#and we can be friends

“WEARELIBERAL DEMOCRATSFROMBROADWAY.”

“Oh look: a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt.”

“And he was wearing dog tags with no shirt like a douche.”

“Hope you brought kneepads, b i t c h!”

“I am a Presbyterian, I’m not gonna die in your dirty-ass Methodist church.” 

“Is that something we should worry about?” “Nah.” “Breaking News: That issomething we should worry about!”

“WHY IS OHIO SO POWERFUL?!”

“I dig hot art, and I dig hot women. And when I see a hot woman who digs hot art I say hot diggity.”

“He was like a - oh what’s the word for like a whore but a man?” “Oh dear there’s no word for that.”

“We’re not in fucking New Jersey.”

*swings in on a rope* “LET THE GREEN GIRL GO.”

*between two guys* “I’m not gay.” “Yeah well I’m not exactly a girl either, nobody’s perfect.”

“You tried the fast life, now embrace the math life!” “That’s a forced rhyme.” “MARWAN GET OFF MY DICK.”

“You have paintings of dicks. Don’t talk to me about taste.”

“I will SMITE these bottoms, and smite em HARD.”

“I CAN SEE THE EIFFEL TOWER IT’S TRUE IT’S REALLY THERE!”