#alaska young

What should I feel?

I stood up, but I was swallowed back into the home of my regrets

Have I made the wrong decision?, am I terribly unaware?

I would’ve tried to fix,

to maybe get back what we think we can not longer reach,

Yet my thoughts won’t let me sleep,

because you’re still hurting me

And I still can’t sleep,

because my mind goes back to your scent, and to the ways we could’ve reached

Maybe It’s not wrong that I still feel the way I did a year ago,

when my hands were still free and I was tasting your lips

Maybe now I’ve got a better perspective, of what we’ve been, what we could be

but what if it’s just one of my crazy dreams?

I wish I knew what you feel, so I wouldn’t worry about who I might be.

This craving has grown inside of me, of tasting your lips

Kissing anywhere that’ll make you feel

Holding your hands, looking at your sweet, sunny eyes

laying on you, and feeling all the peace and quiet I need

do you remember the way I feel?, did it even matter to you?

Am I just a long gone ghost?, the shadow of what once was so small, yet so real?

Maybe the universe will make me see what I should feel, what I should think

Maybe I’ll see the right layer of you, and I hope I’ll choose whatever makes my heart feel happy, for once, again, ever.

My truth

I’ve walked the streets up and down, from dusk until dawn

A skeleton with clothes, nowhere to be found

I’ve tried many times to find the owner of my mind, to pray deep into the night,

yet it’s like I’m always behind from where I was

Lights went out, and everyone’s out of town

can’t they see that I’m always lost inside?

Do they not realize how I feel?, am I just so insignificant in life that no one really cares?

I’m always out of air, out of time

And I keep walking tonight, yet my heart yearns to be anywhere but here, at this time.

I wish I could just change my life, I wish I mattered more

I wish I was such a fucking moron, and that I could feel whole

is it my clothes?, is it my looks?, should I behave differently?

I’m always calm and quiet, yet that could not be farther from the truth

I’m never calm, I’m always caught up in my truth

I’m in the hurricane and I don’t think I’ve seen the use

I’ll always find reasons to why I’ll never be free, and maybe that’s my biggest flaw

But can you really blame me?

I really wish I could pour everything out, onto this

Yet I always wish I were able to just Rest In peace.

I’ve tried so hard to breathe tonight

yet all the leaves are falling on my back,

my eyes have been cursed since the past,

and I can’t chase whatever I like

Eyes on my back, tell me time will last

will you give me a try?, should I prove that I’m real?

Feel the beat of my heart, night falls fast and feelings always sleep at last

numb who I was and take what I was meant to have, I don’t want what’s mine

I guess I’m alive, but I’m still not ready to be made

My hands try hard to roll the dice, to make things last

Yet it’s like I’m never far enough from what i was, or what they wanted to be, who they made me out to be

Always leaving for other people, not because I want to

Is it wrong that I don’t want to be here?, I don’t want to exist

My mind’s on another place, and every day I drift away from who I used to look at,

tell my past, goodnight from me.

I can’t forget

The sun changes, flowers fly

I remember all those nights I stayed up to keep your thoughts in my mind

I swear that I’ve tried, but it still feels like time has not passed by

I’m not one to retry, but my mind always reminisces

I can’t ignore the thought that I’d waste my time, yet,

My heart is still where you are, and my hands need to feel your heart

My lips still remember the feel of your touch

And my hair won’t forget how your breath felt when you were there, besides me

My body felt safe, and I still can’t deny that I felt trapped

yet so unaware of everything that made me cry.

Maybe we’re just not supposed to forget, and we must learn

that to live on, we need to walk the same place, and still be able to look other way.

I can’t sleep, it’s a dead night

I’ve been wild, but I don’t plan to stop

I tore down my heart so I could talk,

but it never made any sense anyone, I let people down

My breath has become weak, yet now I think I’m closer to being free

am I really just weak?,

maybe I should stay up so I can weep, and I’ll figure out what’s wrong with me

I think I’ve found the courage within all that I can see, yet I don’t think anything feels real when it’s so close to my feet

Can you see me?, am I just a catalyst from the deep seas?

I was born quiet, deep

yet I can’t even follow my own spirit

I’m being repetitive, I can’t buy whatever’s underneath this

Should I burn the image I’ve created of me?

Was it ever true that I made a compromise?

I’m trapped in this bed, I can’t get ahead of my own head

My thoughts will put me rest, and I’ll be buried, just like the rest of them

my heart saw things that I should regret, but my scars say that it’s never okay

My legs will stop and I’ll freeze in air, with all my hair in a beautiful length

My lungs have been hurt with needles and now I don’t think I’ll ever breath again, for my own body wants me to forget

But what should I forget?, I’m so filled with rage

My soul needs an escape and I can’t seem to find that anywhere

should I just run away?, maybe I was never meant to stay

Break all the mess I am, I assure you you’ll see I’m made of glass

But is this glass burned by the lack of sun?

will sun ever come out?

I don’t say what I mean or what I’m told to say because I’m so far away from what I wish I were, please let me create the pain that I’ve been missing since you left.

The world keeps spinning, but I’m still standing

I didn’t plan for my life to go this far, and now I just sit to watch cars pass by

People are asleep, but I’d rather go for a walk

Could I get lost in the night?, have I really made it this far?

Maybe I’ve kept it all inside, and it’ll come out anytime now

I don’t think I do things right, but my heart longs for the sky

There’s a voice inside, that tells me to stop my rise,

And what if it’s right?

Confusion is all over me now, and now the night’s settled down into the minds of those who watch

I’m stuck in the past, time was never real, not for my heart

I guess I should try and find everything I left behind, but would it make them change their mind?

Now my scars are too fond of my skin and I don’t think I’ll ever go back in, I am too far to reach

Find my clothes underneath, my lies have always been free

I wish I’d pay attention to… me.

Tell me where you are, I know it’s all a trap

Lock the clock and make the time cry,

Breathing is a waste for the night.

I gave up to the light so I could feel that I’m alive

But my heart was never at sight

Kill what’s inside and leave the one who dies,

Eat my insides, I never meant to tell you what’s mine

Fade away in the dark

Never expect for your luck to be back,

my love is far behind, and I found him in the sun

Chew my lungs and eat my heart

I’m always behind.

Get To Know Me[2/9 books]:

Looking for Alaska, John Green

Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.

how will i ever get out of this labyrinth?