Sequel to I know, You probably should read this to understand what’s going on.
Pairing: Past!Jung Hoseok x Male Reader
Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort
TW: small unhealthy coping habits
A/N: Each side has slight differences in time period. Requested by @stan-joonies, hope you enjoy! Thank you for requesting!
(Side: Hoseok)
Hoseok laid on his bed in his new apartment, staring blankly at the ceiling. It’s been a couple months since his and (Y/n)’s break up and in those couple of months so much had happened. (Y/n) had the managers change schedules so they wouldn’t see each other and even asked them to prevent any meetings and collaborations with him, he had to move into a shared apartment with Jimin and Taehyung, Mina and (Y/n) “broke up” but they still hang out and while Hyuna wanted to stay together with Hoseok, he couldn’t find the love he once felt for her or the strength to stay with her and ended their relationship after a month of trying.
Just thinking about it made him tear up again and he ended up scrubbing his eyes to try to stop them but it was useless as he ended up sobbing. He only stopped when he heard knocking on his bedroom door.
“Hobi-hyung?” A voice called out before the person opened the door and walked in.
Hoseok looked to see that it was Jimin and Taehyung. They sighed and laid by his sides, trying to comfort him with cuddling.
“Hyungie don’t you want to eat? Jin-hyung came over and he’s preparing some lunch.” Taehyung asked.
Hoseok shook his head and continued to stare at the ceiling.
“Please? You haven’t eaten a proper meal in weeks. And Jinnie-hyung wants to see you!” Jimin tried but was only met with another shake of Hoseok’s head.
Taehyung sighed, “Fine, we tried to do this the easy way. Jungkook! He refused!” He yelled.
Hoseok looked at him in confusion before Taehyung and Jimin leaped up and wrapped him in his blanket as Jungkook came in and lifted him up.
“Hey! What are you- No stop! I don’t want to do anything!” Hoseok tried to get out but the blanket acted as restraints to prevent him from struggling.
Jungkook carried him to the living room where he saw the rest of the members waiting and sat him down on the couch beside Yoongi and Namjoon. Jin came in and put a plate of food in front of him before sitting on a chair with Jungkook. Hoseok freed himself and crossed his arms, pissed at his members for going against his wishes.
“I’m not hung-“ he said but was interrupted by Jin.
“Eat.” Jin said looking at him expectantly.
He shook his head so Jin got up and took a spoon full and lifted it to his mouth with a ‘smile’, “I said. Eat.”
Hoseok shivered at the look he was getting so he opened his mouth to have Jin shove the spoon in. He choked at the forcefulness but swallowed the food.
Jin rolled his eyes and offered the spoon, “Now do you want to feed yourself or do you need me to keep feeding you?” He asked.
Hoseok took the spoon with haste and started eating to please his hyung, Jin smiled and sat back down. It was uncomfortable as his members watched him eat and when he finished, he muttered a thank you and got up but was stopped as Yoongi and Namjoon took his hands and pulled him back down.
“We need to talk.” Namjoon said.
Hoseok shook his head, “There’s nothing-“
“Bullshit. Ever since you and (Y/n) broke up, you’ve been sulking. While it’s okay to do so, you’re not getting better and you need to stop wallowing in guilt and self-pity and try to move on because it’s affecting the whole group.” Yoongi said bluntly.
“Hyung!””Yoongi!” The others hissed at him.
Yoongi just shrugged, stood up and set a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, “No, he needs to wake up. Us babying him and sugar coating everything isn’t going to help him. Hoseok, You need to move on and learn to forgive yourself.” He sighed.
Hoseok took a sharp intake of breath as tears welled up in his eyes. He knew Yoongi was right but it hurt to try to move on and he didn’t know how.
He let out a small sob, “How can I? How can I forgive myself when even (Y/n)-hyung, the most forgiving person I know, can’t forgive me?” He cried.
Jimin and Taehyung moved and hugged him as he cried.
“(Y/n)-hyung may not forgive you. But do you think that you wallowing in self pity and guilt is going to change anything? What’s done is done, hyung. You need to learn to let go of your past with him, learn from your mistakes, not stay stuck in what you could’ve done. Right now, he’s hurting as much as you are but he needs to heal from his hurt before he can ever forgive you and you need time to figure out what you need not what you want.” Namjoon spoke softly.
It was quiet for a moment saved for Hoseok’s sniffles.
“I don’t even know where to begin with.” Hoseok said quietly.
The small response was enough to make the others smile, “We’ll help you. Remember you never walk alone.” Seokjin said with a giggle and earned collective groans and giggles.
Hoseok smiled softly. Who knows? Maybe one day it’ll be better and (Y/n) will find it in his heart to forgive him. But for now, he’ll make sure to become a better person, someone worth forgiving.
(Side: (Y/n))
(Y/n) smiled in his cup of tea as he listened to Mina rattle off about her new choreography that was a little too hard. They had “broken up” a half a year ago but said that they’ll maintain their friendship which they did well. He chuckled as she groaned and laid her head down on his dinner table and sighed.
“Anyway, that’s how my part of life is going. Other than that the girls understand why I’m uncomfortable with Hyuna and don’t force me to interact with her more than I need to, thank god, but she still apologises from time to time. I don’t think I can forgive her though.” Mina said, getting quieter towards the end and putting her head down on the table.
(Y/n) put his cup down and reached over to pat her head, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. As long as you could work with her, you don’t have to forgive her just yet. You need time, we need time.” He spoke softly.
Mina looked up and smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, “How are you doing? Is everything fine with BigHit? The boys? You haven’t spoken about them in so long.” She asked.
She saw how his eyes hardened and looked away, “The company understands my problem with working with Hoseok and does well with keeping us separate. The boys on the other hand, I don’t really talk to them at all. The first couple months, they comforted me and such but at some point they would always want to talk about Hoseok and how he is when I don’t ask and some point I asked them to stop and that I don’t want to talk about him. After that, I just haven’t wanted to hang out with them because they would always look at me with something of pity and I know that they wanted me to just talk to Hoseok. I get that they want to help Hoseok and he’s their friend but it hurts that they forget that I’m their friend too and that they expect me to forgive him just so everything can go back to the way it was.” He ranted quietly but no anger can be heard only sadness.
Mina frowned at his rant. It wasn’t hard to notice how the other changed and it concerned her to a degree. He wasn’t as outgoing or as nice to people as he used to be. (Y/n) had become less trusting and closed himself off from everyone else, bitter at the world. She remembered clearly when one of their other friends asked why he said that he trusted people too much and it hurt when it backfired on him. His fans noticed how his music turned into a darker theme than the lighter tones he used to produce, how his Vlives became quieter and less.
“(Y/n)…” She sat up and looked at him, “Listen I’m not trying to be mean but you can’t keep letting Hoseok’s mistake affect you. You need to let go of your anger at yourself and him, not necessarily forgive him but look how you’re letting it affect you! You pushed away your best friends instead of talking to them. You used to be able to talk to people you had problems with and fix them, not run away from them as soon as you were scared of being hurt.” She looked at him with concern.
(Y/n) sighed, “It’s not easy. I can’t- I can’t forget how no matter how I tried to talk about my concerns with Hoseok and how he still-“ he paused, and tried to clear the limp in his throat that formed, “How it didn’t matter. How in the end talking and trusting got me nowhere but hurt.” He whispered.
Mina went to where he sat and rubbed his back, she knew he still hurt from everything and it’s about time he confronted it. But she also knew that he needed time away from things that reminded him of Hoseok and asked their companies in advance for a vacation.
“Not everyone will do that to you (Y/n). You need to learn to trust others again. I know it’s not easy but it’ll get better, you’re right that it’ll take time so,” she paused to get something from her bag which got him to look at her as she pulled a plane ticket out, “Go take some time to yourself to find some peace. God knows I am.” She smiled.
He took a look at it confused, “But I still need-“
“BigHit gave you the green light saying it’ll do you some good to take a month off since you don’t take any breaks. At all. So travel for a while. That ticket to Hawaii is for tomorrow.” Mina smiled and got up to leave.
(Y/n) got up still stunned, “Wait. I-um. Thank you for-“ Mina interrupted with a giggle.
“No problem, think of it as a way of me paying you back for being my friend. Now go pack.” She shooed him before leaving.
“Oh and (Y/n)?” She called out before closing the door, “Talk to the other boys when you get back at least. Talk about what hurt you when you were with them, make them understand okay? You’ll at least do that for me?” She asked.
(Y/n) paused and nodded. She smiled before closing the door.
(Y/n) smiled and shook his head at her kindness. He went to his room and fell on his bed, looking at the ceiling before holding his ticket up to look at it, some time away will do him good.
He wondered what he would do for a month but didn’t let his mind wander too far, he had some packing to do. After all, he knew Mina was right, he needed some time alone to help him move on if being around here didn’t. Who knows, maybe he’ll find some peace being alone.
A/n: I wrote a lot of things over break but I haven’t posted anything @mikothedreamer Thank you for requesting! So Sorry it’s late. Um I used two random names here, so they’re not based off anyone.
Prompt line:“I don’t want to choose.” “I never had a choice!" "I believed in a lie!” “Do you still love me?”
Two males glare at each other with anger, neither willing to back down, no matter how their throats burned from yelling at each other.
“How could you make such a big decision without me?” (Y/n) yelled.
“I’m sorry okay?! It was brought to the table when I met with the managers and the only solution was for everything to be okay was to date them!” Hoseok explained again.
(Y/n) pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “So let me get this straight: because some other couple got caught dating in public, our managers decided that because we-,” He paused to motion between the two for emphasis, “are in a relationship that could also turn into a scandal that we should cover up and date the ones that got caught?! And when presented to you, my childhood love, who knows that I don’t like it when a decision is made for me without actually discussing it with me, agreed to it and didn’t tell me so I could find out through our companies making a public statement!” The enraged male yelled.
Hoseok winced as he really didn’t have an argument, “They wanted an answer right there and then. They said if I agreed to it then we wouldn’t have to worry about a scandal and that skin ship would be more okay because people would think we’re in a relationship with Mina and Hyuna and not think twice about it! They said if I disagreed, then the other two would have to quit being idols and that we would have to end our relationship to prevent media from ruining both of us! I never had a choice! I’m sorry!” He cried out, tears welling up and threatening to fall.
(Y/n) softened at the explanation. Knowing that Hoseok did it with everyone in mind, he hugged the other and soothed him. But He wanted to know more of the terms of the agreement so he changed his tone to a softer one, “What do we do? Just go on dates they plan, and hold hands with them?” (Y/n) asked softly.
Hoseok nodded, “Only that and look like we like them when we’re together, I made sure it was only that. I’m sorry.” He apologized again and pressed further into the other’s embrace.
“I know, it’s okay Hoseok.” (Y/n) said, forgivingly, causing the other to whine.
(Y/n) pulled away to look at the other with slight confusion, causing the other to throw himself back into an embrace, “You’re still mad, you don’t like calling me Hoseok. Please call me love, Hobi, honey, anything! You still love me, right?” Hoseok begged.
(Y/n) smiled at his boyfriend’s cute behavior and gave him an Eskimo kiss before giving him an actual kiss, “Of course baby, I still love you! This won’t stop me from loving you. I don’t think anything will.” He said and began peppering kisses on Hoseok.
Hoseok whined but gave a heart smile to let the other know that he loved the attention, “Hyung! Stop!” He halfheartedly pushed the other away.
The other hummed as if in thought, “Nope! Have to prove I love you, sunshine.” (Y/n) chuckled.
(Y/n) pulled Hoseok into a passionate kiss, “I’ll make sure to show how much I love you tonight but I have to punish you for being bad don’t I?” He whispered into Hoseok’s ear.
Hoseok whined and nodded, “m sorry.” He said with eyes starting to glaze causing (Y/n) to smirk and lead him to their bedroom.
——————
The weeks following, the two were able to increase the skin ship but also were not able to go out as offer due to them having to take Mina and Hyuna on dates. More than not, Hoseok and Hyuna got more dates as their relationship became more popular with the fans and (Y/n) had to watch as their time together depleted more and more as Hoseok spent more time with Hyuna.
He began to doubt himself and the relationship as he knew that Hyuna was his ideal for a girl. While he was Hoseok’s ideal for a guy, it didn’t stop his doubts as Hoseok began to drift away from him. Funnily enough, (Y/n) went to Mina to talk about his fears, too scared going to any of the other boys would affect their band and ruining their closeness. Mina didn’t mind (Y/n)’s company and vise versa and the two had become good friends over the time they were forced together.
As he explained his fears on one of their “dates” at a quiet cafe, Mina’s expression became more steeled and serious. When he finished, he nervously looked at her for denial that Hyuna was acting different and that he doubted the two unjustly.
Mina looked away, not wanting to look at the other’s reaction, “You noticed too, huh? Hyuna hasn’t even looked at me in a week. She just comes home and goes on her phone before sleeping.” She said quietly.
As much as she didn’t want to fuel (Y/n)’s fears, the coincidence in both behaviors was too much and she couldn’t lie to his face, she knew he deserved more than that.
But Mina’s words made (Y/n)’s heart feel like it was going to burst and he quickly got up to leave with her following to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. They quickly ran to a direction and Mina recognized they were at the BigHit building.
Mina quickly tugged (Y/n) to a stop, “Hey, we shouldn’t interrupt the boys practice-“ She tried to reason with him but immediately stopped as she looked at him closely.
The male was shaking with anxiety and Mina looked to see his eyes becoming unfocused, his hand shakily toying with a necklace and his breathing becoming irregular and knew he was about to have an anxiety attack, something he briefly let her know about when they met but assured her, he hasn’t had one in awhile. Mina quickly brought him inside and went straight to his studio, ignoring anything and anyone who tried to question them even briefly passing by a surprised Hyuna on their way. She hoped (Y/n) didn’t see her but the way his breathing stuttered had told her otherwise.
She had (Y/n) try to unlock the door and after a couple tries he did it but not without tears building up every time he got it wrong. As soon as they got inside and closed the door, Mina went through the process of trying to calm (Y/n) down from putting on calming music to asking him to try and focus on breathing with her to telling her about items around the room. When he finally recovered, she laid him down on his couch to sleep and covered him with the blanket left on the couch for overnight work days.
Mina sighed and left the room to let him rest and confront the female she saw earlier. She quickly went to the dance studio but no one was there so she went to Hoseok studio. She knocked and wasn’t impressed as Hyuna opened it with messy hair and swollen lips and pushed passed her to go to where Hoseok sat working on a song and tapped Hoseok’s shoulder.
Hoseok blinked in surprise at her presence when he turned around but smiled and greeted her awkwardly, “Hey Mina-“
Mina shook her head and interrupted him, “(Y/n)’s in his studio, sleeping, after having an anxiety attack.” She said with an accusing tone, “It would be better if he woke up to his boyfriend,” she emphasized, “I know you’ve been busy with each other, but (Y/n) and I don’t deserve this. (Y/n) especially.” She finished before turning to leave the two shocked people.
She turned her head towards Hyuna, “You’re stuff will be moved back to the dorm. Don’t show up at the apartment yeah? and I hope you help cover your hickey you left on him.” With that she left.
Hoseok immediately drowned in guilt, hand going to cover the hickey. Did he cause the attack? Were you okay? Why did he let Hyuna take their fake relationship become something more? He wanted to think about it and drown more but remembered (Y/n) was alone in his studio and rushed to be at his side, ignoring Hyuna calling out for him.
He quickly went to his boyfriend’s studio and punched in the code. Hoseok found his love curled up on the couch, and kneeled down near him and ran his hand through the other’s hair.
He jumped when the other murmured softly, “Don’t touch me.” And sat up, elbows resting on his knees and stared at him with cold eyes.
“Love, I-“ He started.
(Y/n) scoffed, “Do you still love me?” He asked, going straight to the point.
Hoseok flinched at the coldness but quickly recovered and nodded, “Yes of course! I do-“
“Than why did you let her kiss you? Mark you like you’re her actual boyfriend?” (Y/n) tilted his head and pointed to his neck as he asked, monotonous and still drained from earlier.
Hoseok breathing halted and covered the mark with his hand before putting it down knowing it was no use in converting it now. (Y/n) sighed and ran a hand down his face.
“Why are you here in my studio, Hoseok?” He asked quietly.
Hoseok didn’t know what he hated more, the lack of the nickname or the fact that (Y/n) wasn’t yelling at him for cheating.
He quickly went to explain fruitlessly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go this far. We just- When we went on that dancing date, the slow dance and one thing led to another and we kissed. It just that-“
“That date was three weeks ago. You’ve been doing this for three weeks.” (Y/n) said, voice cracking in heartbreak, “Did you come here to break my heart? Because you did it! Why are you still here?” He asked as tears built up in both of their eyes.
Hoseok shook his head, “No, I wanted to tell you I love you. Please, I’ll break up with her. I’ll tell our managers that we don’t want to do this anymore- please don’t break up with me.” He begged, trying to reach for (Y/n).
But (Y/n) looked at him with disappointment and shied away from the touch. He shook his head and scoffed, “Love me? Three weeks, Hoseok. I believed in a lie that you loved me but you didn’t love me for three weeks, y-you loved her.” He said with his voice cracking so he paused to take a breath and continued, “Honestly, I don’t think “we” work out anymore because you made the choice to keep going for three weeks, and I’m starting to think that maybe subconsciously, when you made the choice for us to start fake dating Hyuna and Mina, maybe you chose to stop dating me.” He said with a teary smile.
Hoseok shook his head frantically and took (Y/n)’s hands into his own, “No, I swear I only want you. Please don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you. Please, I’ll do anything just stay with me. Choose to stay with me.” He begs and ‘I regret not choosing you.’ Goes unsaid.
(Y/n) slowly retracts his hands from Hoseok’s hold and reaches for the door and opened it, “But I don’t want to choose. How can I choose you? You made the decision for me already…and I think it’s best for both of us if you were to leave. I hope your stuff is gone from the apartment by the end of the week, I’ll call the managers to arrange some help for you and to let them know the situation.” He said with heartbreak, quickly ending any hopes and arguments Hoseok would have had.
Hoseok cried but he knew it was over and it was his fault. He stood up and went to the door but gripped the door frame said quietly, “I’m sorry.” One last time, hoping it would do anything.
(Y/n) looked away from him, afraid he’ll go weak when he sees the other’s pleading eyes, “I know.” He said, not giving the forgiveness Hoseok wanted, what he needed.
(Y/n) closed the door, and heard sobs immediately from the other side. Tears of his own cascaded down his face but there was nothing more to be said, the chapter to their story as a couple ended and all they could do is move on.
Summary: In the land of Aster, a powerful queendom, all female daughters of the queen are blessed by the Goddess and are immune to poison. Your mother, the Queen, is ready to step down and offer her place to you but according to tradition, the heir of Aster has to be married to ascend to the throne. You despise the fact that you have to be married to rule. As an act of rebellion, you announce that you will marry the prince of the one kingdom your mother had warned you not to.
“It’s ridiculous,” you said, walking underneath an archway covered in vines. “She decided all on her own like it isn’t my life she’s talking about. And now everyone knows and they are expecting me to be engaged by summertime.”
Abigail tightened her cloak around her petite form. It was a chilly morning and while you were mostly indifferent to the cold bite of late winter, your cousin was much more affected. “She thinks that what she’s doing is for the best. There has been talk about it. You know they have been wondering why you have never accepted any courting offers.”
“Because I don’t want any courting offers.” A strong gust of wind blew your hair back. You had let it cascade freely around your shoulders devoid of any intricate braids and jewelled pins. “Why do I have to get married? This must be the most pointless tradition to have ever existed. I don’t need to get married to have heirs and I certainly don’t need a man to rule.”
Abigail had to rush her steps to keep up with you. It had been her idea to go on a walk in the gardens but it seemed like she might be regretting it soon. “You don’t but it is what it is. It is what everyone expects. But it doesn’t have to be a big deal. You said it yourself that being married doesn’t matter in the way you rule the land. Don’t give the marriage any more significance than you have to.”
“That’s easier said than done,” you said. “He will be sitting on the throne next to mine and everyone will expect to see us together at the balls and ceremonies. I can’t ignore the fact that he will be my husband.”
He would be always there, nobles would ask after him, the servants would gossip about how much or how little time you spent together, people would wonder how soon you would get pregnant with the next heir. Your mother had complicated pregnancies and, despite her many attempts, you had no siblings. You were the only daughter of the reigning queen, the only one who had The Gift.
The Gift manifested only in the daughters of the Queen. There hadn’t ever been a Queen sitting on Aster’s throne who wasn’t blessed with it. Legend said that the long line of Queens was descended from Amaranthe, one of the three daughters of the Sky. She fell in love with a mortal and had a daughter with him but when her daughter grew older and she married a noble from one of the first kingdoms, he poisoned her after she gave birth to a little girl. The Sky cried for three days and three nights at the sorrow and despair of his daughter. Amaranthe whisked her granddaughter away and whispered to her the Gift she was giving her, witnessed by her sisters and her father. No poison would make her sick, no poison would taint her beauty, no poison would ever dim the life in hers or her daughters’ eyes.
And so it came true. The goddess granted her granddaughter a second gift, taking her to a land that was prosperous and its people were kind. The people loved her so much for she was kind and clever that they made her their queen. Her daughters, just like her, were immune to poison and the Gift lived in the next Queen’s daughters as well. It was passed down from generation to generation, down the centuries. Traditions developed around the immunity like breeding venomous snakes and each of the Queen’s daughters choosing one to accompany them in life.
Lilith was curled around your shoulders, her head resting on your collarbone. When you had turned eight and it was your time to choose your companion, your mother had taken you to the Royal Snake Den. A large building in the southern part of the castle, covered by a glass dome. It was fashioned like their natural environment: part forest, part desert, and part grassland. The snakes coexisted peacefully, in harmony with each other and their caretakers. They were tamed and provided with everything they would need. As far as you were aware, there hadn’t been any accidents of the royal snakes attacking anyone.
You had been visiting the Royal Snake Den since you were a toddler and it was your favourite place on the castle grounds. No one other than the royal family and the caretakers visited it and you could sit in silence and spend some time on your own. Most of the snakes didn’t pay any attention to you but some of them would wrap themselves around your arms and they were content to remain there until you left.
Choosing a snake was one of the most important parts of the life of the Queen’s daughters. Your chosen snake would accompany you until the end of your days, stay by your side and if your bond was strong, it would try to protect you if you ever were threatened. The royal snakes had a longer lifespan than the snakes living in the wild and the Queens’ companions would die shortly after their Queen did. Your lives were intertwined.
You had chosen Lilith before you turned eight. She would slither to you every time you went to the Den and drape herself over your arms, legs, or shoulders. You were in awe of how beautiful and elegant she was, her shiny scales were so dark they looked black and they shined purple when the light hit them right. You had no doubt she was the one you wanted to spend your life with. You had never regretted that decision.
“Mother has started asking me about courtships as well,” Abigail said.
“Have you not told her about your letter correspondence beloved?” you asked, knowing she hadn’t.
She rolled her eyes at your question. “She knows I’m exchanging letters with someone but she thinks they’re just a friend. If she learns of it, she will insist he rides here this instant and we start a proper courtship.”
“Is that not what you want? Didn’t you use to look forward to the day someone would start courting you?”
Her cloak billowed around her as the wind blew with more force. You would have to go inside soon if it kept getting stronger. “I did and I still do but it isn’t time yet. Neither of us is ready for that and he has responsibilities in his country before he can come here to court me.”
Abigail had been sending letters to her mysterious lover for more than a year. She had met him in one of the countries she had visited with her parents on behalf of the crown. Her mother, as the Queen’s sister, attended the matters in other countries that the Queen herself couldn’t. As a result, Abigail had been travelling her whole life to distant lands and had even crossed the sea once while you had only crossed the borders two times in all of your 26 years.
Your duty was here in Aster but it would have been beneficial to your reign if you had travelled more before taking the throne. There were things that lessons couldn’t teach you about the other nations.
“What are you going to do about courting then? Are you going to accept any proposals?”
“I don’t want to,” she said, her sharp chin raised in determination. “A courtship is a promise to open your heart to someone but my heart is already taken. It will feel like I’m betraying him if I am to accept."
You passed by a marble statue of a woman, snakes draped over her shoulders and arms and wrapped around her torso. There was a challenge in her face so intense like she was ready to fight the world and win. The statue didn’t depict a specific queen, it represented all of them.
"A courtship is just a courtship,” you said thinking of your own impending doom. “You’ll get some gifts, go on a few walks, drink tea together and that’s it. It will please your mother for now and later you can call off the courtship because you think you are incompatible and your mysterious man can come in and sweep you off your feet.”
Abigail made a face that warped the perfect features that had many suitors running after her. “You might not think much of it because you don’t care but courtship is the beginning of a bond. I can’t do it with anyone else other than the one I love. It wouldn’t feel right. My time and my hand belong only to him."
You clicked your tongue fondly at your cousin. Abigail had only shared about her beloved with you and not much. He wasn’t what her mother had been planning for her. According to her, he was a noble but not of the highest status. Hearing her talk about him for months and hiding the letters from her mother, you had realised that your cousin had fallen in love.
After your walk with Abigail, you returned to your room and flopped down on the bed in a very unfitting way for a future queen. Venting your frustrations to your cousin hadn’t lessened them as you had hoped. You were still stewing like the beef in wine the cooks made.
There wasn’t much time left until your birthday. Until you had to choose a prince to play pretend with. There was no way to get out of this. No pleas or complaints would work on your mother. When she decided on something, it was final. There would be no changing her mind.
Although you despised the idea of getting married, of having to drag behind you a prince you could hardly tolerate, you wanted the throne. Your entire life, you had been preparing for the day you would rule. You had taken lessons on history, geography, strategy, politics, maths, and science, you had been taught by the greatest teachers of the continent, you had studied and worked hard so you could one day become the queen your people deserved.
A prince had nothing to do with that. A prince would offer you nothing but problems.
The days that followed, you ignored the inevitability of your upcoming birthday like you ignored your mother. You attended meetings, met up with your cousins, and mingled with the nobles. Your mother didn’t call you to her chambers again and during meals, you took your place at her side but didn’t speak to her unless she addressed you directly. She was getting tired of your behaviour, you could tell by the tightness of her lips and her narrowed eyes, but she didn’t confront you and you remained locked in a losing battle of wills.
As your birthday crept closer, the talk about the grand ball your mother was organising and about the future prince consort of Aster grew louder. You heard servants whispering about their guesses on who you would choose in the corridors. The guards gossiped about it when they thought no one could hear them. Whoever was your future husband would be for sure a lucky man, they said.
The royal professors didn’t ask you about the upcoming ball and the choice you would have to make. It was evident to anyone who knew you that the idea of getting married was as appealing to you as eating dirt. You were supposed to stop taking lessons when you became of age but you believed there was so much left to learn so you insisted on continuing the lessons you were the most interested in. They weren’t as frequent as when you were a kid, taking the shape of long conversations instead of the professor rambling. More like you had your own advisors. You enjoyed yourself immensely. Knowledge was a powerful weapon in your arsenal and it would be invaluable when you were crowned queen.
The weeks before the ball you were whisked in a hurricane of preparations. Tailoring your dress that the seamstress swore would be beautiful enough to rival the shine of the stars, tasting dishes to decide on the menu, and approving each option for the decoration. Usually, you enjoyed the bustle before a celebration and you liked being involved in the planning. But this wasn’t any other celebration. This only reminded you that you were getting closer to a choice you didn’t want to make.
Invitations were sent out and letters arrived back stating which royals would make the journey to Aster for your birthday. Kings, Queens and their families from the most distant lands would attend the ball. You hadn’t read the invitations but Abigail told you that it was strongly implied that you would be choosing the future prince consort. No kingdom would miss the chance to offer their princes.
A few days before your birthday, you were in the Den sitting underneath a large tree, snakes hanging from its branches like vines. You had gone out in the city, walked in the market, and spoken to your people. You had heard their joys and their complaints. On a piece of parchment, you wrote them down and made notes on solutions and ideas that would improve their daily lives.
The queens of Aster were never distant names to their people. They communicated and worked with them for the advancement of the country. They didn’t dismiss them and their worries and that’s why the people trusted and loved them. That’s the queen you were going to be, you were going to give back to the country that raised you and loved you.
As you were writing, not caring if the ink of your pen stained your dress, a servant stepped into the Den and bowed low.
“Your highness. Her Majesty, the Queen, is requesting your presence in her office.”
You forced yourself not to groan. There was only one thing this meeting could be about.
“Thank you for letting me know. I will be there shortly,” you said, dismissing her. She seemed relieved to leave the Royal Den. “Let’s go deal with this, Lilith.”
Her tongue flickered out once before she curled around your arm. You dropped by your room to leave the parchment, pen, and ink and if it pleased you to keep your mother waiting, no one had to know.
The guards in front of her office bowed to you before opening the intricately carved double doors. Your mother’s office was a relic of all the queens that had come before her. The towering bookshelves against the walls with books spanning centuries into the past. The blue flowers immortalised in glass on a low table. The silver knitting needles with rubies at the ends laying on the bookshelves. A statue of the first Queen. The large stained window depicting a purple flower blooming through a rock. The scratches on the desk.
Your mother was standing by one of the two windows framing the stained glass.
“You asked for me,” you said.
She nodded. “I did.” She glanced outside the window once more before going to her desk. “Are you going to stand there?”
“Aren’t you going to ask me to take a seat?”
She sighed, gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk. “Please take a seat.” You did, crossing your legs. “You’re angry.”
“I’m not angry,” you said curtly.
Your mother raised an eyebrow at the obvious lie. “Angry or not, there are merely a few short days before your birthday, we should discuss your options. You have been informed of all the guests that have accepted our invitation and all the courting offers you have received. Do you have anyone specific in mind?”
“I don’t.” You had avoided thinking about the ball for as long as possible, you didn’t even want to glance at the names of the princes.
Her expression didn’t change, she had expected this. “Then, both as the Queen and as your mother, I have some suggestions.”
You repressed another groan building up in your throat. You weren’t interested in her suggestions. At the moment, you weren’t interested in anything she had to say. If you were going to enter a courtship you didn’t want with someone you didn’t care about because of a stupid tradition she insisted on upholding then you wouldn’t let her control you any more than she already did.
You schooled your face into a slightly bored expression that was guaranteed to irritate her as she listed off the princes from the countries that Aster would benefit from forming alliances.
Esna had the most fertile ground in the continent and produced a wide range of fruits and vegetables that didn’t grow anywhere else. They would be willing to ship supplies across the Great River if you married one of their two unmarried princes. Tivaria had a strong military and mined precious gems they styled into stunning jewellery that would make great wedding gifts and additions to the royal collection. The lands across the sea would offer new opportunities for trade of materials and hard-to-find items.
The young prince of Jeseon was your mother’s most favoured option. Jeseon and Aster had been strong allies in the past and the royal families remained friends. When Gwangsu had attacked Jeseon in the past aiming to take over the land, your grandmother had been quick to send reinforcements despite the fact that the two countries didn’t share a border. Jeseon had emerged victorious and they had never forgotten Aster’s support.
“The youngest prince of Gwangsu will also be attending the ball accompanied by the heir to Gwangsu’s throne.” Your mother’s lips were set in a thin line showing the disdain. Gwangsu was considered a backward and brutal land of sand and rocks. The king, some whispered, was more of a tyrant than a leader. “I trust you not to make any decisions that will reflect badly on Aster’s crown. And speaking as a mother to her daughter, not as the Queen to her heir, if the prince is anything like his father, I don’t want you anywhere near him.”
You scoffed, this one you couldn’t suppress. “I can take care of myself.”
Your mother looked at you like she very much doubted that and the rage you had been harbouring for months knocked against your ribs. You were a few steps away from becoming Queen and your mother didn’t trust you around a prince. Ridiculous.
You rushed to excuse yourself before this could evolve into another argument. You had had enough of those.
The day of your birthday arrived wrapped in silks and with the sound of silver bells. Aster was celebrating. Your lady-in-waiting woke you up cheerfully, singing about the joyous day. She was out of tune at best but it made you laugh while she helped you into your morning dress. It was the colour of the blush she applied on your cheeks with a low neckline and lace sleeves. She brushed and braided your hair before situating on your head the golden tiara that marked you as the heir of Aster.
The dining room was alive as everyone wished you a happy birthday. Both of your mother’s siblings were here along with all of your cousins. The breakfast was a family affair. Abigail sat next to you, doing her best to take your mind off. It was a fruitless endeavour when everyone else was talking about the ball.
You had come to terms with it in a way. You had thought about it and although you hated the idea as much as you did that day on your mother’s balcony, you had realised that you couldn’t get out of this. If your mother wanted you to get married to a prince before letting you take the throne, you would do it. But you would do it on your terms.
The foreign royal families had arrived throughout the past few days. The previous evening, you had taken your tea in the western pavilion with some of your guests as was proper. Your mother had suggested a walk with the second-youngest prince of Esna and, gritting your teeth so hard they could break, you accepted. You played the role. You would become Queen soon, you could play a role. The prince was polite if a little arrogant under the surface. He talked about hunting and whatever else princes enjoyed and you hid a yawn behind your hand.
You couldn’t listen to that for the rest of your life. You would much rather choke on your tea.
Before the ball, before your ladies came to your room to dress you and do your hair and makeup, you slipped away to the Temple. It was built on the steep side of the hill the castle was on and you had to climb down tens of wide stairs built into the rock to get there. Upon recognizing you, the priestesses were quick to whisk you away to the prayer room.
The sound of falling water calmed you more than any words could. The waterfall in the centre of the room was illuminated by a blue light coming from inside the rock. No one had found the source, the light was just there. The water cascaded around three statues like a veil. The three Goddesses gazed at you composed and regal. Amaranthe, the one who blessed you with your gift, stood in the middle with her hands extended in front of her like she was holding an invisible flame.
You knelt by the edge of the pool and bowed your head to them. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears and your hands gripped the beautiful fabric of your dress so hard your long nails could have ripped it apart.
You whispered a prayer to them, asking for wisdom and strength, and got up. You had dreaded this night for a long time. It was about time you took your fate into your hands. Your mother had made enough decisions for you.
The seamstress had outdone herself with your dress. The deep purple velvet was embroidered with golden thread and precious gems lined the plunging off-shoulder neckline. The dress was cinched at your waist by a golden belt carved into Aster flowers, the symbol of your country, with gems placed at the centre of each flower.
Asters grew all over the country, the greatest number of them blooming around Enya, the capital. They cracked rocks to grow and clusters of them could often be found emerging from large boulders. They symbolised strength and resilience and your nation had been named after them in hopes of fostering those values.
Your hair was pinned at the back of your head with jewelled pins, your morning makeup washed away and replaced with deeper colours for the night. Powder, dark lips, a touch of blush high on your cheeks, and black lining your eyes. Lilith slithered up your arm and settled at her place around your shoulders. When you looked up at the mirror you could see the queen you would be one day, not the girl who was ruled by her mother’s will and nonsensical traditions.
You were deliberately late enough for a grand entrance. The lively music coming from the ballroom trailed off and you heard your title and name being called. Chin high and back straight, you descended the grand staircase. All eyes were on you and you were delighted at the attention. This was your night.
The ballroom was decorated in gold and purple like your gown. Long tables lined the walls covered with white tablecloths and decorative long strips of purple in the middle. The light from the chandeliers bounced off the gold on the walls. The ceiling was painted like the night sky in black and deep blue, littered with stars and a waning moon. If one were to quickly glance at it, they would think there was no roof but only the expanse of sky above.
A path to the table at the other end of the room was cleared for you. Your mother raised from her place in the centre of the table underneath the sculpture on the wall of two snakes intertwined and an Aster flower blooming between them. You greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as was suitable and took your place on her right.
"Let the music begin again,” your mother called. “Let us rejoice and celebrate the princess’ life!"
The guests cheered and the musicians resumed the joyous melody. You surveyed the room. More royals had arrived since yesterday and nobles from your court were ogling at them. High-born ladies and lords alike eyed the foreign princesses and princes. They were more excited for the night than you were.
Your mother placed the best cut of meat on your plate and gave you a smile that could have been reassuring but to you, it only looked condescending. You ate in silence while she talked to her advisors and her brother and sister that were sitting at the table with you. They knew you well enough to sense you weren’t in the mood for talking so they didn’t bother you. You used dinnertime to observe your guests.
You had met most of the Kings and Queens in the past as well as a few princes and princesses. Some you were indifferent towards, some you tolerated and there were a few you genuinely enjoyed the company of. And there were also the ones you’d never seen before but you could tell their titles by the way they held themselves. Your eyes jumped from one person to the next, calculating. Until they stopped at a faraway table.
A boy was sitting there, his eyes on his plate as he cut the meat with measured movements. His black curls were brushing his shoulders free from any binds. They looked silky and smooth like the furs you liked to run your fingers through in winter. Unlike the other people at the table, he seemed almost meek and he didn’t open his mouth to speak. By his beautiful features and the absence of a king close to him, you guessed he was the prince from Gwangsu. The king hadn’t graced you with his presence sending three of his sons, including his heir, in his stead.
Abigail must have followed your gaze and she was watching them too.
"What are you looking at so intensely?” your mother asked.
You snapped your gaze away from the prince as if you had been caught doing something forbidden. “Nothing. I was thinking."
Your mother hummed, bringing the gold goblet filled with red wine to her lips. "I trust that you have a few favoured options in mind. If you haven’t chosen already.”
You took a bite of your food, not gracing her with an answer. You had nothing to tell her.
Dinner was soon over and the dancing and mingling began. Lilith didn’t enjoy dancing—too much turning and moving for her—so you left her at the table. Also, having a poison snake around you didn’t attract many dancing partners, which usually you would use to your advantage. And how did they expect someone to become your prince consort if they were afraid of your life companion?
You found Abigail and had a short conversation with her before she was swept away by a noble for a dance. You hadn’t been asked to dance yet, the princes were probably intimidated and were waiting for someone else to go first.
“Your Highness, may I have this dance?"
You turned around and came face to face with the king of Jeseon. His blond hair was swept off his forehead and his dark eyes twinkled with mirth.
A grin took over your face. "But of course, Your Majesty, how could I refuse?"
You passed your drink to a servant and took the King’s extended hand. You bowed to each other and he placed a hand on your waist as a new song started.
"They are looking at us,” you whispered as the dance brought you close to his ear.
Others were dancing, but there was a greater space around the two of you than the other couples. The ones dancing would sneak glances at you over their shoulders and the rest of the guests openly watched you.
“They were probably expecting you to give the first dance to one of the numerous princes hoping to court you,” Namjoon said as your palms connected and you moved in a circle. “You have to excuse me but I wanted to take the chance before you are flooded with dance requests."
"I would have found some time for you,” you said.
You had known Namjoon since you were children, the strong ties between your countries meant that your families often visited each other and exchanged letters. Namjoon was only a couple of years older than you and other than Abigail he used to be the only person you felt close to. You shared the future of a throne and through letters, as you got older you would discuss your struggles and reassure each other.
But the throne had called for Namjoon much earlier than any of you could have anticipated. His father got sick before Namjoon came of age and he died only a few months after. He had written to you, you remember reading the letter by the fireplace in your room shivering despite the heat. In his kingdom, succession didn’t work like it did in yours. Only when the king died would the new king be crowned while in Aster it was tradition for the Queen mother to bless her heir and place the crown on her head. Namjoon had thought he had many years before being crowned.
There was a spark of jealousy that he had ascended before you without a need to get married or follow any other stupid traditions but it was smothered quickly. He hadn’t wanted his coronation to happen like that. You knew he would have rather had his father by his side than be king.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” he asked, twirling you around.
Along with your mother’s invitation, you had sent a sealed letter to him.
“You know that my mother has her eye on Jungkook, right?” you asked to avoid answering his question.
Namjoon chuckled. “I can’t think of anything worse."
"Exactly,” you said, gliding around him. You made a face briefly so no one else would catch it. “It would be like marrying my annoying little brother."
You both looked at Jungkook who was laughing boisterously at something Seokjin, Namjoon’s advisor, had said. His large eyes and bunny teeth made him look much younger than he was. He was still a kid in your eyes even though he had grown tall and his muscles bulged through his shirt.
"Why did you send a courting offer in the first place?” you asked. “I hadn’t expected that.”
“My advisors were insisting. They wouldn’t give in until I sent one. You would never accept so I didn’t worry,” Namjoon said. “He has plenty of time until marriage. He’s still too young in many ways. He doesn’t have to rush, he can take his time and find someone his heart truly desires. He doesn’t have our responsibilities.“
"I don’t see you getting married either,” you said.
His smile tightened. “They are waiting for me to get married too. I have been stalling and they are beginning to notice. I need an heir. My council has been presenting me with options of princesses and girls of noble birth. You are not the only one in a difficult position."
"At least you don’t have to choose tonight,” you countered.
He glanced at his brother and his advisor. “It might not be tonight but it will be soon. At least your heart is free."
You would have asked what he meant but the song was finished. You bowed to each other again and the second–youngest prince of Esna got brave and walked over to ask you for a dance. Later, you saw Namjoon dancing with a princess from the northern counties across the sea. He was smiling but you wondered if he was overthinking his predicament and what each dance could mean now.
Namjoon didn’t have an aversion to marriage like you did. On a late summer night in your mother’s private garden during one of his visits, he had confessed to you that the throne was lonely and he wished he could share it with someone. And yet he didn’t sound pleased about his future marriage now. You had sensed that he harboured affections for someone and now you understood that whoever it was, he couldn’t have them. His heart wasn’t free.
Your problems couldn’t be more different.
You were taking a break from dancing, sipping on more red wine. It was like you could feel time moving, hear the grains of sand falling in an hourglass.
“Your highness,” Sanghoon, the crown prince of Gwangsu said, bowing slightly in respect. He addressed you with your full title and full name. It was the common way of greeting between royals of the same status from different countries.
You tilted your head in acknowledgment. You had never met him before but you knew the names of all the members of the royal families. You had also been given descriptions of the guests you were unfamiliar with so you could recognize them at the ball.
“It is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance. My father, the King of Gwangsu, is sending his regards and his regrets at not being able to be in attendance tonight due to matters he had to take care of in our country.”
“No offence has been taken at his absence.”
Your eyes strayed to the boy who you guessed was the youngest prince. Taehyung was his name if your memory served you well. He was smiling, it wasn’t as big as his brother’s but it was far more genuine. You were intrigued by him, his beauty, and how soft he looked. Nothing like his brother.
“This is my youngest brother, Taehyung,” Sanghoon said and Taehyung bowed to you, not just his head like his brother but bending his whole upper body forward.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” His deep voice startled you and you wished to hear more of it.
“Likewise.”
Sanghoon puffed his chest—any more and he would combust—and sent a stern look at his brother. Taehyung quickly looked away and you found yourself irritated at his brother for making him fumble.
“Would you do me the honour of dancing with me?” he asked almost shyly, his curls framing his face like the night sky hugged the moon.
Your mother had warned you to stay away from the prince of Gwangsu. If there was one prince she wanted no ties with, it was him.
"Of course,” you said, offering your hand.
The prince smiled wide, reminding you of a puppy. You led him to the dance floor and adjusted your steps to the song that was playing.
He was a good dancer, a little self-conscious of his steps but one of the best you had danced with. His touch was feather-light on your waist. He didn’t brag about what his kingdom could offer or shower you in honey-sticky compliments.
Your kingdoms had been enemies not a long time ago yet you didn’t think of that while you danced. You floated around the dancefloor in silence and it was enough. Relaxing.
When the song ended, you bowed to each other and Taehyung thanked you for the dance. You watched him as he got lost in the crowd and you moved towards where Abigail was standing.
A hand gripped your forearm and you were about to say some strong words to whoever it was when you turned and saw your mother.
She was glaring at you with poorly concealed anger. You could peel back her composure like the skin of an onion. “What were you doing with him?"
"Dancing,” you said, feigning ignorance.
“What did I tell you about Gwangsu? You don’t want to get involved with them. They are bad news. Terrible news."
You shook your arm free from her grip. She didn’t stop you, she didn’t want to make a scene. ”You don’t want me to get involved with them. There’s a difference.“
"This might not have been what you wanted but it’s unbecoming of you to try to spite me like this,” she said. “You gain nothing from this. Do you not remember what Gwangsu did? What I told you about the king? They aren’t like us. They don’t share our values and our beliefs."
"You’re talking about a war whose initiator has long died. I was dancing with a prince, not the king and not a dead man,” you countered.
Your mother’s jaw clenched. If you were in the privacy of your chambers, she would have raised her voice but here surrounded by people she wouldn’t dare. “You will not dance with him again. We’re looking for an ally, not an enemy."
"I’m not looking for anything,” you said through your teeth. “This is all you."
Before she could reply, you stormed away. Lilith pressed her head against your neck as if trying to comfort you.
Your mother hadn’t listened to you when you’d told her you didn’t want to get married, she hadn’t even tried to challenge the tradition that had no reason to exist. How could she expect you to listen to her when she had been the one to force you into this?
She wanted you to get married, then so be it.
Determined, you walked to Taehyung who was standing with his brothers, looking small between them. A small smile appeared on his face when he spotted you and a small flicker of warmth licked your insides.
"I have decided to accept the Prince of Gwangsu Taehyung’s courting offer,” you said loudly so everyone around you could hear.
Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing
Climbing into bed and making yourself comfortable, you pull the blankets up to your chin before turning onto your side and grabbing your phone, the bright screen momentarily blinding you. Blinking rapidly for your eyes to adjust, you scroll to find Jungkook’s contact on your phone. Tapping on his name, you press the audio call icon, smiling softly as the adorable profile picture you had set for him takes over your whole screen.
It was a cute selfie you two had taken together with Jungkook holding up the phone and taking the picture while placing a kiss on your cheek as you smile brightly. But it’s bittersweet because the picture only reminds you of how much you miss him. Jungkook’s been so busy with work lately that you haven’t seen him for nearly a week. You didn’t want to be clingy or annoying but you had gotten so used to being with Jungkook that it felt strange to be apart for so long.
Ever since Jungkook started staying at the dorms with the other members to compensate for their super busy schedule, you’ve called him every night to make sure everything’s okay and that he’s taking care of himself. And deep inside, although you’ve never told him, you also call him because his voice never fails to comfort you and help you fall asleep without him physically by your side.
You patiently wait as the phone rings before Jungkook answers your call, instantly making you perk up. But when a heavy sigh comes from the other end of the line, you falter. “Jungkook?” you ask worriedly, “Is everything okay?” Hearing concern bleed into your voice over the phone, Jungkook runs a hand through his hair tiredly. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he sighs through the phone, causing you to frown at the disinterest in his voice.
“How’s practice going?” you try to ask him about his day, hoping that he’ll share his worries with you so he doesn’t have to bear them all alone. “Good,” he answers simply before the line goes quiet. You remain silent, giving him a chance to expand if he wants to but he never does. You secretly hope that he’ll try to keep the conversation alive and ask you something—how your day was or what you’ve been up to—anything to show that he had the slightest interest in having a conversation with you.
You let out a small sigh of defeat when Jungkook doesn’t say anything, curling into yourself slightly as you wonder whether Jungkook really wants to be talking to you or if you’re just being a bother. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You can talk to me you know,” you try asking one more time. “Mhm,” he hums in acknowledgement. You curl into yourself more and more each time Jungkook gives you a dry response, a feeling of insecurity washing over you as you burrow deeper underneath the covers.
It was strange. Jungkook’s always been the epitome of comfort to you but talking to him now, you were suddenly feeling unsure of yourself. Discouraged by how one-sided this conversation was, you open your mouth to let Jungkook go and wish him goodnight but he beats you to it. “I’m busy, I have to go,” he mumbles into the phone, immediately hanging up the call without even giving you a chance to say goodbye to him, let alone say goodbye to you.
You pull the phone away from your ear in disbelief, Jungkook’s cute profile picture staring back at you almost mockingly as it reminds you of the times you had that are now gone. You can’t help but feel hurt. Jungkook’s never treated you so coldly before but you give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that he really was just busy.
You: goodnight
You: i love u <3
You send him a couple of texts since you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him over the phone and you’re about to turn your phone off when three dots appear on your screen, signalling that Jungkook was typing. You settle back into your pillow, patiently waiting for his message before going to bed.
Kookie <3: plz stop calling every night
Kookie <3: i don’t have time to text and call you every single day
You read Jungkook’s message over and over again, your vision starting to blur with tears as you pray for a “jk” or something else to pop up. But it never comes and after staring at his message for nearly five minutes, you give up on any hope that this is just some prank. With tears in your eyes, you reply with a simple “ok” before turning your phone off and placing it on the bedside table.
Turning to face Jungkook’s empty side of the bed, you shut your eyes tightly to hold back your tears, trying to forget about all the events of the night and fall asleep. because you have an early morning tomorrow Please stop calling. I don’t have time. But Jungkook’s words flash behind your eyelids, forcing you to open them and focus on something else in the room to make them disappear. Gripping the blankets tightly in your fists, you let out little sobs as your tears soak into your pillow.
The next morning when Jungkook wakes up, the first thing he does is reach for his phone since it’s become routine for him to check for your good morning texts. Squinting at his lock screen, still half-asleep, his brows furrow in confusion when he doesn’t find any notifications from you wishing that he has a good day and to take care of himself. Slowly starting to wake up, Jungkook recalls your conversation last night, or rather lack of, and how cold he was to you.
He curses under his breath, sitting up and unlocking his phone to check your messages and make sure it wasn’t just some nightmare. But the proof is right in front of his eyes as he reads over the message he sent you last night. Falling back onto his pillow, Jungkook lets out a groan as he throws his arm over his eyes. Regret immediately washes over him and he wants nothing more than to drive home and apologize to you.
He shouldn’t have said that to you. He didn’t mean it. He was just feeling so overwhelmed with work lately to the point where answering your texts and calls felt like a chore. But now that he was rested and able to think straight, it registers in his mind just how much he must’ve hurt you. But his schedule’s packed and he knows he won’t be able to return home to you in at least a week.
Kookie <3: im sorry
After sending you a quick apology, Jungkook throws the covers off himself, begrudgingly getting out of bed to get ready for the day.
Slowly coming to consciousness, you let out a groan as you bury your face in your pillow, not having the energy or the motivation to get out of bed. Listening to Jungkook’s voice before bed always helped you relax and soothe all your worries. But after last night, you felt more anxious than ever and didn’t fall asleep until around 3 am, resulting in you waking up feeling extremely groggy and fatigued.
Turning onto your side and picking up your phone, a message from Jungkook immediately catches your attention. Tapping on the notification, you stare at his apology, contemplating sending him a message. You type out a short but sweet message to wish him good morning, hovering your thumb over the send button but you’re unsure whether you should send it or not.
But when your eyes move up to your messages from last night, the answer is clear as day as you delete the message you typed out before putting your phone back on the nightstand. Rolling onto your back, you let out a sigh as you stare at the ceiling. Even though he apologized, you can’t help but hesitate every time you think about sending Jungkook a message, afraid you might be bothering him.
Jungkook knows his short apology isn’t enough. Of course it isn’t, insecurities can’t be washed away just like that. He isn’t able to apologize to you properly because of how busy his schedule is but when he doesn’t receive a single text or call from you for the next 3 days, Jungkook can’t take it anymore. And after talking to the company about how he was feeling so overwhelmed that answering his loved ones’ texts and calls felt like a chore, they were quick to understand and give them a break.
Leaving the company building, Jungkook decides to apologize to you and surprise you, picking up some takeout from your favourite restaurant and your favourite flowers on the way home. Entering the apartment, Jungkook sees your shoes and keys are still gone, meaning you’re still at work. He smiles, knowing he has time to prepare everything for you. He gets to work, setting the table nicely and arranging the flowers nicely in a vase.
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion when you walk in through the front door to find the lights on. You haven’t been able to get a goodnight’s sleep ever since the last time you talked to Jungkook so you assume that you just forgot to turn the lights off in your exhausted state when Jungkook suddenly pops his head around the corner. He quickly approaches you and pulls you into his arms. “You’re home,” he whispers into your hair, cradling your head to his chest.
You bring your arms up to wrap around his waist, clutching the fabric of his shirt in your fists. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes sincerely, “I was just feeling so stressed and overwhelmed but I promise I didn’t mean anything I said. I always look forward to your good morning texts and your phone calls at night. These past few days have been hell for me.” When he finally pulls away, he takes a closer look at you, quickly noticing the dark circles under your eyes and the exhausted look on your face. “You look tired,” he observed out loud, “Have you not been sleeping well?”
You shrug your shoulders at him, avoiding eye contact as you move your gaze to the floor. No matter how much he hurt you, you didn’t have the heart to tell him the reason you couldn’t sleep was because of him. But he can see right through you, blaming himself for saying harsh things to you, for being away from you when you needed him. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?” he asks sadly, looking at you with big, guilty eyes. He hates the fact that he’s the reason you haven’t been well when it was his job to make sure you’re well taken care of.
He pulls you back into a hug, whispering over and over again, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You bring a hand up, lightly patting him on the back to reassure him. “It’s okay, Jungkook. I know you’re busy, you’re doing your best,” you try to reassure him but he frowns down at you, shaking his head stubbornly. He guides you to the table, picking up some food with a fork before holding it out to you. “Jungkook you don’t have to-” you try to protest but he gives you a look that says he won’t let you raise a finger.
Giving in with a sigh, you open your mouth, allowing him to spoon-feed you but not without making sure he’s feeding himself as well. Jungkook keeps feeding you until you physically can’t eat another bite and you feel like you’re going to explode because of how full you are. He already failed to make sure you were well-rested and he’d be damned if he failed to make sure you were eating well too.
Once you two finish eating, Jungkook rushes to throw all the takeout containers into the garbage before coming back to you. He picks you up bridal style, carrying you to your shared bedroom and gently seating you on the bed. “I’ll run a bath for you. Wait here,” he tells you as he turns to enter the bathroom but you reach out to grasp onto the fabric of his sleeve, stopping his movements. He turns around at your hold, looking at you with questioning eyes. “
It’s okay, Jungkook, I know you’re tired too. Let’s just go to sleep,” you tell him with a soft smile. His bottom lip juts out as he pouts at you, his desire to make it up to you clear in his eyes. “Please?” you ask softly, “I just want to be with you right now.” Jungkook can’t deny you when you ask him so nicely, immediately giving in as you scoot over on the bed, creating room for him as he climbs into bed beside you.
He pulls you into his arms, engulfing you in his warmth and washing away all your worries. Laying your head on his chest, your eyelids start to grow heavy as you listen to his steady heartbeat. “Jungkook?” you mumble drowsily, on the verge of falling asleep. “Hmm?” he hums in acknowledgement, the vibration rumbling through his chest. “Can you sing to me, please?” you request softly as you mindlessly trace the tattoos on his skin.
Jungkook immediately agrees, beginning to sing softly to you. His angelic voice fills the bedroom as he combs his fingers through your hair, lulling you to sleep. When he finishes the song, he looks down to find your cheek squished against his chest, fast asleep. He smiles softly at your sleeping face, placing a kiss on your forehead before cuddling you closer to his chest, comforted by the fact that you were now in his arms.
Tags:Angst, hurt/comfort, low-self esteem, themes of abandonment, betrayal, anger, anxiety, panic-attacks, brief implied suicidal thoughts (Tae) but it’s heavily implied, not the slowest of burns but it’s as slow as im willing to make it.
W/c:7.0k
A/n: It’s a little early but I hope you like it! alot of angst but the ending is worth it I promise! you guys finally meet the m/c! the next few chapters will show how yoongi and the m/c met and all that shit. PLEASE READ THE PROLOGUE BEFORE YOU READ THIS PART.
When he’d left to visit his familial pack (the pack he’d been born into) It was a sudden trip. One-day; Yoongi had given himself one extra day at home, the last day he’d get to love them before he’d left. It was all his anxiety would allow.
To his packmates it had felt a little like Yoongi was just distracted. Often they’d turn to ask him and found him anxiously looking down on his phone. In the morning he’d had to get on the first train and no one had thought anything of it- of course they were okay with him going. Of course Yoongi had to go for his family.
He’d left a heavily scented shirt for Jungkook to hold onto to make sure his seizures didn’t get too bad while he was gone. But the omega had his whole closet too and he wasn’t even going to be gone that long, right? his hovering and worrying was a little too much, right?
The best lies are one part lie and two parts truth. Yes, Yoongi’s grandfather was dying and telling them that didn’t feel like a lie. But on the other hand saying “I’ll be back in 2 weeks, maybe 3 at the most” tasted like acid on his tongue.
It’s not a lie when Yoongi looks at Jin and pouts, because even if he wants to cry as he drinks in his omega getting ready for work thinking it could be the last time he sees it, he can’t. Tears aren’t expected of him and It would give it all away.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Jin kisses the frown off of his lips.
Tags: Consumption of alcohol, drunk kisses, Jimin but gets handsy with the m/c, sexual touching, flirting, drunk sexual content, posessive behavior, yandere! Jimin, Don’t like don’t read, Jimin also has like- one sip of alchohol while he is the designated driver, but they are at the bar for 3+ hours
W/c:9.4k
A/n: Although i don’t think that what happens in the chapter is in any way un consensual- it definitely toes a line in what is considered modern consent theory. I don’t subscribe to the notion that one sip of alcohol takes away a persons agency- and the m/c is still very much verbally consenting to Jimin even though she has had a drink-and he hasn’t and Jimin is scent high so! She’s tipsy at best through the entirety of the chapter.
The Poem that is spoken before Tae’s poem is a snippet from Jasmine man’s poem ‘black girl, call home’ you should all follow her on twitter here! thank you to whatever anon recommended me her work!
The sun sets on your drive over, turning the rearview mirror every shade of yellow and red. The lights of the city twinkle in the distance and turn the sky a burning orange on the horizon. Jimin uses his horn liberally as he struggles to park but in the meantime, you transfer your few cards to the new wallet and put the wallet inside the bunny bag. Giving it a happy squeeze when everything is finally all in it’s place.
A group of people smokes outside the bar and If the smell draws Jimin at all he doesn’t show it, holding the door open for you and Tae. the interior of the bar is already crowded by the time you get in. You think you’re doomed to the standing room by the bar but then you see it: right by the door, a booth with one side to the windows
I’m leaving my thoughts on both chapter 32 and 33 here
(How terribly naive of your pack, to think that fate would spare you all its tricks). GHAD IM SCARED
Ooooooh that little hobi/mc crumb with his reaction to the dress made me go soft for them little crumbs like this already make my heart soaar. m/c and hobi’s development is prolly one of my fave parts of the story and little moments like that just makes the slow burn just burn a little warmer
WHEN MC TRIED THE DRESS ON IN FRONT OF THEM AND THEM JUST ADORING HER MADE ME SO SOFT
“Maybe she only knows how best to pull off the ruse because it fits her soul so poorly, every inch of it intentional.” THIS LINE IS JUST SO CLEVER TO ME I JUST SKNALSNFLEJD YOU WORDED IT SO WELL IT HURTS
THE FLIRTING AND THE TEASING PLLLSSS IT JUST MADE ME WANT TO TRY IT OUT ON SOMEONE AND MAKE THEM FLUSTERED AS HELL OR MAKE THEM WANT TO SPANK ME DAMNIT
TAE’S POEM! THE KISS! JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS HOW FOKEN BEAUTIFUL THAT MOMENT WAS PLEASE IM CRYING
AND THAT CLIFF HANGER! I felt something coming up AND NOW THAT ITS HERE IM LIKE “WAIT GO BAACK! TAKE ME BACK TO THE PACK FLUFF AGAIN I AIN’T READY ” HYEJIN I THOUGHT U WAS A REAL ONE DEMNIT and the fact that Jimin ain’t aware who tf he’s glaring daggers into MEANWHILE MOONBYUL KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HE IS HOMYLAWD
And Jinnie hooooolaaaaaaawwd i feeaaaaaar the next update
There’s so much more i want to say and sheet but the beest way i could express it would just be screaming and crying but really this chapter was *chef’s kiss* ✨
@geekynicki ahhhhhh i’m so sorry it took me so long to respond! i think in all of the excitement of the comeback this got lost in the shuffle.
ahhhhh i love the hobi parts too~ i can’t wait to give their part of the story some attention in future chapters too, it feels like it’s been a second since we touched on it but!!! soon i promise!!!
Ahhhhhh i know- it’s felt so horrible to write Tae presenting as a man because like thats not her~ thats not the happy tae tae mommy that we know!!! honestly it was one of the hardest parts of this chapter to write!
you me m/c - wanting to make jiminie flustered enough that he takes her over his lap and punishes her I SWEAR i cannot wait to write chapter 35 just cuz, jinnie spanking, just the jinnie spanking. i swear its all i can think about ughhhhhhhhhh, im an impatient bean~
as for the future well,,,, i’m in the middle of writing the next update and honestly, it feels like one of those videos where everything just /almost/ goes wrong- but don’t worry, the actual falling apart doesn’t happen until the very end! we’ve got alot more fluff to get through!
thank you so much for your lovely review of the story <3 i love reading everyones takes on it and i go back even like- months after and read it sometimes too~ it always helps me get motivation to write more!
