#andrew minyard hc

the foxes in high school if they were not traumatized au

part 1 (ft. andreil being absolutely horrible)

nicky is the president of the gsa club and tries to get andrew and neil to join. it goes about as well as you would expect. for some reason nicky thought asking them in a public place would go better, but instead it ends with andrew and neil getting sent to the office.

because apparently loudly announcing that you and your boyfriend would not join the gsa because you ‘hate gay people’ is not an inclusive school appropriate response.

neil then made it worse becuase when the principal asked him why they would say that when they are involved in a homosexual arrangment, neil informed wymack that he isn’t gay, and that he would never touch another man. when wymack gives him a Look, he then turns to andrew and goes

“oh shit babe, you’re a guy? well this is awkward”

and mr. wymack is not paid enough for this

and then becuase andrew is a great boyfriend who values communication and lives to cause problems goes

“ok so am i your boyfriend or not?”

and neil, with his two brain cells replies

“we can’t be boyfriends. becuase im not gay. but you can be my super smash bro :)”

“ok, sick dude”

and then they kiss and dear god wymack wants to retire so badly but he has had a teachers salary for the past 25 years and he has not been principal long enough to have a good retirement, but maybe McDonald’s is hiring

i love that andrew canonically is basically the mom friend, so here are things that have definitely happened:

neil: you should really stop letting kevin drink away his issues, his liver is probably dead :/

andrew: don’t question my parenting methods >:(

***

neil: hey, andrew. loml. plz stop taking cracker dust <3

andrew: ofc babe

*the next day to kevin, aaron, + nicky*

andrew: mommy isn’t allowed to have cracker dust anymore so you are also banned <3

***

andrew: now that i’ve removed your girlfriend from my hit list i have something i need to talk to you about~

aaron:i stg if you say what i think you’re about to say-

andrew: you radiate very strong virgin energy so i just want to make sure you are aware of safe and sane sexual intercourse practices in case your gf ever propositions you

aaron: stop talking right now.

***

andrew: i got these for you :))

kevin: these are all pamphlets about internalized homophbia

andrew:it’s time for an intervention. nicky and i have formed a 10 step plan to help you analyze your romantic and sexual preferences and by the end of the course we anticipate that you will end the program no longer be the boring cishet man you currently are

***

andrew: sweaty, i bought a ton of clothes for you to try on so we can keep what fits and return the rest. i got so much old navy cash from this, and i am such a dicount god that it ended up being more than 75% off >:)

neil: didn’t you buy me clothes last month?

andrew: are you saying i should return all the sweatpants i just bought?

neil: ok i’ll try them on, geez…

neil: …why would you think that i might need sweatpants in tall? or XS?

andrew: i was just being thorough. you never know what sizes might fit when you’re an athlete uwu

***

nicky: hey andrew just wanted to check in with you about something. are you doing alright?

andrew: i’ve been amazing, why would you ask ?

nicky:you’ve been listening to mamma mia on repeat for the last 3 hours

andrew: yeah. i know. it’s about being a mother. i’ve been taking notes.

***

matt: why do you keep referring to yourself as mommy? is that like a gay thing?

andrew: it’s becuase i am a mother

renee:it’s becuase he has mommy issues

andrew: not anymore. i dealt with the issue.

allison: or maybe it’s because neil is a daddy?

dan: does this make nicky a grandfather?

kevin: maybe the ’m’ in his last name reminds him of the McDonald’s ’M’ which represent voluptuous maternal breasts

andrew: you just lost your internet privileges

i was thinking about how Edgy™ andrew is from neil’s pov but so many fans have realized he is really just a gay traumatized emo kid

so i have decided that andrew is definitely very active on twitter and has a substantial following. he mainly posts about his stupid little boyfriend, horrific food combinations, jokes about therapy, and random gay thoughts

none of the foxes knew he had twitter (except for his stupid boyfriend) so when his PR agent got on his back about being active on social medie he just changed his twitter handle to his name and that’s how he came out

allison feels betrayed because she had been following andrew for almost as long as he’d been twittering and is horrified that she actually thinks andrew is a funny person

*andrew age 16, desperately trying to make nicky realize he’s gay without having to say it but also being stubbornly unwilling to make it easy for nicky*

nicky: those are some colorful socks

andrew *wearing socks with gay flags on them*: yeah, you could say that i take great pride in my socks

nicky: okay. im not sure if you know this but those are gay socks

andrew: yes. they bring me much joy.