#emotional stunned jace
Track six: I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you
Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)
Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others
Chapter summary: It’s time for Jace to finally make his move on Simon, planning to grovel for his forgiveness before asking the vampire out on a date that was long overdue. It should be easy enough but Simon seems determined to keep out of Jace’s way and when a seelie starts to take an interest in the daylighter Jace’s jealousy gets the better of him.
Jace felt sick.
Nervously he fiddled with his clothes, tugging his tie down to open the top two buttons of his shirt. He hated wearing suits, they were stuffy and restrictive and left Jace feeling like he was being suffocated. Having it on didn’t help his nerves any, Jace desperately wishing he could strip it all off and slip back into his jeans and black henley, his leather jacket pulled on like a piece of armor over top. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like he was about to walk unarmed into a horde of shax daemons. At least he had been able to convince Magnus to let him wear all black instead of the cobalt blue monstrosity he had tried to force him into.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before.” Jace’s eyes flickered up, glaring at Alec through the mirror he had been stood in front for the last half hour fussing over his appearance. He was leant in Jace’s open doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles, managing to look both relaxed and stern all at once. Magnus had managed to get him into a slightly flashier suit than he was used to, the thing mostly black with gold roses on the right forearm and left wrist as well as the left best. He had left the jacket open, his crisp white shirt on display and a black and gold bowtie to match. He looked good, well put together and Jace had little to no doubt that was all Magnus’s doing.
Huffing Jace darted his eyes back to his reflection, watching his hands as he began to fiddle with his cuffs, tugging them down slightly. He had a right to be nervous. He was either going to walk away from tonight in a relationship or with a broken heart and even more reasons why he shouldn’t open up to anyone. He didn’t think Simon was the kind of guy to laugh at someone in this kind of situation but the thought had crossed Jace’s mind in the last three days and he was half way convinced that was how Simon would react. That or he would just take one look at Jace and walk away without him even having gotten the chance to open his mouth.
“You look fine.” Alec’s reassurance cut through Jace’s nerves and he sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to stop himself from falling into a full blown panic. “I always look fine,” Jace smirked at Alec through the mirror, winking at his parabatai for good measure. Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes as he pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards him. “Debatable but whatever helps you sleep at night.” He stepped up behind Jace, a large hand curling around his elbow and gently he turned Jace round to face him. He went willingly, his nervous hands falling to his side and he looked up at the other man with an uneasy smile. He felt a little calmer with Alec there, like he wasn’t going into this fight alone and unprepared. His parabatai would have his back, he always did.
“You’re going to be fine Jace,” Alec said as he smoothed the lapels of Jace’s jacket down, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands. Jace let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Alec, what if he…” he didn’t get a chance to finish, Alec cutting him off with a sharp “no.” Scowling Alec stepped back, deft fingers going back to Jace’s collar and refastening the buttons, all the while looking down at Jace with a mix of disapproval and annoyance. “None of this what if rubbish. You can’t be thinking about that right now or you will talk yourself out of this before we even make it downstairs.” He tightened Jace’s tie, pushing it back up against his collar and fiddling to make sure it was in the center.
Jace scowled, already starting to feel uncomfortable but Alec just raised an eyebrow at him, as if he was daring Jace to try and undo it again. Huffing Jace dropped his gaze, looking off to the side and definitely not pouting. Simon always insisted Jace did it when he sulked after not getting his way and Jace was adamant that he didn’t, no matter what anyone else said. The thought of the other man had Jace’s chest tightening and stomach rolling. He didn’t know it was possible to feel sick and fond all at once but apparently he had been wrong. He had been wrong a lot lately so why not carry that on into tonight? He could only hope that he didn’t turn out to be wrong about taking this risk with Simon.
Sighing Jace lifted his hand, planning on running it through his hair but before he could even get it half way up Alec’s hand was darting out, slapping Jace’s hand away before he could ruin his hair that he had spent far too long styling, making sure it was perfect. “I get it,” Alec reassured, stepping back slightly and folding his arms behind his back and completely ignoring Jace’s scowl. “It’s hard to admit your feelings to someone, especially when you don’t know how they feel in return but if you don’t take the risk you’ll always be wondering what if.” Jace fought the urge to groan and roll his eyes. Ever since the dinner he had had with Alec and Magnus the other night his parabatai had been sprouting stuff like this and it was slowly starting to get to Jace. It didn’t help that he was right. Every single bit of romantic nonsense he came out with was right and Jace hated it.
He had thought that after everything with Clary it would have been easier to tell Simon that he had feelings for him but it was proving to be anything but. At least Simon knew how rubbish he was at these sorts of things so it wouldn’t be a surprise to the brunette when he undoubtedly fucked up somewhere along the line. “Plus if Simon actually hurts you I finally get a valid reason to kick his scrawny ass,” Alec shrugged as he looked off to the side, his eyes lazily moving around the room but Jace could see the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Jace huffed in amusement, shaking his head slightly and smiling back. Even if Simon did turn Jace down tonight he wouldn’t let Alec beat him up for it. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same way and he would hate for the tentative friendship Simon and Alec had built up to fall apart just because the vampire said no.
Uncrossing his arms Alec clasped one of Jace’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Now come on, people started arriving half an hour ago, including your vampire and Izzy can only keep him distracted for so long.” Alec inclined his head towards the door, looking at Jace expectantly. He pulled in a deep breath as he readied himself for what was to come. Simon was down there somewhere and it was Jace’s mission to find him and try and at least fix what had gone wrong between the two of them. That should be easy enough, right? All he had to do was put aside his petty jealousies and insecurities and open up about his feelings to a guy he was almost one hundred percent sure didn’t return his affections. Yeah he could do that, in theory at least, the reality might be a little different.
Rolling his shoulders Jace stood up straighter, head held high and smirk in place. Maybe if he looked confident he might feel it. “Lead the way oh fearless leader,” Jace gestured towards the door, grinning widely. Alec huffed in amusement, rolling his eyes but he still turned, striding across the room. Jace waited for Alec to get half way across the room before he started to follow him, pulling his door closed behind him with a soft click. He tried not to think about Simon or how the night could go as they made their way downstairs, instead focusing on keeping his breathing even and his heart rate steady but it’s a hard task to accomplish when he almost feels like he’s heading to the gallows, Simon waiting for him as either the executioner with his sharpened axe or his savior with a letter of pardon.
The gentle murmur of chatter gets louder as they made their way to the room Magnus and Izzy had designated for tonight’s activities, the soft mix of piano and violins giving the idle chatter almost a musical quality that any other time Jace might have appreciated but as they stepped into the already crowded hall Jace had one thing on his mind and his eyes instantly swept through the crowed of people. It didn’t take long for him to find who he was after, his breath catching as he finally laid eyes on Simon for the first time in weeks.
He looked good but Jace had known how enticing the vampire looked in a suit since Alec’s not wedding to Lydia. Unlike the dark suit he had worn that night though this one was a deep crimson, the cut of it tailored perfectly to show off Simon’s trim waist and broad shoulders. He had a matching red tie on over a crisp black shirt and his black shoes were polished to the point the light glinted off of them. His normally unruly hair was slicked back, his dark eyes rimed in black eyeliner to rival that of Magnus’s and his lips a soft glossy pink. He looked handsome and dangerous, a smirk pulling at his lips as he leaned in slightly to talk to Izzy, a pale hand gently curling around her waist and drawing her in.
Jace once again felt that flash of jealousy, wishing it was him in Izzy’s place with the vampires hand curled around his waist and whispering in Jace’s ear. He wanted to his lips pressing against his neck, Simon’s laughter rumbling against his delicate skin as Jace slid his hands under his suit jacket to feel the muscles he knew when hidden under his clothes. Jace wanted to beg and plead, sink to his knees with Simon’s hand in his hair and those to dark eyes looking only at him. He wants Simon lounging on his bed, legs spread and still in that suit, looking at him with hunger in his eyes and like Jace was the only one who could ever satisfy him.
He couldn’t do this.
“Nope, can’t do it,” he stated, promptly spinning on his heels and making to leave the room. He didn’t get more then two steps before strong hands were gripping his shoulders, pulling him backwards and spinning him back round. “Yes you can,” Alec said flatly, keeping his hands on Jace’s shoulders as he moved to stand slightly behind him, as if he could stop Jace from trying to escape again. Jace would like to see him try. “No I can’t,” he gritted out even as his eyes automatically went back to Simon. He was laughing, his smile so wide it looked almost painful. Jace had missed that, and his laugh and the stupid references that he didn’t always get. Jace had missed Simon and watching him now just made it more painfully obvious how empty his life had been these last few weeks without the other man there.
“And why not?” Alec asked tersely, his grip tightening slightly as Jace turned to face him. “Look at him Alec.” Jace hissed, gesturing blindly behind him towards where Simon had been just moments ago and not at all being subtle about it. “How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with him when all I want to do is rip his clothes off?” Alec pulled a face at Jace’s admission, his nose scrunching up in distaste. Slowly his eyes lifted past Jace, looking over to Simon and the distaste gave way to something closer to curiosity than anything else. “Now that you mention it he does look better in a suit than his normal clothes,” he mumbled, head tipping to the side, his eyes slowly moving down. Jace bristled at the action, he knew that look, had seen it directed one to many times his way and then Magnus’s. “Sort of reminds me of Magnus with all that makeup on,” he mumbled, almost to himself more than Jace.
Jace stepped into Alec’s space, pointing a finger at him. “Touch him and I will end you,” he threatened, not liking the considering look his parabatai was giving Simon. Alec arched an eyebrow at him, an amused smirk pulling one side of his mouth up. Jace was glad he was finding this all so funny because he wasn’t. “And why shouldn’t I touch him?” he asked, his smirk slipping back into his normal serious façade. He wasn’t joking about this. Alec was seriously asking Jace to give him a reason not to do anything with Simon. He had an answer to that on the tip of his tongue, an admission that he didn’t want anyone else anywhere near Simon because he was possessive and territorial but before he could voice his feelings Alec was speaking again, he gaze trapping Jace in place as he tried to goad him into reacting. “Clearly you don’t want him if you are already walking away so why shouldn’t Magnus and I get some enjoyment out of him?”
The thing is Jace knows Alec doesn’t mean it. He’s way to in love with Magnus to ever really consider sleeping with someone else, even if Magnus was involved. He knows that as fact but now that Alec had said it Jace can’t get the thought out of his head. If Alec asked would Simon say yes? He had slept with Izzy when they had been dating and considering Simon didn’t care about gender it wasn’t that far a stretch to think he would find Alec attractive as well. The thought had Jace’s stomach churning, the familiar feeling of anger and jealousy rising once more. Underneath that though was a hollow sense of resignation. As much as Jace would hate it, would get angry and sad at the thought of Alec anywhere near Simon he wouldn’t be able to blame either of them for it.
Simon deserved so much better than Jace. He was an emotionally stunted asshole with daddy issues and a martyr complex. He was a mess who couldn’t deal with situations when they were outside of his control and had zero chill when it came to handling his emotions, especially when he was angry or upset. The whole mess he was in with Simon was proof enough of that. Simon deserved better than how Jace had been treating him and someone like Alec could give him that. He didn’t even necessarily mean Alec, just someone else who was stable, levelheaded and had a clear grasp on their emotional state and how to interact with people outside a work environment and heavy flirting. Simon deserved someone who would look at him the way Alec looked at Magnus, someone who would move heaven and earth to make him happy and accept him as he was. Not a jealous asshole like Jace who lashed out when confronted with truths that he didn’t want to acknowledge and had the act of pushing people away down to an art form.
This was a mistake.
Sighing Alec let go of Jace, snagging two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter and handing one off to Jace. “Stop it,” he snapped, scowling at Jace like he knew exactly where his thoughts had been going. “The point I was trying to make is that you can’t get all upset and pouty about Simon being with other people if you can’t even pull your head out off your ass and make a move yourself.” Jace just grunted, bringing his glass up to his lips and downing half the fizzy drink in one go. Simon wasn’t his boyfriend and maybe that was a good thing. Jace was bound to fuck it up at some point, either by saying or doing the wrong thing. He would over react, make arguments worse and because he had always known how to get under Simon’s skin he would be as much of an asshole back and Jace didn’t want to make Simon like him. Maybe he should just leave it be and let Simon get on with his life and then in a couple of months when they saw each other again they might be able to be at least cordial with one another.
“Whatever you’re doing to convince yourself not to do this just stop.” Alec looked down at him sternly, Jace refusing to look back and keeping his head turned, gaze firmly fixed at some point on the floor between them and the door. He felt like a mess, like he was lost and had no idea how to find his way back again as he chased the sound of Simon calling his name. He had been so sure this morning that talking to Simon was the right thing to do, that getting an answer one way or another would finally allow him to get on with his life but now, as he got closer to finding out Simon’s answer he was starting to think he was only going to make things worse. Not that he thought the current status of his relationship with Simon could get any worse, unless the vampire tried to kill him and honestly Jace might just let him at this point.
“Do you really think we would all be pushing you to do this is we didn’t think it would be worth it? If we didn’t think you and Simon would be good for one another?” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s words, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the other man. Alec turned his head to the side, taking a sip of his drink and letting his eyes wonder to any where but Jace. “You know something,” he accused, crossing his arms over his chest and standing straighter, levelling Alec with his best ‘I take no shit’ look.
Alec sighed, looking like he regretted even opening his mouth. “You know he’s been talking to Izzy still right?” Alec’s eyes darted back to Jace, watching him carefully as if he thought Jace would start sulking about the fact. Jace lifted his head slightly higher, giving one sharp nod as answer. Izzy hadn’t kept it a secret that she had still been talking to Simon and Jace had pathetically taken every scrap of information he could get from her, desperately needing to know what the other mans had been up to without him. It had hurt at first, knowing that Simon was still in contact with the others whilst cutting him off completely but Jace was kind of glad about it now. At least Simon hadn’t shut out everyone else just because Jace had been an insensitive prick. He never would have forgiven himself if he had driven Simon away to the point he cut everyone else out of his life just to avoid him.
Alec turned back towards him, looking at Jace like he was weighing up his options and the whole time Jace felt himself tensing, getting ready for Alec to say something that could either ruin or make his night. “Every time they have spoken he’s asked about you.” The breath rushed out of him, Jace’s eyes instantly snapping to the side to find Simon once more. He was still stood with Izzy, his hand resting casually on the small of her back as she spoke to a rather stern looking man, his runes just poking out above the collar of his suit. They looked good together, what with Izzy in a black lace evening dress, her red lipstick almost matching the shade of Simon’s suit perfectly. Normally that would have had him scowling, that almost constant niggling feeling of jealousy making its self known but at Alec’s words a surge of hope had slammed into him like a punch to the gut. Simon wouldn’t be asking after him if Jace had screwed up so completely he didn’t want anything to do with him.
He felt Alec move beside him, turning to stand behind him again. He bent down slightly so he could speak into Jace’s ear, clasping his shoulder again. “If he didn’t care about you, even just as a friend then why would he do that?” Jace watched as Simon leant in slightly, whispering something in Izzy’s ear that made her laugh, pulling away with another wide grin that only got wider as the other man frowned. Simon cared. In one way or another Simon still cared about him and it gave him a new sense of hope that he could at least salvaged something of what they had before, even if it was just friendship. It would hurt for a while and Jace would need some time to lick his wounds but if that was all Simon would be able to offer him then Jace would grab it with both hands. Having Simon in his life as just a friend was better than not having him at all.
“Now, I need to go save Magnus before he gets sucked in to a conversation with Schneider about pack dynamics and you need to go find your vampire and start groveling for his forgiveness. I would suggest leading with a compliment, tell him he’s pretty or something. They like that.” Alec patted him on the shoulder and before Jace could even open his mouth to ask how often he had to do this with Magnus to be that confident this would work Alec was gone, weaving through the crowed to a rather uncomfortable took Magnus and some man who looked like he had been considered old a century ago, three ugly looking scars running done the left side of his face. Sighing Jace turned back to look at Simon just in time to see him snag a glass of what looked like red wine off a passing waiter but by the way the liquid clung to the glass as he took a sip Jace knew it was blood, his tongue darting out to lick the excess from his lips, Jace’s eyes zeroing in on the action but soon enough it was over and Simon’s attention was back on the shadowhunter in front of him.
Huffing Jace knocked back the last of his champagne. If he was going to do this then he would need something a little stronger to help ease his nerves and calm his racing heart. With one last look at Simon Jace turned and headed to the bar, flagging down the bartender quickly and ordering a double whiskey on the rocks. Once he had his drink Jace turned, leaning back against the bar as his eyes easily found Simon again. It was simple, Jace just had to wait for Simon to be left on his own then he would swoop in and ask for a moment alone, whisking Simon off to some secluded room, most likely the library and tell Simon how good he looked in that ridiculous suit before he apologized for being an ass and asked if he wanted to go out some time. Easy.
It was not easy. Not easy at all.
As time ticked by Jace continued to watch as Simon flitted from one person to the next, seemingly charming every person he spoke to and never being left on his own for longer than a couple of seconds before someone else was clamoring for his attention. It was annoying as all hell and every time Jace thought he had an opening, a chance to finally get to Simon and just talk to him the vampire would flit off to someone else and in a blink of an eye Jace’s opening was gone. So as the seconds bled in to minutes then hours and he seemed to get further and further away from accomplishing his goal Jace’s scowl became deeper and his mind hazy as he knocked back one drink after another.
Simon hadn’t even looked up at him, hadn’t so much as acknowledged Jace’s existence and that was just making him more agitated, his hold tightening on his glass as he knocked back the last of his current drink. He had lost count at number seven, or was it eight? Whatever one it was had been a while ago and now Jace was starting to feel the effects. His eyes felt a little heavy, his vision a little fuzzy around the edges and he was having trouble focusing properly. At some point he had loosened his tie, popping the top two buttons open as he got hotter. He was starting to get uncomfortable and agitated and that didn’t bode well for the rest of his night.
Across the room Simon smiled, his attention focused only on the person before him. It was a seelie now, a tall elegant looking redhead, that’s skin seemed to shimmer green in the light. She looked far too much like the previous seelie queen for his liking, dressed in lace with her cleavage on display and a flower crown sat atop her head. Jace didn’t like her, didn’t trust her around Simon who was just too gullible for his own good. The idiot saw the good in almost everyone and one day it was going to get him in trouble that Jace wouldn’t be around to get him out of. She laughed at whatever Simon had said, fluttering her long lashes at him and angling herself closer to him. Snarling Jace turned back round to lean on the bar, ordering another drink and downing half of it the instant he was given it.
“Maybe you should slow down before you pass out.” Jace turned his glare towards Luke, wobbling slightly as he did so. He was in a suit as well, just a simple black tux with a white shirt on underneath. Simon would call it a classic look, Jace called it effort. Luke glanced sideways at him, eyeing Jace with concern as he lifted his hand and signaling the bartender. “Can’t,” Jace grunted, taking another gulp of the amber liquid sloshing around in his glass. It had lost its burn about an hour ago, the drink going down far too easy. Luke raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, or at least Jace thought he did. It was getting a little harder to focus on the things right in front of him. “And why’s that?” Jace couldn’t help but look over his shoulder at Simon, the vampire definitely a lot closer to the seelie now then he had been. “I’ve gotta tell Simon he’s pretty and then grovel so he’ll agree to date me,” Jace blurted mindlessly, his words slurring slightly but he was to preoccupied with letting his eyes roam over Simon and the seelie to even notice.
Jace wanted to go over there and yank him away from the other women. Wanted to demand Simon’s attention like he had been craving for weeks now but Alec had said to wait for him to be alone so he would but Simon hadn’t been alone all evening and Jace was rapidly running out of patience, especially when he could just about recognize his own flirting techniques being directed towards the undeserving seelie. “Oh.” He was angry at Simon. Angry and hot, to hot. Simon was always so cold and Jace bet it would feel so good to press his cheek between his shoulder blades, to wrap his arms around him and press every inch of his front against Simon’s back. Would be even better if they were naked.
“Maybe you should slow down with the drinking if you want him to take you seriously.” Jace’s head jerked back round at Luke’s words, the action causing his stomach to churn and his head spin. Groaning he brought a hand up and pressed it against his temple as he tried to will the room to stop spinning and shoved down the urge to empty the contents of his stomach. When his vision cleared Jace found Luke looking down at him with concern, has hand lightly curled around Jace’s shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady. “I am serious,” he managed to get out without slurring, shrugging the other mans hand off of him and doing his best to glare at Luke even as he swayed slightly, gripping tightly at the bar to keep himself up. Luke held his hands up and leant back slightly as if to show Jace he meant no harm and something about that struck him as wrong. “Sorry, I’m a little tense,” Jace mumbled, shoulders slumping and head hanging down between his arms. What was wrong with him? He was trying to prove to Simon that he wasn’t an asshole, not make him think Jace was even more of one.
“It’s okay, I get it. Admitting your feelings can be stressful, especially if you’re putting a friendship on the line.” Jace scoffed at that, taking another large gulp of his rapidly disappearing drink. He had already screwed up their friendship so what else did he have to lose by admitting to Simon that he thought they should date? Honestly it wouldn’t have been that different to what they had been before just hopefully they would actually get to have sex instead of Jace pathetically fantasizing about it and feeling guilty about it afterwards. “What I was trying to say is that you know what Simon’s moms like. You stumbling over to him drunk and smelling like a dive bar isn’t going to make him believe whatever it is you’re planning on saying to him.” Luke looked pointedly down at him and Jace froze, his posture going stiff as the older mans words sank in.
Oh.
Oh no.
Simon hated it when Jace drank too much. He always got this sad, disappointed look on his face that left Jace feeling both annoyed and guilty. Simon would take one look at Jace and know that he was well past his usual limit, a limit that he had put in place to avoid disappointing Simon. He had told Jace all about his mom’s addiction, about the stints in rehab and how she got when she drank. Jace knew how much seeing her like that hurt him and here Jace was, casually about to throw the other mans concern for him back in his face. This was all wrong and Jace was just making things so much worse.
Groaning Jace place his drink down, deciding to stick to water from now on and planning to go find Magnus to make him as sober as he could as quickly as he could but as he turned his head to signal the bartender he caught a glimpse of what was going on behind him and froze. The seelie had moved in closer, her hand sliding up Simon’s chest. Her head was tilted to the side, her red curls falling almost artfully over her shoulders and she looked up at Simon through her long lashes, a coy smile on her pink lips. With an overwhelming sense of horror Jace watched as Simon placed his hand on her waist and pulled her closer, a confident smirk curling his lips up and his dark eyes becoming hooded as he leaned in towards her.
Jace saw red.
Snarling he knocked back the last of his drink, practically slamming the glass down before pushing away from the bar. He ignored Luke calling out his name, nor did he pay attention to anyone he stumbled into as he made his way hastily across the room, to focused on Simon and his need to stop whatever the hell it was that he thought he was about to do. He was done waiting, he needed to tell Simon now before he lost his chance all together and the vampire slipped off into the night with the seelie. All he had to do was show Simon that he was better, that he didn’t need to go with her because Jace was all he would ever need to keep him satisfied and if Simon wouldn’t listen then Jace would show him. He may be hopeless at the relationship side of things but this he was good at, excelled at it even and he knew that given the chance he could leave Simon a blissful, fucked out mess. Jace just had to get him away from the seelie first and then finally he would get Simon all to himself.
Bonus Track
