#alaska young

I’m too much in my own head, I should be building my own way

Maybe I should walk away, but I haven’t tried yet

Butterflies hadn’t flown around my heart, and I think you’ve awakened something inside my mind

Maybe I should stop, I must go back before it’s dark and the stars can run

You probably thought I’m just weird, I look at people too much, can you read my mind?

show me what’s inside of you, every part, and I promise I’ll share my path

would it last?, should we move fast?

I can’t run, I’ve never longed

hold my heart into your hands and let me stop

kiss my hair and smell the air, you’ll see the tricks I’ve made up to make you lose my way

come close and I’ll let you burn, my house won’t be empty for long enough.

I’m always the one who’s left,

The one who makes the mistake

or maybe they just cut me out of the race, because I don’t seem to care

sometimes I think it’s my face, or the way I never stay too long in one place

I’m not brave enough to tell them, I’d rather keep it to myself,

am I always the misfit, or the girl who nobody thinks about when they go anywhere?

I guess I’m just pathetic, and I don’t deserve it, but that doesn’t stop me from hating them

but I can’t push them to like me, anyway.

I hate myself

I hate the way I look, maybe my bones are not mean to walk on this earth

Point the light at me, but I’m still drowning on this dirty air

I hate my voice, because I can’t never put out my words

I hate my face, I wish I could replace myself, I need to erase this embrace that’s been made off who I’m supposed to be

I hate my legs, they’ve carried me to all the places that broke me, and they put me in so much pain

I hate the way my height can’t conceal, maybe if I was taller I’d find my place

Overall, maybe I just hate myself, because I’m not who I wish I were, and I hate who they want me to be and I don’t know what’s best for me

Just hang me up on the wall, so you can examine and find whatever you want to see, and keep ignoring how I feel

I feel they’ve failed me, but maybe I’m the one who was never here

can you hear me?, do you know how to please the monster inside me?

Get rid of me, bury me, I’ve always been nowhere and anywhere.

Maybe I don’t exist

Tired of being mistreated, I’m not even a people pleaser

I know they’d wish they could erase me, because no one really likes me

I’ve been cut out of the pic, picked the wrong team, chose my own destiny and maybe I just break everything

Every little soul walking down the road that followed me home, with a little heart to call their own

Broke my bones and my throat closed, words didn’t come out anymore

Hold my hand and tell me you believe me, convince yourself that I’m here

I feel like a pale ghost, I’m not my own

Looking for my destiny, going back home

Feel like I should stop trying and just give up, follow the ghosts

Maybe it’s all on my head and I certainly do not exist, because no one thinks of me, why am I here?

Let me be, but I don’t know who I should be, I’m not what I want to be because I’m not who I’m supposed to be.

Is it too weird that I don’t attach to people?

maybe everything’s unreal, I wish I could tell you what’s the deal

I could runaway, forget everything, and I don’t think I’d feel pain

People say that’s air, but I’ve always been a mixture of fire and water, a walking contradiction

I got numb, I forgot stuff

I broke my own heart so no one could break mine

Maybe I’m selfish and I don’t think about people, but they never think of me either

I’ve never felt like I belonged, but when I was in the middle of the rainy night in the woods

I was never meant to be here, and I can’t wait for the day I can go back from where it all begins.

It’s never good enough, never okay

I’m so pale, but they still seem to not see

I’m not there, I’m not here, I wish I wasn’t anywhere

I can’t help but ruin things

The more I love, the more I hate

I can’t just say what’s in my head

“They’d be better if I wasn’t here”

I wish I didn’t exist, but I still breathe

I wish I could sleep, but nothing is what it seems

I wish I could try, but maybe I should just leave,

Would anyone follow me?

If I showed you what’s underneath, would you still trust me?

if I told you what I’ve seen, would you love me?

You’ve been at peace, and can’t conceal what I hear

But I am war, I am blood, mystery, wind and all the water is stuck

Maybe my blood is not pure, don’t come close

I know I don’t have what you think I have, I’m not what you’re looking for

I’m just an archetype, you don’t know my soul.

It’s the end of the road, there’s no turning back to home

It’s been a long way I’ve walked alone

and i wouldn’t change what I’ve seen, because I’ve got stuff to call my own

I’ve always liked the old, but that doesn’t mean it’s gold

Now I’ve moved on, and I’m getting to know feelings I had always longed for

But I’m still scared that I’ve taken the wrong road

and that I’m not where I’m supposed to be, because I’m used to never be

I’m happy you made me go,

because I could’ve never found what I love in that chest I used to think smelled like home.

Never lying, never quiet

Always traveling, my heart is still out of reach

Can’t see what’s inside of me,

maybe we were meant to be.

Fill the empty feelings,

get to what I’ve hid underneath,

try to steal my peace

I’ve taken everything away from me

Break my guts and hopes and go to sleep

Don’t be afraid,

follow me,

I’ll take you to a land you’ve never seen.

Will ever things stop going wrong?

I’ve been tied up for too long

And I don’t try hard enough, I don’t wanna leave what I’ve always known

I don’t know what should I call home, at the night in the woods is where I belong, because it reassembles all of my thoughts.

I don’t want to fix what might be wrong, it’s worked that way for too long

I’ve been holding my breath in, it’s only cigarette smoke all on my own,

My words infested my lungs and there’s not a voice anymore

Should I wish I that I looked cool?, maybe that way we would’ve been in tune, I would’ve been the one for you

but I never did, will never do.

I’m just a broken doll

So broken, so messed up

Wish I could change things up, turn back the clock

make my wounds bloom out, my legs are not made for this feelings trial

My arms are not strong enough the carry the hold I’ve got on my lungs, and I can’t fix all of the holes in my pretty little heart

I’ve lost my shoes and my feet are bloody, my dress is torn up, I’m so dirty

I can’t help but be moody, am I too phony?

I can’t help but think it’ll all my fault, wish I could just get my messy make up off

my hair is tied up, for I’ve thrown up all my words

And I’ve sealed with lipstick all over my lips and tongue, so I can’t make the same mistakes again

My stomach can’t hold the pain or the loss of what I knew to be true,

kill the girl I used to be with you

I wish I could tell you it was a lie, but really I took a chance, I stood up alone in the night and I had to fight

Why did it just take me so long to realize?

No one can love that fast, I know it was all lies

Roll the dice, it’s just satin and lace, nothing you can rely on

They think I’m just a marbled girl, a pretty body and a pretty face

Someone they can fuck and then just forget about later, even though I’m not an easy kinda girl

Never told them I would, yet they’d try to convince me they had feelings for me too,

Which was never true

Can’t they all see I have a soul?, I can’t take a hold and I’ve lost hope

Will the day come when someone loves my soul and doesn’t just want to have sex with me?

I’m sorry to be so explicit, but why does it matter, when it’s so raging?

All I can think of.

Sunsets reminded me of you, your eyes

But this evening, it’s making me think of something new

Maybe it’s our worlds collapsing, because I’ve finally gotten my priorities straight

Is it too late?

I hope I won’t feel regret about the decision I’ve made,

but I guess I have to want what I get

I’ve spent the last months, six, trying to forget

Maybe the answer was there, in my chest

Or in front of my head

I can’t make my feelings go away, and I can’t change what I said

but i know that i don’t love you, not like I thought I did

I’m just lost inside of the concepts and contexts and all the little things inside of my world,

It’s still early, I’m still here

I’m not gone just yet, and there’s so much feelings I can create,

And I just hope

That this sunset means that I’ll start again.

Nobody remembers me, why am I still here?

nobody cares about me, so why should I be?

Maybe I don’t fit in because I’m not supposed to be here

The world’s turning but I’m still here standing

They all take me for granted

Nothing of what they say could make my doubts go away, for their actions never seem to make sense

They all look so happy with their friends, and maybe I should pretend

I can’t move on, maybe these feelings have no end

I’m always the girl they cut out of the pic, like I can’t understand what they say

I just feel so different, and maybe I should go away

I don’t want to belong, but I want to feel loved

i want the doubts to go away and feel like I can be myself

but that day never came;

will I find the exit of this street with no end?, will I find some friends?

the problem is that i don’t even try because I don’t know what I really want.

Today’s your birthday, and I can’t just get over it

I wish I could see your face, but I guess it’s better this way

I hope you’re okay.

Why can’t I just learn to live with my past?

This way the present won’t last

There must be something wrong with my heart,

I wish the hurt would stop

I hope someday you will ache like I ache, like Hole says

But I think I love you, and I’m so sick for that.

I long for the future

There’s so many things that I hope will work out for the best

And I wish my heart will be safe,

I can’t wait for the day

when I won’t turn my head when someone’s eyes look like yours

when every quote I read makes my hand carve a new piece,

a new letter,

to bleed again about the same things

When I woke up and opened my curtains, there was the rising sun

But now there’s you

I can’t forget your location, and your smell

Your birthday or you cat’s name

And I wonder if you ever wish I were there.

You can’t feel the same because you don’t know me like I know you

You don’t know where I rest, where I breathe

You don’t recall what I used to be like

I changed my perfume, and I cut my hair,

and how I wish I could get some feelings out, they’ve always been there

My life has kind of stopped, just like a bad joke

and i don’t think it can go back to what it used to be.

Maybe the past is better left alone, you don’t pour salt on what hurts

I should stop reminiscing about what was, what is and idealizing what will be

but what is the fun of being in the present? Things can get so boring, so predictable

I’ve always been afraid to be known.

Maybe someday I’ll learn how to move on, and how to get over old feelings, and maybe I can let my past to rest

I love changes, yet I’m afraid I won’t recognize myself.

I can’t forgive, I can’t forget

Maybe I’m just so bad that I can’t comprehend anything else than what I say

I’m going to hell, but I’ve always been there

I can’t say what I’ve been trying to make, I can’t just put my nails all over this place

I can’t break, because I said that I love

do I love? I just doubt myself

I can’t find a feeling that’ll put me into place, that will make me look alive again

Maybe I’m just dead, and it is what I’m supposed to be

can you blame me? Yes, you can

I guess I deserve the bad that I get

But do I deserve to always love, and drown in whatever I think?

I can’t quite understand what I am, and I don’t think I fit in

I can’t find the beginning nor the end, because It’s all too well

The world keeps turning, and I’ll always stay still

like I always did

I’m just far away.

People lie, words can fly

Your tongue was full of ties and all I hear now from you is a reason to get away

I was never the type to trust feelings, I’m afraid of empathy, all it did was destroy me

am I just a toy?, am I just utterly broken?

Will the day come where I’ll open up and I’ll get something that won’t hurt me?

Maybe I’ve broken hearts, and they made my soul cry

I can’t just blame, because I’ve lied too

Will they carry me where I belong?, will I find the music that I’ve longed for?

Maybe you’ll never love me, and that’s why I’d stay

I wish anything of what I’ve said would make the tiniest change

But maybe my poems are not good enough, my lips should remain sealed and I should just stay alone

but I can’t just pretend, there’s no pleasure in hurting myself anymore

I want to be free, and I wish I’d escaped when I had the chance

What a tragedy love is, I never meant for my feelings to go this deep

I wouldn’t date anyone, I’m done

I swear there’s not a road that’ll keep track of me, that’ll guide me where I belong

I was never meant to be here, and now I don’t think love exists, not for people like me at least

Let me cry, I’ll stop begging, I won’t complain and I won’t scream

Pushing people away always helped me, and they might beg, but I won’t shed a tear

Now let me create my own feelings, where I’ll be just safe

I won’t love, maybe I never could

I’ll forget whoever I loved, there was never a sound

and I just love people who’ll never love me, and I’m so sick for that.

Don’t ever search for me

For you won’t find what I’ve hid underneath

You think it’s all scripted, but I never meant for things to end like this

I used to think it was all a dream, but I’m never asleep

i think that I feel what I mean, but I can’t see what I need

i let you see me, and I gave you a kiss

I know I’m nothing to you, maybe you think you’re nothing to me

There’s so many feelings that are taking me to other place

And all I want is a escape

Would you give me your hand?

I can’t promise, and I can’t stay still

I can’t shake what’s been made before I was here

I can break the rules

Yet I can’t stop myself, I can’t heal

I wish my mind was sweet

Let me dream, let me live

Let me love and to express what I feel

Just let me be in peace.