#caregiver little relationships

1) CUDDLING!

Anyone who says they’re not into cuddling…is either crazy, or has probably serious reasons they’re against physical touch. And even then, I’ve known a few people who don’t like much physical touch who still see cuddling as not just acceptable, but AWESOME. 

2) WHO DOESN’T LOVE KID MOVIES?!

“Kid” movies is a misnomer. I mean, Shrek is a perfect example of a movie that includes sex jokes, bad puns, serious talks about self-image, self-destructive behavior, loneliness…basically, HEAVY topics thrown together in an awesome way. Heck, they have a fart joke that assumes you understand the meaning of ‘brimstone’/’sulfur’ (depending on the edition and translation). So, it’s a movie made for kids that is all about ANYONE enjoying it…and it’s an amazingly fun cinematic experience. CG/L relationships mean movie night can be fun for everyone, not just ½ the partners. 

3) Being Needed/Wanted

I’m not saying that this is unique to DDLG/MDLG/DDLB/MDLB/CGL relationships. I’m just saying…this is something almost every adult I’ve ever known struggles with. Some people are more about being needed…and some are more about being wanted. Some people strive to feel like they aren’t being too clingy, and some people are desperate to not make their partner feel like they’re overbearing or controlling. For those people, for the ones who don’t know where they fit in a lot of vanilla relationships? CG/L is great. One partner tends towards being kinda clingy and needy…and one tends to feel more fulfilled when they are wanted or needed. In that way, it’s kind of like having a partnership made up of two halves who didn’t know they were missing part of their proverbial ‘whole’. 

4) Honesty

This probably goes for almost every relationship, but the truth is that I think it’s harder to fake in caregiver and little relationships. Honesty is the foundation of any serious, meaningful personal interaction, along with communication (or just ‘honest communication’ if you want to put it all together into one serious thing!) As such, a relationship that’s about constantly discussing needs, feelings, desires, wants, rules, structure, and roles? Well that can be just awesome. 

5) Little Love and Big Love

Littles love differently than bigs…and bigs love so differently from littles that much of the time, littles struggle to understand WHY their big/caregiver loves them the way they do. And I think this might go hand-in-hand with my #3 above: Littles love the way most caregivers need, and bigs love the way most caregivers crave. It’s like having someone tell you that maybe you can have someone love you in a fashion that isn’t fulfilling, or they can love you in a way that makes you feel excited, needed, wanted, important, valued…which do you choose? 

At LEAST 9 times out of 10? I choose ddlg/mdlb personally. I choose ageplay, and being a caregiver or little. I choose this kinky, confusing, often misunderstood world. 

And maybe, just maybe, you should too. Who knows? It might bring you a great deal of joy. 

• Text you randomly throughout the day?
  
• Tell you good morning, or good night?
• Call you by a cute nickname?
• Tell you they love you, a LOT?
• Play with you in little space?
• Remember the names of your stuffies?
• Try to help you remember your rules, even if that means an OCCASIONAL punishment or talking to?
• Pat your bum or rub your back when you’re cuddling and need attention?
• Just somehow KNOW what all your fussy noises mean?
• Love the way you wake up all confused and grumpy?
• Hold your hand when you feel nervous?
• Give you a paci or toy when you feel bad?
• Give you rules, and structure, and comfort?
• Tease you and make you feel little when you don’t know how to relax?
• Care for you, and make sure you’re safe, and comfy?
• Tell you bedtime stories, or sing you a lullaby?
• Miss you like CRAZY when you’re not talking, even for a few minutes!?

Well if any of the above sounds like YOUR mommy or daddy…you’ve got a great caregiver, and they deserve to know it!  So thank you caregivers! You deserve LOTS AND LOTS of love and affection!

I’m going to discuss one of the harsher, and possibly scarier things I’ve written about: WHY AND WHEN CAREGIVERS LEAVE. 

I also fully anticipate blowback for this post, and people disliking it or me, and probably losing some followers. But unlike my cuter posts, this is one that has been building for a long time, and I think needs to be addressed…

FIRST…

Let’s start by admitting the truth; Littles are idolized and generally seen as exceptional, special, valuable, sensitive, and in some ways more important than their caregivers. This probably comes from a lot of things, but in part it comes down to the nature of any relationship with the sort of power exchange dynamic; The person who gives up some of their power (littles/submissives/pets for examples, depending on your dynamic) gives it up as a gift. Yes, they crave someone else helping them, yes, they want to be loved and cared for and controlled…but their submission is a choice, and that puts a LOT of emphasis on them, because now the purpose of the relationship, in some ways, changes. It’s at least described in a fashion that suggests that the nature of the relationship is:

• Less about how the two partners interact, and more about how the interactions or behaviors of the big/owner/dominant impact the little/pet/submissive. 
  
• Must be dependent on the acceptance of the submissive/little.
• Doesn’t require the big to necessarily be happy as much (particularly in ageplay or little/big relationships).

So what does that do? That brings me to my second point. 

SECOND…

This means that the relationship can feel like someone is telling the big that their little is MORE important, or that if the little isn’t doing well or isn’t happy, the big/dominant is the one at fault every time. Sure, sometimes they are! But…let’s not lie. Sometimes, a little has other things going on. Life isn’t exclusively about your dynamic! so if life is hard for them because of vanilla stuff, work stuff, depression, or any of a million other things, the big/dom doesn’t need to feel like they screwed up! 

And if the little doesn’t recognize the two-way nature of the relationship, or if the big themselves don’t put attention and care into their own wellbeing…then things can go bad. They can resent the little, they can feel worthless, their mental health can degrade, and they can start to genuinely believe that this situation isn’t going to work, or that they aren’t worthy of the love they feel they’re given. Or, worse, they might not feel love BACK because they resent or are hurt by their perceived lack of attention and care. And where does THAT go?

THIRD…

When your big doesn’t feel cared for, important, or valued…they don’t want to be with you. It’s brutal, it’s scary, but it’s true. Remember that despite every lovely post on tumblr telling us all how precious and perfect and sensitive and rare and incredible and delicate and on and on and on….despite EVERY one of those flowery descriptions of littles, that doesn’t mean their relationships aren’t a two way street. Dom-drop exists! Daddy/mommy-drop exists! Bigs have stress! Bigs are sensitive too! The most aggressive, dominant, in-control and serious daddy dom might still need someone to ask about THEIR day. They are no less powerful, in control, masculine, or whatever else they fear they aren’t just because they need help and attention too! 

And if you’re in a relationship that focuses so completely on one partner to the detriment of the other that they resent, regret, or dislike what’s happening, they might leave. They might not tell you the whole story, they might tell you they’re sorry they aren’t enough, but the truth is, it’s a two-way street. A submissive is supposed to be a PARTNER, even if the power dynamic isn’t equally shared. A little is a COMPANION, who needs to show that they aren’t just their to be pampered and cared for to the exclusion of all else. Because that doesn’t make them NEEDY or DEPENDENT or  any of the flowery words we use…it makes them, bluntly, selfish. And no matter how much you want to deny it? If you’re that kind of little, you know. 

Finally…
I am bringing this up because I’m seeing people posting things that seem to say any unhappy little is a failed caregiver, and any caregiver who is anything less than flawless, perfect, eternally giving, and accepting of ANY problem is not a good one. And that’s not fair. 
Not to get into specifics, but i dated someone who was the sort of little that was…just unfair. They required my attention, sure, but it wasn’t just that. If they wanted to talk, I was a bad person if I was at work! If they met me and we spent a lovely whole day together, then I was a bad person for not being able to spend the night, because I had work in the morning. They wrote about how littles need to respect and understand their bigs and their bigs’ needs, but then ignored mine, were selfish, cruel, and made me feel like every effort I put in was nothing, insufficient, and not appreciated. It made it REALLY hard to keep giving of myself when nothing I did was enough, or right, or fair. To be told that 100% of your energy is worth 0% appreciation? It kills any relationship on the spot. 

So appreciate your littles, caregivers. Appreciate your caregivers, littles. Dominants, remember that your position is one of control and respect, but also remember that you are allowed to have needs. Submissives, remember that submission is a choice you made, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to help your dominant when they clearly need it. And everyone remember than no matter the NATURE of a relationship, it’s still a two way street. It requires two (or more, for poly couples/groups) people working together to work out well. And it means that EVERYBODY INVOLVED needs to know when to speak up, admit what they need, and ask for help when they require it. 
Sound fair?
I hope so.


Regards,
-Scribbler