a/n: this is lowkey ass but here’s another request filled !!! if i don’t fill your request i am so sorry my inbox is VERY full and some of them get lost in the sauce!! 

word count: 2k

warnings: hints at smut but none actually, fluff as always

“Are you sure we can’t cancel?” Spencer whined, letting his hands come to rest on your hips. You had gone to the break room for a last minute pick-me-up before heading out to the bar with the team, not knowing that Spencer had followed you. It had been a long day with the completion of a case early in the afternoon, and the jet ride was only an hour and a half back to Quantico. You knew Spencer wasn’t fond of the bar scene on a good day, let alone after a long winded case.

“Spence, it’s okay, you don’t have to go if you really don’t want to.” You said leaning into him as you made your coffee. Spencer frowned and shook his head.

“No, I’ll go.” You handed Spencer the extra coffee you had made for him and he gulped it down gratefully, pausing to rub his eyes. You grinned and placed a kiss on his cheek before returning to your desk to grab a pair of new clothes. You went to the bathroom to change, and found Emily and JJ already in there, getting ready.

“Hey there!” Emily said, applying a fresh coat of lipstick.

“Did you convince Spence to join us?” JJ asked.

“Somehow yes. It took a lot of coaxing and a few promises of different things for when we get home tonight.” You giggled. Emily’s jaw dropped and JJ raised her eyebrows, sharing a look with Emily.

“Ooooh, dirty things?”

“I don’t kiss and tell!” You replied, fixing your makeup in the mirror. Emily and JJ shared your laughter and you went into the stall to get changed. You emerged in a red, off the shoulder top and a pair of red black skinny jeans with some calf-high heeled boots. You looked in the mirror and grinned at yourself. You looked like a badass. JJ and Emily had already finished and returned to the bullpen by the time you got changed, with Morgan and Spencer. Morgan whistled as you approached and Spencer stopped mid-conversation with JJ to drop his jaw. You knew that red was Spencer’s favorite color, so wearing it in this capacity was a huge thing for him. You grinned as he approached, resting his hands on your waist.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, my love.” He said quietly, placing a quick peck on your lips. Morgan whistled again, and you gave him the finger. He held his hands up in surrender and walked towards the doors, the rest of your team and you following him into the elevator, where Spencer grabbed your hand. Generally Spencer wasn’t a huge fan of PDA, however, he knew that it was your “love language” of sorts, so he would often compromise with small but sweet gestures; such as allowing his hands to rest on your hips or waist, holding your hand, or the occasional peck on the cheek or lips. It was small enough that Spencer was still comfortable, but it made you ridiculously happy.

You split up among yourselves in the parking lot, meeting up at the bar. Hotch promised Emily that he would take his own car there, to which Emily made a face. He gave a look with her that conveyed he had to do something he didn’t want to, such as having a conversation with the witch herself, Erin Strauss. Prentiss broke into a sympathetic smile as she climbed into the car and rocketed out of the parking lot. You plugged your phone into Spencer’s aux to try and get him a bit more perked up, so you put on one of your playlists that he hated the least; and actually had come to enjoy. He hummed along quietly, absentmindedly stroking his thumb across the top of your hand. You stared out the window and just appreciated the quiet time you got with your love. You arrived shortly later, and the drinking had commenced as soon as you and Spence walked in. Garcia shoved a Bay Breeze into your hand and forced you to chug it for being late.

You complied, shotgunned the drink, and slammed it back down on the bar with a cheer. Garcia seemed satisfied and you felt a hand on the small of your back; it was Spencer. He had a weird look on his face, following his gaze you quickly realized why- some guy at the bar was staring at your ass. His look quickly changed to a scowl as he pulled you in and placed a passionate kiss on your lips, to show the entire place you were entirely his. He pulled away and you quickly pecked his lips and smiled.

“I love you.” You said.

“I love you too.” Spence grinned and took a sip of his beer, grimacing at the taste. It was one of the alcoholic drinks he despised the least, but that was not to say that he was particularly fond of it. He couldn’t understand how Morgan was such a fan of the drink, but learned quickly not to ask questions. To each his own.

Spencer lost track of you rather quickly as you were a little ways away, at the other end of the bar, doing shots. Suddenly Spencer felt a presence behind him, and looked back to see Morgan.

“What’s up, Boy Wonder? You look a little lost.” Spencer frowned and shrugged.

“I just don’t like the party bar sort of scene, but I wanted to make (Y/N) happy.” Morgan chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

“Pretty boy, you are both very very sweet, and frankly quite whipped.” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his friend, who was being beckoned by Garcia. Spencer followed behind and when you saw him, you lit up.

“Hey you,” You said, reaching out your hand. Spencer took it gratefully, and pulled you into a hug. You melted into him.

“You guys wanna grab a seat at the bar, get some apps and a few more drinks?” Morgan offered, taking Garica’s hand. You all agreed and Prentiss walked away to call Hotch, to see if he was on his way and if he wanted anything for when he got there.

Your time at the bar was relatively short lived before moving to a table to accommodate the group better. Morgan sat back with his arm slung around Garcia’s shoulders, who was getting closer to tipsy with every sip of her margarita. You were talking about first kisses, to which you felt Spencer tense up slightly beside you, like he so often did during these sorts of conversations.

“I mean, I kissed my childhood best friend on the playground, but I doubt that really counts.” You paused.

“Not really. It counts for something, but it’s not your real like, first kiss. Spill it, girl.” Morgan said, smirking.

“Alright, alright. I was a sophomore in high school; my best friend had this family friend who had a son a year younger than us, who went to high school with us. He was really sweet, but also very VERY quiet. We were sort of friends, in a sense. Like, we knew each other and would text back and forth sometimes, mostly about a bio class we had together, but regardless. I really liked him and he never expressed any real interest in me, other than just like smiling at me and getting close to me, which didn’t mean much. Anyway, my best friend and I went to a New Year’s Eve party at his house and we were mostly hanging out in the basement or floating around with the various kids we went to high school with, just hanging out and other teenager stuff. Lo and behold, it’s the countdown to midnight and he appeared at my side. It became midnight and he grabbed my hand so I would look at him, he took my head in his hands and just kissed me.” You smiled at the memory of the sweet boy who only lasted in your life for about a month.

Derek laughed, Garcia and Prentiss awed, and Spencer didn’t really express anything. He just took a quiet sip of his beer.

“Alright, I said. It’s your turn, Prentiss!” Her eyes widened as she shook her head.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” She smirked, echoing your words from earlier today. You rolled your eyes as Hotch approached the table.

“Saved by the bell.” You muttered as Emily stood, giving Hotch a quick peck on the lips. He smiled and sat beside her.

“Another round?” You offered, standing up with your now empty glass. You crossed the room and took a seat at the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice you. You saw someone sit beside you out of your peripheral and realized it was Garcia, who was grinning wickedly.

“Hi, Sweets.” She said, sounding entirely too innocent. You narrowed your eyes.

“What did you do?” You asked.

“Nothing!”

“Pen.”

“I didn’t do anything. I have an idea,” She smirked.

“Oh God, what?”

“I saw this hilarious thing on Twitter last night where you text your significant other something SUUUPER nasty when you’re in a public setting together to see how they react.” You considered it for a minute, when the bartender approached. You listed off the group’s order and he disappeared.

“You’ve caught my attention, Pen. Have you tried it with Derek?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Have I tried it. Please, honey. I’ve done it 4 times tonight alone, have you noticed him even FLINCH?” You glanced back at Morgan, who was clapping Hotch on the back. Your eyes wandered to Spencer, who was finally smiling, and looked like he was actually having a good time. Perfect opportunity.

“You’re on, Garcia. $20 says Spencer blushes, shifts in his seat, and looks down at the table.”

“Alright, I say he smirks, rests his head on his hand, and gives you that look he does right before you leave the BAU.” A flush filled your face as you realized that your allegedly “discreet” look was apparently not so discreet.

The bartender returned with the drinks seconds later, and you only had about a minute to come up with something GOOD. With the help of Garcia, you got to work crafting the dirtiest text you could think of that would earn you the response you were looking for from your boyfriend.

Spencer felt his phone vibrating in his pocket which immediately alarmed him, considering the few people that would actually text him were all sitting with him. Besides you, who had gone to the bar, but you wouldn’t have just disappeared and only sent a text. He furrowed his eyebrows as he read the text he received from you, immediately reacting the way you thought he would.

He quickly locked his phone and put it face down on the table, running a hand through his hair in discomfort. He felt the blood rushing to his cheeks, among other places, as he began shifting in his seat to try and discreetly make himself a bit more comfortable. He stared at the table, hard, as if he was going to burn a hole through it with his eyes. Meanwhile, you were collecting $20 from Garcia across the room, in tears from laughing so hard. With Penelope’s help you escorted the drinks back to the table, earning a few cheers from your friends. You sat beside Spencer and placed a casual hand on his thigh, making him squirm even more.

“Why did you do that?!” He whispered in your ear.

You simply smirked in response and took a sip of your drink.

“Let’s just say i’m now $20 richer.” Spencer narrowed his eyes at you before looking around the table, his eyes landing very quickly on Garcia. She was being uncharacteristically quiet and still leaning on Derek, but avoiding eye contact with Spencer. He scowled and she ignored it, trying to suppress her laughter.

You placed a chaste kiss on Spencer’s cheek and he shifted again, but grabbed your hand anyway. For what it was worth, Spencer was definitely very good at putting up with your mischievous ways.

You unlocked your phone to send someone a text, when you saw your own to Spencer. You grinned in spite of yourself.

I can’t think about anything besides you throwing me on the bar and ravaging me in every way you please. You know, kinda like last night…. I’ve never heard you say my name so loud.

the best profiler in the room | a.h.

<<sorry not sorry this is literally just angst whoops>>

t/w : angst / crying

wc: 582-drabble

though he was stern and serious, and those eyebrows never seemed to raise, hotch had always had a special place in your heart. by that, you mean you had the biggest crush imaginable on your boss, aaron hotchner. everyone on the team had noticed it, except for the man that was supposed to be the best profilier in the bau – ironic, right?

penelope made fun of you for it constantly, of course. “y/n! hes at leasttwice your age!” she’d say. and, while that was almost true, you’d just throw a sarcastic “nineteen” her way and roll your eyes.

derek thought it was hilarious, too, and never seemed to give the winks and smirks a rest. anytime you and hotch were on assignment together he’d say something along the lines of “don’t have too much fun you two!” and yet hotch never caught a hint.

emily and jj just thought it was adorable that you had a crush on hotch, with the latter singing, “y/l/n and hotch-ner sittin in a tree” while the doctor sat clueless.

nevertheless, your fascination and longing for the stone-cold unit chief persisted, with you trailing behind in a blaze of flushed cheeks and awkward small-talk any time you were near him.

today, you had decided to come in early to have breakfast with the ladies of the team, which you almost never did. your conversation about henry’s latest interest in dinosaurs was rudely interrupted by morgan not-so-subtly nudging your shoulder and gesturing to rossi and hotch who were leaving hotch’s office and chatting. confused, you looked to where he pointed.

that’s when you heard it.

“well is she cute?” dave asked.

“yes she is, but..” that’s all you allowed yourself to hear for a moment as the blood drained from your face.

“well what’s her name?” dave prodded.

“beth,” hotch replied with a small smile.

bethyou thought. beth.

penelope heard, too, and could only look at you with her mouth slightly agape.

emily and jj followed suit, eyes wide, while yours began to heat up with tears. you promptly stood out of your seat and made your way to the bathroom. you closed the door behind you and sobbed quietly. after years of waiting, of pining and crushing and waitingand this is what you get? beth?

the door handle turns and you race to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“y/n? y/n i am so so sorry,” says penelope quietly.

“it’s fine,” you say with a sniff. “i should have figured this would happen, i mean, i’m way to young for him anyway.”

“still you’re in pieces! i just don’t get how he could have missed you after you’ve been right in front of him all this time,” she says sadly.

“i’m glad he’s finally ready to see someone after haley but i guess i just thought that someone would be me,” you said. “i shouldn’t have got my hopes up.”

the door opens once more. “sorry, y/n, garcia, we have a case,” jj says.

“alright,” garcia replies for the both of you. she helps you fix your mascara, but your face is still puffy from crying. you head toward the conference room and sit down as if nothing had happened at all.

hotch looks at you puzzled, and you muster a small smile. he mouths, “is everything alright?”

you huff a small laugh and nod back. the best profiler in the room and he still had no idea.

i’m not sure if this has already happened but if it hasn’t here it is:

i really want to see an episode of criminal minds where they save a kid from an unsub and the first person that the kid sees is hotch.

the kid attaches themselves to hotch and refuses to do any interviews or anything unless he’s there.

like the kid’s freaking out and crying and asking for “that nice man in the suit” and finally calms down when he gets there.

anyway i just think that’d be cute

i’ve literally never posted about criminal minds before (or even mentioned it) but this headcanon just popped into my head

y’know that thing that we used to try to do as kids where we’d try to see who could chug a water bottle the fastest.

yeah hotch is like,,, really good at that.

he can straight up open his throat up and drain a water bottle in under five seconds.

it lowkey freaks the team out. not that hotch knows that they know.

he’d die of shame if he knew.

they found out at rossi’s after an unfortunate series of events involving an excessive amount of alcohol and al dente pasta.

emily lowkey tries to goad him into doing it again at any opportunity she sees

Imagine being so attractive you get picked up off the street to be a model. See, this is why I hate beautiful people. They don’t know the struggle of being average. LOOK AT THIS MAN

Like sir no offense but kindly fuck off the rest of the world doesn’t need a living breathing reminder of how attractive you are compared to the rest of us