#submissives

I’m going to discuss one of the harsher, and possibly scarier things I’ve written about: WHY AND WHEN CAREGIVERS LEAVE. 

I also fully anticipate blowback for this post, and people disliking it or me, and probably losing some followers. But unlike my cuter posts, this is one that has been building for a long time, and I think needs to be addressed…

FIRST…

Let’s start by admitting the truth; Littles are idolized and generally seen as exceptional, special, valuable, sensitive, and in some ways more important than their caregivers. This probably comes from a lot of things, but in part it comes down to the nature of any relationship with the sort of power exchange dynamic; The person who gives up some of their power (littles/submissives/pets for examples, depending on your dynamic) gives it up as a gift. Yes, they crave someone else helping them, yes, they want to be loved and cared for and controlled…but their submission is a choice, and that puts a LOT of emphasis on them, because now the purpose of the relationship, in some ways, changes. It’s at least described in a fashion that suggests that the nature of the relationship is:

• Less about how the two partners interact, and more about how the interactions or behaviors of the big/owner/dominant impact the little/pet/submissive. 
  
• Must be dependent on the acceptance of the submissive/little.
• Doesn’t require the big to necessarily be happy as much (particularly in ageplay or little/big relationships).

So what does that do? That brings me to my second point. 

SECOND…

This means that the relationship can feel like someone is telling the big that their little is MORE important, or that if the little isn’t doing well or isn’t happy, the big/dominant is the one at fault every time. Sure, sometimes they are! But…let’s not lie. Sometimes, a little has other things going on. Life isn’t exclusively about your dynamic! so if life is hard for them because of vanilla stuff, work stuff, depression, or any of a million other things, the big/dom doesn’t need to feel like they screwed up! 

And if the little doesn’t recognize the two-way nature of the relationship, or if the big themselves don’t put attention and care into their own wellbeing…then things can go bad. They can resent the little, they can feel worthless, their mental health can degrade, and they can start to genuinely believe that this situation isn’t going to work, or that they aren’t worthy of the love they feel they’re given. Or, worse, they might not feel love BACK because they resent or are hurt by their perceived lack of attention and care. And where does THAT go?

THIRD…

When your big doesn’t feel cared for, important, or valued…they don’t want to be with you. It’s brutal, it’s scary, but it’s true. Remember that despite every lovely post on tumblr telling us all how precious and perfect and sensitive and rare and incredible and delicate and on and on and on….despite EVERY one of those flowery descriptions of littles, that doesn’t mean their relationships aren’t a two way street. Dom-drop exists! Daddy/mommy-drop exists! Bigs have stress! Bigs are sensitive too! The most aggressive, dominant, in-control and serious daddy dom might still need someone to ask about THEIR day. They are no less powerful, in control, masculine, or whatever else they fear they aren’t just because they need help and attention too! 

And if you’re in a relationship that focuses so completely on one partner to the detriment of the other that they resent, regret, or dislike what’s happening, they might leave. They might not tell you the whole story, they might tell you they’re sorry they aren’t enough, but the truth is, it’s a two-way street. A submissive is supposed to be a PARTNER, even if the power dynamic isn’t equally shared. A little is a COMPANION, who needs to show that they aren’t just their to be pampered and cared for to the exclusion of all else. Because that doesn’t make them NEEDY or DEPENDENT or  any of the flowery words we use…it makes them, bluntly, selfish. And no matter how much you want to deny it? If you’re that kind of little, you know. 

Finally…
I am bringing this up because I’m seeing people posting things that seem to say any unhappy little is a failed caregiver, and any caregiver who is anything less than flawless, perfect, eternally giving, and accepting of ANY problem is not a good one. And that’s not fair. 
Not to get into specifics, but i dated someone who was the sort of little that was…just unfair. They required my attention, sure, but it wasn’t just that. If they wanted to talk, I was a bad person if I was at work! If they met me and we spent a lovely whole day together, then I was a bad person for not being able to spend the night, because I had work in the morning. They wrote about how littles need to respect and understand their bigs and their bigs’ needs, but then ignored mine, were selfish, cruel, and made me feel like every effort I put in was nothing, insufficient, and not appreciated. It made it REALLY hard to keep giving of myself when nothing I did was enough, or right, or fair. To be told that 100% of your energy is worth 0% appreciation? It kills any relationship on the spot. 

So appreciate your littles, caregivers. Appreciate your caregivers, littles. Dominants, remember that your position is one of control and respect, but also remember that you are allowed to have needs. Submissives, remember that submission is a choice you made, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to help your dominant when they clearly need it. And everyone remember than no matter the NATURE of a relationship, it’s still a two way street. It requires two (or more, for poly couples/groups) people working together to work out well. And it means that EVERYBODY INVOLVED needs to know when to speak up, admit what they need, and ask for help when they require it. 
Sound fair?
I hope so.


Regards,
-Scribbler

This advice is meant for girls interested in threesomes and polygamous relationships involving their sisters (or equivalent - friends, cousins, female relatives etc.). Thanks to societal bullshit expectations, men have been taught to suppress their primal instinct to collect more women throughout the course of their lives. As a result, they will often deny any interest in polygamous relationships, contrary to their natural drives. So, girls interested in living by nature’s rules of being part of a harem or family of women serving one man, will often find it difficult to bring up this topic with the hope of getting honest answers and thoughts. Therefore, I have devised a method for girls to smoothly and quickly start a functioning harem even with men who superficially deny interest in these things.

1. Pre-discuss with your sister(s) and set-up a harem with them.

2. Familiarize all sisters with the usual kinks by reading through a blog such as this.

3. Establish some clear rules for a harem to function - such as a clear hierarchy, complete obedience to a Master without limits, complete privacy, strict vetting of new recruits and clear consequences on flouting of rules, etc.

4. Insist that other sisters must chaperone any of the sisters going on any dates. If you are already dating or are in a relationship, just insist upon this for all future outings with your man.

5. Send him nudes of yourself and all your harem sisters frequently even if he protests.

6. On the date itself, all girls should wear very revealing clothing and no bra or panties.

7. Whilst he might be focused on the girl he had asked out on the date, all the girls present should be frequently flashing him their breasts and vaginas and making reference to each others privates casually and openly.

8. They should also dare each other starting with his intended date, to expose themselves and perform various sex acts on him, in a cheerful and humorous fashion.

9. Then they should casually get him to do some rough sex acts on them as a dare.

10. If things progress well, they should as a group, beg him to be their Master and to use them as he pleases.

I hope the above tips lead to the formation of a good number of harems. Remember girls, all males are meant to be alphas to all women, whether they know it or not. Serve your men and pay homage to nature by helping the men you know reach and satisfy all their primal drives.

This is a difficult question to answer and you will likely find as many answers as there are sexual fetishes. You will find that many separate the two as a matter of the intensity of the submission. However, this gets confusing as the way one views and calls themselves is vastly different from how another sub/slave does the same, although they might use the same term. You find “slaves” setting incredibly soft limits, and then you can find “subs” who essentially will do practically anything with no limits at all, yet call themselves subs. Where then do we draw the line?

As with sexual preferences we all exist on a vast spectrum and these distinctions are arbitrary and personal. In apparent disregard to their actual level of activity, people identify a certain way as opposed to others based on a purely subjective appraisal of themselves. It just doesn’t help when communicating with another as it may be hard to tell apart those who are simply fantasizing about a lifestyle from those who are actually living it. It becomes harder when those practicing this lifestyle use the same terms to mean vastly different things.

I am no different and to be frank I use these terms inconsistently myself in my posts, which is more about marketing my blog and posts. The term slave just gives a sense of so much more clarity. Nevertheless, this is my personal method of distinguishing the two terms of subs and slaves.

1.subs: Those who willingly surrender to the will of their master(s). They may set no limits or have some of their own limits. However, their defining feature is their ability to take personal initiative in the pleasure of their master. They have brains and they use their brains to think about ways to please their master. For example, a sub may be a high-flyer in her job and at the end of the day, she may return and strip naked and cook for her master. She might spend her money on him for his pleasure. She may be actively looking for other women to join their harem and working on seducing them. (Naturally, I am gravitating to my personal fantasy, which I am sure many of you share) 

2.slaves: Those who are taken and used at will without any care as to their will. They have no limits to set as they have no control of their destiny. They do not think or are not allowed to think. They have no possessions of their own. They are not allowed to have lives or dreams of their own except what is allowed by their master. Their motivations and initiative comes from their master. For example, a slave might be staying at home completely naked, chained with a long lead to allow her to use the toilet and get food to eat. When the master comes home, the slave is told to do various things like perform oral sex and so on and then left back in whatever position or condition the master wishes.

There is a third category (the vast majority), which is basically for those who ‘wannabe’ these things but are really limited by their various degrees of conformity to larger society. Let’s just call them “wannabe slaves” and “wannabe subs” and leave it at that.

So, as you can see, these distinctions are more about your role in the relationship. If you are an active participant taking your own initiative thinking of ways to satisfy your master, you are a sub, whether you have limitations or not. Conversely, if you are a passive tool completely following your masters initiative and motivations, you are a slave. What do I prefer? Given the above definitions, I much prefer a sub with no limitations. I like the idea of women achieving their intellectual and other personal goals, and using their talents to please me and working actively to find out more about what satisfies me. But hey that’s just me and look, I have contradicted the title of the blog. :) What about you? Who are you deep inside your core? What is it that you truly desire in your heart of hearts?

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If you have the kind of standards I have, you’re going to spend three fourths of your life being dissatisfied with the kind of submissives you will find. There’s no easing that dissatisfaction.