro: No means no

Zoro: Me, I’m a man of action. You have to act first and then apologize later. Like I have learned to do.

Sanji: But you never apologize.

Zoro: I would if I had ever been wrong

Sanji: Why is your back all scratched up?

Zoro: *flashes back to him chasing a raccoon after Sanji told him to leave it alone*

Zoro: I’m having an affair.

Sanji: [feels arms wrap around his waist]

Sanji: I have a boyf- [turns around]

Zoro: [grins down at Sanji]

Sanji, blushing: Oh… Let me go, Mosshead

Law: So do you like Sanji?

Zoro: What? No. I would never.

Law: So you wouldn’t mind if I asked him ou-

Zoro: I will kill you with both my hands

Sanji: you read my diary?

Zoro: at first I didn’t know it was your diary; I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book.

Zoro: You know how when you boil Pepsi and it really opens up a different kind of flavor?

Sanji:

Sanji: When you fucking what?

Sanji, tied up: Personally, I blame you.

Zoro, tied up next to him: How can it possibly be my fault?

Sanji: Because otherwise it would be my fault. And that can’t be right.

Luffy: I’m not going to tell you, I’m not a snitch

Sanji: Right, let’s try something else then. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with

Luffy: Lmao, @Zoro

Zoro: I love you

Sanji: How many people have you said that to?

Zoro: Everyone

Sanji: What?

Zoro: I told everyone that I love you

Sanji: *Waking up from surgery*

Zoro: *Holding his hand* Hey how are you feeling?

Sanji: I’m fine, but who are you? You can’t hold my hand, or my boyfriend will get mad.

Zoro: MySanji…

Sanji: ——Don’t call me that. Only my boyfriend can call me that.

Zoro: But it’s me Zoro.

Sanji: *Extremely happy* Zoro!

Zoro: Yes it’s me. But don’t you remember, we’re not boyfriends anymore.

Sanji: We’re not dating? You’re not my boyfriend? *Starts to tear up*

Zoro: No no no. I’m your husband. Don’t cry.

Sanji: *Cries even more* But your not my boyfriend. *Yanks his hand away* Let go of me. You’re not my boyfriend.

Zoro: Houston, we have a problem.

Sanji, sighing: Where are you?

Zoro: Houston. That’s the problem. I don’t know how I got here.

[phone starts ringing]

Usopp, looking at who is calling: [laughs] You still call your dad ‘Daddy’?

Sanji: [answers call and makes direct eye contact with Usopp]

Sanji: Hey, Zoro.

Usopp: [chokes on his drink]

Police officer: What are your names?

Luffy: Don’t tell him, Zoro!

Police officer: [writing it down] Zoro.

Zoro: Oh, nice going, Luffy!

Police officer: Zoro and Luffy. Got it.

Zoro: We should call Nami

Luffy: I scared, call Sanji

Zoro: He can be scary too

Zoro: I could kill you if I wanted to, Sanji

Sanji: So could anyone else.

Zoro:

Sanji: So could a dog.

Zoro:

Sanji: So could a dedicated duck.

Zoro:

Sanji: You’re not special, green boy.

Sanji: I told you–

Zoro: Yes, Sanji, I know. You told me so. Thank you for the update.

Sanji: you constantly turn off your phone with a loss, I can’t even call you back and wake you up.

Zoro: it’s because of the alarm clock

Zoro: And I don’t really want to chat with someone at 6 am

Sanji: If I was thrown into prison, would you help me escape?

Zoro: No.

Sanji: Well you don’t have to say it that fast! Think about it. Let’s try again.

Sanji: If I was thrown into prison, would you-

Zoro: No.

*playing twister*

Nami: Right hand red.

Sanji: *ends up on top of Zoro*

Zoro: You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Nami: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice.

Sanji: It’ll only take a bit. Here, you can play with this kaleidoscope I got you at the airport!

Zoro: What?! A kaleidoscope?! I’m not five-!

Zoro, immediately mezmorized: Shapes and colors, the likes of which I’ve never seen~