Summary:You loved him, but he was your best friend, and while he sometimes blurred the lines, he never saw you more than one, but since he was your best friend and you were so in love, you’d break yourself apart for him. You watched him fall in love with everyone, but you, only question for how long?
(Minors DNI) | Angst | Fluff | Smut
Word Count: 20154 words (I’m so sorry)
Age:18+
Pairings:Taehyung x Female Reader
Warnings:Unrequited Love AU! (don’t say I didn’t warn you; this really won’t be a nice one). Yelling, swearing, crying, arguments, toxic coping mechanisms, smut, unprotected sex (don’t do this). Fingering, oral (male and female receiving). multiple orgasms, squirting. Body insecurities, bitchy drama from other girls (lets lift each other up).
Authors Note 1: I think All Too Well was painful for me to write because that was the story about how a relationship that I deemed perfect fell apart, but this one hurts me more because this is a story I hate reliving so much. After all, this is the story of how I fell in love with my best friend and how I never told him (sort of), but now I had to watch him fall in love with everyone but me. This story is in a way letter to myself back then. I wish I loved myself more back then.
Authors Note 2: Thank you so much to the following lovies, @hobeemin@jeonjcngkook@go1denjeon@taeshobipop@rosiekook, thank you guys so much for hearing me yap about this fic endlessly for a whole two months and its finally done, it couldn’t have been possible without your constant love and support.
Authors Note 3: Thank you so much @jimilter Ash, my baby, my angel, you’ve really gone above and beyond reading such a long fic for me and being so kind and patient and loving with your time to help me read this. It was like opening a wound but with your kind words and tireless efforts to help me make this fic what it is, I couldn’t have asked for a more loving and encouraging beta reader, thank you for this my love.
Ok first of all who gave you the permission? who gave you the permission to play with my feelings like that????? Woman and I was all this time thinking that All Too Well had been painful, now turns out you came up with a stronger fighter
I mean, yeah all too well was something else ok? it hurt me a lot BUTTTTTTT my dear here we’re talking about deep personal shit this is too much omg what were you thinking??? (jk you know i love it)
I really don’t know how I managed to keep calm after reading this because I really wanted to say a lot of things, like THAT ENDING???? INDIGO???? (I’ll talk about that later oof)
Lemme start talking about that damn fucker Taehyung, boy what is your problem? he is totally messed up. How can someone be so fake to a person who is putting all their trust in you. I dont like him Indigo i’m soooorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy Listen, I have a theory about you writing about Tae, either you make him way too horny, or you make him too angsty for my feelings!!!! And here I was thinking nice things about him being the perfect friend and so sweet ugh and don’t let me start about the fact that they decided to be friends with benefits. People, that’s not good, I’ve seen that number before, not the best option huh. But hey we love to read some drama sooooooo ♀️♀️♀️
Do i even have to talk about Nia???? fuck her. that’s it. nothing else. she doesn’t deserve my words. i’ll stop now.
NOW the oc, one of the reasons why this fic touched my heart so much. She’s so relatable to me, i feel you girl. I know what is like to feel like her sometimes so it hit hard to read this whole story and everything felt so personal. My girl, I understand you got your heart broken but to take on that behavior of being with anyone and stop caring about things, you are so much more than that, queen. She really is too much for a person with such a poor soul like Tae
Queen, the smut… ofc you never dissapoint, always the cherry on top but it was with Tae and omg he didn’t deserve it. I can understand why they did it though ♀️ and then when everything was fine he decided to mess it up AGAIN UUUGGGGGHHHH
Hear me out, i’m happy for oc bc she finally stopped having feelings for Tae in the end, i’m so happy that she realized she is worth a lot more than she thought but him inviting her to the wedding???? low blow man, that’s just so cruel. I’m glad she used that opportunity as a goodbye for her old feelings and that Tae finally had the courage to love someone for real but hey i think oc deserved better, she just suffered so much i just
Well, even though I hate Tae so much in this fic and I was pretty much destroyed by oc, I obviously loved the story, as always. My sweet your writings are getting more and more perfect and you always make me feel all kinds of things when I read them, i’m so so so so proud of you because I see you are finally getting the recognition you deserve queen!!!! I just hope I don’t have to go away for so long again omg bc i miss so much.
Thank youuuuu for your beautiful writings my angel, i missed doing this always take care
Pairing: Taehyung x reader (flight attendant!Taehyung, s2l)
Genre: smut, romance
Rating: 18+
Wc: 5.5k
Warnings: dirty talk, degradation, fingering, clothed sex, public sex, cumshot, masturbation, voyeurism - ish? a hint? maybe, reader is rich
A/N: ♡ Another birthday fic! Thank you @notyouroppar for being my eyes once more even during this busy period and for my amazing friends especially Dee and Neri who have been amazing support! This is the fifth instalment of the Mile High Club series!
Cramped places and recycled air were not the ideal way to spend your holidays. The notions of not having room for your legs, or the opportunity to enjoy a seat of your own on a plane have always been a pet peeve for you. Now you found yourself in that exact circumstance, cramped in a small business seat instead of the VIP one you were always used to. To top it all off, the flight was full and the seat next to yours was taken. The sleeping man, chest heaving next to you, would once in a while let his head fall onto your shoulder before jolting himself awake. He would apologise with a small smile then straighten himself up for a few moments before he’d fall asleep again and the cycle would repeat.
Sighing in exasperation, you shifted in your seat hoping to lessen the numbness in your leg before your seatmate decided to make you a pillow once more. When the pins and needles wouldn’t stop you groaned and undid your seatbelt, standing up; your last attempt at making it better before you complained and asked for an upgrade.
In the process of getting your lower body to function normally you couldn’t care less about the head of the snoring man which was headed towards his usual pillow and your battered shoulder. Instead of minding his head you whacked him in the temple jolting the sleeping passenger awake.
“Hey, can you not be so selfish and allow the people next to you to sleep?” he spat at you, his face contorted into a disgruntled sneer. The look of hatred on his face and his tone of voice made you decide instantly you were done with playing around with the cheaper service and with a scoff in his direction you ignored his comment. Eyes scouring round the area you focused your energy in finding someone to talk to about your plight.
Daaaaaamn Maria, why does this series have to be so good? You make my dark side go out of control gosh really this was so sexy, I think I’m going to pass out.
I’m so into Tae lately and this was the cherry on top, maybe it was that Vogue photoshoot but ugh woof woof woof Taehyung I keep picturing him in that uniform and with that deep voice of his.
The first part was so funny, she was so upset and to top it all off everyone was ignoring her because of Tae It was all his plan all along and of course he got what he wanted, And who are we to judge him?
“Let’s go, I’m already hard and uncomfortable in my uniform” “You’re getting the upgrade that you requested” And what an upgrade she received and obviously he had to be the loud one and be asking for begging, ugh I love it. Although to be honest she was pretty hot too haha I hope she can take full advantage of that reusable coupon (I would).
Another masterpiece for the mile high club, I love love love love it! You always make them look so hot in these stories and you also make me think about things I shouldn’t but I’m not complaining, you know I live for that
THANK YOU for this (very) sexy mess, lots of love and please take care
synopsis:you’ve been plagued by visions about your soulmate since as long as you can remember. could this be the year where you finally meet him?
p: taehyung x reader
wc: 7k
genre/rating/au: 18+ | soulmates au | fluff, smut
warnings: mentions of oral. for the drabble at the end: begging, messy oral (f receiving), overstimulation, unprotected sex
a/n: written for the beautiful @rosiekoo aka sana! thanks for letting me be your cedar!!! i loved talking to you and i hope this is a nice surprise, my love!! also thanks to @minyfic aka yus for letting me use her name in the fic as yoongi’s soulmate
“Ugh… Not again…” you whimper in pain as you clutch your head.
It’s the same thing that happens year after year – a splitting headache that lasts only a few seconds, but the agony of it renders your body useless for an entire day.
Moon omg this is so beautiful, I had a bit hectic day so this was what I needed to cure my stress
The whole story feels like a dream, and please, we’re talking about Taehyung, the man himself is quite a dream. I really love when you add those magical touches to your stories because they make them so precious and cozy
The fact that they had to sit at the same table, oh everything was perfect for their encounter and omg them feeling all that connection between them without even knowing that they were soulmates they were craving each other when in reality they were meant to be together all that time, it was PERFECT.
I loved when they realized they were soulmates they were foolish for not realizing it, but all of that made the story more interesting. I love that you added Tae’s vision too, it was definitely meant to be between them
Thanks for this very sweet story, Moon happy new year and lots of love to you
summary: will you ever be able to get over your crush on kim taehyung?
a/n: this marks the end of the fools universe (which can be read individually)! i’m very overwhelmed and excited for this final part, but i will miss writing this universe a lot, i struggled a lot with this one but i’m happy with the ending, thank you to every single one of you who’s read it, it means the world and more to me, i hope you enjoy this last part a lot <3
“i don’t know what to say, kim taehyung” taehyung hangs his head low as his professor chews his ear out, he really should have just finished his assignment instead of being curious about jin’s love life.
“you are not even close to passing this semester, let alone having a decent grade, i know you take this subject as a minor but it still affects your overall score” taehyung nods at his words, wincing every now and then because he didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until his professor narrates it to him.
“you know that this could potentially harm your scholarship, right?”
“i am aware” taehyung shamefully replies and his professor sighs at him.
“taehyung, as your parents friend and well-wisher, you worked hard for this scholarship and i can’t just watch you throw it all away” taehyung absolutely hates when his professor gets personal with him.
why not just lecture him and let him go?
he can take the harshest words without feeling a lot but the second it gets personal; he feels guilty for slacking off.
and taehyung hates feeling guilty.
“because i know how much this will hurt your record in the long run, i will pass you this one time, only once” as soon as those words leave the professor in a disappointed sigh, taehyung internally cheers but it’s short-lived. someone enters the same classroom and taehyung doesn’t know who they are which is weird considering he knows all of his classmates. at least he thought he knew everyone. he carefully eyes the new person in the room, with furrowed eyebrows and pouted lips, trying to identify her.
“ah, y/n, right on time as always” so her name is y/n.
taehyung doesn’t understand why she looks so nervous but he just assumes she’s just one of those people who doesn’t like being around people.
“you asked me to come, sir?” you trail off, already feeling a blush crawling at the back of your neck with taehyung in the same room.
it’s no secret (to yourself) that taehyung has been your crush since you started university and saw him having a playful banter with the professors and just seeming to have a blast with his friends, he was simply the coolest person you saw, and that led to a hopeless crush on your side, but you also know that he has no clue about you.
and suddenly being in the same room with him, you feel flustered and intimidated, not in a bad way, more so in a ‘wow, you’re even more gorgeous up close’ way and your hands don’t keep still, they keep shaking with a mind of their own and your head is nothing but a fumbled mess.
“yeah, your assignment was perfect, you covered every important point but still managed to make it easy to read, keep it up, y/n.” you stay silent with the praise you get as your professor hands your graded assignment with a smile on his face and you bow before taking it from him.
A.
you sigh in relief and look up to notice taehyung giving you a weird expression, and you didn’t know what to make of it, you were sure you didn’t look that ugly today nor was your hair a mess, today had been a good day, looks-wise for you but then again, you imagine that a guy like taehyung has higher standards.
taehyung, on the other hand, just couldn’t understand how you don’t react to the praise or the high grade, if it was him who got an A, he would be busy getting smashed in some bar but your nonchalance confuses him.
whatever, he’s got a failed semester to care about right now.
“and right, you asked me if you could tutor someone for extra credit?” the professor asks you and you nod in response, you need that extra credit for your scholarship to hold for the next few semesters, and a little extra money from it wouldn’t hurt you either.
“yes, i did”
“what about him?” the professor points to kim taehyung and your eyes widen, but it seems like you’re not the only one taken aback because taehyung immediately turns to the professor with a frown on his eyes.
oh, he does not like the idea.
you can’t help but be a little disappointed when he looks that annoyed over this.
he doesn’t even know you so you can’t exactly blame him but his reaction makes you internally wince.
“you didn’t even ask me” taehyung complains noisily to the professor and you just keep your head low, deciding to talk only when you’re spoken to.
“you really don’t have a choice here kim taehyung, you are failing and only passing because i passed you, and the least you can do to improve is get a tutor, i would be grateful if i were you, y/n is one of the best students we have.” you feel a little bashful with all the praise you’re getting, the professor is always this way with you but you can’t take it gracefully with your crush is standing right there.
but it’s just dawning on you that you have to tutor him, your crush, actually spend time with him, help him out and improve his grade, spending time with him is the only thing you could think of right now though even if it both terrifies and excites you the slightest bit.
mostly terrified though.
“fine” taehyung surrenders with a not-so-subtle glare thrown to the professor who really couldn’t give less of a shit by the looks of it.
“good, you two can work out a schedule together” the professor says dismissively, grabbing the papers off his desk and his bag, nodding at you two and leaving the room.
the room felt suffocating with taehyung’s heavy mood and your inability to defuse it, you are supposed to discuss the plan with him but you’re not going to initiate it, you don’t want to seem that desperate, besides you think it’s better to leave him when he looks annoyed, you don’t want to accidentally piss him off.
so, you quickly turn towards the door and speed walk out of the room, taking a deep breath and leaning against a wall outside the room, you didn’t expect this from the end of your day. seeing taehyung from anywhere closer than ten feet away is definitely not what you expected and your heart is still pounding from being in the same room as him, you feel warm all over and you don’t know if you feel elated or embarrassed.
-
you groan and take your glasses off to rub at the bridge of your nose, classes were a drag and you have work piled on for the weekend, it’s not like you had any plans but it would have been nice if you could rest for a bit, and the lunch in front of you isn’t helping at all. it doesn’t look appetizing and smells old, you are not even sure if you can eat it.
“what’s up?” you hear from right beside your ear making you gasp and flinch, moving away from the sound and your glasses slide off the table, making a clattering sound that makes you flinch more.
“woah, calm down” you lift your head to see taehyung standing there with a huge smile and your eyes widen, he picks your glasses up and holds them out to you, you take them back with shaky hands and put it on yourself.
when did he get here? you usually notice when he’s in a room.
“you scared me” you mumble and push your glasses up, unable to look straight at him for more than a few seconds, you don’t think you can handle that, so, just imagine the way your heart jumps to your throat when taehyung takes a seat right beside you.
“didn’t mean to do that, sorry” he smiles brightly as he leans his face on his propped-up hand and sits wide-legged in front of you, his knees are brushing over your legs and if he noticed, he doesn’t care about it but you do, you care about the way your heart slips continuously when his skin carelessly touches yours.
he definitely looks like he is in a better mood than he was a few days ago.
“it’s okay, did you need something?” you look down at your food, picking at it with a small whine caught in your throat as you wait for him to answer.
“we need to discuss our schedule” you raise your eyebrows at him, you thought because he never got in contact with you again, that he simply just didn’t want it and you brushed it off, thinking it was probably better for you too, your crush on him was embarrassingly huge and you know how nervous you will get, so you were relieved when he didn’t try to contact you.
“i thought you weren’t doing it” your response is as nervous as you feel.
“i wasn’t but i don’t have a choice” he chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. he looks ridiculously attractive in his simple oversized t-shirt and cream-colored trousers and his awkward habit is endearing, your cheeks flush as you look away from him and back to your food.
“can we talk about this after i’m done eating?” you never really prepared yourself to have a conversation with him so you just wish he leaves you alone for now and comes back when you’re not feeling and looking like shit.
“you’re going to eat this?” taehyung murmurs in disbelief, side glancing the less-than-appetizing food in your tray.
“i don’t have a choice” it feels weird to repeat his words to him but from what you can see, he doesn’t think too much about it which is a huge relief.
“yes, you do” he says with a sigh, getting up and you look up at him with scrunched eyebrows.
“you’re coming to lunch with me and don’t worry, it’s my treat, one of many now that you’re my tutor” he grins easily at you, grabbing your backpack from the seat and eagerly waiting for you with bright eyes and his entire posture is relaxed, like having lunch with a stranger is totally okay with him.
is this what extroverts are like?
why was he so comfortable with you? this is your second time meeting and you didn’t even speak directly the first time.
it didn’t seem like he was asking you to come either, more like just waiting for you to join him, so you get up with a stammer in your step, anything that is not your college lunch is something you would welcome happily and lunch with taehyung doesn’t seem like a bad idea, not yet.
but you’re nervous, though one thing that saves you is that you have always been good at hiding how you feel.
taehyung smiles at you one last time, so easily, so beautifully, like it wouldn’t make you stutter, before turning around and leading the way, with your backpack slung over his shoulder, you feel too shy to ask for it and that you will probably stutter through your words when you speak to him, so you just silently follow him out of the cafeteria, ignoring the weird looks you two got on the way out.
you cautiously step into the classy bakery that taehyung takes you to, he tried to make conversation on the way but your answers were so short that even you felt embarrassed, taehyung though, didn’t look like he cared, if he found you awkward, he didn’t show it and you were grateful to him for that.
“namjoon hyung is the manager here, so i can get us a pretty discount” he winks at the end of the sentence, obviously as a joke but you can’t help how flustered you feel with a simple wink.
you are eating lunch with your crush who you thought was way out of your league, is something you have dreamed about, you never actually expected to sit across taehyung as he talks animatedly about how good the coffee and desserts are here.
judging by the fruity and addictingly sweet smell that fills the air around you, you don’t question his praise, your own mouth waters at the thought of the pretty pastries you see lined up right at the counter and the coffee bean smell is so soothing, you might have just found your favorite place that wasn’t your apartment.
a waiter (you can’t believe he’s a waiter with how handsome he was) comes up to you both but taehyung already seemed to know the guy who groaned as soon as he saw taehyung, taehyung leans back lazily in his seat with an ever-present grin on his face.
“why do you come back with a new girl every week?” the pouty guy whines at taehyung and your eyes widen with your head still down, so you’re not the first one he’s brought here, it was foolish of you to think so as well and taehyung playfully swats at the guys arm, his grin unwavering and you only purse your lips at the empty table.
god, you want to run away.
“order whatever you want” he gestures to the menu and you quickly scan over it, a low squeal in your throat when you see that they have your favorite, pho and fudge brownies. you lift your head to tell taehyung to see him in an animated conversation with the waiter, nudging him from time to time and just looking like he was having the time of his life, like he always does, you lightly tap the table to get his attention and he immediately abandons the conversation and leans over, making you move back at the sudden movement, he only seems amused by your reaction.
“you’re a little quiet, so i just wanted to listen to you better, what did you decide on?” he explains simply and you can’t help but gaze into his eyes as he keeps them steady on you, for someone like him, eye contact isn’t a problem, isn’t a big deal but it makes your heart pound, you nod slowly and mumble your order, sinking back into your seat.
“excellent choice, pho and brownies for two, and is it alright if i order the drinks?” he turns to you for confirmation and once he’s received a mumble of agreement, turns back to the waiter.
“two peach iced teas” and with that, the waiter leaves but not without smacking taehyung one last time. taehyung pretends that he’s in a lot of pain and winces childishly which has you holding back a smile as the waiter shakes his head at him before disappearing to the back, your eyes curiously follow him to the counter where all the desserts are laid out.
taehyung is quick to catch your wandering eyes and finds it funny that since he’s met you, the only time he’s seen you smile is when you’re looking at desserts.
“you want to take a look?” taehyung walks towards the counter, which has you trailing behind him. you slowly take in the view of all the chocolate pastries that could be in your stomach and taehyung stays right at your back, watching you move around excitedly and admire them.
“are you into baking or something?” he finally asks after five minutes of you moving around him with big, fascinated eyes.
“no, i just like to eat” your answer comes out before you can even think about it and you only realize it when taehyung breaks into a chuckle at your words, making you shuffle on your feet, clearing your throat and looking back at the especially good-looking tiramisu.
“are you always this quiet or is it just with me?” the question takes you off guard, and you think taehyung is upset but there is no hint of frustration or annoyance on his face, only genuine curiosity.
“i don’t like to talk much, it’s nothing against you i promise” you try to reassure and be as honest as you could.
“that’s a relief” he smiles and walks back to the table where your food is waiting, you walk back with a bounce to your step because you haven’t been this hungry in a while. and as soon as you sit down, you reach for your steaming bowl of pho and sigh in bliss.
taehyung notices your exaggerated reactions to your food and simply smiles to himself.
something about you, he likes it, he doesn’t mind being the only one talking the entire time, he doesn’t mind how you only seem to talk when spoken to, it’s new to him, he’s always surrounded by people just as extroverted as him, so this isn’t something he’s used to but taehyung doesn’t mind.
taehyung doesn’t mind at all.
-
you walk home with rosy cheeks that day, because you can finally confirm that taehyung is just as charming, just as care-free as he looks, and he’s very good company, usually people get annoyed that conversations with you feel one-sided and you don’t blame them but it’s freeing with how comfortable taehyung tried to make you feel.
it isn’t very good news to the crush you already have on him; you feel like it’s grown ten-fold. and it’s only the second time meeting him, you are nervous for your poor heart which jumps with every glance he gives you.
and with the schedule you two planned, consisting of meeting up almost every other day because taehyung simply wants his grades to not be on the ground, you are sure that your heart only will go through so much more.
your nerves don’t calm down as your legs bounce up and down below the table at the library you’re sat at, your lip hurts from how much you’ve bit it as you anxiously look around for taehyung who is yet to show up for your first tutoring session. you can’t look like this in front of him so you’re doing whatever you can to be as normal as you can be.
you have to get over him at some point, you can’t tutor him while giving him heart-eyes.
“hey!” a bright greeting comes from behind you and you almost fall out of your seat, your elbow slips on the table and your chin hits the table, as if scaring you at lunch back then wasn’t bad enough, you begrudgingly think and groan at the pain on your chin.
taehyung does nothing to help and just sits down beside you with a happy hum, his books dropping in front of him in a heap and his smile doesn’t budge even when you glare at him while rubbing your chin.
“do you have to scare me every time?” you whine, your chin already becoming sore, you’re in enough pain to not have the mind to worry about how stupid you just looked. he simply shrugs at you.
“do you have to get scared every time?” comes his almost immediate retort and how will you argue with that logic while processing how close these library seats are next to each other? your reply comes with a roll of your eyes, though you’re sure that your cheeks are as warm as the sun blaring outside.
taehyung finds absolute satisfaction and amusement from your reaction and it shows in the way he leans back proudly in seat as you pretend to jot down notes, at this point, you don’t even know what you are writing anymore but you’re writing.
suddenly, just as you’re about to finally stop acting like you’re busy and get back to him, your glasses are snatched from your face and you don’t even have to look to see who took it. taehyung twirls the glasses in his hands with a smug grin, and then puts them on, wiggling his eyebrows and pouting every now and then. and you feel your heart burst with how cute he looks.
if it was anyone else, you are sure you would have hated it. but it’s taehyung and you don’t think you could ever hate him.
you watch with curious eyes as he gets all serious and grabs a book, writing with an invisible pen furiously. you tilt your head because you don’t quite understand what he’s doing.
it takes quite a second to dawn on you that he’s actually imitating you.
“look at me, i’m y/n, star student” he squeals in a high-pitched voice that most definitely is not yours.
your mouth falls open in offence, and even before you could think about it, you swat his arm with a loud complaint leaving your lips, as he laughs at you, pushing your hand off and continuing to act like he was you. you groan and throw your head back in annoyance, though you really don’t feel as annoyed, you just feel a hundred times more comfortable with taehyung now.
after a string of complaints from you, taehyung finally gives your glass back but instead of just handing them back to you, he slides them on your face himself and you feel every bit of you twisting and turning at the simple action. you cough awkwardly into your hand and turn away from him, moving your books out of the way so you could get started.
“which subject do you want to start with?” as a response, taehyung drops a thick book right in front of you.
art history.
tricky but you can work with it.
“okay, how much do you know already?” you ask him and he thinks with lips pushed into a pout.
“can i be honest?”
“of course.” you nod at him.
“i know nothing, i slept through all the classes” he admits sheepishly and you giggle a little at his confession.
of course, not to be creepy or anything but you knew about this, you have unconsciously turned to see him in class more than a few times, only to see him passed out on his bench with his backpack covering his head.
“that’s alright, one thing that’s helped me with art history is memorizing it all like a story” you let him in on your secret, you always envision history like a story book, or a tv show that you’re invested in, thinking up characters in actual scenes, it helps you remember a lot better than just book material.
so, you tell him the same thing, you start explaining in brief various parts of print culture, origins of different eras, the rise of modern art that we usually see today, and artists that revolutionized the world of art, all in the form of a movie that taehyung intently listens to.
you didn’t expect him to listen as well as he did, but he stays quiet for the most part, politely lifting his hand to ask questions like he was in an actual class which made you grin the first time and taking notes when something seemed complicated.
by the time you’re done, it’s almost dinner time and the library is much emptier than it was before but taehyung still looks excited to learn more. it’s endearing how he listens to you like nothing else matters and makes you feel the tiniest bit special.
“that’s it for today” you announce with an exhausted smile on your face and taehyung stretches his sore limbs while yawning.
“that was a lot but it is more fun when you explain it” he drops the compliment casually, no regards to how that makes your nerves dance in sheer excitement.
“i’m glad you enjoyed it” you mumble shyly while packing your books into your bag. you get up, throwing it over your shoulder and look at taehyung only to see him already looking at you.
“i’ll go now, goodbye taehyung” your voice unwillingly pitchy at the end.
“goodbye, y/n” he repeats in the same tone as you and you roll your eyes yet again while walking away from his gleeful laughter and right outside the library, you break into the biggest grin ever, the butterflies in your stomach raging and tumbling over themselves because you simply can’t believe that the last couple of hours are real.
how will you ever get over him?
-
you groan as you plop down in your seat, you slept weird last night and your neck cramp still hasn’t gone away, your body aches all over, you don’t even know why, walking feels like you’re carrying a million stones and honestly, you would be anywhere but here if you had the chance.
there’s still a good 20 minutes left before class starts so you rest your head on the table and pray that you aren’t sick, you still have taehyung’s class today and it would be rude to cancel on only your fifth session with him.
just then, taehyung walks into the classroom, seemingly bustling with endless energy, surrounded by his friends who are just as bright and loud as he is, and with your head still on the table, you admire him. he’s wearing this red hoodie today and his hair looks very soft beneath, a quick thought that he looks perfect to cuddle comes to you and you want to slam your head on the table to stop thinking about him.
he suddenly glances around the room, as if he’s looking for someone and you try to lift your head from the table to look away but you feel way too weak to do anything so he catches your gaze, his face breaking into a huge grin as he waves at you gleefully, you slowly wave back, mentally wanting to disappear.
and you think that’s it, he will go to his seat and you will have to finish this class while looking like you’re going to die any minute.
but you were so wrong.
as soon as your hand drops back on the table, taehyung starts walking towards you, where his usual seat is definitely not there and stands right beside you with a worried look on his face.
“oh, hey” you try to cover your face a little more with your hoodie and your heart gets caught in your throat when taehyung pulls a chair to sit right by your side. you look like crap right now and the last person you need seeing you like this, is kim taehyung.
“you don’t look okay” he mutters with scrunched eyebrows and before you can say anything, he presses his hand to your forehead and your eyes go wide as he flips his hand and holds it there for a second.
“you’re literally burning, how long have you had a fever for?” he pulls his hand away and you finally feel like you can breathe again.
“i don’t know, woke up sick” you strain your answer, your head lulling back to fall on the bench, now that he’s confirmed you have a fever, you feel even sicker.
“come on, let’s go” taehyung gets up suddenly, gathering the books on your table and shoving them into your bag, then taking your backpack and his in one hand, looking at you expectantly.
“go where?” you frown up at him, class is going to begin in 10 minutes now, where could you possibly go without missing it?
“i’ll take you home” your mouth drops open at his words.
“but class is going to start” you try to reason but get interrupted with your own cough and he only looks more concerned.
“you shouldn’t care about class with a fever like that” he scolds lightly, taking your wrist and helping you up to stand, and you almost fall down in a slump again if it weren’t for him holding you.
maybe you are sicker than you thought.
“what will we even tell the professor?” you almost shout at him as he pulls you towards the back exit of the classroom, and when the two of you are out, he checks to see if there’s anyone else in the hallway and turns to you with a coy smile.
“who said we’re telling them?” is the last thing he says to you before he ducks and runs, pulling you with him but you don’t stop him or complain anymore, you know that it’s not only because you’re sick everywhere, maybe the thought of skipping classes shouldn’t have excited your tired body that much but the thought of skipping classes with taehyung made your body flush in new-found energy.
so, you let him pull you all the way out of campus, ducking here and there when you see a teacher or person in charge, giggling at each other with wide eyes only to shush each other the next second whenever there was a narrow escape, whispering your address to him part-by-part and him having to support your sick body from time to time.
even if it was wrong, and something you promised to yourself that you would never do, skipping classes with taehyung, with his hand securely around your waist (that had goosebumps trailing on your skin), even just as an acquaintance to you, felt better than anything you’ve experienced in your life. hell, he didn’t even feel like an acquaintance anymore, whether it was because of your raging crush on him, or just taehyung being taehyung, you’re not sure.
the pure adrenaline in your body had you gasping for more, more of what?
you are not sure.
you two eventually make it to taehyung’s car in the parking lot. he gently pushes you into the passenger seat and slides into the driver’s seat, only to find you knocked out with your head on the window. and with one final look at your peaceful face, he drives away with a fond smile of his own. taehyung doesn’t know what he’s feeling either.
and the next time you open your eyes, you feel just as sick and it’s late afternoon and you’re in your bed, still in the clothes you wore to college, you sit up too quick, instantly whining at the throbbing in your head while looking around with confused eyes.
when did you even get home?
“oh good, you’re awake” taehyung emerges at your door, seemingly out of nowhere and you jump in your place, clutching at your heart as you look at him with a gulp.
“w-what are you doing here?” you ask as he stays at the entry to your room.
“you fell asleep in the car and i didn’t want to wake you so i found keys in your bag and brought you up here, i hope that’s alright” he looks nervous for the first time since you’ve met him as he waits for your reaction with pursed lips. he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable with the situation, he just couldn’t wake you when you were both sick and looking as cute as you did in your lilac hoodie.
“did you..carry me? all the way up here?” you mumble worriedly.
“of course, how else would i bring you?”
wow, he says it so simply.
“you really didn’t have to do all of that, i’m sorry if it was a lot of trouble, i really appreciate it, thank you taehyung” you say with disbelief clear in your voice and with your jaw slightly slackened because you really can’t think of anything but a mental image of taehyung having to carry you because your lazy ass fell asleep in his car and didn’t get up. and you really want to bury yourself six feet under.
“can i come in?” he asks, polite as ever and you don’t even think before nodding, he slowly walks inside, sitting right by the edge of your bed, maintaining distance between you as if he didn’t put you on the bed himself.
he reaches forward and puts his hand against your forehead, and you feel your breath being taken away just like the first time and he hums while pulling it away.
“it’s better than before but sleep for the rest of today” he instructs you and gets up from the bed, you don’t want him to leave. something in you wants to make taehyung stay by your side but you don’t have anything that will make him stay so you just watch him walk himself out of your room.
“i got a few pills, they’re in your kitchen, you shouldn’t move around right now but take them once you get up, and don’t worry about it, i need my tutor to be healthy and well, don’t i?” he winks at the end of it as if to finally nail your heart to him only and then turns to leave with a loud goodbye and a wave of his hand.
you go to the kitchen after he leaves and just like he said, pills for headache and body aches are spread out on your tiny dinner table, along with packets of instant soup. you feel overwhelmed because even people who are close to you, have never done so much for you and taehyung did, taehyung did all this after just meeting you a few times.
and you’re left, head in hands, with so much to process that you don’t know where to begin.
-
taehyung never came late to your tutor sessions or waste too much time, sure he still fooled around, his favorite thing to do being constantly taking your glasses off you and playing with them whenever he gets too bored or snatching your books away and forcing you to talk about anything that was not related to your studies.
you still felt bashful the first day you met after the whole sick episode, but he didn’t even bring it up, just continued with everything like it didn’t even happen which you were grateful for, though a little disappointed, because that is the most anyone has ever done for you and you wanted to thank him properly even if he said that lunch at his favorite place would suffice for him. but you were also sure that you would end up accidentally confessing to him if you brought it up. so, you just never brought it up either.
you talked a lot, mostly about things that had nothing to do with subject but you enjoyed them, taehyung valued and respected your opinions, actually listened to you when you talked so you were comfortable to be not as quiet as you usually are, still shy but holding a conversation as much as you could and taehyung would pick up anything you left, starting a whole new conversation with whatever, you handed him.
it wasn’t hard for your crush on him to only escalate further, not when he looked as good as he did from a side angle, it was honestly unfair that he looked stunning with a simple shirt and trousers. he looked good in anything, and what he looked like during your studying sessions, was something you always daydreamed about.
like right now.
“are you even listening to me?” a hand waves in front of your face, and you jerk in your place, quickly sitting up straight.
maybe you shouldn’t daydream about him when he’s beside you.
“um of course, i was” you lie easily with a firm nod to make it further believable but taehyung is sadly too good at detecting honesty or lack thereof. so, when he continues to stare at you, a way of making you say it yourself, you can do nothing but oblige.
“alright, i didn’t listen to you, what were you talking about?” with your admittance, taehyung leans back in his chair with a smirk.
“what is it?” you urge him once again and he shrugs.
“you know, we started with art history, right?”
“yeah, we’ve almost covered everything, at least i think so” you tilt your head as you mumble those words, reaching for your planner where all the topics are written, and you start looking through them to see which ones you still have to cover.
then the planner is snatched from your hands, and you follow the planner with a whine, bending over your chair to reach it and it isn’t until you feel someone way too close to you that you pause to see your position. you are half leaned over his chair and one wrong move could end up with you on top of him, you immediately sit back in your chair, tightening your fingers on your cardigan and frantically pushing your glasses up.
taehyung, thankfully doesn’t look uncomfortable, maybe a little shocked with how wide his eyes were but that was it, he quickly recovers and gives an easy smile.
“i have a test tomorrow” why is he smiling about that? doesn’t he hate tests? you quirk an eyebrow as his smile only grows bigger.
“how do you think it will go?”
“about that, if i do well, don’t you think that, as my tutor, you owe me something, a reward of sorts?”
so, that is why he’s smiling so big.
normally you would refuse blatantly and move on, but you can never say no to taehyung and you want to at least hear him out before you turn him down.
“if you do well” you emphasize and he waves his hand like he isn’t worried about that, but you are worried about what he would ask of you.
“come to a party with me” his request is simple enough.
and you’ve been to parties, only to completely hate it unless you got drunk enough to forget it all the next morning. though it has been quite a while since you’ve been to one.
a party with taehyung? taehyung, who probably knew every single person in the room while you don’t know anyone at all?
“only if you get an A” is your predicament, taehyung has improved a lot but not enough to get an A which is why your predicament is perfect, you’re not saying no but you’re not saying yes either.
but taehyung looks confident, with a light shrug to your rule like it didn’t mean anything at all, it only scares you a little bit that maybe your rule will be useless at the end.
“i’ll let you know when i get the grade”
-
“i got an A!” comes taehyung’s cheerful voice through the phone and the first thing you feel is pride bloom through you because he must have worked so hard to get that A, you were sure it wasn’t easy at all for him and the second thing you feel is dread, because this means you have to go to the party now.
“you did great, taehyung” you sincerely reply and you hear his sigh of happiness which makes you smile too.
you’re happy that he’s happy.
“you know what this means right?” his words laced with cockiness that come from his first ever A.
“i’ll never leave you at the party, you can get as drunk as you want and i will be your ride” he says almost immediately after as if he knew that you were going to find some way to get out of this, and you internally groan because he’s made all the promises that could convince you.
and like mentioned before, you can never say no to taehyung.
“when is it?”
-
“you look great!” taehyung compliments you as soon as you get into his car and you feel yourself freeze at his good-natured comment, only being able to shyly nod at him.
but if you had to choose on who looks good here, it would definitely be taehyung.
he was wearing a fashionably torn t-shirt with a leather jacket and tight dark grey jeans which had you feeling even more flustered than usual, he was usually attractive but today, you were sure that he was planning to take someone home, it would be a shame if he didn’t. he hands you his pale blue hoodie to hold, saying he brought it if he ever needed a change and trusted you to keep it away from drinks that can stain it, gives you one last smile and drives away.
the party was roaring even from the outside, people littered around the lawn, holding their drinks and you could hear the music all booming under your feet, you nervously pulled on the hem of your black dress as you went closer to the addictive but disgusting smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies.
so many people.
taehyung gripped both your arms on the sides as you gripped his hoodie tight in your hold, and he walked behind you, silently guiding your steps and greeting people joyfully on the way, it was a shame that you could only hear his happy voice but not see him under these alluring lights, you were sure that he looked better than ever under these blue and purple lights that made everyone look untouchable and beautiful.
“who’s the girl, taehyung?” someone shouts at him and you keep your gaze steady, not even wanting to turn around to see who yelled it, you anxiously wait for taehyung’s answer.
“my tutor” he yells back with a grin and you assume that the person has gone when taehyung gets right back to pushing you two through the crowds, apparently not noticing how your shoulders immediately slouch at his answer and how you aren’t even walking anymore, just being pushed around by everyone.
and for the first time since you’ve met taehyung, you feel disappointed.
you know now that your growing crush on taehyung will only end in your heartbreak.
he could have said you were a friend, or even an acquaintance, he’s been in your apartment for fucks’ sake, you would have been okay with anything really but the way he described you just made you feel so…unimportant. like you held no significance in his life, just another person for him to forget as he goes to spread his arms around the rest of the waiting world.
and you can’t be mad at him because you know it’s true, you are just tutoring him, he’s only doing this because he has to and not because he wants to, and as soon as this obligation expires, so will your time with him.
“hey, you okay?” you feel him whisper against your ear, hands still tight around your arms and you’re suddenly too aware of how close you two are, it hurts, being this close to him and not being able to call him anyone special to you, hurts a lot more than you imagined.
so, you shake his grip off, if you aren’t important to him, you will make him nobody in your life as well. you have to.
“yeah, i’m fine, where are the drinks?” try as you might, your voice just didn’t carry the softness it always has and even if you tried to conceal your sour mood, it didn’t work because taehyung immediately raised his eyebrows but shows where the drinks are anyway. you walk away from him, not really bothered anymore that you didn’t know anyone here, you just wanted to do exactly what you planned for.
drink and forget.
because taehyung just handed you rejection on a silver platter.
and you can’t take it gracefully when he’s right beside you. so, you had to go away before you could remember all the things you liked about him that could keep you pining.
taehyung felt…weird? he didn’t understand why you suddenly stopped talking to him in that sweet tone that comes naturally to you, he also doesn’t understand why you’re walking away from him to fend for yourself in a party where you don’t know anyone, he doesn’t know if he has done something to upset you and he felt…guilty.
taehyung felt guilty for a reason he didn’t know.
and taehyung hated feeling guilty.
to shake his own weird feeling off, he disappears into the crowd, to find anything or anyone who can drown his guilt away.
after a few shots of straight vodka, you find that you are not getting drunk at all, it’s either your overwhelming emotions that keep you from completely losing it or just your high tolerance.
it sucks because no drink is stronger in this place, you want to go home, you want to go back to when you didn’t come to this party where taehyung called you nothing to him. while he didn’t say that exactly, he definitely implied it. just then, you see him approaching you with a girl on his arm, no surprise there and you almost rolled your eyes at how predictable he could be.
“we’re playing this game; thought you would like to join?” taehyung trails off.
how nice of him to include his charity case for the game, you bitterly think to yourself but get up to go with him anyway, you can’t leave until he decides to go so you might as well play some game instead of wasting more alcohol that does nothing for you. so, you hop out of your seat and walk to him, greeting the girl next to him, you can be bitter to him but not to this girl who’s done nothing, she smiles back and then you’re leaving the kitchen.
you don’t say anything as you walk behind him into a living room where people sit in a circle, it’s noisy, there’s a bottle in the middle and you hate that you know what’s going on here.
it looks like a recreation of your middle school birthday party.
taehyung sits down, patting the spot next to him, and you look around to see if there’s place anywhere else but with nowhere else, you sit down beside him and the girl who he has with earlier is not around you anymore. he still looks at you, confused as ever and once you get comfortable in your position, he takes his hoodie from your hands and covers your bare legs with it which has you looking away with a red face.
he was making it so hard to get over him.
by the time you look back at the circle, it starts slowing down and your jaw drops open when it falls on you and taehyung.
everyone starts cheering at the bottle claiming its very first victims, and you never feel more out of place with people you don’t even know cheering you on to kiss taehyung and as for taehyung, he has a huge smile on his face which has you squinting with confusion at him. he calmly takes the hoodie from your lap, lifting it and pausing when he sees your face.
“trust me?” he whispers to you; his voice is almost drowned out in the loud music and people around you but you still hear it.
you shouldn’t trust him, you don’t want to but you don’t have a choice in this room full of unfamiliar people, so you just give him a meek nod which no one else notices.
then he drops the hoodie over the top of your heads, your bodies moving closer on their own accord, his palm now resting on your bare thigh and you’re face to face with the man you can’t get over no matter what you do. the heavy hoodie resting on your heads forces them closer as well, you can feel his breath on your cheek and he smells addictive this close, like cologne and pure sin with candy on his breath.
will he kiss you?
taehyung doesn’t say anything, just looks at you like he’s trying to figure you out, like he needs to figure you out, for the first time, he doesn’t look as confident, he doesn’t look full of life, just looks at you with such vulnerability like he’ll give you his heart if you stay under for too long, and your nerves and body are too frozen to even dare to look back at him.
after a few seconds which really felt like eternity, he pulls the hoodie from on top of your heads, the cold rush of air pushing you two apart, baring you to the waiting people in the room who roar and cheer louder than ever when taehyung smirks at them, you know that he’s just doing it for show, he didn’t actually end up doing anything at all even if you wished hard that he would.
but then you feel eyes on you, speculating, judging, confused eyes all over you because who are you and why did kim taehyung pull you under a hoodie when he usually just kisses people in front of everyone? you hate the attention, you hate the amusement at your flushed state in them, and you can do nothing but revert your gaze to the floor.
“stop making her uncomfortable and spin the bottle already” an annoyed voice emerges from the crowd and you snap your head to look at where it came from, to see a girl who glares at the people staring at you, they quickly look away at her words, reverting their attention back to the game, and when she catches your gaze, you send her a grateful look and she smiles back at you.
and you feel better.
then you’re reminded of the man beside you, who covers your legs once again with his hoodie and you feel your face heating up all over as you replay the events that happened a few minutes ago.
that was so intimate.
you pull at the hoodie resting on your lap, trying not to think of how much more gorgeous taehyung looked up close, losing all interest in the game still being played around you, you also feel slightly insulted that taehyung would do all that but not kiss you, you know that he wouldn’t kiss you but it was embarrassing to be so close and not do anything at all.
did you repel him that much?
“let’s get you another drink” taehyung mutters, getting up from his sitting position and dusting his jeans off.
“game’s not over” you point to the still spinning bottle in the middle and he shrugs.
“i don’t wanna play it anymore” you don’t either, so you leave the circle as well, more people replacing your seats as quick as lightning. taehyung hands you a drink once you get into the kitchen and no words are exchanged between you two as you stand against the counter, sipping your drink and him on the other end of the counter, not even drinking anything, just looking into empty space.
the silence is suffocating, it’s new for the two of you, especially new to you because taehyung never seems to shut up but he isn’t uttering a word.
“is that kim taehyung?” comes a loud, dare you say annoying voice with a chuckle from the entry of the kitchen, taehyung quickly stands upright and gives a bright smile.
“hey man, it’s been a while” they give each other a side hug as the guy lazily smiles at taehyung.
“last i saw you, was at the studio with min yoongi and someone else” the guy starts to think and taehyung visibly tenses up at the mention of a studio and your interest is peaked, because taehyung has never mentioned a studio to you.
“it was probably namjoon hyung” taehyung answers the guy and he nods in recognition.
“you guys are still doing that music shit? i thought you would give up after a week, my man” your mouth drops open at the rude tone of the guy, he’s clearly patronizing taehyung who freezes in his spot, his usual smile immediately dropping from his face and you are the only one in the room who notices how tight his fists are by his arms.
it’s also the first time you’ve seen taehyung without his usual grin. you don’t like it; you don’t like this guy either.
taehyung isn’t a confrontational person nor is he someone who gets into a fight easily, for as long as you have known him, before and after tutoring him, one thing you know for sure is that taehyung avoids fights, not because he will lose but because he would much rather just enjoy his time instead of wasting it on people who don’t deserve it.
“i mean, come on, what do you guys even know about music to do it? just finish your degree like the rest of us and get a proper job, music won’t keep you alive in the real world” the guy says it like he’s doing taehyung a favor, like his advice would save taehyung’s life and taehyung just stands stiff, clearly upset.
“taehyung, can we leave?” you interrupt the conversation and both heads turn to look at you, you don’t know anything about taehyung and his music but you don’t want him to deal with this guy anymore either. taehyung immediately nods at you, looking relieved.
“now, who is she?” the guys lifts his eyebrow at you with a smirk, raking his eyes over you shamelessly.
“you don’t need to know, you fucking prick” you dead pan at him, even surprising yourself with your harsh tone and taehyung snorts at the guys annoyed face, walking to you and guiding you out of there with a hand on your lower back. you snapped because not only has this night been overwhelming, you also just can’t stand people as ridiculous as him, how dare he say anything about taehyung at all.
taehyung would be the biggest liar if he said that he didn’t find that hot, he knows how much you would prefer being away from people and situations like that and he almost expected you to just stand and watch but the second you talked back to the guy for him, taehyung has had this overwhelming sense of ego take over him because you wouldn’t do that for anyone but you did it for him.
and as he keeps looking at you, taehyung realizes there’s a lot that you do for him, that you don’t do for anyone else, you snuck out of a class for him, he knows that rules are something you stick to but you let them go for him, you went to lunch with a practical stranger for him, something you would never do with another classmate, you came to this party for him and if it weren’t for how nervous you looked under that hoodie, taehyung would have kissed you, there’s nothing else he’s wanted to do more.
thinking about all of this means only one thing to him, taehyung likes you, more than a friend ever will, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you as just a friend, not when your head lulled back and forth and fell on his shoulders the day he carried you to your apartment, taehyung doesn’t worry about a lot but he was worried about how sick you were and when he contemplated kissing you every single time you met up to study, taehyung knows he’s been a goner for you.
taehyung likes you, he wants to be with you and not have boundaries, he wants to see you let loose fully, he wants you to kiss him whenever you want to and his hand around your waist tightens at his realization.
after becoming aware of the hand on you which carefully weaves you through the crowd, you quickly move away from his touch, walking through the crowds by yourself, and taehyung follows you with an evident frown on his face.
he just thought you two are alright but he’s proven wrong with the distance that gets further between you two and he can’t help the disappointment flooding his chest. and again, guilt, the guilt that has stayed with him since you left him hanging at the door, why the guilt though? he doesn’t know.
you get into his car with a sigh, already relieved that this night will be over soon and you can just ignore everything from tomorrow and taehyung doesn’t drive away, sits there with his hands on his lap and a grim expression. you look at him for a few minutes, you have a million questions about what that guy said, about whether it was true that taehyung does music but you bitterly remember your place in his life, a tutor, which is why you don’t end up asking anything.
“taehyung, we need to go” you remind him and he nods slowly, lifting his head to grip the steering wheel tightly and sighs once again, letting it go.
“do you have to go home?” he turns to you with anxiousness on his face that you don’t recognize, he almost looks desperate? lost even, if you had to describe.
“where else will we go?”
“can i take you somewhere?”
“it’s my apartment, i have to show you something, i’ll drop you as soon as we’re done there, i promise” and when it looks like you’re going to refuse, taehyung immediately adds this part and you are even more confused.
if you’re just someone tutoring him, why does he want you to come to his apartment?
“fine” you mutter and fall back on the seat, annoyed at yourself for not being able to say no to him even now and shut your eyes before you think too much about it.
-
“come in” taehyung moves out of the way and you walk into his apartment, it was just big enough for one person, and covered in beige and shades of autumnal colors that give it a warm feel.
“your home is pretty” the compliment leaves your lips before you can stop it and taehyung gives you a softer smile than the one he usually has.
“thank you”
upon further walking in, you see a messy living room with papers thrown around, a desk covered in similar papers and a computer with a music system sitting right in front of it.
bingo.
the obnoxious guy at the party definitely wasn’t lying about the music part.
when you turn around to see taehyung, he looks so much smaller than he normally does, he looks nervous, he’s fidgeting and playing with his fingers and it takes you completely off guard. you’ve never seen him like this.
“what did you want to show me?” you ask, not going any further into the apartment and standing with your arms crossed. he doesn’t utter a word as he walks over to you, pulls your folded arms apart and holds your hand which confuses you and fills you with warmth at the same time.
you can only stare at your intertwined hands as he pulls you forward.
what is happening?
you are only brought back to reality when he places you on the chair in front of the computer and you look back at him with a frown.
“it’s true, what the guy at the party said, i do make music and i didn’t want you to think that i don’t plan on telling you” he mutters from behind you with fiddling fingers and it feels satisfying that you are not the nervous one this time.
so, taehyung does do music and you are impressed, very impressed because you feel like it’s a very emotionally taxing process and takes a lot of bravery to actually spill your feelings into ink, you could never do it which is why it’s a hundred times more admirable to you.
“so, i wanted to play you one of my songs?” he says it in a question and you stay quiet, both grateful that he’s showing you his work and even more confused because again, he called you his tutor not even two hours ago, you don’t understand why he’s showing you all this.
“why are you showing me?” the question tumbles out of your mouth in a disappointed sigh.
“because i trust you” he answers simply, ignoring your widened eyes and looking through his computer, all while leaned over your shoulder, and no matter how many times this has happened, his body brushing against yours leaves you breathless.
he purses his lips as he presses play and you instinctively lean towards the computer as a soft song starts thrumming through the room.
“on my pillow can’t get me tired sharing my fragile truth that i still hope the door is open
‘cause the window opened one time with you and me now my forever’s falling down wondering if you’d want me now?
how could i know? one day i’d wake up feeling more but I had already reached the shore guess we were ships in the night night, night
we were ships in the night night, night.”
your mouth stays agape as you listen to taehyung’s voice, which is steady and deep and pushes all the way to your heart, and the song just feels so warm, like the beautiful end to a bright summer, there’s sadness but desperation more clearly written in the lyrics and you can’t believe that you’re sitting in front of the man who’s singing it.
“did you write this?” you ask quietly as the song continues to play and you see a nod from the corner of your eye and your admiration for taehyung grows ten-fold, as you listen to his voice in complete awe, if his voice is deep usually, it’s a lot deeper and more soulful when he’s singing. and whoever he’s singing this song for, you are jealous of them, you don’t know them but you’re jealous of them.
“do you like it?” he pauses the player before another song starts and how do you tell him that you might just be in love with him and everything about him?
“it was beautiful” you compliment, albeit a little bitter that it isn’t about you and taehyung looks a mixture of pleased and relieved at your words.
“who is it for?” you can’t help but ask him as you stay seated.
“no one, it’s just a story i’ve had on my mind” you sense only honesty in his words and it further impresses you that he can weave a story and put life and love into it.
“of two people in love?”
“of two people falling in love.” he corrects you and it dawns on you that a story of two people already in love would be a lot different than two people discovering and falling slowly but surely.
“did you have fun making the story?” now that you know about his music, you are only curious to know more about it and taehyung is more than happy to indulge you.
“it’s…different, making a story of two people, no one that you know, but giving them emotions, giving their emotions a journey and putting it into words in a proper way, it’s hard but i enjoy nothing else more.” you only listen to how taehyung describes songwriting because you still are in awe at how much passion he holds when he’s talking about music.
one out of many things that you loved about taehyung was that you could never just expect something to happen with him, he really played his own drum and did whatever he wanted to do, consequences are an afterthought to him, and it’s refreshing, it’s also so rare which is why you truly think he’s one of the most precious kind of people. like who would have known that the party would end this way?
“that’s very cool of you” you smile at him and he grins back, moving away from you to take his stuffy jacket off and you already miss being encompassed in his warmth. you get up from your seat, thinking that you will have to leave soon now that you have heard the song.
“should we go now?” you ask him, not actually wanting to leave but knowing you can’t stay either.
“there’s one thing left to do” he says with pursed lips, coming back to where you’re stood and you frown at him.
“what is it?” you question as he starts walking to you with determination in every step, taehyung doesn’t want to lose his courage before he reaches you.
“what?” you ask again, a little breathlessly this time, your breath getting uneven and the butterflies singing in every end of your nerves when he stands right in front of you, looking down on you while biting his lip slightly.
and his hand comes up to take your glasses off, you feel completely bare as he carelessly throws them to the side and then curls his fingers around your cheek. while smiling, he doesn’t give you an answer, just closes the distance between you two with a single, large step and pulls you to him with his hand firm on your waist.
“i hope you don’t mind” is his cheeky comment as he caresses your cheek once before he does what he couldn’t do at the party.
everything falls into place perfectly to you; your hands grip his thin t-shirt to stabilize yourself and his hands grab onto your skin like he will go insane if he doesn’t feel you. you are hot all over, your body shaking a little with the overflowing love and affection you throw into each pull of his lips. you gasp for breath once he lets you go a little, gazing into your eyes and you return a dazed look of your own, but you aren’t given a break when he pulls you back in again, chasing after you like you will run away if he lets you go for too long.
but taehyung doesn’t have to worry, you aren’t going anywhere.
and frankly, you don’t mind this at all.
-
the rest of the night is just taehyung playing you more songs and a lot of kissing, neither of you confessing but kissing each other like your life depended on it and if taehyung doesn’t like you the way you do, you don’t think you will ever be able to move on from his addicting scent and touch.
you toss and turn on taehyung’s bed, you ended up staying after he insisted in between kisses and you were too weak and lost in the moment to refuse, he ended up sleeping on the couch and that gave you plenty of time to think about last night. you got up way too early and after freshening up, you just couldn’t face him, you didn’t know how to so you stayed in his room.
what did it even mean to him?
was it just one of those kisses you blame on too much alcohol?
you groan and stuff your face into a pillow as you resist the urge to scream, if you were confused before, you simply don’t have a clue anymore, the line between friendship and relationship between you and him was so blurred, you don’t even know if it existed anymore.
and if he was going to kiss you, why make you feel so insignificant at the beginning?
“you really shouldn’t think so much this early into the day” you jump when you hear taehyung’s amused voice at the door, he looks just as gorgeous as always even in the morning.
“i blame you for it” you retort as you sit up, he falls on his bed while stretching, letting out a loud yawn and you smile at him, you like waking up to him.
“i told you i will take the couch” you tell him with slight guilt as he continues to stretch his sore body.
“that’s fine, next time we’ll just sleep together” he looks up at you with a smirk and you turn stark red at the suggestive tone, reaching for the pillow behind you and throwing it on his face, letting out a loud laugh when he lets out a yelp of pain.
“speaking of that” you purse your lips as he stops stretching and looks at you with his usual bright smile which flutters your heart just like the first time.
“what are we?” you ask him, gesturing between you two, the question lays heavily in the a
Word Count: 5,885 // angst (toxic relationship, friends to lovers, yandere behavior, possessiveness, jealousy, mention of physical harm, mention of neglect), smut (rough sex/slight dub-con, fingering, omorashi, asphyxiation, forced creampie), no fluff
Childhood friend!Taehyung X Childhood friend!Reader
Summary: You and Taehyung were inseparable once. When you come back to your hometown after three years, fate pulls you back to him. And this time, Taehyung won’t ever keep his eyes off of you.
Ablaze: Amongst an insuperable realm of flames, dwelled another king; his throne rested atop a mountain, of ashes. In his isolated mind was a fortress of pristine perfection, and his means of fulfilling this pinnacle meant blazing a path of fire. There were few who opposed his rule, for the slightest misstep lead to incineration.To him, his power was limitless bounded only by the constraints of fire. Thus, he feared only one thing, water…
I know It’s short, I’m sorry, I’ve been dealing with some things at home. I haven’t had a chance to edit this because I just really wanted to get it out. Tomorrow morning I’ll edit it! Thank you for all the love and support, I love you.
______________
Classes soon started and for a little over a week, you didn’t see much of your roommate or his friends. The few times you had run into them had been brief and barely more than a “hey,” before someone was rushing out the door or to a class.
You’d also learned pretty quick just how well known the trio was, although to you, their popularity didn’t quite add up because they didn’t really do anything. At least not that you’d seen.
You were lounged under a tree in one of the courtyards with the two friends you’d managed to make, when the topic of Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook came up.
“Man, look at them. Their life seems so easy!” Gabriel, your lanky red-headed friend groaned, his words saturated with jealousy.
You paused reviewing your notes, glancing up to follow his gaze to the three men that had just walked out of one of the lounge areas. Nothing they were doing was any different from the dozen other students scattered around the courtyard, so you looked to your friend quizzically.
“It does?”
Your second friend, Cody, piped up, “Yes! Look at them! They’re so handsome, rich, and everyone around them loves them!”
You didn’t really understand how that made studying, passing tests, and generally living college life easy, but for all you knew, it could.
“Oh,” your interest ended there and you returned to your notes.
Conversation died down after that, everyone resuming their studies. A good ten minutes of comfortable silence passed before something happened.
“Want a bite?” You, Cody, and Gabriel all jumped at the unexpected presence as a piece of sushi was held in front of you, Jimin’s recognizable ringed fingers expertly holding it with chopsticks.
You leaned to the side, turning your head back to look at the man crouched behind you. His blonde hair was brushed back, highlighting the earrings dangling from his ears, and with the way the sweater he wore hung loosely on his frame, you weren’t entirely convinced it was his.
You managed to shake your head at his offer, too scared to open your mouth for fear you would stutter. He pouted at your denial and as if it was a reflex to his disappointment, your mouth dropped open. Grinning, he shoved the sushi slice into your mouth before you had a chance to change your mind.
Gauging your reaction as you slowly chewed, he smiled blindingly.
“It’s good, right?” He encouraged a response so you nodded. You couldn’t remember the last time you had sushi.
A clearing of the throat grabbed your attention and you turned to your friends. They both looked at you with wide, questioning eyes.
Your ears got hot and you reached for your water bottle to wash down the bite of food. You almost choked when Jimin made himself comfortable next to you, giving the others with you a nod, his expression neutral. Polite.
Gabriel and Cody were all too excited to introduce themselves, no doubt hoping to get in Jimin’s friend circle. The three boys chatted for a bit, but Jimin didn’t seem particularly interested in what they were saying and you were suddenly much too shy for casual conversation. A common occurrence when Jimin, Taehyung, or Jungkook were involved.
Eventually, Taehyung and Jungkook wandered over as well — much to Gabriel and Cody’s delight. Your hands became clammy as you avoided their gazes, eyes repeatedly scanning over the same paragraph in your notes but not retaining any information.
After that, word got out that you were Taehyung’s roommate and people seemed to think that meant you were somehow super close with the three men, which was not true.
“What are they like? You know, behind the scenes.” You were asked, having been cornered after class by a few peers.
“Uh-I, I’m not sure?”
“Can I come over to yours?”
“I don’t think that’s…” You struggled to find words.
“We should be friends!”
“A-alright.”
“Do you want to grab lunch with-”
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” You abruptly cut off, hating the amount of attention that was on you. Ducking away, you rushed back to your dorm room.
When you reached your dorm, you were overjoyed to find it unoccupied. You’d met your quota of human interaction for the week and planned to stay in the dorm until your next class on Monday. You were excited because you found that on the weekends, Taehyung & Company were nowhere to be found.
Dumping your belongings onto your bed, you dug around in your bag for your notebook and laptop. Taking a seat at the shared desk between yours and Taehyung’s bed, you buckled down and did your homework.
It took a few hours, but eventually, all your work was finished and you were able to just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. First, though, you wanted to take a shower.
Gathering all your necessary belongings, you slipped into the bathroom and began our shower routine.
About 45 minutes later, you were out and getting ready to get dressed, only to realize you must’ve dropped your underwear on the floor.
Peaking your head out the door, your eyes searched the room to make sure it was still empty. It was. You stepped out, your hair in a towel, clothes in hand, eyeing the floor for your underwear.
Furrowing your brow, you became confused when you didn’t see them. You were sure you’d grabbed a pair.
Standing in the center of the room, you turned around for one last once over of the room. You did a double-take, noticing what looked suspiciously like your underwear in the little space between the end of your bed and the chest.
You didn’t even get the chance to make a move towards them before the door swung wide open…
The two’s argument, that lasted all the way back to the dorms, luckily came to an end when their attention was diverted by a group of men walking by. You concluded that Jungkook and Jimin were on very good terms with the group because they stopped helping unpack the car, wandered over, and began a very animated conversation with the group. Well, Jimin was animated, Jungkook was noticeably calmer.
Although you were relieved to once again be a part of the background, you were nervous to go back to your room without them. You didn’t know if Taehyung would be there and you weren’t quite ready to face him alone yet. You knew your fear was irrational — he was your dorm-mate, you’d have to face him at some point.
Stuffing two pillows under your arms, you struggled to collect all the bags in your hands. The lack of muscle on your thin and lanky frame proved an issue as you attempted to lift everything out of the trunk. Determined, you successfully heaved it out and trudged to the door. Using your elbow, you bumped the handicap button and the doors slowly swung open. Making your way to the elevator, the weight of everything making you waddle somewhat, you again used your elbow to try and press the button. After your third unsuccessful attempt, you huffed and set down all the bags, stuffing one of the pillows between your legs and angrily jabbed at the stubborn ‘up’ arrow. You glared at the steel doors in wait.
“Ellliee!” You heard him complain moments before he draped himself over you.
Never in your life had someone made you as uncomfortable as Jimin. Most men were put off by you — your soft features and smaller build making them fear their sexual orientation being questioned. A stupid fear, because so what? But they feared it all the same. Jimin, of course, being twice as beautiful as you had no reason to fear this. Not to mention, nothing and no one seemed to deter him and he acted like everyone was his best friend. It wouldn’t surprise you if everyone was his best friend.
Now, you didn’t exactly dislike him, but he definitely put you on edge. From what you’d learned in the hours you’d known him was that he was very touchy-feely. Always hanging off someone as if he lacked the ability to hold himself up. He was too comfortable and you were nevercomfortable.
Gently shrugging him off, so as not to hurt his feelings, you bent down to resituate the pillow back under your arm. As you began picking the bags back up, the distinct ding of the elevator met your ears.
Helping you out, almost absentmindedly, Jimin grabbed half the bags and stepped confidently into the small metal box. Making a move to follow his lead, you jumped when his head popped back out.
“Guess he’s taking the stairs,” he laughed when he didn’t see Jungkook. You didn’t comment.
As the doors closed and you slowly began to rise up, you can’t help it as your eyes trail to the man next to you. His attention is on whatever is on his phone screen, leaving you with the opening to admire his beauty. His jawline was surprisingly sharp, contradicting his otherwise soft facial features, rings adorned almost all of his fingers and you wondered if it was painful to hold the bags.
“Is Taehyung going to be there?” The words came out before you could properly think them through.
Luckily Jimin didn’t seem to think much of it as he shrugged, “I doubt it. I think he wants to avoid you about as much as you want to avoid him.”
You tried not to flush at his words, embarrassment coursing through you. Were you really that see-through?
Thankfully the arrival of your floor saved you from having to respond.
Unlocking your respective door, you dropped everything off by the bed.
“Ready to go?” Jimin asked, almost impatiently.
Just the thought of seeing Taehyung again had your stomach rolling, making you feel ill. He was scary.
“Actually, I think I’m gonna stay here and unpack,” you motioned back to your stuff.
Before Jimin could argue, Jungkook came in, unannounced.
“You didn’t hold the elevator,” he glared at Jimin.
You shrunk back under his stare, there was no way you were going out with them now, especially with Jungkook upset.
“More importantly, you don’t want to come and eat with us?” Jimin seemed genuinely offended as he turned to frown at you and you suddenly felt the pressing urge to take back your words, just to please him and return his smile.
Jungkook sobered up, “You don’t want to come?”
“I-I,” you felt like puking. It’d been a long time since you’d been this nervous.
“How can you not want to go? Le Fabricant de Pain has the best food in the world!” Jimin continued and Jungkook nodded in agreement.
“Did you do something?” He accused Jimin.
Jimin looked affronted, “No!”
“Please ignore Jimin, he has no respect for personal boundaries,” Jungkook apologized sincerely, for the first time all day looking genuinely annoyed with Jimin.
“I didn’t!” He insisted, hesitating for a second before looking at you. “Did I?”
You looked back and forth between the two.
“You guys should really go,” you said with a hint of finality, resisting the urge to wring your fingers. What you’d really meant was ‘You guys should really go eat without me’ but the words had gotten stuck in your throat and in turn come out of your mouth much too harshly.
They both looked visibly taken aback, not expecting your tone.
Jimin sobered, leaving the room without another word. Jungkook hesitated before following after him.
Shutting the door behind them, you let out a sigh of relief. It felt good to be alone again, almost euphoric after the stressful morning you’d had.
Methodically, you began to unpack your things, willfully falling into a calm state.
*****
*Taehyung’s POV (ish)*
The morning sun glared too brightly through the restaurant window, aggravating the painful throbbing in his head. The fact that Jungkook and Jimin were late only furthered his bristling annoyance. Briefly, he wondered if his new roomie would be tagging along.
Elliot Wiley, 19, born in Quincy, Illinois. 4.0 average, received a scholarship to St. Helena’s University. He mentally ran over everything he knew about the man he now shared a room with.
Man. He almost scoffed. Boy fit his character much more.
A firm clap on Taehyung’s back broke him from his thoughts. Immediately, he noticed the change in Jimin’s mood, his normal bubbly attitude considerably dampened as he sat across from Taehyung without a word.
Taehyung looked at Jungkook accusingly as he sat beside him, “What happened?”
Jungkook shrugged, “Elle told us to leave, Chim is upset,” he explained.
Taehyung raised his brows. Elliot didn’t strike him as the kind of person to say no to anyone, much less ask them to leave him alone. And as much as Elliot didn’t seem like one to say no, Jimin didn’t like to be told no. His mood was expected under the circumstances.
“Does he know you call him that?” He asked, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned back into his chair and took a sip from his iced tea.
“Call him what?” Jungkook had already moved on from the conversation and turned his attention to the menu, even though Taehyung knew he was going to get what he always got. The only thing that ever changed was his drink order.
“Elle.”
“Yes. It fits him better, don’t you think?” Jungkook responded, not looking up.
Taehyung hummed thoughtfully.
……
You walked out of the bathroom in clean clothing, towel drying your freshly washed hair, and jumped a little when an unexpected knock sounded at the door. Curiously, you cracked open the door. Standing on the other side were two overly excited females. You held back a grimace and instead forced a smile, opening the door a little more. They both looked a little startled at your appearance, but it didn’t deter them.
“Yes?” You urged, brows raised.
“Hey, i-is Taehyung Kim here?” One asked. She had bright magenta hair that complemented her caramel skin tone nicely. Not that you would ever tell her and risk focusing her attention on you.
You shook your head, “He’s out with some friends,” you made sure your words were vague enough that no one could be mad at you for spilling beans.
The girls simultaneously drooped and you almost smirked. It was much easier to be amused by pining girls when it wasn’t directed at you.
“Do you know when they’ll be back?” The second girl questioned hopefully. She was much shorter than her friend, looking like she barely stood at 5’0.
“I do not,” You feigned sympathy.
“Okay,” Purple hair sighed, discouraged.
After a few moments of silence, you piped up, “Was there something else? I can pass along a message,” please don’t make me pass along a message.
“No…” Shortie blushed, refusing to look you in the eye.
“Okie-dokie, have a good day,” you waved, quickly closing the door so as not to give them any more chances to talk.
Sighing, you swan dove onto your bed with a huff. Everything from the shopping trip had been unpacked, you just needed to wash the sheets before she could make the bed.
Standing back up, you gathered everything you needed and headed to the dorm laundromat.
***
Three hours later, you were laying down on your clean bedding, nose deep in a fat book. You tensed, though, when you heard muffled voices outside the door and from what you could make out, most of it was not in English.
You almost didn’t recognize Jimin’s voice as he came barging into the room, Taehyung commenting something back, following him into the room, but you couldn’t understand any of it. You were frozen, your book clenched tightly in front of your face.
Another response was thrown, followed by what was definitely Jimin’s laugh.
“I don’t know why I’m friends with you,” Taehyung grumbled in English and you could hear someone sit on the bed across from yours.
“Ellie!” You barely had time to brace herself before Jimin jumped on you.
“Oof!” You wheezed, not prepared for a grown man to pounce on you.
“Nice Chim, two times in a day,” Jungkook teased carefully, but you couldn’t see anything past the curly locks and blue eyes that stared down at you.
“Hello,” you breathed, still a bit in shock.
He grinned, teeth showing proudly, “Hey”
“You’re a bit heavy,” you whispered, trying to gently push him off you.
“And you’re a bit bone-y!” He laughed, rolling off you and onto the mattress beside you. Your breath hitched at his words, but just like that, his attention was back on the other two boys.
“He’s going to get annoyed at you again,” Jungkook gently advised, sitting next to Taehyung and for the first time that you’d encountered, Jimin hesitated and looked at you warily.
“I’m not annoyed,” you assured, offering an uncomfortable smile. Jimin relaxed immediately, crashing back into the mattress.
“What are you reading?” He asked and you had to resist flinching when he leaned so close that you could feel his breath on you. You immediately handed him the book, hoping he’d back up. Jungkook started a quiet conversation with Taehyung, threatening to divert your attention to them.
“Inheritance,” you finally answered, although you knew it was pointless because he was already flipping through the pages.
“Eragon is the first book, right?” He asked, unexpectedly interested.
“Yeah,” you smiled more genuinely, pushing yourself upright so that you were sitting and subtly scooting further from his warm body. You were especially uncomfortable at the desire coursing through you to move closer to his warmth.
“Do you recommend the series?” He wondered, his eyes alight with curiosity. You nodded numbly, not sure what to say.
“It’s good,” you finally got out.
He nodded, handing you the book back and resting his head on his arm. He started absentmindedly fiddling with your comforter, looking exhausted and you recalled him mentioning that Taehyung hadn’t gotten much sleep and you wondered if he, too, hadn’t slept. You’d initially written it off as goofing off and too much partying, but the melancholy look in his eye had you second guessing that assumption.
“Jimin, if you’re going to sleep, take out your contacts.” Taehyung suddenly commented, cutting off Jungkook in the middle of whatever he’d been talking about.
Sleep?! It was your bed! He couldn’t possibly be so bold…could he?
Before Jimin could respond, you shuffled down the bed, hopping off the end and making an escape to the small bathroom. You were in there for a good ten minutes, staring at yourself in the mirror, wracking your brain for what to say, what to do. You’d never been in this situation before, never been around people quite so shameless.
Finally flushing the toilet (even though you hadn’t used it), you washed your hands and crept back into the room. It seemed whilst you were in the bathroom, everyone had settled in. Taehyung was laying on his back, phone in his hand, Jungkook was sat beside Taehyung, on his laptop (that you had noticed on his bedside table earlier) and Jimin was out cold on your bed, leaving you at a loss as to what to do. He wasn’t taking up a lot of space, hardly any in fact, but you were still hesitant to return onto your bed.
You didn’t understand why your body and mind was reacting the way it was, you’d been around men your entire life! Men were usually a comfort zone for you, so why did these three cause your heart to race and your mind to get muddled? Sure, Taehyung had snapped at you one time, but that didn’t explain how you felt about the other two.
Taehyung must’ve noticed your hesitation because he spoke up.
“I can move him,” he offered, shocking you. Jungkook glanced up curiously before returning his attention to whatever he’d been doing.
Taking in Jimin’s peaceful expression, you just couldn’t bring yourself to ask Taehyung to disturb him.
Could this possibly be what it was like to have friends? Friends shared things, right? Friends slept over. For fucks sake you were rooming with someone now, you should get used to having people over.
“No, it’s alright,” you mumbled, very carefully climbing over Jimin, picking your book up and continuing where you left off.
The hours passed in a blur as you were sucked into the land of dragons and monsters. You didn’t even notice Jungkook leave or Taehyung fall asleep. It wasn’t until the light coming through the window became too dim to read with that you realized what time it was.
Biting your lip, you gave yourself a moment to gather the courage to wake Jimin up.
“Hey,” you whispered, gently shaking his shoulder.
No response. You tried again.
“Jimin, wake up,” you still kept your volume low, not particularly wanting to wake up Taehyung.
This time, Jimin gave a response, rolling over. Your heart jumped in panic when he rolled towards the edge of the bed and you thoughtlessly grabbed at his waist in an attempt to catch him before you fell.
Of course, because the man weighed twice as much as you, he took you both over the edge.
“Shit!” You hissed as you felt gravity take you both down and winced as you landed on top of him. The petty part of you absently called karma for jumping on you, but you were quick to brush the thought away.
You both let out a groan, but he actually started laughing quietly.
You looked down at him in confusion.
“You didn’t have to body slam me to the ground, or is this revenge for this morning? I didn’t take you for vindictive,” he chuckled with a wince as he brought his hand up to rub the back of his head.
You quickly scrambled off him, “N-no! Of course not!”
He sat up slowly, taking in his surroundings and your eyes widened at his brown ones before you remembered Taehyung telling him to take out his contacts. Habitually, you copied Jimin and did a once over of your surroundings, doing a double take when you saw Taehyung’s head resting on the edge of his bed, one eye peeking up at you.
If you want to be tagged, please send an ask, it’s easier to make sure I’ve got everyone! Lemme know what you think! As always, it keeps me going :D
You were jerked awake by the ceiling light being suddenly flipped on. Squinting, you rolled onto your back, gazing around in confusion.
Glaring at you, a storm brewing in his eyes, was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. His hair was dark and wavy, falling into his anger-filled eyes and you wondered if he was a god. It took you entirely too long to stop staring and realize it was just your roommate.
“Move your shit” he growled, aggressively kicking your bags closer to your bed. It dawned on you that he must’ve tripped over them when he got up to use the bathroom. It had been so dark when you’d arrived that you hadn’t realized just how far away from your bed you’d placed them.
“I’m so sorry!” You gasped, sitting up and reaching over to pull them onto the bed. He just huffed and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
You squeezed your eyes closed in regret and fell back onto the bed, completely embarrassed, “I’m such an idiot.”
By the time he came back out, you were rolled back onto your side, facing the wall and pretending to be asleep. You wanted to avoid his confrontation for as long as possible.
You heard him roughly shut the light off and crawl back into his bed. You waited, counting the seconds that turned into minutes before rolling onto your back and staring up at the ceiling. The moon shining through the window cast haunting shadows across the room and although you hadn’t expected it, the presence of your roommate actually made you feel better. You weren’t facing the shadows alone. With that thought, your eyes drifted shut.
***
“Wake up sunshine!” You barely had time to open your eyes before a figure landed right on top of you, a feral grunt escaping your lips at their weight.
“Oh shit!” They exclaimed when they realized.
“Chim?” Someone else questioned, flipping on the light. You shied away as the person scrambled to get off you.
“Apparently Tae’s roommate got in a little early,” the so-called Chim replied, sounding a bit sheepish.
“What is going on?” A deep, raspy voice quieted the two males down.
“Tae!” Chim cried in excitement, jumping onto the other bed.
Your roommate grunted at the weight, much like you had, but he was strong enough to roll out from under him and face the wall, pulling his blanket over his head. Chim sat up and looked over at your undoubtedly disheveled appearance.
“Sorry I jumped on you, we were told you wouldn’t be here till this afternoon,” You got a better look at him now that he wasn’t moving around. His curly blonde locks were wild and untamed as he ran a hand through it apologetically, his eyes were a starling icy blue and his white v-neck shirt hung off one of his well-defined shoulders delicately. It was unreal how beautiful the man was and if you were any less awake you would have thought him a god, too. Aphrodite, maybe.
“You jumped on him?” the 3rd, unidentified male echoed, shifting uncomfortably. He had dark hair, brushed neatly across his forehead, big brown eyes, and multiple earrings dangling from both of his ears. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his black jeans, and in fact, everything he wore was black; his hoodie, his jeans, the aircraft carriers he had disguised as shoes. All black and yet somehow he was pulling the look off as ‘cool’ instead of ‘emo and depressed’. He, too, was unrealistically beautiful.
“It’s not like I meant to!” Chim defended, panicked.
“It’s okay” You murmured, rubbing your sternum where his elbow had jabbed into it.
“I’m Jungkook,” the man in black introduced, a subtle accent peeking through.
You gave him a smile, albeit a little strained, and returned the introduction, “Elliot.”
Sitting up, you brought your knees to your chest, turning your attention to Chim on the bed opposite yours. He was mimicking your positioning, not mockingly so, and bringing his knees to his chest. You briefly wondered what material his skinny jeans were made of for them to so comfortably stretch over his impressive thighs like that.
“I’m Jimin! Again, sorry for the…” He trailed off, motioning to the bed with a sheepish grin. His accent was much stronger than Jungkook’s, but you still had no idea where it was from.
“You’re fine,” you really wished he would stop bringing it up.
“You’re Tae’s new roommate?” Jungkook changed the topic, likely having noticed your discomfort.
“Tae?” You trailed, turning your head to take in the slumped figure on the bed.
“Taehyung,” the said man corrected sharply, raising his head to glare at the three of you. Jimin smirked and leaned back into him, letting his legs fall down again whilst Jungkook just gave you a small, somewhat awkward smile.
Focusing back on you, Jimin tilted his head to the side. “You have no,” he paused, motioning to the naked mattress, “bedsheets.”
You looked down, “I was going to get them yesterday, but I got in later than I’d thought,” you explained sheepishly, scratching the back of your neck.
“We can take you?” That was the last thing you’d expected from the quiet one in black. From anyone really. You were more of a lone wolf, help wasn’t something you offered or accepted often.
“Who’s we?” You asked hesitantly, glancing over at your roommate’s slumped figure. He’d raised into a sitting position and was heavily leaning into Jimin, obviously the least awake out of all of us.
“Ah, ignore him. He hasn’t slept much the past week,” Jimin waved off and Jungkook nodded in affirmation
Taehyung rolled his eyes and got up, causing you to flinch back. The movement caught his attention, but he disregarded it as he stalked into the bathroom.
“Is bedding the only thing you need?” Jungkook wondered aloud, eyeing your small bags doubtfully.
“It’s okay, I can get everything myself,” you assured, rifling through the duffle for a clean shirt.
“This is your first year though, right?” Jimin asked as Jungkook took a seat on Taehyung’s bed.
“Yes…” Where was he going with this?
“This is our third year, so we know where everything is,” he continued.
“Oh, okay,” you caved, realizing they weren’t going to let it go. Glancing warily at the bathroom, you leaned back into the bed, perfectly happy to wait for Taehyung to finish if it meant avoiding him.
“Tae! Hurry up!” Jimin yelled when he realized your train of thought.
Taehyung stepped out of the bathroom with a glare and you shrunk back in fear of his wrath. Deciding that you could just go in your pajamas, you grabbed some socks and shoes and hurriedly put them on.
“You aren’t going to change?” Jimin asked in confusion, completely unphased by Taehyung’s irritation.
“No, this is fine,” you brushed off, grabbing your coat and wallet before darting across the room and out the door.
“Hey, wait up!”
You frowned as the two men followed you, but you hesitated for them all the same.
“Don’t mind Taehyung, he’s just annoyed that he has to share a dorm,” Jimin explained, much to your confusion.
“What do you mean?” The words slipped out before you could process them.
“Tae usually has his own wing, but because they’re expanding the school this year, he has to live in the dorms until they’re done building,” he explained.
You came to the conclusion that Taehyung was very well off if he had his own wing. Clearly spoiled too, if his bratty actions were anything to go by.
“I’m sorry if he’s been unpleasant. I’ve known Tae for a long time, I know he can be…difficult sometimes,” Jungkook spoke up quietly from behind.
“He hasn’t done anything,” you quickly diffused, knowing that it was your fault for leaving your bags in the middle of the room, anyways.
Both Jimin and Jungkook looked at you skeptically.
“Where to first?” You changed subjects, uncomfortable with the attention that was on you.
***********
You had never met a guy that liked to shop as much as Jimin did. If you’d had it your way, you’d have been in and out two hours ago, but the happy-go-lucky, and admittedly adorable, Jimin insisted on going down every aisle and showing you anything he found minutely interesting.
“Softer is better, there’s no way anyone finds firm pillows comfortable,” Jimin snipped, glaring at the wide variety of pillows.
“Chim, they’re for Elle, not you,” Jungkook reminded softly, his ears reddening slightly when you looked shocked at his nickname for you
“Yeah! But as the guide, it is my job to make sure that he gets the best one!”
Jungkook ignored him, turning to you, “Which one do you want?”
“Either is fine!” You rushed out, not wanting them to be focused on you any longer than necessary. You were enjoying being the third wheel, it was as close as you’d ever gotten to comfortably being around friends.
“See Kook? I told you,” Jimin grinned, turning back to the pillows in satisfaction. After grabbing the soft pillow, he twirled back around, “alright, what’s next?”
A bit startled, you glanced to the basket of everything you needed, “that was the last item.”
“That’s all you’re getting?” Jungkook questioned in surprise.
“I don’t need much,” you shrugged, gripping the cart a little tighter.
“Oh, so we’re done then? Great, I’m starving!” Jimin pushed past, marching in the direction of the cashiers. Jungkook seemed to agree with him because he was right on Jimin’s tail.
Trailing after them slowly, a large part of you wished they’d go get food without you and leave you be, but a small, tiny, itty-bitty part of you wanted to go eat with them, wanted to makefriends.
“Hurry up!” Jimin called back, jumping onto a startled Jungkook’s back.
As you approached the checkout counter, Jungkook’s phone began to ring. Looking at the screen, he immediately answered, shrugging Jimin off and making his way out of the store for more privacy.
“Is that really all you need?” Jimin questioned, looking over everything, unconvinced.
“Yes,” in fact it was more than you had originally planned on getting.
“Man, you’re so easy. We went shopping with Tae last month and he was so needy!” You scrunched your brows together, unable to imagine that anything about Taehyung was needy.
As you were piling the bags back into the cart, Jungkook returned.
“Tae is going to meet us at Le Fabricant de Pain for lunch,” he explained, mostly addressing Jimin.
Jimin made a delighted groaning sound, startling you so much you almost dropped a bag.
“We haven’t been there in ages!” He exclaimed, turning his attention to you and continuing, “they have the best sandwiches.”
You nodded, having no real intention of eating anything. You hadn’t eaten a sandwich since you were 8 and if you wanted to keep your secret, it needed to stay that way.
“Come on, we’ll drop your stuff off at the dorm and then head over there,” Jimin said, taking the cart full of bags and walking out the store.
Looking back to the pretty cashier, you accepted her receipt with a shy head bow and an awkward smile before nervously following the boys out.
Noticing Jungkook was doing all the work to pack your things into the trunk of his car, you jogged up and quickly began helping.
“It’s okay, I can do it,” you insisted, grabbing ahold of the bag in his hand and receiving a funny look. He didn’t argue though and instead took the opportunity to join Jimin, who was already in the car connecting his music to the Bluetooth.
“Tae already revoked your rights to the Bluetooth,” you heard Jungkook scold quietly and you noticed that the longer you spent with them, the less you noticed their accents, which was frustrating because you still didn’t know its origin.
“But Tae isn’t here, is he?” You could hear the grin in Jimin’s words.
“No, but the rest of us haven’t suddenly gone deaf,” was Jungkook’s quipped response and the music was abruptly shut off. Personally, you hadn’t minded the song, but you weren’t about to speak up.
After pushing the empty cart off to the side and shutting the trunk, you came around to the passenger door and tapped 3 times on the window.
Jungkook’s car was only a 2 door Challenger, which meant Jimin had to get out and the seat had to be pulled up before you could get in.
He didn’t pay you much mind as he hopped out, still bickering with Jungkook. Luckily, the seat was on spring rollers, otherwise, you didn’t think you’d have had the upper body strength to pull it up.
“Huh, you like her too, right Elle?” Jimin addressed loudly over your shoulder as you climbed into the back seat, making sure Jungkook could hear him.
Jungkook interrupted before you had a chance to say anything, not that you had much to say on the matter anyway.
“You can’t ask him, just because you know you’re wrong.”
“That makes no sense!” Jimin disagreed, pushing the seat back roughly, unknowingly hitting you in the process. You bit your lip, bringing your knee up to your chest. He hadn’t hurt you, but you still didn’t want to be in the way.
The two’s argument continued all the way back to the dorms. Honestly, it was the most you’d heard Jade speak and you wondered if this was his true personality or if Jimin just annoyed him that much.
Please let me know what you think! Compliments will get you everywhere with me :P
Warnings:Crossdressing, anorexia, and disguised child abuse. Please read with caution if you think this might be triggering.
——————–
“All packed?” Your mother asked gently, petting your head lovingly.
“Yeah,” you were always a shy kid, a recluse inside yourself. This was showcased in the meager items you had packed to bring with you.
“Are you sure that this is all you want to bring?” Your father worried.
You looked over what you were taking. Your favorite shirts, a new pack of underwear, a few pairs of jeans, 2 sweats, a hoodie, a pair of pajamas, shoes, a small first aid kit, and a couple of miscellaneous things. You’d also packed a suit, just in case.
“What about shampoo? A toothbrush?” It was your mother who was worried this time.
“I’ll buy them new when I get there,” you assured, placing your carry-on bag next to the open duffle.
“Oh, I’m going to miss you,” your mother gushed, yanking you into a bone-crushing hug. You patted the teary-eyed woman’s back, uncomfortable with the sudden affection.
“It’ll be fine,” you muttered, pulling away.
“And don’t cheat your diet again! You don’t want to gain weight and start menstruating again,” she reminded.
“I know.”
“And don’t change in any locker rooms!” Your father pitched in. As if you could forget.
You nodded, quietly letting them get out all their worries and reminders while zipping up your duffle. You were anxious to get to the airport.
“I know you hate it, love, but it’s for your own good. Girls don’t get treated in society the same way boys do, we just want what’s best for you,” Your mother sympathized as she took in your pained expression, but you’d heard this lecture more times than you could count.
You sighed, giving your mother a smile, “I know, mom. You worry too much, I’ll be fine.”
“Oh, we just love you so much!” She gushed, bringing your father and you in for a group hug.
“I love you too. The taxi will be here soon though, I need to get downstairs,” You reminded, stepping out of reach.
“Come on, honey, we don’t want to make him late,” Your father chided, guiding your mother out of your room.
Him. You hated the word.
Picking up your bags, you heaved them out of your room and to the front door. It was perfect timing too, the taxi had just pulled up.
“I love you! Be safe! Make smart choices!” Your mother called as you shuffled out the front door.
You too. You thought back, giving the taxi man a smile as he got out of the car to open the trunk.
“Thanks,” you breathed out as he lifted your bags into the trunk. He nodded in return.
Slipping into the back seat, you sent your parents one last wave as the taxi pulled away.
You were staring out the window, lost in thought when the driver said something, pulling you back to reality.
“I’m sorry?”
“Off to college?” he repeated.
“Oh, yes,” the conversation fizzled out there.
The rest of the drive was exactly how you liked it—quiet and uneventful. You were able to zone out with your headphones, daydreaming as you stared out the window. The time danced by with the notes of the music, making the ride seem much faster than it was.
“Here you are, young man,” the driver grinned, removing your bags and setting them before you on the sidewalk.
You nodded and gave a cursory smile in appreciation to the man, handing him the money you owed for the ride.
“Have a safe flight!” He called, getting back into the car and pulling out into the hectic traffic of the airport drop-off.
You nodded to yourself, an action meant to help build your confidence for the upcoming events.
With your ticket in hand, you entered the large building, getting in line to check your bags. There was a group of women on the other side of the rope guidelines, giving you flirtatious glances and your skin instantly crawled. You wanted to shrink into yourself and disappear.
Avoiding eye contact, you noticed a service dog walking by. Perking up slightly, you admired the dedication the animal had to its job of helping his disabled owner.
You had always defaulted to animals, feeling calmer around them. Maybe it was because they didn’t care, maybe it was because they didn’t talk, you didn’t really know. But you loved them.
Not wanting to be rude by staring, you turned away, startling yourself as you realized you’d turned back towards the women.
They were cooing at you.
Just leave me alone. You thought bitterly, wiping your clammy hands onto your loose jeans and taking a shaky breath.
You didn’t understand what about you was so attractive to other women. You weren’t tall, maybe 5’7, and your frame was thin and scrawny, not much muscle on you at all. Your shaggy hair was always a mess and you had no style or ‘swagger’ whatsoever. It just didn’t make sense to you why so many females tried to flirt.
You turned your attention to the ticket in your hand, your name in bold letters at the top; Elliot Wiley.
You frowned, you’d always hated your name.
Your body language only got stiffer and stiffer as the line moved on until you eventually checked your bags, got through security, and boarded the plane.
Your seat number was C-16, right between a mother and her infant and a tired businessman. You hoped the flight wouldn’t be like the movies where he fell asleep on your shoulder and the baby screamed nonstop.
The mother gave you a friendly, if not somewhat awkward smile as you squeezed past her and you tried not to cringe away when your legs brushed. Unfortunately, the plane you were in was one of those planes that stuffed as many passengers as possible in the cabin, leaving ridiculously small seats that made it nearly impossible to avoid touching your neighbor.
You sat down and put your belt on, picking nervously at the dirt under your nails, impatient for the plane to take off.
“Nervous flyer?” You flinched back when the woman next to you murmured in your ear.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m Delilah, this is Elle” the woman smiled apologetically, motioning to the small creature asleep in her arms.
You nodded in forgiveness, your voice quiet and timid as usual as you returned the introduction, “Elliot.”
“Is this your first time flying?” The woman’s voice was still calm, patient.
You hesitated before nodding. She smiled reassuringly.
“I was terrified the first time I flew, but it’s really not as scary as you think. After a while, you forget you’re even in the air.”
Right. you’ll just conveniently forget you’re thousands of feet off the ground. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.
“Thanks,” you muttered anyways, turning away.
Come to find, the woman was right. After the initial take-off and the occasional turbulence, the flight wasn’t bad. It didn’t feel like you were hurtling through the air at alarming speeds, instead, the world floated by almost peacefully outside the window. You couldn’t see much over the businessman’s shoulder, but whenever they passed a mountain, it was a unique experience to observe something you’d seen a thousand times, but at a completely different angle.
The landing of the plane was by far the most nerve-wracking part of the entire flight. Getting so close to the ground, seeing no runway, no runway, no runway, and suddenly—BAM! You hit the runway. The ‘wrrr’ of the engines working overtime, the terrifying hum of flaps fighting the air. It had your heart beating erratically in fear.
“Thank you for flying with us, we hope you had a good flight!” a flight attendant bid adieu as you and the rest of the passengers filed off the plane. The second you stepped out off the plane and into the tunnel, it suddenly felt like gravity was pulling at you differently. You’d never appreciated solid ground quite so much.
The trip to baggage claim was longer than you’d expected, giving the fear that your bag might get stolen plenty of time to arise in your chest.
Relief flooded you when you saw bags still getting spit out and glee filled you when your light brown leather duffle came toppling down onto the slowly circulating belt.
Snatching it up quickly, not wanting to lose sight of it, you headed out of the airport. You were supposed to take a bus to the city the college was located, but the papers were in your smaller carry on bag.
Setting your things down beside you, you shuffled through the bag, pulling out the envelope you’d stuffed all your necessary documents in.
Reading the name off the printed receipt, you looked around for the bus stop, pleased to find that it wasn’t a very far walk.
By the time you reached your dorm room, the sun had long since passed, leaving you worried that your roommate might’ve already checked in and you were in danger of waking them up.
Opening the plain wooden door as quietly as you could, you popped your head in, looking around. It looked like a basic room—two twin beds across from each other, a desk and chair between them, and a chest at the base of each bed. On the right wall, there was another door, leading to what you assumed was the shared bathroom.
Your heart beat faster when you took in the sleeping figure spread out on the left bed. Tip-toeing in as quietly as possible, you gently placed your bags beside the other bed and sat on the mattress. Thankfully, the bed wasn’t loud, so there was no risk of waking your roommate that way.
You tapped your fingers against your knees anxiously. You hadn’t planned on getting in so late and now it was too late to pick up a new pillow and bedding. Letting out a small sigh, you grabbed your navy blue pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt, then as quietly as possible, you slipped into the bathroom to change.
Looking at yourself in the mirror one last time before you slipped back into the room, you frowned at your shaggy locks. It fell just passed your jaw in a very messy fashion and it was even longer in the back, reaching the base of your neck.
I really do need a haircut. You thought bitterly.
Shuffling back into the room and climbing onto the bare mattress, you curled into yourself and let your eyes slide shut.
Please let me know your thoughts! I love to hear what you guys think xoxo
Warnings:Panic attack and floofy fluff. Yoongi is a babe in this one. Also so very very loosely edited, heh. I’m sorry.
——————–
“Would you run away with me?”
…..
“Tasia!” Jungkook exclaimed frantically.
“Jungkook? What’s wrong?” At my serious tone, the three men with me instantly turned their attention my way.
“Put it on speaker.” Hoseok demanded and I did as told.
“-what happened! I just-I left to use the bathroom for like 2 seconds! That’s it!” He trailed off, Korean tumbling out of his mouth in what I assumed were panicked curses.
“Hey, it’s okay, just tell me what happened. You’re okay,” I consoled, doing my best to bring his attention back to me.
“I won’t be after I tell you what happened” he mumbled.
“What the hell did you do, Kook?” I sighed, exasperated.
“I maybe, sorta, kinda…lit…your kitchen on fire?”
“You did what?!”
“It was an accident!” He exclaimed and I could hear Jimin and Hoseok snickering behind me.
“Shut the fuck up!” I snapped at them causing them to flinch back and stop laughing.
Turning back to my phone I asked, “are you fucking with me right now?”
He let out a whimper, “no.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to reign in my anger. “Okay, so, how did you manage…that?” My breathing was shallow from the effort I was putting in to keep my patience.
“I was making food and I didn’t see the kitchen towel by the stove and I just left for a second to use the bathroom and when I came back….there were a lot of flames”
I hung up the phone, rushing over to the curb and crouching into a ball, trying to battle back the panic attack that threatened to overtake me. I was going to be evicted, I was going to have to pay for repairs, I didn’t have a place to stay.
I flinched when someone gently placed a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t touch me.”
“Maybe it’s not that bad,” Jimin murmured, crouching beside me.
I could feel the tears welling but I nodded nonetheless. We stayed crouched there for a while, Jimin affectionately brushing my hair back behind my ear and rubbing my back.
“Come on, let’ go” he encouraged a minute or two later, ushering me to stand back up. “Hoseok, take-” Jimin hesitated, not remembering Beatrice’s name, “Tasia’s friend back, we’re gonna get a cab.”
I didn’t even argue, too far gone in self-pity.
***
When the cab pulled up outside the apartment building, I saw the hoard of police and firemen. The threat of a panic attack crept up again, but Jimin must have been paying attention because he was quick to wrap his arms around me. I couldn’t fathom why I felt so comforted when not even a half hour ago I wanted the ground to swallow me whole every time he so much as glanced my way.
“Tasia!” I was tackled the second I stepped out of the cab.
“Get off.” I wasn’t stable enough to put any emotion into my voice.
Jungkook flinched back, likely not expecting it.
“Tasia?” He murmured cupping my cheeks but I shrugged him off, I was afraid that if I looked at him I would say something I would later regret.
I stalked into my apartment, brushing past the firemen and police officers, my chest tightening uncomfortably the second I laid eyes on my roastedkitchen.
“Excuse me, Miss Lloyd?” I turned at the sound of my name, coming face to face with my landlord.
It felt like the world was closing in on me, my chest getting tighter as I fought to breathe. I stumbled round the side of the building, hoping no one had followed me, slumping against the brick wall and sliding down til my ass roughly landed on the cement.
***
I darted out of my apartment a few hours later and hurled myself down the steps. I couldn’t stop the flow of tears any longer. Everything was too much, it was all too much. Too many people, too many problems, too many emotions—I couldn’t handle it. The officials had all left but the seven men now in my life were more than I could handle in that moment.
Breach of contract. Evicted. The words repeated over and over til my head was swimming.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I finally calmed down, but when I did, I took notice of the figure standing beside my slumped form.
His dark hair was almost completely covering his eyes and he had a black mask covering the rest of his face, but his silhouette was unmistakable.
“Yoongi?” I asked. The only response I got was an almost imperceptible turn of his head as his one visible eye met mine. “Do you want to get out of here?” I held my hand up for him to take, hoping that he would.
His gaze flickered down to my hand. There was a beat of silence before he cautiously pulled his hand from his jean pocket and gripped mine. He pulled me, with more strength than I thought he had, up from the ground. Not prepared, I stumbled forward into his chest.
“Was that payback?” I snickered into his chest. I wasn’t sure what it was, but something about him in that moment made me feel safe. I knew I wasn’t being rational and the last thing I should be doing right now is running away, but I didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want to deal with my anger towards Jungkook or my inevitable homelessness. I wanted to run.
And so we did. Still hand in hand, we took off running. I don’t think either of us had a destination in mind, our only goal was to get away. We ran like our asses were on fire down the sidewalk, taking a chance and darting across the too-busy-to-be-jaywalking street. We kept running till we could no longer see the dreaded apartment building.
Jogging to a stop, we were both panting and clutching our sides, laughter bubbling up inside me. Looking at Yoongi I noticed that somewhere along the way he’d removed his mask and for a moment I was struck dumb by his beauty. He wasn’t quite laughing, but there was a grin on his lips that I’d never seen before. Slowly, we both sobered up as we stared, studying each other.
“Come on,” I nudged after a moment, a taxi pulling up to the curb behind him catching my attention. It still didn’t feel like we were far enough away if one of the boys decided to come looking for us.
Yoongi helped the elderly woman get out and I took the opportunity to slip in. I waited for Yoongi to join before I told the driver to do just that. Drive.
It was about thirty minutes of driving around and we eventually got to the more populated part of the city with lots of little boutiques and tourist attractions.
“Here’s fine!” I called, startling the driver a little I think. Yoongi had his mask up again, but I think I saw his cheeks lift into a smile and I grinned back at him.
Where had the fear I’d felt for him gone? Where was the anxiety I felt around any of them at any given time? Where was the stress from my home situation? I wasn’t sure but right then I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Yoongi slipped the driver some cash and we both tumbled out of the vehicle, small giggles leaving my lips.
People were hustling and bustling down the streets, the tourists easy to pick out. Not wanting to lose Yoongi in the crowd, I laced my fingers with his.
Spotting what had prompted me to tell the driver to stop, I tugged gently on Yoongi’s hand and began making my way to the entrance. It was a small bar that I’d never been to but had always wanted to try.
The little bell chimed above the door the moment we stepped in and Yoongi pulled his mask down to rest under his chin, looking around. The place wasn’t anything special or fancy, but it looked clean.
Leading him to the stools, I sat down. “Let’s drink.”
…..
The first thing that caught my attention as I woke up was the horrendous taste in my mouth, my tongue feeling like it’d been glued to the roof of it. I had a few blissful seconds of this before the headache registered, pulling a pained moan from my lips. I rolled over, deeper into the covers while clutching my skull.
I’m never drinking again. I thought.
The last thing I remembered was bar hopping with Yoongi and I prayed that was who I had just heard walk into the room.
My breath hitched when they clumsily plopped onto the bed, rolled closer and threw an arm around my waist — pulling me closer. I risked a glance down and closed my eyes in relief when I recognized the ring and bracelets on the hand.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I sighed, not willing to speak any louder. Yoongi just hummed halfheartedly in return, the sound muffled by the pillow his face was pressed into.
“Where are we?” I grimaced once again at the taste in my mouth, somewhat regretting opening it.
He let out an annoyed sigh, took his arm off me and shifted to lay on his back.
“A hotel room.” He deadpanned.
“Did…did we do something?” I sat up, biting my lip nervously not missing the opportunity to appreciate his beauty. His eyes were closed, his hair messy and brushed back.
He cracked one eye open, unexpectedly sitting up too, the proximity making our noses brush. “Why? Do you want something to have happened?” There was a mischievous glint in his eye, his minty fresh breath fanning across my lips.
I pulled back, not wanting him to smell my breath.
“I have to use the bathroom!” I blurted, stumbling out of the bed. I had moved too fast because now the pressure in my brain made me feel like it was going to pop. I took a second to wait for the pain to ebb away.
“You good, jagi?” He asked with humor clear in his tone of voice.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I paused, furrowing my brows and looking back at him, “what did you just call me?” I’d heard Jungkook call me that a few times before and he’d always made it seem like it was a slip of the tongue, but the way Yoongi was smirking at me, I knew he’d said it intentionally.
“Jagiya.” He said, slow and mocking.
I rolled my eyes, “yes, and what does that mean?”
“It means your breath stinks. Go brush your teeth, I’ll order room service.” He huffed, rolling off the bed and leaving the room.
My eyes narrowed in annoyance, glaring at the door he’d just exited out of before huffing and stalking off to the bathroom.
Sitting on the marble countertop was an unopened toothbrush, some toothpaste placed next to a second, used toothbrush. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered when he got toothbrushes and toothpaste, but I was more concerned with my missing memories of last night to give it much attention.
With my mouth full of sudsy paste, Yoongi walks in.
“What do you want?” He asked in such a way, I was confused. He was the one that walked in, why was he asking me what I wanted?
Then I realized he meant for breakfast. Or lunch. I wasn’t sure what time it was.
I spit out what was in my mouth, my heart skipping a beat when I felt him carefully tuck some stray hair back behind my ear before I accidentally spit on it.
“Thanks,” I smiled shyly after I’d rinsed out my mouth.
He nodded in dismissal, “so?”
“Oh, um, anything is fine.” I finally answered the question he’d come in for.
He frowned but didn’t argue, turning to leave. He wasn’t a really expressive person, but something told me that he hadn’t been asking me what I wanted to be polite—he actually wanted me to pick something.
“Eggs and bacon!” I called out to his departing figure. He looked back at me and nodded.
I nodded as well, mentally congratulating myself as I turned to face myself in the mirror. I cringed at my reflection. My hair was an actual rats nest and my complexion looked like I had just risen from the dead. I felt a little like it too.
Making my way barefoot out of the room, I took in my surroundings. It was clear we were in a hotel suite and my stomach dropped at the thought that Yoongi had paid for this just because I didn’t want to go back home.
How much did a room like this even cost? I wondered fleetingly.
I followed the sound of Yoongi’s low voice, finding him on a couch with a phone the hotel provided pressed to his ear. He hung up when he saw me come round to the front of the couch.
“They said it will be 15 minutes. How’s the head?” He was mocking again, probably more than amused by how much alcohol I must have consumed the night before.
“It’s fine.” I snapped, trying to hide my embarrassment, “What time is it? And where are my shoes?”
He vaguely motioned to the side of the couch, his eyes not leaving me as I stalked around to find them lined up beside his own with my socks neatly tucked inside.
“Are you usually this grumpy in the morning, or is it just the hangover?” I looked up in time to see him casually brushing his hair out of his eyes and the arrogance in that simple action had annoyance flaring up inside me.
“Are you flirting or trying to start a fight right now?” I called him out, hoping for some kind of reaction, be it irritation or, better yet, embarrassment but he just shrugged noncommittal.
Huffing, I plopped down onto the couch, as far from him as possible. I didn’t really have a right to be annoyed with him, he’d pretty much taken care of me all night but I just couldn’t help but feel annoyed. A lot of it probably stemmed from my own embarrassment and I begrudgingly had to be thankful that he seemed to realize this as well.
We sat there in silence until room service came, him scrolling through something on his phone and me staring absently out the window.
When the table of food was wheeled in and Yoongi took in upon himself to uncover everything, I saw that he’d ordered us the same thing. When I looked at him in question, he just shrugged. And then I understood, it wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to decide forme, he hadn’t wanted to decide at all.
Sitting down beside him on the couch in front of the trolley, I picked up the utensils neatly wrapped in cloth and pulled a plate closer to me. “Do you want my bacon?” I offered.
He shook his head, “you eat.”
I winced, “I-I don’t actually like bacon…” I trailed off, guilty.
He squinted at me for a moment, probably trying to decide if I was mentally challenged or something. I avoided his stare, nibbling on one of the apple slices that were available.
***
I let out a loud sigh as Yoongi’s phone made another *ding*. It was the sixth notification and he hadn’t shown any sign of getting up and checking who was trying to contact him.
“It’s Jungkook. He’s worried about you.” He announced, at least acknowledging my annoyance.
Guilt gripped my heart. I’d reacted too dramatically yesterday and now that I’d calmed down and even blown off some steam, I was ready to forgive him. I knew it had been a mistake.
I slouched down a little, my body rejecting my next words, “I guess we should head back and join reality again, huh?”
He studied me for a moment, “I’m not in a hurry.”
“I think he’s been stewing in guilt long enough,” I sighed. He hesitated, surprising me, before nodding. He didn’t seem to necessarily disagree with my statement, instead he seemed to be wondering if I truly believed my statement. I did.
***
“Tasia? Tasia!” Jungkook sprung up from his seat on my couch and rushed over. “I’m so sorry, okay? Please forgive me”
“Of course I forgive you, I’m a simp,” I sighed, knowing it was true.
Jungkook sagged in relief and wrapped his arms around me, pulling a wheezed huff out of me at the tightness of his hold. I had been holding Yoongi’s hand because I hadn’t admittedly been ready to face everyone alone and despite Yoongi being a little unapproachable, the events the evening before had made us much closer. Even if neither of us would admit it.
“You’re gonna break me,” I breathed out, doing my best to pull away. He let me go.
“Hobi-hyung is talking to the landlord right now, I promise we’ll do our best to make sure you still have a place to stay. I’m really sorry,” his big doe eyes stared into me and I held back the urge to pull him back into a hug.
Hobi-hyung? We? I’d heard him call Hoseok that before, so I knew that was who he was referring to, but what I couldn’t understand was what any of the others had to do with the situation.
“He’s talking to the landlord?” I echoed. Jungkook nodded but didn’t elaborate and frankly I was a little too scared to ask.
“Um, alright,” I wasn’t really sure what to say anymore so I just moved towards the couch, bringing Yoongi with me.
He hadn’t said anything the whole time but he hadn’t pulled away either so I decided to keep him as close as possible for as long as he’d let me. At this point, his warm hand in mine was the only thing grounding me and keeping me from getting lost in the panic. Something told me he knew it too.
Pausing, you realized there was only one open seat on the couch. Yoongi obviously had noticed long before me, though, because he didn’t even hesitate letting go of my hand and taking a seat on the arm rest next to the open seat. He didn’t motion for me to sit, or even really give me any indication that his actions had been for me…but it was pretty obvious he’d done it for me.
Glancing about the room, Jungkook was the only one paying attention to us. Taehyung looked exhausted, staring blankly at the wall, Jimin was resting heavily into him focusing on whatever Jin was telling him in Korean, and Namjoon had his nose in a book, looking completely oblivious of his surroundings. My face flushed and I ducked my head, taking a seat beside Yoongi. My shoulder pressed against his side as I did my best not to disturb Taeyung who was sat next to me on the cushion. I was a little surprised when, not looking up from his phone, Yoongi dropped his hand down onto my lap and laced our fingers.
I couldn’t help but look at Jungkook, wondering what the man I was in love with thought about Yoongi’s and I’s new relationship. I couldn’t help the feeling of pain that shot through my heart when he stared fondly at our hands.
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Since I hadn’t really planned to go anywhere, it didn’t take me very long to get ready at all. I had let my hair air dry, I had no intention of putting on makeup and my clothes consisted of black leggings and an oversized white t-shirt. These were all decisions I regretted deeply the moment I told Namjoon I was ready and he’d replied with, “let’s go to the library”
Public? He wanted to go out in public? Normally I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, because really, who dresses up to study? But the fact that I was going to be accompanied by an unrealistically attractive man had me second guessing my life choices that morning.
The memory of what those girls thought of me when I was seen with them flashed through my mind and I grimaced. I didn’t need a rerun of yesterday.
“You sure you don’t want to just stay here?” I asked, hoping he would see the desperation in my eyes and have pity.
“No, we should go somewhere the others won’t feel tempted to follow and interrupt” I slouched at his words.
“Kay…” I sniffled, staring longingly at my kitchen table. He rolled his eyes at my antics, grabbed my bag and led the way out of my home.
In the time it’d taken for me to eat breakfast, he had showered, styled his hair and transformed into some kind of wandering, homeless, monk. Even stranger was how well he was pulling it off.
I’d successfully dodged Jimin thus far, although I had a feeling he wasn’t trying all that hard to interact with me either. He, Seokjin, and Hoseok had all gone back to Jungkook’s before Jungkook and I had even finished our conversation. And although I hadn’t checked, I suspected that along with Jungkook, Taehyung and Yoongi were asleep.
Under any other circumstances, I would never have left strange men alone in my home, but with Jungkook being there and them being the people he trusted most…I felt that it was somewhat safe to leave them unattended for a while. That saying, I was also piss poor so it wasn’t like I owned anything these aristocrats would want.
“Your school has a library, yes?” Namjoon broke through my thoughts as we trotted down the stairs to the ground floor.
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, huffing, “of course”
If I had been looking I would’ve seen the smirk on his face.
We were about halfway to my school when I began to have that itching feeling that I had forgotten something.
Patting my legging pockets as subtly as possible, I mentally did a checklist.
Phone? Check. Wallet…my wallet! My bag!
“Oh no!” I gasped.
Namjoon jumped a little at my outburst, shooting me an annoyed but confused glare.
“My bag! It’s—oh.” I drooped as he held up my bag that he’d been carrying. A fierce blush shaded my cheeks.
I stayed quiet the rest of the way there, more or less shrugging off all his attempts to start a conversation. The building embarrassment from the growing list of stupid mistakes I kept making around them had my mind otherwise preoccupied.
When we got to the library, the calm, focused atmosphere rapidly relieved me of my anxiety. We settled at a table by the windows and it was when he sat next to me and leaned in to read what I was setting out before us, I realized just how good he smelled.
I inwardly groaned. How was I supposed to not think of this man as more than Jungkook’s best friend when he 1. Looked like a greek god 2. Smelled devine, and 3. Had the biggest brain of anyone I’d ever met.
Still, I sent him a shy smile in hopes of hiding my internal battle.
The day carried on quickly and I was astonished by how much more things made sense when he explained them. He was also unexpectedly patient, so at the times my brain just wouldn’t comprehend what he was trying to explain, he would calmly figure out new ways to explain instead of getting annoyed. I would’ve gotten annoyed with me ten times over if I had been in his place.
“Want to take a break?” He asked after my third brain fart in a row.
I bit my lip, unsure. “Can we?”
He was already sacrificing so much of his time to help me study, but I really needed to be away from the books for a while.
“Yeah, of course. You pack up, I’ll get a ride and then we’ll go eat” he stated, grabbing his phone off the table and stepping away.
I wasn’t exactly sure what he had in mind. My thoughts were that we were just going to go to the food court, but it was clear he had different expectations. Whatever, he’d been kind enough to help me this much, I wasn’t going to complain over where he wanted to eat. So I did as told and packed up my bag.
It wasn’t long before he returned.
“He said he’d pick us up,” he announced, again coming to sit next to me.
“Who?”
“Hoseok,” he elaborated, not looking up from his phone. He was sitting close enough and in such a way that I could easily see what was on the screen, but out of respect and slight disinterest, I turned my attention elsewhere.
“Ah”
A few minutes of silence passed and my attention had returned to his phone. I hadn’t even noticed that I was leaning into him or that he had angled his phone so I had a batter view until we were approached.
“Tasia!” I jerked back at the sound of my name, looking around to find who had called it. I instantly recognized the woman, a friendly acquaintance I knew from highschool.
“Bea! Hey!” I greeted, returning the somewhat awkward hug she pulled me into with a couple pats on the back.
Pulling back, she helped herself to the seat across from me and her gaze understandably wandered over to the man sitting beside me, who was much more interested in his phone than her. He’d actually slouched back into his chair, looking the most unapproachable I’d seen him.
That didn’t deter her. “Who’s this?” she wiggled her eyebrows at me and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. The woman was acting like we were in grade school and I was sitting next to my crush.
She wasn’t too far off on the “crush” part though.
“This is my friend Namjoon,” at the sound of his name, his eyes trailed up to meet mine, “Namjoon, this is Beatrice”
For the first time, Namjoon looked at her. He didn’t say anything, just stared. It was like he was waiting for her to do something worthwhile to pay him back for the attention he was giving her. I squirmed in my seat. Why was he being so rude?
“I didn’t know you went here!” I did, I’d seen her in the hall once before, but for the sake of breaking the ice, I pretended I didn’t. “What are you studying?”
She seemed grateful for the escape, “I’m an art major! What’s your major?”
“I’m a psychology major”
“Oh, so you’re learning to read minds?” I stared at her for a second, deciding whether or not she was being serious.
Taking the safe bet, I just laughed and shook my head.
“Nothing that cool. Though if they ever give telepathy classes, I’ll be the first in line” I laughed, the strained interaction already taking its toll on my energy reserves.
“So what exactly is-” she was cut off by Namjoon’s voice.
“Yeah?” I turned to see his phone pressed to his ear.
“In the library…Okay…Yeah” with that he hung up, shoving his phone into his pocket.
Returning my attention to Beatrice, I smiled apologetically.
“Hoseok is outside,” Namjoon announced, flicking at my ponytail to get my attention.
“Oh, okay”
“I’ll walk you guys out! I need to get some food anyways, I’m starving” Beatrice groaned, rubbing her belly.
A part of me admired her confidence. Even after being stared down, she was still making the effort to interact with us.
On a whim, I offered, “We’re headed out to eat right now too, wanna come?”
She lit up at my offer, “Yeah! Where are we going?”
“Um…” I looked at Namjoon for guidance, but he ignored me, grabbed my bag and walked away.
“Oh! Guess we’re going then!” She laughed and we both walked quickly to catch up with him.
I wanted to call him out, tell him that his legs were almost twice as long as ours, but I knew he wouldn’t appreciate being told off in public. I didn’t even know him well enough to tell him off in private.
At the pace he was walking, we got to the front parking lot in record time.
Leaning against the hood of a grey Charger was Hoseok and the very last person I wanted to see—Jimin.
Out of reflex, I grabbed the back of Namjoon’s navy kimono. He looked back at me curiously, “what?”
“Uh, n-nothing” I shook my head, letting him go.
Jimin spotted us first, coming to meet us halfway. In a very lazy fashion, he bumped into Namjoon in what vaguely resembled a hug.
“Anastasia” Hoseok singsonged in a way that felt somewhat mocking, “you brought a friend”
“I-uh-yeah. This is my friend Beatrice” I introduced, stiffening when Hoseok threw his arm around my shoulders the same way he had the night before. Goosebumps travelled across my skin as I recalled his hot breath fanning across my neck.
“Hello, Beatrice” I couldn’t see his face, but from the saccharine tone he used, I knew he was smirking at her.
She wasn’t immune to his charms and her ears instantly became red hot. “Hello!” she squeaked.
“Will you be joining us?” Now it was Jimin, who’d rested his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and his chin on top of it. Again, I couldn’t see his face, but by the way Beatrice was fidgeting and blushing, I knew she was getting his bedroom eyes full force.
“I mean, Tasia?” She looked at me desperately, as if I was any less flustered than she was.
“Anastasia invited her” Namjoon didn’t even try to hide his displeasure.
“How exciting” Hoseok didn’t exactly sound as thrilled by the news as his words might lead you to believe, but he didn’t lose his friendly tone.
“Let’s go eat!” I blurted, lurching away from Hoseok and grabbing Beatrice by the wrist, marching off towards the car.
I knew there were only five seats in the car, but it wasn’t until I actually climbed in and scooched to the middle seat that I understood just how tight a fit it was going to be. Beatrice was on the curvier side, which just meant that she took up as much space as the boys did, leaving a little more than a foot of room in the middle for me to sit.
And of course, of course Jimin was the one that climbed in next to me. He didn’t look angry, but being pressed flush against me probably wasn’t what he wanted either.
Beatrice struggling to buckle in her seatbelt caught my attention, notifying me that I was half on it.
“Oh, sorry” I murmured and shuffled over, consequently bumping into Jimin. I tried not to react and just wait patiently for her to finish before scooting back because I was too scared to see his reaction.
Awkwardly, I twisted back to reach for my own seatbelt, freezing when a hand came to rest over mine.
“Lemme help” he murmured and I probably wouldn’t have heard him if he wasn’t leaning in so close.
“Okay!” I squeaked, wrenching my hand back. He didn’t exactly laugh at me, but the huff of air he let out and the smug grin on his lips told me that he was in fact finding amusement in my embarrassment.
The back of his hand glided across my abdomen as he pulled the seatbelt out and around. I bit my lip and averted my eyes to the roof of the car. Was this man bipolar? Suddenly Taehyung’s face popped up in my brain and I grimaced. Those two were eerily similar.
I glanced over to Beatrice, wondering what she thought of the whole situation, looking for something that told me I wasn’t going crazy, but she wasn’t paying attention. Whoever was outside the window (I couldn’t see from where I sat) had all of her focus.
Namjoon opening the front passenger door and sliding in successfully brought my attention away from Jimin strapping me in, though it was hard to ignore our shoulders bumping as he shifted to get better access to the buckle.
I could hear Hoseok standing outside Namjoon’s open door, the two discussing something in Korean and if I had to guess, I’d say it was lunch plans. I almost laughed when in the middle of Hoseok’s sentence, Namjoon pulled out his phone and started typing. I hoped Beatrice saw it, though unlikely as he was directly in front of her, so maybe she wouldn’t feel bad that he was ignoring her earlier.
“Where are we going?” I spoke up, relaxing slightly when Jimin leaned into the window and away from me, closing his eyes.
Hoseok ducked down so I could see his face and gave me a smile, “Namjoon is getting the directions”
I nodded and smiled back. It was hard not to get caught up in him, his smile was so contagious and…happy.
When he moved away and I saw his figure walk around the hood of the car, Beatrice whispered in my ear.
“I can’t decide if he’s hot or cute” I couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up because she had spoken my thoughts.
Still laughing, I nodded my agreement.
The drive was pretty funny, with Namjoon not paying as close attention to the directions as he should have been, leading to us making more than one U-turn. Throughout, I tried my very hardest not to tip into anyone’s personal space every time we turned, knowing neither person well enough to be that close. After about half an hour of driving, Hoseok pulled into an open space on the street, a little ways down from where I knew there was an upscale restaurant.
I was nervous because I was a broke college student but I had a feeling that Beatrice was probably feeling the same way so at least I wasn’t alone. Although I was curious, didn’t you need a reservation to eat there? There was no way they got one on such short notice on a busy Saturday.
I let out a hiss of pain when I leaned in to unbuckle myself, not realizing Jimin had done the same leading to us bumping heads.
“Sorry,” I winced, rubbing my head.
“It’s okay,” he mumbled, putting a ring clad hand to his own head.
Biting my lip anxiously, I ungracefully shuffled out of the car after Beatrice, almost tripping on the curb.
The five of us gathered, making our way towards the restaurant’s front doors. There was a lot of hustle and bustle on the streets, people enjoying their Saturday to the fullest and although I probably shouldn’t have even been surprised at this point, my eyes still went wide when Hoseok put a protective arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as we entered the restaurant, not sure how it would go. I’d never been inside before, let alone had a meal here, but still I expected the luxury and comfort that was presented before us. The moment you stepped into the well lit entrance there was beautiful gold latticing on the walls and a warm brown podium about ten feet deep into the room. I immediately felt sorely underdressed in my leggings and t-shirt.
Namjoon took the lead, strolling up to the podium where an employee stood, ready to check customers in.
The man behind the podium had short, quaffed bleach-blonde hair that clashed with the elegant black uniform he wore, his nametag reading Zach. He looked Namjoon up and down, no doubt judging his hobo-chic, but the suspicion and judgment in his eyes left quickly when he took in Jimin and Hoseok who were clearly wearing designer clothing and expensive jewelry—Hoseok’s big gold watch was hard to miss. He barely spared Beatrice and I a glance before he refocused on Namjoon.
“Hello! Do you have a reservation?” Zach’s tone was considerably brighter than I thought it would be.
I winced at the question, I was right. You needed a reservation to get in.
“Hoseok Jung” Namjoon’s voice commanded. My eyebrows shot up and I pulled away to look at Hoseok.
“I know people,” He murmured with a smirk, answering my questioning gaze.
My curiosity wasn’t exactly sated, but I would wait til we were at least seated before I started asking more questions.
Zach looked more shocked than I did at the sound of Hoseok’s name and I could see the panic in his eyes as he sputtered a little bit with his response, “You’re-of course! Your table is right over here” He bowed, ushering us around the beautiful island wall leading to the rest of the restaurant.
I don’t know why I was expecting a low lit, sultry vibe but that was not what greeted us. Instead, it was a bright, spacious room filled with soft chatter and laughter. There were modern chandeliers hanging over the bigger tables and the decor about the room was impeccable. It felt strangely welcoming.
Zach led our small group to one of the tables in the center. It was a bigger table that could sit twice as many people than we had but I wasn’t about to argue.
Hoseok absentmindedly pulled out my chair before taking the seat next to me and engaging Namjoon in conversation, both of them ignoring Zach completely. Beside me, on my other side, I noticed Jimin pull Beatrice’s seat out for her too and watched as she flushed pink. Jimin gave her a knowing smirk and went to go sit beside Namjoon who was across from us.
We were all sat fairly centered at the table, empty seats on both sides of us and for some reason that made the table seem not as big as it had before.
“Your waiter will be right with you,” Zach notified, looking a little miffed but bowed in departure nonetheless.
I made sure to give him a kind smile and said “Thanks, Zach.” He smiled back and left.
At my words, both Namjoon and Hoseok cut off whatever they were saying and looked at me.
My eyes widened. What?
“You look good today” Hoseok commented after a moment and I scoffed. He and I both knew I looked terrible. Although when he shot me a confused stare, I began to question his sanity.
Before I could say anything about his questionable sanity, a beautiful woman interrupted us and it took me a second to realize she was our waitress.
“Good afternoon,” she smiled enchantingly, making me feel small and even more out of place in this lavish restaurant. “I’m Terrance, I’ll be your waitress today” the gentle smile never left her face as she carefully passed out the menus.
“Thanks” I murmured, noticing the way Terrance eyed Beatrice. My mouth made a small “o”.
“Of course! May we start you off with something to drink?” she grinned, her eyes continuously flickering back to an oblivious Beatrice as she waited for our responses. I couldn’t help the smirk on my lips as I looked down and fiddled with the utensils that were beautifully wrapped in a cloth napkin.
“Just water” Namjoon answered dismissively, probably more oblivious than even Beatrice.
“Water for me too, what about you Bee?” I prompted. I knew from highschool that Beatrice played both sides.
She looked so flustered when agreeing that just water was fine that I had to reconsider, maybe she wasn’t as clueless as I’d pegged.
Suddenly I got a rush of excitement at the thought of the two but I squashed it down, catching Jimin’s gaze. He was relaxed back into his chair, legs crossed with an arm slung lazily over the back of Namjoon’s chair. He raised an eyebrow at me, a smirk playing on his lips.
My breath hitched at the sight, trying desperately not to get caught up in him. Luckily Hoseok saved me when he lightly nudged my arm with his elbow.
“Hey, I don’t have your number” he announced, as if for some reason that was myfault.
“My number?” I repeated like an idiot.
“Yeah,” he nodded holding up his expensive phone that was displaying his contact list.
“Twenty eight hundred contacts?! Would you be able to find it even if you did?” I guffawed, tearing my eyes away from his screen to look at him.
He just grinned, pressed on the screen a few times and held it back out for me. The recognizable “Create new contact” page was now open.
I bit my lip, contemplating. Did I really want to give my number to him? My nerves were shot enough as it were, more contact with them didn’t really seem like the best idea for my health.
My decision was steadfast in my brain, it really was, but the moment he smiled at me my brain just stopped functioning and I autopiloted my number into his phone.
His smile grew at my actions and I couldn’t even find it in me to regret them.
“So how did you guys all meet?” Beatrice asked suddenly, probably feeling like the odd man out and I suddenly realized I hadn’t introduced anyone after Namjoon.
“Oh! Um, do you remember Jungkook? From highschool?” I asked.
“Of course!” Her eyes lit up, “are you guys still friends? I remember that by graduation you two were basically connected at the hip.”
I laughed, memories sparking in my mind. It was true, we’d both been pretty lost teenagers, resulting in us becoming emotionally dependent on each other. Three, almost four years later, we’d grown up a lot and made our own friends. We didn’t need each other to survive anymore.
“They moved in together” Jimin spoke up with a smugness before I could confirm Jungkook’s and mine’s ongoing friendship status. Beatrice’s eyes grew comically and she whipped her head to look at me for confirmation.
“No! No. We did not” I corrected, holding my hands up as if to stop her thoughts. “And that’s not even the point. Point is, Hoseok, Jimin, and Namjoon all grew up with him” I said, pointing at each man respectively.
“Oh really? What was he like growing up?” she asked what I’d been wanting for a while.
They stopped to think about it for a moment.
“Irreplaceable.” Jimin eventually surmised.
I was about to coo at the statement, but Namjoon interrupted me.
“Woah, hey, careful! What are you trying to do, eyeball it from the empire state building?” We all turned to see what he was talking about and I had to roll my lips together to stop from laughing. A young boy had been pouring water into glasses and Namjoon was right, he was pouring from way too high.
The boy apologized and all was forgiven and forgotten and the afternoon carried on seamlessly after that, conversation coming easy.
Exiting the fancy establishment two hours later, I got a call. Pulling out my phone, I glanced noncommittal at the caller ID but a smile unknowingly stretched across my face at Jungkook’s name.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Tasia!” I sobered up at his frantic tone of voice.
I’d love to hear your feedback! It’s what keeps us authors going :)
Warnings:Violence that you can’t really call violence?
Um, I love you, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get this out I was dealing with some issues. I’m doing a lot better now so I’ll be able to more regularly update! And longer updates! This one is a little shorter but I needed to get something out.
Love you x
——————–
“It passes, but it does not pass away” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
…..
After I had recovered from Taehyung’s disarming good looks, we finished cleaning up the kitchen and surprisingly didn’t wake anyone up, though when I voiced my concern he’d had let me know that they could all sleep through a tornado. I knew Jungkook was like that and if I took a second to think about it, it made sense that the rest of them would be like that too. I remembered a year or two ago, when I was babysitting my cousins, they’d been able to sleep peacefully through their siblings rather enthusiastic reenactment of King Arthur and Merlin. I suppose if I was around people all the time too, I might be able to sleep through my trip to OZ as well.
Now that everything was cleaned up and put away, we stood at the edge of the living room looking over the six sleeping figures. I bit my lip, should we wake them? I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of waking any of them up, but the thought of them spending the night in my home was just as nerve-wracking.
Taehyung must have seen my face because he offered to wake them.
For some reason, one unbeknownst to me, I grabbed his wrist before he could get far. “No, don’t”
He looked back at me questioningly, but I didn’t have an answer for him.
“They look so tired, is it okay to wake them?” I finally whispered out, suddenly feeling the need to be quiet even though we’d been anything but not five minutes prior.
An odd look passed over his face but it was gone before I could place it.
“Where do you all sleep at Jungkook’s, anyway? He only has one guest room” This question had been gnawing at me for a while.
Taehyung didn’t hesitate, “three in Jungkook’s, two in the guest and two on the couch”
“Three in Kook’s?” I couldn’t imagine. He only had a queen bed (he’d wanted to buy a bigger one but it wouldn’t fit in the room), how had they been able to fit three grown men comfortably? Although, looking at them curled awkwardly, in neck cramping positions, maybe comfort wasn’t a necessity for them to sleep.
“Yeah, Jin-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, and Yoongi-hyung. Jimin and I took the guest bed and Namjoon-hyung and Jungkook took the couches”
“Jungkook took the couch?” I was becoming more and more convinced that the Jungkook I knew and the Jungkook they knew were two different people. The Jungkook I knew wouldn’t even share his bed with any of his friends, much less give it up entirely. In fact, if he could avoid it, he wouldn’t have his friends over at his place at all. The Jungkook I knew was territorial and a bit selfish, always wanting to be the best at everything he did. And he was.
I didn’t notice Taehyung nodding, too caught up in my own mind.
“Anastasia?”
“Mm?” I hummed, glancing his way. I kept having to remind myself that he was a con artist and his sweet, innocent smile was nothing but a play to get something out of me. But what, though? The million-dollar question right there.
“Where should I sleep?”
“Huh?” Now he had my full attention. “Oh, um, take advantage of the empty apartment next door and get a good night’s sleep”
He slouched into a pout at my words.
“But it’s lonely, don’t you have a guest room too?” He stared down at me with hopeful eyes.
Oh yeah, I have a guest room.
“Oh right, uh, yeah I guess you can take it? Can’t promise it’s very fresh, I haven’t aired it out in a hot minute” I warned, cringing inwardly.
“That’s okay, I’ll sleep with the window open” He shrugged, sauntering off towards the said room. He’d obviously noticed that Jungkook and I had the same floor layout.
I jumped when suddenly Yoongi got up off the couch and followed after him, making me wonder how long he’d been awake or if he’d ever even been asleep in the first place.
I did one last sweep of the room before I awkwardly made my way to my own, changing into a pair of pajamas. After making a quick trip to the bathroom to wash up, I climbed into bed, my body instantly relaxing. I had a full day of studying with Namjoon tomorrow and it would do me well to get a good, restful sleep or at least the illusion of it.
***
“Turn that shit off” Somone growled in my ear, effectively pulling me from unconsciousness. Patting blindly around my bedside table, I did as told and shut off the blaring alarm coming from my phone.
“Kook, get off” I grunted, slapping Jungkook’s arm impatiently after I’d attempted to roll onto my back but his arm had been too firmly wrapped around my waist to allow such movement.
He groaned and rolled away, immediately falling back to sleep. Briefly, I wondered when he had come to my room because I usually didn’t let him sleep in my bed as it wasn’t good for my heart, but I quickly decided it wasn’t really a pressing question. I couldn’t exactly blame him for choosing my bed over sharing a couch with multiple people, after all.
Rolling my eyes at him, I climbed out of bed and stumbled to my closet, silently picking out a change of clothes. Tip-toeing to my door, I carefully opened it and peeked my head out, taking a second to listen for any sign of life. I grinned, pleased when everyone appeared to still be sleeping.
Jetting to the bathroom as quickly as possible so I wouldn’t be seen in my PJs, I closed and locked the door securely behind me. Wincing, I turned the shower on, praying that the noise wouldn’t disturb anyone before removing my clothes and slipping in.
I was in and out of the shower in record time, speedily drying off and throwing on clothes. Being naked, even with a locked door between us, when there were 7 gorgeous men around made me jittery with nerves.
This time opening the door, I was positive that someone would be awake by now but as I made my way into the living room—everyone was still asleep.
The panic set in instantly. It was one thing to see them sleeping in the middle of the night with Taehyung, but what if my presence woke them and they found me staring at them? What if they thought I was watching them sleep?!
Spinning around, I headed back to my room to wake Jungkook. He’d know how to handle the situation.
“Psst! Kook!” I hissed, shaking his shoulder, “Wake up!”
He groggily opened his eyes, licking his dry lips as his gaze focused on mine above him. His mouth pulled into a smile that made my heart skip.
“Hey, baby” I jerked back at his morning voice, even though I’d heard it a thousand times before.
“Get up, you have to wake everyone” It took everything in me not to stutter when he looked at me like that.
I almost wanted to take my words back when he frowned and pulled away, curling into the blankets.
“You do it,” he grumbled.
“Wha-! Jungkook, I can’t! They’re your friends, not mine!” I insisted, shaking him again.
He barely turned to look back at me. “I don’t wanna. It’s okay to wake them, they won’t mind if you wake them” his words becoming progressively more garbled.
“Jungkook!” I resisted stomping my feet lest I anger the downstairs neighbors, but my clenched fists still tempted me to hit him.
Deciding better than to act on my violent impulses, I stormed out of the room, ending up where I started—in the main room. Taking a deep breath, I eyed the possible candidates. There was absolutely no way I was going to wake up Hoseok or Jimin, Namjoon intimidated me so he was out of the question as well which left…Seokjin.
My thoughts went back to yesterday morning when he’d done his best to make me feel comfortable and welcomed. I wasn’t feeling very enthusiastic about undoubtedly ruining any good feelings he had for me by waking him up, but my only other option was Taehyung and he was with Yoongi who I was still terrified of and if I accidentally woke him up too it would only make everything worse.
Biting my lip, I accepted my fate and carefully stepped over a sleeping Jimin on the floor and crouched in front of Seokjin, not wanting him to find me looming over him when he woke.
Very,very gently I patted his thigh as I couldn’t reach his shoulder from where I was without the risk of losing my balance and tipping into his lap. I softly called his name and at first, there was no response, but after some persistent nudging he finally roused. His awareness seemed to come a lot sooner than Jungkook’s ever did, his eyes blinking open as if he’d only been resting them for a few moments, not the entire night.
However, when they settled on me and he just stared and blinked for a few seconds, I realized that he wasn’t quite as awake as he appeared to be.
“Hi” I whispered with a small wave, still crouched. I didn’t want to stand up quite yet and risk making him more confused than he already was and possibly uncomfortable as well.
“Hi,” he responded, his voice low and raspy as he turned his head to take in Hoseok next to him and Namjoon on the floor. His attention came back my way but didn’t stay long as he focused on Jimin’s figure behind me.
“I was hoping you might help me wake them up?” I felt so bad for waking him up that on a whim I’d decided that if he helped me, I would suck it up and wake some of them up as well.
He nodded, taking me in for real now that he was a little more awake.
“Your hair is wet” he murmured so quietly that I almost missed it, reaching out to feel it between his fingers.
“I just took a shower” I explained nervously.
“You look pretty,” he concluded, not giving me a chance to reply before shaking Hoseok awake.
Hoseok jumped, startling me enough that I jerked back and lost my already precarious balance. This would have been fine, except Seokjin had tried to grab my hand in an attempt to catch me but didn’t get a good enough grip making me lose my footing entirely, sending me back…on top of Jimin.
The said victim cried out, curling into a ball with his hands over his crotch that had just been elbowed.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! Are you okay?” My hands fluttered uselessly over him, not sure what to do to make things better. I’d never stuck around after nailing a guy in the jewels so I wasn’t exactly sure what the proper protocol was or if there even was a protocol. Was there a way to lessen the pain or did he just have to wait it out?
“Fuck off!” He growled and I quickly pulled back, not expecting his tone even though I should’ve. I could hear Seokjin and Hoseok snickering behind me and my humiliation grew tenfold.
“I’m so sorry” I murmured one last time before standing up and dashing to my room, fully prepared to never leave it again.
Slamming the door behind me, I dove face-first onto my bed, letting out a groan into my pillow.
“What happened?” I’d almost forgotten Jungkook was there.
Anger stemming from embarrassment licked up my spine and I whipped my head around to glower at him. “I told you to fucking wake them up!” I seethed, making sure I was quiet enough not to be heard from outside the room.
He seemed utterly confused and rightfully so, but I wasn’t in the mood to see reason.
“What happened?” He asked, reaching out cautiously to rub my arm. His question brought back the feeling of humiliation and I shoved my face back into my pillow, letting out a low whine.
I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole so I would never have to face Jungkook’s too-attractive-to-be-real friends ever again.
“Tasia” he prompted gently.
“I elbowed Jimin in the dick, okay?” I snapped, knowing he would find out anyway.
“You-…what?” If he wasn’t confused before, he sure as hell was now.
“I’m never leaving this room” I mumbled to myself, ignoring my baffled best friend.
“Tasia”
“Ugh, he probably hates me”
“Tasia”
“Everyone closest to you hates me, Ihate me”
“Tasia!”
“Jungkook, I’m gonna move away and I’m never coming back, okay?” I ended, looking at him with tears in my eyes.
He rolled his. “You’re such a drama queen, no one hates you”
I guffawed, “says you! I’m positive the six men on the other side of that door have opposing opinions”
This made his brow furrow, “Why would you think that?”
“Because! The first night I meet them, Seokjin interrogates me, Jimin and Taehyung give me the third degree, I made Yoongi fall and I’m pretty sure they all blame me for you not going back to Korea and I mean, are they even wrong? Am I the reason you didn’t go back to your family?”
“Stop, stop, stop, woah. Tasia, no one hates you or blames you. I’m my own person, I make my own choices and they know that. They also know you’re not the only reason I stayed.”
Things in his story weren’t lining up with my personal experiences with them, but I decided not to comment on that. And not the only reason he stayed? Did this have something to do with why he was sent here in the first place? A long-dormant curiosity flared back to life but I knew right now was not the time to confront him.
“Yoongi still hates me. And Jimin, there’s no way he doesn’t hate me, I just….” I couldn’t get the words out.
“Yoongi-hyung doesn’t hate you and Jimin might put salt in your drink or shake your soda in retaliation, but he won’t hate you either”
I didn’t answer, knowing the only thing to come out of my mouth right then would be complaints.
“Come on, you have a study date with Namjoonie-hyung today, get up,” Jungkook said shoving me off the bed.
I let out a squeal, resisting the urge to curse at him.
Warnings: Pretty vanilla for now, just setting up the plot.
——————–
“I’m acting like I’m okay, please don’t interrupt my perfomance” - Unknown
…..
I paced back and forth in my living room, unhappy with how I left Jungkook. I knew the others cared for him, I knew Taehyung cared for him, but what if Jungkook said something else that tipped the scale for the rest of them and they all started brawling? What if someone got seriously injured?
Regret pooled in my belly, I shouldn’t have let Jungkook talk me into going home.
I sat down on my couch and rested my head in my hands as my leg bounced with anxiety. Nibbling my lip, I contemplated going back. But when I thought about it, what help could I have given when I was the problem! If I went back over, I could be the thing that tipped the scale and started a brawl.
Sighing in resignation, I leaned back into the couch and rested my head against the cushions. I stayed like that for a minute or two before deciding that it was a waste of time to sit around twiddling my thumbs. I may as well get some homework done whilst I waited for news from Jungkook.
I heaved myself off the couch and clumsily stumbled over my own feet as I headed towards the front door—where I usually left my bag. A split second of panic went through me when I didn’t find it there, but then I remembered that Seokjin had left it by the door in Jungkook’s apartment. Groaning, I crouched down into a ball.
I had everything in that bag, my laptop, my notes, my books, even the novel I was in the middle of reading. Letting myself tip backward, I sprawled out on the floor, contemplating my life choices.
And that’s how Jungkook found me—spread out like a starfish on the floor, staring absently at the ceiling.
“Hey,” his sudden presence had my limbs folding to my chest like a lawn chair.
“Shit” I hissed and scrambled to my feet. How had I not heard him come in?
When I turned to face him, my embarrassment turned to horror when I saw that he was not alone. Beside him in the open doorway stood Yoongi, holding two full bags of take-out.
“Sorry, we didn’t mean to scare you” Jungkook apologized with a guilty smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” I waved off, trying to hide the shake in my voice before motioning to the bags, “that food?”
“Yeah!” Jungkook agreed, stepping in further so that Yoongi could come inside all the way.
I made a move to close the door behind him, but more people trailed in after him until there were seven men total standing in my living room. Taehyung and Jimin were the most surprising guests. Hoseok, who had come in after Yoongi, also held bags full of food and Jungkook held my schoolbag in one hand but the rest were visibly empty-handed.
For a brief moment, I wondered how much they spent feeding themselves because they seemed to eat a lot.
“Thought we could all eat here? My place is so messy because of them” Jungkook didn’t wait for my response and instead set my bag down where I usually did and headed straight for the couch while Yoongi and Hoseok headed for the open kitchen/dining space to put the food on the table.
“Don’t lie, it was messy before that. The only place you keep tidy is your room” I responded with a scoff.
Jungkook let out a small laugh and to my surprise, Taehyung came to sit on the arm of the couch, placing his hand lazily on Jungkook’s shoulder for balance. What had I missed in the 30 minutes I was absent?
I was astonished by how easy they were acting with each other, not a hint of tension. In fact, they almost seemed closer.I’d definitely missed something.
A light hand on my waist caught my attention and I looked back to see Seokjin.
“May we use your dishes for the food?” he asked politely and I turned to look into the kitchen where Hoseok was already helping himself to my cabinets.
Rushing over, I showed him where the plates were and right as I was opening the right cabinet, I noticed Yoongi fishing through my drawers for, presumably, utensils. He was about to open my junk drawer where I shoved every miscellaneous screw, lightbulb, pen, paper, coughdrop and even sometimes mail that I didn’t have a home for, but I lunged for his hand and yanked hard. Apparently too hard because it caused him to lose his balance and stumble into me, sending us both to the floor.
It took me a second to catch my breath and a second longer to realize that he was on top of me with his legs entangled with mine. Our eyes met and the world faded out for a moment until he dropped his forehead to my chest breathed out a quiet ‘fuck’. The warmth of his breath made me shiver as a thousand little goosebumps appeared on my skin.
Using his arms, he pushed himself off me and a whoosh of cold air came between us. Hoseok, who had been laughing hardily at our expense, bent down to help us both up. Once we were both upright Yoongi pretty much immediately left the room and I had a nagging feeling that I should probably go after him and apologize, but I ignored it and turned to face Hoseok, who was still grinning ear to ear but at least his snickering had subsided.
“You okay?” he asked, unable to help the giggle that followed as he brushed the hair that had fallen in my face back behind my ear.
“I’m great, thanks” I rolled my eyes, swatting his hand away. I was far too embarrassed to be cordial.
“Don’t be upset,” he coaxed.
“I’m not, I just…I think Yoongi is” I sighed quietly, glancing in the direction he’d escaped in.
Hoseok looked delighted by my confession, “He’s not.”
I huffed, not believing him for a second, turning around and getting the utensils from their drawer.
My eyes went wide, though, when Hoseok threw an arm over my shoulder, resting it across my chest and pulling me into his.
“I’ll prove it if you want” his breath was hot in my ear.
For a split second, I was tempted, but then I remembered they all hated me and this was probably just a follow-up game to Jimin’s pash sesh.
“No thanks,” my tone came out a little harsh as I shrugged him off and walked away.
He didn’t stop me.
I made my way to the living room, placing the acquired knives and forks down on the table as I passed by before taking a seat on the floor in front of Jungkook, leaning back against his legs. There was still a free spot on the couch, what with Taehyung still on the armrest and Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin also on the floor, but it was between Jungkook and Yoongi and if Yoongi was mad, I didn’t want to make it worse by sitting next to him.
I made a mental note to apologize to him before the night ended.
“Okay! Come eat!” We all looked up to Hoseok who stood at the kitchen table, taking out boxes of food from the bags.
Taehyung was the first up, practically vaulting off Jungkook as he darted to the table. Jimin wasn’t far behind, followed closely by Jungkook, Namjoon, and Yoongi. Seokjin and I took our time, him being a gentleman and helping me up. I smiled and offered a shy ‘thanks’.
The night went on fairly uneventful until we eventually migrated back to the couch to watch movies. Somehow, they’d fit five people on my 3-seater couch, leaving Taehyung, Namjoon, and me to sit on the floor. Although the earlier tension had seemed to have magically disappeared, I was still wary of Taehyung.
When I had hesitantly gone to sit between him and Namjoon, he’d smirked flirtatiously at me. It was the same smirk I’d noticed on Jimin’s lips a couple of times—like they had a secret that no one else was in on.
“You don’t have any classes tomorrow, right?” Junkook asked randomly when Yoongi got up to pick out the next movie, pulling me from my thoughts.
“No, I don’t, but I haven’t gotten any homework done the past two nights, thanks to you, so I’m dedicating the entirety of tomorrow to that” I declared, shooting down any plans he might’ve wanted to make.
He hummed, pouting a bit, “are you still having trouble with your thesis?”
I groaned, partially because yes I was still having trouble with it but mostly because Jungkook had no filter and had just blabbed in front of everyone that I was struggling with my schoolwork.
“You know, Namjoon is really smart, he could help you,” Hoseok offered.
At the sound of his name, Namjoon looked up from his phone.
“Huh?” We all laughed at the irony.
‘Really smart’, how smart could the guy be if he didn’t even have a major and was only taking, what was it, two classes?
“Nothing, really, it’s—”
“Tasia was wondering if you could help her with her thesis” Taehyung cut me off.
“Wha—” I whipped around to stare at him in disbelief. He just grinned and winked.
“Okay,” came Namjoon’s reply and I turned back, not expecting him to have agreed.
“No, honestly, you’d have to have taken the class to be able to help. I mean, I’m in the class and I barely understand how to do it” I waved off.
“Which class is it for?”
“Psychological Statistics” I answered immediately.
He was quiet for a second before nodding, “I can help.”
“I just said—”
“I’ve taken the class” he interrupted, sparking some irritation in me but it was overshadowed by my surprise.
“You’ve taken the class?”
He nodded, “I got my Master’s in Psychology two years ago”
The nonchalant way he had said it made that tidbit of information seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but it most definitely was.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Yeah! Joonie has a bunch of degrees. Business, Accounting, Psychology, and Mathematics” Hoseok bragged proudly.
I felt like my brain was going to explode. How could he have that many degrees when he didn’t look anywhere near old enough to have gone to school for the amount of time it would require.
“He…what?” I could barely get the words out.
“He’s got a sexy brain” Seokjin threw with a chuckle and I got the feeling I’d missed some inside joke, but at this point I was speechless so I just nodded and let it go.
“So, if you want, I can help” Namjoon offered, ducking his head so our eyes could meet.
My face flushed but I nodded nonetheless.
“If you wouldn’t mind…” I trailed, scared that if I accepted his help he’d be annoyed and grow to dislike me as well. He’d been so casual this morning, I didn’t want to push the boundaries of what he would put up with from me.
However, when I thought about it, all of them seemed to have had some sort of change of heart with me, though I’d be willing to bet money that it had something to do with Jungkook’s earlier ‘if you want to be in my life, you need to accept that she’s a part of it’ comment.
“I don’t mind”
“While you’re at it, Namjoon-hyung, help her with the rest of her homework. The faster she gets it done, the sooner we can hang out” Jungkook said.
“Since when did you need me around to hang out with your friends? Besides, what about yourhomework, Kook? Have you done it?” I turned back, glaring at him suspiciously.
“I always do my homework, Taisa” Jungkook smirked, flicking my nose with his finger.
I blushed fiercely and looked away.
“Whatever” I grumbled, shifting my weight so I was facing completely away from him and towards the TV.
“And we don’t need you there to have fun, it’s just more fun when you’re there” he finished.
And so it was settled, Namjoon would be over, bright and early tomorrow to help me with my homework.
As the hours passed, I became fully engrossed in the movie that played on the telly so it was startling when a weight came to rest against my shoulder, but not nearly as startling as the fact that the weight was Taehyung’s head.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that he had fallen asleep and probably wasn’t snuggled into me of his own accord. When I looked around the room to see if any of the others had noticed, I realized that most of them were asleep too. I couldn’t see Jungkook, who was directly behind me, but Hoseok, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jin were all asleep and Jimin, who’d gotten up earlier to get water and opted for the floor when he’d returned, was now laying down passed out. I couldn’t help my eyes from trailing down where his shirt had ridden up ever so slightly, highlighting his slim, fit waist.
My attention came hurtling back to Taehyung when he looped his arm around mine and snuggled closer, making my heart rate speed up.
In a moment of panic, I nudged him awake. The second that I did, I regretted it, but by then it was too late. His eyes slowly blinked open, staring up at me. It took him a moment to become fully coherent and pull away. His movements were sluggish, but he surprisingly didn’t fall back asleep and instead watched me as I got up and moved to the kitchen to clean.
He didn’t immediately follow me like I was for some reason expecting, so I was able to throw all the trash away and begin washing the dishes in peace.
“I’ll help”
I jumped a bit at the deep voice behind me, almost dropping a plate into the sink.
“Taehyung?” The surprise was clear as day in my voice.
“Anastasia.” I bit back a shiver at the way my name sounded from his deep, sleepy voice.
Snapping out of it, I turned back to the dishes, “it’s okay, I can do it”
“I’m really good at washing dishes,” he insisted, coming next to me and submerging his hands into the soapy water as well.
“O-okay” I squeaked, taking a second to appreciate his flawless side profile. Honestly, did the man even have a bad side?
We washed the dishes in silence for a while before he broke it. “I’d like to apologize”
“Huh?”Apologize?
“For my behavior,” he continued, “I was angry, but it was wrong of me to take it out on you”
I couldn’t understand.
“So,” he paused to take my hands in his and make me face him, “I’m sorry for being intentionally rude to you”
I was at a loss for words. Was this even the same person?
“I forgive you” I eventually croaked out, the oxygen leaving my lungs when the most beautiful smile appeared on his face.
Summary: Everyone has a soulmate. That one person who is made for you.
°•◇•°
Every person has a soulmate. That one person that is madefor you. There will never be a person more perfect then your soul mate. Every soulmate is connected with some sort of link, something that let’s you know they are out there.
But not every person is lucky enough to find their soulmate. Some don’t discover their link until its too late.
Choi Yoona had always been fascinated in drawing, always drawing on paper, napkins and even her skin when nothing else was available to her. Flowers were her favorite to draw. Specifically roses. She always fantasized about meet her soulmate in some sort of magical way.
Kim Taehyung was an idol who didn’t have a lot of time for…well, for anything. His days were spent practicing mostly. He didn’t have time to think about finding his soulmate, even if he did he would have to keep it a secret anyway.
Every pair had a different connection to their soulmate. Some connect in dreams, while others may bare the same mark on their hand or some other part of their bodies. All were different. Some never even learn what their connection is. Some don’t discover their link with their soul mate at an old age, after they’ve been married and started a family. There have even been cases where a soulmate discovered their link by feeling when the other died.
Yoona had yet to discover the link to her soulmate. She often wondered if she would be one that never discovered hers, or maybe she would find it too late, when she or her soulmate had both gotten married. Or died. Her family told her not to worry about it, that she would find it soon. Just be patient.
Taehyung dreamt of finding his meant to be when he was a kid he hoped to be just like his parents when they found each other. But when he became an idol things started to change. The spotlight wasn’t always easy and the fans could be hard when it came to things like this. They all knew this first hand when Hoseok found his soulmate. He started to think maybe it was better if he didn’tfind his soulmate.
While Taehyung rose in fame, Yoona opened her own art studio. Both drifting further and further away from the idea of finding their soulmates.
Until Taehyung saw it.
The little rose drawn perfectly on the palm of his hand.
Taehyung knew he hadn’t put the drawing there but who would draw a rose on his hand? The other members wouldn’t have, right? Shaking his head Taehyung tried to wash away the flower but it wouldn’t fade. No matter how much he washed and scrubbed it wouldn’t fade.
What is this?
He didn’t have time to worry or think on it too hard as he heard Jin yell for him to hurry for practice. By the end of the day Taehyung noticed the flower had faded until it was completely gone.
It was nearly two weeks later when something similar happened. Sitting at the dinner table laughing with everyone, Yoongi suddenly grabbed Taehyung’s arm and pushed his shirt sleeve up to his elbow making Taehyung look at him in confusion.
“Did you do this, Taehyung?”
On Taehyung’s arm was a neatly drawn rose inside of a heart. All of the members leaned over to see the drawing on his arm, all seeming impressed and complimenting him on the fine work.
“I..no,I didn’t do this.”
Taehyung said confused, instantly remembering the small rose on the palm of his hand a couple of weeks ago. Noticing the others confusion he explained that this had happened once before, even showing them that it wouldn’t wash away. Jimim gasped and clapped his hands making all the others look at him.
“What if it’s your-ow! Yah! Jin-Hyung!”
Taehyung didn’t need to hear what Jimin had to say, or what Jin leaned over and whispered to him to make him blush and look down at his food to know what they were all thinking. Something he hadn’t wanted to think the first time it happened. What if it was his soulmate?
Taehyung just pulled his sleeve down and looked at his plate. They all knew how Taehyung felt about the topic, knowing it was sensitive for him they all kept the conversation of it on the down low around him. The rest of the members all loved the idea of finding their other halves, but understood Taehyung’s concerns when they saw how hurt Hoseok had been the first time he saw hate from the fans.
The next day the drawing was gone. But there was a note on his hand. Not from the mystery drawer this time.
Don’t forget practice at 9:15 ~Jin
•°◇°•
Yoona stared at the note written neatly on her palm when she woke up. Who was Jin? What was the practice for? As a way to clear her head, Yoona went to take a shower and wash away the ink. Only it didn’t wash away. The ink stayed bright as if it had just been written there.
What is this?
A couple of hours later the note was gone as if it had never been there at all.
A few days later Yoona noticed there was a heart on her cheek just under her eye and on each of her palms the words LOVE ARMY. How had they gotten there and why wouldn’t it come off? Was it..? It couldn’t be..
Her soulmate?
°•◇•°
Taehyung began to wait for the little drawings and notes that littered his skin. The artwork was always beautiful, and he even took pictures of some of them. He even found himself wanting to brag on the work to his fans, but how could he? Who would he brag on?
He found himself wondering if this were his soulmate. Did that mean the other person could see what he wrote on his own skin? Did she notice? Was she as curious as he was?
The more he saw of the art the more he wanted to meet this person. He wanted to know if this was his soulmate. He needed to know more about this person.
For the first time in years Taehyung wanted to meet his soulmate.
Time went on and Taehyung grew frustrated. He left notes on his own skin more often and paid very close attention to the ones that were showed up on his hands and arms trying to find any hint of where this person was.
Then one day he woke up with a note on his hand. One that made his heart beat quicken and his stomach flutter.
Seoul Arts Center tomorrow at 10
Taehyung hurried to the first person he thought of after reading the words written on the back of his hand.
Namjoon.
Taehyung asked Namjoon what he should do. He told him about his change of mind on wanting to meet his soulmate and he confessd that he had a fear that it wasn’t even his soulmate.
And his fear that it was.
“This is a oncein a life time opportunity, Taehyung-ah. Don’t worry about what the fans will say, this isyoursoulmate.Lookhowhappy Hobi is?”
“Yeah, but don’tyou remember when he first met her? The fans all but attacked them. She was so hurt, Hobi wasn’t the same for so long. What if that happens to me?”
“Crossthat bridge when you come to it, Taehyung. Be happy. We will support you no matter your decision.”
Taehyung spent the rest of the night thinking on what he should do. If he let this go he may never get another chance to meet her again. But what if it wasn’t what he expected? So many things could go wrong. What if he wasn’t good enough? What if his world was too much?
He didn’t sleep a wink.
But he made his decision.
°•◇•°
Yoona was running late, she had slept past her alarm, she didn’t sleep much these days, she couldn’t find her blouse she wanted to wear, she nearly slipped in the shower, and then her car wouldn’t start. She was sure the day couldn’t get any worse. Yoona ran in the art center and pushed past the people mumbling apologies as she went. But once she reached the office they told her to have a seat and wait. She huffed out a breath as she sat down hard in one of the chairs that waited outside of the office. She would never get her artwork in here at this point.
Feeling bored Yoona pulled a pen from her pocket and began drawing a rose on the back of her hand. Who cared if it didn’t look professional in the meeting?
She let out a gasp as she watched the letters slowly appear on her hand just above the flower she had begun.
I found you.
Yoona looked around in shock and her eyes stopped short when they landed on a tall young man holding a bushel of roses in one hand a twisting a pen with his long slim fingers in the other.
Her heart started to beat in rapidly in her chest. His boxy smile took her breath away as their eyes met and he walked towards her.
Summary: Taehyung goes to a friend’s Halloween party thinking no one will recognize him and he meets you, one of his biggest fans.
It’s Halloween. Taehyung loves Halloween. So when one of his friends invites him to a party, he jumps at the chance. Because it’s a costume party, Taehyung could dress up and won’t have to worry about being recognized. It was perfect…
Summary: Your locomotion is not that of a normal human being, rather it is to the extent of physically being able to transport from one place to another. Normally, your ‘seams’ slip you into locations that you are familiar with, but when you unexpectedly happen upon the apartment of Kim Taehyung in Seoul, South Korea – your ability that you have always deemed a curse begins to feel more like a blessing in disguise.
Count: 21,883 words.
Note: There is a smut scene at 15.12.2017 – it is not necessary to read if that stuff does not sit well with you, but you must read the final paragraph. Full sentences that are expressed in italics are indicators that they are being spoken in Korean. I sweated blood and tears for this fic I hope you can taste the salt when you read every single sentence.
09.02.2017 → V1
It is not uncommon for you to blink, and suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
The novel you were reading beneath afternoon summer light, bleeding gold across inky sentences, no longer weighs lightly in your palms. The grocery store aisles with their shelves of generic cereal brands and biscuits no longer demand to be bought beneath fluorescent lighting but instead become rows upon rows of old paperback novels about intangible love. The cracked plaster of your bedroom ceiling you were watching through sleep-heavy eyes opens up into an endless blanket of navy blue, speckled with the silver freckles of the stars, thick strands of grass nestled against your shoulder blades instead of the crisp sheets of your bed.
The places that you end up are familiar, comforting, always the same. The library downtown is a frequent location, the museum in the next suburb over, the meadow you always visited as a child to bring your fantasies to life. The slips occur at peculiar times, most often when you are stressed or exhausted down to the marrow of your bones, but sometimes when you least expect. You can never decide whether it is worse at night or day, because the darkness brings an eerie tension to the creaking swings in the park and the rusting slippery slide, and the light brings an anxious bite to the bookstore bustling with bodies that have not a clue of those who can unintentionally bend the physics of existence and suddenly materialise in locations they know better than the back of their own hand.
Mostly, it is simply annoying, never of any kind of benefit. Your feet just cannot maintain their solidity on the ground they stand upon, and such a matter has branched back into your family tree for generations. It can be controlled, but it takes years to master such a refined art, and it can even be stopped entirely, yet such a happening is a rarity that has only graced your great great grandfather.
Tonight is not unusual to any other. You pull back the sheets, feel the lethargy crawl out of the cotton and beneath your skin, dragging you down, down, encouraging you onto the mattress until a familiar tingle itches up your spine. And you think no, no, not now when you are in nothing but a flimsy silk nightdress, when all you want to do is allow the blissful lull of dreams to take you under, but you have never been one to have a say in this. Not yet, at least.
The shift is a rippling wave rolling over your body, except in that wave are a thousand needles, pricking at your bones like crackling electricity, taking you apart, reforming you elsewhere. The first time, which occurred at the age of fourteen, hurt like absolute hell, but now it is more a dull ache if you can refer such a thing to being quite literally pulled into pieces and remade. You stopped counting the number of times you have slipped through the seams once you no longer had enough fingers, toes, to tick off. And with every jump, the sensations became more bearable.
This, though, is the first time that you have leapt through a seam that takes you across mighty expanses of land and seas, spitting you out into an apartment too small for the objects that cluster within.
You land, ungraciously, upon an unmade bed that homes no presence of warmth, no recent frequency of another being. At first, you heave a weighted sigh of relief, thankful that your body has not decided to drop you onto a hardwood table or a biting gravel road, especially in the sparse garment that you wear. Usually, the slips are gentle, but often they can be frenzied and quite literally just spit you wherever you can be disposed of. Akin to a fickle woman who rushes around her apartment, throwing this and that in place since she is already five minutes late to her date, the seams will slip and slide between the extremities of a smooth sailing ride or a close range gunshot, messy and catastrophic but you cannot damn well help it.
Then, the confusion, edging on the skirts of panic, starts to make itself known in an unease beneath your skin. Because one, although you are always, always taken to places of familiarity, you can swear on your life that you have never once been in this apartment before, and two, you are absolutely positive that we are not in Kansas anymore, Toto. It hints in the compact walls, the faint, yet distinct aroma of Asian cuisine that drifts through the slot open window, the paperback books upon books that are creased and bookmarked on the bedside table amongst stained coffee mugs, all inked in an alphabet that your pen does not understand, nor know of at all.
Tentatively, you shuffle across the mattress until your bare soles meet the floorboards, the touch alike stepping on ice, and it is only then that you truly register how absolutely freezing the entire place is. In a feeble attempt to bring heat back to your blood, you firmly rub your palms up and down your exposed arms, approaching the window and peering through the parted curtains to the street below. It bustles with a warm, conversational ambience, makeshift markets lining the sidewalks and concocting the delicious aromas that make your tongue tingle, all manned by Asian men and women who are cloaked in thick coats and long pants, scarves tucked in loops around their necks.
It is then, that you realise that it is not just the apartment that is cold, but also the temperature outside as well. A kind of bite that cannot be conjured by an odd, stormy summer night, one that wraps tightly around your bones in a chill that makes your entire body quake and quiver.
No, no. Which can only mean that it is winter.
And suddenly, the confusion is completely and utterly swallowed by the panic, an anxiety that roots deep in your stomach because not only has the seam slipped you into an unknown apartment, but it has stretched across continents, oceans, to welcome you into an entirely different country.
“Holyshit!”You gasp, clasping your hand over your mouth, eyes widening because this is real, this is not a dream, it is well and truly occurring right here and now and you need to go, go go. Desperately, you try to will yourself to be taken back home, squeezing your eyes shut and thinking about nothing but your bed, your desk, the walls of your very own room. But no matter how hard you try, the situation of where you are continues to creep back up on you like a monster waiting beneath the bed, demanding to be known, revealed and explored.
Maybe. You distressingly think. Maybe I am too cold.
So, with a mental apology to whoever resides within this apartment that unsuspectingly lures women who can jump through space, you quickly pad over to the small walk-in wardrobe that is nestled in the same wall as what appears to be the entrance to a bathroom. In comparison to the unruly apartment, you discover that the clothing hanging on the racks is surprisingly tasteful with labels that are far beyond your price range, some items reaching into the triple figures, all menswear in suits and ties, coats, the occasional baggy slacks. Avoiding anything drastically expensive, you settle on a forest green jumper that hangs to your mid-thigh and a pair of sports shorts that brush past your knees – looking completely ridiculous, but it was better than your nightdress that welcomed that teeth of winter to take your skin for the kill.
For five minutes more, you sit upon the edge of the bed in the partial darkness, eyes closed, focusing on home but gradually, with every passing second, losing more and more hope. Not even a shiver outside of the icy atmosphere has made itself present, no prick of thin needles, no weightlessness of existing without a physical form. The slip, it seems, wishes for you to stay a while, and you know that under all circumstances, you certainly cannot stay much longer within this apartment because god knows who it belongs to and when they will be arriving home.
Lacking concern on an appropriate appearance, you roll on black socks and slide your feet into a pair of sheepskin boots that are at least five sizes too big, running your fingers through your tangled hair before exiting the bedroom and searching for the front door. The living space is not much bigger than the sleeping quarters, with the dining area, kitchen, and lounge space all squeezed into one, overlapping in places, but it holds a warmth of homeliness that almost makes you wish to stay. But rather, you spot the entrance down a short hallway that is lined with shoes from leather patent oxfords to battered black and white converse, careful to not disturb the order as you edge past them in the dark, eyes on the orange light that filters through the frosted glass above the doorway, a nervousness at abandoning the security of this apartment for the streets of this foreign land beginning to stir about your heart.
But as you reach for the door handle, there is a soft jingle, and then it is twisting open on its own accord.
For a moment, you cannot entirely register what is happening, nor reconcile the man that stands before you with his slender fingers still curled around the doorknob, staring with what appears to be an expression of bewilderment that most certainly resembles your own. With the hallway light of the apartment complex shining directly behind him, yet completely exposing you, it is difficult to make out any certain features other than the fact that he is built like a slender tree, tall, yet still having an aura of girth about him in the broad set of his shoulders. Faintly, you can make out large, almond shaped eyes, cheekbones made harsher by the shadows, honey blonde hair that is ruffled with a day of outings, plush lips that are parted in surprise, confusion, awe. Alike a deer in headlights, all you can find yourself capable of doing is becoming a taut statue of human muscle and flesh, silent, frightened.
The stranger, and supposedly the owner of the home you accidentally landed within, flicks on a light beside the doorway, washing the both of you in a yellow glow that reveals himself entirely and has you struck with wonder. The backlight and shadows had not done him any justice, for now, he is suddenly transformed into a marvellous beauty that leaves you amazed and frankly – almost thankful that out of all the potential homes your seam had to place you within, that it was his very own, if not for the fact that you were still scared out of your rational thought, heart racing a mile a minute, almost breaking through your ribs and escaping your chest altogether.
“What are you doing in my apartment?”
His voice is a deep crushed velvet, cloaking your skin in a language that you cannot decipher, vowels and consonants completely and utterly foreign to your hearing. Unknowing what to do, you gape, close your mouth, and then gape again, a mute goldfish of fear and desperation, of please, please just take me home. But your body does not quake and shiver, and your feet remain grounded, so all you can do is stare blankly at the mystery man of a world galaxies apart from your own and pray that he does not skin you down to the bone for invading. Your only solace is that his face remains passive as if he is beyond used to being exposed to the unusual.
“My English is terrible, I apologise,” He speaks again, and you can almost cry at the sound of your native tongue flicking in your ears. His voice still sounds so lovely, massaging into your skin with a gentle warmth, a little unsure in its capabilities with an accent tinging the edges. “I asked what you’re doing here.”
You blink, lips forming a perfect circle and oh. “I-If I tell you, you won’t believe me.”
“Given that I have not thrown you out yet, I’m sure you can trust that I’ll probably believe whatever story you have to say,” And when he smiles, it looks painfully familiar, tucked in between dusty memories that were deemed insignificant until now. You card through the mental pages, yet he hides himself well.
But first things first. “Where am I? What country are we in?”
His smile appears to fade in the slightest, suddenly a little wary. “Seoul, South Korea.”
South. Fucking. Korea.
For an instant, an overwhelming surge of giddiness shoots from your toes to your nose, tickling beneath your skin and you have to clasp your palms over your lips to suffocate the disbelieving laughter. The unknown man watches on, still standing in the doorway of his own home at the unusual girl who is finally getting her bearings on the fact that she has travelled across oceans within the blink of an eye, the smile remaining to colour the corners of his mouth because he is just as incredulous at the sight of a foreign being giggling to herself inside his flat, and by the way–
“My clothes?”
His voice, laced with muted humour, snaps you back into the situation at hand and you look down at the haphazard pairing of garments that you wear, flushing a brilliant rosy colour because you suppose you have been caught redhanded. Dropping your hands back to your sides, you stare up at him apologetically.
“I-I didn’t want to take them,” You murmur with hesitance, reaching into the pocket of the sports shorts where your silk nightdress had been stuffed. Unabashedly, you hold the flimsy, and to the conservative person, erotic item up for him to see as if to say how could I simply stay warm in such a thing? “But where I came from, it is still summertime so this was all that I was wearing when I arrived. It is absolutely freezing here.”
“Arrived?”
Oh.
Gathering the silk back into the pocket, your brows pull into a slight frown. “If you truly want an explanation, I think you might need to, um, sit down. It could take us a while.”
Although the man yawns like a feline, dark eyes squinting shut, he takes a step closer so that he is within the flat, shutting the door and unwinding the chestnut coloured scarf draped over his shoulders before delivering another smile that remains to hone familiarity within your subconscious.
“I have time.”
And so he fills up the kettle and sets it to boil, laying out teacups and bringing you a soft blanket to wrap around your legs. The strangers does not change out of his long coat and slim, charcoal trousers, appearing very prim and proper in comparison to you, but he does not seem to mind, ignoring the ever present burn that simmers on your cheeks at the sudden awareness of your own sloppy appearance. Once the tea has been made, he brings the porcelain cups over to the dimly lit dining table, placing one before you and then settling into the chair directly across the stretch of wood. Absently, you watch the steam curl in spirals from the cherry red liquid until he is breaking the silence.
“What is your name?”
Flicking your gaze back up to him, you cannot help but be struck again at how placidly beautiful he is. “It’s Y/N.”
“Ah, it sounds beautiful. Y/N.” It truly does sound lovely on the tip of his tongue, and you wish to swim in his delighted grin that uncannily resembles a box. “I’m Kim Taehyung. Pleased to meet you.”
At that, you laugh, which appears to make him light up that much more. “The pleasure is all mine.”
And just like that, you lay your trust on the table for this Kim Taehyung who strikes familiarity within you, yet for reasons unknown, to observe and attempt to understand. You tell him everything. From how the ability to slip through the seams in space has stretched centuries beyond your lifetime, a ribbon that has woven itself through the generations upon generations of your family, but only tying in knots around the hearts of a select, destined few – you being one of them – to the fact that it can take decades to control its sporadic occurrence unless luck is on your side and it gradually releases you from its treacherous clutches, to the general relativity of the seam slips and how that makes your visit to his apartment, thousands of miles beyond your own home, such an irregularity, a flaw in the metaphorical system that is travelling, jumping, leaping through the construct of physics from one destination to another.
“So basically, it is like– Ah. I cannot think of the English word for it.” Taehyung frowns, rubbing at his jaw in concentration, but you already know.
You take a sip of your lukewarm tea. “Teleportation.”
“Yes! Teleportation.” He says it as one would say eureka! – full of gusto and with an affirmative clap of his broad palm against the table. “That is … Amazing. A gift.”
When you laugh, his cheeks tinge a soft rose shade. “A curse, more like it, since I have no control over when it happens. I mean, right before I arrived here, I was getting into bed, on the verge of sleep. It is disorienting, especially because it targets you when you are vulnerable.”
“I think it is, uh, fascinating.” You like the way that his brows pinch together when he searches for a word, eyes flicking back and forth, distant, as though the letters are strung up in the air before him to sift through. Then, his gaze drifts back to you, and you cannot help the delightful warmth that envelops your limbs at the weight of it. “Beautiful, in the way that your feet simply cannot stay grounded to one place. They strive for somewhere new, different.”
With your fingertip, you circle the rim of your teacup, a meek smile pulling at the corners of your lips as your words draw up a familiar memory, one with your grandfather on the back porch, coated in streams of sunlight, watermelon crunching between teeth. “I always wonder if they are searching for something, or trying to take me back to my childhood.”
“Maybe they are looking for someone to make them stay.”
When Taehyung speaks those words, mirth plays around his eyes, honesty softening his features, and you cannot help but look away, feeling your heart start to pick up at an erratic pace that you are certainly sure, with the silence that envelops the apartment, he can hear. Truly, it was something you had always wondered too, whether the seams were trying to slip you into the life of another, quite literally throwing you to the nearest body of warmth. That was how many of the seam slipping generations before you found love, after all.
Determined on changing the subject, to be free of his dark chocolate eyes that threaten to drown you, you scrabble about your mind for the second question that has been nagging at your subconscious. “I-I know this might sound strange, but I swear I have heard your name before. I think I must have, for me to be brought here since the seams will only take me to places that hold familiarity.”
At that, Taehyung seems to falter, blanking, looking down so that his tousled fringe obscures the beautiful irises that were drinking you in as easily as the tea. A small sigh heaves from his shoulders, fingertips drumming against the underside of the table.
“Well, I don’t mean to sound … Conceited? But I am very famous in South Korea.” The words sound unsure, skittering across the wood in barely a mumble. “I am a singer. But lately, I have been starring in a lot of dramas and other television shows, some that are broadcasted worldwide. That might have been where you saw me or heard my name.”
The way he talks about it is like a heavy burden that sinks ships into the depths of dark oceans, that swallows light and only provides aeons of black oblivion. It seems to hook into his bones and drag him down, down, and you wonder, for somebody who must have the world at his feet with such fame, how he could experience such a feeling, a distaste for the career path that he walks.
“I see. Well, I must say, you were relatively calm when you opened the door to find me.” You say as an attempt to lighten the unexpectedly tense atmosphere, smiling into your teacup before taking a sip. The floral taste soothes wondrous flavours over your tongue. “If it were me coming into my flat to find a complete stranger, I probably would have panicked and called the authorities.”
“That is the unfortunate thing about fame, I’m used to coming home to unfamiliar people searching through my things. The guards are normally always paying attention to who comes and goes downstairs, but some people manage to slip past.” Taehyung says it with an exhausted lilt, tugging at a string of sympathy within you. But then he creates that smile again, directly at you, the kind that lights fires and holds sunlight and you feel yourself getting warmer. “But you’re the first foreigner, and you looked so dazed and confused. I thought maybe you had moved in as a neighbour and accidentally taken the wrong keys – that was until I saw you wearing my clothes.”
And when you laugh with him, you feel it, the sensation of losing your footing, a vibration that tickles up your limbs and has you placing the empty teacup upon the table. When you do so, the porcelain clatters, and his curious gaze seems to understand why. A particularly harsh wave of needlelike pricks across your skin has you wincing.
“Taehyung, it’s time for me to go.”
There is a fleeting hint of something that crosses his expression at your words, akin to disappointment, despondency, stirring a masochistic kind of happiness within you because you are almost glad that he wants you to stay. Desperately, you wish to do so too, wanting to learn everything about his life between the lines, the hastily scrawled notes in the bookmarks, penned down in the ink of his existence.
“Will you come back?” He says, and the words are laced with so much hope that you cannot bear to deny him, to give him any kind of answer that translates to no.
In a stretch of bravery, you reach your hand across the table, and in an air of ease, he takes it with a gentle squeeze. His fingers are much longer than your own, the knuckles curling around your palm, almost swallowing it up whole and you find yourself thinking how uncanny it is that they fit so beautifully together, jigsaw pieces that match perfectly.
“I hope so.” And that is all you can give him, but he appears to deem it enough with the smile that lights up on his lips, that curves his eyes and god, you beg that this was not an accident, an unexpected fault that was never supposed to happen. Taehyung smooths his thumb across your skin, and you shiver.
“I hope so too.”
They are the final words that you hear him speak before you open your eyes and find yourself falling, landing upon the creased sea of your own bedsheets, face to face with the cracked plaster of your ceiling once more, patiently awaiting your arrival in the shadows.
The trembles in your bones take longer to settle this time, and you wonder if that is due to the distance, or maybe the fact that Kim Taehyung has already tucked his heart right beside your own and deemed the spaces between your ribs a place for it to call home.
When you look down, you realise that you are still wearing his clothes.
“Oh,” You breathe, smoothing your palm down the front of the green material, sighing when it lifts the aroma of his cologne into your senses.
Although the heat that simmers in your bedroom, a stark comparison to the shivers that had rattled you back in Taehyung’s apartment, you cannot bring yourself to peel off the sweater, only kicking off the shorts before curling up against the mattress. Your sleep is dreamless, maybe because what had occurred on this evening of winter and summer, of here and there, you lived something much greater than your imagination could ever think to conjure.
When you awake the morning after, you see him again over breakfast, mouth full with half-chewed cereal, forefinger pressing the channel button on the television remote as you aimlessly surf for something that is no less than boring.
You have to backtrack, as it is the split second before you change the channel again that you see his familiar face, sitting on an entertainment panel and smiling the brilliantly mind-blowing grin that pours elation into your heart. Mesmerised, you ignore the subtitles that stream along the lower portion of the screen, simply analysing his ethereal features, how beautiful his deep baritone sounds when it strings around his native tongue, and how almost unfamiliar his demeanour appears in comparison to the man whose apartment you happened upon last night, a thin facade that barely veils the truth beneath.
You decide you like the Taehyung who channelled warmth into your hand and whispered hopes across the dining table than the one who seems to strain his smile through the pixels on the screen, and you hope to every entity in this universe that the one staring at the camera with lifeless eyes, indirectly at you lounged on your sofa, is not the only version you will see ever again.
22.02.2017 → V2
The second time you meet Taehyung, it sounds like he is fucking the life out of somebody.
To be frank, he most definitely is. And you certainly disturb that by misjudging your balance – due to your current state of mind not necessarily being strait-lace as a result of the Sunday family barbeque you were at only moments ago, fourth mimosa in hand – toppling into the glass cabinet-come-pantry that is propped up in his kitchen. Nothing shatters, thankfully, but you certainly make a clatter that encourages the squeaking bed to still, the heated moans to die out into a silence that stirs sickly in the depths of your stomach, choking at your throat until he quickly emerges from the room and closes the door behind him.
Taehyung, you finalise in that moment, is truly so and utterly gorgeous – no matter the situation. Sex softens his limbs, lust glimmering in the beads of sweat that slip down the golden expanse of his torso, cock straining harshly, neglected, against low hanging cotton briefs, lips swollen and bright red. And god, you wish it were you in that bed with him instead, your hands that created the beautiful honey storm of his mussed hair.
“Bad time?” You whisper with a lazy smile, hands behind your back, and the corners of his mouth colour with the hint of one. He looks sleepy, eyes drooping, digging his fingertips into the left, trying to pull himself out of the daze of sex.
“Maybe– No, yeah. I hadn’t–“ He lazily waves his hand about, leaving the rest of his words to interpretation, and you nod with a fluster, understanding. It is difficult not to when you find yourself flicking your gaze southward every other second.
Taehyung seems to notice your constant wandering eyes, his own appraising your simple outfit of a black shirt styled as a dress, how easily he could slide the cotton up your lovely thighs and have what lays between for himself. Maybe that is just the desire talking, or maybe he is already dipping his feet into waters that he has not tread within in too long. Nonetheless, he all but forgets the girl that he left tangled in his sheets with the gardenia tattoo that runs vines of ink up her spine, eyes settling hungry, desperate, on you, until the door behind him is jostling open with a rush of curiosity that soon falls into sheer disgust, betrayal.
“Who is this?” The girl demands, wearing what appears to be his shirt, and although you cannot understand her, you can tell by the twisted look that pulls at her features that she is livid. She looks between the two of you, eyes widening with every passing moment. “Seriously, what the fuck is this, Taehyung?”
When you shrink back at her sudden lash of words, Taehyung snaps into action and turns to face her, his expression completely blank. “I can’t explain, Irene. I don’t want to, either.”
“What do you mean you can’t explain? How the fuck did she get in here?” Irene shouts with a newborn vivacity, her cheeks flaring brightly, but Taehyung is unfazed. She was just another girl, another number in his cellphone, another fuck available on call.
“I think you need to go,” Taehyung mutters quietly, but with enough venom that you see the girl recoil whatever spitfire she had left back into her lungs, swallowing hard before storming into his room. It only takes less than ten seconds for her to remerge, a coat in place, a purse tucked underneath her arm and a glare burning holes through you before she breezes past Taehyung, who looks almost bored.
“Don’t call me again, asshole.”
And then, the door slams with a finality that he welcomes wholeheartedly.
You feel like you have landed straight in the middle of a drama episode, the idea, not at all helped by your tipsiness, having you smacking a palm over your lips to hold in the laughter. Taehyung, with his firm expression, immediately softens at the sight of you, a rueful grin lifting his cheeks as you try to conjure a sentence.
“God, that was awkward! I am so sorry.”
But he understands, running a hand down his face before pushing it back through his hair, making the honey strands stick up even more wildly. “It’s fine. You can’t help it.”
For a moment, the pair of you stare at one another in silence, drinking in the sight of the other after weeks of separation. There were a multitude of times that you thought maybe, just maybe, you were truly never going to see him in the flesh ever again, and so it takes everything in you to not touch him, embrace him. After all, you are merely no more than acquaintances, even if he knows the greatest secret that rules your life. One of the very few outside of your family to learn and understand the reality of you.
Yet already, the connection between you runs so much deeper, layers beneath layers of trust, all based around the promise of returning to him. It fuels the yearning of wishing to learn about every little detail of him, the finer dust that coats his existence, all the more.
The smile has not left his face, his voice splitting the silence. “You came back.”
“Indeed I did,” You reply, almost sheepish in the way that you look down at your feet, the intensity at which he watches you practically unbearable. It hunts beneath skin, seeking answers to questions that you know nothing of.
“Couldn’t get enough of me, hm?” He winks, and you cannot help the laughter that surfaces once more, the playful charm of his tone igniting a pure joy within you that nobody else on the earth has made you feel.
Though before you can reply, Taehyung rolls his shoulders back, golden skin stretching rather nicely over the muscle of his abdominals, pectorals, bringing your laughter to a definitive halt, entranced by the captivating move before he drags his feet over to the sofa tucked in the corner of the living space to slouch down. If he did not have your attention before, he certainly does now with the way that he sits, knees spread apart, hunching himself into his torso with a hand lazily scratching at a bicep, the outline of his dick so plainly evident against his underwear and you are still trying to figure out whether the heat that flushes your cheeks is due to the alcohol or the laughter or your sudden spark of lust, a flame that has never been lit by another. That form of intimacy is too risky for a traveller, for somebody who can barely keep themselves grounded as it is.
But you suppose there is a first for everything, especially with the liquid courage that surges through your veins and draws you towards the couch, taking a tentative seat beside him.
Taehyung, eyes still weighted with the pull of desire, gazes at your thighs, the way your dress has hiked itself up to reveal the smooth flesh further. His fingertips itch to touch you, especially with the naive flicker that skirts your gaze, though instead, he settles for words.
“Where were you? What were you doing?”
His timbre voice heartens the heat that spars within your chest, digs deep into your being. Although his demeanour, the sex that rolls from his skin in seas that skim at your irresolute shores, you presume that he has not a clue of what he is doing to you, what fervency he is drawing beneath your skin. When you barely, in the slightest, move closer to his side, his heavy stare immediately flicks back down to your legs, the tip of his tongue poking at the corner of his mouth.
Keyword – presume.
“On every second Sunday, in the summertime, my family gathers and we have a barbeque.” The words come out too softly, almost hesitant, giving away that your thoughts are far from such a meagre conversation. You try not to look down, rather, fixating on the lovely shape of his damp lips. It proves to be just as irremediable against the effulgent flames consuming you from the inside out. “We eat a lot, and we- Uh. We drink a lot.”
At that, Taehyung smiles in that sunshine kind of way, light pouring into the dimly lit flat and you hope to every entity that such a radiance does not reveal the dark haze that drifts about your gaze, the burn that simmers upon your cheeks.
An infinitely small part of you hopes that it does – that he catches on and sinks his teeth in your throat, predator on prey, hands wandering the land of your body.
Taehyung nudges your knee with his own, and its does more damage to your heart than it should, whisking it up in a carnal whirlwind. The smirk that plays on his lips is absolutely devilish. “I thought something felt a little… Different, about you.”
If anything, your cheeks burn brighter. “How so?”
“You seem a little intoxicated.”
“O-Oh,” is the only thing you manage to stammer before you start giggling, underlying his point in bold. As if he cannot help himself, he too starts to laugh – a deep, sensual tune of a strummed bass, humming around the apartment, entrancing you in its endearment. It is a moment like this, you discover with time, that is one of foreshadowing, the casual way in which you fall into the sound of one another like a check in the box of the many steps to this being something much more, bigger, than the two of you can handle, yet you take it by the reigns without any means. This comfortability, contentment, paving a path to a future you never once thought of, nonetheless considered.
But when Taehyung suddenly grunts in the middle of his laughter, winces, you raise your brows. “Everything okay?”
“Uh,” is all that he mumbles, shifting rather uncomfortably on the couch, strain pulling at his features, thinly veiled by mild embarrassment. “L-Like I said. Didn’t. Um…” And his eyes flitting down to his crotch is all the answer that you need.
All the push that you need to offer.
“Do you want me to help with that?”
Alike he were plainly slapped across the face, he stares at you with widened eyes, and it would almost be comical if not for the burning desire that consumes you entirely, the way that his expression falls into one of delighted, lascivious promise. Almost doubtful, he inclines his chin, a guide to bring you forward, lacing invisible ribbons around your wrists that draw you closer, closer, until you unsteadily slide onto his lap, bare skin to skin, thighs straddling either side of his own.
You feel him as if he has every inch of your body shaped to his own, not merely just your hips weighing down on his lap, his palms squeezing the tops of your thighs, thumbs brushing at the flesh, your own caressing his throat in such a way that his lips part invitingly. There, with the heat of his cock pressed to your thinly clothed centre, you watch one another with curiosity, a question that hangs silently between you, yet flares in iridescent neon. Do you want what I want?
Taehyung, in a movement you deem bold, but one that he knows well with too many women lost in the fabrics of his bedsheets, leans forward and closes his eyes to slits, long eyelashes colliding. When he dusts his lips up your throat, barely kissing, just the gentlest of touches, your bones turn to marble and you find yourself a statue. He halts.
“Have you done this before?”
You shudder when his whisper brushes along your jaw with the movement of his lips, featherlight. Right then and there, intoxicated by the proximity of him, you almost grit your teeth and lie. But Taehyung appears to be a man that sees truths like distress signals, the kind to dig his nails deep into the soils, unearth honesty in the dirt that stains his fingertips. He would exhume candour from your very soul, and so you bite your tongue until it bleeds, because bitter copper often tastes better than veracity.
“N-No. Too dicey.”
A small huff of a chuckle tickles your skin, and to your disdain and his reluctance, he pulls away, nearing only once more to place a delicate kiss upon your flushed cheek before resting your foreheads together. At this distance, you can see the streaks of caramel that coil around his iris, ambivalent in nature. Your heart stirs a frenzy when his broad palms leave your thighs, instead coming up to frame your face.
“Not like this, then.” The firm words circle the curve of your ear, the hint of a covenant underlying his tone, as if to say not yet, but not never.
And, in order to demonstrate his point, a vibration hums at the base of your spine, inching up, up. Your toes and fingertips tingle, lashes fluttering, limbs quivering like a leaf caught in the shivering breeze and he notices – you can tell by the way that his nails seem to dig a little into your skin, a silent demand to stay although you both know that there is no control over such a thing. Taehyung smiles, a small, empathetic twitch of his lips before they move.
“Come back again, okay?”
There is no room for denial.
“I promise.”
When you arrive home, the sky is beginning to blend with the evening, distant darkness looming upon the horizon as the sun progress in its descent. The strung fairy lights in the backyard have flickered to life, stars that glitter in the midway juncture of night and day, casting a soft ambience among the gentle chatter and laughter of your family. Meat sizzles on the barbecue, glasses clinking against the lips of wine bottles, and you rush to grab yourself a glass as a means to calm down from what nearly occurred on the other side of the world, but frail fingers curling around your wrist halt you in your path.
“Where did you go today?”
And the way that your grandfather stares at you with his crinkled, kind eyes is almost like he knows that you went someplace that you are still trying to understand, a place anew that you wish to be invited back to more than once, that becomes a familiarity to your seams. You smile, a hushed secret between the two of you, and the sensation of Taehyung’s lips ghosting along your jaw tingles in just the slightest as you speak.
“Somewhere I think that I am supposed to belong.”
10.06.2017 → V22
Visiting Taehyung on that one fated night was no mistake, no flaw in the system that accidentally projected you too far. For if such a thing were true, you would not be going back there, over and over again, seeing him more often than you do the wilting wildflowers in the meadow, the worn spines of the library paperbacks. His smile becomes a regularity, his voice a constant, his mannerisms and language something that rubs off on your skin over four months of arriving, departing, feeling.
Four months is all that it takes for Taehyung to learn that you absolutely despise tomatoes in their natural form, but adore the taste when combined with sauces, soups, anything but the slimy texture that they take in their solid state. To learn that you are studying a bachelor of science, majoring in physics in order to grasp a deeper understanding about the way your body defies all that is supposed truth and fact. To learn that your grandfather has played a greater role in your life than your parents in the sense that neither of them honed the traveller gene, so he was the one to teach you all of the ropes, the necessities, the what to and to not dos. To learn that your friends are treasures, few in number, but enough to keep you content, to understand and trust the reason why you suddenly run out of the club and into the shadows of the alley, or spend longer than necessary in the change rooms, because if anyone were to bend down and look beneath the door, your feet would be nowhere to be seen. To learn that your favourite colour is blood orange and the time of day that you enjoy most is cloudy sunsets on the foreshore, where salt sticks to the roof of your mouth and the waves make love to the sand, the sun upon the horizon turning the clouds into mountains of violet, tangerine, rouge pink, reflecting onto the surface of the sea in an ethereal mirror of the sky. To learn that your time as a high school student was hell as a result of your curse, the slips and leaps occurring so often when you first started having them at the age of fourteen that you almost did not graduate, always running out in the middle of tests or not even arriving at school in the first place. To learn that, like him, you worked your absolute ass off to get where you are now in your life, college being a lot easier to maintain due to the spaced out attendance, the fact that you are older now, more experienced, able to understand.
Four months is all that it takes for you to learn that Taehyung started his career in a seven-member boy band that he is still close with, considers as brothers, to this very day. To learn that he adores children and all kinds of animals, anything, really, that he can hold and cuddle to his chest. To learn that he understands and speaks English so well because he lived in Canada for two years and, in fact, only moved back home to Seoul at the start of last year. To learn that although his sociable personality on television, he prefers to keep to himself, enjoys sitting out on his balcony with the plants and a light novel over spending time in the limelight. To learn that his singing voice is quite possibly the most beautiful thing you have ever had the blessing of hearing, like rivers of honey trickling across your skin, the goosebumps that raise from crackling firewood, humming deep into the core of your being, nestling into your bones and heart to stay for good. To learn that he frequently has nightmares that have him waking up screaming and breaking out in a cold sweat, that give him bruises beneath his eyes in a shade of lavender, the worse ones often forming a mild rash on his left wrist. To learn that he cannot, for the life of him, get along with people fuelled by arrogance, who cannot be open-minded to the world and what is occurring around them, refuse to embrace that there is so much more out there, not only on Earth, but in the entire galaxy that we have not a clue of.
The two of you learn and grow from one another, watering your leaves in newfound knowledge about your individual cultures and lifestyles. He shows you the proper way to hold a pair of chopsticks, while you teach him the correct way to use cutlery (you have not a clue of how he was doing it wrong the entire time while he was living in Canada, but apparently, he was never phased by it). He teaches you Korean phrases – he adores when you point out random items in his apartment and say “chaegjang” (bookcase) or “chimdae”(bed) – while you help refine his skill in your own native tongue, arriving one day to find he has bought an English dictionary and thesaurus for both of you to go through. You even play beer pong with just the two of you at his dining table, using a watered down beer that tastes like dirt, but after he sinks the ball into your third cup, you decide the flavour is sweeter when you share it with him.
Neither of you mention the night where your intoxicated fingers curled into the front of his shirt, his lustrous palms squeezing the muscle of your thighs and eliciting such a sensation within you that even to this day, you barely know how either of you managed to control yourselves. Whether the lack of addressing the matter is out of embarrassment, uncertainty, modesty, you are unsure. But it is a faraway thought, something that only shows its face when you are alone, late at night, thinking of a pair of lips that shape into a grin that resembles a box of sunlight.
By the third month, you are returning to him on a weekly basis, starting to count your trips to the other side of the world on the notepad that sits beside his desk calendar. One strike, one arrival. Twenty-one in total.
But when you sit on the balcony of his apartment on the morning of your twenty-second visit, relaxed against the white metal of an intricately designed chair made for gardens – though Taehyung has never really been one to follow the stereotypical constructs of general living – ankles crossed and the breeze tickling your cheeks, you peel back a layer of Taehyung that reveals more of the shadowed truth tucked beneath. Although he is seemingly an open book, the sentences are scrawled in a never-ending labyrinth and you are still running endless sprints to reach the centre.
Sometimes, you think he may never let you make it.
The foliage pressed up against the railing lessens the intensity of the sunlight, the final threads of spring evident in the flowers that blossom from their respective pot plants, the leaves of the curling vines a brilliant shade of green. A complete juxtaposition to home, where emerald is near its end, falling dead to be crunched beneath the soles of feet on footpaths, leaving the trees to be skeletons, stark and bare. Tea steams between your palms in a dainty porcelain cup, and it is one of the many things in life that you have learned Taehyung greatly indulges in. It is a beautiful day, not too warm, nor too chilly, perfect for you to arrive in a thin, long-sleeved floral dress that makes Taehyung grin all the brighter when you surprise him by suddenly barrelling into the small dining table, feet still tingling.
Although the professional wear that you met him in, you come to discover that he has a preference for casual, slack clothing in the form of loose canvas shirts and baggy trousers. If anything, it makes him more handsome, a natural state of his that you adore, and that you realise with time, you are the only one who gets to see. It is easy for the idol image to slip away and dissolve into thin air when his celebrity status does not reach your local news, the hot gossip in the magazines, only sighted in a rare episode of this or that, which airs on the international channel. In your eyes, he is not the famous Kim Taehyung, even if he remains to be a brilliant star that lights up your navy, midnight skies.
You keep your eyes trained on the small sparrow that flits about the gutters of the building on the opposite side of the street, swallowing your nerves. Hesitancy clings to your tongue, making you cringe when you speak.
“Can I ask you something?”
Taehyung sniffs, and you try to remain casual, taking another sip of the delightful, lukewarm liquid. Today, it is ginger. “Don’t tell me you want to make hoeddeokagain?”
Almost choking on your tea, you sputter into the cup. “No, oh my god. Definitely no.”
The both of you would have thought making pancakes was an easy task, except you drastically proved yourselves wrong last month by accidentally confusing the salt to be the pot of sugar, and ultimately leaving thehoeddeok to burn near black on the griddle after becoming distracted by a song on the radio that Taehyung insisted – although he always says it was you, in fact – that you both dance to. No amount of cinnamon and honey could have saved such a disaster.
“Tell me, then. I am, as you Westerners say, all ears.”
Although you laugh, the nerves start to resurface, demanding to be known. So the only thing you can possibly do is command to his word – tell him.
“Don’t get me wrong when I say that I adore your apartment–” You tug at a thread that hangs loose at the hem of your dress, chewing the inside of your cheek– “But I thought, with your fame, that you would be walking on marble floors and have a mansion entrance guarded by real life tigers, y’know?”
Bringing a standstill to your fretting fingers, his own curl around your knuckles, and when you stray your eyes from the small bird that still flutters about, you discover that he is not looking at you. A sigh silently shudders from between your lips.
“So I guess what I am saying is… Why don’t you? Why do you prefer it here?”
Stretches of silence pass, an unnerving quiet made less tense by the commotion of the street below, the gentle singing of the birds. Your only relief is found in the matter that he still holds your hand, thumb grazing over the tops of your knuckles.
“I think,” Taehyung begins, unravelling your balled up fist so he can study your nails, chipped and imperfect. “I don’t live in a place like that because that’s what everyone expects. They all… Envisage me owning a great, luxurious home in Gangnam-gu, a place so large that it holds more space than life.” As if deeply entranced by the design of your cracked cuticles, he inspects them closer, voice lowering to a murmur. “So I live here because it is quiet and homely. Rarely anybody finds me, and heavy lawsuits get involved if my personal address is publicly spread, which nobody can afford to face since I have not wasted all of that money on granite countertops and– Hold on, real tigers? What kind of cruel person do you think I am?”
When he speaks the final sentence with a cheeky smirk, your stiff posture relaxes into a gentle chuckle, and he at long last looks up at you, wanting to catch sight of your smile, luminescent in the golden rays of the sun that filter through the foliage. His answer deems your suspicions correct, since his apartment is just so helplessly and wholeheartedly Taehyung in its homing of unusual figurines and sculptures that he attains on his adventures to markets, in the furniture from the cream couch to the emerald gramophone that ceases to match anything else in the room, in its cosiness and love that tucks between the floorboards and seeps through the wall plaster. You could see his television personality residing in an impressive manor – but Taehyung, the genuine, real man that you have grown to know and understand, blends with his apartment as if he were made of the coasters stacked upon on the coffee table and the magnets that tack loose leaflets and notes to the fridge.
“True, this place is very you,” You mumble, noticing how much larger, longer his fingers are that wrap around your own. He has made a habit out of holding your hand, something that, at first, had rose petals dusting your cheeks until it became so normal that you barely think twice about it. “I think that may be why I like it so much.”
“That’s good,” Taehyung nods, the smile only faint on the corners of his lips now. “I don’t want people to befriend me, love me, because of my fame.”
The way the words casually fall from his tongue is like an afterthought, yet the true meaning suddenly chills you to the bone, heavy lead that weighs down on your heart out of sympathy. It truly must be so difficult to be in such a situation, never knowing if the man at that bar buys you a drink out of friendliness or out of hopes for a much greater repayment, or if the girl that scrawls her number on your palm has interest or dollar signs shining in her eyes. The pair of you, although experiencing drastically polar opposite circumstances, are more alike than you both realise – isolated by matters that neither of you can help, living in a world viewed through a kaleidoscope, rather than the clear lenses of others. Like a moth to a flame, it selfishly draws you closer to him because he understands, and nobody that you have met outside of your family has sat in the same perspective as you before.
The air suddenly feels too thick, an uncomfortable tension settling on your skin until you decidedly shrug it off. “Well, I guess it’s not every day that you get so lucky to have a random girl who has not a clue of your social status suddenly appear in your apartment, wearing your clothes.”
“More like an incredibly cute girl.”
Although his lungs produce the language of his native tongue, you manage to grab onto one of the words, fluttering warmth in your chest and probably on your cheeks as well – but Taehyung is long used to your bashful blushing. He finds it absolutely endearing.
Raising a brow at him, you playfully dig your nails into the skin of his palm. “Did you just call me cute?”
He winces at that sharp stabs and then grins like a wolf.
“Maybe your Korean is worse than we thought.”
29.09.2017 → V53
If this is what falling in love feels like, then you have leapt from the edge of that cliff, your body weightless in the stretches of air that separate you from the oceans below, never reaching the waves, an eternal drop as the distance grows greater and greater.
It was never really something that you ever considered. Love was a faraway land that your feet never reached, at least, not until you learned to control their sporadic ways of travelling. So when you began to feel butterfly wings stir within your chest from the day Taehyung started to embrace you upon your arrival, sweeping you into his arms and murmuring a gentle what took you so long? into the strands of your hair, you began to figure that maybe, on a feeble limb of hope, he may possibly feel the same way about you too.
Arriving today is much the same, except your seam glides you right into the bathroom, bracing your palms on the vanity before you manage to slip on the wet tiles. Droplets of perspiration still stream down the glass of the shower, and you urgently tame your mind to not think about Taehyung and his golden skin, glistening from the cold water that barely manages to soothe the humidity of Seoul, even near the end of summer. It is only then that you reconcile the thick coat that you wear, groaning and desperately trying to roll the fabric off of your already sweating skin, trying not to think too hard about the plastic bags overflowing with food and house supplies that you had just abandoned in the parking lot of the supermarket back where morning was still rising.
“You’re not a burglar, right?”
At his distant shout, you huff and roll your eyes before escorting yourself out of the bathroom, draping your coat over his desk chair and then poking your head into the living space. The familiar pang of lightheadedness overwhelms you at the sight of him, as usual, golden hair already dry and slightly curling in the heat, a loose white shirt draping from his shoulders, denim blue shorts slack on his hips. When he spots you, the dazzling box grin is revealed, completely blinding you before he is making his way over, enveloping your smaller frame into his body and giving you a tight squeeze that feels better than home.
Taehyung rocks you side to side, humour lilting his tone. “What took you so long?”
“It has only been two days,” You mildly comment, though you understand. Even an hour without him is starting to feel like years have passed.
Chuckling, Taehyung leans back to look down at you, mirth swallowing his beautiful, dark eyes and you swear that underneath their gaze, you would abide by any of his words. You would murder a small village for him if he asked you to do so while staring at you like that. Speaking figuratively, of course.
“Two days too long,” He chimes, and if anything, his grin spreads wider. “Hey, so I have an idea–“
But suddenly, you can no longer take it, pressing your palms against his chest and pushing yourself away from him. Something akin to worry, concern, glances across his features until you are speaking words that have him absolutely cackling.
“I’m sorry but it is so fucking hot – Oh my god, you were suffocating me. I am going to die from moving from one temperature extremity to the next!”
Through his laughter, the kind that normally fills you with waterfalls elation, Taehyung gasps. “Y-Your face … It’s so hilarious when y-you’re mad.” And then, regaining some of his stability, he wipes at his eyes, trying not to sputter at the way you dramatically fan your face. “There is a dress hanging up next to the coats, go put that on.”
Stumbling out a thank you, your feet cannot carry you to his wardrobe quick enough, instantly finding the white fabric and yanking it from the hanger. Taehyung, still chuckling to himself, returns to the living room for your privacy while you change, not even having the chance to notice how pretty the garment is until you have urgently peeled off your jeans and sweater and adorned the material on your figure. He had taken to buying you clothes within a month of you arriving, realising that your seasons were completely opposite, so you would either arrive boiling hot or freezing your toes off. Spring and autumn are a period of peace that accustom to your not too heavy, but not too light selection of fashion. Tying your hair up into a loose bun, you heave a sigh of exasperation at how ridiculously humid the place feels, almost missing the ice that clings to the air back home before Taehyung calls out are you ready?
Placing your clothes with the coat, you drag your feet out of the bedroom, collapsing onto the cream sofa beside Taehyung. He hands you a glass of water after appreciatively eyeing the dress he picked out and you gulp it down within three seconds, not missing the impressed expression that holds his features before they soften into humble excitement.
“So, my plan.” He waggles his eyebrows, and you raise your own to the ceiling as a means to let him continue on. “I know we haven’t tried it yet, and I know you’re concerned about doing so. But I was kind of wondering if, um–“ The hesitancy that skirts his voice has you unnerved, wondering what he could possibly be thinking of until– “You want to come outside to the markets with me?”
Oh.
Taehyung was right, the idea of leaving his flat over the past seven months was a concept that had restless fear knotting in your stomach. You itched to see the outside world of his city, yet it was too risky, too troublesome with your situation of being the living embodiment of a spontaneous disappearing act, unassisted by the fact that he has a face known by the majority of the South Korean population, which will garner even a greater crowd of attention that you most certainly do not need.
“I mean you don’t have to,” He quickly says after your silent pause, rubbing the back of his neck and pulling a face. “But it’s dark out, so if anything were to, uh, happen – nobody would really see? Actually, forget it. I’m sorry, it is such a stupid idea–“
“Like a date?”
Your abrupt words make his jaw go slack, gaping at you in sheer surprise before he smacks his lips shut. A tiny, delighted smirk forms soon after. “If you want it to be, I guess?”
“Okay, let’s go then,” You shrug with a smile, trying to be indifferent, but your fingers quiver and shake, not with the need to escape but with the desperation to be right here, right now, about to experience this with him.
And you are not sure if he notices the tremble of your knuckles, but he takes your hands anyway, squeezing them reassuringly with a grin that sears light and adoration through your heart, repeating your words.
“Let’s go.”
Seoul, you discover, is breathtakingly beautiful.
The view that you had from Taehyung’s apartment never really did the city any justice. Truly, it displayed how busy the streets could get, how lively the stalls that lined the road once a month could become, but viewing the scenery from above could never entirely compare to the feeling of being immersed within it.
The air is much better outside, not as dense, cramped like it was within the apartment. You feel like you can truly breathe through the summer heat out here, exhilaration pumping through your veins as Taehyung takes you through the apartment building, holding your hand once you get into the elevator and never letting it go, not even when you reach the markets that create volume and a warm ambience down by the Han River. As a means to distort his identity, he wears a black cotton face mask that you decide suits him, makes his large, almond eyes all the more expressive as he chatters about each stall, teaches you about the ingredients in the many delicious foods, delights when you try on the traditional hanbok with a skirt in a beautiful shade of rose. It matches your cheeks, he idly comments, and as if to prove his point, they flush all the more fiercely.
After dining on kogi mandu, the most delicious dumplings to have ever graced your tastebuds, the pair of you simply stroll along, enjoying the amiable atmosphere, interlaced hands swinging between you. A few curious glances are made in your general direction at the man who, although his mask, still attains an extraordinarily attractive quality about him, that most likely rises a question of familiarity within their thoughts, but they do not make any comment, no means to interrupt your ‘date’.
When the rows of stalls start to thin out, Taehyung gently squeezes your hand, voice muffled by the mask, yet you can see the smile in his eyes. “So, what do you think?”
“It’s phenomenal,” You murmur, eyes wandering around the vibrant atmosphere, mouth watering at the delicious concoction of street market flavours and aromas. “I am falling in love with it, I may just have to pack up my stuff and move here.”
“I would like that,” He hums, nudging at your shoulder and erupting a fresh wave of joy within you, learning that he adores your presence just as much as you do with his own. But then, he starts to guide you closer to the river, seating you both at a park bench that looms in solitude within the pale light of the moon, the glowing edge of the markets. “My parents would always bring me here as a child. There was a Japanese vendor back then, so we would buy takoyaki and eat it by the river – me, with my banana milk, and my parents with their tiny glasses soju. It was long before I started auditioning for entertainment companies, sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had never received the encouragement from them to do so.”
The way that Taehyung talks about his parents is so heartwarming, fond, that you cannot help but ask him. “Do they still live in the city?”
And like the flick of a switch, his eyes harden to ice, and you feel regret suddenly drop like lead into your stomach. The kind of uncertain fear that happens when you think you are close with someone, but cross an invisible barrier that you had not a clue they put up between you.
“No, they don’t,” are the only words that Taehyung mutters, glassed eyes distantly watching the moonlight shimmer on the surface of the river.
In a moment of bravery, biting your nerves at the jugul
Summary:Things were off. At home, you stare at your phone, the time is close to three a.m. The apps circulate as you swipe your thumb, squinting at the smaller font. A page loads, you exit it before the images manifest. Things are weird, they have been for the past few days.
Warnings/Tags: RATED T; for hurt/comfort; angst; references to -burnout, exhaustion, stress, self-doubt/self-worth; tender kisses, late night drives, and leisurely strolls in Hangang Park; references to Free Love (HONNE) and Nothing (Bruno Major) because those songs fit them so well ah; fluff and a happy ending; - idol!AU - established relationship.
=====
I wasn’t sure if I should post this so I left it for while and then I finally had the opportunity to finish it. I figured that there are those of you who may enjoy it nonetheless.
There are themes surrounding self-doubt, exhaustion, and pessimism in the way of processing one’s emotions, so if you’re not in the mood to read about those sorts of things, that’s okay too, we’re all living in very strange times…
The last thing I wanted to say is that wherever you are and whatever situation you’re in, I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself
At home, you stare at your phone, the time is close to three a.m. The apps circulate as you swipe your thumb, squinting at the smaller font. A page loads, you exit it before the images manifest. Things are weird, they have been for the past few days.
Under layers of blankets, you try to burrow even further, ending up cramped in a curled up position. Your mind is racing while your body screams for the silence that sleep brings, nothing awaits you in the morning apart from an extended period of leave. Blinking is harder when your eyelids are heavy.
It’s nothing new.
You’ve always been good at recalibrating, at not leaving it too long before you crash.
Bottom line is that it’s hard to achieve some kind of balance between work and life, like you’re spinning plates on the small surface of your palms. It’s silly, it shouldn’t be like this. Others have had more success and fared better with a good night’s sleep and iron-clad boundaries. You’ve seen your colleagues do it like it’s second nature to them.
Hey, sorry I’m gonna have to turn you down on your offer to go out. I’m so exhausted from everything that’s going on.
There must have been something different with you, like you have a need to prove yourself. It nags, this feeling of wanting to give your the totality of yourself to everything at once. After those instances of intensity come the eventual consequence of trying to be in all places at once. The exhaustion, a candle snuffed out.
It’s just… hard to say no.
So you do it. You push and push until you nearly come apart at the seams. You say yes to everything, you ignore the plea of your body to slow down. Abruptly, you pull back.
It gets bad but that didn’t use to matter because you were alone.
The apartment becomes this nest where you work through it. That’s why you reserve your vacation times in a lengthy, exhaustive blocks. In that month, the routine slips a little as you come back to yourself in pieces, remembering what it was like before entering a state of flow. You spend days in bed in bouts of silence as your mind goes into overdrive. Much like how you are now.
The cycle just has to finish, you remind yourself.
That was fine because friends knew how it was, Yoongi left you alone because you always came back. It happens and they understand.
But then there was Taehyung. The one who has, till date, only seen the best version of yourself. You wanted to preserve that, as ludicrous as it was to admit. He came home from America exactly a week and a half ago and you haven’t seen him again because you just couldn’t.
The guilt gnaws.
Should I even be taking this time for myself? I should be meeting people in my free time, I should see my boyfriend.
Two months ago, Taehyung caught you at a bad time. It was hectic everywhere: first, everyone’s birthday seemed to be happening all at once, then work deadlines were hurtling towards the unmanageable, and finally (despairingly more like) he was going to leave for America for longer than you were prepared to accept. You snapped at him when he was trying to show you something, a new artist he discovered while listening to music. He didn’t even obscure your laptop that much. Quickly, you blamed it on getting cabin-fever as working from home wasn’t your usual style. He apologised, which didn’t rest easy on your conscience.
It got awkward after that. The excuse you told him wasn’t even believable but he didn’t press you. I have an early start tomorrow, better to stay at mine so I don’t get stuck in traffic. You weren’t even sure what you wanted to say. All you remember was how his eyes dulled in their shine when you turned down his offer for a movie night at his.
You don’t realise that you had drifted off, fixating at an imaginary point in the ceiling until your phone vibrates once, twice, then a third time. You fling some blankets off, reaching for it by the empty space next to you.
Taehyung [03:11]:
Are you awake?
If you are, go to sleep!
Zzzzz…
Ah.
Taehyung had a sense about these things. He knew when you were off, even if he hasn’t really seen the state of you or taken note of how you’re curled up, evaded by a feeling that you can’t put a name to. Renewed for a moment, you begin to tap your reply.
You [03:13]:
I should be the one telling you that
Any reason why YOU’RE up?
Taehyung [03:14]:
Thinking about you, mostly
You [03:15]:
Flirt
Taehyung [03:15]:
You love it tho
(You really do).
Taehyung [03:16]:
Also
I’m downstairs
Nearly tripping, you go to your window even though your apartment is too high to really see anyone below. Your phone buzzes again.
Taehyung [03:17]:
And I’m frezing
Freezing
Shoving the comfiest sweats on and doubling up on your socks, you hop, skip, then jump out into the hallway.
Taehyung [03:18]:
Just kidding. In my car and the heating is on blast
You resort to typing in shorthand as you lace up your shoes, then slot your arms through your jacket sleeves. You also laugh at his use of emojis, finding his choices endearing. The last thing is your mask as you close the door softly.
You [03:19]:
Wdym ur downstairs?! Where?
The elevator dings, the doors stacking into each other as you step in, punching the arrow pointing down. It’s so worn that the symbol is barely visible.
Taehyung [03:19]:
Basement - B9.
Nerves get replaced by something else, giddiness? Whatever it was, it felt like butterflies were crowding your stomach, no longer tired but excited to see him. Soon enough, the doors open. You step out, shivering at the drop in temperature and veer into the right. Ugly green paint was the aesthetic of the basement parking, you see the snout of Taehyung’s colossal SUV jutting out, its headlights dazzling the entire space.
Taehyung opens the door before you could even try.
And there he was, a vision even in the dim interior. Tortoise shell glasses, a messy mop of dark hair, black shirt peeking in between the layers of brown shearling he’s wearing, his mask stretched under his chin. Before you speak, even before you smileat each other, he drapes a wooly scarf over your neck, trapping your hair with it.
“Knew you’d forget a scarf.”
You slide in, the grainy leather is heated on the back of your thighs. You smell his scent through the knitted material. The dash is lit up, the medium sized screen showed that he was cycling through his playlist.
“I can’t believe you’re here.”
He licks his lips, reaching to you and guiding your head towards his using his hand. He plants a soft kiss by your temple, driving out of the parking bay with an expert twirl of the wheel.
“Missed you too much.”
The speakers play an upbeat song.
Are the simple things enough?
I got to give you all my love
Free love
Oh free love
After, he goes on checking the mirror, trying (and failing) to appear suave. Pink tinges the tips of his ears, you allow yourself to laugh, automatically twining your fingers through his as he pulls out of the parking lot.
Imagine a place where we can be free
There’s no one for miles, it’s just you and me
“Couldn’t help yourself, huh?”
His reply is a kiss to the back of your hand. In the frame of the window, Seoul is a blur of neon streaks.
We might have kids
Maybe three
“You know me.”
But twins would be cool
That would do it for me
As the engine revs, you hide your grin in the grey of his scarf.
-
Hangang park was deserted and not a single person was in sight. The waves of the river ripple like scales on a fish. You underestimated how cold it was, your body taking its time to adjust as you shive. Suddenly, Taehyung had taken to sling his arm around you. His jacket is cavernous, depleting next to you in an awkward ruche.
“Wait, what if someone -”
He tugs you close, ever the rebel. For someone who hates being visible in public, or anywhere unfamiliar without security ring-fencing him and the others, Taehyung sure was bold.
“I don’t care.”
(He really meant it).
Relenting, you walk in comfortable silence, the pad of your soles on the paved path are muffled while the breeze sings its quiet lullaby. The weight of him on you is grounding. Ahead, Seoul glitters, its buildings with its blinking windows and lights that flank the highways. Not to far off was Banpo bridge lit up in ochre.
“People kiss here, you know. We should do that.”
Taehyung’s voice is clear, so you look up and see his mask bunched up by his chin.
“Taehyung, your mask,” you chided, securing your own up your nose bridge.
“No one’s around! Look!” He said, waving at the trees, at the rail that angles towards the river because of how many people lean on it everyday.
His arm is still around you, the pace of your walk dwindles to a shuffle. It’s cold and you hadn’t met each other in a couple of days, long enough for him to notice and drive up to meet you like this.
The guilt gnaws.
Pushing that away for the moment, you tuck yourself even more against him. Immediately, he swings you both so that you’re in between two trees, its twigs are exposed, the tiny buds of leaves hanging on for Spring. Gently, he tugs your mask down, the flimsy thing giving way immediately. His fingers are cold, the tip of his nose is red, he looks at you like you hung the stars and the moon.
And you thaw because you’re just normal people, so why not?
Cold fingers find each other, he takes your hands, slides them into his pockets. Lately, his touch is more than familiar, moulded to yours. It’s like that before the distance shrinks, your lips both being slightly chapped but the contact is electric. It’s baffling how thatcan assuage the storm in your mind. How Taehyung’s kiss, a facet of his love, can make you feel warm from within.
When you pull back, your hands are still in his pockets and his nose is redder than ever.
“Come back to mine?”
Your smile is probably so loud, anyone in your vicinity can hear it.
“Okay.”
-
Taehyung switches the vinyl for a smaller one, the music comes out as bluesy and warm. It takes a moment for him to place the needle once it swings out, skipping a track or two. His living room is open plan, the floor heating is just right. Behind the enormous TV is an accent wall made up of slabs of stone, a pleasant break from all the smooth marble.
You couldn’t help it, you were retreating into yourself again. You’re not really present. Then, Taehyung is next to you, lacing his fingers through yours, his slim bracelets with their metal pendants pressing on your wrist. You say to yourself that you’re happy to be in the silence, thinking in those seconds.
The most frustrating thing is the lack of control. It can happen at any time or at any place. And the worry is not being able to work through it, the worry is someone noticing. A paranoia that strips you back as if you’re transparent, anxieties flashing in offensive neon. He squeezes your hand, you hope it’s not too clammy from how you’re trying to calm yourself down.
“Missed you,” he said, as he does in random moments, even when you’re right next to him.
On a typical day, it would be sweet, but now this passing affection rocks through you privately. You’re transported to how many days you were away, the hours you worked, the nights you weren’t together. It’s selfishly unfair that the one time he gets an extended break is the time you’re the busiest, only having time to eat, shower, then sleep. You forget your own habits, unaware of how taxing they can be until you promise to spend the night at his and come to a sight where he’s stayed up past three in the morning, giving you a tired smile and opening his arms.
He would joke that your schedule is tougher than his, You sure you’re not actually an idol?
Panic marks a change in altitude in your organs, causing your stomach to drop. You scramble to interpret what Taehyung meant. But the rational part of you knows that it’s enough for him that you’re near him, holding his hand. He leans his head on your shoulder, dark hair falling in a slow part, some strands being so wispy they tickle your cheek.
“I’m sorry,” you suddenly blurt out, voicing your guilt. That had him sitting up suddenly, his black shirt in a slouch, revealing more of his neck.
“Why? What’s wrong?” He asked, far too kind, kinder than the voices in your mind at present.
“It’s just… I’m - I haven’t been here,” you said, cringing as it’s so crude out loud. Taehyung’s brows knit together, seemingly clueless.
Of course he is, you never tell him anything these days.
He says your name, piercing your doubts. It’s kind of off now - you giving an opening without explanation.
“It’s nothing,” you conclude, not quite comprehending anything past the roar in your ears. Taehyung brings his hand up to push the hair that slipped out of place, you shrink as if struck by lightning. He registers your sudden change, you can’t even explain that.
Etta James laments about stormy weather, how it keeps raining all of the time.
Taehyung tries again, you keep still, letting his hand cradle the side of your face, his seeking fingers tangling in your hair.
“It’s not nothing,” he murmurs. His voice is low, you can’t meet him in the eye, all you see is the frayed collar of his favourite white shirt. It’s not much but you speak, pulling at the string of his sweatpants.
“It’s just…”
You shouldn’t tell him. You’ve been resilient so far and Taehyung’s got enough on his plate. March is soon and this break was meant to be a proper respite away from the cameras. Rehearsals loomed overhead, his schedule is growing in demands by the day.
“Want to talk about it?”
You take a deep breath.
Do you even want to bring it up?
It’s so… trivial.
Sotransient.
In front of you, he waits, he doesn’t rush you. Finally, you take in a shaky breath and say what you’ve been letting your mind run amok with for the past weeks.
“I get tired. I know that my body can’t keep up with everything that I want to do but I need to be moving, to be doing something. I need to feel useful.”
You think about your life, how it’s turned out. You stop yourself, plugging the stream of words that could gleam what was going on inside. It’s yourproblem, these were your issues that you had to work through. It’s been like this all your life, always internally fixing things, patching up the spillage from stress, then sweeping it away.
So far, you’ve been good. Able to stand on your own, confident that Taehyung wasn’t going to see the cracks for a while. Things like this, you didn’t want to bother him with. The pressure on him is enough, you didn’t need him to worry about things that would eventually pass. Bringing you back, he closes his hand over yours making your palm face upwards, his short fingernail tracing patterns. A star, a heart, a smiley face.
“Life gets busy. It’s okay to rest. You’re not less of a person if you stop and take care of yourself.”
“But that’s the thing, I find it hard to stop. It’s like I run towards it, this… burn out,” you said, adding a small laugh because of how ridiculous it sounded aloud.
“I want you to try to put your happiness first. I want you to do that.”
That makes you choke up a little bit, “I’m happy. I really am. I just get tired, is all.”
Ensuring that you’re looking at him in the eye, he stops drawing on your skin, his words sink in instead.
“You work hard. You do enough.”
How do you tell him that it actually goes beyond exhaustion? That rest gives way to guilt? That the cycle is personal, tailored to you.
“I know the guilt. And I know you do more, you’re always doing something. You don’t see it because you’re always looking ahead.”
You say the next thing because you never had the chance to say it out loud - not even to yourself.
“I find it hard to say no. I get paranoid that people will hate me if I’m not one-hundred percent there all the time. At work, in life.”
With you.
You don’t mean for it to sound like an accusation but it still does. Taehyung keeps his hand over your yours, those warm, brown eyes observe you with a keen interest.
“It’s okay to tell me to go away if you need some time for yourself, I won’t think that you hate me - I don’t think you can, to be honest.”
You allow yourself to laugh, playfully shoving at chest. You’re surprised that you let him see more than what you expected.
“I don’t know what you see in me really…”
Taehyung gives you a long, hard look. Pressing his lips into a tight line, the apples of his cheeks go fuller as he inhales deeply. Then, he gets serious, his eyes going all soft and tender.
“I love you somuch. I wish you could see yourself the wayIsee you.”
Again, you deflect, new to all of this, “you have to say that, I’m your girlfriend.”
He just shrugs, “that’s a given, of course. But I write most of my songs about you - Namjoon-hyung tells me that I’ve gone on a complete one-eighty, the track list makes him curl his fingers because it’s so sentimental.”
Embarrassed, your forehead connects with his collarbone. He smells faintly of lavender, the scent interweaved his shirt. He cages his arms around you, laughing softly. He’s shy about it too. Taehyung’s always been like this, so easy to love.
“You sure you aren’t writing for ARMY?” You asked.
Gently, he parts with you and you are a met with a look of consternation: a tilt of his head, lips drawn in a tight line but still somehow quirking into a smile.
“Anyone can interpret it how they like. I just know that the whole album is turning out to be giant love letter to you.”
You don’t know why your eyes are stinging, “why are you so mushy for?”
He shrugs again, “happens when I’m around you. And it gets worse when I’m not. But I get clingy, I know.”
Something overtakes you then, a feeling that had its origins from the beginning, but has now bloomed into something robust. With him, you didn’t need to wonder or ask for his love, he says ‘I love you’ for the simplest of reasons: nothing could be truer to him than anything else. When you said it to each other first time, you realised that there are a number of things you might have been conveying. Taehyung said it to you after smuggling it in a question of ‘do you love me?’ But you know that he does even before he said out loud. It’s hard to ignore when you feel it all of the time.
Is this how it feels to belong?
“I love you.”
He scrunches his nose, “I take it back, you get clingy too.”
“I’m not the one who wrote an entire album about how much you love me.”
“Sorry for thinking that you deserve everything and more,” he nags gently. You feel him trace his knuckle on top of your cheek, the barest contact inciting goosebumps.
You’re grateful that you’re indoors this time because you can kiss him. Here, amongst the items familiar to you both, you can be bold. Leaning close, you press your lips against his and smile into the kiss.
“I put some of my stuff in storage the other day and cleaned up the spare office for you to use,” he mumbled, humming against your mouth.
You nip at his bottom lip, pulling back due to the memory of him entering your apartment, often seeing you, your laptop, and your poor posture against the working day.
“Oh really?” You asked, eyebrows raising.
“Yeah. I wanted you to have a proper desk, I know how it feels to have a bad back. A new chair is on the way too.”
You don’t deserve him. He always goes above and beyond.
“I can hear you thinking - you deserve these things.”
“Fine. Thank you for saving me from having a hunchback.”
He leans close, nudging his nose against yours, “it’s coming next week, and I still have some time if you need help moving the big stuff.”
Oh.
Months back, you can’t exactly pinpoint when, Taehyung mentioned about moving in together. After staying some nights at his, you realise that he had been diligently carving some space in his apartment, hollowing out little nooks for you to put your own touch.
At once, you get how it must look for him. You hadn’t said a word or indicated your interest. You look at him, how he’s waiting, the way he fidgets with the hem of your shirt. You cast your mind back on how he’s seeing you on his own accord more and more -
“You’re worried that I’m going to say no.”
Taehyung is quick to hide it, smiling immediately, “no, of course not! I was just saying…”
You grasp at the the diamond in your necklace, the one he gave you. Earlier, you saw the array of items that were once in your house now in his as these incidental additions. In your mind, you were on board with the idea from the start. You spent most days here, evidenced by your wilted plants lined up on your window sill. Half of the KAWS toys were yours anyway, the couch is overtaken.
It’s so selfish to stay stuck in your head like this. Even more so to think that Taehyung didn’t need the same reassurance just because he is the one more willing to give, the one showing all sides of him, good or bad. He was looking at your hands instead of your eyes now.
“I’m sorry that I never said anything more about moving in. I want to, I want that. It’s just… I didn’t want to burden you ‘cause I get like this. I get all,” you start, grasping for the right word, “hermit-ey. I’m used to doing things alone.”
Taehyung’s smile dips, the recognition is there and that breaks your heart a little. He takes your hands, running his thumbs over the back in an unhurried caress.
“You could never be a burden to me.”
“I know.”
He adjusts your position so that you’re leaning on the couch more comfortably, positioning you on his lap securely.
“I like it when you need me but I like it just as much when you tell me what going on. You know, so I can back off a little.”
You shake your head, “I don’t want you to do that.”
“I know.”
Things go quiet, you fiddle with his bracelet. Nearby, the turntable has stopped; a new track was playing through the surround sound.
Dumb conversations, we lose track of time
Have I told you lately
I’m grateful you’re mine
Taehyung smoothes your hair down, “I always want you near. I want to see your slippers next to mine when I come home after a long day. I want to hear your bad singing in the shower, in the kitchen - ”
You swat him for that, remembering the date when he brought home TATA mic’s. You spent the evening giving a new tune to old classics, munching on macarons and being so stupidly in love.
You could be dancing on tabletops
Wearing high-heels
“I want you with me always, if I can help it.”
Drinking until the world
Spins like a wheel
You don’t hold back, not this time.
“I want that too. All of it and more,” you said.
But tonight your apartment
Had so much appeal
Taehyung grins, his features lighting up, “more?”
It was an unintentional slip, a loving one.
Who needs stars?
We’ve got a roof
The sun rises, peeking through the mesh of the curtain as if hesitating to intrude. You think about everything that has happened, where your life is heading, how you feel a lot more secure than you did.
So what if you get like this again?
There are people around who are willing to pick you up, to lift you where you’re collapsed in a heap. There’s Taehyung, who will always look at you, holding you in his arms, like he is now.
With a pleasant kind of tired, you tuck your chin over his shoulder, your hearts slowing to a synchronised beat. Taehyung embraces you without prompt, arms securing around you loosely. Suddenly, you miss him then, so you pull back, you look at his face. He blinks, his smile small yet fond.
Maybe, when the days get tough you can lean on someone for once and not have to face things alone.
You look at him, at those dark eyes, the faint mole on those rosy lips, his soft, brown hair.
“Taehyung.”
Maybe you can have something more. It doesn’t have to be grand but it’s enough that you can both see it in the future.
But there’s nothing
After the dust has settled and the roar of the crowd is just a memory. When things can really slow down and you can build something for yourselves, together.
Like doing nothing
With you
“Can you come and help me bring in some of my things here?”
Summary: In the land of Aster, a powerful queendom, all female daughters of the queen are blessed by the Goddess and are immune to poison. Your mother, the Queen, is ready to step down and offer her place to you but according to tradition, the heir of Aster has to be married to ascend to the throne. You despise the fact that you have to be married to rule. As an act of rebellion, you announce that you will marry the prince of the one kingdom your mother had warned you not to.
“It’s ridiculous,” you said, walking underneath an archway covered in vines. “She decided all on her own like it isn’t my life she’s talking about. And now everyone knows and they are expecting me to be engaged by summertime.”
Abigail tightened her cloak around her petite form. It was a chilly morning and while you were mostly indifferent to the cold bite of late winter, your cousin was much more affected. “She thinks that what she’s doing is for the best. There has been talk about it. You know they have been wondering why you have never accepted any courting offers.”
“Because I don’t want any courting offers.” A strong gust of wind blew your hair back. You had let it cascade freely around your shoulders devoid of any intricate braids and jewelled pins. “Why do I have to get married? This must be the most pointless tradition to have ever existed. I don’t need to get married to have heirs and I certainly don’t need a man to rule.”
Abigail had to rush her steps to keep up with you. It had been her idea to go on a walk in the gardens but it seemed like she might be regretting it soon. “You don’t but it is what it is. It is what everyone expects. But it doesn’t have to be a big deal. You said it yourself that being married doesn’t matter in the way you rule the land. Don’t give the marriage any more significance than you have to.”
“That’s easier said than done,” you said. “He will be sitting on the throne next to mine and everyone will expect to see us together at the balls and ceremonies. I can’t ignore the fact that he will be my husband.”
He would be always there, nobles would ask after him, the servants would gossip about how much or how little time you spent together, people would wonder how soon you would get pregnant with the next heir. Your mother had complicated pregnancies and, despite her many attempts, you had no siblings. You were the only daughter of the reigning queen, the only one who had The Gift.
Oh wow what a great start! I was so excited when I read the notification for this first chapter. It truly doesn’t disappoint. Can’t wait to read what happens next! So curious to know why the mother is so against Gwangsu
summary: taehyung lashes out at his new dogwalker. and he will be sorry for that. you’ll make sure of it.
or: taehyung is liking his wounds, yeontan is liking his balls and you kind of want to lick taehyung’s balls. it’s a story of long walks – figuratively and physically.
rating:overall m [and i mean it this time]
additional tags: e2f2l, age gap [10 years], heartbroken taehyung [at the beginning], former idol taehyung, model taehyung, sugar daddy taehyung, college student reader
info/note: this story continues where chapter 20 of stolen dances leaves off. you do nothave to read stolen dances first, but you’ll get spoilered if you read stolen walks first. lower case letters intended. and i do not want to hear a wooooord about yeontan not being able to still be alive that long in the future. please, have a heart.
