Sometimes I have difficulty reconciling the Sadist in me. I question the morality of it, the philoso

Sometimes I have difficulty reconciling the Sadist in me. I question the morality of it, the philosophy behind it, and the healthiness of indulging it. I have a lot of inhibitions in place, some societal, that make pure, unbridled enjoyment in causing a masochist pain occasionally difficult. A lot of it is the reason there’s ‘Dom drop’, where the Dominant feels remorse and guilt over the things that they have done, after the fact. 

Alcohol, though, goes a long way to pulling away those inhibitions, clearing the road of all those troublesome obstacles, and making everything clear sailing. Except, of course, for the fact that without those inhibitions and obstacles, there’s very little to stop me going too far. Couple that with the fact that alcohol fucks your perception right up, and everything gets a little hazy. Funny joke. 

The balance that needs to be found is in finding a way of reconciling one state with the other. I don’t want to be the man with no inhibitions, who doesn’t feel the consequences of his actions in full force. But nor do I want to be a man frozen by anxiety, of believing that the things that I enjoy, and, more importantly, that others enjoy, are wrong. And I’ve gone a long ways to doing that. Maybe I’ll explore that in a longer post sometime. 

What I need is alcohol without the alcohol. Does that exist?

P.S. I may have had a few. Apologies for any of the following: Rambling, nonsensical whimsy, incoherent ideas, random philosophising, evil monologues.