I’m going to discuss one of the harsher, and possibly scarier things I’ve written about: WHY AND WHEN CAREGIVERS LEAVE.
I also fully anticipate blowback for this post, and people disliking it or me, and probably losing some followers. But unlike my cuter posts, this is one that has been building for a long time, and I think needs to be addressed…
FIRST…
Let’s start by admitting the truth; Littles are idolized and generally seen as exceptional, special, valuable, sensitive, and in some ways more important than their caregivers. This probably comes from a lot of things, but in part it comes down to the nature of any relationship with the sort of power exchange dynamic; The person who gives up some of their power (littles/submissives/pets for examples, depending on your dynamic) gives it up as a gift. Yes, they crave someone else helping them, yes, they want to be loved and cared for and controlled…but their submission is a choice, and that puts a LOT of emphasis on them, because now the purpose of the relationship, in some ways, changes. It’s at least described in a fashion that suggests that the nature of the relationship is:
Less about how the two partners interact, and more about how the interactions or behaviors of the big/owner/dominant impact the little/pet/submissive.
Must be dependent on the acceptance of the submissive/little.
Doesn’t require the big to necessarily be happy as much (particularly in ageplay or little/big relationships).
So what does that do? That brings me to my second point.
SECOND…
This means that the relationship can feel like someone is telling the big that their little is MORE important, or that if the little isn’t doing well or isn’t happy, the big/dominant is the one at fault every time. Sure, sometimes they are! But…let’s not lie. Sometimes, a little has other things going on. Life isn’t exclusively about your dynamic! so if life is hard for them because of vanilla stuff, work stuff, depression, or any of a million other things, the big/dom doesn’t need to feel like they screwed up!
And if the little doesn’t recognize the two-way nature of the relationship, or if the big themselves don’t put attention and care into their own wellbeing…then things can go bad. They can resent the little, they can feel worthless, their mental health can degrade, and they can start to genuinely believe that this situation isn’t going to work, or that they aren’t worthy of the love they feel they’re given. Or, worse, they might not feel love BACK because they resent or are hurt by their perceived lack of attention and care. And where does THAT go?
THIRD…
When your big doesn’t feel cared for, important, or valued…they don’t want to be with you. It’s brutal, it’s scary, but it’s true. Remember that despite every lovely post on tumblr telling us all how precious and perfect and sensitive and rare and incredible and delicate and on and on and on….despite EVERY one of those flowery descriptions of littles, that doesn’t mean their relationships aren’t a two way street. Dom-drop exists! Daddy/mommy-drop exists! Bigs have stress! Bigs are sensitive too! The most aggressive, dominant, in-control and serious daddy dom might still need someone to ask about THEIR day. They are no less powerful, in control, masculine, or whatever else they fear they aren’t just because they need help and attention too!
And if you’re in a relationship that focuses so completely on one partner to the detriment of the other that they resent, regret, or dislike what’s happening, they might leave. They might not tell you the whole story, they might tell you they’re sorry they aren’t enough, but the truth is, it’s a two-way street. A submissive is supposed to be a PARTNER, even if the power dynamic isn’t equally shared. A little is a COMPANION, who needs to show that they aren’t just their to be pampered and cared for to the exclusion of all else. Because that doesn’t make them NEEDY or DEPENDENT or any of the flowery words we use…it makes them, bluntly, selfish. And no matter how much you want to deny it? If you’re that kind of little, you know.
Finally… I am bringing this up because I’m seeing people posting things that seem to say any unhappy little is a failed caregiver, and any caregiver who is anything less than flawless, perfect, eternally giving, and accepting of ANY problem is not a good one. And that’s not fair. Not to get into specifics, but i dated someone who was the sort of little that was…just unfair. They required my attention, sure, but it wasn’t just that. If they wanted to talk, I was a bad person if I was at work! If they met me and we spent a lovely whole day together, then I was a bad person for not being able to spend the night, because I had work in the morning. They wrote about how littles need to respect and understand their bigs and their bigs’ needs, but then ignored mine, were selfish, cruel, and made me feel like every effort I put in was nothing, insufficient, and not appreciated. It made it REALLY hard to keep giving of myself when nothing I did was enough, or right, or fair. To be told that 100% of your energy is worth 0% appreciation? It kills any relationship on the spot.
So appreciate your littles, caregivers. Appreciate your caregivers, littles. Dominants, remember that your position is one of control and respect, but also remember that you are allowed to have needs. Submissives, remember that submission is a choice you made, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to help your dominant when they clearly need it. And everyone remember than no matter the NATURE of a relationship, it’s still a two way street. It requires two (or more, for poly couples/groups) people working together to work out well. And it means that EVERYBODY INVOLVED needs to know when to speak up, admit what they need, and ask for help when they require it. Sound fair? I hope so.
☿ Mercury-dominant women (Ashlesha, Jyestha, Revati)
Mercurial women, especially mercurial moons, tend to be outcasted by other women in their social circle because of their classy feminine presence that’s desired by other men. If you know a mercurial woman or you’re one you’ve experienced people being suspicious of you for no reason and other women thinking you’re competing with them meanwhile you’re literally minding your own business. This isn’t always the case. Mercury-dominant women have an innocent vibe to them that they project into the world, bimbofication essentially, but have anterior motives which is something that other women spot but other men don’t and that’s a valid a reason as to why they might not be liked amongst women that much. They use their feminine power to gain material results, they might marry rich or date someone rich.
Angelina Jolie - Revati moon
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley - Jyestha moon
Xenia Tchoumitcheva - Ashlesha sun, Jyestha moon
Look at how they all have the same sly look and pouty lips .
These women don’t have that the type of femininity that’s easily tamed, they won’t usually agree with a man or anyone just to keep the peace but then again they won’t go out of their way to beef with you. They bite back though, they can be petty only if provoked. A Sun-dominant woman wouldn’t acknowledge you but a mercurial woman would. Mercurial energy is competitive in whatever they put their mind to and aims high so this too might be contributing to them not having female friends and the fact that they’re not particularly interested in the male dominated working fields. Mercury women love taking care of themselves, having routines and keeping themselves healthy, they most of all enjoy being clean and hygienic. They’re prone to getting plastic surgery because of Mercury’s finicky nature. Mercury-dominants like socializing, they love big gatherings, they’re also experts at seduction through humor, which isn’t looked at as a feminine trait but they prove it can be. Acting, manipulating, trickery, witchcraft, astrology, tarot are all mercurial endeavors. They are particularly interested in the occult and they’re naturally skilled.
▫️they like decorating their body and usually have a lot of tattoos
dear dommes/doms/dominants who are any or all of these:
shy
anxious
gentle
disabled
neurodivergent
just learning and starting out
just coming to terms w your sadism
not an archetype of your sexuality
not always an unshakable pillar of confidence and strength
you’re all babes, don’t worry about making yourself into someone your not, there will be subs who think you are the most glorious being in the world and want to fill all of your wildest desires, don’t compromise your comfort or boundaries, communicate always, don’t compare yourself to other people, there’s so much to learn but your work is your work and despite all the traditions of bdsm everyone does kink in their own way, stay true to yourself as best you can
