#daddy dom

This post is in response to someone’s query about the difference between using little space as an escape/coping mechanism, and using it to hide from reality. And honestly…it’s a good question. 

Let’s start by defining the key terms here:

• “Littlespace” is generally accepted to be a mental state in which an individual regresses in behavior or mental patterns to a more youthful, and generally more carefree mindset, often taking on personality traits and mirroring interests that are more in keeping with a younger individuals’ interests or patterns. 
  
• “Escapism” is a tendency or behavioral pattern that involves avoiding or trying to distance oneself from uncomfortable or unpleasant thoughts or experiences by ‘escaping’ into other things, like littlespace, fantasy, a book, etc. 
  
• “Avoidance” is a huge term to define, but the way that I’m using it here is to explain someone who is not trying to distance themselves from something in order to gain new energy, perspective, or comfort, but rather as a term that means someone is trying to distance themselves from a problem or situation so much so that they simply hope they can completely ignore it, and hope it’s taken care of by someone else, or that it goes away on its own. Effectively, I mean ‘avoiding the problem instead of dealing with it’. 
  

With that on the table, let’s talk about something that I think might be scary and hard to admit for many littles, and scary to even think about for many caregivers, who are afraid that their little might sometimes do this. 

SOMETIMES, LITTLESPACE IS USED IN AN UNHEALTHY WAY IN ORDER TO FORCE A CAREGIVER OR SOMEONE ELSE TO DEAL WITH A LITTLE’S PROBLEMS, INSTEAD OF CONFRONTING THEM DIRECTLY. 

Why might that be? Well, escapism is a normal thing most people do…we find hobbies, we love genres of movies or books, we escape into games or tales of adventure and fantasy, or even just obsess over sports so we can ignore the million little questions running through our minds. That, actually, can be very healthy. It’s not necessarily a good idea to spend 24/7 going after everything you want to fix in your life and pushing back with ferocious obsession. In fact, more often than not, that ends up being pretty exhausting, counterproductive, and unhealthy in and of itself. And that’s how the majority of littles use littlespace to de-stress. They find themselves in a situation or position where they want to regress not just because of a caregiver (though it helps) but because life might make them feel like the ‘true’ person on the inside, their little personality, needs to help out sometimes, and give them a break from stress. IN THAT CASE; Escaping into littlespace, into that more vulnerable and yet almost contradictingly-carefree headspace can be a great escape that gives balance and comfort to someone who is struggling with stress and worry. 

However, when it’s used for avoidance of life, littlespace can be a problem. 

I’m NOT judging people who live 24/7 or close to 24/7 lifestyles, nor am I saying people who use littlespace to deal with stress are weak, doing something wrong, etc. What I AM saying, however, is that far more often than may be wise, some littles develop a coping mechanism for stress that involves always regressing when faced with trouble, to the point where they struggle to handle any situation as an adult, or without relying almost entirely on their partner. This puts excess stress on their caregiver, this puts them in a position where they are viewed and often feel as though they are unable to take control of their own life, and it makes it so they can often lose their own healthier traits that assist in dealing with life’s many troubles. 

So what’s the difference between the two? What’s the difference between escapism and avoidance behavior? Sadly, I don’t have a magic clear-cut line to differentiate the two. Even healthy people use avoidance behaviors at times, and that’s not necessarily a big deal. But if you (a little) or your little (speaking to the caregivers as well) is someone who is unable to deal with life, and often feels powerless, empty, hopeless, or espouses a need to completely empty themselves of responsibility or choices in favor of littlespace…you might want to talk. Figure out what’s going on, and why you/they feel the way you/they do. And do so now. Because it’s harder to break a bad habit once it becomes something you’re accustomed to than to simply avoid creating the bad habit at all!

Regards,
-Scribbler

I’m going to discuss one of the harsher, and possibly scarier things I’ve written about: WHY AND WHEN CAREGIVERS LEAVE. 

I also fully anticipate blowback for this post, and people disliking it or me, and probably losing some followers. But unlike my cuter posts, this is one that has been building for a long time, and I think needs to be addressed…

FIRST…

Let’s start by admitting the truth; Littles are idolized and generally seen as exceptional, special, valuable, sensitive, and in some ways more important than their caregivers. This probably comes from a lot of things, but in part it comes down to the nature of any relationship with the sort of power exchange dynamic; The person who gives up some of their power (littles/submissives/pets for examples, depending on your dynamic) gives it up as a gift. Yes, they crave someone else helping them, yes, they want to be loved and cared for and controlled…but their submission is a choice, and that puts a LOT of emphasis on them, because now the purpose of the relationship, in some ways, changes. It’s at least described in a fashion that suggests that the nature of the relationship is:

• Less about how the two partners interact, and more about how the interactions or behaviors of the big/owner/dominant impact the little/pet/submissive. 
  
• Must be dependent on the acceptance of the submissive/little.
• Doesn’t require the big to necessarily be happy as much (particularly in ageplay or little/big relationships).

So what does that do? That brings me to my second point. 

SECOND…

This means that the relationship can feel like someone is telling the big that their little is MORE important, or that if the little isn’t doing well or isn’t happy, the big/dominant is the one at fault every time. Sure, sometimes they are! But…let’s not lie. Sometimes, a little has other things going on. Life isn’t exclusively about your dynamic! so if life is hard for them because of vanilla stuff, work stuff, depression, or any of a million other things, the big/dom doesn’t need to feel like they screwed up! 

And if the little doesn’t recognize the two-way nature of the relationship, or if the big themselves don’t put attention and care into their own wellbeing…then things can go bad. They can resent the little, they can feel worthless, their mental health can degrade, and they can start to genuinely believe that this situation isn’t going to work, or that they aren’t worthy of the love they feel they’re given. Or, worse, they might not feel love BACK because they resent or are hurt by their perceived lack of attention and care. And where does THAT go?

THIRD…

When your big doesn’t feel cared for, important, or valued…they don’t want to be with you. It’s brutal, it’s scary, but it’s true. Remember that despite every lovely post on tumblr telling us all how precious and perfect and sensitive and rare and incredible and delicate and on and on and on….despite EVERY one of those flowery descriptions of littles, that doesn’t mean their relationships aren’t a two way street. Dom-drop exists! Daddy/mommy-drop exists! Bigs have stress! Bigs are sensitive too! The most aggressive, dominant, in-control and serious daddy dom might still need someone to ask about THEIR day. They are no less powerful, in control, masculine, or whatever else they fear they aren’t just because they need help and attention too! 

And if you’re in a relationship that focuses so completely on one partner to the detriment of the other that they resent, regret, or dislike what’s happening, they might leave. They might not tell you the whole story, they might tell you they’re sorry they aren’t enough, but the truth is, it’s a two-way street. A submissive is supposed to be a PARTNER, even if the power dynamic isn’t equally shared. A little is a COMPANION, who needs to show that they aren’t just their to be pampered and cared for to the exclusion of all else. Because that doesn’t make them NEEDY or DEPENDENT or  any of the flowery words we use…it makes them, bluntly, selfish. And no matter how much you want to deny it? If you’re that kind of little, you know. 

Finally…
I am bringing this up because I’m seeing people posting things that seem to say any unhappy little is a failed caregiver, and any caregiver who is anything less than flawless, perfect, eternally giving, and accepting of ANY problem is not a good one. And that’s not fair. 
Not to get into specifics, but i dated someone who was the sort of little that was…just unfair. They required my attention, sure, but it wasn’t just that. If they wanted to talk, I was a bad person if I was at work! If they met me and we spent a lovely whole day together, then I was a bad person for not being able to spend the night, because I had work in the morning. They wrote about how littles need to respect and understand their bigs and their bigs’ needs, but then ignored mine, were selfish, cruel, and made me feel like every effort I put in was nothing, insufficient, and not appreciated. It made it REALLY hard to keep giving of myself when nothing I did was enough, or right, or fair. To be told that 100% of your energy is worth 0% appreciation? It kills any relationship on the spot. 

So appreciate your littles, caregivers. Appreciate your caregivers, littles. Dominants, remember that your position is one of control and respect, but also remember that you are allowed to have needs. Submissives, remember that submission is a choice you made, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to help your dominant when they clearly need it. And everyone remember than no matter the NATURE of a relationship, it’s still a two way street. It requires two (or more, for poly couples/groups) people working together to work out well. And it means that EVERYBODY INVOLVED needs to know when to speak up, admit what they need, and ask for help when they require it. 
Sound fair?
I hope so.


Regards,
-Scribbler

From Anon: “Hi mr I wasnt sure how to do this but could you write me a story about my bear bumbum? he got named that b/c he got made for me by my old daddy but at buildabear the bears stuffing was all bunched up so the only thing he had was a big butt! lol! And even though me and daddy aren’t together anymore i miss him and holding bumbum makes me feel little and special so i was wanting a story. Since you asked for details i guess you should know im a babygirl aged 1 or 2 when i get little and i like using my paci a lot. My daddy used to say that bumbum was perfect for me because we both had big butts lol! I hope that’s enough. Please?”

Sure! Though I think this one will have to be rather short. And I’m going to have to assume that babygirl and aged 1-2 with a paci MIGHTmean you like diapers? OR at least….for the sake of the story I’ll assume it? This is why it’s easier for me to write stories for non-anonymous sources, so I can look up a bit of what they like! 

BumBum the Bear was a very special sort.
He was not as tall or thick or tough as the other stuffed bears. He wasn’t quite as strong. Since all the stuffing in his body got all bunched up, instead of having tough arms, and a tough head and a strong tummy….he just had a super fluffy booty! And perhaps most obvious of all, his fluffy booty was HUGE in addition to being fluffy and soft and stuffed! 

Well, as you imagine, he got teased quite a bit. Every time he walked into a room, his bullies would sing “FAT BOTTOMED BEARS” (a not too clever satire of ‘fat bottomed girls’ by Queen), and when the poor BumBum backed up, his tormentors made a beeping sound like a truck or bus backing up. Sometimes they even called him ‘KimKim’ instead of BumBum, because apparently some silly celebrity named Kim had a big booty too! BumBum was so tired of it, and so annoyed, that he made every effort possible effort to get adopted! Sadly, not everyone seemed to WANT a stuffie with a big caboose.

So, as time went on, and BumBum got a little more sad, he tried everything he could to be just a bit more normal looking (just like many little boys and girls try!) He tried to move his stuffing around, but ended up just getting a sore booty. He tried to eat less, before eventually remembering that stuffed animals don’t need to eat! He tried to work out, but despite doing quite a few squats and running laps around the toy store every night, his booty never shrank!

When all seemed lost, and he gave up on trying to find the best position to be seen by people wanting to adopt a stuffed bear, he decided to sit in the back of the case, so no one else would be able to see him. This, he hoped, might at least make it harder for the bullies to notice him…which would have been true, if it weren’t for the fact that the very first day he sat in the back of the case, a tall, dark, handsome and rugged man came along with a little girl holding his hand. First, the man (who the little girl quietly and privately seemed to be calling ‘daddy’) looked at his little one, and then he looked at the bears. He quietly and sneakily pinched her booty, and although BumBum couldn’t hear what was said, he did notice she blushed, and whispered something back about ‘being dry’ and ‘diapees’, whatever that meant. And the other thing he noticed was…she TOO had quite the badonkadonk!

Yes, that little girl whose booty crinkled as she walked seemed to also have a bit of ‘junk in the trunk’. Maybe it was her natural shape! Maybe she was like whoever that famous Kim celebrity was, who made an effort to get a big booty. Or maybe whatever caused her to crinkle as she walked was to blame. But whatever the case, the girl seemed to have quite the noticeable derriere. 

And so, the same day he gave up and moved to the back of the case, BumBum was chosen by this daddy and little girl to be hers. And he found, in that wonderful, unusual little lady, a friend who not only didn’t mind his backside, but found it cute. And as time went on, he found that he liked her having a big booty too, and they spent a long and happy life together, snuggling, shaking their booties, and being happy, big-bummed friends for good!

The end!

NOT sure it’s what you wanted. NOT sure it’s perfect. But I’m trying to still make it through. I don’t have as many requests for stories as I did, so I’ll get through the ones I have left eventually, if no more come in (though I’m FINE with more coming in!). Further, I’m glad you seem to like it, people..though I admit, I’m a TINY bit sad the only ones who seem to read, share, or comment are the people any given story is written for. Still, any and all appreciation or feedback is loved, and i hope you like what I’m writing for you. 
Be well folks!
-Scribbler