Summary: “Were you looking for this?” Taehyung asked as he handed you the box of tampons you always bought. He remembered.
You wanted to sink into the floor and die. Instead, you recalled your manners and said, “Thanks.” You put the box in your basket. “I can’t believe you remembered.”
He beamed at you. It was patently unfair how he could look all glowy and soft while you looked… not like that. “Of course, Y/N.” If possible, Taehyung’s voice dropped even lower. “I remember everything about you.”
I needed this story so badly. I could write a 5,000 word essay on why I love this story but I won’t do that - instead I’ll just say that I’m going to start calling people a “dense cabbage” way more often. Also…seeing your ex with a shiny fiancée and all that…that shit hurts and this story made me feel like maybe I have a Taehyung out there ok ok ok. I’m done.
@amethystwritesbts HUGSHUGSHUGS!! I’m glad the fic could be comforting and I’m so sorry about exes and shiny fiancées and blargh!!! You have a Taehyung out there and I hope you find him sooner than later (and perhaps with a lot less drama)! Thank you for your lovely reblog and the amazing hashtags. THANK YOU!!!
Author:vyduan Pairing: Kim Namjoon | Reader, Kim Taehyung | Reader Genre: angst, idolverse, exes, friends to lovers, slow burn, canon compliant, smut Word Count: 8.5k Rating: Explicit, 18+ Warnings:misogynistic language, racialized language, swearing, legal consumption of alcohol and cannabis, mentions of guns
Notes: Special thanks as always to @bangtanbeforebitches for her vibe checks and encouragement. Thanks also to my CH friends supertasterandlawyerjin for being sensitivity readers and my possums for helping me out with all my cannabis and drug related questions!
Summary: “Get up, mèi,” said Alton as he threw your weighted blanket back. “We’re moving to the beach house.”
You sat up, bleary-eyed and annoyed. “You have a beach house?”
“I do now,” he replied. “There’s no furniture yet, but whatever. We don’t really need it.”
“Why wouldn’t we need furniture? I like furniture.”
“Has Y/N signed with another label? I miss her.” - Twitter user, June 2022
“Glad to see that HYBE finally came to their senses and dropped that wh0r3. B1tch was sniffing around BTS a little too much.” - Twitter user, June 2022
“It’s been over a year since we’ve had new Y/N content. The music scene just isn’t the same without her.” - Twitter user, June 2022
“I hope Y/N is okay wherever she is, whatever she’s doing.” - Twitter user, June 2022
June 2022
“Get up, mèi,” said Alton as he threw your weighted blanket back. “We’re moving to the beach house.”
You sat up, bleary-eyed and annoyed. “You have a beach house?”
“I do now,” he replied. “There’s no furniture yet, but whatever. We don’t really need it.”
“Why wouldn’t we need furniture? I like furniture.”
It was too early for this sort of nonsense. You were still hungover from sobbing your fucking brains out when Ha-joon left for Korea yesterday and unless Ha-joon was at the beach house, you didn’t have any fucks to give.
Alton tsked and hauled you out of bed. “Come on, come on. We’re going to be late.”
You squinted at the weak light coming from the window. “Alton, it’s barely light out. What do you mean we’re going to be late?”
“I signed us up for surfing lessons.” Alton was practically vibrating with excitement.
“No.”
“YES!”
Your eyes deceived you as you saw one Alton Kuang bouncing and clapping out of happiness.
“I don’t believe in water,” you grated out.
“You what?”
“You heard me. I don’t believe in water.”
“Like, in its existence?”
You huffed. “Like, as a lifestyle choice. Especially if it’s cold and requires me to be wet.”
“I mean, you might not mind,” Alton smirked.
“You’re disgusting.”
“You’re doing it wrong.”
“Just give it a try, mèi,” whined Alton. “For me. Please?”
You regarded your friend and sighed. “Fine. But just know this is under protest.”
“Yes, yes. Under protest. Under duress. But still, you’ll do it?”
You forced yourself out of bed. For Alton, you would get into the cold, polluted Pacific Ocean.
“You do know that the water is cold here, right?”
Alton scoffed. “Of course I knew that.” He paused. “Wait, did I know that?”
“What’s gotten into you anyway? I never found you a particularly sporty person.”
You attempted to wash your face then gave up. What was the point when you were going to be a drowned rat?
“I have a six month sabbatical and I’m going to do all the things,” replied Alton. “I’ve never had a sabbatical before,” he mused. “And I’ve really never made the time to do the things I wanted to do. So now, I’m going to do all the things — and you’re going to join me because nothing’s better than forcing your friends to like the things you like.”
“Erm, I can think of a few,” you grumbled, but Alton’s effervescent mood was contagious. There was no heat to your words. You decided you could pretend at being a decent human being. “What are some of the other items on your list of all the things?”
Alton’s handsome face broke out into a grin.
“I want to learn Krav Maga and kick ass! And learn to cook — like fancy cooking! And skydive! And bungee jump! And run a marathon! And maybe do a triathlon! And learn to scuba dive! Learn how to shoot a gun! Use a bow and arrow! And all the things, mèi! All the things!”
Suddenly, you felt unmoored. It never occurred to you that Alton, of all people, had things left undone. That Alton, breezy billionaire Alton, could possibly feel trapped by his life — although the more you thought about it, of course he would feel that way.
He wasn’t the oldest of his extended family, but certainly, he was the most responsible and the most capable. All his other siblings and cousins had no interest in the family business and only wanted to fritter away their fortune. It had somehow fallen upon Alton to step up for his generation and keep the empire going.
And it wasn’t that you’d never seen Alton happy, but you’d never seen him quite so young or exuberant. You decided that for Alton, you would help leave no stone unturned in his life. If Alton wanted it, you would give it to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Y/N L/N’s memoir, ‘Telling a Truth Is a Slippery Slope’ (Red Lantern Publishing House, October 2023) has been optioned by Hybe Corporation, L/N’s former entertainment company. This will be Hybe’s first foray into moviemaking and industry insiders are simultaneously doubtful and hopeful that this will mark the beginning of new voices in the movie industry.” - Deadline, August 2024
“I can’t believe they signed Y/N as the lead for the movie based on her memoir. This will either be perfect or spectacularly bad. TBH, I’m hoping for the latter.” -Twitter user, May 2025
“Rumor has it that Kim Taehyung is attached to play the male lead and romantic interest in Hybe’s yet untitled movie based on Y/N L/N’s memoir. Despite currently serving his military service, the power of BTS is undeniable and anticipation mounts for the project.” - The Hollywood Reporter, September 2025
“SUGA is attached to write and produce the soundtrack of ‘A Slippery Slope,’ the Y/N L/N biopic. Hybe is pulling out all stops and risking big on L/N’s little memoir that upended the K-music industry.” - Billboard, February 2026
“Bad news for BTS ARMY hoping for a new comeback soon. Though the remaining members have all finished their military service, Kim Taehyung is in preparations for filming ‘A Slippery Slope’ and other members are otherwise occupied until at least December. Never fear, though. Kim Namjoon has dropped hints of RM 4 soon.” -Koreaboo, March 2026
March 2026
By now, Namjoon knew he wasn’t seeing things, and still — still it threw him for a loop when he saw you with a woman he did not recognize, chatting and eating at the HYBE cafe. He’d heard you were in Seoul to work with Yoongi on the soundtrack and had known it was just a matter of time before he ran into you at the office.
He’d had years to think and work through his issues and still — still, his stomach dropped when he saw you.
You were still so, so beautiful.
Without his own volition, Namjoon found himself at your table, opening his big, stupid mouth. “Hey, noona.”
Your eyes panicked for a quick moment before you tamped that down and forced yourself to smile. You even managed to inject some pretense at joy in your voice. “Hey, Namjoon. You look good.”
“So do you, noona.”
He meant it, too.
“Oh, Namjoon, this is my friend, Ahn Mirae. She’s a visiting Professor of Theology at Yonsei University,” you said. “Mirae, this is Kim Namjoon of BTS.”
Until you’d made introductions, Namjoon’d had his eyes trained on you. But as soon as he focused on Ahn Mirae, his brain blanked. Mirae was a knockout. Beautiful, tawny skin. Curves upon curves. Gorgeous curls. Laughing eyes.
“Um, nice to meet you,” he bumbled out in English.
“A pleasure to meet you, too,” Mirae replied in perfect Korean.
“Wow, your Korean is so good! You don’t have any accent at all,” he babbled. “It’s better than Y/N’s.”
You cracked a wry smile. “It should be. She was born and raised in Seoul.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry — I thought — I thought you were African American? I just assumed you chose your Korean name based on my friend Tiger JK’s wife, Yoon Mi-rae.”
“I think I’m a little too old for her to be my father’s inspiration, but I appreciate you thinking I am,” Mirae cracked.
Namjoon just kept fucking up. He really wished the earth would open and swallow him whole, but then, he’d miss out on Mirae’s gorgeous face and hazel eyes.
“My father is Korean and my mother is Black,” Mirae continued patiently, as if she was used to this line of questioning. Actually, she probably was. Namjoon instantly felt shame. “I split my time between Seoul and Los Angeles, where my mom’s family is from,” she added generously.
“Ah, that’s so cool,” he said.
“I suppose it was cool,” Mirae said, “if you like being bullied for being different and having people constantly question your right to exist.”
Namjoon could feel his entire face heat up. He did not know what to say. “I’m sorry,” he said instead. “That’s awful and you didn’t deserve any of it.”
“I’m just fucking with you, Namjoon.”
“Oh,” Namjoon responded, voice cracking.
“I mean, I was bullied and people were awful and continue to be awful — but that’s not what I normally lead with.” Mirae’s eyes danced at him.
Namjoon nodded stupidly. “Ah, I see.” Namjoon threw a desperate look in your general direction and he heard you audibly sigh.
“Mirae, he just got out of the military. Let’s let his poor little brain catch up,” you said in English, adding, “Don’t let his 148 IQ fool you — Namjoon’s dumb but sweet. He means well and generally, tries not to be problematic.”
Mirae arched a mocking eyebrow. If that was your version of a rescue, Namjoon wasn’t sure he wanted it. He summoned all his years of leading BTS and rallied forward. “How do you know each other?”
“Y/N was a guest lecturer at Yonsei University and I happened to attend her session,” replied Mirae. “I made the mistake of asking a question and she hasn’t given me a moment’s rest since then.”
“Not my fault it was a good question,” you huffed. “I fuck with deep thinkers.”
Mirae winked at Namjoon and his collar felt too tight.
“What was the question?” he asked.
Mirae grinned. “I asked if perhaps Y/N hated a false Christian god made in the image of white supremacist patriarchy. And that perhaps the face of god is a Black woman.”
“What did you say?” Namjoon had always loved the way your brain worked. He was pleased to note the years had kept that intact.
“I said that if I were ever to believe in the Christian myth again, that the Black feminist liberation interpretation appealed to me most,” you answered.
“She’s been on my dick ever since.”
“It’s a nice dick,” you replied serenely.
“I didn’t realize you two were together —” stammered Namjoon.
“Oh, Joonie,” you giggled. “My poor spring lamb. Mirae is stunning and if I could ever deserve her, I would fall at her feet in worship. As it is, I could never and so, I do not.”
Namjoon’s head hurt. “Noona, could you please just speak like a normal person?”
“I’m not dating Mirae, Namjoon,” you replied drily. “Mirae is single at the moment and if you play your cards right, I’ll put in a good word for you. But no guarantees — she has standards.”
“Noona!” Just once, Namjoon wished he had a better sense of self-preservation. And yet, he could not bring himself to regret greeting you if it meant he’d meet Mirae.
“Where have you been hiding him, Y/N?” laughed Mirae. “He’s adorable.”
You rolled your eyes. “As if I could hide him. He’s gotten even huger — Jesus, Namjoon. What have they been feeding you?”
“I — just, um, normal food things?” Normal food things. Namjoon was going to have to move. “I have to go.”
He abruptly turned and exited the cafeteria and made it all the way to his studio before he realized he never bought his lunch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Saw Joonie today and for once, did not feel overcome with self-loathing. Still nervous as fuck, but I’ll take it.” - Y/N L/N, Journal Entry (March 2026)
March 2026
“You naughty bitch,” Mirae hissed as soon as Namjoon was out of earshot. “Is he your fucking gentle giant?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied, as prim and proper as you could manage.
“Heis,” Mirae crowed. “Did he look like that when you ghosted him?”
“Jesus, no,” you acknowledged, grateful that Mirae’s comment didn’t sting quite as much as it would have even a few months ago. Maybe that meant you could finally move on. “He was on his way, though. No fair his revenge bod is better than mine.”
Mirae stopped and gave you a careful once over. “I’d call it even. You still keeping up with Krav Maga in Seoul?”
“Haven’t really had the time, but I do box occasionally with Jungkook’s trainer. He goes easy on me but I don’t mind.” You took a bite of your egg tart. “Mostly I’m attending as many dance classes as possible to prep for filming.”
“You should get Hoseok to give you one on one lessons.” Mirae waggled her brows. “I don’t know how you only ended up fucking one member after all these years.”
“They’re hot but so dumb,” you responded good-naturedly. “Like a pack of overgrown puppies. It’s hard to consider them anything but family.”
“HA!” Mirae guffawed. “Jesus knows you for a liar!”
“Look, I’ve got eyes! I’m not saying they’re not ridiculously attractive!” You held up both hands in surrender. “I’m just saying that I’ve been down that road — and I have no intention of doing so again. I should have learned from Johnny before that, but I clearly didn’t.”
“It’s hard not to shit where you eat when the menu looks like Kim Namjoon,” mused Mirae sympathetically.
“It wasn’t even his looks, Mirae. He was just so goddam good,” you said softly. “He is still such a good man.”
“You okay?”
You glanced up to meet Mirae’s incisive gaze. Despite often being on the sharp end of her tongue, you knew Mirae loved you. It didn’t matter that you’d only known her a year or so — and that most of the friendship had been conducted over Kakao Talk. Something about her called to you.
You knew it must have been so difficult growing up Black in Korea — colorism and blood purity was definitely a thing. Add up the general anti-Blackness in America and choosing academics and theology of all emphases — Mirae knew what it was like to be an outsider. She knew intimately how lonely it could get, how her very existence was used against her. She knew the violence of being erased.
You could not help but be drawn to her brilliant mind. That Mirae was a badass and hysterically funny was a bonus.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” you replied.
Mirae’s entire demeanor softened. “Was I too hard on him? Was it too soon to tease you?”
You chuckled. “It’s been years, Mirae. I know you rode him so hard because you actually want to ride him.”
“Hoes before bros, Y/N. I would never.”
“You know…” Your voice trailed off for a few seconds. “It’s not a terrible idea.”
“What’s not a terrible idea?” Mirae asked as she dug back into her cheesecake.
“You and Joon.”
“He wouldn’t be able to handle me.”
You shrugged.
“You yourself just told me he was a big, dumb baby.”
You shrugged again.
“I do like them big and dumb though,” Mirae deliberated. “You sure you wouldn’t mind?”
You lifted both brows.
“I’m in. Tell me everything.”
———
Pick your poison: ◯ Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang - Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg ◯ Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
Round 2: ◯ Rain (Supa Dupa Fly) - Missy Elliott ◯ Get Ur Freak On - Missy Elliott -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
Round 3: ◯ Sober - Tool ◯ Judith - A Perfect Circle -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
Round 4: ◯ Winter - Tori Amos ◯ Cruel - Tori Amos -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
Round 7: ◯ Rock Me Gently - Erasure ◯ A Little Respect - Erasure -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
Round 8: ◯ Control - Janet Jackson ◯ If - Janet Jackson -Y/N L/N, Twitter Poll April 2026
“i don’t even know half of these artists” - Twitter user, April 2026
“OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT IS Y/N MAKING MUSIC AGAIN SHE ONLY POSTS POLLS WHEN SHE IS OH SHIT OH SHIT FUCK” - Twitter user, April 2026
April 2026
“I’m not feeling it,” said Yoongi.
You collapsed onto the couch in his studio. “You’ve been saying that for the last few weeks.”
“And I mean it every time.” Your old friend complained and sank into the couch next to you.
“I don’t know what you expect from me — you’re the genius.”
“If you would just listen to them and give me your feedback —”
“No.”
“It would work better if we could work on it together,” he insisted.
Your stomach tightened. “They hired you, SUGA of BTS, to write the soundtrack to my biopic. They didn’t hire me.”
“Which also makes no sense.” He shook his head. “Why won’t you sing on it at least? Taehyung is.”
“I told you. I don’t do music anymore.” Yoongi needed to mind his own business.
“Right. You’re a serious author and actor.” Yoongi’s tone bordered on mockery. “What are you going to do when they need you to sing and dance for the film?”
You hated how Yoongi brought up very good points. You had not thought that far ahead — only that you would figure it out eventually and eventually hadn’t happened yet.
“I don’t know. Probably lip sync.”
Yoongi scoffed. “You’re shit at lip syncing.”
“You’re one to talk. I have never seen a group of K-pop singers be so shitty at a basic skill.”
“Stop deflecting.” Yoongi tongued his cheek and you ignored how infuriatingly hot he was. All these years and still, the man was a menace. His tongue was a menace.
“Put your tongue away before you hurt yourself,” you sniped without thinking.
A predatory light instantly flashed in his dark eyes. “Got any suggestions for where I should put it?” Yoongi taunted.
You sucked in a breath as your blood thrummed with desire. You forcibly quelled that hollow ache. This was Yoongi — this was how he was with you. Provoking. Tantalizing. Frustrating.
Clearly you needed to end your self-imposed moratorium on sexual relations and get fucked and get fucked good.
It had been so long since you’d been with a man — you sometimes couldn’t believe that the last person you’d slept with had been Namjoon. You’d held out this long — you were not about to bend to the sheer charisma of Namjoon’s bandmate.
As always with Yoongi, you retreated. You capitulated to his superior sexual dominance.
“No,” you whimpered. That was not how you were supposed to sound.
Yoongi’s pupils blew out and the pink of his tongue slipped between his lips.
“No.” There. You sounded a smidge more resolute. Granted, the sheer speed at which you shot up from Yoongi’s sofa belied your attempt.
“You sure about that?”
The vocal fry in Yoongi’s voice made him sound like ground gravel. His mouth lifted at a dangerous angle. You needed to get the fuck out of Dodge.
“Yup!” you insisted brightly.
“Bullshit.”
The door beeped and Taehyung slammed his way through Yoongi’s studio door. “Hey, hyung —” Taehyung paused as he took in the scene before him. “Um, am I interrupting something?”
“Nope!” you replied just as Yoongi said “Yes.”
Taehyung tilted his head and widened his eyes at Yoongi. You ignored whatever sort of look Yoongi was sending back and slipped out the door.
“This isn’t over!” you heard Yoongi holler after you.
“It most definitely is!” you trilled back, your equanimity returning now that Yoongi was safely ensconced in his studio and nowhere near your person. “Byyeeeeee!”
Now, you just had to convince yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Suga was a vision in his classic airport styling: black on black, chic messenger bag, and black snapback. V joined his bandmate in loose golf shorts, sandals, and a flowy, patterned button down. Y/N underwhelmed as always in a Warriors cap and gray sweats. We wish everyone a safe flight to Los Angeles.” - Soompi, April 2026
April 2026
“Excuse me, miss,” Taehyung heard you say to the flight attendant as soon as you’d sat down. “Could I trouble you for a vodka soda? Heavy on the vodka, easy on the soda?” At the attendant’s murmured assent, you said, “Actually, can you make it two? No ice?”
Taehyung stowed his personal items to the side, and took out his tablet, queuing up the latest dramas and movies he wanted to catch up on. He noted how Yoongi already had his headphones on in the seat next to him while you had already kicked off your sneakers and were currently downing the two glasses of alcohol in quick succession. He did not recall you being a nervous flier but perhaps things had changed in the intervening years. He watched as you inserted your earbuds, pulled the hood over your cap and drew the brim down over your face.
“Is noona okay?” Taehyung leaned over to ask Yoongi.
Yoongi slipped his headphones around his neck and cupped a hand over his ear. “What?”
“Is noona okay?” he repeated. “She just downed like 3 shots of vodka.”
Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “Maybe she doesn’t like flying,” he observed.
“She didn’t used to. Noona’s been unusually quiet since the company sent us on this bonding trip to LA. Does she not want to be with us?” Taehyung swallowed down his worries. “Does she not want me to be in the movie?”
“She may love me but that’s not quite the same as wanting me to play her love interest.”
“It’s probably because they’re making her be on the soundtrack and she really doesn’t want to be. That or the fact that they told me to tap into her sound and inspirations or some shit.” Yoongi cleared his throat. “I can’t quite figure it out. She would have jumped at the opportunity back in the day. She loved to go on about her process and influences.”
Taehyung assessed his hyung. “Hmmm, maybe it’s you she doesn’t want to be around.”
“Is that right?” Yoongi chuckled. “And why do you say that?”
“I see you feeling her out.” Taehyung nodded sagely. “Noona is likely sick of your thirsty ass.”
“It’s how we are, Tae,” Yoongi said. “It’s how we’ve always been.”
“And it doesn’t bother Namjoon hyung?”
“A little too late for that — it’s been ten years.” Yoongi grinned. “Besides, he’s smitten with Y/N’s professor friend. He’d be fine if anything ever happened.”
Taehyung shook his head. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that, hyung. Just because he’s into someone new doesn’t mean he’d be cool with you and noona.”
“What did he say about you playing her love interest?”
Taehyung had to give it to Yoongi. He always knew how to land a clean hit.
“Hyung knows it’s just acting.” At Yoongi’s smug simper, Taehyung colored. “It is,” he insisted. “I would never —”
“Tch,” the older man interrupted. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Tae.”
“But —”
“But nothing,” Yoongi replied. “You have to create a shit ton of chemistry with Y/N and if it doesn’t read well on screen, the movie is dead in the water. You know this, right?”
“Of course. I can have chemistry with a paper bag.”
“You probably could.” Yoongi laughed for a second and then got serious. “There’s a reason co-stars often become couples in real life, Taehyung. Be careful with your heart.”
“Please, I’m not an amateur, hyung. I’ve fucked plenty of women without falling in love — and this isn’t even real fucking. It’s all pretend.”
“Right,” snorted Yoongi. “Maybe you’re judging me this hard because you secretly want to practice the love scenes ahead of time.”
“Why are you like this, hyung? I don’t think of noona like that, I just have to act like I do,” Taehyung exasperated. “That’s why it’s called acting.”
The older man shot him a lopsided smile. “She’s easy to fall for, Taehyung,” he said softly. Yoongi repositioned the headphones over his ears and left Taehyung with more questions than he’d started with.
———
“Noona, could we stop for food before we go to Alton hyung’s place? I’m really hungry.”
Taehyung could tell you were trying very hard to be accommodating. In fact, he was surprised you were even coherent. He had never seen a person be so determined to be conscious for as little time as possible and if he was honest, he was more than a little impressed. You’d clearly had practice in keeping your blood chemistry at a preferred level of intoxication for an extended period of time.
“What do you want to eat? We can swing by a drive-thru or something.”
Taehyung felt bad, but after the eleven hour flight, he really wanted something more substantial. “Could we get Korean barbecue?”
“Are you fucking serious?”
Shit. You sounded a lot less accommodating now.
“Yes?” Taehyung responded just as Yoongi said, “That sounds amazing.”
“You literally just arrived from Korea. Fucking Koreans!”
“And?” challenged Yoongi. “Is there a problem with us being Korean?”
“An entire world of different cuisine — and we’re in Los Angeles of all places — and all you want is Korean food!” You removed your cap, ran a hand through your hair and placed the cap back on. “You guys are seriously just like my parents. Oh, we’re in Wisconsin? Chinese food, please! Oh, it tastes terrible? I fucking wonder why!”
“But we’re in LA and it has a K-town,” Taehyung protested. “The food is just like home!”
“You’ve been in America for less than two hours!”
“I thought you liked Korean food, Y/N,” Yoongi needled. “I didn’t realize our people’s food was so objectionable.”
“Ido like Korean food, Yoongi,” you scowled, “I just like other food, too. Did it ever occur to you that I might be homesick, too? I’ve been in Korea for months now.”
Taehyung started to feel a little bad, but then, you sighed and dug your phone out of your purse.
“Ahgassi Gopchang isn’t open for lunch on weekdays,” you said. “Let me ask a friend what they recommend.”
“How do you not know the best K-BBQ places in K-town?” questioned Yoongi.
Taehyung wanted to kick Yoongi for not knowing when to stop but he was also curious.
“I’m almost never in K-town,” you replied. “I mostly stick to the San Gabriel Valley or the Westside. It feels more like home.”
“What’s in the San Gabriel Valley?” Taehyung asked.
“Taiwanese people,” you said, quirking a wry smile. “I guess we all stick to what is familiar.” You inhaled a deep calming breath. “It’s where Alton’s house is — unless you want to stay at his beach house in Malibu instead. But I think gē only built a recording studio at the San Marino residence.”
“Maybe we can check out the beach house on a day off? If that’s okay with you, noona?”
You nodded as you stared at your phone. “Cat unni says a lot of places are closed for lunch but we can always try Chosun Galbee — it should be open by the time we get there. It’s a classic and they should have a private room, too. Let me call ahead.”
Taehyung wasn’t sure who Cat noona was or why he found it so strange to see you doing all the legwork. You weren’t incompetent and it wasn’t as if he didn’t take care of things all the time back in Seoul. You just seemed more in charge in America — as if you had a better grasp on how things worked — and well, Taehyung supposed you did.
Not for the first time did he wonder which of your aspects were country-dependent.
———
“Y/N, we only have four weeks to bang this thing out and you’ve already wasted three days being hungover.”
Taehyung hadn’t heard Yoongi this stressed in a long time. He couldn’t quite hear your response but he definitely heard Yoongi’s. He poked his head out into the hallway.
“I don’t fucking care if it’s been awhile! I know you know how to make music. If you’re not going to help with the actual writing then I need you to at least give me something! I can only get so much from your discography.” Yoongi thunked his head against your closed door. “Please, Y/N,” he added, voice low and desperate.
You cracked open your door.
“Okay,” you said. You sounded awful. “I just — I just need about thirty minutes.”
“Okay,” replied Yoongi, relief evident. “I’ll be in the kitchen — we can walk over to the studio together.”
Taehyung gathered that Yoongi did not quite believe you were going to follow through so he decided to join Yoongi downstairs. They were chatting about nothing in particular when you stepped through fifteen minutes later with a lighter and — was that a joint?
“I didn’t know you smoked,” Yoongi said in a tightly controlled voice.
You eyed them warily. “Is that a problem?”
“You won’t do this in Korea, will you?” Taehyung asked worriedly. “Does the production company know?”
“Relax. It’ll be out of my system long before we get to Korea.” You flicked the lighter a few times. “If the smell is a problem I can switch to a vape pen.” You sighed. “The smell really is revolting. I would have taken a gummy but I never know when it will hit. It’s much easier to time this way.”
Yoongi’s face mirrored Taehyung’s. “Why do you need to time it?”
“Because I really cannot fucking deal with the noise in my head andwrite music or whatever the fuck it is you want me for without it, Yoongi.” You flicked the lighter a few more times. “I would take a shot or two but I’d rather not. It kills the rest of my day.”
“I — I didn’t realize,” Yoongi said.
You threw the lighter and the joint onto the counter in frustration. “Yeah, well, now you realize.”
“We don’t have to do this, Y/N. I can figure something else out.”
“I don’t need to be coddled,” you ground out. “I won’t be told I’m not pulling my weight. I will not be the reason this project fails.”
“I don’t want to traumatize you —”
You gritted your teeth. “You won’t.”
“You said it’s been awhile. When did you last write music?” Taehyung asked.
“Before my father died.” You stared morosely at the counter. “I haven’t written or listened to anything since then. I — I just can’t bear to.”
“Noona,” he gasped. “That was five years ago.”
You grabbed your lighter and the joint. “Yeah. Yeah it was,” you said as you went through the French doors to the back yard.
Taehyung’s eyes ached while he rubbed his chest. “Hyung,” he started to say and then stopped. What was there really to say?
“Fuck,” Yoongi muttered. “I guess I get to be the asshole for the next four weeks, huh?”
He stood and went straight to Alton’s liquor cabinet, rifling about until he found a bottle he liked. Knowing Yoongi, it was probably a whisky.
“I can sit in with you,” Taehyung offered.
Yoongi poured himself a generous three fingers and took a sip. “Yeah, okay.”
This was not looking out to be the breezy, bonding month he’d thought it was going to be.
———
It was painfully awkward.
After hours of Yoongi gamely trying to ask you questions about what music meant to you, the artists you loved — even the stories behind your songs or how you were feeling at certain moments that stuck out to him in the screenplay — it was obvious you were unable (or unwilling) to be real with him. Yoongi was a patient man, but even he could not prevail.
“I don’t understand why this is so hard, Y/N,” Yoongi finally sighed. “We used to talk about music all the time. For hours. Don’t you remember?”
You crooked your mouth. “It was a long time ago, Yoongi.” You reached for his almost empty tumbler and slammed the remains, wincing. Taehyung sympathized.
“It’s a waste when you don’t savor it.”
“All whisky is wasted on me,” you retorted. “If we used to talk about music so much, why do you even need me right now? You know me, Yoongi. You know my music. You know what I sound like. Just do your thing.”
“Don’t you think I’ve been trying to do that all these months? I started as soon as I got signed! It’s just not hitting right. I sound like I’m trying to sound like you.”
“Then sound like yourself! It’s supposed to be music inspired by the movie, not necessarily a carbon copy of me. Who cares if it sounds like me — I don’t even know what sounds like me anymore. I don’t even know what music sounds like anymore.”
Yoongi slumped even lower on the couch in the studio. “Everyone I’ve asked for feedback from sends it back saying it’s good but not right.”
You grimaced. Taehyung hated how stilted it felt between the three of you. Later, when he thought back to the evening, he wouldn’t know what had possessed him to ask — but he was grateful for the nudge anyway.
“Why Namjoon hyung, noona?” he asked. “I always had my money on you and Yoongi hyung.”
“Yoongi?” You scoffed. “Please.”
“Oh, come now. You said I was your bias! You could barely look me in the eyes half the time we spoke.” Yoongi chuckled as he poured himself more whisky. “You were too busy checking out my ass.”
“I did not!”
Taehyung laughed. “You really did stare at hyung like you wanted to eat him. Like all the time.”
“I will not tolerate such slander!”
“It was particularly funny since hyung was crazy about you.” Taehyung slid his eyes to Yoongi and held in a smirk. “He’s the reason our A&R team invited you backstage at our Taipei concert — and how Bang PD knew to buy out your contract.”
“What?” you cried as Yoongi sputtered, “There’s no need to go into detail about it. It’s been over a decade!”
“Hyung used to spam us with links to your content all the time. He made us all buy your albums and stream when you had comebacks.” Taehyung was enjoying Yoongi’s flushed face too much for his own good. “Come to think of it, both he and Jin hyung were obsessed with you.”
You sat up, the light finally back in your eyes. “How come no one ever told me?”
“Namjoon hyung probably liked the fact you were terrified of Yoongi. It worked out to his advantage, right?”
“He actually suggested I fuck Yoongi first,” you revealed. “Said Yoongi would be the perfect fuck buddy.”
“Did he really?” exclaimed Taehyung. “And you passed? So interesting!”
Yoongi scowled. “Even if Y/N had decided she’d want to fuck me, it doesn’t mean I would have reciprocated.”
“Oh, that’s hilarious, hyung,” Taehyung said. And then, because he really was curious, he asked again. “If hyung told you to go for Yoongi hyung first, how did you end up with him? What was it about Namjoon hyung that made you choose him?”
“Honestly?” Your eyes misted over in memory. “I think it’s just because he offered.”
Taehyung and Yoongi both tried to cover their laughter with coughs. “He offered?” stammered Taehyung as Yoongi couldn’t hold it in anymore and doubled over. “That’s it?”
You shrugged. “He was hot. He was willing. I trusted him and he offered. End of story.”
“That lucky fuck,” cackled Yoongi. “I am never letting him live this down!”
“Wait — seriously? You’re telling me if any of us had offered, you could have ended up with one of us instead?” questioned Taehyung. Jungkook was going to cry when he told him.
“What? No — that’s not what I said at all!”
“Oh, come on! We were hot, willing, and you trusted us, right?” insisted Taehyung.
“I mean, yes?” You hesitated. “But also, you weren’t quite hot at the time?”
Taehyung could not believe what he was hearing. “What?”
“I mean, like, yeah. You’re out-of-this-world good-looking now, but back then — when you debuted especially — you and Jungkook were kinda funny looking.”
“Are you drunk or high still?” accused Taehyung.
“I’m not saying you two were ugly — just that you had yet to grow into your features,” you insisted. “Whoever scouted you should be given multiple raises because look how hot you and Kookie turned out. Like, no credit needed for scouting Jin oppa because he was always beautiful. But Kook grew into his nose and you — well, you improved.”
“I can’t decide if I’m being insulted.”
Yoongi had not ceased cracking up. Finally, he choked out, “Oh, you’re definitely being insulted.”
Taehyung glowered. He wasn’t a vain person — but he also owned a mirror. He knew he was objectively attractive — and not just regular attractive. He was super star attractive. It was his actual job to capitalize on his looks and talents — and he was exceedingly good at his job.
You were clearly mistaken.
“Taehyungie, you obviously grew out of it. Some people never do. Look at poor Yoongi.”
To his credit, Yoongi barely acknowledged the dig. Easy for him — it had always been obvious how much you lusted after the man.
“Okay, now I know you’re full of shit,” Taehyung asserted. “The way you used to crumble around Yoongi hyung — fuck, aren’t your reaction videos still on YouTube?”
Your eyes widened as you suddenly realized it would be a relatively easy thing to prove you were completely sprung over Yoongi.
“Um, I don’t know?”
Taehyung pulled up YouTube on his phone. “Hyung, you think we can cast onto the TV?”
“I don’t think this is necessary,” you scrambled. “Also, it doesn’t prove anything other than I know what kind of reactions your fans love to see from me. It doesn’t have any bearing on the fact that you were definitely funny looking up through the Wings era.”
“Hurtful, noona,” he pouted.
“I’m not trying to be hurtful! I’m telling you you’re super hot now — why do you also have to be hot as a child? That’s inappropriate!”
Yoongi still hadn’t stopped laughing. He was huddled over, holding his stomach. All Taehyung could see were his hyung’s crinkled eyes and gummy smile. Taehyung felt unexpectedly fond.
Taehyung scrolled through your old reaction videos.
“I didn’t know you reacted to ‘Singularity,’” he said.
You tilted your head. “I don’t remember doing so but I guess I must have. I reacted to all your title songs and sometimes the other M/Vs when I had time.”
“This should put to rest your theory that I was funny looking.”
“It will do no such thing, Tae. This was after your man-face already came in.”
“My man-face?”
“Yes, yes. Your man-face. You know, when your jaw squares and you fill out and…” You waved your hand in the air vaguely. “You know what it is — your man-face!”
While you had been giving him the vocabulary lesson, Yoongi had figured out how to cast your “Singularity” reaction video onto the television screen. Suddenly, the three of you were confronted with your younger self grumbling at the camera.
“You were grumpy even then, noona,” quipped Taehyung.
You huffed and retorted, “Probably because I was being forced to react to my ungrateful labelmates all the time.”
Taehyung arched a brow. “Right. Forced.”
“I miss that old Big Hit intro,” you reflected. “Those little bouncy dots were so cute. The Big Hit Music intro just isn’t the same.”
Taehyung hummed his agreement as the opening chord hit.
Oh, shit, the you in the video immediately said. You squinted and leaned closer to the laptop. Is that a CGI hand? That’s really fucking cool!
“You thought it was a fake hand?” asked Yoongi incredulously.
“I was really confused, okay?” you defended. “To be fair, it does look like CGI.”
“You weren’t the only one who was confused, noona. I remember a decent number of reactors had the same reaction.”
Oh, shit! This song is sexy! you continued. Oh, it’s Tae’s hand! Dude, that finger choreo is sexy — oh, fuck! What’s with that face? Why are you making that face? Oh my god, his hand!
“How many times are you going to say the word, ‘sexy,’ Y/N?” Yoongi criticized. “I thought reactors were supposed to be more interesting than this.”
On screen, you paused the video, stared off camera, and complained to the PD in English. What is going on? Why is this video so sexy? Why does this song sound like it’s baby-making music? Is Tae old enough to be making baby-making music?
“You seem distressed,” observed Yoongi.
Taehyung snorted.
“Shut up,” you grumbled.
The three of you continued to watch you visibly devolve on screen. You let out a steady stream of Why! What? How? Taehyung? TAEHYUNG! interspersed with What are you doing with your face? You stop that! How dare you! Your fists clenched against your mouth as you hunched over the screen, wincing every few moments.
“Your vocabulary seems lacking, Y/N. I thought your Korean was better than that.”
Taehyung was definitely amused. If you wailing his name had catapulted Taehyung’s thoughts in a decidedly less friendly direction, he pretended not to notice. “Wow, they’re bleeping you out a lot. Can people even hear the track at this point?”
You cut him a hard glare. “Everyone knows that’s what the fans want. You know how it is.”
“Right.” It was too difficult for him to keep the smirk off his face and so Taehyung didn’t.
And then, right when the choreography had him dipping down low, you pushed away from the table and walked away with a loud No! Who allowed this? How is this allowed on the internet? This is illegal!
Yoongi and Taehyung could not contain their snickers.
“Still think I’m funny-looking, noona?”
“I told you! This was after your man-face already came in! Why can’t we watch my ‘Blood, Sweat and Tears’ reaction? I think I complain about your haircut the whole time!”
“Oh, look. The top comment under this is a link to your ‘Daechwita’ reaction,” Yoongi interjected. “We definitely need to watch that next.”
The horror crossing your face was almost as fantastic as your freaking out in the reaction video.
“This was the best idea,” sighed Taehyung.
“The worst!” you whined as you tried to get up and leave.
“The best,” grinned Yoongi as he pulled you back down and wrapped you in a hug. “The absolute best.”
From your lack of squirming away, Taehyung could tell you agreed.
———
Taehyung woke up with a groan. His neck hurt and his entire spine felt like it was crunched into awkward angles. In the background, the television was playing some arbitrary reaction video on mute. When he looked over at the couch, you and Yoongi were slumped to the side with you curled under the crook of the older man’s arm.
The two of you looked so cute together, he thought affectionately. It seemed to make perfect sense if you ended up a couple — as long as Namjoon was okay with it.
He didn’t know why his mind kept trying to pair you with his members. You had shown no sign of wanting to be in a relationship — his members or otherwise. Maybe it was the new knowledge from last night of just how amenable you would have been to any of them — and that Namjoon had simply been in the right place at the right time.
Poor Namjoon.
Except the more Taehyung thought about it, though the genesis of your relationship had been proximity and ease, by the end, you and Namjoon were wild for each other. The way you’d been in Namjoon’s pocket despite being a rather prickly sort — you had clearly fallen head over heels in love by then. It’s what had made your sudden disappearance all the more surprising and painful.
He reminded himself to find out what exactly made you love Namjoon — for research, of course.
Taehyung stumbled off to the bathroom to relieve himself and wondered if he should wake you and Yoongi up. He decided that it wasn’t worth the years of his life you’d take off and chose instead to return to the main house and shower.
After he felt human again, he made himself a quick egg scramble and scarfed it down directly over the pan.
“You didn’t make any for us?” Your scratchy voice startled him.
“Didn’t want it to get cold,” Taehyung replied easily. It was a lie, but who would it hurt, really?
“Liar,” you scolded. You blearily pulled up a stool to the kitchen island and stared blankly at him. “It’s like old times, isn’t it?” you said softly.
“What is?” he asked as he slid you a mug of hot water and a container of loose leaf tea.
“This,” you replied, gesturing at him. “Reminds me of all the times I slept over at your place — except I suppose there were always more of you guys underfoot making noise somewhere.”
“If I recall, you made a decent amount of noise, too.”
You flushed. “Like Joon and I were the only ones fucking in that place.”
“Point taken,” Taehyung sniggered. And then, as if picking up the thread of his earlier thoughts, he asked, “When did it change to something more with him? What made you love him?”
You were quiet for several long beats. “He’s easy to love, Taehyung. He was just so big — not like that, you pervert — and so floppy.”
“Floppy? Are you sure we’re not talking about —”
“Like a big dumb golden retriever.” You smiled wistfully and sipped your tea. “Joonie was just so — is so — earnest. He said the softest, most beautiful words, Taehyung. Who could hold out against such an onslaught?”
“Do you ever want to get back together with him?”
Taehyung knew he was overstepping, but he could not help himself. He told himself it was research for the film, but even he sensed it was not the full truth.
You shook your head regretfully. “No.”
“No?” he prodded gently. “Isn’t he still very much the same?”
You chuckled. “Well, first of all, he fucked the brains out of my friend, Mirae.”
Taehyung choked a bit. “You’re okay with this? He told you this?”
“Oh my god, no! Mirae texted me saying that he’d fucked her stupid — which means something because she’s brilliant.”
“That wasn’t weird?”
“That’s the thing, Tae. It wasn’t weird at all.” You reached over and scooped up some of his egg scramble with your fingers. “It’s not like the movie version of us. We’re not getting back together like they wrote us in the script. That book of my life is closed and I have no intention of reopening it.”
You tucked the eggs into your mouth and sucked your fingertips, casting about for a napkin for a bit before Taehyung had the presence of mind to hand you one. He clearly needed to tug one out or something because his brain kept going to the most inappropriate places with you.
He blamed Yoongi for planting the idea of you in his mind like that.
“And second,” you continued, blissfully unaware of the detour his inner monologue had taken, “the balance of power would be too skewed.”
“What do you mean?” Taehyung forced his traitorous thoughts back in line.
“I would feel like I owed him — that he was doing me a favor by being with me again. That I would never be good enough for him.” You shuddered. “I hate owing people — and I always repay my debts.”
Taehyung had a flash of understanding. “Is that why you and Alton never…?”
Your face clouded over. “I would lose myself with him,” you murmured. “How could I ever feel like I had any right to anything? I literally owe him my life. I owe him everything.”
“Alton and Namjoon don’t seem like the type to use your past against you, noona,” Taehyung said softly. “They would never.”
Your lip curled in a sardonic smile. “People always say they would never until they do, Taehyung.” You held up a hand to forestall any comments he wanted to make. “Not on purpose — or at least not consciously. But how could it not always be in the undercurrent? How could it not always be there: unspoken but so loud nevertheless?”
Taehyung’s heart twanged as it often did around you. It continued to baffle him that he’d signed onto this project except somehow, deep inside, he knew he wanted your story done right. He wanted to handle you gently. Reverently. He did not trust anyone else to do so.
He did not know what that meant except that you were precious to him. You were precious to all his bandmates, really. How he wished that you could internalize their love for you.
“Why did you agree to do the music if it hurts you so much, noona?”
You flicked your dark eyes to his. “Everything always hurts, Taehyung. What’s one more?”
You slid off the stool and paused as if conflicted.
“My father was my first love, you know. He was like the sun: so bright.” Your tongue slipped out and wet your lips. “He loved music and performing and sometimes, I wonder what he would have been like if he’d had the option to pursue those talents instead of making himself into what others expected.”
You blinked rapidly and Taehyung followed a tear as it curved down the slope of your cheekbones.
“I painted him as a monster, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I was unfair. He wasn’t a monster; he was just a man.” You swiped at your face. “I wanted him to love me so much that I thought if I pursued the things he loved — if I made myself into what he wanted — that he would stay. That he would find me and my brother enough. That he would choose us instead of some woman or new get-rich-quick scheme.”
Taehyung wanted to stop you — to tell you that you didn’t have to share if it hurt too much — except he was frozen.
“Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with music and performing, too.” You chanced a glance at him. “Don’t you see, Tae? My father is the reason I love music. He is the reason I have what I have — and when he needed me, I abandoned him. I let him die,” you whispered, “and when he died, all the music in me died, too.”
Taehyung’s chest cracked wide open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Translation notes:
1) 恰似你的溫柔 (qiàsì nǐ de wēnróu): just like your tenderness 2) 閣愛妳一擺 (gé ài nǐ yī bǎi): love you one more time
Summary: In the land of Aster, a powerful queendom, all female daughters of the queen are blessed by the Goddess and are immune to poison. Your mother, the Queen, is ready to step down and offer her place to you but according to tradition, the heir of Aster has to be married to ascend to the throne. You despise the fact that you have to be married to rule. As an act of rebellion, you announce that you will marry the prince of the one kingdom your mother had warned you not to.
“It’s ridiculous,” you said, walking underneath an archway covered in vines. “She decided all on her own like it isn’t my life she’s talking about. And now everyone knows and they are expecting me to be engaged by summertime.”
Abigail tightened her cloak around her petite form. It was a chilly morning and while you were mostly indifferent to the cold bite of late winter, your cousin was much more affected. “She thinks that what she’s doing is for the best. There has been talk about it. You know they have been wondering why you have never accepted any courting offers.”
“Because I don’t want any courting offers.” A strong gust of wind blew your hair back. You had let it cascade freely around your shoulders devoid of any intricate braids and jewelled pins. “Why do I have to get married? This must be the most pointless tradition to have ever existed. I don’t need to get married to have heirs and I certainly don’t need a man to rule.”
Abigail had to rush her steps to keep up with you. It had been her idea to go on a walk in the gardens but it seemed like she might be regretting it soon. “You don’t but it is what it is. It is what everyone expects. But it doesn’t have to be a big deal. You said it yourself that being married doesn’t matter in the way you rule the land. Don’t give the marriage any more significance than you have to.”
“That’s easier said than done,” you said. “He will be sitting on the throne next to mine and everyone will expect to see us together at the balls and ceremonies. I can’t ignore the fact that he will be my husband.”
He would be always there, nobles would ask after him, the servants would gossip about how much or how little time you spent together, people would wonder how soon you would get pregnant with the next heir. Your mother had complicated pregnancies and, despite her many attempts, you had no siblings. You were the only daughter of the reigning queen, the only one who had The Gift.
Oh wow what a great start! I was so excited when I read the notification for this first chapter. It truly doesn’t disappoint. Can’t wait to read what happens next! So curious to know why the mother is so against Gwangsu
summary: Bright. Sunny. Easy. Amazing. Spontaneous. That’s how life was when you had Taehyung. That’s how life was when you had the most amazing boy in your grasp. That’s how it was when you were in love, and you were loved back. Dull. Dreary. Colorless. Dismal. That’s how life is now. That’s how life is now that Taehyung isn’t here anymore. That’s how it is now that everything is ruined. Taehyung doesn’t love you anymore.
a/n: i wrote this in an hour and it’s kinda shitty enjoy - teri
To be fair, you always knew that Taehyung would do anything to achieve his dream. You knew that no matter how much he loved someone, his dreams always came first. You first met before BTS debuted, but now that they’re making it big, he chose them over you.
Taehyung would tell you that BTS is his dream, but you’re there also. You’re his dream, too. However, since he chose the music over you, you’re not sure how true the latter is.
It was a Sunday, the boys always had Sundays off to spend with friends or family or just to relax. You always looked forward to Sundays, the one day you could be with Taehyung without any complications. He would come home early in the morning, and you’d be waiting with open arms and a warm breakfast in the kitchen. The Sunday everything went wrong, though, he didn’t come home early in the morning. He called you around 10, telling you that he’d be home soon, and that he needed to talk to you about something. You were worried, being with Taehyung was always so easy and effortless and he usually left butterflies in your stomach but now all he left was anxiety and dread.
He opened the door half an hour after he called you, and you walked down the stairs quickly, taking his bag from him to set it on the ground and hug him, like you usually did. You wrapped your arms around him, but were met with nothing in return. “What’s going on, Tae?”
He sighed, motioning for you to sit on the couch. He wanted you to be sitting when he told you this. “Y/N, I want you to know something.”
You were now terrified. Taehyung couldn’t even look you in the eyes, it’s as if he was too scared to meet your gaze. He was never like this, you thought to yourself. “Okay, tell me.”
“No, I need you to know this.” He sighed, finally meeting his eyes with yours as he sat on the ottoman in front of you. “I needyou to know that you didn’t do anything wrong. I need you to know that this is all me, Y/N.”
You didn’t need him to continue. In fact, it was the last thing you wanted. You already knew what he was going to say. Though you knew what he was going to say before he said it, it didn’t lessen the blow or make it hurt any less. “Please don’t.” You whispered subconsciously. It was a kind of trust you had with him. You’d been together for so long, you didn’t expect anything like this. “Don’t say it, please.”
Taehyung could hear the somber in your voice, he could tell that you were close to tears. That in turn made him just as upset. He hated that he had to do this. “I think that we should break up.”
The words hurt even more than you thought they would. You didn’t think it was real, it didn’t feel real. It felt like you were in a nightmare. Wake up, wake up, wake up, you told yourself. You clenched your eyes shut, trapping the tears behind your lids. “Tae,” You started, tears escaping when you opened them. “Why are you doing this?”
Taehyung didn’t think of this part. He choked back sobs as he got up from his seat, grabbing the bag by the door. “I just had to. I’m sorry.” He felt like the biggest moron in all of history. Taehyung /was/ the biggest moron. “I’ll be back later this week to get my stuff.”
And he was gone, and the world was suddenly black and white. The house felt empty, despite all his things still being there. By the end of the night, you were sure you had cried as much as you could. The cushion next to your head was stained with tears and you couldn’t feel anything.
That’s how it stayed for a while.
It was sixteen days before you heard anything from Taehyung. You missed his voice, you missed his touch, you missed the jokes and the silly faces. You missed how genuine he was. You just missed him. He texted you early that morning. The vibration of your phone awoke you at five in the morning.
[5:12AM Taehyung]: Will you be home today?
He called it home. You felt a pang in your heart, but you decided to ignore it.
[5:13AM You]: yeah i’ll be here. are you coming to get your things?
[5:13AM Taehyung]: I’ll be there around noon. Go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.
You scoffed as you locked your phone. As if he actually cared, you thought to yourself. You sighed. There was no way you’d be getting back to sleep now.
You got up, took a shower, cleaned the house and by the time you got all that done, it was a quarter to noon. As you waited for Taehyung, you turned on the news. The only thing they’d broadcasted was about the breakup and BTS’ future as they get more and more popular. Though it hurt, you had to see Taehyung’s face. You just wanted to know how he was, it didn’t seem appropriate to ask him about his life as he stripped your house of his belongings and left you alone.
The door opened and you were alarmed at first, forgetting that he had a key. Taehyung first noticed you on the couch, same spot you were sitting in when he broke your heart. He saw the TV on, his face currently on the screen. They were discussing the break up. “How can you watch this shit?” He called out.
You didn’t turn around. You thought you might break down again if you did. “I had to live it Tae. Have to. A news broadcast can’t hurt me any more than I already am.” You couldn’t lie, you were trying to make him feel guilty for how he left things. Maybe he could just tell you he hated you and make things a little easier.
“Y/N, I’m sorry.”
“So you’ve said. I left some boxes upstairs if you need them for your things.” You said. You still hadn’t looked at him.
“Can I see you?” Taehyung asked hopefully.
“For what?” You answered, “What does it matter?”
You felt a strong hand on your shoulder, an action that caused you to turn around and meet eyes with the man who’d broken your heart. “What?”
“I didn’t come here to get my stuff, Y/N.” Taehyung started as you got up and finally met him face to face. “I came here for you.”
You stayed silent, just in case this was a dream.
“I didn’t break up with you because I wanted to. Trust me, that’s the last thing I wanted, Y/N.”
“I don’t believe you. Sounds like bullshit to me.”
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve never been more afraid in my entire life. These past few weeks have been hell for me. All I wanted to do was call you and make things right.” He started, tears beginning to leave his eyes. Out of instinct, you brought your hand up to his face to wipe them away. “I… I didn’t leave because I wanted to. The PD scared me. He told me that you’d never want to marry a man who was constantly performing and going on tour. He said you’d never want to settle down with a celebrity. I thought he was right, and it terrified me.”
Tilting your head, you brought another hand to his face to cup his cheek as the tears started to fall again. “I already have settled down with you, Tae. We live together. I don’t care that you’re famous. I know this is what you want, I know that you won’t always be around whenever I want you to, but all I want is for you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me.”
Taehyung wrapped his arms around you and kissed your temple. “Marry me, and I’ll always be happy.”
Tags:Angst, hurt/comfort, low-self esteem, themes of abandonment, betrayal, anger, anxiety, panic-attacks, brief implied suicidal thoughts (Tae) but it’s heavily implied, not the slowest of burns but it’s as slow as im willing to make it.
W/c:7.0k
A/n: It’s a little early but I hope you like it! alot of angst but the ending is worth it I promise! you guys finally meet the m/c! the next few chapters will show how yoongi and the m/c met and all that shit. PLEASE READ THE PROLOGUE BEFORE YOU READ THIS PART.
When he’d left to visit his familial pack (the pack he’d been born into) It was a sudden trip. One-day; Yoongi had given himself one extra day at home, the last day he’d get to love them before he’d left. It was all his anxiety would allow.
To his packmates it had felt a little like Yoongi was just distracted. Often they’d turn to ask him and found him anxiously looking down on his phone. In the morning he’d had to get on the first train and no one had thought anything of it- of course they were okay with him going. Of course Yoongi had to go for his family.
He’d left a heavily scented shirt for Jungkook to hold onto to make sure his seizures didn’t get too bad while he was gone. But the omega had his whole closet too and he wasn’t even going to be gone that long, right? his hovering and worrying was a little too much, right?
The best lies are one part lie and two parts truth. Yes, Yoongi’s grandfather was dying and telling them that didn’t feel like a lie. But on the other hand saying “I’ll be back in 2 weeks, maybe 3 at the most” tasted like acid on his tongue.
It’s not a lie when Yoongi looks at Jin and pouts, because even if he wants to cry as he drinks in his omega getting ready for work thinking it could be the last time he sees it, he can’t. Tears aren’t expected of him and It would give it all away.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Jin kisses the frown off of his lips.
Tags: Consumption of alcohol, drunk kisses, Jimin but gets handsy with the m/c, sexual touching, flirting, drunk sexual content, posessive behavior, yandere! Jimin, Don’t like don’t read, Jimin also has like- one sip of alchohol while he is the designated driver, but they are at the bar for 3+ hours
W/c:9.4k
A/n: Although i don’t think that what happens in the chapter is in any way un consensual- it definitely toes a line in what is considered modern consent theory. I don’t subscribe to the notion that one sip of alcohol takes away a persons agency- and the m/c is still very much verbally consenting to Jimin even though she has had a drink-and he hasn’t and Jimin is scent high so! She’s tipsy at best through the entirety of the chapter.
The Poem that is spoken before Tae’s poem is a snippet from Jasmine man’s poem ‘black girl, call home’ you should all follow her on twitter here! thank you to whatever anon recommended me her work!
The sun sets on your drive over, turning the rearview mirror every shade of yellow and red. The lights of the city twinkle in the distance and turn the sky a burning orange on the horizon. Jimin uses his horn liberally as he struggles to park but in the meantime, you transfer your few cards to the new wallet and put the wallet inside the bunny bag. Giving it a happy squeeze when everything is finally all in it’s place.
A group of people smokes outside the bar and If the smell draws Jimin at all he doesn’t show it, holding the door open for you and Tae. the interior of the bar is already crowded by the time you get in. You think you’re doomed to the standing room by the bar but then you see it: right by the door, a booth with one side to the windows
I’m leaving my thoughts on both chapter 32 and 33 here
(How terribly naive of your pack, to think that fate would spare you all its tricks). GHAD IM SCARED
Ooooooh that little hobi/mc crumb with his reaction to the dress made me go soft for them little crumbs like this already make my heart soaar. m/c and hobi’s development is prolly one of my fave parts of the story and little moments like that just makes the slow burn just burn a little warmer
WHEN MC TRIED THE DRESS ON IN FRONT OF THEM AND THEM JUST ADORING HER MADE ME SO SOFT
“Maybe she only knows how best to pull off the ruse because it fits her soul so poorly, every inch of it intentional.” THIS LINE IS JUST SO CLEVER TO ME I JUST SKNALSNFLEJD YOU WORDED IT SO WELL IT HURTS
THE FLIRTING AND THE TEASING PLLLSSS IT JUST MADE ME WANT TO TRY IT OUT ON SOMEONE AND MAKE THEM FLUSTERED AS HELL OR MAKE THEM WANT TO SPANK ME DAMNIT
TAE’S POEM! THE KISS! JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS HOW FOKEN BEAUTIFUL THAT MOMENT WAS PLEASE IM CRYING
AND THAT CLIFF HANGER! I felt something coming up AND NOW THAT ITS HERE IM LIKE “WAIT GO BAACK! TAKE ME BACK TO THE PACK FLUFF AGAIN I AIN’T READY ” HYEJIN I THOUGHT U WAS A REAL ONE DEMNIT and the fact that Jimin ain’t aware who tf he’s glaring daggers into MEANWHILE MOONBYUL KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HE IS HOMYLAWD
And Jinnie hooooolaaaaaaawwd i feeaaaaaar the next update
There’s so much more i want to say and sheet but the beest way i could express it would just be screaming and crying but really this chapter was *chef’s kiss* ✨
@geekynicki ahhhhhh i’m so sorry it took me so long to respond! i think in all of the excitement of the comeback this got lost in the shuffle.
ahhhhh i love the hobi parts too~ i can’t wait to give their part of the story some attention in future chapters too, it feels like it’s been a second since we touched on it but!!! soon i promise!!!
Ahhhhhh i know- it’s felt so horrible to write Tae presenting as a man because like thats not her~ thats not the happy tae tae mommy that we know!!! honestly it was one of the hardest parts of this chapter to write!
you me m/c - wanting to make jiminie flustered enough that he takes her over his lap and punishes her I SWEAR i cannot wait to write chapter 35 just cuz, jinnie spanking, just the jinnie spanking. i swear its all i can think about ughhhhhhhhhh, im an impatient bean~
as for the future well,,,, i’m in the middle of writing the next update and honestly, it feels like one of those videos where everything just /almost/ goes wrong- but don’t worry, the actual falling apart doesn’t happen until the very end! we’ve got alot more fluff to get through!
thank you so much for your lovely review of the story <3 i love reading everyones takes on it and i go back even like- months after and read it sometimes too~ it always helps me get motivation to write more!
