SUMMARY: We’re back to present day Obi-Wan and Satine. Time to connect all the dots. This is the conversation they’ve been avoiding for years…and I’m certain this chapter was a deleted scene from the Clone Wars LOL!
This is the chapter some of you have been waiting years to read. Thank you for sticking with me and for not giving up on reading this beast of a fic. I am grateful for every single one of you.
And as a thank you (and as a treat for myself) I commissioned some book covers for this fic. My dear friend @journen is an extremely talented artist. She took my concepts and turned them into beautiful masterpieces. Please give her a follow (she also sells amazing Obi-Wan prints on Etsy).
I hope you love the artwork. This is the first of 2 covers. I will post the second cover with the final chapter.
Please don’t repost this art anywhere without asking me first. Reblogs are totally fine, however Thank you, friends!
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CHAPTER 27
Coruscant
The city had calmed now that the hour was late but lanes filled with vehicles still whizzed past in the distance. Obi-Wan and Satine leaned against her balcony, watching the twinkling lights while they silently sipped tea. Deep familiarity and nervous uncertainty fluttered between them, both aware this evening could end painfully.
“It’s never dark here,” Satine said wistfully, breaking their silence. “Do you never tire of it?”
Obi-Wan leaned forward onto his elbows. “I suppose I’m used to the lights.”
“And you never want to escape?” she teased.
The corner of his mouth pulled up into a half smile. “Actually, I do,” he confessed.
She turned to him, surprised by his honest answer. “Really?”
“Sometimes I wish I could just disappear, go somewhere where no one knows who I am, get away from everything.”
“I understand how you feel.”
He saw sadness flash through her eyes. “There are no days off when you’re a duchess.”
“Nor any for a Jedi. No,” she sighed, “our duty demands constant vigilance. Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you were just a regular person?”
Obi-Wan knew being the Duchess of Mandalore was Satine’s deepest passion. He wondered what she was trying to get him to say. “I have never wished to be anything other than what I am.”
She frowned. “That’s not what I meant. Haven’t you ever daydreamed about other possibilities?”
His heart sank, fearing that she was pushing the conversation into remnants of the past. “I gave up daydreaming a long time ago.”
Satine’s face suddenly changed, her entire body going rigid as old emotional wounds split open.
He had hurt her without even trying.
“Very well,” she said, her tone hardening. “No more games.” She had grown tired of her own artifice, tired of dancing around their shared history.
Obi-Wan clenched his jaw and turned to her, steeling himself for the debate that was beginning.
“Didn’t our time together mean anything to you?” she launched in.
He felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. “Of course it did. Meeting you changed me forever.”
“But it wasn’t enough.”
“Wasn’t enough for what?”
“For you to treat me with respect,” her tone was getting heated.
“I have been nothing but courteous with you,” he replied, fighting to remain calm.
“Courteous while keeping me well and truly at arms-length, like you’re beating back a dog who is begging for your scraps.”
Obi-Wan was stunned into silence.
But he had to admit she was right, he had been pushing her away from the very moment they were reunited. That she had sensed it was no surprise; she was an intelligent, intuitive woman. And, what’s more, he hadn’t been subtle about holding her off. He was afraid of what she might do to him, afraid that letting her in would only reopen the heartache from his youth.
“Do you never think of us?” she asked.
“I try not to,” he said, forcing himself to be honest. He was attempting to tell her the truth without getting pulled deeper into the mess that existed between them. “Leaving you destroyed me, but I thought it was what you wanted. After that, I couldn’t bear to think of Draboon or Mandalore or you. The very thought of it was agony. And then… Qui-Gon was killed. I’m sorry, but no, I couldn’t bear those memories, I shut them away where I would never have to face the pain. Everything changed after I left Mandalore. Anakin was all I had; I poured everything into him. And now he despises me.”
Satine was overwhelmed by all his confessions. She could hardly process everything, so she clung to the one thing she felt certain of. “Anakin does not despise you.”
“He’s resented me for years,” Kenobi said bitterly. “He thinks I don’t know, but he’s not very good at hiding his emotions.”
“He resents authority, not you. He loves you.”
“Qui-Gon would have done better.”
“You’ve given Anakin stability, something his nature lacks.”
“He needs more than I can give him.”
She threw up her hands. “What is wrong with all you Jedi? You and Qui-Gon are exactly the same. Don’t you know how much Anakin loves you? How much Qui-Gon loved you?”
For some reason, Satine telling him what he did and did not know about his master was the final straw that pushed him into anger. “My master abandoned me, Satine.”
She shook her head, confused. “What do you mean? He didn’t abandon you.”
“He did. Not long after we left Mandalore.”
“I don’t understand.” Satine was clearly disturbed.
“He found a little boy in the middle of nowhere, an amazing boy who was strong with the Force. A boy he believed to be the chosen one.”
Her eyes widened. “Anakin.”
“Within days of meeting him, my master cast me off and took Anakin as his apprentice instead. But before the arrangement could be made official, Qui-Gon was killed. He died in my arms, begging me to train the boy.” Obi-Wan’s eyes had become hard and glassy, deep pain clear on his face.
Satine’s heart ached. How could the Jedi Master she knew do such a thing to the Padawan he had cared for so much? “Why?” she whispered.
“It was the will of the Force,” Obi-Wan replied flatly. “I’m sorry to sully your memories of him, but it’s the truth.”
“He must have believed you were ready to take the trials.”
“If he did, he found the most heartless way possible to push me into them.”
“Knowing what I do of Qui-Gon, I can’t believe it was done with malicious intent.”
“I don’t think Qui-Gon was trying to be malicious. I think he was careless.”
Satine bit her lip. “He never told you how he felt about you, did he?”
“He told me he was proud of me. Does that count?”
She came closer to him, wanting desperately to reassure him. “Obi, after…the…bounty hunters…” she was nervous to breach the subject that had once been so painful for him, “Qui-Gon was beside himself with worry. I don’t know how lucid you were for some of it, but he was terrified to lose you. He knew he wasn’t allowed to confess it, but I know for certain that your master loved you dearly.”
“He was not one to be bogged down by attachment. He clearly had no qualms about ‘losing’ me to Anakin.”
“Don’t be so obstinate,” she said, annoyed. “I’m sure he never told you this, but the night before you left Mandalore, he begged me to go to you and make peace. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy, to find the path that was meant for you…”
“He did what?” Obi-Wan stopped her, totally shocked.
“He told me I should go to your room,” she said slowly and quietly, suddenly nervous about her confession.
“He told you to make peace with me?” He was confused, surprised that his master would have spoken to Satine on his behalf.
“Yes, he did.”
“But you didn’t?” he asked, fighting to keep his tone even.
“No, I didn’t,” she whispered. “To my everlasting shame.”
Obi-Wan was beginning to feel shaky, his blood turning to ice as the hair stood up on the back of his neck. There was too much coming at him, too much to process. How had this conversation, that was supposed to be about his relationship with Satine, turned into revelations about Anakin and Qui-Gon?
“May I ask you something?” she interrupted his thoughts.
“Of course,” he replied, forcing himself to focus on the her.
“That night, the night of my coronation, you have never second-guessed your decision, have you?”
“No.”
“You have no regrets?”
“Only in that killing Gorfod made you hate me. But I would rather have you alive and hating me than dead.”
“I never hated you, Obi-Wan. I was shocked, deeply disturbed by his betrayal.”
“You despised me, Satine.”
“I was upset, yes. I needed time to come to terms with Gorfod’s treachery. But I could never hate you.”
“Well, it was unfortunate that the Jedi Council had other plans. There was no time for you to come to terms with anything before I was called back to Coruscant.”
“Indeed.”
He noticed how her lips pressed into a thin flat line. “You seem angry,” he said.
“I’m surprised you went away so quickly. I thought you might have wanted to stay. Unless I was simply a young fool who mistook a dalliance for true love. But I had thought there was something deeply meaningful between us.”
“I wanted to stay. In fact, I had hoped you would ask me to stay. But after the coronation ceremony, you clearly wanted me out of your sight.”
“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
He was suddenly angry. Why was this his fault? After all, she had been the one to end things. “Why didn’t you ask me to stay?”
“Because I was angry. I didn’t know what to say. Can’t you see how difficult it was? Gorfod and his son…they were like my family. I had to watch the man I loved kill my family.”
“You were so angry with me, Satine, that you wouldn’t even look at me much less speak to me. Was I supposed to take that as an invitation to stay with you?”
“No, Obi-Wan. But, after everything we’d experienced, after you were tortured and nearly died, I was filled with fear. Seeing you kill someone…” She could not bring herself to finish her sentence.
“Made me no better than the men I killed. Yes, I remember your words.”
“I’m a pacifist. I would rather die than watch any violence perpetrated on another because of me.”
He stared at her for a long time before saying, “Do you think I killed those men for selfish reasons?”
“I don’t know what to think. I’ve always hoped you didn’t do it for us.”
He sighed defeatedly. “How could you think that of me, that I would kill someone because I loved you? That’s not the kind of man I am, Satine.”
“Of course, I know that, Obi.”
“I saw the bigger picture. I acted on behalf of the greater good. They had wired the building with explosives from end to end. They planned to kill everyone. How many innocent members of your court should have died with you that day? I was acting on behalf of all Mandalorians, who had just endured a brutal civil war. To have their Duchess murdered on the day she was crowned, and to have all members of government killed in one felled swoop would have brought ruination to your system. If only you and I had been at risk that day, perhaps I would have acted differently. I like to think that I’d have honored your pacifism, but I’m only human. Perhaps then I would have acted selfishly.”
Satine took a deep breath, steadying herself against the memories that emerged. “I’m haunted by what you said to me on Valon, by how you predicted everything so perfectly. You said they wouldn’t just kill me, you said they would destroy me, make an example of me.”
Obi-Wan’s chest tightened. “I didn’t want to be right.”
“I know,” she said, fighting back tears. “Why didn’t I listen? Hadn’t you already proven yourself to me?”
He went cold again, overwhelmed by her acknowledgement. Obi-Wan Kenobi had gone nearly his entire life with hardly ever a word of validation from those around him. His skill, his compassion, his power was constantly taken for granted. Now he knew, deep down, that Satine truly saw him.
“You had proven yourself time and again, but I was stubborn and wouldn’t listen to your wisdom. If only I had listened to you, trusted you.”
He turned away, suddenly emotional.
“I know that you did the right thing, Obi-Wan, whether your intentions were selfish or not, I know you were duty bound to protect me and my people. You went above and beyond the call. I know what kind of man you are.”
Tears stung his eyes but he brushed them away. “I know you do. That’s what makes this so hard.” He forced himself to look at her. “You are the only person who has ever known me as I am, not just as a Jedi. But what am I now? I’ve given up everything for the Jedi. After Qui-Gon died I got pulled into a life I could never have foreseen. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Me, the real me.”
“The real you is a Jedi Master.”
“Do you remember all those years ago, when you told me that giving up my sense of self was squandering a gift?”
She closed the distance between them, her voice filled with compassion. “Obi-Wan, I was young and naïve. I didn’t yet understand what sacrifices were required to serve a greater good. Even at a young age, you understood the nobility in serving something larger than yourself.”
“But it’s like I don’t even exist anymore.” He was fighting back tears.
She cupped his cheek in her hand. “That’s not true. You are honorable and valiant. That is you, Obi-Wan.” He shook his head but she would not accept his resistance. “You were born this way; it is not learned. The Jedi did not make you honorable and valiant. You are an honorable and valiant man and that is what makes you an exceptional Jedi.”
He was shaking with emotion, but his eyes showed that her words had reached his heart. He was in so much pain. His past had caught up with him and all the suffering he carried seemed to be bubbling out at once. They were holding each now, each cupping the other’s face in their hands. “You broke my heart,” he said through clenched teeth.
Tears spills down her cheeks now. “I know. I broke us both.”
She was not the only one to blame. All his pride melted and he had nothing left in his heart but compassion. “Forgive me,” he whispered as his tears flowed, no longer able to hold them back.
“For what?” she softly admonished him.
“I should have found another way. I should have found a way to stop Gorfod that wouldn’t have been so traumatizing for you.”
They were fully wrapped around each other now. “You saved my life. I accept you and I forgive you.” He wiped away her tears. “Forgive my pridefulness, Obi. If only I had talked to you, we could have both avoided all this pain.”
“There has been so much left unsaid and it’s destroying us both, Satine.”
“Then, in this moment, let us be blunt.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. He had no wish widen their wounds, but he had to speak the truth. “I’m sorry I can’t be the man you want me to be. I can’t marry you or hold your hand in public. I can’t leave the Order for you. Not now.”
She smiled gently. “Obi, you misunderstand my wishes. I would never ask that of you. Being a Jedi has defined you from the very beginning. Asking you to give that up would be like asking you to give up yourself. I love you as you are. So no, all I ask is that you finally tell me how you feel about me. I bared my soul to you the other day as we journeyed to Coruscant on the Coronet. I told you I loved you, and all you replied was that had I said the word, you would have left the Jedi Order. But that is not the same as love. You say one thing, then do another. You say we are friends and that you cannot hold my hand in public, yet you reach for me constantly, you support me, defend me, protect me. Please, Obi-Wan. I ask nothing of you except that you tell me the truth. Please put an end to my torment and set me free from this prison of self-doubt.”
Finally, he understood. He let go of control and allowed the Force’s current to take him.
Without a second thought Obi-Wan pulled Satine’s lips to his and kissed her passionately, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. When he felt tears fall from her eyes onto his cheeks he pulled back and at long last spoke the truth. “I have always loved you, Satine. My heart is yours.” They kissed again, their lips trembling as fifteen years of pain began to crumble and fall away. He buried his head in her neck, her hands deep in his hair as she held him against her. “I am at your mercy,” he whispered against her skin. “Demand that I stay with you. Banish me. Kill me. I am yours to command.”
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “Be yourself, my love. If you stay, stay of your own free will.”
He hugged her closer, his strong arms easily enveloping her. “You deserve so much better than what I can offer.”
“I have no expectations. I have what I want now that I know your feelings.”
“Could I satisfy you with this? To know that I love you and that I carry you in my heart wherever I go? How could that ever be enough?”
She brushed her thumb across his lips. “It’s more than I ever hoped for.” She gently kissed the corner of his mouth and he closed his eyes, savoring the sensation.
“How will you reconcile our love with your Code?” She worried the implication would hang heavily on him and lead him to resent her. But when he looked into her eyes, his expression was easy and peaceful.
“I gave an oath to the Jedi. But the Jedi are not more powerful than the Force. Things are clear to me now. We were meant to hold each other’s hearts.”
“And what of attachment?”
He glanced down, searching his soul for the answer. “Attachment may lead to a fear of loss, a selfish desire to hold on to what is not yours to possess. I’m not afraid to die.” He looked at her, needing her absolution.
“Nor am I,” she replied. “Death is something I came to terms with long ago. I’m not so afraid to lose you, Obi-Wan, that I won’t be able to do my duty. I expect nothing less from you.”
He was relieved to see she was of the same mindset. He could remain a Jedi, and love Satine, as long as it was understood that he could put nothing above his selfless duty to the greater good. He loved her all the more for offering him this equity. He ran his hands through her hair and kissed her forehead. “I promise you this, whenever we’re together, especially in private, you will have my undivided attention. No war, no Code, no expectation will distract me. I will live in the moment with you, every chance I have.”
They nuzzled each other, savoring the intimacy their lives had been lacking. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.
“You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. And I’m grateful for it. To need someone is to be a weight around their neck.”
“You’re right. I don’t need you. I want you. I choose you, Satine.”
“Then yes, I’m sure this is what I want.
And in that moment, all was stripped away. No more Jedi Master nor Duchess. Simply Obi-Wan and Satine.
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END NOTES
NEXT CHAPTER: The final chapter, written as a gift to all those who have stuck with this fic…and especially for those of you who wished this was a “fix it” fic ❤️
SUMMARY: Please excuse me while I rip your heart from your chest… heartbreak and more anxiety attacks in this chapter. This is the Mandalorian conclusion. We’ll go back to “present” day in the next chapter.
TRIGGER WARNING! For anyone prone to anxiety attacks, please use caution later in the chapter. As a person who has anxiety attacks, I know reading about them can dredge up feelings. So please take care.
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CHAPTER 26
Mandalore
The next afternoon, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon went before the Duchess and her full court to take formal leave. Emotions were mixed; not all Mandalorians approved of the Jedi, but even the most fervid nationalists felt particular respect for Obi-Wan Kenobi who had not only rescued their sovereign but also foiled a plot to overthrow what remained of their government.
Even so, Kenobi seemed gaunt to Qui-Gon, as though he had pulled his Force energy so tightly around him that he was beginning to shrink in on himself. The young man clearly had not slept; he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes, and he averted his gaze all morning, as though he could not bear to look at anyone. The older Jedi wondered if Satine had taken his advice and gone to his Padawan’s room. If she had, it obviously hadn’t gone well.
In fact, the Duchess had not gone to Obi-Wan. He waited all night, wondering if she would come. He could not go to her, especially now that she was constantly surrounded by her praetorian guard. But no knock ever came; with each passing hour Kenobi became more and more certain that she no longer cared for him.
As they entered the throne room and walked up the aisle toward the dais, Qui-Gon walked with a long, noble posture, but Obi-Wan, the hero, kept his eyes lowered. He would need every ounce of self-control to get through this.
“Duchess,” Qui-Gon said, formally bowing. “We have come to take our leave.”
“I am most sorry to see you go,” Satine replied, her voice strong and regal. “All of Mandalore is in your debt.” Her tone softened slightly. “Iam forever in your debt.”
“There is no debt, my lady. It is our honor to protect and serve those in need. We wish you every happiness and success.”
She bowed, accepting his good wishes on behalf of her people. “The Jedi will be our allies from this day forward.”
“A welcome change from our contentious history.”
“Indeed. Let this be the beginning of a more peaceful Mandalore.” She held her hand out.
Qui-Gon stepped forward and kissed it. “I wish you every good fortune, Duchess. May the Force be with you.”
“Farewell, Master Jedi. My gratitude travels home with you. May the Force protect you always.”
Qui-Gon stepped back.
Now it was Obi-Wan’s turn. As he stepped toward Satine’s outstretched hand, the court sent up a cheer. Under other circumstances, it may have been a joyous monument, but instead it sent a painful stab into the young man’s heart. He clenched his jaw and willed himself to remain in control. He took Satine’s fingers in his and gently kissed the back of her hand. “My lady,” he managed to get out.
The crowd still cheered, and no one could have overheard their exchange, but Satine simply said, “I thank you for everything, Padawan Kenobi.”
Kenobi’s throat tightened at her formality. That’s it then, he thought. He stepped back, letting her hand slip from his.
The crowd quieted and Satine said, “Go in peace, Jedi. And remember, Mandalore will always be a friend to you.”
The two men bowed and turned to leave.
The ordeal was over.
This had been one of the most challenging missions Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had ever faced. Their duty was done and it was time to move on to the next person in need.
As they walked through the palace toward the landing pad where their shuttle awaited, Obi-Wan felt like he was in a daze.
It was ending.
He knew it was ending.
He would never see Satine again.
After everything that had happened, how could it resolve like this?
If not for Qui-Gon’s presence beside him, he may never have made it up the ramp onto the ship. He crossed the threshold from one world into the other and he didn’t look back. He couldn’t bear to see that Satine wasn’t there, wasn’t running after him, wasn’t trying to stop him. As the shuttle ramp closed, all the blood drained from his head and he quickly had to sit down next to his Master. His hands were shaking and his breathing was noticeably heavy.
The Jedi temple guards piloted the ship off the landing pad, and as they exited the atmosphere and entered hyperspace, Obi-Wan broke down. He didn’t sob, he just sat there as tears silently poured down his cheeks, his eyes glassy and defeated.
Qui-Gon could feel the boy’s anguish. “Remember, young one,” he said gently, “the Force has its reasons.”
Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, his eyes never shifting. “Yes, Master.”
The older Jedi wanted to do something for his apprentice, wanted to take his pain away and comfort him. But before Jinn could say or do anything, Kenobi turned away and tucked his head against the seat. “I need to sleep,” he said flatly. He closed his eyes and pretended to rest, but all he could focus on was the way his heart bled in his chest.
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Readjusting to life at the Temple was strange at first. One does not easily set down the mantle of suspicion and survivalism and simply return to normal. For weeks Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan caught themselves bristling, searching for signs of threat when there were none. Neither had fully appreciated how heightened their sense of danger had become over the past year. Each struggled in their own way to reestablish a comfortable routine.
The fact that Kenobi looked slightly different did not escape the Council’s notice. The visible scaring on his face, hands, and arms were the obvious tells, but when the two Jedi returned to the Temple, each needed medical care. Qui-Gon’s wounds were recent, but Kenobi had injuries under injuries, and the healers saw them while the young man was suspended in bacta. The Council questioned Qui-Gon about Obi-Wan but the Jedi Master kept the promise he made to his student and simply replied that his Padawan had sacrificed a great deal in order to keep the Duchess safe.
In the weeks since their return, Qui-Gon tried to give Obi-Wan space. Though he hid it well from others, the young man was grieving. Jinn knew his apprentice wasn’t sleeping or eating very much, but what worried the older Jedi most was how silent Obi-Wan had become. He hardly ever spoke, not during classes, not with his friends, not even when he sat one-on-one across from his master for tea. He tended their house plants more than usual and he sparred often, usually with Quinlan Vos. There was a darkness hanging over Kenobi, a battle between anger and sadness.
Qui-Gon wanted to help, but he could not force his apprentice to talk. All he could do was hover invisibly and keep the young man under a watchful eye; after all, grief was a path to the dark side.
But, his carefully constructed distance collapsed one evening, whether by accident or by the Force’s intervention he would never be sure.
Very late one night, Qui-Gon was roused from a shallow sleep by someone banging on his door. Bant Eerin, one of Obi-Wan’s sweet friends, bowed respectfully when the Jedi Master appeared, but she was agitated. “Master Qui-Gon, I’m sorry to wake you but we need your help.”
“We?”
“Yes, Quinlan and I. Something has happened with Obi-Wan and we don’t know what to do.”
Jinn swung around to look at his Padawan’s bedroom door and saw that it stood open, the lights off. “I didn’t know he had gone out.”
“He never went to bed.”
“Lead the way, Bant, and tell me what’s happened.”
They started down the corridor and headed toward the lifts as the young Mon Calamari explained as best she could. “Obi-Wan and Quinlan were sparring again. They’ve been at it for hours, sort of messing around but also trying to develop new form combinations. We all decided to stay up late.” They entered the lift and it descended toward the practice hall. “Well, actually, we didn’t want to leave Obi-Wan alone so we stayed up with him. He’s been acting strange ever since you got back. But something happened a few minutes ago.” Her voice softly died out and she shook her head as though confused.
“What happened?” Qui-Gon gently encouraged.
“He just sort of collapsed.”
“Why didn’t you send for a healer?” he questioned, unable to keep the surprise from his tone.
“He begged us not to. After Quinlan threaten him, he finally told me to come get you instead of a healer.”
Qui-Gon wasn’t sure what he would find when he arrived in the practice salles, but he didn’t expect to find Obi-Wan sitting on the floor, pitched forward gasping for breath while Quinlan hugged him tightly around the shoulders.
The room was dark, the timer-controlled lights having shut off hours ago for the evening, but a few lamp droids hovered in the air, brought in by the three youths. Qui-Gon couldn’t see his Padawan’s face, but he recognized his posture. Obi-Wan hadn’t had an attack like this for years, not since Bant had been kidnapped and nearly murdered.
The Jedi Master knelt down in front of the boys. “Obi-Wan,” he said gently. “Look at me.”
Reluctantly, Kenobi lifted his head. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he fought for air through flared nostrils, his jaw clenched tight to hold back his emotions.
“You’re safe, young one. Quinlan’s got you. You can relax now.”
Obi-Wan locked eyes with his Master and blinked through his tears.
“That’s right. Calm your breathing. Take a deep breath and let it pass.”
Quinlan exchanged glances with the Jedi Master. “What’s happening?” he asked, trying to keep his own worry at bay.
“Obi-Wan has been under a lot of stress lately.”
Vos squeezed Kenobi tighter as he slowly began to relax. “Looks like we over did it, brother.”
Obi-Wan snorted his agreement.
“Perhaps you should take a break from sparring for a few days.”
After his apprentice seemed sufficiently calm, Qui-Gon excused Quinlan and Bant, thanking them for coming to get him.
When they were alone, Obi-Wan began to crumble, no longer having the energy to hide how he felt. His head drooped forward and he began to cry quietly. Qui-Gon’s heart tightened in his chest and he reached out, placing a hand on his Padawan’s head. “Oh, young one.”
“I know what happened was the will of the Force,” Obi-Wan said, clearly drained, his voice exhausted, “but how am I supposed to move on, Master? How can I let go of what happened when my body is a constant reminder?”
Realization dropped over Qui-Gon like a shroud. The boy’s scars. Every mark on his skin was a reminder of all that had happened.
“I suffered for her.” Obi-Wan’s voice was tight with pain, his head still hanging forward. “Every time I look in the mirror, all I can think of is her. And everything I endured to protect her.”
Qui-Gon pulled the boy into his arms. He had no real solution for his Padawan. The burden he carried was heavy, one that would never go away.
“All I can offer you is that time will lessen the pain.”
“It’s all so unfair.”
The older Jedi fought his own emotions. Feeling his Padawan’s anguish was heartbreaking. And it brought up his own raw memories. “It isn’t fair,” he said. “And it will always hurt, Obi-Wan. But with time, the pain will dull. It won’t occupy every waking moment. And with distance, you will gain a new perspective. But right now, it simply hurts.” He swallowed thickly. “I know from experience.”
Obi-Wan tightened his grip on his Master. “Tahl.”
Qui-Gon nodded.
“How did you ever heal after she died?”
“By acknowledging what little time we had was a beautiful gift.”
Obi-Wan pulled back and looked at his Master. “But you know Tahl loved you, right until the end. Satine hates me now. And I have only myself to blame.”
“Do you really believe what you did to save her life was wrong?”
“I don’t know anymore. I felt certain I had done the right thing at the time, but her response made me question myself.”
“In the moment, what were your feelings?”
“I don’t think I had any feelings in the critical moment. When Gorfod and his son went for Satine, it was as though the Force took over my actions. I was dispassionate.”
“If what you say is true, then you must know the Force would never lead you astray, Obi-Wan.”
Calm came over Kenobi’s posture as the idea settled in his mind.
“When you truly become a vessel for the Force, remarkable feats are possible. It sounds to me as though it was a moment of incredible growth for you as a Jedi.”
“Yes, it felt like that.”
“Then take comfort in that knowledge. Satine may not be able to understand your motives right now, but at least you know you did your duty. Everything you endured, every scar, was a step on your journey that put you in the perfect frame of mind at the most important moment during our mission.” He smiled gently. “It’s actually a beautiful way to interpret your experience.”
Kenobi nodded, accepting the idea, though he was not certain he was fully comfortable with it yet. Part of him felt that he deserved this pain, as though it were a punishment for breaking the Code. He had strayed dangerously far off course with Satine, but the Force had guided him back to safety. If Qui-Gon was right, in the throne room Obi-Wan had taken another step toward being a proper Jedi Knight. He would lean into this knowledge, lean into the Force’s guidance, and never stray from the Code again. He would learn from his mistakes.
“Remember,” Qui-Gon said, placing a hand on his apprentice’s shoulder, “if things feel difficult, it means you’re resisting the will of the Force. Relax into its energy and it will be your compass.”
“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan wiped his eyes, starting to recover. “Thank you for not telling Bant and Quinlan about…well, about anything that’s happened. I’d hate for them to think I’d cracked.”
“Your friends would never think of you as weak, Obi-Wan.”
“Thank you, Master.”
Qui-Gon helped his apprentice to his feet and walked with him back to their rooms. As he got back in bed he replayed the last year in his head, as he often did. He thought of everything his student had been through, and his last thoughts before drifting off to sleep was that a lesser Jedi would have turned to the dark side after enduring torture and heartbreak.
But not Obi-Wan Kenobi.
If their mission to Mandalore hadn’t corrupted Obi-Wan’s heart, then nothing could.
——————–
END NOTES
For anyone who isn’t familiar, Tahl was Qui-Gon’s love interest in the Jedi Apprentice novels. They are not canon.
NEXT CHAPTER: We go back to present day Obi-Wan and Satine. They finally have the conversation they’ve been avoiding for 15 years.
SUMMARY: This chapter is for all you people who wanted an Obitine “fix it” :)
Technically, chapter 27 is the last chapter of the story, but I wanted to write something for you as a thank you. I have readers that stuck with this fic for 4.5 years. Let me start by saying that I’m sorry it took me so long. If you’ve stayed interested in this fic all that time, you are my hero. This chapter is all fluff. After everything these characters have been through (and you as the reader has been through with them), it’s time for something happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I started crying today while making my final round of edits on this chapter. Some of you know that I had a rough time a few years ago. Literally weeks after starting this fic (a love story), my husband left me for another woman. I lost everything. Overnight I had no home, no friends, no job. So this fic will always be very important to me. It was a touchstone during my darkest period. It was there with me while I rebuilt myself. And that’s why this story means a great deal more to me than I ever thought possible. And it’s also why I decided to celebrate its completion by commissioning 2 pieces of art for the story. Below you will find the second book cover that my friend Journen created for me.
I don’t even know where to begin. This art is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of Star Wars art I’ve ever seen. It’s a freaking masterpiece!!! I was brought to tears the moment she show it to me. To see my story brought to life through artwork, to actually get to see what I imagined in my head, was a deeply moving experience for me. I am so grateful to my friend for creating this. I will treasure it for the rest of my life. (I will also forever be grateful to her for making the padawan hair a little less awful )
I feel like the execs at Lucasfilm need to see this!! I mean, just look at the amazing detail!!! This was all Jurnee. I gave her one piece of reference material and she took it and made something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Look at Satine’s hair! The plants surrounding them! The scratches and bruises on Obi-Wan’s face! The lighting!! My god, they’re in the most beautiful sunburst!!! I’m strait up dead!
Please don’t repost this art anywhere without asking me first. Reblogs are totally fine, however Thank you, friends!
——————–
CHAPTER 28
Coruscant
Obi-Wan and Satine spent hours talking. They moved off the balcony when she felt chilled and went into her bedchamber where things felt safer and more private. She had a cozy sitting area around a fireplace, surrounded by art and personal items she had collected on her travels. They lit a fire and settled on a nearby settee that they turned so they could still look out the panoramic windows while they talked. They recounted their days since Obi-Wan left Mandalore, crying when he told her in detail of Qui-Gon’s death, laughing at her farcical political escapades, each realizing how much they had matured in the past fifteen years.
After several more hours he went to make them a fresh cup of tea. When he returned, she had let her hair down and changed into a fine cotton chemise and a beautifully embroidered robe. He stopped in his tracks at the door.
“Forgive me,” she said with a smirk. “I had to change into something more comfortable. My scalp begins to ache after a full day of my hair being braided, and my corset was beginning to destroy my diaphragm.”
He shook his head and laughed.
“This is not a ploy, I promise you,” she said taking her mug of tea from his hand before sitting back on the settee, tucking her feet up under her. “Do you never take your armor off, Obi-Wan?” she teased.
He looked down at himself. “Not often,” he replied.
“Perhaps now should be one of those rare occasions,” she smiled over her steaming mug, her eyes playful. “You might as well make yourself comfortable.”
To her delight he handed her his mug then pulled his vambraces off one at a time and dropped them, with his commlink, to the floor. He reached up to disengage his pauldron and rerebrace on his left arm but he couldn’t reach the clasp.
“Allow me,” Satine said, setting the tea down on the end table before coming to his aid. Her slender fingers easily slid under the pauldron and released the buckle that wrapped around his shoulder before doing the same for his rerebrace. She held it in her hand a moment, seeing the scratched and battered armor up close. The idea that these marks would have been on Obi-Wan’s flesh if not for this plastoid-alloy composite sent a chill up her spine. She set the piece on the floor and helped Kenobi out of his other pauldron and rerebrace before proceeding to help him with his chest plate. Then he bent down and snapped off his greaves and boots, kicking them aside.
“What a soldier you’ve become,” she said, looking at him.
He began to pull off his gloves, something he rarely did. “Am I very different than you remember?” he asked, his tone serious.
She placed a thoughtful finger to her lips. “In some ways you are still that brave, hotheaded boy I fell in love with on Draboon.”
After tossing his gloves aside he took her hand in his and kissed her palm. “And in other ways?” he asked, his voice low and warm as his arm slid around her waist.
She took his face in her hands and examined him. The scar on his eyebrow and cheek were almost completely hidden now. His gaze was more piercing, a result of total confidence and self-trust; he had seen many hardships and as a result he was not easily shaken. Even so, his eyes were still kind, despite the horrors he’d seen. “You are a man now,” she said gently. “Confident,” she said turning his head to the side as though examining him further. “Noble,” she said turning him the other way. “Dashingly handsome, even with the beard,” she caressed it. “You are still the selfless hero, the gentle, stubborn boy who is both formidable and refined. But now you are centered, calmer, more at peace. A true Jedi Master.”
He leaned in and nuzzled her, pressing his cheek against hers. “That may be so. But, tonight, I am no Jedi. Tonight, I belong only to you.”
“My champion,” she smiled, caressing his brow.
“Always.” He kissed her, his ungloved hand pressed against the small of her back while the other cupped her face. His skin against her own sent a shiver through her body. Neither of them had experienced a loving touch in such a long time that it took an extra moment for them to steady their nerve. They were neither fevered nor frantic. In truth, they were sweet, caring, and slow, savoring every sensation. They were not young and naïve any longer. Their maturity had grown in every way, including in love. Obi-Wan kissed her for a long time, holding her in his strong arms, making her feel safe and calm. Satine showed him tenderness that existed nowhere else in his life; she brushed the back of her fingers across his cheek, let her fingertips caress his neck, kissed him gently, delighting in the feel of his lips against hers.
Obi-Wan loved how her body felt under the loose-fitting chemise as he held her against him, the gauzy fabric moving with her curves. Holding her was familiar and comforting, but now, unlike in his youth, he enjoyed it in a different way. They had chosen one another; they were not thrust together by fate, they did not fear discovery, he did not feel trapped by the Code. There was safety and power in the understanding that despite all external pressure and duty, they had chosen to be together. He let his hands roam over her body as he slowly kissed his way down her throat. She sighed and curled into his touch.
Suddenly, his commlink chirped to life at his feet, beeping and flashing at regular intervals. He froze, staring down at it.
“Does someone want you?” Satine asked, playing with his forelock.
“It’s a summons from the Council.” He could tell by the flashing pattern. Obi-Wan took a deep breath, trying to decide what he should do.
Satine pushed her fingers through his thick hair, kissing his cheek as she did. “Answer it if you must,” she said, her lips still pressed against his skin.
He turned his lips to hers and kissed her passionately, lifting her up into his arms. “I promised you my undivided attention,” he said, walking towards the bed. “And I’m a man of my word, Duchess.”
——————–
When Satine woke, the pastel morning light filtered through the window, giving the room a soft, ethereal feel. She turned in the silky sheets but found she was alone in bed. She could hear the shower running in her adjoining spa suite. Satine couldn’t hold back a smile as she arched and stretched. She was waking up in a new world, one where she and Obi-Wan would finally be reunited. Her heart swelled with joy.
She reached over to the pillow where Obi-Wan had been sleeping; she knew he actually slept because he had fallen asleep before her, his hair completely tousled, his chest bare, and his body totally relaxed for the first time in a long time. She had watched him sleep, memorizing every curve of his face, loving the way his eyelashes fluttered while he puffed away, deep in dreamless sleep.
The spa suite opened and Obi-Wan padded into the bedroom, one towel wrapped around his waist while he dried his hair with another. Water ran down his neck and chest as he headed for his clothes.
“Good morning,” she said.
He pulled the towel off his head and rested it across his shoulders, smiling at her. “Good morning.”
“Back to the real world?”
“I have a Council meeting,” he said, pulling his clothes apart, looking for his base layer. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I was already awake,” she said pushing back the sheets. She crossed to him, pulling him around to face her as she ran her hands up his chest, giving him a sweet kiss. “I’ll make you a cup of tea and some breakfast before you go.”
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he watched her walk out of the room. Waking next to her had been the most wonderful serenity he had ever known. And now, as he went back to his work, he would do so with the knowledge that their hearts were forever connected. As he dressed, he couldn’t help but think of their journey’s enormity. They had only ever spent the equivalent of a year and a few months together, but in that short amount of time they had encountered more than some couples faced in a lifetime. He only had his tunic and tabard left to put on, and as he stood before the mirror, making sure everything was positioned correctly, he thought of his Master. I hope you would be happy for me, Qui-Gon, he thought. Here he was, a Jedi Master, which ultimately meant nothing, but was at the very least a symbol of his ability with the Force, and now he finally had made peace with the woman he loved. All their walls had come down last night, and today was a fresh start for them. Whatever came their way, now they would face it together. They had decided to keep their relationship a secret, but not out of shame. Although, should the galaxy discover their love, each was now strong enough to weather the storm.
Satine returned with tea, toast, and eggs, which they ate on the bedroom balcony, effortlessly adopting their domestic patterns as though they had never been apart.
Finally, the time came where Obi-Wan must depart. Satine helped him on with his armor, carefully securing each piece as he held it in place. She watched him pull on his gloves, his deft fingers maneuvering his vambraces and gauntlets perfectly into position. Then he turned to her.
Satine looked him up and down. “My Jedi,” she approved.
He cupped her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks. “Take care of yourself, my love,” he said.
“I shall miss you, but I look forward to the day where we are together again.”
“As will I.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
She clutched her hands into his cloak and held him tightly, their foreheads touching. “Try to let me know that you are safe whenever you can,” she whispered.
“I will,” he promised. “You have my private coms number. Use it whenever you wish.”
She nodded. “Be careful, Obi.”
“I’ll see you soon, dearest.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
They walked to the door together and she kissed him one last time. “I love you.”
He hooked his finger under her chin and gave her a soft touch. “And I you.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi went through the door and headed back to the Jedi, while Satine Kryze returned to her duties as the Duchess of Mandalore.
——————–
END NOTES
That’s it, my friends ❤️ Until next time, may the Force be with you.
Reblogging this because the art makes me happy. Also, I’m worried I didn’t tag the artist @journen ♀️ I think I linked to her Instagram instead of her tumblr in the original post.
SUMMARY: This chapter is for all you people who wanted an Obitine “fix it” :)
Technically, chapter 27 is the last chapter of the story, but I wanted to write something for you as a thank you. I have readers that stuck with this fic for 4.5 years. Let me start by saying that I’m sorry it took me so long. If you’ve stayed interested in this fic all that time, you are my hero. This chapter is all fluff. After everything these characters have been through (and you as the reader has been through with them), it’s time for something happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I started crying today while making my final round of edits on this chapter. Some of you know that I had a rough time a few years ago. Literally weeks after starting this fic (a love story), my husband left me for another woman. I lost everything. Overnight I had no home, no friends, no job. So this fic will always be very important to me. It was a touchstone during my darkest period. It was there with me while I rebuilt myself. And that’s why this story means a great deal more to me than I ever thought possible. And it’s also why I decided to celebrate its completion by commissioning 2 pieces of art for the story. Below you will find the second book cover that my friend Journen created for me.
I don’t even know where to begin. This art is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of Star Wars art I’ve ever seen. It’s a freaking masterpiece!!! I was brought to tears the moment she show it to me. To see my story brought to life through artwork, to actually get to see what I imagined in my head, was a deeply moving experience for me. I am so grateful to my friend for creating this. I will treasure it for the rest of my life. (I will also forever be grateful to her for making the padawan hair a little less awful )
I feel like the execs at Lucasfilm need to see this!! I mean, just look at the amazing detail!!! This was all Jurnee. I gave her one piece of reference material and she took it and made something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Look at Satine’s hair! The plants surrounding them! The scratches and bruises on Obi-Wan’s face! The lighting!! My god, they’re in the most beautiful sunburst!!! I’m strait up dead!
Please don’t repost this art anywhere without asking me first. Reblogs are totally fine, however Thank you, friends!
——————–
CHAPTER 28
Coruscant
Obi-Wan and Satine spent hours talking. They moved off the balcony when she felt chilled and went into her bedchamber where things felt safer and more private. She had a cozy sitting area around a fireplace, surrounded by art and personal items she had collected on her travels. They lit a fire and settled on a nearby settee that they turned so they could still look out the panoramic windows while they talked. They recounted their days since Obi-Wan left Mandalore, crying when he told her in detail of Qui-Gon’s death, laughing at her farcical political escapades, each realizing how much they had matured in the past fifteen years.
After several more hours he went to make them a fresh cup of tea. When he returned, she had let her hair down and changed into a fine cotton chemise and a beautifully embroidered robe. He stopped in his tracks at the door.
“Forgive me,” she said with a smirk. “I had to change into something more comfortable. My scalp begins to ache after a full day of my hair being braided, and my corset was beginning to destroy my diaphragm.”
He shook his head and laughed.
“This is not a ploy, I promise you,” she said taking her mug of tea from his hand before sitting back on the settee, tucking her feet up under her. “Do you never take your armor off, Obi-Wan?” she teased.
He looked down at himself. “Not often,” he replied.
“Perhaps now should be one of those rare occasions,” she smiled over her steaming mug, her eyes playful. “You might as well make yourself comfortable.”
To her delight he handed her his mug then pulled his vambraces off one at a time and dropped them, with his commlink, to the floor. He reached up to disengage his pauldron and rerebrace on his left arm but he couldn’t reach the clasp.
“Allow me,” Satine said, setting the tea down on the end table before coming to his aid. Her slender fingers easily slid under the pauldron and released the buckle that wrapped around his shoulder before doing the same for his rerebrace. She held it in her hand a moment, seeing the scratched and battered armor up close. The idea that these marks would have been on Obi-Wan’s flesh if not for this plastoid-alloy composite sent a chill up her spine. She set the piece on the floor and helped Kenobi out of his other pauldron and rerebrace before proceeding to help him with his chest plate. Then he bent down and snapped off his greaves and boots, kicking them aside.
“What a soldier you’ve become,” she said, looking at him.
He began to pull off his gloves, something he rarely did. “Am I very different than you remember?” he asked, his tone serious.
She placed a thoughtful finger to her lips. “In some ways you are still that brave, hotheaded boy I fell in love with on Draboon.”
After tossing his gloves aside he took her hand in his and kissed her palm. “And in other ways?” he asked, his voice low and warm as his arm slid around her waist.
She took his face in her hands and examined him. The scar on his eyebrow and cheek were almost completely hidden now. His gaze was more piercing, a result of total confidence and self-trust; he had seen many hardships and as a result he was not easily shaken. Even so, his eyes were still kind, despite the horrors he’d seen. “You are a man now,” she said gently. “Confident,” she said turning his head to the side as though examining him further. “Noble,” she said turning him the other way. “Dashingly handsome, even with the beard,” she caressed it. “You are still the selfless hero, the gentle, stubborn boy who is both formidable and refined. But now you are centered, calmer, more at peace. A true Jedi Master.”
He leaned in and nuzzled her, pressing his cheek against hers. “That may be so. But, tonight, I am no Jedi. Tonight, I belong only to you.”
“My champion,” she smiled, caressing his brow.
“Always.” He kissed her, his ungloved hand pressed against the small of her back while the other cupped her face. His skin against her own sent a shiver through her body. Neither of them had experienced a loving touch in such a long time that it took an extra moment for them to steady their nerve. They were neither fevered nor frantic. In truth, they were sweet, caring, and slow, savoring every sensation. They were not young and naïve any longer. Their maturity had grown in every way, including in love. Obi-Wan kissed her for a long time, holding her in his strong arms, making her feel safe and calm. Satine showed him tenderness that existed nowhere else in his life; she brushed the back of her fingers across his cheek, let her fingertips caress his neck, kissed him gently, delighting in the feel of his lips against hers.
Obi-Wan loved how her body felt under the loose-fitting chemise as he held her against him, the gauzy fabric moving with her curves. Holding her was familiar and comforting, but now, unlike in his youth, he enjoyed it in a different way. They had chosen one another; they were not thrust together by fate, they did not fear discovery, he did not feel trapped by the Code. There was safety and power in the understanding that despite all external pressure and duty, they had chosen to be together. He let his hands roam over her body as he slowly kissed his way down her throat. She sighed and curled into his touch.
Suddenly, his commlink chirped to life at his feet, beeping and flashing at regular intervals. He froze, staring down at it.
“Does someone want you?” Satine asked, playing with his forelock.
“It’s a summons from the Council.” He could tell by the flashing pattern. Obi-Wan took a deep breath, trying to decide what he should do.
Satine pushed her fingers through his thick hair, kissing his cheek as she did. “Answer it if you must,” she said, her lips still pressed against his skin.
He turned his lips to hers and kissed her passionately, lifting her up into his arms. “I promised you my undivided attention,” he said, walking towards the bed. “And I’m a man of my word, Duchess.”
——————–
When Satine woke, the pastel morning light filtered through the window, giving the room a soft, ethereal feel. She turned in the silky sheets but found she was alone in bed. She could hear the shower running in her adjoining spa suite. Satine couldn’t hold back a smile as she arched and stretched. She was waking up in a new world, one where she and Obi-Wan would finally be reunited. Her heart swelled with joy.
She reached over to the pillow where Obi-Wan had been sleeping; she knew he actually slept because he had fallen asleep before her, his hair completely tousled, his chest bare, and his body totally relaxed for the first time in a long time. She had watched him sleep, memorizing every curve of his face, loving the way his eyelashes fluttered while he puffed away, deep in dreamless sleep.
The spa suite opened and Obi-Wan padded into the bedroom, one towel wrapped around his waist while he dried his hair with another. Water ran down his neck and chest as he headed for his clothes.
“Good morning,” she said.
He pulled the towel off his head and rested it across his shoulders, smiling at her. “Good morning.”
“Back to the real world?”
“I have a Council meeting,” he said, pulling his clothes apart, looking for his base layer. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I was already awake,” she said pushing back the sheets. She crossed to him, pulling him around to face her as she ran her hands up his chest, giving him a sweet kiss. “I’ll make you a cup of tea and some breakfast before you go.”
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he watched her walk out of the room. Waking next to her had been the most wonderful serenity he had ever known. And now, as he went back to his work, he would do so with the knowledge that their hearts were forever connected. As he dressed, he couldn’t help but think of their journey’s enormity. They had only ever spent the equivalent of a year and a few months together, but in that short amount of time they had encountered more than some couples faced in a lifetime. He only had his tunic and tabard left to put on, and as he stood before the mirror, making sure everything was positioned correctly, he thought of his Master. I hope you would be happy for me, Qui-Gon, he thought. Here he was, a Jedi Master, which ultimately meant nothing, but was at the very least a symbol of his ability with the Force, and now he finally had made peace with the woman he loved. All their walls had come down last night, and today was a fresh start for them. Whatever came their way, now they would face it together. They had decided to keep their relationship a secret, but not out of shame. Although, should the galaxy discover their love, each was now strong enough to weather the storm.
Satine returned with tea, toast, and eggs, which they ate on the bedroom balcony, effortlessly adopting their domestic patterns as though they had never been apart.
Finally, the time came where Obi-Wan must depart. Satine helped him on with his armor, carefully securing each piece as he held it in place. She watched him pull on his gloves, his deft fingers maneuvering his vambraces and gauntlets perfectly into position. Then he turned to her.
Satine looked him up and down. “My Jedi,” she approved.
He cupped her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks. “Take care of yourself, my love,” he said.
“I shall miss you, but I look forward to the day where we are together again.”
“As will I.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
She clutched her hands into his cloak and held him tightly, their foreheads touching. “Try to let me know that you are safe whenever you can,” she whispered.
“I will,” he promised. “You have my private coms number. Use it whenever you wish.”
She nodded. “Be careful, Obi.”
“I’ll see you soon, dearest.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
They walked to the door together and she kissed him one last time. “I love you.”
He hooked his finger under her chin and gave her a soft touch. “And I you.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi went through the door and headed back to the Jedi, while Satine Kryze returned to her duties as the Duchess of Mandalore.
——————–
END NOTES
That’s it, my friends ❤️ Until next time, may the Force be with you.
