#reminding him of his place

Daily Picture Assignment #17

On the train on the way to therapy, touching myself because I know it will make Reaction Junkie smile. I love making him smile. Because he owns me and I want to be good for him, of course, but also because I love him and want to see him happy.

I should be proactive in my submission more often. I should think of things to do for him, not just wait passively for instructions. Our d/s is a two way street. I think I forget the s-side of the slash and focus too much on the d-side, on being dominated, ordered around, and controlled. I’m going to spend more energy on my submission, by being more obedient, yes, but also by thinking of things to do for him without being asked. Proactive submission.

I ask him to remind me of my place frequently. It’s only right I should make an effort to remind him of his.

Daily Picture Assignment #97

I wore this little number when Reaction Junkie went out Saturday night. There were also boots over the rainbow pegasus socks.

When Reaction Junkie wants me to do something, he doesn’t always frame it as an order. Sometimes he’ll say something like, “Would you please get me a glass of water?” or “When we get home, could you star the laundry?” I often find myself being more obedient when things are phrased as orders instead of requests, so I’d prefer he give me orders.

Reaction Junkie doesn’t need to be polite or ask me to do things. When I’ve pointed this out to him in the past, he’s told me that because he owns me, is dominant over me, I should interpret any instruction, no matter how polite it may appear, as an order. He added that if he wants to extend social niceties to me, he can do that. He may decide to be polite to keep up appearances around those who don’t understand that he owns me.

And, of course, he’s right. I need to learn to interpret his polite requests as the orders they are. However, I think that, as I sometimes forget my place, Reaction Junkie sometimes forgets his place. He’s my owner, and I’ve submitted to him, yes, but we’re also in a loving relationship where we are each as important and deserving of respect as the other. That can make it easy to forget the underlying truth of our dynamic.

I’m going to work hard to take even the most polite requests as orders. At the same time, I’m going to start responding to all of those instructions, from the request phrased as a question to the barked order, with “Yes, sir” or “No, sir,” and I’m going to start referring to him with honorifics (sir, dear, or other ones we’ve discussed) more frequently, especially when we’re focusing on our dynamic and when I’m feeling disobedient or moody.

Using honorifics more often, and always when obeying an order, will remind both Reaction Junkie and I of our respective places.

Daily Picture Assignment #149

Butt butt.

The fifth reason it’s important to follow orders is that it reminds my owner of his place, as well, and it helps him keep it in mind. Dominance doesn’t come as naturally to him as it might to others, and sometimes he forgets that I have submitted to him and am here for his pleasure.

When I obey happily and eagerly, it is a reminder of that fact. When my owner is frequently reminded what both our places are, it will help him bring that dynamic to the forefront more often, and he will be able to think of more ways in which I can serve him or be useful to him.

Daily Picture Assignment #133

The other night, I was talking to my owner about how I’ve started to feel like when we do things, it’s only because he’s recently done it with someone else, or because he wants to do something with someone else, so he feels like he has to do something with me first because of my feels.

I explained that it makes me feel like he doesn’t actually want to do anything with me and like what we have isn’t special or different from what he has with others. Reaction Junkie listened to me and reassured me as I talked, but I think he was also getting frustrated/annoyed.

I finally got to my idea about what to do about it. I told him that I want to do more d/s, because a 24/7-esque dynamic is unique to our relationship. When I said that, Reaction Junkie exasperatedly said, “Then don’t be so petulant when I ask you to do things!” It stung a little to have him snap at me like that, but he’s right. I often whine and resist when he tells me to do things, and lately it hasn’t just been when I’m tired or having a rough day.

I will do better. I won’t talk back. I will appreciate my owner’s commands. I will smile and say “Yes, sir.” when given an instruction, or even a suggestion. I will work hard to be proactively submissive. And I won’t just do these things for orders that are fun, like “Go into the bedroom and strip” or easy, like “Get me some water.” I will also keep my submission in mind when he tells me it’s time to go to bed, seems frustrated with me, or I think that doing something like cleaning or organizing will improve his mood.

I know I’ve said all this before, but this time is different. When Reaction Junkie told me not to “be so petulant” when he gives me orders, it really hit home. Yes, it’s partially on him to take on that role, but it’s also on me to take on my role. Since he isn’t naturally inclined towards being dominant in that way, part of my responsibility in our dynamic and in our relationship is to make taking on that role as enjoyable and easy as possible.

In service of living up to that responsibility, I’m going to go a step further than I have in the past. I know I’ve repeatedly talked about responding to my owner’s commands with my submission in mind, but I clearly need something more. (Since I’ve made these sorts of promises “repeatedly.”)

I’m going to ask Reaction Junkie if we can spend at least a little time every day (in the hour or so before bedtime, perhaps?) where I’m not allowed to make eye contact with him without explicit permission, and where I have to kneel next to him until he gives me permission to join him on the couch or the bed. This will help me keep my submission in the forefront of both our minds.

I’m going to start asking permission for more things, such as “May I please change and start exercising, sir?” when I get home from work. Asking him for permission more regularly should help remind both my owner and me of our dominance and submission, respectively.