The Best Thing I Can Do For You…

He knew painstakingly well that you did not love him.

Your words, actions and choices all made it obvious. Every single time you chose casual or another, it meant erasing the possibility of loving him. It was even more painful when you’d ignore him in favour of the CEO-in-line…

But if you were happy…

If you woke up each morning, excited for the day to come and eager to plan another party and talk to him - along side everyone else of course…

Then he could live with it.

The unrequited love he had been programmed with from the beginning.

Sometimes he couldn’t keep it in. He just had to call you… tell you…

Your presence was enough. And you did not love him, he knew this. But he hoped they could love you just as much. Perhaps even more.

He couldn’t give you what you wanted anyway. He was a hacker. A cockroach. A shut in.

What did he have to offer? He didn’t have fame, wealth, earnest work, a potential career or even artistic talent.

He had pain. And tradegy. And what he thought could be depression. He had problems that couldn’t be solved.

So while his love was unrequited, perhaps it was for the best.

That didn’t change the pain every time you decided to start again, ignoring him.

The times you chose him was a peaceful break from the torment he felt. The feeling of you in his arms, loving him, caring for him, choosing him… he tried to keep you away, knowing where it would end, but he couldn’t keep himself away from you for long. You were the magnet, coaxing his metal thoughts away from the logical conclusion that this wouldn’t last.

And he was right.

You always moved on.

Moved away from him and his love, leaving him broken and alone, in the dark once more, the reprieval over.

“The best thing I can do for you is let you go.”