#proactive submission

Daily Picture Assignment #18

Like all of me, my ears belong to Reaction Junkie. I ought to use them and listen to him better.

When I say I should listen better, I mean more than simply being more obedient when he gives me instructions. While that is certainly something I should do, I also should truly listento him better.

Rather than simply doing what he tells me to do, I should pay attention to what he says outside of direct orders. For example, if, on the way home, he mentions being hungry, I shouldn’t wait until he asks or tells me to make him something to eat. I should recognize what he needs and get him a snack or meal before he gives me instructions. If he says he’s unhappy with the way the apartment looks, I should tidy up without him having to tell me to. When he expresses a desire to have his life be different in some way, I should be proactive and come up with ways I can to help him achieve that change.

And I shouldn’t just pay attention to his words, either. I should anticipate his desires even before he verbalizes them, possibly even before he realizes what he wants. If he seems thirsty, I should bring him a drink without waiting for him to say that he wants it. When he’s stressed out or down, I should work to reduce that stress and cheer him up without him needing to ask. He shouldn’t have to put forth much effort thinking of things for me to do and telling me to do them.

After all, I’m here to make his life better and easier. Part of that is listening and paying attention so that I can know and anticipate his wants and needs without needing instructions from him.

When he needs something, I should provide it without being asked. When he has a desire, I should satisfy it before he even expresses it. His wish is indeed my command.

Daily Picture Assignment #17

On the train on the way to therapy, touching myself because I know it will make Reaction Junkie smile. I love making him smile. Because he owns me and I want to be good for him, of course, but also because I love him and want to see him happy.

I should be proactive in my submission more often. I should think of things to do for him, not just wait passively for instructions. Our d/s is a two way street. I think I forget the s-side of the slash and focus too much on the d-side, on being dominated, ordered around, and controlled. I’m going to spend more energy on my submission, by being more obedient, yes, but also by thinking of things to do for him without being asked. Proactive submission.

I ask him to remind me of my place frequently. It’s only right I should make an effort to remind him of his.

Daily Picture Assignment #133

The other night, I was talking to my owner about how I’ve started to feel like when we do things, it’s only because he’s recently done it with someone else, or because he wants to do something with someone else, so he feels like he has to do something with me first because of my feels.

I explained that it makes me feel like he doesn’t actually want to do anything with me and like what we have isn’t special or different from what he has with others. Reaction Junkie listened to me and reassured me as I talked, but I think he was also getting frustrated/annoyed.

I finally got to my idea about what to do about it. I told him that I want to do more d/s, because a 24/7-esque dynamic is unique to our relationship. When I said that, Reaction Junkie exasperatedly said, “Then don’t be so petulant when I ask you to do things!” It stung a little to have him snap at me like that, but he’s right. I often whine and resist when he tells me to do things, and lately it hasn’t just been when I’m tired or having a rough day.

I will do better. I won’t talk back. I will appreciate my owner’s commands. I will smile and say “Yes, sir.” when given an instruction, or even a suggestion. I will work hard to be proactively submissive. And I won’t just do these things for orders that are fun, like “Go into the bedroom and strip” or easy, like “Get me some water.” I will also keep my submission in mind when he tells me it’s time to go to bed, seems frustrated with me, or I think that doing something like cleaning or organizing will improve his mood.

I know I’ve said all this before, but this time is different. When Reaction Junkie told me not to “be so petulant” when he gives me orders, it really hit home. Yes, it’s partially on him to take on that role, but it’s also on me to take on my role. Since he isn’t naturally inclined towards being dominant in that way, part of my responsibility in our dynamic and in our relationship is to make taking on that role as enjoyable and easy as possible.

In service of living up to that responsibility, I’m going to go a step further than I have in the past. I know I’ve repeatedly talked about responding to my owner’s commands with my submission in mind, but I clearly need something more. (Since I’ve made these sorts of promises “repeatedly.”)

I’m going to ask Reaction Junkie if we can spend at least a little time every day (in the hour or so before bedtime, perhaps?) where I’m not allowed to make eye contact with him without explicit permission, and where I have to kneel next to him until he gives me permission to join him on the couch or the bed. This will help me keep my submission in the forefront of both our minds.

I’m going to start asking permission for more things, such as “May I please change and start exercising, sir?” when I get home from work. Asking him for permission more regularly should help remind both my owner and me of our dominance and submission, respectively.