#alyssa drake

Jack: Hey. Ask me why I love Alyssa.

Some unfortunate Neophyte: Uhhh… Okay? Why do you love Alyssa?

Jack, pulling out a 200 slide PowerPoint presentation and a 23-page poem: I’m so glad you asked—

Alyssa: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

Jack: And?

Alyssa:

Jack:

Alyssa: And you are.

Jack: it’s at times like these when i wish i listened to Vera

Alyssa: what did she tell you

Jack: i don’t know, i didn’t listen

Alyssa: *facepalm*

Gabrielle, wanting to be done with this game as soon as possible: Guys, I’m an Imposter vote me out.

Jack: Funny joke, but that wont help us figure out who the imposter is.

Gabrielle: I’m serious. I am voting myself out.

Lilith: Hamish is acting sus.

Alyssa: Its Hamish

(and this continued until everyone voted out everyone else and Gabrielle won without killing anyone.)

Lilith, Hamish, Randall, and Jack: *have another bad and dangerous idea*

Alyssa and Vera, waking up in cold sweat: Something is wrong.

[Jack gets shot]

Alyssa: What’s your blood type?

Jack: How would I know?

Alyssa: How would you not?

Jack: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Alyssa, so fucking done with Jack’s bs: You don’t know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them?

Jack, fresh out of surgery and high on anesthesia because he’s a dumbass and almost died: whoaaaa you’re so beautiful… are you a model?

Alyssa, laughing: yeah no

Jack: who are you? what’s your name?

Alyssa: my name is Alyssa. i’m your girlfriend

Jack: w h o a

Randall: Vera’s right. We have to do this. Change is inedible.

Alyssa: Don’t you mean inevitable?

Randall: *spits out a bunch of pennies*

Randall: I did not.

Vera: I will need that you and Jack pretend to be dating on the mission, Alyssa.

Alyssa, blushing: I… yeah, ok.

Jack: *trying to hide a smile*

Vera, knowing she’ll regret asking: What’s that, Jack?

Jack: I’ve read enough fanfics to know exactly how it will end.

Alyssa: I can’t believe we’re stuck in this stupid forest together!

Jack, burning the map: truly unfortunate

Randall: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak?

Jack: Strong.

Alyssa: Weak.

Lilith: An idiot.

Here’s the thing about relationships in The Order (if that fandom is still alive)

They’re bad (most of them anyway)

Queerbating

It doesn’t matter that we got a half-assed 2 minutes long lesbian relationship if it got terminated immediately and sprung out of nowhere and half of that relationship literally got sent to hell; also both members are POC

You can’t make hamish and randall kiss out of nowhere and put that much feeling into it if you’re not going to go through with it even if their chemistry was off the charts (like the kiss me or the we had to had toorhe wishes??)

Overall I think The Order just has a problem with relationships (both straight and queer ones, though I do enjoy Hamish x Vera and/or Hamish x Randall, Randall x Gabrielle and Nicole x Lilith even if it was shortlived)

Exhibit A: Randall and Lilith. Why was that ever a thing? Just… just no

Exhibit B: Jack and Alyssa. They are for some reason the main couple yet they are mostly on and off and it’s not even entertaining. No one was surprised that they are each other’s love interests, but everything about them just gets so repetitive. Halfway through you’re just annoyed they’re not together. And even then you’re not enjoying it. But they are the main heterosexual white couple that got way too much screentime

Most of these problems would be resolved if we had got a season 3, but sadly we’re left with this mess.