#allies read this

It’s good practice to ask people for their pronouns (everyone, not just androgynous or gnc people) but if you can’t then defaulting to singular they/them is totally fine.

They/them is a gender neutral pronoun, meaning it can apply to all genders. We all use it in everyday situations, even for men and women (ex. “My friend Sam is coming over” “oh have I met them?”). It isn’t a pronoun just for nonbinary people, that’s the whole point. The whole idea is that it had no ties to any one gender (gender=/= pronouns but that’s a different post).

Of course, if someone tells you their pronouns then it would be misgendering to continue to use they/them. In fact, often this is done to binary trans people to disrespect their gender in a seemingly “woke” way.

But before you know for sure it is often preferred over just guessing because you can often be wrong, use a pronoun that may have a societal tie to a specific gender, and cause dysphoria.