#but don’t act like your advice is one size fits all

I think this whole “accept that you’re the problem” movement in feminine spaces is weird because women have always been socialized to take responsibility for things that both are and aren’t their fault. Bad date? It’s never that the man was trash, is that we chose the wrong man. Bad relationship? It’s never that some things don’t work out, it’s that we didn’t specify what we wanted. Didn’t get that promotion? It’s never that we tried our hardest but it went to someone else, it’s that we didn’t work hard enough. Stressed out? It’s never that we’re taking on too much, it’s that we didn’t manage our time well enough. In pain? It’s never that there’s something that might be wrong, it’s that we’re not exercising enough. Gaining weight? It’s never a normal reaction to aging or stress or hormones, it’s that we go out with our friends too often and eat pizza once a week. We even take responsibility for our parts in our own SA. I don’t think telling a bunch of girls all the time “You need to accept responsibility, you’re the reason you’re not where you want to be, you’ll never make it anywhere if you don’t realize this is all your fault, you have no one else to blame but yourself” is helpful at all, because chances are that they are already taking the blame for everything that happens in their lives, even the things that they shouldn’t be taking blame for. I really wish that we as a community would start giving actually helpful advice to people or just not give it at all, because no one is forcing us to write these “advice” posts.