#advice show
batman: what’s the situation?
commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage
batman: what are their demands?
commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.
batman:
[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]
harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.
caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.
harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —
[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]
batman: what station is this?
commisioner gordon: WGTM.
batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?
commissioner gordon:
batman:
commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.
I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?
I WOULD CALL RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?“alright, babe, one more reminder that my license was revoked which means i have to tell you this as your friend and not as a mental health professional: you have two options here. one of them is safe, legal, and healthy, and will have lasting long term benefits. the other one is fun.”
reblogging for this extremely accurate addition.
Ivy’s segment is where people call in to ask why their succulent is dying and she yells at them for watering it too much.
oh, VERY good
A few weeks in Selina gets dragged into it, and starts offering advice on caring for cats with special dietary needs and stuff. It inevitably turns into Jackson-Galaxy-esque explinations.
“My cat keeps attacking my feet.”
“How often do you play with him?”
“Not as much as I should, but he has a basket of toys right there where he can reach it.”
“He wants to play with you. Grab a teaser toy or a laser pointer and go nuts. He’ll wear himself out in about fifteen minutes and you can go back to work.”
great, now i actively want someone to start a podcast that’s just in-character episodes of batman villain radio shows
You know, I actually think this would make for a really good Killer Croc redemption storyline
Cause the guy’s whole deal is him lashing out at society for rejecting him because he has a skin condition (ignoring the cannibalism in certain adaptations), which means radio would be perfect for him. People can’t see him, they can only hear him, and I imagine he has a sort of warm scratchy voice that sounds like he chainsmokes and it feels warm like an old wool blanket
Maybe he tells stories, maybe he does interviews, maybe he takes calls, whatever. But he becomes a fixture of late night Gotham, beloved by late shift workers and night owls, and Waylon Jones becomes a household name amongst a decent chunk of Gotham. That way, when he’s eventually outed, people stop reacting like “AAH A CROCODILE MAN” and start being like “hey, it’s our Waylon!”
I just like the idea of Croc being accepted and even loved by the people of Gotham
Plot twist:
The show is sponsored by Wayne Enterprises.
If you ask Bruce in his billionaire-playboy-philanthropist-idiot persona, he’ll tell you talk radio is the fastest-growing communications segment in the country and you’ll be left wondering how the fuck this man runs a successful business.
If you are one of the select few who knows him in his “also I am Batman” capacity, he’ll tell you overall crime has gone down since the villain-run station has hit the air, and also if Harley Quinn can talk someone out of the early stages of an abusive relationship before he—or worse, the Gotham City Morgue—has to get involved, so much the better.
(Also, Ivy sent him a very nice orchid with very clear, vaguely-threatening care instructions, as a thank-you for the funding. Alfred follows them to the letter, of course.)
Shelving this right next to the one where the Riddler gets a YouTube account and/or escape room business.
Villain enrichment programs
Have you been wanting to get into voice acting? On Good Tips for Hard Times, we’re joined by returning guest Sarah Elmaleh to learn about how to break into the industry, what goes into a home voice acting set up, and what it’s like doing voices for games.
