#day 1 damaged
AN: This is a drabble about my headcanon for Havocai.
Warning: Character has PTSD, night terrors and tremors
They come to me, the damaged.
Not the broken. Not the beaten, not the hopeless, not the crushed, but the damaged.
Come, I call, if you dream of hope for the future. Come, if you want to heal. I will erase scars in fresh blood, and I will give life through harshest pain. Come, if you do not fear the cost; come, if you do not fear the fear.
I’m called a mechanic, but it’s my job to be a messiah. Under my hand, uselessness becomes renewal and sorrow becomes joy. I don’t beat swords into plowshares – I turn them to hands and feet, legs and arms and hope. I’ve saved as many lives as the best of doctors; I’ve made possible as many livelihoods as the most generous of governors. There have been so many times, so many, when I watch someone stand up and feel like I stand on the top of the world, where the air is so thin there is pain mixed with the pride in my lungs.
But it’s hard – for them, and for me. I’m called a mechanic, but it’s my job to be a murderess. When my patients scream and writhe under scalpel and wrench; when my friends stumble on twisting ankles or objects fall out of spasming hands; when the hurt is too great to bear and my devoted lose faith and death swoops down clad in dark metal – then, I am the one damaged.
When it works, though…
I’m called a mechanic, but it’s my job to be a mother. I nurse my patients; I bear them through fiery pain, hold them up as they learn to walk or write, tend to their cuts and bruises, chastise them when they’ve moved beyond me and still you never call, you never write… It’s the same pain, I imagine, the same sharp pride that is so worth it. Every one of my children is close enough to my heart to tear it out.
And then there’s him.
He, who I have saved and slaughtered and loved so much; who perseveres through the pain that I and life have given him, and keeps coming back for more. He, the most damaged of them all, and yet the most strong, kind, wise, bright.
I’m called a mechanic – it’s my job to repair. The damaged come, and I help them, hurt them, give them a home, and then send them on their way, to weather the world as best they can. And they return, again and again, torn up and ripped to shreds by the forces out there, and I wipe away my tears and set to work, because that’s my job.
He will always be damaged.
But I’m a mechanic; it’s my job to fix that.