damnhotmsimmons:

Drowning Ch.1

Matthew Simmons x Reader

Short Series

*Explicit content warning* Angst/Smut/Fluff

Summary: Reader helps Matthew work through getting divorced, but how much of herself can she give before breaking?

“Daddy!” The screams get louder the harder I sprint into the black hall. I can’t get to them. “I’m right here. I’m here.” I yell breathless, reaching out to the end of the hall. Just as my hand touches the wall, the hall stretches into further darkness. “Daddy, please!” They scream again and I feel my airway tightening. My babies. I can’t stop, I have to get to them.

You failed.

“Tell me where you are” I shout trying to listen for them over the constant overbearing dripping sound, wailing as a timer of my horror. “Why aren’t you here daddy?” I recognize my youngest daughter’s cry that time, stopping my feet from moving, buckling to my knees.

You can’t protect them.

“I’m here baby, I promise.” I cough crawling to her voice, becoming blinded by smoke. The dripping it’s faster. God, it won’t stop. I can’t breathe. I can’t make it to them.

Drip.

“We see you, daddy.” I squint up, still trying to drag my body across the burning floor. It’s them. I can only see small shadowing figures, but it has to be them. It has to. “Hey come here, it’s okay.” I smile, as the figures slowly float toward me.

Drip.

You’re going to lose them.

The ground shakes, a large crack splintering in the floor traveling toward them. They scream scrambling to hold each other. “Daddy the ground is moving.”

Drip.

“Hold on, I’m here.” Get up, Matt. Get up now.

Drip.

“We’re falling daddy, save us.” My burning eyes freeze, watching the ground begin to crumble beneath my loves, my reason for living.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

“Matt…”

“Matt!”

She half stepped backward to let me stand, towering over her frame once I was in front of her. She shyly dropped her eyes, scanning over the t-shirt and gym shorts I slept in to keep her comfortable. “Sorry to wake you, I’m going to grab a shower to relax” I announce causing her to look back up. She only nodded before clumsily whirling toward her bed.

“Matt you need to wake up.” I lunged up from the bed, looking at Y/N staring at me with worried eyes. “Are you okay?” She whispers gently touching my shoulder. My hand still clenching my chest, gasping for air to calm my body. I look over to her hand on my shoulder, causing her to withdraw it quickly, looking down to the ground sheepishly.

“I’m okay. Bad dream” I answered trying to convince myself also. Her eyes narrowed contemplating to push further, biting the corner of her lip pulling my eyes down to the plump flesh. “Okay. If you need to talk, I’m always here.” She smiled so sweetly it was almost annoying. Reverting my eyes to her own, I nodded weakly, before standing from the bed.

Once in the small bathroom, I turn on the water first to let it warm before undressing and stepping under the stream. The hot water only reminded me again of the awful dream I keep having, making my muscles tense. Realistically, tense had been my only state the past months. I’m going to snap if it gets any worse, but I don’t see any glimpse of hope. All I feel is lonely. And angry, so damn angry.

I haven’t even been able to relieve myself since I moved. With so much worry and pain always clouding my mind, I feel like an unstable bomb waiting to blow. Desperate to release some of this pressure I wrap my hand around my cock, using the warm water to gently stroke over myself.

I let my head fall back against the shower wall, clenching my eyes shut tight, biting onto my lip to keep in a deprived moan. Just think of anything but her.

“Fuck, come on.” I pump faster, feeling my chest starting to rise faster. My hips jerk toward as my thumb circles over my tip, a groan vibrating through my chest. Finally, I was getting close. I’d give anything to hear a pretty little voice crying my name.

You’re losing them.

No, God, please. Not now. My throat instantly squeezes, the haunting burning feeling in my chest returning. I tried to stop the loud sob that bypassed my pride, folding my face over into my hands, letting the salty tears mix with the water running over. I can’t do this.

I flip the water off, taking one step out of the shower before catching a glimpse of the defeated man in the small mirror. Before I could stop myself; my fist collided with the wall. The full force of months of frustration shattering the mirror.

><

You were just about to drift back to sleep when you thought you heard a moan come from the shower. The shower Matt just entered. You freeze to listen more carefully, you then hear a faint profanity moaned again. You feel guilty that a shock tingled straight to your core, but it wasn’t meant for you to hear.

Even if you weren’t invading his privacy, Matt has a beautiful family. You shake the thought, turning to face the wall opposite the bathroom. Of course; with your damned luck, his next moan was louder, you couldn’t stop the mental image of Matt’s tall, muscular body flexing as he pleasured himself. Stop, this is wrong.

Matt and yourself had been friends a couple of years, ever since your start at the BAU. You adored his loyalty to his family and held a secret guilty pleasure of watching him be a badass in the field. That’s why when there was a shortage of rooms you agreed to room with him because it was never awkward, he always made you feel comfortable.

You clench your thighs trying to stop your thoughts, but it honestly didn’t help. Your thought is interrupted by a loud crashing sound from the shower. You jump up running to the shower, pushing through the door. “Matt are you okay?” You yell as the door swings open, but the sight in front of you silences you.

He slowly looks up to you, his chest still heaving, water dripping down his body that had nothing covering it. After looking for a second too long you turn your face to the side, feeling the blush taking over your skin. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were hurt.” You stutter, seeing him reach for a towel out of your peripheral vision.

“It’s okay.” He finally breathes, his voice doesn’t sound the same. It sounds empty. You turn back slowly, finding him still staring at you with the towel clinging lowly on his hips. There was undeniable pain in his eyes, it made your heart wrench. You wanted to ask him again, something was clearly bothering him the past months. You couldn’t even recall seeing him smile. Not wanting to pry, you turn from him to walk away from the embarrassment.

“Kristy and I separated.” It’s barely a whisper, but you caught it just as you exited the door. Your feet became heavy, not sure how to react to the information. You look back at his dark eyes, everything in you wanted to hug him, but after the recent events, you decided against it. Matt let out a long sigh, almost as to be relieved to say it.

You initially wonder why he would choose to tell you first, he was closer with some of the other team, like Luke. You always hated situations like these. How do you respond to that news? There is only so many time a person can hear “I’m sorry” before it’s as dreadful as the event itself.

“How long?” You ask softly. “6 months” He cringed slightly at his words. “I’m so sorry Matt.” You offer not knowing what else to say, by the way his jaw clenched signaled it was ill-timed. “Stop. Please. I don’t need sympathy right now, okay?” He snapped taking a step closer to you. You had sadly been through a heartbreak, so you understood how he feels.

“Well, what do you need?” You ask, purposefully not making it about yourself. His eyes drop slowly over your body, making you feel naked in your silk pajama set. He took another step forward, only leaving an arm’s length between your bodies, the air around you suddenly feeling thick.

“I need to forget.” His delayed answer making your air hitch. “Forget how?” You stare at him with doe eyes, asking if he was implying what you believed he was. “With you.” Is all he answered, and you never believed two such simple words could make you question your morals. “I just need to forget for a little while.” He continues, but now closing the space between you. Your heart pounded against your ribcage, trying to convince yourself not to sleep with your coworker.

“We work together.” You use your last bit of self-control to alter. “Yeah, and last week I remember you saying it had been a while for you because we work so much. We can help each other.” His reasoning sounding much more appealing than your own. Your eyes graze down his abs again, following the v-shaped lines that faded under the white towel, causing you to let out a defeated sigh.

“Stop biting that damn lip.” He groans boxing you in between his arms, but still refraining from touching you. A smirk played at your lips looking up at him. “I can’t help it.” You admit pushing yourself back flush to the door frame. “Then I can’t help this.”

Matt’s kiss was powerful and soft at the same time, cupping both hands to your waist. One of your hands hooked around his neck while leaving the other free to feel down his torso. You thought you could’ve been dreaming until you felt him lightly nip the lip he told you to stop biting, causing you to moan against his lips. He paused kissing you to pick you up pushing against the frame, as you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist.

“Stop me now.” He muffled into your neck kissing teasingly over your pulse point, holding you up by your hips. “Don’t you dare stop” You groan needing more. He smirks against your skin before carrying you to the closest bed, pushing your bodies into the mattress.

You pull him back down to you but passing his lips to attach wet kisses down his neck, running your fingers through his short hair. His cool hands send chills over your skin as he explored your curves, stopping eventually at the band of your silk shorts. He tugged them down slowly also hooking your underwear, sitting up to finish removing them.

After throwing the clothes to the ground, he ran a hand up each of your legs parting them enough to admire your bare center, your body squirming just from his stare. He settled back between your legs, using his hips to further spread you for him.

“Matt, please.” You whine growing impatient. He chuckles lightly at you before you finally caressing over your pussy with his fingertips. “God, you’re so ready for me.” Matt moans feeling you, making your hips buckle from the light touch.

Not wasting any more time, Matt tugs his towel away, letting you take in his naked body for a second time. Now bare, he wraps his arm around your waist sliding you down to better align with him. He left a few more kisses along your jaw before burying himself into you, his hands flung up to grip the headboard, crying out at the sensation of feeling you mold to him. His head hung between his arms hovering inches above yours, he kept his eyes on yours as he began to thrust slowly. Tears form in his eyes again, everything he was feeling swimming in them.

“I - I’m sorry…I haven’t” He starts trying to explain, but you didn’t need an explanation. “Shhh. You’re okay.” You whisper holding both sides of his face tenderly. He didn’t say any words, but his eyes thanked you for understanding. You sweetly smile and kiss him gently again, running your hands over the painfully tight muscles in his shoulders. After reassuring him, he gradually increased his pace until you couldn’t help sinking your nails into his back, rocking your hips to match his rhythm.

“Fuck” Matt grunts against your neck, as you wrap your legs tighter around him to go deeper. He fucked you harder causing you to gasp, you could have never imagined Matt making you feel like this. The headboard began making cracking sounds under the pressure of Matt’s hands, you looked up to see how hard he gripped it with both hands, causing his knuckles to become white. Unsure of his own strength at the moment, he let the frame take the force of him, gripping harder as you drove him mad with each thrust into your oasis.

“You feel so good Matt, I’m so close.” You cry feeling your climax building. He moans at your words, lifting himself to see your face. You reach for the pillow beside you to muffle the scream you felt building in your chest the closer he pushed you to finish, but Matt tore it away from your face just as you begin unraveling.

“I want to see you cum y/n” He demands, on cue it makes you scream his name falling apart under him, finally gripping onto you to steady your thrashing body. Matt groans out at you squeezing around his pulsing cock, drawing out the last of your orgasm before he rushed to his knees retreating from you. You watch breathlessly as Matt takes himself in his hand to finish all over your stomach, with a hard jerk of his hips, his eyes fluttering trying to stay on you.

“Shit, that was so hot.” You smile once you both could speak again. “Oh yeah?” He chuckles at you and then heads to the bathroom to get a washcloth. He returned handing you then warm cloth, awkwardness filling the air between you. The awkward tension that you feared would come from this.

“Uh, thanks” You mutter keeping your eyes down. Quickly wiping your stomach, and retreating to the restroom. Once the door was closed, you rested your head against it, taking in a deep breath as your body still tingled. You couldn’t stop the smile that formed thinking about what just happened.

After gathering yourself and using the restroom, you walked back into the hotel room to find Matt gone. What did you do wrong? You look to the alarm clock that blinked 5:12, far too early for work. He just left without a word. You pick up your phone, noticing a text message from Matt. 

Matt:Went to the gym

Is all he sent. 

Reader:Be safe

You reply throwing the phone on the bed with a sigh. Now you were the one feeling lonely.