Daily Picture Assignment #133 The other night, I was talking to my owner about how I’ve st

Daily Picture Assignment #133

The other night, I was talking to my owner about how I’ve started to feel like when we do things, it’s only because he’s recently done it with someone else, or because he wants to do something with someone else, so he feels like he has to do something with me first because of my feels.

I explained that it makes me feel like he doesn’t actually want to do anything with me and like what we have isn’t special or different from what he has with others. Reaction Junkie listened to me and reassured me as I talked, but I think he was also getting frustrated/annoyed.

I finally got to my idea about what to do about it. I told him that I want to do more d/s, because a 24/7-esque dynamic is unique to our relationship. When I said that, Reaction Junkie exasperatedly said, “Then don’t be so petulant when I ask you to do things!” It stung a little to have him snap at me like that, but he’s right. I often whine and resist when he tells me to do things, and lately it hasn’t just been when I’m tired or having a rough day.

I will do better. I won’t talk back. I will appreciate my owner’s commands. I will smile and say “Yes, sir.” when given an instruction, or even a suggestion. I will work hard to be proactively submissive. And I won’t just do these things for orders that are fun, like “Go into the bedroom and strip” or easy, like “Get me some water.” I will also keep my submission in mind when he tells me it’s time to go to bed, seems frustrated with me, or I think that doing something like cleaning or organizing will improve his mood.

I know I’ve said all this before, but this time is different. When Reaction Junkie told me not to “be so petulant” when he gives me orders, it really hit home. Yes, it’s partially on him to take on that role, but it’s also on me to take on my role. Since he isn’t naturally inclined towards being dominant in that way, part of my responsibility in our dynamic and in our relationship is to make taking on that role as enjoyable and easy as possible.

In service of living up to that responsibility, I’m going to go a step further than I have in the past. I know I’ve repeatedly talked about responding to my owner’s commands with my submission in mind, but I clearly need something more. (Since I’ve made these sorts of promises “repeatedly.”)

I’m going to ask Reaction Junkie if we can spend at least a little time every day (in the hour or so before bedtime, perhaps?) where I’m not allowed to make eye contact with him without explicit permission, and where I have to kneel next to him until he gives me permission to join him on the couch or the bed. This will help me keep my submission in the forefront of both our minds.

I’m going to start asking permission for more things, such as “May I please change and start exercising, sir?” when I get home from work. Asking him for permission more regularly should help remind both my owner and me of our dominance and submission, respectively.