#certamen

If my novel were a sports anime…

certamen-the-novel:

In his car, Spencer hands me his phone.

“I know you’re into music, but I don’t like loud angry stuff,” he says, with a flair for reductionism. “So you can pick whatever you like, but off my phone.”

As we’re leaving the parking lot, I’m scrolling through his library—pop trash and 80’s oldies best left forgotten.

“I can feel the waves of judgment coming off of you from here,” Spencer says as we turn onto the freeway, “So you can save it.”

“Oh, it isn’t judgment,” I say, “It’s pity. You really do need help.”

“I said save it!” he says louder, but he’s smiling. I decide that this is a joking situation, and I can press on without offending him. Though I keep a close eye on him.

“Where to begin,” I mutter. “Well, we’ll start with a big one. Bon Jovi.”

“Don’t you dare impute the merit of the greatest American songwriter!” Spencer protests.

“I just threw up in my mouth a little when you said that. And Meat Loaf, really. What bad junior high dance from our parents’ generation did you take all this from?”

“Okay, you’re talking, and no music is happening. I’ll prove you wrong about Meat Loaf. Try the song ‘You Took the Words Right Out of my Mouth,’ and tell me it’s not amazing.”

I oblige, despite my serious reservations. The song has a long, strange introductory speech, which is kind of funny. Then starts this saxophone and glockenspiel thing that sounds like a bad Bruce Springsteen outtake. We’re at a stoplight, so I give Spencer a significant look.

“Keep listening,” he says.

I do. About halfway in, I start to hear it. It’s so overblown, so operatic, but all based on silly high school fluff lyrics. Its seriousness collapses under its own weight and becomes something else. It’s not exactly sarcasm or satire, because there’s no winking self-awareness about it. It’s just…

“Okay, I like it,” I admit.

“Thank you,” Spencer says, as if I owed him.

–Brian and Spencer talk music, from Certamen, the only young adult novel about Latin Club