Summary: it was a rundown car, one of the tail lights hung incorrectly as if the repairman hadn’t been too knowledgeable on much but the fact that it was broken. the road was insubstantial, flickering out of existence like the “no” on the motel sign ahead of us. the red echoes off of his cheekbones and eyelids in hollow waves. chip whispered my name brokenly — my tongue ached to say his in return.

Relationship: Chip Taylor x He/Him AFAB! Reader

WC: 4.8k

A/N: Hi my loves! This fic is for Pom (@imagining-in-the-margins) Discord Servers 5th Fic Swap! I was lucky enough to write this fic for Rory (@ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff)! And he wrote me an amazing fic as well, so  check his out! The reader is He/Him AFAB and intended to be a gay trans man. No mentions of breasts or a chest area is mentioned in any way shape or form.

CW: Mild Dub-con (Sleepy griding), a little bit of cum swallowing, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, it’s honestly just yearning and pining and dumb gays

Prompt(s):

A: What about this makes you think you’re dreaming? B: I’ve dreamt about you before"“

“do you think of me when you touch yourself?” “what else is there to think about?”

“Your hand feels much better than my own.”

Reader is very very wrong about his assumption of his best friend, Chip, being straight. Why? Chip keeps on saying Reader’s name while touching himself

NSFW 18+ ONLY

———-

(crush by richard siken:)

(you’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. and you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. you’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.)

Tires couldn’t melt. Surely, if they could, then they would have already. The black pavement of the road drew any and all sunlight, stealing away that which should have helped to grow flowers or warm cheeks on cold days. However, Nevada’s desert didn’t have much in the way of plants besides the occasional cactus — so to the road, the light went. I knew if I stepped into it that the heat would sleep from the ground into my shoes.

It’s fickle like that, energy is. So very constantly moving and then spreading and staying and leaving. In a way it was almost like the boy sat next to me, with his hands gripped around the wheel, and his eyes glancing over at me in the few seconds when he could warrant looking away.

Not like there was much to look at besides me. The roads were the same in most places, black (or grayed with age), yellow and white lines, and the steering wheel beneath your fingertips. The whole world becomes this stretch of scenery that might never change. No energy would ever be the needed amount to change what is seen with the eyes of a traveler.

“It’s hot out,” Chip says simply, one of his hands moving to wipe away a bead of sweat that had started to slip down the side of his neck. My eyes followed the movement of his hands with mindless curiosity. Though to say my mind was completely out of the picture was wrong, I was thinking about how Chip’s hands would feel on me, in me.

Chip looked over at me, eyes of honey brown peering at me just because he wanted to look. I liked that about Chip, he never bothered himself with too much thought. Sure, he overthought at times, but Chip found his comfort in the life of complacency.

Truth be told, I had always wanted a man like him. Kind, comfortable, and loving, but also perfectly capable of wanting more. Chip could reach for the stars and then would be glad to land on a mountain top, as long as there were stars for his pretty eyes to look at.

“Should be a motel soon, we can stop there for the night,” I murmured. I didn’t bother to look away from the cut of his jaw as he peered out my window and through the distance, towards the horizon — eyes turning golden in the last few hints of sun that escaped the ever chasing sunset.

Somewhere, somehow, the road and time had both disappeared and left me with nothing but Chip. I didn’t care, he would always be enough for me.

If only there was a way that I would be enough for him — but Chip, my perfect man, Chip, didn’t like men. Or, so I thought.

That night, the only motel within a hundred miles was filled to the brim. No vacancies whatsoever, and the neon sign on the lot blinked without caring. It was what had made us decide to even try the motel, despite the copious amount of cars that sat in front of the building.

Luck was on our side, though, and the man at the counter said that we could sleep in our car in the lot. Which was better than the side of the road, albeit not exactly perfect.

The blanket we had stashed in the trunk worked fine.

It wasn’t too scratchy, and the soft yarn was broken in the right amount. Attached to the edge of the yellow and blue yarn-knit blanket was a hastily made tag. In large, scraggly letters, was written CT.

“Did … did you make this?” I asked, gracing a finger over the letters. I don’t know what pushed me to do so; I knew what it said, but I think I wanted to try and commit it to memory. This thing that Chip crafted so imperfectly in the best of ways. I wanted my brain to remember the smell of him on the blanket, and the sound of his voice paired with the plush as he answered my question with an embarrassed ‘yes.’

If in seven years — when my skin is wholeheartedly anew — I have come to lose the immortality of the brain’s memory, my heart will forever remember the adoration I felt for him at that moment.

“A little granny needed a ride to her grandkids. She didn’t have much money, so she taught me how to.”

I practically melted. Chip was the most perfect man ever and I was so crazy to ever think that I had a chance. But, he hadn’t told me anything that made it seem like he wanted me gone. Plus, it always felt like he tried to stretch out our trip to milk it to the bone. A stop at a gas station that takes far too long than just for snacks, often full of laughter in the small aisles before getting eventually (and inevitably) kicked out.

“Chip this is … amazing.”

A bashful grin spread across his lips as he leaned back in his seat, the blanket stretched across the centre to fit both of us. “I’m glad you like it. There should be enough for both of us, but if I steal the covers, you can just steal it back from me or…”

Chip grew embarrassed, his eyes looked away from me, towards the blinking sign. “Or, you could just wake me up and sit in my lap so we can share.”

I nodded. I knew that I’d definitely not have the courage to do so but it was a nice thought. Especially considering it seemed like Chip wantedme to sit on his lap. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made the offer.

My cheek pressed against the leather of the seat as I prepared to go to sleep. The dash said it was almost 10 and I was tired. It wasn’t comfortable, though the closeness to Chip helped a lot. Drowsiness had come over me quickly, and with a mumbled G’nightto Chip, I was asleep.

Sometime later, I was awoken by the blanket being suddenly pulled from me. I had gone to move and steal it back when I heard a whimper so sinful and heady with pleasure that I almost gasped in response.

See, while the tone was unfamiliar, I just knewit was Chip.

I hadn’t ever risked much in life. I was always the kid who did everything perfectly. I was never the perfectkid or the popular kid, but I was a good kid. The kind of kid that blends into the background and is content to do that. Yearbook club, a couple of friends, and A’s with one or two B’s. Never went to parties, never drank and drove, and never skipped.

But Chip was obviously taking a risk with what hewas doing so close to me that I couldn’t not take the risk and open my eyes.

Fuck, was I glad that I did. Nothing would ever prepare me for what I saw there. Persephone, lips reddened with the juice of pomegranate would never compare to the sight in front of me. Chip’s eyes were pressed close, and his eyebrows twisted in pleasure. The light of the neon sign faded in and out, illuminating Chip’s eyelids, the curve of his open lips, his bobbing Adam’s apple … My eyes dipped lower and followed every bit of the light. Till I saw the reason for the obscene sounds falling from Chip’s lips, not at all muddled despite the fact that he had bitten down into his bottom lip moments before.

His hand twisted down his cock. Thumb swiped over his leaking tip on the descent, rubbing his precum over his shaft.

Right away it was a blatant fact that Chip had a pretty dick. Soft looking skin flushed deep red with arousal, and softly curved towards his happy trail. Chips hand brushed his pubes at the base of his dick and held it there, I saw how his hand gripped down a bit holdinghimself as if to not cum so soon.

Chip released his swollen and pink bottom lip and his voice broke as my name escaped him. I froze for a half-second — afraid that Chip had discovered that I was awake and staring — luckily his eyes were still closed. Though, with two short and quick pumps, Chip came. His hand covered his head, hips bucking up. Chip’s red-illuminated hair fell back against the seat, another whine of my name crossing him, but it was softer now. My eyes slammed shut and I knew that he looked at me. The sign blinked red against the soft translucency of my lids.

I struggled to regulate my breathing as Chip’s finger touched my lips, a bead of his cum fell onto my lower lip. Chip hissed in a breath and said a low curse. I let my eyes blink open as if I was awoken from sleep. Chip’s hand had retreated from my face and I was glad to see that he had tucked himself back into his sweatpants.

My tongue swept over my lips and I saw Chip stiffen. I feigned curiosity and licked at my lips again. Deep down there was some part of me that liked Chip’s cum, but still would have rathered that I had tasted it on purpose.

“You stole the blanket,” I pouted. Sure, it was truebut I had not exactly cared that much about it. Chip’s eyes held a galaxy of honey as he stared at me like I was going crazy. “What?”

The sign turned on, tilting his eyes cherry brown for a moment before back to his dim, night and lust darkened honey-treacle.

“Does anything … taste weird…?”

I shook my head no.

“Wait! Since you stole the blanket, does that mean I can sit on your lap?” I questioned — though I was already hooking my legs over the centre console and moving. Chip spluttered without indignance as my shins came to rest on either side of his thighs. I sat down and pressed my face to the crook of his neck.

“Do I get a say in this?” He said a bit jokingly, my lips felt the nervous thrum of his heartbeat. His hands came to rest softly around me and me even closer. His heartbeat sped. I was so glad for that little proof of life. Truth to that this wasn’t a dream. All I wished for was for my own heart to understand that lust can do a lot of things to someone’s mind — even for just a moment, make them say the name of the wrong person.

Still, my brain would forever remember the yearnand totality of longing that I felt when I wanted to say his name in return.

(i wanted to answer a call that only chip could have rung)

—————

Waking up in Chip’s arms was a blessing and a curse.

For one, his arms were strong as they wrapped around me. His hold on me did not falter as I awoke the next morning, some time after dawn had broken. Chip’s arms had always been fairly muscular from what I had seen but it was a different thing entirely to have them wrapped around you with the purpose of not letting go.

The curse, however, was that his arms weren’t just holding. No, they were moving. Chip was still asleep if his little even breaths against my neck had any say in it. So, what he was doing was subconscious. Chip was subconsciously using his arms to rock me against his erection.

Every few seconds his breathing would be cut off by a sleepy groan that ignited a fire in my belly akin to the voracious and tantalizing red light that had echoed against our skin the night before.

Chip’s lips dragged across my skin sleepily, lean-muscled arms holding me to his lap tightly. It was as if he knew in some deep-seated way that it was me in his arms like all he had ever wanted was to hold me. Chip settled back again with his lips — the ones that always seemed to be programmed into a perfect little pink country-boy pout — pressed to the hollow divot of my collarbone.

In one motion, Chip’s face is wrenched back from my skin and his arms loosen to pull away. What replaced the feel of him on me was the sudden heart-wrenching longing for his warmth, for his cheek to be back against the place where my shirt had fallen and skin was visible. It was scorching out already, though it couldn’t be too far past dawn. Still, a million suns could fall on me with their flames and it would never compare to the quenching warmth of Chip’s life. Or, possibly, a better analogy would be that I was a dehydrated man, and Chip was the most hydrating water there was. Hmm, no. Chip may be something the kind of man to hum in the background, but he would never let himself forget that he held a sting of poison.

Chip was better suited to be electricity. Like the gasses and spark that flitted through every single neon light in the whole world. Capable of both shocking and warming. I had hoped that Chip hadn’t pulled away to give me a taste of his bite, since he had already given me a mouthful of his warmth.

His cheeks were such a shade of red, one that not even the sign from the night could ever think of matching. A pretty candy apple color that reminded me of when we had been on a California beach and he forgot sunscreen.

“I - I think we should find a Hotel room tonight,” Chip made no move to push me away. I made no move to go away. Despite the fact that pressing against my ass was an erection that also wasn’t going away.

I nodded in agreement, though I truly wouldn’t mind sleeping in the car again. Chip was a pretty nice mattress and I quite enjoyed the show he put on last night. Even if he didn’t know he was putting one on.

Still, he had said my name and I was in the car, only a few feet from him. If anything he had wanted me to see, right?

Though, that would mean that he was not straight, which was an odd thought to think. He had only ever mentioned girlfriends and sometimes I noticed how he would talk to a girl he found pretty. Eyes tilted golden, words soft and not sure where to look. Chip’d flit all around her face and her legs and her chest. I hadn’t ever noticed him doing that to a man.

And, unless I was blind, he’d never done it to me either.

Three hours later, I was back in my seat and Chip was driving, per usual for our day. We were an hour from Las Vegas, and Chip remarked that he’d only seen the city in passing. He’d never taken the time to stop in Sin City. So, the most obvious option would of course be to have us spend the day there.

Chip wasn’t very lenient with money, he used it when needed but would rather not splurge. However, he always seemed to have a full wallet. That was fine, though. I had enough for the fairly small buy-in of some random game. Plus, I was fucking fantastic at gambling. It was one of the few times I allowed myself the chance to take risks. It was exhilarating, wondering whether or not you’d win big or leave empty-handed.

And, well, I never left with less than what I started with.

“Chip,” I called, a small grin forming over my lips. He looked over at me quickly, before bringing his eyes back to the road. His eyebrow quirked softly with a question. “Can you go faster? I want to do somethin’.”

He nodded at me with vigor and a big smile and we shot forward a bit. Chip’s tanned hands adjusted their grip on the wheel. I didn’t pay too much attention as I rolled down the window. Chip’s hair, which had grown to the bottoms of his ears in our trip, wildly flailed in the wind that flooded the car. I gripped the outside of the car as I slid to sit on the door, most of my body out of the car.

I saw Chip’s eyes grow as wide as dime plates as he grabbed my ankle with a hand — the knuckles of both of his hands went bone white as they gripped onto either the wheel or me.

A nervous but admiration filled laugh bubbled from Chip’s lips, though It really could have been passed off as a sigh. “You …” A look I couldn’t place fell into his eyes, “You’re crazy.”

I then let my head fall back a bit, relishing in the way the wind contrasted the warm sun against every inch of me. When I looked away from the desert horizon, I noticed how Chip’s gaze fell onto my legs and the few inches of midriff from where my shirt had been ridden up by the wind. His eyes slammed back to the road when I caught him, and his eyes widened a bit.

“In a good way, I hope,” I said while sliding back in the window. I saw Chip’s shoulders relax a bit, and his fingertips dragged up my shin a bit before he returned his hand. Shot it back so fast I might have burned him.

“In the best way,” he replied, lips stretching as if he was trying to stop from saying something. But there was still that lingering yank from when he had tugged his hand back. Did he know? Had he somehow realized that I feel deeply for him and didn’t want to even insinuate that we could be together?

At that moment I felt like I had ruined it all. Like I was free falling and there’d be no one to catch me and I was too close to the ground. I felt like I’d failed a class or killed someone.

Then Chip reaches out, and his eyes are full of the poetry I would croon to him if I could, his eyes are glowing honey red again and I must be on fire now. Nothing else could explain the painless burning that filled my chest when I touched his hand.

(love, my brain whispered, love could)

—————

I called his name as we lay on the fancy hotel bed, it had an attached casino that we had just returned from. Entered with three hundred, left with almost two grand. I had sat on Chip’s lap and called him mylucky charm, and he was. In murmurs, he spoke about his limited poker experience.

Now our knuckles brushed from how close we were on the sheets and I hadn’t needed to look over to know that he was looking at me. In a way, he always was. Eyes bright with their own hum of neon gold, bright little flecks of the sun, and lightning in his sea of clear brown. Almost like dirt. Strong, life-giving. Chip took a drag of his lit cigarette, the red-orange tip reminded me of the neon sign. Has it really just been last night? I had thought to myself.

“D’you ever think about stopping? Finding somewhere to stay, building a home?”

Chip shook his head, curls falling into their soft pattern as they air-dried and slightly damped the white sheets beneath his head. It was odd to me, seeing as Chip had always seemed like someone who was searching for his home. Through mile, after mile, his eyes were sharp with longing. The roll of every hill, every divot leading to a river, he always seemed like he wanted to stop. To stay. Chip would look at me, eyes clear and warm, and I would see the longing in his eyes and I knew that he wanted to be home. Wherever his home happened to be. A small puff of smoke fell from Chip’s lips. I had gotten us a smoking room.

“I am home,” Chip’s voice was soft but strong with the sureness of his own self. “I am with you.”

My lips froze on my words, my mind had been completely and utterly discombobulated by the man beside me.

Chip threw his cigarette butt into the trash and scooted closer to me, nuzzling under the covers. I followed his lead, still too stunned to think much past ohmygod ohmygod. Before long, I felt my mind slow and my eyes flutter close, the scent of soap and cigarette smoke on my mind.

Chip had used my body wash.

—————

When I opened my eyes, I half expected the sight of the car. Since, what I was hearing mirrored what had happened the night before. Except there was a desperation to the sound that hadn’t been there previously.

A sob of my name echoed from next to me. That was what had woken me up. Notcovers being wrenched from me - in fact, I somehow had more covers on me than when I went to sleep. I was planning on just ignoring him, obviously, he wasn’t meaning to wake me up from his uhm, activities.But then his voice rang out softly, a sharp “No.”

I sat up quickly. The first thing I saw of Chip when I turned was how he reached for the blanket to pull it over himself. His hand didn’t make it that far, though. Before Chip had hidden his very obvious attempts of trying to get off, I had grabbed his wrist lightly.

“Chip. What are you doing?” I asked softly, curiosity and a flood of arousal pressed against my teeth, my tongue, and thrummed in my fingers. Everything of me was alight with the glow of what I was doing. I was giving myself a chance for risk, and I was taking it. Somehow, in the moments where Chip stuttered out an apology, I had become the neon light.

Suddenly, I wanted to stretch out and cover Chip fully. I wanted nothing more than to encapsulate him in my light, in me.

I moved as fast as I could, the covers falling off of me. Chips eyes were blinking in the quick pace of a faulty light, in the pace my heart surely must have also been beating. I used my grip on his wrist to guide him back to his own self.

“What are you doing?!” Chip exclaimed as I moved to straddle his thigh, not letting off my hold on his hand.

I let myself grind down on his leg for a moment, savoring the spark of friction it ignited in my tummy. There was stuff more important than that, though. “Last night and tonight, Chip. You’ve woken me up. Saying my name.” Chip’s eyes widened and a neon flush spread over his cheeks. I smiled a bit, so he really hadn’tintended on me knowing. His lips wrapped around soundless apologies. “Tell me, Chip: do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

“What else is there to think about?”

A groan fell from my lips. I moved from his thigh and rested by his stomach, moving his hand with me so that I could still grip his wrist. Chip’s erection pressed against my ass. Again. “Chip, you don’t gotta just think.If you want, right now, I’ll give you something to feel.”

If I could describe how Chip looked in one word, it would be thunder-struck.

Though he was the electricity and the lightning, Chip was the one electrocuted. When he moved into motion, I expected him to push me away. Instead, his free hand rested on my cheek, his pinkie finger under my jaw, and his lips were moving for mine. If his lips against my throat were mind-numbing, then this … this was mind-melting.Any thoughts I could have had escaped me, and this warming field of electricity swallowed me whole.

Chip kissed like he wanted love, and cuddling under homemade pink blankets, and hand-holding, and everything good. Chip kissed me as though he loved me. And he did.

“Let me touch you, please,” His breath was warm against my lips. I nodded, using my free hand to unbutton my pants, then guiding Chip’s hand to my boxers. A gasp left his lips as his fingers slid over my wetness, Chip’s thumb moved up and rubbed a soft circle into my clit and my hips jerked against his hand, rutting against him a bit, a moan falling from his lips.

Chip dragged two of his fingers between my folds, and before I could grab his wrist again, he pulled his hand between my legs and pressed his fingers into his open mouth. I could see from the hollow of his cheeks that he was greedily sucking on them. Words tumbled from my lips before I could even think through what I was saying.

“I wanna fuck you.”

He pulled his fingers from his mouth, a bead of spit connecting them to his lips. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

I shoved myself out of my boxers, throwing them somewhere across the room. I wasn’t in any hurry, but in a way I was.Chip’s hand moved back to me, this time his finger pushed into me.

I was prepared, yes, but in a way, I also wasn’t.

There was this expression of pure adoration pressing into every curve, dimple, and freckle of Chip’s expression.

He got in a few pumps and curls of his finger before I was practically shaking with desperation. Chip went to add another but I stopped him, using his wrist to pull him out of me. Chip leaned back on his elbows as I grabbed him from behind me, his skin warm and flushed under my fingertips, giving it a few pumps before lining the head of his cock up to me.

“Your hand feels so much better than mine,” I could see Chip’s eyes struggling to stay open as I sunk down on him, a whine falling from my own lips. Despite the mild preparation, Chip was still bigger than I had expected. He wasn’t overly thick, but like his own stature, he was long.

Once our hips were flush, I spoke, “You can close your eyes, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

Chip shook his head, “I’m afraid I’ll wake up from this dream.”

I rocked myself slightly on him, more of a grind than a thrust. I was still too tired to actually put much motion in, but I could feel that we were both already close enough for it to work.

“Oh, love, what about this makes you think you’re dreaming?”

It’s Chip that actually thrust up, hands sliding under the hem of my cotton shirt and settling against my hips. “I’ve dreamt about you before.”

“What exactly have you dreamed of?”

I knew what it was like to dream. Before I woke I was seeing a candy apple red sunset and a never-ending road, a home with two wheels, I was smelling honey soap and looking in honey brown eyes; watching as energy flickered there while a black hole overtook that sliver of sun in his eyes.

“Sometimes, I dream of fucking you,” Chip punctuated his words with a thrust into me, one of his hands moving to rub eager circles into me. His voice was then softer, more hesitant, a whisper. “Mostly, I dream of loving you.”

I press a sweet kiss to his lips and Chip sighs against me, sparking across my flesh. “Don’t dream, make it real.”

In one smooth motion, he flips us. One of my legs pressed up high, placed over his shoulder. “I love you,” Chip thrusts deeply, but gently. His hand snakes to hold mine. I press a kiss to his lips. Our bodies were entangled and entwined like yarn.

(in the morning, the mirror would show us both that it wasn’t a dream as his lips would leave bruises against my skin. but reality or not didn’t matter as we both whispered our affections. we reached the end of our journey together, and glowed brightly with neon love)

[END]

what-is-going-on-inside-my-head:

Fanfic: “they became lovers”

Me: hm, okay

Fanfic: “they became friends”

Me: OMG, THEY BECAME FRIENDS

Fanfic: “and then they became lovers”

Me: GOSH, THEY BECAME FRIENDS ANDLOVERS! INCREDIBLE!

Author:vyduan
Pairing: Kim Seokjin | Reader, Kim Namjoon | Kim Seokjin
Genre: romance, comedy, light angst, friends to lovers, slow burn, polyamory, polyfidelity
Word Count:~12.3k
Rating: Mature, 18+
Warnings: swearing, legal consumption of alcohol, mentions of legal consumption of THC edibles, mentions of a bad come down from said THC edibles, discussion of polyamory, light discussions of incest, navigation of polyamory boundaries, light mentions of coming out to family, a lot of references to famous twins, general absurdity, and terrible jokes
[AO3]

Summary: Jin is in love with both Y/N and Namjoon – and they might love him back. One small problem: Y/N and Namjoon are twins.

Notes: There is no incest or sex (explicit or otherwise) portrayed in this fic.

Also, minus the Namjoon being my twin part, being in a poly relationship, and the Jin being in love with me part, a high percentage of this fic is ripped from my actual life. MAKE OF IT WHAT YOU WILL.

Special thanks to @bangtanbeforebitches,@reliablemitten,@justasparkwritings,@sugalaritae for checking content, beta-ing, bouncing ideas off of, sensitivity reading, and generally making sure I didn’t completely go off the rails. Super special thanks to @miscelunaaa​ and @thatlongspringnight​ for vibe checking the concluding paragraphs.

1.

“Jiiiinnnnnniiiiiiiieeeeeee!” you whine.

“Y/N?” he replies, voice muffled and soft with sleep. “You’re lucky I left the ringer on.”

“I took the wrong train hooooommmmmeeeee and Joonie won’t pick up because he is awful and asleep and doesn’t care about meeeeeeeeeeee~~~! Can you come get me at the stop by your house?”

You try to speak quietly because you really don’t need the entire train car to know your business but also, you’re a really poor gauge of volume at the moment due to the fact that you are slightly inebriated.

“How’d you get on the wrong train anyway?” Jin grumbles.

“I used up all my brain cells going into the city and interviewing people and then I could not brain after.” You frown when you hear Jin choke back a laugh. “Oh, wait. Brain means something else.”

“You’re something else,” he teases. “Could you brain before?”

“Jinnie!” You don’t know why you’re so in your feelings tonight. You’re sure you would have cracked up if you were your normal self but at the moment, it stings. “I swear I was on the right platform — but there are so many trains going out from there and I used to take this train all the time — or maybe I was supposed to transfer?”

Jin grunts in acknowledgment or maybe he’s chuckling at you. Either way, you feel judged. You hear shuffling in the background and some mumbled words and a response you don’t quite catch but seems to be in a woman’s register.

You ignore the smarting of your eyes and the ache in your chest. You’ve just been overserved is all. It’s really not worth overthinking now — or ever.

“Do you have company?” you pout. “I don’t want to bother you, Jinnie. I can take an Uber.”

He sighs. “You told me it cost $75 the last time you did this and that was years ago. I’m coming to pick you up.”

You frown and think real hard back to the stop you just passed. “I should be outside in about five to ten minutes?” You pause. “Can we make a stop for tacos, too? I would fuck those tacos up.”

“Y/N, it’s past 1am. Nothing is open.”

“I hate the ‘burbs,” you complain. “It’s the worst.”

“No, parking in SF is the worst. And so is not drinking because you have to drive home,” he says.

“Don’t be mean, Jinnie. I’m hungry and feel big dumb and I might need water.”

“I’ll have water for you in the car.”

“Thanks, Jinnie,” you breathe as you end the call.

A few really slow blinks later and you realize you’re at your stop and you barely make it out before the doors close and you’d have to shamefacedly call Jin again and ask him to meet you at the next BART stop down the line. You check the time on your phone as you text Jin that you’re on the way to the pickup area. You smile at the thumb’s up emoji he sends back.

It is 1:34am. You owe Jin big time.

You’re slightly more sober as you make your way to the curb and see the brief flash of Jin’s headlights.

“Hey, Squirt,” he says in way of greeting. His SUV echoes with his squeaky laugh when he catches the grimace on your face as he hands you a bottle of water.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”

“What? It’s a term of endearment,” he snickers not unkindly.

You huff and stare out the window at the passing streetlights. “You ask a hypothetical question one time! One time!”

“Was it really hypothetical though?” Jin muses as he gets on the freeway. “I won’t judge you. It’s a natural bodily function and some people find it hella hot.”

Your face burns and you are grateful for the low light. “Don’t make it weird, Jinnie. I’ll tell Namjoon.”

This time, it is Jin who grimaces. “No need to bring your brother into it,” he grumbles. “Joon has no chill when it comes to you.”

You sigh. “No, he really doesn’t,” you agree. “I guess I can thank him for my perpetual state of singlehood.”

“Nah,” grins Jin as he reaches over and ruffles your hair. You struggle not to push into his hand. “You can thank yourself for that.”

“Why are you so mean to me tonight? I’m drunk and I’m sensitive.”

You sound petulant even to your own ears. It has nothing to do with who Jin was with before he came to you. It has nothing to do with how you could never betray Namjoon.

Jin is quiet for a bit and you close your eyes while leaning against the cool of the window.

“I’m sorry, Y/N-ah,” he finally says. “I’m glad you got on the wrong train.”

“Well, that’s a lie,” you grumble.

“How would you have driven home? You’re still tipsy!” Jin insists. “You’d be at the BART station in the middle of the night all alone. At least I’m only ten minutes away from this stop.”

“You would have stayed in the car with me until I was sober or picked me up, Jinnie,” you mumble sleepily. “If I called you, you would have come.”

“Just like that, huh? Am I your dog or something?” Jin’s words seem scolding but you can hear the affection in his voice.

You yawn as you fight to stay awake. “No, Jinnie. You would have come because you love me.”

You drift off to sleep before you can hear his response, but deep in your heart, you are certain he says, “I do.”

2.

“Y/N, wake up. You’re home,” Jin says.

You mumble a “go away” quickly followed by a “fuck off,” refusing to move.

Jin sighs, wiping a weary hand over his face. You are both getting too old for this — not that he is too old — just for this. He has an early 6:30am call and it’s already 2am. By the time he gets you inside and then drives back home it will be past 3.

He does not want to think about whether or not there will be an angry woman in his bed when he gets home and if he has to deal with that fallout. He does not know if he hopes Aeri has gone back to sleep, has stayed up waiting to fight with him, or if she has left for her own home.

He sighs again and gets out, rounding his car to your side. He opens the door, unbuckles your seatbelt, and forces you up, hooking one of your arms around his neck.

“Come on, Y/N,” he fusses, “work with me here. I could have sworn you were sobering up and weren’t that drunk.”

Your only response is a garbled “mmmph” but you at least seem to be roused enough to help him help you through your front door and then up the stairs after he helps remove your boots.

Jin doesn’t know how he always seems to be the one who gets roped into bailing you and your twin out of trouble all the time, but here he is yet again. You and Namjoon will be the death of him one day, but what is a little sleep deprivation among lifelong friends?

Plus, he never really had much of a choice in the matter. Your mothers were best friends and as soon as Jin’s older brother was old enough to ditch you three, Jin was stuck being the only one with enough sense to keep you twins alive. He always marveled at how two of the smartest humans he knew could be so stupid.

“You might not have regular working hours, Y/N, but I do,” he nags. “You might end up with a parking ticket, too, if you don’t wake up in time to drive your car home — although, I suppose as long as you don’t exceed the 24-hour limit, you should be —”

Ah, fuck. Jin abruptly shuts himself up. He can’t believe he’s lecturing you on BART parking policies in the middle of the night. He can’t believe he knows the BART parking policies in the middle of the night — or at all!

He really needs to rethink his life.

“Let’s get you changed, Y/N. Can’t have outside clothes on the bed — especially after sitting on BART.”

Jin shudders at the thought as he finds your pajamas tossed on top of a rather large pile of clothing on the comfy reading chair he is positive you haven’t sat in since you bought it as it usually holds all your clothes.

“Fuck!” he yells as he accidentally jams his pinky toe in your bed frame.

“Shhhhhh!” you hiss. “Don’t wake up Joonie, Jin.”

Oh no. He is not going to be lectured about proper nighttime behavior by you of all people. “If you could actually wake Namjoon up once he’s gone to sleep, I wouldn’t be here right now!” exasperates Jin.

You have only just pulled your pajamas on and your hair is a staticky mess. You peer up at him, eyes welling with tears. “I’m sorry, Jinnie,” you sniffle. “I didn’t mean to get on the wrong train.”

“Oh, baby,” he croons automatically as he pulls you into a hug. “You really are drunk aren’t you?”

“I was so nervous about the press junket — I got to interview Michelle Fucking Yeoh — and then I met up with some journalist friends after the premier and I swear I didn’t have that many,” you blubber into the crook of his neck, your hot breath whispering over his skin.

He ignores the shiver threatening to roll down his spine. “Come on, now. Let oppa take care of you.”

You must be really out of it for the “oppa” not to elicit some lecture about being in America and it being super cringe. You refuse to even call Namjoon “oppa,” and he legitimately is your older brother — albeit by seven minutes. Jin cannot tell if he’s secretly pleased or not. Definitely not.

He pulls back the covers on your bed and tucks you in. You look so soft and blurry that his heart twinges and he has to look away. There is no use in dwelling on what is not or cannot be.

“Sleep well, sweetheart,” he murmurs, only daring the endearment because he is certain you won’t remember it tomorrow.

3.

“Is she okay?” Aeri asks as Jin enters his kitchen. She is seated at his dining table and has all her things packed beside her.

“She’s asleep in her bed, safe and sound,” Jin replies wearily. He is too tired to do this.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jin,” she says softly. “You’re always leaving me to bail her out.”

“To be fair, I bail Joon out, too.”

“I suppose you do,” she concedes.

Jin pulls out a chair and slumps in its comforting sturdiness. “What would you have me do?”

“Let them figure out their own lives. Despite being the Disaster Twins, they are grown ups.”

“They would die spectacularly and my mother would never forgive me. How could I face my eomma if I didn’t keep the kids of her best friend alive in their absence?” Jin runs an exhausted hand through his dark locks. “Auntie would have never accepted that professor position at Seoul National University otherwise.”

Aeri huffs lightly. She is taking this rather well and Jin is both gratified and annoyed that he is gratified.

Jin prepares himself for the inevitable.

“We had fun for a few months, right?” she asks.

“We did,” he agrees.

Aeri rises and kisses him gently on the forehead before heading for his front door. “I’ll see you around, Jinnie.”

Aeri has actually been a little more understanding than most people he’s dated and he briefly regrets how it’s ending as he locks the door after her. He regrets that the prospect of her leaving doesn’t make more of an impact on him. That he would rather choose this perpetual limbo of picking up after you and Joon until each of you break his heart by falling in love with someone else.

He is a fool. He does not care.

4.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Namjoon worries after you tell him what happened.

“And how was I supposed to do that, Joonie?” you reply. “You could sleep through the apocalypse.”

He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. You aren’t wrong. “Okay, fair,” he says. He should know better than to argue with you, but you are still his baby sister and old habits are hard to break. “How did you get home?”

You hesitate. “Jin.”

He sees how you tamp down your obvious feelings for their old friend and feels a surge of kinship. He, too, knows how that goes. “That was nice of him,” he says.

“Yeah,” you reply glumly. “Can you take me to get my car now?”

Namjoon nods and grabs his wallet and keys from the kitchen counter and wonders why you sound so sad.

“Why are you brooding, Y/N?” he asks as he pulls out the driveway.

You scowl into the sunshine. “Who’s brooding?”

“Must we?” he sighs.

You sigh, too. “I have to write my review today. Do you have time to look it over? I think it should be fine, but I’m including interview quotes and want to make sure it’s not too clunky,” you say, changing the subject effectively.

“Yeah, sure. I’ve got time,” Namjoon replies, allowing you your dodge.

There is no way the two of you could be so close if neither of you let the other be. You’ll tell him eventually. You always do unless it is about Jin. You almost never tell him anything important about Jin. The two of you never say anything important about Jin.

“Maybe while I’m looking over your review, you can read mine about the Alice Neel exhibit at the De Young,” he suggests.

You chuckle. “I wonder how our outlets would feel if they knew they were getting both Kim twins for the price of one,” you say.

“They wouldn’t push back on my rates, that’s for fucking sure,” Namjoon replies. “I’m surprised they haven’t caught on. There was some line you slipped into my piece about contemporary Asian American artists to watch that should have been a dead giveaway.”

You grin. “You kept it though.”

“‘Course, Y/N,” he says. “We’re besties for resties.”

“WONDER KIMS ACTIVATE!” you crow as you hold out a fist for him to bump.

Namjoon smiles and complies, loving the spark sneaking back into your eyes. When he drops you off at the lot, he says, “I’m going to make a stop at Starbucks. Want me to bring back something for you?”

“Oooooh! Can you get me as large a Dragon Drink as humanly possible?” you request.

“No ice, I presume?” he confirms.

You shudder. “Of course, no ice. I refuse to pay for frozen water.”

“Right, right. How dare you pay for them to take up space where your actual drink should be,” Namjoon observes.

“And it’s just too cold! You know how I hate to be cold, Joonie.”

“We’ll just agree to disagree.”

You sigh dramatically. “This is something you’ll just never understand. You’re a walking heater.”

“Can’t help being so hot,” he quips back, gloating as you groan.

“Well, now you have to bring me back a chicken sausage breakfast sandwich, too.”

He grunts his acknowledgement and debates texting Jin his thanks as he waits for you to get in and start the car. Namjoon decides he doesn’t know if he can handle being teased by the older man this early in the morning. Instead, he salutes you when you drive off and then goes on his own way.

5.

“Hyung,” Namjoon starts but is immediately cut off.

“Oh, no. Don’t hyung me,” retorts Jin. “You only call me hyung when you want something from me and I’m all tapped out. I’m still suffering the consequences of dealing with your sister.”

“But, hyung,” Namjoon whines, “you told me that I wasn’t allowed to do any more home improvement projects without consulting you first.”

Namjoon knows he’s playing dirty, but he’s desperate.

Besides, his parents are technically paying Jin to manage their property because no matter how much they love you and Namjoon, they also know you both. The two of you are equally useless and aren’t called the Disaster Twins for nothing — which is why his parents actually entrusted Jin with the care and keeping of their home.

It would be more lowering if it didn’t provide Namjoon with the perfect built-in excuse to request Jin’s presence. Not that Namjoon ever really needs a reason, but sometimes, it is awfully convenient.

“What did you do, Namjoon?” Jin asks, his voice rising slightly higher in register.

Namjoon clears his throat. “Nothing? I promise I didn’t break anything?”

“Yet, you mean,” Jin mumbles under his breath and Namjoon knows he has him.

He lets the awkward silence stretch, allowing Jin to conjure up all the worst case scenarios.

Namjoon’s been trying to put together this standing desk for the last three hours and he has a lot of extra screws and parts and he’s pretty sure that’s not what’s supposed to happen. Also, he may have mixed up the pieces of his desk with his new chair and maybe a fancy end table that he was trying to assemble at the same time.

He cannot wait for this mess to be taken care of by the ever-capable Jin. He hears Jin sigh and allows himself a brief, unbecoming moment of gloating.

“Have you eaten yet?” Jin asks, resigned.

Namjoon smiles wide into his phone. “Not yet, hyung. Can you pick up some jjajangmyeon?” he asks as innocently as possible.

“You’re lucky I’m in a giving mood, Joon,” Jin says as he ends the call.

And then, just like magic, Jin shows up at his front door with dinner and boba about two hours later.

“Where’s Y/N?” asks Jin.

Namjoon’s gut swoops a bit. He tells himself that Jin is only asking because he likely brought enough food for three and not because Jin would prefer to see his twin instead of himself. He trusts Jin and their friendship enough to know that Jin genuinely enjoys being with him.

But sometimes, it smarts more than he expects and Namjoon has to work extra hard to believe that he and Jin have something special all on their own. The lies have been getting louder lately and he doesn’t know what that means.

“She’s out with friends,” Namjoon answers. “I think it’s someone’s birthday?”

Jin nods and as he passes through the living room, says, “Please do not tell me you consider building furniture ‘making home improvements.’”

“Um, kinda?” gulps Namjoon.

Jin sounds way too hot when he scolds and it’s too much — at least it is before he’s had sustenance. He frowns and his eyebrows furrow. Namjoon thinks he might actually be in trouble until Jin wipes a hand over his face in exasperation, letting the tension out with a long exhale.

“Alright. I guess we should eat if I want to finish this bullshit sometime in the next century.”

Jin’s eyes soften and Namjoon’s heart lights up. He is so fucked.

6.

“You’re an idiot,” Yoongi chides.

Jin bristles slightly but papers it over with a lopsided grin. He digs deep and dials up his nonchalance. “Aeri and I weren’t serious anyway,” he says. He does not see the matching flickers of hurt on your and Namjoon’s faces. “You know I don’t do serious.”

Yoongi lifts both judgmental eyebrows and purses his lips. “Well, that’s a fucking lie.”

“Name one.” Jin glares at Yoongi, daring him to continue.

Yoongi smirks and sets down his longneck beer. “I can name two: Tia and Tamera.”

Yoongi receives high-fives from the rest of their friends and Jin chances a glance at you and Namjoon. The two of you look as horrified as he feels.

Jin wants to murder Yoongi, except then he’d be down a best friend and also, he’s too pretty to go to prison. Except, when Hoseok opens his big, fat mouth, Jin is willing to risk it all and murder him, too.

“You know Yoongi ain’t lying,” Hoseok cracks. “The way that Jenna and Barbara Bush here have you by the fucking balls, Jin. It would be pathetic if it wasn’t so endearing.”

“And don’t they know it,” Jungkook agrees. “Assholes constantly take advantage of your heart boner for them. Just make it official already.”

“I don’t —”

“Wait, I’m Jenna, right?” you interject.

“That’s laughable, Y/N. Like you’d make it on ‘The Today Show,’” Namjoon argues.

Jin appreciates the two of you trying to deflect, but he needs you both to know that he’s not a creep.

“Don’t be ridiculous. They’re like my children,” Jin protests too loudly. “And you know I was talking specifically about romantic relationships.”

Jin’s heart thunders in his chest and he wonders how no one can see the way it pounds under his shirt. He is suddenly grateful for wearing a dark shirt so no one can see the sweat that must be staining his underarms.

“Oh, we’re aware,” Jimin leers. “Isn’t it every person’s fantasy to have a pair of hot twins as the ultimate flex? And here you have a wholeass Cole and Dylan Sprouse on each arm.”

Jin really wishes his friends would read the room and move on. They’re Korean, aren’t they? Where is everyone’s nunchi and why is no one exercising it?

“You don’t have to hide who you love, Jin,” Taehyung says quietly. “Do you think we wouldn’t support you?”

Jin panics.

Does everyone know his deepest, darkest secret? Do you and Namjoon know, too, and have just been too polite to ever say anything?

He does not dare look at either of you. Not now.

“You all think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?” he grates out. “I practically raised The Barbi Twins and now you’re making me out to be a pervert or something. I deserve better than this.”

Jin pushes back from the table, gets up, and reaches into his wallet to throw down a bunch of twenties.

“Don’t go, Jinnie,” you say.

You are putting on a brave front. Jin knows because he can see the slight tremble in your plush lips and your dimples are nowhere to be found in your strained smile. Jin watches as Namjoon wraps an arm protectively around you and says nothing. He sucks in his cheeks and Jin knows Joon is pissed.

He has to leave.

“I’m no longer in the mood to be social,” he spits.

Jin refuses to make eye contact with any of his worthless friends and makes the 45 minute drive home in alternating waves of despair and fury.

He does not answer any texts or calls for the next two weeks — even if they’re from you or Namjoon. Jin doesn’t know if he can ever show his face again.

7.

“What the fuck, Yoongi?” snarls Namjoon at the same time you growl, “Was that really necessary?”

Namjoon’s heart aches and his stomach won’t stop churning. The horror written all over Jin’s face at even the idea of being in a relationship with either him or his twin is still fresh in his mind. He reaches for and squeezes your hand. You must be devastated.

“You okay?” he asks you quietly.

You sniff a watery sniff. “It’s nothing I didn’t already know — although, I had hoped that you, at least, had a chance.”

“The lot of you are fucking idiots,” Yoongi comments. “And quite frankly, I’m sick of it.”

“It’s been years of this bullshit,” Hoseok agrees.

“Imagine how I feel! I’ve known Jin since kindergarten and have had to witness this fucking ridiculous pageantry for decades. That’s right. Decades. Plural,” Yoongi continues.

“You’re severely mistaken.” Namjoon tries to keep the fury from his tone, but he is still too shaken. He is distraught. He wants to go home but he powers through for you.

Yoongi scoffs. “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? This way, the two of you can continue to ignore the discomfort of being in love with the same man as well as the inherent squick factor of considering a polyamorous relationship with said man because you are siblings — not to mention twins.” Yoongi doesn’t even try to wipe the smug look off his face. “Do I have it about right?”

You are near tears and Namjoon is about to get into a fight with one of his best friends.

“No. Not even remotely. I’m not in love with Jin — and even if I were, he’s not in love with me,” you say. You glance at Namjoon meaningfully.

Namjoon wants to disagree because he’s seen how Jin treats you — how he’s always treated you — like you’re the most precious person in the room. He remembers how when you were all kids and Jin kept beating the two of you at rock, paper, scissors and you started crying. Jin told you to believe in yourself and to try again. From that moment on, he would alternate winning and losing rounds with you. He lost to no one else.

Jin still only loses to you at rock, paper, scissors. He’s gotten subtler at rigging the wins, but he still does so nonetheless.

No. You are also severely mistaken. Jin definitely loves you but likely doesn’t want to hurt Namjoon’s feelings. And so, Namjoon feels anew all the guilt of getting in the way of your happiness. And yet, he also cannot bear getting out of the way.

“You know, we say this all the time and yet, it bears repeating,” Jimin says. “You two are the stupidest geniuses we know.”

“And what do you know about it, Jimin?” says Namjoon, rounding on a new target. His heart still feels tender and there hasn’t been enough time for him to recover.

“Look, we’re not trying to be assholes —”

“It’s just effortless —”

“Joon —”

“No, Y/N. I want to hear more from our friends how they’re not trying to be assholes and yet are managing to be assholes anyway.” Namjoon fumes and doesn’t try to rein in his mouth. “We’re not characters in some tragicomic love story. You can’t just push us all together and say ‘now kiss’ and poof! Happily ever after!”

“Isn’t that exactly what you do to your characters in your novels?” Jungkook challenges. At Namjoon’s questioning look, he adds, “What? I read your books — I like romance novels. The gayer the better.”

“I set things up a bit better than that!” Namjoon complains.

“You absolutely do, hyung. Your tropes are well done,” he ingratiates.

Namjoon resists the urge to preen. “Stop distracting me by playing into my ego!”

“So it’s working?”

Jungkook flashes his bunny teeth in delight. Namjoon wishes the younger man isn’t so adorable and feels some of his outrage gutter out.

“Maybe.”

“Look, perhaps Yoongi could have broached the topic in a better way,” Taehyung starts. “And yes, you three aren’t pawns in some scripted poly love triangle — you’re real people with thoughts and feelings of your own.”

“Yes, so why don’t we leave me and Joonie and our individual feelings alone,” you interrupt.

Yoongi snorts. “Yeah, cuz that’s been working out so well.”

Taehyung glares at everyone. “As I was saying, we just want you three to know that there isn’t anything wrong with how you feel. That we support you and are rooting for you. That your desires are valid.”

“It’s moot anyway,” you say sadly. Namjoon wants to hug you but refrains. He knows if he does, you’ll start crying and then you’ll never forgive him. “You heard him. He doesn’t ‘do serious.’ And he certainly doesn’t ‘do serious’ with me or Namjoon.”

Jimin sighs audibly. “Whether you choose to use your fucking genius brains or not is up to you.” He holds out his hand to forestall the protest bubbling out of Namjoon’s throat. “But regardless of what you believe, you two need to figure out what you want and what your boundaries are about Jin. This whole pretend you don’t know when you do is exhausting — and we’re not even the ones going through it. We’re just the assholes who have to watch the trainwreck unfold in slow motion.”

Namjoon tries to catch your eye but you are now refusing to look at him, too. If he is honest with himself, he knows his friends are correct — even if they have shitty execution and implementation.

He is tired. Tired of hiding. Of lying to himself and to everyone else. Of lying to you.

Namjoon is tired of never saying anything important about Jin.

8.

“You wanna talk about it?” you ask when you and Namjoon get home.

“Not really,” your brother replies. “Maybe tomorrow when we’re less emotional?”

You know Namjoon is right. All you will do now is cry and that’s not useful. Particularly since Namjoon will capitulate and give you whatever you want when you do — a weakness you do not wish to exploit in regards to someone as important as Jin.

“Okay,” you start to say before you choke up.

Namjoon’s face falls. “Hey, hey. Come here,” he says with his arms wide open.

You go to your twin and let him hug you, grateful for his constant, steady presence. He pats your head, smoothing over your hair. You are suddenly reminded of a home video of when you were preschoolers that you used to watch all the time when you went off to university and missed Namjoon.

You took the last mandu and noticed Namjoon — whose head was stuck in a book even then — grabbing blindly with his chopsticks for another one. You looked down at your dumpling and back at Namjoon and then put it back onto the plate for your older brother to take. When he finally nabbed that elusive mandu, he plopped it into your bowl without even once looking up.

You stared at the proffering for a few stunned moments. A dimpled grin broke over your face and you leaned in to kiss Namjoon on the cheek. He blushed and tilted his head to knock into yours fondly. You bit the mandu in half and gave him the rest, to his great surprise and joy.

It is one of your favorite memories.

You wonder why your brain thought to supply your hurting heart with that soothing balm but are too weary to connect the dots. Instead you squeeze Namjoon one more time and say, “Goodnight, Joonie.”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he replies and kisses you on the crown of your head. “We’ll chat in the morning, okay?”

“Okay.”

You try to shush your already overactive brain as you get ready for bed but it is uncooperative. You send Jin a number of texts checking on him and worrying about him, but he does not respond. Your brain is also uncooperative at not freaking out about that, too.

Here’s the thing. It’s not that you think your friends are wrong exactly. You definitely think they’re onto something about Jin being in love with Namjoon.

You’ve seen all the pristine copies of your brother’s romance novels on Jin’s shelves and how he glows with pride whenever Namjoon goes on and on about some esoteric art thing or other. You notice the way the tips of Jin’s ears flush red when Namjoon compliments or thanks Jin for taking care of him all the time.

You have not, however, allowed yourself until now to think of the possibility that Jin could also be in love with you.

You do not want to believe it.

Yoongi is right.

The whole situation is messy.

Regardless of who loves who back, you and Namjoon are due for some hard and honest conversations about what it means to be in love with the same man. As your mind runs itself ragged over all the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios, you briefly allow yourself a moment to consider what you would ideally want.

You fall asleep and dream of mandu.

9.

“You’re a coward,” Namjoon says to himself.

Part of him feels as if he should defend himself — that he’s being too self-critical — but he has no defense. Otherwise, why would he be sneaking out of his house before you’re awake with only a text about how he forgot about a meeting with his agent — which isn’t untrue, exactly — even though he promised to discuss the whole Jin situation today?

And then, well, he just loses track of time.

He loses track of time on various Berkeley trails which happen to have spotty cellular service. When he finally comes back to civilization, he purposely turns off his phone and buys a ticket for “Everything Everywhere All At Once,” the latest movie you had reviewed — the one with Michelle Yeoh — and just lets the visuals and ideas overwhelm his senses as tears run down his face in the dark.

After the movie, he has so many thoughts and feelings that he heads to his favorite cafe and spends hours journaling and purging all the big ideas swirling around in his brain until closing. He grabs a sandwich and a drink and then drives up to Grizzly Peak and parks, content to watch the city lights of the Bay Area from the hood of his car.

Namjoon doesn’t know why he’s in such a mood.

Okay, that is a lie. He knows.

Namjoon is in love with Jin. He has never known a time without Jin being in his life, and Namjoon doesn’t know when his love for the older man changed from that of a younger brother to that of a man in love with another man.

Jin was there when Namjoon was figuring out his identity and coming to terms with being gay. Jin was there when Namjoon came out to his parents, who thanks to Jin coming out a few years prior, were pretty fucking awesome for Korean parents. Jin was there for Namjoon’s first heartbreak and first Grindr adventures. Jin was everything to Namjoon.

Jiniseverything.

Except, Namjoon knows Jin is not everything to just him and he is afraid.

Who falls in love with the same man as their twin and then shares him? Is that incestuous? Is that not just asking for trouble? What happens if they — in any configuration — do not last? Will Namjoon not only lose Jin — will he lose you, too?

He wants so much — but it seems impossible. He cannot see a way out.

10.

“You’re avoiding me, Joonie,” you say a few days later. You know it isn’t fair to corner him before he’s had his coffee but desperate times and all that.

Namjoon’s eyes shift guiltily. “I —” You cut your eyes at him and he quickly changes tack. “I am,” he admits.

“I want you to be happy,” you say. “And I want me to be happy — and most of all, I want Jin to be happy.”

Namjoon nods. “I know.”

“But, I don’t think any of us actually are.”

Namjoon nods again.

“I know you love him. That you’ve loved him for a long time — maybe longer than I have — in that way, I mean,” you start.

“Is that what we’re calling it? ‘In that way’?” your brother chuckles gently. “You sure you’re ready for this conversation?” he adds in that low rumble of his.

You’re not at all ready but you know you must and so you forge ahead. “Maybe we need soju,” you say.

“In vino veritas?”

“Something like that.”

“It’s 8:42 in the morning,” Namjoon observes.

“And your point? Isn’t that the best part about being freelance writers? We do whatever the fuck we want,” you reason.

“Should we get brunch then?”

You pause. There are merits to being in public: much less chance of making a scene in the event of a major disagreement. (Not that either of you are prone to making scenes.) However, the conversation feels too intimate, too vulnerable. You are worried people will overhear and judge.

“What if people overhear us?” you ask.

Your brother shrugs. “Who the fuck are they to me?”

He does have a point. “Very well. Let’s go get me some Bellinis and avocado toast.”

“You are such a fucking millennial.”

“We’re literally twins.”

“And yet, you choose to consume something as revolting as the avocado. Like, why do you even like it? It makes me mad,” Namjoon rants.

“I am aware,” you reply, a smile ghosting your lips. “And yet, it’s still delicious.”

“You like mint chocolate chip ice cream, too. Like, just eat toothpaste already.”

“Are you done?”

“No, I’m just getting started,” Namjoon gripes. “But I suppose you already know my arguments — though you remain a heathen.”

“It’s not my fault your arguments aren’t sound,” you rejoin. “You have no taste.”

The two of you bicker good-naturedly until you hit your favorite brunch spot. It briefly occurs to you that perhaps you should have chosen a new place in case today’s conversation doesn’t go well, but you are determined to be optimistic. You are sure you and your brother can be brave and honest for once about Jin.

“Did you want to start?” Namjoon asks after the server has taken your order.

You look at Namjoon carefully. You know how your brother is. He tends to yield to your wants and needs because he takes those seven minutes he has on you very seriously. He’s sweet that way and so you say, “No. I want to know what you really think and want without it being colored by what I want.”

Namjoon frowns. “I’m not spineless.”

“I didn’t say you were, Joonie,” you assuage. “You are kind and thoughtful and considerate and you want me to be happy even when it’s to your detriment.” You reach out to squeeze his hand. “I want to honor your wants and desires, too, Joonie. You are important to me.”

Namjoon flushes a little and toys with his utensils. He inhales a deep calming breath and you think anew that your brother is a good man. It is ironic that even though he clearly doesn’t want to go first, he is doing so out of deference to you wanting to defer to him. It’s convoluted but that’s how you two are sometimes.

“I love him, Y/N,” Namjoon says. He squirms and plays with the silver rings adorning his long fingers. “And it’s hard for me to talk about this because I think Jin knows — but he actually loves you — and I’m in the way.”

“How could you possibly be in the way?” you ask.

He huffs. “Because I’m so obvious. He must know that I love him and he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you reply brusquely. “You would never be in the way. As if you could possibly prevent Jin from doing whatever he wanted. If he hasn’t made a move on me, it’s because he doesn’t want to make a move on me.”

“Well, then by your logic, that must also mean he doesn’t want to make a move on me,” Namjoon replies.

“Oh,” you say as your face falls. “True.”

You sip on your Bellini as Namjoon sips on his Americano.

“But what if —” you start then stop. You gather your courage. “What if he does love you? And he is afraid that you do not love him back?”

“That’s not the case —”

“I didn’t say it was fact — just a hypothetical.” You are determined. “What if he does love you? Or if not love, is interested in dating you?”

Namjoon sips his Americano again for something to do. Longing and pain cross your twin’s handsome features. “I — I don’t know.”

“Why wouldn’t you be with him if you could be?” you press.

“But what about you?”

“What about me?” you lob back. “We’re talking about you. I’m a big girl. If Jin doesn’t love me back, I would be sad, but I would get over it. And I would be happy for you.”

“Would you though? How could you not hate me?” Namjoon asks.

“If it were reversed, would you hate me?”

“Of course not.”

“Well, then. Of course I would not hate you,” you say.

Namjoon shakes his head. “As if it is that simple.”

“Why can’t it be that simple?” You shrug. “I don’t know if that means I don’t love Jin enough, or love you more than I love Jin, or that it means something else altogether.” You pause as the server brings your avocado toast and Namjoon’s chicken fried steak. “It’s everything all at once, I guess.”

“Like the movie?” Namjoon jokes.

“I guess. Kinda.”

“How so?”

“Well, take for instance Yoongi’s theory that Jin is actually in love with both of us,” you say as you vigorously try to attack the avocado toast. You briefly wonder why they can’t do you a solid and pre-slice the bread and then you remember that you have hands and can just lift the toast to your mouth.

“A spurious theory, but okay,” says Namjoon, “I’ll play along.”

“Why can’t he love us both? Maybe that’s what has prevented him from doing anything about it all these years — he doesn’t know who to choose. But why does he have to choose if we both love him back?” you muse. “Why can’t we be open to all the possibilities?”

Namjoon looks distinctly uncomfortable. “Isn’t that like borderline incest?”

You put down your silverware. “Look, some twins or siblings are okay with having threesomes with varying levels of sexual contact between them. I am not one of those people.”

“I didn’t think you would be, but I’m glad we’re on the same page for that.”

“Well, I’m glad incest is off the table,” you crack.

“So then, what? We share Jin as a boyfriend? How does that even work? You have him on even days and I have him on odd days?” wonders Namjoon.

“He’s a person, not property. And I’m sure we’d figure it out so no one feels left out or neglected — but don’t we already do that?” you ask. “Wouldn’t it sort of be like it is now except with the additional element of sex?”

“Would it be an open relationship? Are we polyfidelitous?”

“I would not want to date other people, and I think I would be upset if Jin dated someone other than you. If you want to date other people, that would be something you and Jin discuss, right? Like, I would be okay with that since I’m not dating you. But you would have to use protection since obviously, what you do affects me.”

You shake your head. This is a little more complicated than you originally thought, but it doesn’t seem disastrous yet.

“I don’t want to date anyone other than Jin,” Namjoon says. “And I would also not like it if Jin dated anyone other than you.”

“He’s like that last mandu: if we’re lucky, he’ll let us both eat him.” You snort all of a sudden. “I don’t think this is what eomma and appa meant when they told us to share.”

“I suppose not,” laughs Namjoon. “Their own fault for not being more specific.”

You and Namjoon laugh for longer than his quip warrants, but you are just relieved that the conversation is proceeding as you had hoped.

“I guess all that remains is talking to Jin and seeing what he wants?” you mention finally.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Namjoon’s face immediately turns serious. “That would probably be easier to do if he was returning any of my calls or texts.”

“Same,” you reply. And then, you have an idea.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Namjoon raises an eyebrow. “You don’t need to. What sort of diabolical plan is going through your head right now, Y/N?”

“Don’t you think it’s time we paid imo a visit?”

Namjoon just shakes his head. “No fair using the man’s own mother against him.”

“You want us to get our man or not, Joonie?”

For the first time in a while, Namjoon seems lighter. You are hopeful that once you talk to Jin — even if the outcome is that he loves neither of you romantically — that at least you can all move on, whatever that looks like.

You are confident (perhaps unwarrantedly) that the three of you will navigate this new phase. After all, did you not all survive the horror that was Jin in his Nickelback phase? You shudder at the memory. Surely if your relationships emerged through that time of tribulation mostly unscathed, you could withstand anything.

11.

“Eomma!” Jin calls as he enters his parents’ house.

“I’m in the kitchen,” his mother calls back, “and what did I say about yelling in the house?”

Jin resists the urge to roll his eyes, hugging and kissing his mother instead. “Yes, eomma,” he says obediently.

He watches his mother putter around, washing and cutting fruit for the table. His mother has gone all out. The table is full of banchan, buchujeon, gimbap, and gamja jorim.

He narrows his eyes. “Eomma, why is there so much food? I thought you wanted me to come over for something urgent. You said something about a leak?”

“Ah, Seokjin-ah,” his mother says as she pats his cheek. “Turns out I just didn’t turn the faucet tight enough.”

Jin’s suspicions are immediately roused. “I told you I don’t want you to set me up with any more of your friend’s kids, eomma. I’m not interested.”

She cuts him a sly glance and he is not reassured. “Oh, I have a feeling you won’t mind so much.”

He gears himself to leave even though that would be unconscionably rude to his mother. He still hasn’t recovered from when Yoongi ambushed him about you and Namjoon. Every time Jin closes his eyes, he sees the revulsion on both your faces and thus, he has done the cowardly thing and refuses to answer any of his friends’ texts or well-meaning calls.

Jin just doesn’t have it in him to deal with his mother and the poor sap she and her friends have roped into this situation.

“Imo, are we late? We brought samgyeopsal from that place you like!”

Jin’s stomach drops when he hears your bright and cheerful voice. It takes all his self-control to stay put and not immediately flee.

“You’re right on time, Y/N,” his mother answers. “I’m almost done and then I’m off to the movies with Yoongi’s mother.”

“What did you do, eomma?” Jin hisses. He is so close to snapping that he cannot control himself.

His mother stops in her tracks and turns to him. “Jinnie, I want you to know that you are a good son.” The look on her face is strangely kind. “I love every part of you — even the parts you think you have to hide because you worry that your appa and I won’t approve.”

Jin feels unexpectedly naked. His parents are uncommonly supportive and he knows he is so very, very lucky. “Eomma,” he chokes out. “What — what brought this on?”

His mother hugs him right when you and Namjoon enter the kitchen. She whispers, “Follow your heart, Jinnie. You are so full of love — it’s about time you get all the love you deserve, too.”

Then she pats him on the cheek and heads to give you and Namjoon hugs of your own.

“Be good, children,” she says as she unties and then hangs up her apron. She winks at Jin and then she’s gone.

Jin swallows. He cannot bring himself to properly greet either of you. He notes that you and Namjoon have picked up on his distress and are now unsure of how to greet him.

“Jin? Are you okay?” you ask.

“I’m fine,” he wheezes. “I — what are you doing here?”

Namjoon’s eyes flick nervously to you. “Don’t be mad, Jinnie,” he cajoles. “It was Y/N’s idea — and you know how I can’t say ‘No’ to her.”

“Traitor,” you scowl. “And why would Jinnie be mad?” you brazen. “He should be ecstatic that he gets to see us on an unexpected Saturday afternoon after being deprived of our company for — what is it now? Three weeks?”

Namjoon sends Jin an apologetic shrug.

“I was busy,” Jin rasps. “I have a life without you, you know.”

“But what a sad life that is, Jinnie,” you snark. “We’re the twin stars of your life: your Pollux and Castor, your Kiki and Lala.”

“I have no idea who those people are,” Jin sighs.

Namjoon laughs, his dimples out in devastating force. “How do you still not know? Y/N tells this joke all the time.”

“You think I listen to her? She talks so much!” Jin throws back, grateful for the familiar rhythm.

“Why are you both so mean to me? Just for that, I’m eating all the pork belly.” You pout and Jin’s heart catches.

“As if that’s anything new,” Jin says. “I’ve known you your whole damn life and not once have you not hogged all the samgyeopsal.”

Namjoon holds out a fist for a bump and Jin is again grateful for the normalcy. He does not know how long it will last, but he will take it. The three of you bicker and settle into familiar beats as you all start digging into the bounty before you.

When you all have eaten your fill — and you indeed hoard all the pork belly — the prickling unease returns with a vengeance and he can sense the hidden agenda from a mile away. Jin doesn’t know how to deal and so he decides that he cannot live this half-life any longer.

“Either of you want to tell me what the hell this is all about?” he utters hoarsely. “Not that I’m not happy to see you.”

Namjoon snorts. “Right. You seem real happy about it.”

“It’s the second ambush in a month so you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t seem thrilled.” Jin doesn’t mean for his words to come out so bitter, but his tongue moves of its own accord.

He is so tired.

“We’re in love with you,” you and Namjoon say at the same time.

“What?” Of all the things he expects to hear, that is not it, and especially not in stereo.

“We’re both in love with you,” Namjoon repeats. “And we hope that you love us, too?”

“You don’t have to,” you add hastily. “You can love or not love whomever you wish — in whatever configuration you choose — but if you happen to also love us — like romantically, not like your annoying but favorite siblings — we would be very much okay with that, too.”

Jin is trying to follow your logic the best he can. He fails. “What?”

“We’re in love with you, Jin,” Namjoon says again. “And if you want to be with us, either individually or as a two for one special, or not at all, we just want you to know. You deserve to know.”

“Jesus, Joon. We’re not a BOGO,” you grumble.

Your brother giggles nervously. “I mean, we kind of are?”

“We’re not carbon copies — we’re our own people!” you protest.

Namjoon hugs and shushes you. “Let’s not get off topic, Y/N,” he gently insists.

You blush and nod agreeably.

Jin still has not caught up. He cannot believe his ears. “Is this your idea of a joke?”

Your face shatters. “No, Jinnie. We —”

“Is this a prank or some sort of fucked up test to make sure I’m not some sleazebag?” Jin checks. “This seems beyond the pale, even for you two.” Jin does not know why he is so angry except that he is. “This is cruel.”

Jin doesn’t register that he has stood up, his fists clenched.

“Please, Jin,” Namjoon begs. “Please hear us out.”

Namjoon seems as if he’s trying very hard not to cry — which makes no sense. Why would Namjoon be upset if he’s the one pranking Jin?

Jin reluctantly sits back down and jerks his chin in acknowledgment. He banks his panic until a more appropriate time.

“I love you, Jin,” says Namjoon, voice trembling. “I have loved you all my life and I cannot say when it changed from that of a younger brother to that of a man who loves a man.”

Namjoon’s voice is deep and serious — more serious than Jin has ever heard him.

“You taught me what it means to love and to love wholeheartedly and generously. You showed me how I deserve to be treated — like I’m the most precious person in the whole world.” Namjoon flushes crimson. “You see me, Jin. And I see you and love you.”

“You’re confused,” stutters Jin. “If I’m all you’ve known — you must be mistaken. You’ll fall in love for real one day and — and —” Jin’s voice breaks. He doesn’t know how to continue.

“I’m 29 years old, hyung,” Namjoon says firmly. “I think I’m experienced enough to know what I want and I want you. I’ve wanted you for a very long time. I would be yours if you would have me.”

Jin wants to scream. Namjoon says he loves him and yet his brain still balks. Perhaps now is the appropriate time to panic.

“This is a lot to take in,” he screeches instead. Jin’s entire body feels too hot and sweaty. If you are going to add your erroneous declarations of love, he does not know what he will do.

“Me, too,” you pipe up. “I may have loved you seven minutes fewer than Namjoon, but I also love you and am in love with you.”

“I —”

“You make me feel safe, Jin,” you say. “You accept me for who I am — even when I wreck all your plans and try your patience. You are my heart’s greatest wish and I want to be your safe place, Jinnie. I want to love you in the way you deserve. I want to make you happy.”

It’s too much.

Jin is not someone who likes to deal with emotions. He far prefers the zen of an empty head and coasts along blissfully in the present even when it comes to his deepest desires. He does not dwell. He does not allow himself the privilege of considering what he really wants.

Jin wants to cry and he hates it. He hates this feeling. He does not trust the way his heart surges at the prospect of his greatest wish coming true. He does not trust himself. He does not trust the two of you.

“I — I’m not sure what you want me to do with this information,” Jin muddles out.

“We want you to do whatever you want,” you say tentatively. “We just want you to know that in case you do return some of our feelings, that we are okay with you dating us both or only one of us or even not at all.”

“Is this a test?”

“Why do you keep asking us if it’s a test?” asks Namjoon. “What could we possibly be testing you for?”

“I don’t know,” Jin exasperates. “Like, some weird convoluted way to see who I love more or to see if I’m some dirty old man who wants to enact some freaky twin fantasy.”

“Oh, um, no threesomes, please,” you clarify quickly. “I — Joon — I mean, we’re not comfortable with that — if that’s okay.”

“But you’re both okay with me having sex with you individually,” Jin grits out. He ignores the way his gut kicks at the idea of sex with either of you individually.

The two of you nod and then, as if you both realize he needs verbal confirmation, say “yes” in sync. It’s a little disconcerting but if he’s honest, this entire afternoon has been disconcerting.

Jin glares at the two of you and can only hear the rush of the blood to his head. Perhaps his body has already gone ahead with the panicking.

“What, I’m just another thing you share between the two of you? Neither of you have found someone you really love so you’re settling for me and then, what? Decided to share because it’s convenient?” Jin doesn’t know where that thought comes from but now that it’s out, he realizes with a start that he really is worried about such a happenstance.

“Of course not, Jin,” you reply, sounding wounded. “You’re a person. You’re not a thing. And also, we have options!”

“Says the perpetually single person,” he digs.

“Single by choice,” you retort, eyes watery. “Don’t be mean. Just because you don’t want me doesn’t mean it’s because I don’t have other people wanting to be with me.”

“Besides,” adds Namjoon. “We could accuse you of the same thing if you choose to date us. Maybe you like the flex of bagging twins — one of each gender, at that. Don’t think Y/N and I haven’t received offers. People are gross.”

Jin flinches. “And am I one of those gross people to you? If I were to want both of you, would I be disgusting?” His voice hitches and Jin hates himself for a moment.

“I think it would depend on why you would want us,” Namjoon replies carefully. “Would you want us because we’re twins or because you want us as individuals? Like, you want us as separate people first and foremost — the fact that we’re twins is incidental?”

You are equally as careful when you add, “It’s okay if you have a fantasy of fucking twins — we don’t judge. If that’s something you want, it’s what you want — but we can’t be that for you.”

“I — I don’t want that,” he scrapes out. “I would never make y— anyone — do something they didn’t want to do.”

Jin doesn’t know why he is still acting as if he is not in love with you both. All he knows is that he cannot bear to meet either of your gazes. He cannot comprehend why — when he is on the cusp of everything he has ever hoped for — why he is being so willfully obstinate.

Silence permeates his childhood kitchen.

All Jin can think of is countless meals and homework sessions with you two squeezed into this very same nook. He wonders if his kitchen table is where he fell in love with each of you — you for your stubborn vibrancy and Namjoon for his steady contemplation. This is where he witnessed the love you had for one other and found his soul deeply yearning to be part of it.

Jin startles when he realizes that it is still the case. From the outside, the mutual love and adoration between you and Namjoon makes a person yearn to be let in — to share in that bubble of affection and tenderness.

He startles again when he realizes that he has already been let in — that he is already included — and you two are inviting him in deeper.

Jin is a fool.

You and Namjoon love him. You and Namjoon are in love with him. You and Namjoon want to make a life with him — both separately and together — and he is bungling it.

He realizes that you and Namjoon have been quietly observing him as his life is flashing through his mind.

“I —” he starts and then stops. He shakes his head to clear it. “I’m an idiot.”

“Care to be more specific?” you question dryly.

He supposes your tone is warranted. “I’m in love with you, too,” he says, cutting to the chase. “I love you both — individually and collectively. I — I can’t remember not loving either of you. It’s all of a piece.” He pauses, gathering his wits. “It’s just that I’ve spent so long telling myself that what I want is greedy at best and disgusting at worst —”

“You’re not greedy or disgusting,” Namjoon interrupts. “You are valid.”

Jin chortles. He is amazed he can still chortle after the rollercoaster of emotions he’s had today. “Yes, Namjoon. I gave you that same talk if you recall.”

“Well, then, stop it. I don’t like it when you say negative things about yourself.”

A rush of fondness sweeps through Jin. “I appreciate the sentiment, Namjoon. I really do. And also, I’m trying to explain where I’m coming from.”

“Sorry,” Namjoon mumbles. “Please continue.”

“Look, I’m not saying I care what society says about me and my sexual proclivities. And, I am still a product of society. As if the poly thing weren’t already against the social norm, I was lusting after twins!”

“So it’s just a physical attraction, huh?” you joke. “To be honest, same.”

Jin feels heat flare in his ears and travel down his neck into his chest. He knows you’re teasing but the idea of you finding him physically desirable stokes a dormant beast.

Namjoon tuts. “Y/N,” he reproves. “Stop distracting him.”

You stick your tongue out. “Stop being such a stick in the mud. I don’t know why it has to be so serious.”

“Anyway,” Jin says, clearing his throat, “it just felt unnecessarily complicated and taboo. It seemed too much to hope for. Too much to surmount.”

“Look at you,” you coo. “Using so many big words today.”

“You’re an ass,” Jin rejoins.

“But I’m your ass,” you try. “And now you can get some of this ass, too.”

Jin is in flames.

“Y/N!” cries Namjoon. “Ease up a bit — Jesus. No fair flirting before we’ve discussed boundaries. You think I don’t have a bunch of risqué bon mots waiting in the wings? I’m a romance and erotic fiction writer, for fuck’s sake!”

“Wait — you write erotic fiction?” Jin asks.

“How do you not know this? You said you’ve loved all my books!”

Jin winces. “And I do!” he insists, his voice pitching higher than he likes. “Nowhere have I actually stated that I’ve read them? They’re not mutually exclusive?”

You narrow your eyes at him and Jin feels as if he’s an insect pinned to a board. “Have you ever read any of our work?”

“I mean, define read?” he squawks.

“You’re really something else,” you sigh. You wave an imperious hand. “Fine, fine, fine. Please, do continue with your heartfelt confession of how much you love and want to bang us.”

“I — I think I’m done,” Jin huffs. “The moment has passed.”

“Hmmmph.”

“This is all so terribly scripted, but I suppose that’s to be expected in real life,” Namjoon observes.

“Sorry we’re not witty enough to be in one of your novels, Joonie,” you quip. “Though I confess, my professional pride is hurt.”

“You’ve literally written entire sections of my books for me when I’ve been stuck,” snipes Namjoon. “Do better.”

“Yeah? I’m still waiting for my royalties to roll in. Maybe I’ll sue.”

Jin is just fine with the attention being off of his dereliction of reading duties, but he’s not quite sure where the three of you are at. He sucks it up and re-enters the conversation.

“So, not to be the one reeling it back in all the time, but are we good? Are we a thing? Not a thing? A kinda thing?”

“Yes,” you and Namjoon chorus.

Jin resists th

Author:vyduan
Pairing: Kim Namjoon | Reader, Kim Taehyung | Reader
Genre: angst, idolverse, exes, friends to lovers, slow burn, canon compliant, smut
Word Count: 7.7k+
Rating: Explicit, 18+
Warnings:swearing, legal use of cannabis and alcohol, racialized language, kissing

Summary: “Promise you won’t get mad,” said Alton. 

You leveled a pair of guarded eyes at your dear friend. “I promise no such thing.

~~~~~~

WeightlessMasterlist [IN PROGRESS]:01|02|03|04|05|06|07|08 | 09 | 10 | Epilogue | AO3

“Her” Series Masterlist
For more of my fics, here is my Masterlist.

Chapter 8

Ha-joon — I don’t know how you did it, man. I’ve been here a week and we’re going to starve. I had to buy a new house because we’re worthless and spoiled and cannot get our lives together. Why didn’t you tell me you were doing all the cooking and cleaning? If you ever decide you need a change in career, there will always be a place in my organizations for a logistics and solutions king such as yourself.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Baek Ha-joon, June 2022

Forced Y/N into all sorts of outside and physical activities. I think your sister hates me. Actually, I know she does because she tells me at least ten times a day. This is awesome.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Mattie L/N, June 2022

Please take lots of videos and send them to me. Ohohohoh make her go hiking and visit museums. She despises nature and art.
- Text from Mattie L/N to Alton Kuang, June 2022

HALP I’M GONNA MURDER ALTON HE’S THE WORST HE MAKES ME GO OUTSIDE YOU KNOW I DON’T BELIEVE IN WATER OR THE SUN OR ART
- Text from Y/N L/N to Mattie L/N, June 2022

On a scale of 1 to nuclear, how upset do you think your sister would be if I threw her a surprise birthday party?
- Text from Alton Kuang to Mattie L/N, July 2022

You really like skating right up to the edge of death, don’t you? I’m in.
- Text from Mattie L/N to Alton Kuang, July 2022

You are cordially invited to a surprise party celebrating Y/N’s 29th birthday on the weekend of August 26-28 in Malibu, CA. Details to come.
- Text from Alton Kuang to various friends and family of Y/N L/N, July 2022

STFU HAS Y/N BEEN IN LA THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

Um, no?
- Text from Alton Kuang to Ellie Poon, July 2022

All men do is lie, huh?
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

Is she okay?
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

She’d be better if you showed up for her surprise party. ;)
- Text from Alton Kuang to Ellie Poon, July 2022

Does this shit actually work on people?
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

You tell me.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Ellie Poon, July 2022

I’ll need a larger sample size. 
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

Oh, I have a larger sample size.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Ellie Poon, July 2022

So predictable. Pics or it didn’t happen.
- Text from Ellie Poon to Alton Kuang, July 2022

August 2022

“Promise you won’t get mad,” said Alton.

You leveled a pair of guarded eyes at your dear friend. “I promise no such thing.”

“Ok, fair. But like, hear me out before you go ballistic,” he replied, both hands held out placatingly.

You tilted your head in a wary prompt.

“So, I wanted it to be a surprise but then it occurred to me that you hate surprises — except it’s a little too late and uh —”

“What did you do, Alton?”

“Happy Birthday, Jiě,” your brother said as he popped into the kitchen.

Before you could register his presence, Ellie, Sarah, and Angela followed in his wake and screamed variations of “Happy Birthday, you sexy bitch!” As if that wasn’t already somewhat overwhelming, the next thing you knew, Danny, your best friend from high school, strolled in, too.

“Surprise?” Alton threw out weak jazz hands and seemed very unsure.

If you were honest, you weren’t particularly pleased about the sudden influx of people in Alton’s kitchen. Even though you loved them dearly, they all knew you a little too well to let you hide effectively. Guilt crashed through you as you acknowledged that you had a lot to answer for — especially to your girlfriends who all lived in the area.

You wanted to scream. Instead, because you loved your brother and your friends, you acquiesced into the role expected from you. You screamed, “Oh my god!” You opened your arms wide. You embraced your loved ones tight and long.

You lied with every molecule of your being.

———

Ellie exhaled an impressive amount of smoke considering it was from a vape pen. You idly admired her lung capacity.

“When did you start vaping?” you asked. “I didn’t know you needed the nicotine hit.”

Ellie chuckled. “Oh, you darling. I’m vaping weed, honey.”

You tried to be cool. “Oh,” you gulped.

You were no longer in Korea and though you had known people who smoked marijuana during college, you had never been tempted to try it. The idea of getting high and losing control had seemed anathema even then. When you tried to reason out on how it was any different than how you now used alcohol, you came up at a loss. But either way, you’d been in Taiwan and Korea where cannabis was highly illegal. You did not fuck with it.

“I know you’re judging me,” she said, still staring over your balcony and down at the pool instead of looking at you directly. “It helps me chill the fuck out — you know how I get anxious.”

“Ah,” you grunted.

“It got really bad after Ryan left me.”

“Fuck, Ellie. I’m sorry.” Guilt flooded your brain. You were the worst of friends.

She took another hit. “Just another casualty of COVID,” Ellie cracked. “Apparently, I was a workaholic and emotionally unavailable.”

“He’s a fool.”

“He wasn’t wrong. I did work too much and was emotionally unavailable.” She sighed. “Nothing like being forced in your husband’s presence 24/7 to make you realize that you’ve grown apart and that one of you no longer wants to try and work things out.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Ellie,” you said. “I’m sorry you had to go through such a hard thing alone.”

“You had your own problems.” Ellie was far too gracious.

The two of you sat in silence as the sun continued setting and the sky slowly darkened.

“Does it work? You don’t feel too high to function or out of control?”

“You know those times when your brain is just a bundle of anxiety and useless and you have to wait until the voices quiet so you can finally think?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s like that. Antidepressants made me feel too wonky and I hated it so I tried cannabis instead. You’ll have to figure out what works best for you — or if it’s not your bag — but it’s been the only reason I could make it through the day sometimes.” Ellie passed you the vape pen. “Wanna try? I know having us here has been hard for you.”

“I love having you all here,” you protested.

“Hmmmm,” she hummed. “They can both be true.”

You stared at the innocuous looking pen. You’d vaped regular e-cigarettes before — was this really any different? “Is it going to make me hungry all the time?”

She laughed. “Maybe. But more likely you’ll get super horny.”

“Hungry for that dick, huh?”

“At least you live with Alton. He looks like he’d be more than happy to help you with that.”

“You know we’re not like that, Ellie.”

“He bought you a Lamborghini for your birthday. I don’t know what you’re like.”

“Not like how you’re implying, s’all.” It had been too long without Ellie in your life. You’d forgotten the roundabout way she could be sometimes; you connected the dots. “He’s all yours. Don’t break his heart too badly.”

“The only thing I plan on breaking is his bed,” she retorted. “I don’t know how you’ve been able to resist him all these months. Like, I get before — you were with Namjoon. But now? I would have been on his dick as soon as he arrived in LA.”

“I could barely get out of bed when Alton got here,” you said. “Now he’s the source of all my pain and suffering. His dick is the last thing on my mind.”

Ellie snorted in disbelief.

“It’s true. You know he’s making me take surfing lessons with him?” You took a pull from your beer. “He makes me go on hikes and then roped me into playing beach volleyball with him and some of his bros. All that salt and sun — I have had to spend a fortune on skin care.”

“Remember when you used to start off every morning writing morning pages?” Ellie asked, abruptly changing the subject.

“You mean when I’d write three pages of crap every morning? I recall hating it,” you remarked. You were not sure where this was going.

“I decided to try it this last year. You might want to take it back up,” she said. “You seem near to bursting with words you refuse to say.”

“I don’t understand what you mean,” you replied, stomach dropping.

“You keep so much inside now — it’s not good for your health,” she replied sadly. Ellie stood up, brushing her clothes absentmindedly. “I know you don’t want us to worry — and perhaps your thoughts aren’t coherent enough to speak out loud. But morning pages might help when the voices are on loop or the lies in your head get too loud.”

“What would I even write about?”

“Whatever you want, Y/N. There are no rules except that you fill three pages.” Ellie bent over and wrapped you in a tight hug. “I love you, roomie.”

Your throat constricted. “Love you, too.”

She slid open the balcony door to your room.

“You forgot your pen,” you called after her.

“Keep it, babe. You seem to need it more than I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sometimes the idea of a multiverse is comforting. Out of my infinite versions, surely there exists a me who is happy. Other times, the thought that there are countless iterations who are just as — if not worse off — I can’t breathe.”
-Y/N L/N, Twitter (April 2026)

April 2026

“You know it’s not true, right?” asked Taehyung.

You froze in the doorway.

“What’s not true? That the musical parts of me are broken? I think I would know.”

Taehyung carefully gentled his voice. “The part about you letting your father die. You didn’t abandon him.” He refrained from going to you. You did not seem as if you’d appreciate his touch. “He made his choices.”

“I abandoned him.”

“You freed yourself,” he insisted. “You’re right: he wasn’t a monster. But your father, the man, was killing you.”

Even from several feet away, he could see you tremble as you turned back to face him.

“It was just money. Let’s not overdramatize.” You sounded so mean and Taehyung almost flinched.

“What would have happened if you were beholden to the Lau family in your father’s stead, noona? Alton hyung told me —”

“Since when do you talk to Alton?”

“You think he just lets anyone stay at his home with you? You’d think Yoongi hyung and I were common criminals with the way he investigated us.”

Taehyung never wanted to go through such an experience ever again. He shuddered at the memory of Alton’s congenial demeanor as he had threatened Taehyung with utmost and complete destruction should either of them harm you. Even the unflappable Yoongi hyung had seemed rattled. Either that or he’d been aroused. Taehyung wasn’t sure which would’ve been more disturbing.

“At any rate, hyung said that the entire family was dangerous — especially their youngest son. Hyung’d said that he was a known abuser of women and had been uncommonly obsessed with you.”

“I would’ve handled it,” you replied.

Taehyung wasn’t so sure about that. “Maybe,” he acceded. “But at what cost to yourself?”

Your hands tightened into hard fists. “We’ll never know,” you grated out.

“Thank you for telling me, noona,” he said, attempting to mollify you. That, and he really was grateful. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“You can tell Yoongi,” you replied. “I — I don’t know that I can say it again.”

“Okay,” he replied. He decided he would ask if you wanted a hug. “Noona, could I hug you?”

“I — I don’t think I can handle that right now, Tae,” you said, voice tiny. At his disappointment, you added, “I appreciate you asking, though.”

“Of course, noona,” Taehyung said. “You know we love you so very much, right?”

You gave him a curt nod and left him alone in the kitchen. Taehyung tried not to feel discouraged or wonder how he was to act as if he were in love with you — let alone enact the love scenes — if you couldn’t even let him hug you.

———

“When blips think they’re mains. Oh, bebe. A vague subtweet is the best you can aspire to.”
- Y/N L/N, Twitter (May 2026)

May 2026

“Do you want to go home?” Taehyung inquired in your ear as he slid next to where you stood by the outdoor bar, noting only that the white man speaking to you bristled when Taehyung’s fingers possessively grazed your bare arms. It always amused Taehyung how differently secure and insecure men reacted to him.

You shook your head lightly. “Taehyung, this is Gary,” you introduced in English. “Gary, this is Taehyung.”

“Nice to meet you,” Taehyung said in careful English as he extended his hand in the way of westerners.

Gary’s handshake was unnecessarily firm. Poor Gary, so eager to prove his masculinity.

“How do you know Y/N, Taehyung?” Strange how Gary sounded so protective and oddly clingy.

“We work together,” Taehyung said, sticking to the agreed upon script.

Though you had assured him that your college friend, an Allen Tsao, had only invited your mutual college friends — most of whom were already married and had kids — the longer people didn’t realize who he was, the better. Taehyung was banking on the racist nature of Americans assuming all Asians were the same, though most of your friends from college seemed to be Asian so perhaps this man wouldn’t actually be confused.

Taehyung just hoped that Allen was used to high profile guests due to his occupation of being a movie producer. You had mentioned he was someone to watch, producing edgy indie and Asian American films. It certainly seemed like he was a big deal due to the fact that there was a live trio playing light jazz and pop in the corner of the patio as well as an actual manned bar for a simple backyard party — well, as simple as the backyard of any Malibu mansion could be.

“For the movie?” Gary asked. “You said it starts filming soon?”

“Something like that,” you replied cagily.

Gary seemed on the verge of asking you something but clearly didn’t like the fact that Taehyung was present. Taehyung could always tell who was a social climber or if they had ulterior motives. Gary definitely was one or the other; Taehyung did not like his face.

“Am I in it?” Gary asked, sharp and unsure.

“In what? The movie?”

What a weird question. Oh, unless —

“I have a family now, Y/N,” he said. “I’m an elder in our church.”

Taehyung recognized the way your face pinched in annoyance — you didn’t even bother trying to plaster over it with politeness.

“It’s not an actual biopic, Gary. You weren’t even in the book, why would you be in the movie? Jesus.”

Every bit of you vibrated with irritation. Taehyung suddenly wished Yoongi wasn’t talking to Allen in the corner. Yoongi tended to unruffle your feathers better than most — although perhaps you didn’t need unruffling so much as this man needed a rescue before his imminent death.

“How do you know Allen?” Taehyung interrupted.

Gary seemed startled, as if he’d forgotten Taehyung was still there. “Oh, Allen and I lived in the same dorm in college and we hung out occasionally. A few of our friends overlapped and we hung out a lot more after college.”

“Fascinating,” said Taehyung. “What do you do for work?”

“Ah, I’m between jobs right now. I decided to take some time off to help my wife with our new baby,” replied Gary.

“Oh, congratulations on the new baby! How old are they?” Taehyung asked. He knew how to make polite small talk despite it boring him to tears.

“He’s three next month.”

Fascinating. Before Taehyung could ask some more banal questions, Allen was tapping into the mic, gathering everyone’s attention.

“Hey, everyone! Let’s have a round of applause for my intern and his band, ‘The Rice Rockets’!” Allen paused to let everyone chuckle at the name and then cleared his throat. “As I’m sure you’ve all seen, our very own Y/N L/N is back with us and gracing us with her presence after years away.”

Taehyung sensed your entire body tense as you painted on a good-natured grin and waved.

“It’s been years since we’ve heard you sing — would you grace us with a little something, Y/N?” Allen added.

You flushed and shook both your hands in an obvious attempt to duck this unwelcomed spotlight. Taehyung thought he could see a slight tremor as you fluttered in embarrassment.

“You’re not too good for us now, are you?” Gary asked, voice pitched to carry. “You never used to be so modest.”

Your eyes flashed violence but all you did was smile. “It’s been a long time since I’ve sung anything,” you croaked out. “I would hate to subject anyone to that.”

“Oh, nonsense,” encouraged Allen. “What do you say, everyone? Do we want to hear Y/N?”

The twenty to thirty people in Allen’s backyard cheered and started chanting your name.

Taehyung wanted to reach out and comfort you but he could already tell that you were at maximum tension — he did not know if you would break.

You crooked a wry smile. “Ah, alright. You’ve twisted my arm,” you chortled as if you were secretly pleased. “But don’t blame me if it sucks.”

You sucked in a deep breath and whooshed it out and then sashayed to the makeshift stage, periodically bowing and clowning around. If Taehyung hadn’t just spent a month with you trying to squeeze music out of stone, he would have never known you were likely desperately attempting to seem normal.

You asked for the acoustic guitar from Allen’s intern and bought yourself some time tuning the instrument — as if the man hadn’t just been playing on it. You took one more deep breath and began playing. The notes were incredibly familiar to Taehyung and then you began singing “blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life / you were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

Taehyung watched as you sang in your lower register, your voice husky with disuse and smoke. Though he was angry that you’d been publicly manipulated into singing and playing again, he had missed you. When he snuck a glance at Yoongi, the older man seemed visibly moved — and no small wonder. The song itself was already intimate and moving, but something about your energy imbued it with even more poignancy.

He wanted to cry.

When you finished, you’d bowed and at the whistles for encores, you again tried to wave off. You laughed nervously into the mic. “Unfortunately, I haven’t picked up a guitar in over five years so that will have to do.”

Your friends’ groaned in what Taehyung considered friendly disappointment until he heard Gary’s now familiar voice heckle, “Maybe we’re just unsatisfied because you chose something every beginning guitarist knows!”

A smattering of “fuck off, Gary” and “Jesus” and other disgruntled murmurs peppered the yard.

Allen hovered by the mic, looking as if he was going to rescue you but ultimately, giving you the choice of whether to continue or not.

You sighed and went through the motions of tuning the guitar again, taking the moment to think. “Will John Mayer’s ‘Neon’ suffice, Gary?” You huffed a colorless laugh as you shook your head. “Ah, fuck it.”

Taehyung didn’t recognize the song but he assumed by the rising buzz from the group that it must be difficult.

“Here goes nothing,” you hummed.

You began to play a complicated slap rhythm guitar with syncopated beats and elaborate fingering. It was dizzying and by the whistles of appreciation, your college friends agreed that you were amazing. And then, you started to sing, too.

Taehyung could not understand how you could keep track of all the different rhythms and fingering as well as carry a tune — let alone remember the words. And this was after five years of not touching the guitar? Who knew how long it had been since you’d played this particular song.

Minutes later, the makeshift audience gave you a standing ovation. You bowed with much brandishing, twirling, and exaggerated good cheer and made your way out of the limelight. Taehyung and Yoongi beelined it to you and all seemed well until he took note of your face as Allen was busy making apologies to you about Gary.

“Don’t listen to him, Y/N,” Allen begged. “He’s an ass and we only keep him around out of misplaced nostalgia.”

“Don’t worry about it, Allen,” you assuaged despite you clearly wanting Allen to actually worry about it. “I know it’s an awkward situation. All the same, I’m — I’m going to head out.” At Allen’s protest, you added, “I appreciate the invitation, friend. It was good to see you all.”

It took at least another hour before you could actually leave due to your endless goodbyes, all of them telling you to stay longer.

As it was, the drive home was a stilted silence and by the time the three of you got back to Alton’s home, you were unable even to fake a smile.

You didn’t even say goodnight as you closed the door to your room.

———

“Noona,” Taehyung said as he knocked on your door. “Noona, please come out. It’s been three days. Hyung is worried and I don’t know how long I can keep him from calling Alton hyung.”

He heard some scuffling and shifting weight on your bed. After a few moments, your door cracked open a bit. You looked awful and were wrapped in your blanket despite the heat of the day.

“Noona? Are you okay?”

You shook your head.

“Do you need a hug?”

You winced but nodded. That was all the permission Taehyung needed as he bounded into your room and enveloped you into an embrace that was perhaps erring on the side of too tight but he was a human octopus and you knew that so you knew what you’d been doing when you’d agreed to terms.

Or at least, that’s what Taehyung was hoping would be the case. At any rate, he was hugging you and you were not pushing him away. That seemed to be a good sign.

After an unspecified number of minutes and Taehyung’s arms were starting to cramp, he said, “Noona, don’t take this the wrong way but you need to shower.” At your sputtered indignance, he added, “Not because you smell — well, not only because of that — but because you’ll feel better. Honestly, we’ll all feel better.”

You shoved him lightly. “Rude,” you complained. “I smell delightful because everything about me is a delight and wonderment for all humankind.”

Taehyung only stared at you mournfully. “You learned all that Korean just to what? Spout words that make Seokjin hyung sound modest?”

“My goal is only to make oppa sound reasonable,” you replied, adding in English, “I can do all things through oppa who strengthens me.”

It all sounded vaguely ominous to Taehyung.

“I have no idea what that means,” he admitted after a few beats.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s only funny if you can quote the Bible ironically.”

“I can see why people hate you.” He hoped he wasn’t pushing his luck.

You sighed as if even your bones ached. “Fair.”

Suddenly, you leaned over to remove your sleeping shorts and Taehyung squeaked. “Noona! Wait until I leave first!”

You huffed a bleak little puff of air. “We’re supposed to be fake naked with each other in a few months, Tae. I’m sure I’ll be even less dressed then.”

“But we’ll have an intimacy coach present — and only after we have blocked out the scenes!”

Taehyung did not want any of his members — especially Namjoon hyung — to accuse him of swooping in on your vulnerable state. He would maintain proper decorum because it was the right thing to do. You deserved all the respect — especially after the way your so-called friends had manipulated you the other night.

You stopped and pierced Taehyung with your unfaltering gaze. His insides churned with guilt despite him having done nothing to merit it.

“You’re right, Tae. I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I forget that not everyone wants to see me naked.”

He promptly shoved images of you spread out underneath him out of his mind. Utmost. Respect. “You’re really giving hyung a run for his money, huh?”

You shrugged. “Some days, it’s the only thing giving me purpose.” You sighed again. “Come on, now. Get out and let noona rid herself of this scaly dragon skin and finally emerge a human again. It requires sharp claws and teeth and perhaps may shed some blood.”

“You’re speaking Korean and yet, I don’t understand a single word out of your mouth,” he mused.

“They probably translated Lewis into Korean differently than I phrased it,” you replied.

Despite not knowing who this Lewis person was, Taehyung merely harumphed an acknowledgment as he left your room. It probably was some literary reference that Namjoon would have immediately recognized. Not for the first time did Taehyung feel out of his depth around you. He resigned himself to the fact that it would not be the last.

———

I’m sorry, Yoongi. I hope you at least got the bones of songs for future usage.
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Don’t worry about it. Technically, I have until a few weeks after they’ve finished filming and editing before I have to hand anything in.
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

Then why did you insist on coming out to LA and making me feel bad?
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Free trip to LA. Also, I’m a dick.
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

You were hoping Alton would come out and visit, huh?
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

I don’t know what you’re talking about.
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

I’m depressed not stupid.
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Also, because I’m awesome, he loves it when people talk interior design to him. Like, REALLY likes it.
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Like, wainscoting? Enfilade? Etagere? J-box?
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

Watch your fucking mouth, you heathen. I’m a good girl, I am.
- Text from Y/N L/N to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Anytime you want to watch my fucking mouth, baby. I can make you bad if you want.
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

No quippy rejoinder? That’s what I thought. Coward.
- Text from Min Yoongi to Y/N L/N, June 2026

Hyung, I’m remodeling my spare penthouse. Was debating between trompe l’oeil or coffered ceilings. What are your thoughts?
- Text from Min Yoongi to Alton Kuang, June 2026

Oh? Talk square footage with me, friend.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Min Yoongi, June 2026

Quick. Tell me everything you know about Min Yoongi.
- Text from Alton Kuang to Y/N L/N, June 2026

June 2026

“Noona, I feel like I need to see where you grew up. Walk the streets you walked. Breathe the air you breathed.”

Taehyung didn’t know what quite possessed him to ask you, but ever since the idea seized him one late night as he watched you and Yoongi battle it out morosely over the MIDI, he couldn’t let it go.

You flicked your gaze up at Taehyung, the tightening of your grip on your hot tea your only tell.

“Oh?” you murmured. “I will have to find out from Mattie when my mother will be out of the house. But I suppose I can take you to the country club and you can get in a few rounds of golf.”

Taehyung’s eyes lit up. “Really? I didn’t even know you could play golf, noona!”

“My parents made me take lessons as a kid. I wasn’t very good,” you muttered. “And then Alton made me golf with him so I got better under protest. Let me make some calls.” You paused a bit. “Do you want a tour of UCLA, too? A lot of the dorms have changed but we can do that before we go up north unless you want to wait until we film there on location.”

“Yeah, let’s do it!”

“It will have to be a quick trip, though,” you added. “Filming starts in two weeks.”

“Should I ask my manager to book flights?” he asked.

You pondered for a few moments. “You know what? Let’s drive and help you practice driving stick. Plus, I’ll show you some of California’s famous vistas. We can even play a round at Pebble Beach.”

“Thanks, noona,” Taehyung said, practically bouncing with excitement. “You’re the best.”

“I’m not, but you’ve been a good sport these last few months. It couldn’t have been very much fun.”

“It wasn’t, but Allen and I got along well enough after I made sure he cleared up the misunderstanding with Gary,” Taehyung shared happily. At your furrowed brows, he realized he’d misspoke.

“What did you clear up, Taehyung?” you asked quietly.

Taehyung rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh, uh, just how, you know, it was really shitty of Allen to have put you on the spot like that and then not put Gary in his place.” Taehyung presented you with his best innocent boxy grin. “Allen is a good guy so he apologized more and offered to take me to various places in LA and introduce me to his network. He even volunteered to film future M/Vs at a severe discount so now we’re friends.”

“Allen is a decent person, but he’s definitely always looking out for himself, Taehyung. Be careful,” you warned. “Your network is 100% more powerful than his.”

“I’m a grown up, noona,” he retorted. “You know I have a good vibe check.”

“Hmmmm.”

“Plus, he’s fun and knows all the cool spots in K-town despite not being Korean.”

“Ah, the truth comes out,” you grinned.

“Someone has to take care of me, noona,” he pouted. “You’re always working — either with a trainer, learning choreo, or fighting with hyung about music.”

“Well, Yoongi is back in Seoul so at least you’re spared that,” you replied. “Want to leave tomorrow? If we head out early, we can grab a late lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Berkeley.”

“Sounds good, noona,” Taehyung replied as he headed toward his room.

“Oh, and don’t forget to pack some warmer clothes! June Gloom is a thing in California — especially along the coasts!”

“Yes, mom!” he hollered back, not bothering to hide his laughter at your indignant “Yah! The disrespect!” You sounded like Seokjin the more time passed and it comforted him for some reason.

It was going to be great.

———

It was not great. It wasn’t terrible, either. But it wasn’t great.

It just was… anticlimactic.

But mostly, Taehyung was not prepared for the understated wealth you’d grown up around. He was ridiculously rich now, and still, he was impressed with the house you’d grown up in. It was massive, filled with art and expensive furniture and rugs.

When he asked if your mother would be upset at you entering the house without her, you merely shrugged and said, “It’s technically my house, Taehyung. I certainly pay all the property taxes and utilities.” You drank in your surroundings greedily. “Besides, she can’t possibly hate me more.”

He let the topic drop, content to soak in the house and its atmosphere. He noted how there was not a single picture of you on the walls — a marked contrast to his parents’ home. Your brother was very present, but you? You were invisible.

“Which was your room?” he asked quietly.

When you indicated the room but made no move towards it, he went ahead on his own. If it had ever harbored a teenaged you, Taehyung could no longer tell. It was a perfectly appointed guest room and part of him grieved.

You had been so thoroughly excised. He could not imagine a family that operated as such. You might have grown up rich, but to Taehyung, your family wallowed in poverty.

You soon took him to the local country club and he had a perfectly tasteful country club lunch and then a round of golf in the golden California sun where he summarily trounced you (though Taehyung had a sneaking suspicion you were letting him win).

Taehyung wondered at how he’d never thought to question whether the small, sleepy town you’d grown up in was awash in money or not. He remembered how you had made it seem as if you’d grown up in some backwater town and not one filled with huge estates hidden in the rolling foothills — as well as the many country club golf courses from which he could choose.

“Noona, you said you grew up in the boonies,” he protested.

“It was, in a way,” you replied as you drove the golf cart to the next hole. “It was super white, super sheltered, and super out of touch with reality.”

“It doesn’t seem so bad,” he remarked.

You cut him a glance. “You of all people should know that the surface is never as it seems. It was stifling. I couldn’t wait to escape.”

“People seem nice enough.”

“My parents received a letter in their mailbox the day after they moved in, telling them to go back to where they came from,” you said. “We were one of, like, six Asian families in this gated community and we were constantly treated like shit. It was obvious they didn’t want us here.”

“Oh,” said Taehyung. He should have known better based on how his band was treated in the U.S. and other western countries.

“Make no mistake, Tae, money only buys you the illusion of being protected from racism. But the instant they’re alone, we’re nothing but chinks and gooks.”

Taehyung nodded, chagrined that this was the universal experience of being Asian in the U.S.

You spent the next two days showing him your old high school, your old church, and introducing him to a few more of your elementary and high school friends. Taehyung was even happily surprised to see Danny — one of your friends who had visited you in Seoul — and pumped the older man for more embarrassing stories about you.

Before he knew it, the two of you were taking the scenic route down the 101 back to Los Angeles. This time, he made you choose the playlist though you insisted all your playlists were five years out of date. He merely scoffed and said that he’d made the two of you listen to old jazz standards on the drive up — and those were definitely old.

When Taehyung added he’d been surprised that you’d already known most of the songs, you replied that you’d been in the jazz choir during high school.

“Anyone worth their salt knows the American songbook, Tae,” you said. “Well, at least if they grew up here. I don’t expect you to know anymore than you’d expect me to know Korean classics.”

“You do know a decent amount of classic Korean music though,” Taehyung remarked.

You unsuccessfully tried to wipe the smug expression from your face. “Well, music was my job for a while,” you said and returned to queuing up songs as he concentrated on the road to Monterey.

The next few days were filled with you hugging the curves of the 101 at a reasonably thrilling speed as he stared out at the Pacific, stopping to take photos of elephant seals or look at historic landmarks like Hearst Castle or the Madonna Inn. Taehyung felt inexplicably warm whenever he caught you smiling in genuine happiness.

On the last night before returning to Los Angeles, the two of you checked into a swanky resort in Santa Barbara and while Taehyung would never call you a relaxed sort of person, he could see you noticeably tense as the night carried on. After eating lots of rich foods and killing a bottle of wine between you, he suggested a stroll down the beach and though you seemed as if it were the last thing you wanted to do, you agreed.

“Thanks for taking me on this detour and showing me around your home state, noona,” Taehyung said.

“Of course, Taehyung,” you said. After a long silent spell, you added, “The recovery center I stayed at is a few miles down the road, you know.”

“Oh,” he replied.

You never spoke about that time and most days, he could forget that you’d gone through such a devastating period. Most days, he just thought of you as his depressed noona who was a lot like how Yoongi used to be.

He chided himself for having totally forgotten.

“I would take you to tour the facility, but I don’t ever want to go back there,” you said.

“Were they bad to you?” he asked.

The wind whipped your hair across your face as you shook it. “It wasn’t that they were bad so much as they were culturally ill-equipped.” You shuddered and Taehyung gave into the urge to wrap his arms around you. “The house manager-nim and I stayed in was a little further away, but that had at least slightly better memories of Ha-joon oppa.”

Taehyung absentmindedly planted a light kiss on the crown of your head. “I’m so glad you had Alton hyung and manager-nim to take care of you, noona.”

You just nodded and brushed wayward tears off your cheeks. Taehyung was surprised you let him hold you as long as you did, but he was content. You smelled a little sweaty but also like the citrus shampoo you favored. He would hold you until you pushed him away.

“I have a confession to make,” you whispered after a few more moments.

“What is it, noona?” he asked. “You can tell me.”

You turned around in his arms and flicked your gaze to his before focusing on an indeterminate point behind him. You really were Yoongi hyung.

“I — I haven’t kissed anyone since Namjoon and — and I’m worried I’ll be awful on screen — the movie rides on our chemistry, Taehyung — and I don’t want to just kiss anyone to practice with — and maybe you wouldn’t mind since —”

Taehyung raised a finger to your lips, effectively shushing you. Your face burst into flames as your eyes fixated on his mouth.

Taehyung smiled softly at you. “If you wanted to kiss me, noona, you could have just said so. You don’t have to make up a reason.”

“I’m not —”

Taehyung didn’t get to hear the rest of your sentence because he was already pressing his lips into yours. He decided that the less time you had to freak out, the better. Your lips were slightly chapped but overall, he enjoyed the shape of your mouth slotting with his.

Except though you kissed him back, he could tell you were not fully present. For one, your whole body was way too tense — perhaps due to shock. And two, well, he’d figure that out later because quite frankly, he was a little distracted in trying to open you up.

“Relax, noona. You’re thinking too much.”

“Taehy—”

Taehyung took advantage of your lips parting to risk a little flick of his tongue and at your throaty “oh,” he knew he had you.

“That’s it, noona,” he husked. He lifted a hand to cup the base of your neck and you melted.

You let him in and Taehyung was determined to make it worth it. You tasted like the cabernet you’d shared at dinner and a hint of salt from the sea. Every now and then, a tiny gasp would escape and Taehyung would feel the sighs go straight to his groin.

You were going to be trouble.

Eventually, the wind became too much and Taehyung broke away, however reluctantly. You stumbled back a step, eyes glassy and lips swollen, hand touching your mouth reverently.

And then, before Taehyung could gather his bearings, you closed the distance between your bodies and devoured him whole.

Taehyung was so utterly fucked.

———

“V of BTS was seen on set at ‘A Slippery Slope’ though he is not slated for any scenes until filming moves to Korea. Sources close to the movie claim V is often in the trailers of Y/N L/N and is even staying at her Malibu and San Marino residences. Could there be a romance brewing between the attractive co-stars?”
- The National Enquirer, July 2026

July 2026

The thing of it was, Taehyung didn’t technically need to be on set, let alone the country. All the flashback scenes they were shooting had nothing to do with him except he found himself really wanting to be present.

It was just that after your trip up and down California — not to mention that massive makeout session on the beach — he felt much closer and possibly even more protective of you than before. So if his only purpose was serving as your moral support, it was enough for him.

You were required on set because quite simply, you were the source material. Also, you and the Asian American actresses portraying the younger selves of Vikki Yu needed to have a consistent narrative as well as continuity of mannerisms.

Taehyung watched as all of you grew to rely on and trust the actor playing Vikki’s father. He was a kind gentleman who constantly checked in on the actresses after portraying particularly abusive scenes, adamant on ensuring everyone knew he was acting and in no way an actual threat — especially for the young girls playing Vikki’s elementary, middle and high school selves.

When you weren’t needed for consultation, Taehyung helped as you ran your lines repeatedly in a quick, monotone voice. He wasn’t necessarily the fastest at reading English lines but you mostly needed him to provide an auditory stop as you memorized thousands of words. He tried his best though he wasn’t sure why you chose him to run lines with instead of the Asian American actor who played Roland Tan, the Alton Kuang facsimile and other potential love interest in the movie.

He hoped it was because you found him a source of serenity and not because you were looking for ways to occupy him because he was otherwise in the way.

It was, however, somewhat confusing, too. Part of Taehyung felt as if he were betraying his hyung with his tumultuous feelings and so, he tucked them away until they could serve him in his scenes with you.

You didn’t have to tell Taehyung how you grew increasingly anxious as your scenes with your pretend father and those depicting your recovery approached. Every cell of your being vibrated with terror — a fact you unsuccessfully attempted to hide from him.

It got worse after your filming started.

You often required Taehyung to gently be a touchstone so you could snap out of that dark place you sunk into for those sequences.

“Hey, noona,” he would say in Korean as you’d blink slowly, surprised at his presence. “It’s me, your Taehyungie. You’re safe, noona. No one can hurt you here.”

You would come back, slightly embarrassed but still grateful. But as the days dragged on, you disappeared more and more into yourself and Taehyung worried, unsure of how to recall you back to the present.

Some days, you were so emotionally worn that you would toss him the keys to your yellow Lamborghini, only piping up occasionally that he was grinding your gears into dust despite all your efforts to teach him how to drive stick properly. Taehyung knew he was actually a pretty good driver — even with the manual shift — so he just let you blow off steam in the manner in which you felt most comfortable.

Those nights, Taehyung knew to leave you alone on your balcony as you smoked blunt after blunt. You were a little worse for wear the next morning, but you were always on set by the first call time like the professional you were.

How Taehyung wished he could cradle you in soothing murmurs and kisses, except ever since the trip, you’d been exceedingly cautious on crossing any physical boundaries with him. You’d even pulled back on hugging and general touch — which Taehyung missed something fierce.

He was starving for any sort of human contact and thus, he found himself taking the Lamborghini out every now and then to party with Allen. If he occasionally took a person — male or female, he wasn’t picky — to a hotel for a few hours before he drove back to San Marino, that was his own business.

At least his English rapidly improved due to daily usage.

Taehyung not only gained more American friends, he gained more insight into your character’s background so that he could ponder how Choi Eun-seong could possibly push Vikki Yu’s buttons with his own particular mannerisms in his future scenes. He started up a notes document so he could refer to it when he was back in Korea.

Taehyung bent all his energy into preparing his lines, making sure you weren’t spiraling too terribly, and channeling any pent up emotions into humming the occasional melody or scrawling a few incoherent lyrics and sending them to Yoongi.

Except, Taehyung couldn’t help but feel as if everything was crashing forward to a head — and he didn’t know who would emerge from the rubble.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reference Notes:

1) The first song Y/N plays is “Blackbird” by The Beatles.

2) The Bible verse Y/N quotes is: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

3) The story Y/N references is Eustace in “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” by C.S. Lewis.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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“Her” Series Masterlist
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Previous Chapters

Introduction/Author’s Note/Chapter 1: The Journey to the Burrow /Chapter 2: Hidden Letters /Chapter 3: Ron’s Return/Chapter 4: Nighttime Conversations/ Chapter 5: A Morning Surprise/Chapter 6: The Quidditch Match /Chapter 7: Girl Talk/Chapter 8: Aphrodite’s Push/ Chapter 9: Mistakes and Love Potions/Chapter 10: You Would Be Fine

Chapter 11: Spell It Out

It was the night of Percy’s birthday party and you had successfully avoided Ron the entire day. It wasn’t difficult to do, considering the fact that everyone was so hectic and busy running around to complete Percy’s demanding orders. He was usually uptight, but the stress of his work friends and boss attending his party had him so wound up you were afraid he was going to snap in two.

Not ready to face Ron after your screaming match last night, you stuck by Hermione and Ginny’s side the entire day as everyone prepared for the party. You also avoided Bill too, just in case Ron was still jealous enough to make a scene. You didn’t want any more emotional outbursts for a while. You were a little worn out from those this summer.

Now you stood next to the large oak tree, you had come to call it your tree ever since you snuck out at night to sit by it, and observed the party. Wizards in capes and tunics milled about, mingling with one another while sipping the punch Mrs Weasley had made. A laugh bubbled out of you as you remembered the verbal whipping she had given Fred and George when the twins tried to spike the punch with their newest prank concoction.

“It’s a nice night, isn’t it?” A velvet voice asked you. Turning around, you were met with the smiling eyes of Penelope Clearwater, Percy’s girlfriend. You had seen her around school before she graduated, and she was really smart. She was top of her class in Ravenclaw, and her straight black hair framed her delicate features nicely. She was really pretty and you were surprised she was with someone as irritating as Percy.

“It’s wonderful,” you replied, turning back to admire the decorations of the night. Your muggle Christmas lights were a huge hit, and you watched as Ministry officials stepped closer to the bulbs to inspect them further. Everyone looked in awe of them. The night was perfect summer weather. It was warm enough that people could wear dresses but not too hot that those in long capes got too overheated.

You toyed with the hem of your dress absentmindedly. Since you hadn’t brought any fancy clothes with you from home, Ginny had lent you one of her dresses. Ginny hated wearing dresses, “How can I play Quidditch in a dress?” she used to complain to her mom, but Mrs Weasley still made or bought a couple of them for her. You were glad she did, because the white dress you were wearing right now was stunning. Although you were a little taller than Ginny, the dress fit like a glove. It had a delicate lace neckline with matching short sleeves and came down to right above your kneecaps. When you had walked out of Ginny’s closet to show her your outfit, she had grinned and said, “Ron doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Sighing as your brain yet again wandered to the redheaded boy, you turned to Penelope to take your mind off of him. You chatted with her for a few minutes about her work, and she was surprisingly a lot more interesting than Percy made her out to be. She was intelligent and passionate about her work, and pretty soon you and her began talking like old friends.

“It was really nice of you to help Percy plan for this party,” she said, giving you a warm smile that almost made you forget all of your current boy troubles. “He appreciates it, even if he can’t find the words to tell you. I know he can be a bit uptight sometimes, but he’s really a good guy. I’m so thankful for him.”

When Penelope talked about Percy, her eyes lit up and her elegant smile grew.

“You must really love him, huh?” You asked her. Your heart ached because you knew what it was like to care for someone that much. At least Percy loved her back.

She nodded. “I wasn’t really expecting to. At first we were kind of in competition with one another, to see who would be the best Prefect. But then feelings developed, and everything changed.” She laughed to herself and said, “sometimes, love happens unexpectedly.”

“That’s what Mrs Weasley told me,” you commented, remembering your conversation in the kitchen.

Penelope raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at you. “You get love advice often from your boyfriend’s mother?” she asked jokingly.

Not even bothering to hide your blush, you replied, “He’s not my boyfriend.” But oh Merlin, you wished he was.

“Really?” she asked, the moonlight illuminating her perfect features. “Huh, from the way you two acted back at Hogwarts, I would have thought you’d been in love for years.”

Only one of us, you thought.

After chatting with Penelope a little bit more, you both made your way back to the party when dessert was served. Ice cream, tarts, and chocolate cake greeted you when you walked up to the dessert table. Your brain was so distracted by all of the delicious food that you barely noticed Bill walking up next to you.

“Hi y/n,” he said as you spooned some ice cream into a bowl. You smiled politely at him as he made a bowl for himself.

“Hello,” you said, topping your dessert off with sprinkles and chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Mrs Weasley really made the best food of all time. You were going to miss her cooking when the summer was over. Thinking about the end of summer sent a pang of sadness throughout your body. Although the summer had been fun, it was winding to an end and your last year of Hogwarts would be soon. You were going to miss your friends and the Weasley family.

Bill followed you to an empty table and you both sat down, immediately digging into your ice cream. Neither of you spoke as the next few minutes were reserved for devouring the delicious food. After you had both finished, Bill looked up at you and chuckled.

“What?” you asked defensively. It seemed like he was laughing at you.

“You got a little something right there,” he said, motioning towards the corner of your mouth.

Embarrassed, you swiped at your mouth, but Bill kept chuckling.

“Here, I got it,” he said, reaching across the table to wipe the extra ice cream off your mouth with his napkin. He was so close you could smell that pine-needle scent on him. His eyes met yours and you tried to steady your breathing. This felt wrong, you thought. I want this to be somebody else.

“Thanks,” you replied, leaning back in your chair to put some space between you.

Bill nodded, folding the napkin casually before dropping it in his lap.

“You’re really over me, aren’t you?” He asked. At the same time the words left his lips, your eyes caught on the sight of a lanky ginger boy stealing ice cream from Harry’s bowl when his head was turned. Your stomach flipped at just the sight of Ron.

“Yeah, I am,” you responded, still not looking away from the boy you loved.

You heard Bill standing before you saw him getting up from the table.

“You should tell Ron,” he said.

“Tell him what?” you asked, forgetting how clever Bill was. He gave you a knowing smile before speaking again.

“If someone loved me as fiercely as you two love each other, I would sure as hell fight for it.”

And just like that, Bill walked away, towards a blonde girl you recognized as Fleur Delacour from the Triwizard tournament. You had no idea why she was attending Percy Weasley’s birthday party, but Bill introduced himself to her anyway.

With Bill gone, you were alone with your thoughts. Bill had said “as you two love each other,” implying that Ron felt the same way. Although you were almost certain Ron didn’t love you back, Bill’s words gave you a new sense of hope. A fire ignited in your heart as you looked back at Ron, who was joking and goofing around with Harry. That boy, however flawed and imperfect he was, was the one you loved. You couldn’t just give him up because you had one disagreement.

“I would sure as hell fight for it.”

Maybe that’s all you and Ron needed, just one of you to build the courage to fight for the other. It was there, standing under the stars and twinkling lights of the summer night, that you decided that person was going to be you. You weren’t going to sit around, crying for a boy to want you. Instead, you stood up and made your way over to Ron. You had held your love for him in your heart for so long, it was time to finally let it free and tell him.

As you walked across the grass yard towards him, Harry and Hermione saw you approaching and left. Bless them for being such good friends. Now Ron was alone and he looked up at you from across the sea of moving bodies and lights. His eyes met yours with a smile, and your heart threatened to beat out of your chest. He was looking at you differently, you realized. Maybe it was the dress that fit you so well, maybe it was the moonlight shining on your skin, or maybe it was just years of longing and desire building up to this very moment. Because as you walked towards him, Ron thought, “There’s my love.”

You weren’t aware of what Ron was thinking but you knew he was in a significantly different mood from the last time you spoke. By now, you were almost at Ron’s table, and he stood up quickly to greet you, knocking a couple spoons off the table in his haste.

“Hi,” you said shyly, tucking your hair behind your ear when you were a couple feet from him.

His eyes glanced up and down your figure and he before he could think, he blurted out, “You look beautiful.”

You couldn’t tell whose cheeks turned redder, yours or his. But in that moment you didn’t really care, all you cared about was coming over here to tell him the truth of how you felt.

“I have something to tell you,” you started. “I-”

An explosive BOOMricocheted into the night sky, cutting off your words. Everyone looked around them in surprise, and a second later another BOOMechoed, followed by a loud CRACKas fireworks were released into the sky.

“Welcome to Fred and George’s Magical Firework Extravaganza! Please enjoy the show!” you heard the twins voices magically project throughout the garden. At their words, more fireworks erupted in the sky, vibrant colors of blue and red painting the dark backdrop. They were so loud that you knew your chance to tell Ron that you loved him would have to wait until later, when it was quieter. In the meantime, you were going to enjoy the show.

Scooting next to Ron, you both leaned against the table together, your faces angled up to watch the sky. Firework after firework was released, each more intense than the last. Before you could even wonder what made their fireworks different from muggle fireworks, you received your answer.

One firework spiraled up into the air and exploded into a large green dragon. It swam through the stars before opening it’s mouth to breath fire. But instead of fire coming out, orange and red sparkly figures danced out of the beast’s mouth. At first you thought they were leprechauns, similar to the ones at the Quidditch World Cup show. But upon closer inspection, you started to recognize the figures.

“That’s us! That’s our family!” Ron said, his voice giddy with childlike excitement.

Leading the pack of orange figures made up of the firework trails and sparks was Fred and George, clad in the silly three piece suit that they had teased Percy about so relentlessly. Next came sparks in the shape of Mr and Mrs Weasley, walking hand and hand with one another. The rest of the family followed in age order; Bill, Charlie, Percy (who was wearing a large IT’S MY BIRTHDAY button), Ron, and then Ginny. After them followed Hermione, Harry, you, and Penelope. You laughed up at the firework version of yourself, beyond amazed at the magic it must have taken to make this special show.

Suddenly, you felt a pang of fear. The memory of Fred and George saying, “the fireworks are nonrefundable, we have to use them,” and “we thought you would have told Ron how you felt by the time of Percy’s party.” Oh no, you realized. You were too late. You closed your eyes and cringed as you thought about what was about to happen next.

As soon as you opened your eyes, you saw all the firework figures doing a line dance and kicking in time with one another. Everyone in the garden was laughing, clapping, and cheering for the show.

Then, pink firework hearts exploded into the sky. Here it comes, you thought.

In a giant red heart, the figures of Penelope and Percy emerged, holding hands and walking together. Laughter filled the garden as everyone enjoyed the cheesy display. Looking over at Percy, you were expecting him to be embarrassed by Fred and George’s show. Instead, he smiled wide, simply wrapping his arm around Penelope and planting a kiss on her cheek.

Next, Mr and Mrs Weasley emerged from the heart, waltzing with one another through the sky. People cheered and awed at their dance. You looked over at the real Mr and Mrs Weasley and your heart warmed as you saw Mr Weasley sweep up his wife in a goofy manner, beginning to waltz her through the garden just like in the sky.

Following them in the sky came Harry and Ginny. Everyone laughed when Ginny’s figure scooped Harry up bridal style and kissed him on the lips. Fake smoke erupted from Harry’s firework ears as he kissed her back. So I guess you and Ron weren’t the only ones the twins would tease about their love life. You glanced over at the real Ginny and Harry, laughing as you saw Ginny slapping her knees from laughing so hard. Harry stood next to her, his face as red as the fireworks.

After their figures left the sky, you knew what was coming.

“You don’t think they’re gonna…” Ron started, his voice sounding shocked.

“Yes, I think they are,” you responded, equally as stunned at Fred and George’s antics.

And then there you were. Yours and Ron’s firework figures were running through the heart together, your hair whipping behind you in a beautiful display of orange and red sparks. Your heart stopped when you saw Firework Ron turning to Firework y/n, dipping her low into a stereotypically cheesy pose, and kissing her. The garden erupted into even louder cheers and laughter. Fred and George were smiling and giving you double thumbs up from across the garden.

You couldn’t help it, you laughed along with them. It was so ridiculous, that everyone knew how you and Ron felt about each other all these years, everyone except the two of you. It took Fred and George literally having to spell it out in the summer night sky for you to realize that maybe Ron did feel the same way.

You turned from watching the sky to Ron, still laughing, and noticed he wasn’t looking at the fireworks. He was looking at you. He was looking at you like you were the most important thing in the summer night, nevermind the fact that there was a grand firework special going on behind him.

Before you knew what was happening, Ron had grabbed your hand and was dragging you towards the oak tree on the side of the house. Since everyone had gathered in the garden to watch the fireworks, the tree was well away from the others and it was significantly quieter. Your heart was beating so loud you were sure it was just as loud as the booms of the fireworks. The show continued in the sky as Ron led you to the tree, not releasing your hands until your back was pressed against the hard bark of the oak.

“Y/n,” he whispered, leaning closer and closer to you. His hands slipped out of yours as he reached up to cup the sides of your face.

“I have something to tell you,” he breathed, his eyes glancing from your lips to your eyes.

You held your breath, heart hammering against your ribcage, as you waited for the words you had been dying to hear for years.

Previous Chapters

Introduction/Author’s Note/ Chapter 1: The Journey to the Burrow/Chapter 2: Hidden Letters /Chapter 3: Ron’s Return/Chapter 4: Nighttime Conversations/Chapter 5: A Morning Surprise/Chapter 6: The Quidditch Match/Chapter 7: Girl Talk/Chapter 8: Aphrodite’s Push/Chapter 9: Mistakes and Love Potions

Chapter 10: You Would be Fine

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all the love and support for this fic, it means so much to me :) Get prepared because this chapter is a lengthy one (about 4,200 words I think…oops). Also, the gif has nothing to do with the chapter I just thought Ron looked really cute lol. Okay anyways enjoy!!!

You were fine. Really you were.

Every time Hermione or Ginny gave you a concerned look while passing, you could easily plaster on an “I’m-good-everything-is-good-thanks-for-asking” smile onto your face.

In reality though, your heart hurt ever damn day.

About 2 weeks ago, Ron broke your heart. Under the oak tree outside, he told you that whatever happened between you was a mistake. Mistake. So instead of moping around for the rest of your summer vacation, you tried to be happy. During the day time you would laugh and joke with the Weasleys, help make meals, finish your school work, and do chores. But at night is when you finally let yourself feel your heartbreak. Once everyone fell asleep, you would creep down the stairs and sit underneath the oak tree, and cry.

It was therapeutic, kind of. With each passing night, you felt better. Yes, it still hurt seeing Ron’s freckled face every morning at breakfast. And it still made your skin and body ache when he accidentally brushed up next to you in the tight kitchen. But you were okay.

You knew that if you let Ron fully see how heartbroken you were, it would change the dynamic between you. You were best friends, and nothing more. No matter how much you loved him, that’s all you would ever be. Instead of jeopardizing the friendship you had come to cherish so greatly, you simply suppressed your love for Ron so you could maintain it. And it was working, king of.

The night after your heartbreak at the oak tree, you started treating Ron exactly as you had before you came to the Burrow, before you had let your emotions run wild. He reciprocated this and before long, you were best friends again. You played Quidditch on each other’s team, joked around with Fred and George, tried the newest Weasley Wizard Wheezes products (though you stayed away from the love potions), and played wizard’s chess together. Although your heart still skipped a beat whenever Ron leaned closer to you, everything was back to normal with your best friend.

Over the past 2 weeks, you had been alternating between sleeping in Ginny’s room for sleepovers, the bed in the attic, or the couch in the living room. Ron didn’t offer his room to you again, which made you sad but you understood. If you were alone with him late at night when your emotions were high, your cover of “nope-i-don’t-love-him-we-are-just-best-friends” was going out the window. So you stuck to your usual 3 beds.

That morning, you had awoken from the attic bed bright and early. Hermione had been getting the girls up at 8am for the past 2 weeks so that you could finish your school work early in the morning and have the rest of the day to relax. Although you hated her every morning for this, you were glad she had such a strict regimen because you had all finished your homework yesterday. Now, for the rest of the summer you were homework free.

By now you were so used to waking up early that it was no longer a surprise for anyone to see you help cook breakfast with Mrs Weasley. Besides Hermione, you two were usually the first awake and in the kitchen right away. This morning was no different as you padded down the creaky wooden steps into the kitchen.

“Good morning Mrs Weasley,” you greeted her, tying an apron around your waist. There were four aprons in the Weasley house; a floral one designated for Mrs Weasley, a dark blue one for Mr Weasley when he would attempt to use a muggle grill, a plain white one for whoever decided to help cook, and a yellow one with stars for you. Mrs Weasley even spelled your name, y/n, on the edge in elegant cursive.

“For my newest child,” she has said when she showed it to you. She pinched your cheeks, the way she did with all of her kids, and the action almost made you tear up. You threw your arms around her in a tight hug and thanked her profusely.

Mrs Weasley smiled approvingly at you as you started on the breakfast. As the usual morning rhythm took place, you cherished the routine of cracking the eggs, putting them in pans, flipping them, and then doing the same thing again and again.

But soon, Mrs Weasley’s voice broke the silence. “Sweetheart, what happened with Ron?” she asked.

Your head snapped up from the frying pan, your eyes meeting Mrs Weasley’s. She looked at you with motherly concern, and for some reason you couldn’t look at her loving face and lie to her.

“I don’t think he feels the same way that I do about him,” you stated, turning your attention back to cooking.

Mrs Weasley huffed. “Well, my son has never been the sharpest boy, as you know,” she said. You giggled, though you were still sad, and she smiled at you. “Maybe things will change honey,” she told you, “love happens unexpectedly.”

Before you got the chance to reply, thundering footsteps sounded from the staircase. You whipped your head around to see the twins barreling down the steps, practically tripping over one another in their hurry.

“Where’s the fire?” you asked.

Fred ran across the room, picked you up around the waist, and spun you around.

“Percy’s home! His work is called off for the week because of his birthday!” He shouted excitedly. You laughed, swatting at him with your spatula until he set you down.

“I didn’t know you two were so excited to see your brother,” Mrs Weasley noted, fixing her sons with a stern and skeptical stare.

“Oh mother, we’re not,” George replied.

“We’re excited to mess with him for a week straight,” Fred added with the largest grin you had ever seen.

As soon as the words left his mouth, more of a promise than anything else, the front door swung open and in entered the most prestigious Weasley of the house. With his rigorous work schedule, you hadn’t seen Percy once this entire summer. But now, here he was, standing in the kitchen in a three piece suit with a pocket watch and shiny black shoes at 8 in the morning.

“Hi Percy,” you said, trying your best not to laugh at the long tail of his suit coat.

“Whatthehell are you wearing?” Fred asked, his face shocked as he took in Percy’s outfit. George’s face was bright red as he held in his laughter.

“This,” Percy said, unironically spinning so everyone could see his outfit, “Is traditional Muggle-wear. As I climb higher in the Ministry’s success ladder, sometimes I have to encounter Muggles, so I must dress accordingly. This particular suit was a gift from one of my many clients.”

He turned to you and you tried to wipe the teasing smile off your face. “Y/n, this is what muggles wear to their jobs, isn’t it?” he asked.

You schooled your features into seriousness. “Oh yes,” you responded, “definitely.”

At that moment, Ron, Harry, Ginny, and Hermione stumbled down the stairs, looking like they had just woken up. Everyone stayed up late last night playing nighttime Quidditch (an especially difficult yet fun game considering the fact that you can’t see the bludgers because of how dark it is).  

Ron froze when he saw Percy standing in the kitchen, his shoes so shiny they were reflecting the kitchen lights into the eyes of anyone who looked at them.

“Bloody hell, what happened to your clothes?” he asked incredulously. Him and Harry shared a look and then burst out in laughter.

Percy’s ears turned pink at the tips as he huffed before sitting down in one of the chairs around the kitchen table. You and Mrs Weasley decorated the center of the table with plate after plate of delicious warm breakfast food. Proud of your hard work, you took off your apron and sat down next to Percy.

Ron sat down next to you as the others joined the table.

“For your information, Ronald, your girlfriend says my clothes are the proper Muggle attire,” Percy said, glaring at his little brother.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Ron responded, his ears turning pink now too.

“How’s Penelope?” you asked Percy before you could let yourself get too caught up in the fact that youreally wanted Ron’s response to that question to be different.

Percy smiled at the mention of his longtime girlfriend, who had been a Prefect at Hogwarts with him. “Oh she’s fantastic,” Percy said before launching into a long-winded story about Penelope’s latest project she was working on at the ministry. Words such as “top-secret” “highly important” and “imperative job” floated past your ears.

Ron leaned closer to you and mumbled in your ear, “I wish you hadn’t asked him that.”

“Me too,” you whispered back, giggling behind your hand.

As breakfast began, you were proud of all the compliments you received on your cooking. Waking up early to cook with Mrs Weasley was a part of the day you always looked forward too, and the compliments only made you feel better about it.

After everyone finished eating, and cleared their plates, chairs scraped against the wood of the floor as everyone prepared to go about their daily business.

“Wait!” Percy shouting, using his wand to spell everyone back into their chairs. “Nobody leave this table until we discuss my birthday party details.”

Theses past few weeks your brain had been so focused on Ron that you had forgotten Percy’s huge birthday party that was taking place at the Burrow next week. From the guilty expressions of everyone else around the table, you could tell they had forgotten too.

“I want this party to be perfect,” Percy said. “My bosses are coming to this party, as is Penelope, so I will not tolerate any shenanigans.” He fixed his eyes on the twins and gave them an icy glare. “I mean it, no funny business.”

Fred and George saluted him, shouting “yes mother” before jumping out of their chairs and running to their room. A memory flashed in your head from the beginning of summer. The twins were showing you fireworks in their room, “special fireworks for Percy’s party” they had said. There was definitely going to be some shenanigans taking place.

Increasingly interested about what kind of pranks the twins were going to pull on Percy, you excused yourself from the table and followed them upstairs. You were about to knock on their door before it swung open and Fred dragged you inside.

“Can I have a sneak peek?” you asked them giddily as soon as the door closed behind you. Apart from the twins, you were the most excited about their funny products and pranks they always pulled. You knew Percy’s party wasn’t going to disappoint.

Instead of reciprocating your excitement, the twins traded nervous glances.

“What is it?” you asked them. You felt a strange sense of deja vu to the time when they picked you up to drive you to the Burrow in the beginning of summer. They were hiding something from you then, and they were certainly hiding something from you now.

“So we take it you’re not going to tell Ron about your unconditional love for him anytime soon?” George asked, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression on his face. Fred was ringing his hands nervously next to him.

“That is correct,” you responded flatly.

“Well, you see,” Fred began, “When we ordered these special fireworks for Percy’s party, we assumed you two would be dating and in love by the time of the party. And the thing is, there’s no refunds on the fireworks, so we kind of have to use them.” He spoke so fast that the words were tumbling together in your head.

“Okay…what does that mean? What do the fireworks have to do with Ron and I?” you asked, getting increasingly more upset by the moment.

The twins must have sensed your anger because they traded a quick glance before assuring you “Okay, never mind, love, everything is under control,” Fred promised.

“Yep, totally under control,” George said, steering you out of the room. You didn’t even register what they were saying before you were standing in the hallway.

“What aren’t you telling me?” you asked, eyes narrowing into a glare at the twins.

They both gulped nervously.

“Don’t worry about it, y/n, everything is fine. Percy’s party will be full of lots of laughs and fun,” Fred promised, before promptly shutting the door in your face. Once again, you got deja vu.

And with that, you left the twins room, feeling even more confused about your relationship with Ron than ever.

                                                                                              …

The next week was frantic, hectic, and insane as you all scrambled to prepare for Percy’s big party. Decorations needed to be made, food needed to be cooked, and you totally forgot to get Percy a present. After a day trip to Diagon Alley, you had returned home with a bag of more owl food for Dite and a magical watch for Percy. Despite all of the high energy and excitement in the house, the twins words still weighed on you. The party was quickly approaching and you had yet to “confess your unconditional love” to Ron. What would happen if you didn’t? You didn’t even want to think about it.

It was the night before Percy’s party, and you were in the garden helping Bill string up lights around the outdoor tables. You and Bill had been spending a lot more time together over the past week. Bill had always opted to help you in whatever decoration or cooking you were tasked with for that day. Although you could tell that made Ron grumpy, you tried to ignore it. Your feelings were confusing enough without trying to unpack Ron’s jealousy at the moment.

You wobbled on the chair you were standing on as you tied the last string of lights around the nearest tree branch. After you finished, you put your hands on your hips and took a look around the garden. It looked amazing. 10 tables were arranged in a neat circle around the yard, completed with white table clothes and centerpieces with Percy’s photo in the middle. You bought a couple packs of muggle Christmas lights to hang from the trees to illuminate the area, which Mr Weasley was very happy about. He spent about 2 hours asking you about the mechanics behind muggle electricity.

There was a long table for the buffet to be served at and a short circular table for Percy’s gifts to be placed on. At the corner of the garden the twins had set up a firing booth for the fireworks. To be totally honest, the decoration fit more for a wedding than a birthday party, but Percy wanted things to be perfect, so the family followed his decoration ideas to a tee.

While being distracted by observing your handiwork, you weren’t really paying attention to what was happening behind you. This was unfortunate because Harry and Ron were practicing disarming charms right behind you.

“Y/n, look out!” you heard someone yell behind you. Whipping around towards the voice, you saw a red ball of sparks sailing towards you from the end of Harry’s wand. How did Harry always manage to accidentally attack you?

You dove from your chair to avoid the sparks, and were fully expecting to land roughy in the grass. Instead, you felt strong arms wrap around you to prevent you from hitting the ground. You looked up to see none other than Bill Weasley as your knight in shining armour.

“Thanks,” you said quietly.

Bill didn’t let his arms drop from around you.

“Anytime,” he replied with a grin. His arms were still wrapped around you when you heard angry footsteps marching towards you.

“Get your hands off her, you prat,” you heard Ron’s voice say. Bill’s arms dropped from your sides as you both turned to face Ron.

“Calm down, Ron,” Bill told him.

Ron glared at his older brother. “Stop flirting with her, she’s my best friend,” he said sternly.

Your heart hurt. You wanted Ron to be jealous because he liked you, not because you were just his best friend.

“He can flirt with me if he wants.” The words were out of your mouth before you could even filter it.

Ron’s gaze snapped towards you and you almost had to take a step back from their intensity.  "Do you want him to?“ He asked you, his voice strained.

The answer was easy. No. You knew you didn’t want Bill to flirt with you. He had been your first crush and he was beyond attractive, but he wasn’t Ron. The only person you wanted was Ron. You said those words not because you wanted Bill, but because you wanted Ron to stop acting possessive if he didn’t even love you back. It just hurt too much for him to act like your boyfriend if he was never going to be.

"Ron, I’m sorry,” Bill said, mediating the situation. “I know you and y/n have something together, I shouldn’t have overstepped. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

It won’t happen again.

That’s exactly what Ron told you after the night he had taken the love potion. The night that made you believe that maybe he did have the same feelings for you. But in the end, he regretted the moment that you had loved so much.

It won’t happen again.

Tears crowded your vision and you tried your best to blink them away, you were not about to cry in front of him and show him just how much power he had over you and your emotions. But soon there were hot tears slipping down your cheeks and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

Bill and Harry exchanged nervous glances as you and Ron just continued staring at each other. They both took a couple steps away to give you and Ron the space you needed to hash things out. Ron was breathing heavily, obviously still angry from the flirting between you and his brother. But you were angry too, angry that he didn’t want you the way you wanted him.

“I don’t want you flirting with my brother,” he said, his intense gaze never leaving yours.

You rolled your eyes, “It’s not your choice if I do.”

Ron bristled at your comment, taking another step closer to you. You could practically feel the heat and anger radiating off of him.

“You know, you’ve really been pissing me off these past couple weeks,” he said. “You prance around making breakfast in the mornings, but in reality all you’re doing is trying to get with Bill. It’s so fucking frustrating! I’m your best friend, we were supposed to be together every day you visited, but instead you found someone better to spend your time with.”

God, he was thick.  You told him that.

“I’m not trying to get with Bill, you dumb git!” you shouted back. Why couldn’t he see that he was the only one you wanted. Bill hadn’t even crossed your mind this summer, your heart was too full of Ron as it is.

At this point, you were practically nose to nose with him, your shouting words bringing you closer and closer towards each other.

Ron mimicked you from earlier and rolled his eyes. It was beyond infuriating. You set your jaw and clenched your hands as you tried not to yell more.

“Oh of course you’re not. You just spend every waking moment with him and barely hang out with me, but sure you’re not trying to get with him,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Now it was your turn to get angry. “Oh really? I’m the one to blame right now?” You shouted at him. The words were hot rolling off your tongue.

“You’re the one who treats me so poorly! You cuddle me in your bed, and then run out the next morning. You almost kiss me and then act like it didn’t happen! You told me what happened in your room was a mistake,” the last sentence flew out of you, the anger just boiling and boiling up towards your breaking point.

Even though you knew it wouldn’t do you any good, you kept talking. “Don’t you dare try to put blame on me for this summer going to shit, because it’s not my fault Ron! It’s not my fault you’re jealous of Bill, it’s not my fault things aren’t the same between us, and it’s not my fault you don’t love me back!”

Both of you froze as the words left your mouth. You wanted Ron to say something, needed him to say something, but he remained silent. You couldn’t read his emotions and it was going to drive you crazy.

Ron stared at you, his eyes full to the brim with turbulent emotions that you couldn’t read. All he did was shake his head.

“I don’t want you with Bill,” he finally said.

“You’re not my boyfriend! You’ve made that perfectly clear!” You shouted back, your voice cracking halfway through the sentence.

Ron raked his hands through his messy hair, obvious frustrated. “If I were your boyfriend…” he started. “If I were your boyfriend… I wouldn’t….” He glanced up at you and the words stopped forming at his mouth. You had tear streaks on your face and your eyes were still watery. The look of you must have shaken him too much for him to continue speaking.

“But you’re fucking not! So stop acting like you are, because it hurts too much,” you responded, all the fire gone from your argument. Instead it was replaced with a sad silence, the only sounds were the rustle in the tree branches and your occasional sniffle.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said, taking a step closer with his hand out to you, almost like he was thinking of reaching out to you.

You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t stay there, letting him reach out to touch you. It was clear he didn’t love you back, so you couldn’t stay and let him hold you when there wasn’t any hope. You backed away from him, shaking your head as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.

“You did. You do,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. If not for Ron’s body suddenly becoming stiff, you would have thought he didn’t hear you.

“Y/n, please…” he began, but no words followed. You shook your head again before turning and running back inside to the Burrow.

Nobody moved when you entered the dimly lit house. The family was sitting around the crackling fire, chatting with one another. But all talk stopped as soon as you entered.

Hastily wiping the tears from your eyes, you tried to make yourself presentable.

“Sweetheart,” Mrs Weasley said with that loving tone of hers only a mother could have, “are you alright?”

You nodded, despite the fact that you knew none of them believed you.

“I’m just a little tired is all, I think I’m going to head up to bed,” you said, before climbing the stairs as quickly as possible.

As soon as you entered your makeshift room in the attic, you slammed the door shut behind you. You couldn’t even make it to the bed before you crumbled onto the ground, your back pressed against the door. Drawing your knees up to your chest, you buried your head in your arms and let yourself cry.

Sobs racked your body as you replayed the conversation from outside. Ron didn’t want you. He didn’t love you back. He was angry and jealous, but he still didn’t love you back.

You stayed there, pressed against the door for the next hour. Everyone headed up to bed at some point and Hermione and Ginny came to check on you. They explained how Harry told them about what happened outside but you just asked them to let you be alone for now. Being the good friends they are, they listened to your request, but not before Ginny promised to “beat Ron to a pulp for hurting you” the next morning.

Even Harry came to check on you. He was visibly uncomfortable, crying girls were never his strong suit (as you could remember from his first kiss with Cho Chang) but he still managed to give you a comforting hug. You thanked him and he left almost as quickly as he arrived.

You got ready for bed in a trance, your eyes now swollen from the crying. Slipping on your pajamas, you barely noticed you were throwing on the vintage band shirt Ron had gotten you for a gift earlier. This only made you cry more. Dite landed on your shoulder as you lay in your bed. She affectionately pecked your ear and nuzzled her feathers against your cheek.  

“I’m okay, Dite,” you told her, petting her soft feathers. Your fingers traced the black heart on her head. Ron bought you an owl named Aphrodite, with a heart literally on her feathers, but he couldn’t even tell you he loved you. These mixed signals made your head and heart both throb.

You fell asleep fitfully, waking up every couple of hours and tossing and turning in bed. Tomorrow was Percy’s party, and you had to be okay for it. You couldn’t let Ron know just how much he had hurt you. You would be fine tomorrow. You would be fine, just like you had been these past few weeks. You would be fine.

Previous Chapters

Introduction/Author’s Note/Chapter 1: The Journey to the Burrow/Chapter 2: Hidden Letters /Chapter 3: Ron’s Return/Chapter 4: Nighttime Conversations/Chapter 5: A Morning Surprise /Chapter 6: The Quidditch Match/Chapter 7: Girl Talk/Chapter 8: Aphrodite’s Push  

Chapter 9: Mistakes and Love Potions

You barely got a wink of sleep that night. Every time you closed your eyes, you could see Ron’s eyes filled with regret. What had been the hottest moment in your entire life was punctuated by Ron wishing it hadn’t had happened. Maybe it shouldn’t have. Maybe you got carried away and he didn’t actually feel any attraction to you. His mind was probably cloudy from it being so late and you just throwing yourself at him in the middle of the night.

A bright light switched on which jostled you out of your thoughts. 

“Rise and shine,” Hermione sang, seeming very excited for so early in the morning.

“What time is it?” Ginny asked, her voice groggy and her hair a bird’s nest.

“About 8am,” Hermione replied, already folding her blankets and putting them away neatly. She always liked to wake up early. Maybe that’s why she always did so well in school. 

Ginny angrily threw a pillow at her as you buried your head back into your blankets with a groan. You didn’t want it to be morning. You didn’t want to have to walk downstairs and face Ron in the light of day. Again, his face flashed in your mind. Regret. 

Hermione threw the pillow back at Ginny, hitting her in the back of the head with surprising accuracy. “Get up, lazybones!”

After 20 minutes of bickering, Hermione had finally coaxed Ginny out of bed. Ginny’s room was a whirl of clothes as all three of you got dressed for the day. Your movements were delibertly slow, the thought of having to see Ron making you dread the journey downstairs. But soon enough, you couldn’t delay your inevitable fate anymore and the three of you headed downstairs for breakfast.

Usually the smell of Mrs Weasley’s famous bacon and eggs was a wonderful greeting in the morning, but this time your joy was dampened when you saw the back of Ron’s head sitting at the breakfast table. Pretty much everyone was awake and sitting around the long wooden table, except for Percy and Mr Weasley who were both working. 

“Good morning dears!” Mrs Weasley said, plopping a large egg with hash browns onto a plate before handing it to you. Thanking her, you took the plate and turned towards the table. Without making eye contact with anyone, you took the furthest seat from Ron, which happened to be right next to Bill.

“Morning y/n,” he said, giving you a closed lip smile as he chewed his breakfast.

Looking up at him, you smiled back politely. He was wearing a black button up shirt with the top three buttons undone. His pale chest contrasted greatly with the dark material, but he made it look good. His dark clothes, long hair, and dragon tooth earring made him look like a sexy vampire. No wonder you had such a big crush on him when you were younger.

“Morning,” you replied.

“I heard about your fall during Quidditch yesterday,” he said, trying to make casual breakfast conversation. Although you were usually chatty with the Weasleys, your heart was hurting too much to put much effort into talking today.

“Yeah, I did” was all you said.

“Reckon it was Fred or George’s fault, huh?” Bill asked with a wink. You laughed lightly but kept your eyes glued to your breakfast. Looking up at the others would only make you want to look at Ron. And if you looked at Ron, and if he looked back with the same eyes from last night….your heart sank at the very thought.

A breakfast roll sailed overhead but Bill caught it in one hand before taking a large bite out of it.

“Good throw,” he said to the twins, before turning his attention back to you. “Your cut looks like it’s healed up nicely,” he commented.

You nodded, “Yeah, Ron helped patch me up.”

Just saying his name sent an ache throughout you but you still avoided looking towards his end of the table.

But then you felt someone leaning closer to you, the smell of pine needles filling your nose. It was a pleasant smell, but not as nice as apples and cinnamon.

From under your lashes you looked up to see Bill closing the distant between you rather quickly. Your heart skipped a beat as he raised a hand to brush your hair away from your face.

“Yeah, looks like he did an alright job,” Bill said, lifting your hair to observe the healed bump on your forehead.

Second year y/n would have fainted in this moment. Bill Weasley, your first real crush, was leaning across a table to touch you? He was looking at you intently while brushing your hair away from your face? You should have been ecstatic. You should have been sweating from head to toe. But you weren’t. Instead, all you could think about is how you wished you were smelling apples and cinnamon instead of pine needles.

“Oi, mate, stop flirting with her or I’ll throw up my breakfast,” George replied. Laughs erupted from the table and your face burned red.

You couldn’t help yourself, your eyes glanced up and you immediately made eye contact with Ron. He was looking between you and Bill, an angry sort of look on his face. You knew he had problems with jealousy, being The Chosen One’s best friend came with those kinds of setbacks, but why was he jealous about this? He was the one who regretted everything from last night, not you. An anger boiled up in your stomach, the image of Ron’s regretful eyes playing on a loop in your head. Suddenly, you wanted to make him just as hurt as he had made you.

Turning back towards Bill, you put on your most charming smile. “I mean, you can flirt with me if you want to. Not that I’d mind,” you said, batting your eyelashes. You were half joking, but half wanting to piss off Ron.

Ginny chuckled as Bill’s cheeks took on a slightly warmer color. Fred and George faked puking into their cereal bowls. You looked at Ron and were pleased to see he looked absolutely furious. His knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping his fork.

“Maybe y/n took our missing Amortentia from last night,” Fred joked.

Your heart stopped as you turned to face the twins.

“Huh?” You asked.

Fred smiled before he launched into explanation.

“We had a couple boxes of chocolates with Amortentia drops in them in our room. We were planning on putting a few in Percy’s morning tea, but when we tried to find them they were gone. Based on your flirting this morning, maybe you had eaten a couple,” he said.

You shook your head, a feeling of dread starting to fill you stomach.

“I didn’t take them,” you responded. But you think you knew who did.

Ron cleared his throat uncomfortably before asking, “Were they in a blue box? With a little pink ribbon around it?”

Fred and George nodded their heads, every head at the table swerving to look at Ron.

Ron swallowed nervously. “Uh, I might’ve eaten them. Not on purpose though!” He promised, his face looking guiltier by the minute. “I was hungry when I was in your room the other night, so I took a couple of boxes. I didn’t know they had Amortentia in them.”

“Did you feel any different? Do anything different?” George asked, looking at Ron skeptically. Ron shook his head, and you knew he was trying his very best not to look at you.

Fred swore, which earned a disapproving glare from Mrs Weasley. “That means they’re defective. We’ll have to make a whole new batch before we can sell them at the shop.”

“Or maybe,” Hermione interjected, “You shouldn’t be selling love potions at all! They are one of the most dangerous potions, and it is clearly wrong to be selling them in the first place. Honestly, didn’t either of you pay attention in Potions class?” She looked distressed, obviously very upset that the twins didn’t recall the negative side effects of Amortentia that Professor Snape had taught.

“Psh,” Fred said, brushing her off with a wave of his hand as the conversation at the table changed. Everyone was talking about their plans for the day, full of ideas of playing Quidditch or Gobstones or maybe even taking a trip to the Leaky Cauldron for lunch. Usually you would join the conversation, but your heart felt like it was cracking in half. The only reason Ron acted the way he did last night was because he was high off of love potion, he didn’t actually feel anything for you. He didn’t feel the same way you did, and you started to doubt if he ever will. Before tears could form in the corner of your eyes, Mrs Weasley made a statement that drew everyone’s attention.

“You will be doing nothing of the sort today. Today you’re all going to finish your summer Hogwarts homework,” she held her hand up sternly to stop Harry and Ron from protesting, “no if’s, and’s, or’s, or but’s!” Her tone let everyone know that her word was final.

Everyone around the table groaned, except for those who had already graduated and Hermione who clapped happily at the mention of school work.

For the rest of the day, you and Hermione sat at the dining table working hard while everyone else half-assed their homework. Ginny and Harry sat on the couch, distracting each other and joking, while occasionally picking up a quill to write. Ron sat alone leaning against a tree outside with his books open but a blank expression on his face. You sighed unhappily as your gaze wandered over to him for the millionth time that hour.

“Okay, what’s up,” Hermione said, surprising you by setting down her quill and closing her Transfiguration book.

“Nothing,” you lied, pretending to write an answer to your Divination homework. But your brain was too scrambled and your heart too heavy to get any real work done at the moment.

Hermione yanked your parchment out from under you to read your work.

“Hey!” You protested, but she started reading your answer aloud anyway.

“What does the moons transit into Venus this month mean for your love life?”  Hermione scoffed. “What a load of crap.”

You nodded. Usually your grades were pretty good, not as good as Hermione’s, but you were better at Divination. For some reason Professor Trelawney liked you and said you had an “inherently observant third eye.” But today, your third eye must have been squinting because most of your homework answers were a little ridiculous.

“You answered with, ‘Venus is just a big ball in the sky, therefore it knows nothing of love,’ ” Hermione gave you a wary look. “I hate Divination and even I know that’s not the correct answer.”

Shrugging, you grabbed the paper back from her and continued writing bullshit answers. The moon’s transit into Venus was supposed to bring abundant love and joy, but right now that felt like the worst prediction in the world. The only boy you cared about couldn’t even kiss you, even when he had taken love potion. What does that say about his feelings towards you?

“Y/n, tell me what’s wrong,” Hermione said, her voice almost as stern as Mrs Weasley’s. Something happened with Ron, didn’t it?,“

You had been holding in how you felt all day, and it was going to drive you mad. But just at the mention of his name, your emotional dam broke open. Before you could stop yourself, you gushed out everything that had happened last night to Hermione, your voice hitching towards the end when you recalled Ron looking at you with such regret in his eyes.

"Oh, honey,” Hermione said, wrapping her hands around yours. “That’s hard, but I think the best thing you could do is just talk to him about it.” At the moment, you didn’t really want to hear Hermione’s advice. She was always right, and right now you just wanted to wallow in your self-pity.

She patted your hand, and inclined her chin towards the window, where you could see Ron sitting outside with a puzzled expression on his face.

“He hasn’t written anything for the past 20 minutes, he’s probably just as confused and upset as you are. Either that or he just started his Potions homework. Either way, just go tell him how you feel, you’ll feel better,” she promised.

You nodded, thanking her for always giving you the most wise advice. Before you could lose your nerve to do so, you packed up your books and parchment and walked outside. Ron heard you approaching and set his quill in his book before shutting it and setting it beside him. The trunk of the large oak tree he leaned against was thick enough that he didn’t even have to move over as you plopped down next to him. The hard bark of the tree pressed into your back but it was comforting to feel something to keep you grounded as you started this tricky conversation.

“Hi,” you said, refusing to look at him. His face was turned towards you but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn towards him. If you did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from kissing him.

“Hi,” he replied.

A long silence stretched out into the summer air before you both started talking at the same time.

“I wanted to talk to y-”

“We should probably t-”

Blushing, both of you stopped.

“You go first,” you said.

Ron nodded, his hands fiddling with the grass in front of him. He kept pulling at the roots, rolling the grass between his fingertips, and then pulling at the roots again. It was like he couldn’t keep his hands still, like he had to be doing something with them. You desperately wanted to reach over and grab his hands in yours, but before you could muster up the courage to do so, he began to speak.

“I wanted to apologize for last night,” he said. Your heart dropped. You came out here to tell him you had an amazing time and the only bad part was that you hadn’t had the courage to go further, to kiss him. Yet here he was, apologizing. Apologizing as if last night had been a mistake.

“I didn’t know I ate Fred and George’s Amortentia, so that’s probably why I was acting so…funny,” he said, trying to find the right word. His voice was low and he was talking fast, like he always did when he was nervous. “So, anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“It won’t happen again?” You asked, desperately hoping that wasn’t true. You turned to look Ron in the eyes, and as soon as you did he looked away.

“It was a mistake,” he said, his adams apple bobbing up and down as he spoke.

“Oh,” was all you managed to say.

And then Ron was standing up. He was standing up, gathering his school things, and walking away. Before you could even register what had happened, he was gone. You watched his retreating figure enter the house as you felt a hot tear slip down your cheek.

A mistake.

The word repeated in your brain and you choked on a sob. All you wanted, all you ever wanted from him was full honesty. And he had given it to you. He didn’t want you, not in the same way you wanted him. You had to accept that. You had to.

So you gave yourself 15 minutes. 15 minutes to sit outside, cry, and let yourself be sad about how the boy you loved didn’t love you back. After those 15 minutes, you promised yourself, you would walk back into the Burrow and pretend nothing happened. You would pretend Ron hadn’t almost kissed you in the bathroom upstairs. You would pretend he hadn’t cuddled with you the night he first came back to the Burrow, and you would pretend he hadn’t touched you with such passion the night before. You would pretend you weren’t deeply, madly in love with him.

You would go back to being best friends, just best friends. And you had to be okay with that, or else you would lose him.

Another late addition for sessrinweek: friends to lovers.

Hope it can be read, if not, he wants Jaken to take the basket from Rin to free her arms. :)

SEASONS CHANGE

THE LOVE ACT

pairing: clay jensen x fem!reader

word count: 800+

warnings: tooth rotting fluff

a/n: i sat down to write a completely different kind of a fic with clay, but then this somehow happened? hahaha. personally i don’t much like writing anything dialogue-free but i just couldn’t stop once i started this and i hope someone enjoys it anyways. :) also the ‘fem!reader’ is so mild, like, i only used gender terms a couple of times so if you just ignore them then it’s almost gn!reader

—————

Clay was the type of friend that you could do anything with, tell anything to, and be your complete, unfiltered self around. He was kind, funny, protective, and you were so thankful to have him in your life.

At this point, in Senior year, you’d been his best friend since you were very young. Your father’s taught together at the same university, and that meant you would see him whenever they met up for coffee, or to watch a game. It started off with your Dad handing you a little gift as you walked to the Jensen’s front door. He had knocked and then told you to wish Clay a happy birthday and hand it to him. Small, toddler hands reached for the box and found a colourful, toy robot inside. Father’s suggested their son and daughter to high five, or hug in thanks, and the rest is history. Ever since, you’d hung out almost every single day.

Then, things changed. Not in a bad way. Not at all. But you could tell things had shifted somewhere along the line; and you knew Clay felt it, too.

Your eyes met and took far longer than usual to fall away. Hands lingered, fingers reaching out to touch, but never meeting. Hugs felt a second longer than they used to. Things between you were more tense, and even your closest friends had noticed.

Jessica, Tyler, Tony… all of them could tell that there was something more between the two of you. There had been days where Jess had asked you about it, and for months you lied, telling her that everything was normal. You were just best friends and that was all. But then eventually, you gave in. and you told her how you felt about Clay, really.

Clay had said the same things to Justin and Tony. They spilled on their suspicions, and in time, were also let in on his truth. The only problem was that neither of you would admit it to each other.

At first you were afraid of losing Clay if he ever found out, but the secret found it’s way through your friend group, and it wasn’t very long until both of you knew. Being mad at your friends only crossed your mind for a few hours, thoughts of the boy you were falling for taking over.

Quickly after, you realised that your fears were just that. He wasn’t going anywhere. All your cards - and his - were on the table, and he was still inviting you over for movie nights, and study sessions, and whatever other reason he could come up with to spend more and more time with you. But he also always remained subtle and shy.

There was no push. You didn’t feel any pressure whatsoever to discuss what you had both revealed, or to act on it in any way. You did the same for him, never asking questions or trying to talk about it; no matter how much you wanted to. Neither of you forced any kind of uninvited contact. Even though, every time you even glanced in Clay’s direction now, you could so easily imagine yourselves together.

Your arms wrapped around him, your lips on his, your bodies tangled together. The images left your skin tingling, your body itching to act. And, finally, on a particular evening after school, you did.

It was a normal night. A Thursday. You both wanted to finish you robotics project that, of course, you had been working together on for a couple of weeks now. Clay asked you hold something in place while he collected some glue from a drawer, but then you slipped, or your hand cramped, or… something, and the robot fell. Two hands were swift to catch it, your fingers grazing over each other’s as you carefully placed it back on the counter.

But neither of your hands moved. Both of them still touching as you felt Clay hook his index finger around yours. You reacted by doing the same, glancing up into slightly wide, hopeful eyes. Clay was brave in a lot of ways, but at this moment you thought maybe shyness would overcome him and he would back away. The next few moments proved you wrong.

Clay’s fingertips brushed along and around the skin of your hand as he tested the waters, making his move and linking your hands together. Palm against palm, you watched in wonder as he smiled, loving the way it felt to properly hold a part of you. He reached to take the other hand, and you felt your own smile grow.

The spark between you crackled and shone, and a couple of seconds felt like a lifetime, before he took the ultimate step and asked you a simple, but life altering question. To which, you had an equally simple and equally life altering answer. Yes.

Eyes searched and lingered, before finally falling closed. Hands roamed, fingers wandering, feeling everywhere they could reach. Bodies moved closely together. Everything fell into place, and you felt so undoubtedly loved.

—————

I’ll probably comeback and edit this at some point - there are parts I’m not sure about, but it was written at 1am with no planning so I hope you liked so far :)

[my gif - from sideblog @dojolarusso​​]

pairing:daniel larusso x fem!reader

word count: 5491

warnings: a little bit of whump, a couple of curse words, secret keeping? not sure - i’m just trying to cover all bases!

a/n: can also be found on wattpadandao3:)

You’d almost had it: almost. Mr Miyagi had said he was teaching you karate, yet you had been stood there covered in paint, arms completely dead, incredibly tired and confused. You remember when he had come home from the apartment complex on that night, you finally snapped at him, yelling accusations at Mr Miyagi, you complained about acting like his slave. “I would’ve done all of these things for you, anyway! But you said I was training; this is bullshit!” Mr Miyagi grunted, claiming, ‘Ah, you are.“ At which point, you swore at him for a second time and began to walk away, fully intending not to come back. But, something in his voice as he called your name to, 'come here,’ made you stop in your tracks and turn around. The next few minutes were intense and felt like something out of an expertly written hero novel.

How were you to know that all along, he was teaching you perseverance and muscle memory? Each chore - waxing, washing, painting, sanding… was his genius way of instilling the blocks into your mind. You felt stupid, though you probably had good reason to get mad, and you realised that he knew you eventually would.

After that, you did everything he told you to do. If he wanted you to join him on a fishing trip and stand dangerously on the edge of the bow, you would. If he asked you to fix up a hole in the wall, hammer some nails, sweep the floors - whatever the task may be; you would do it, knowing that there was always a lesson to learn with him. And even if there wasn’t one, you couldn’t deny helping your best friend.

You had a great deal of respect for your friend and sensei. When you moved into the apartment complex, you were pretty introverted, and you didn’t get out all that much. You only left the house for school and a little fresh air every so often. You also didn’t have many friends; the people you spoke to were merely classmates and project partners. But then the fridge at your place had decided to pack in, everything inside melted and turned rotten, so your Mum told you to go and find the 'maintenance man’. That’s when you first met Mr Miyagi.

A few weeks later, after your shower had decided to break this time, you went to see him again and found him trimming little bonsai trees. You had had a few bonsais since you were young, but unfortunately, you always managed to kill them; that was until Mr Miyagi happily agreed to teach you how to care for them properly.

A few months passed, and you had somehow learned about his family karate, and it took a lot of convincing, but you managed to get him to agree to train you, thinking that it would give you more to do and it would, of course, come in handy if you ever needed to use it. Your parents were thrilled about this. Finally, you had made a friend and had more reasons to leave the house daily, rather than spending so much time watching TV.

A pact, some chores, and a magical moment later, you were best friends first, and then teacher and a student second. And there was not a single day where you didn’t go to see him for at least a minute, even if it was just to say a quick hello.

-

About a year later, when Mr Miyagi casually brought up in conversation that he had a new student, you were pretty damn confused. "Since when? How did I not notice this?”

“Ah, bad timing. Every time Miyagi with him, you with bonsai, or someplace else.” He pointed out. “New student, ah, live only a few doors from Y/N-san apartment, too.”

“Oh.” You wonder if you’ve already met this person or maybe passed them on the way to school without really noticing. You carefully snip some more leaves from your latest little bonsai project. “Well, how come you’re training this kid, anyway? It took me some real grovelling and persistence to convince you to teach me.”

“Hai.” Mr Miyagi laughs at this. “Boy, uh, have problem with friends. Beat up many times, so make a deal with wacko sensei.” You hear the little sounds of him gently spraying some of the trees. “Fight in tournament, then leave boy alone.”

“The All Valley?” You frown.

“Hai.”

“So, this new student of yours… has to win the whole tournament, and then they’ll stop beating up on him?”

“Win, lose, no matter. If he makes good fight, will earn respect, then nobody bother.” Mr Miyagi pauses for a moment then, before smiling and nodding at you. “Miyagi, glad you no get into fights.”

“I don’t know anyone to get into a fight with.” You laugh. “Unless you are down for a match, huh, Mr Miyagi?”

“Ha, Y/N-san, you much humour.” He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then you watch as he smirks a little. “Much like Daniel-san. Hm, you would make good friends.”

“Daniel.. that’s his name, then?”

“Ah, yes. And both ask a lot of question, too.”

“So,” You put down your clippers and shuffle around on your chair to face Mr Miyagi properly, resting your elbow on the counter. “When can I meet this new student of yours?”

“Come. We go right now.”

“Uh… now?” You watch him place the spray bottle down and walk towards the door. “Wait, Mr Miyagi?” You laugh in disbelief as you take your jacket from a small peg and slip it back on, swiftly moving to follow your friend.

-

“Y/N-san?” Mr Miyagi calls your name just as you get to catch up to him, and you both start to walk towards where the truck is, parked up outside of the apartment complex. “Ah. You drive, let’s go.”

He hands you the keys, and you frown. “I didn’t mean we should go right now, you know.”

“Is good time to go, Daniel-san is back at house. Have to check on him anyway.”

“What-” You flashback to the day you spent washing and waxing every single car in Miyagi’s front yard. “Oh! First lesson, huh?”

“Hai.” You give each other a knowing look, and then both hop into the truck and head off. You spend the short journey wondering how long Daniel will last before losing it over the chores and sore shoulders.

-

“Ah, good work, Daniel-san.” Mr Miyagi looks over the cars as he walks by them all. Before Daniel can register his comment or even speak, Mr Miyagi introduces the two of you. “This is Y/N-san, a special friend to Miyagi.”

“Hey! Yeah, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You offer a hand to Daniel while Miyagi disappears into the house. “Good to meet you.”

“Uh, hi.” Daniel drops the giant yellow sponge into the bucket by his feet, wipes his sweaty forehead with his arm and then shakes your hand. 

“Daniel… LaRusso.”

“So, how’s it going, newbie?”

“'Newbie’?” Daniel frowns. “What do you mean, 'newbie’?”

“Well, I was Mr Miyagi’s first student, so that makes you the newbie… right?” You smirk and then turn around and start to circle the car, pretending to inspect his work.

“You know karate?” You stop and look over the car at Daniel, giving him an accusatory look, as if to say, 'are you being judgemental because I am a female who knows martial arts?’ Daniel catches it right away and starts fumbling with his words. “No! I didn’t mean because you’re- I mean, I’m not being- I was asking as a general question, I-”

“Okay, okay. Jeez, chill out, rambles. You know I was messing with you?”

“Yeah… yeah.” His mouth slightly agape, he diverts his eyes, looking anywhere but at you. “Right.”

“Alright. Well, I’m going to go and say goodbye to Miyagi, and then head home, so”, You finish your circle around the car, standing next to Daniel again and giving the car a couple of slaps. “I will hopefully see you soon. Nice meeting ya.”

“You too.” As you walk towards the house, you hear the sloshing of the water as Daniel picks up the sponge. You smile and mutter to yourself as you walk, “Good luck with the sanders.”

-

The next day, Mr Miyagi sits in the garden, sanding the edges of the boardwalk, waiting for Daniel. You had spent the morning here, throwing punches and practising kicks on the heavy bag.

“Oh, man, this is beautiful. Mr Miyagi, this is great. You’ve got real fish in there.” You stop kicking, catching the bag and watching as Daniel walks through the garden, spilling compliments and looking around in awe. “This is outrageous. I thought Chung Lee’s restaurant was nice. You beat his act. This is paradise.”

You find yourself laughing at his rambling as Mr Miyagi just carries on with his work. He barely mutters an “Hai” when Daniel asks, “Did you do this yourself?”

You walk over to join them, staring down as Daniel sits down and picks up the sanders. “Are these bongos? No, I got it.”

You giggle when he starts to sing. Mr Miyagi finally looks up, too, joining in on the laughter. “Daniel-san, you much humour.” You twitch a brow at that same compliment Mr Miyagi had paid you just last night.

“Mr Miyagi, I’m going to head home now.” You walk around them, patting Daniel on the shoulder. “See you around, Danny.”

He looks up, and you momentarily find yourself enjoying the sunlit view of his tanned face and perfectly shaped lips. “You’re not staying?”

“Uh-” You shake your head a little, snapping yourself out of it. “No. Probably best I leave you guys to it.”

Daniel looks between you and Miyagi. “But aren’t you, like, still learning, too?”

“Always. But I don’t want to be intruding; this is only your second lesson, after all.” You look back to your teacher, who is smiling at you both. “Mr Miyagi, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You bow to your sensei and then to Daniel. During your bike ride home, you can’t help grinning as you think about your fellow student, especially in that green plaid he’d been wearing.

-

You are sitting with your legs dangling over the edge of the pool when Daniel walks through the complex. “Y/N?”

“Oh, hey, Danny.”

“What’re you doin’ out here” He stops next to the steps and sits down on the lowest one.

“Just enjoying the evening breeze. How was it with Mr Miyagi today?”

You clock the hand he has rested against his shoulder. He moves it around, grimacing. “Um…”

“Something wrong?” You prompt.

“No, it’s just, I-” He stands up again. “What was your second lesson with him?”

You think quickly about how to reply, not wanting to give anything away. “The first few weeks were mostly learning to block and balance. Why?”

Daniel opens and closes his mouth like a fish, wanting to reply but not knowing what to say. “I- Nothin’.”

“What’s the matter, Danny?” You feel a pang of sympathy for him, remembering how bad your shoulders ached after sanding floors all day long. “You okay?”

“Yeah.. yeah, I’m good. Forget it.” He points up to his apartment. “I gotta go. I’ll see you… Well, whenever I do.”

He starts walking up the steps as you move to stand. “Goodnight, Daniel.”

He turns and smiles. “I think I like you calling me 'Danny’, actually.”

“Alright, then. Night, Danny.” You bow to him, and he does the same back, but you stop him before he turns around. “Hey!”

“What?” He looks alarmed.

“When you bow, you must always keep eye contact.” He nods, and then you bow to each other properly before you both head home.

-

Early the next day, you catch Daniel on his way out. “Danny!”

“Y/N.” He runs down the steps to where you’re sitting with Mrs Milo’s dog. You’d said you would sit with him while she stepped out for a few hours. “Hey, pup.” Daniel reaches down to pet the dog, scratching his neck and ears.

“Off to Mr Miyagi’s?”

“Yeah.” He spots your watch as he glances up from the dog. “And I’m late already. See you!” He runs off, waving back at you as he goes.

“Bye!” You yell back, your eyes popping open when you remember it’s just past six in the morning: your neighbours are probably sleeping still. You glance down at the dog, rubbing his head. “Oops.”

-

That same evening, you see Daniel again when you are just about to go into your apartment. You just get your key in the door when you hear his little grunts of pain. “Someone’s home late. Where you been, Danny boy? Hm?”

“At Mr Miyagi’s place.” He glances up and looks somewhat annoyed at your question. “You know that!”

“Oh, sorry.” You hold your hands up in mock surrender, smiling.

“Sorry. Just-”

“Something wrong?”

“I-” Daniel stands at the bottom of the stairs, while you stand at the top, looking down on him while he squeezes his shoulder with one hand, occasionally wincing. “My shoulders just hurt pretty bad.”

“Oh, well, just put some ice or heat on them and get some rest; I’m sure you’ll be just fine. And right as rain for your next lesson, huh?” You nod at him and then spin around, knowing full well that he’s going to call you back.

“Wait, Y/N.” You smirk; your prediction was correct. You turn back around. “Can I ask you something about your training?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Did Mr Miyagi ever- I mean did he ask you to- I mean did you end up doing-”

You raise your brows, tapping your fingers in a patterned sequence against the railing. “Come on, Danny. Get it out.”

He huffs. “Look at this!”

He points to his clothing, particular spots that have splashes of paint on them. Some of it is dried, but other bits are still shiny in the moonlight, showing you that it’s still fresh; and that he hasn’t long finished chore number three. He also turns his head to show the paint smudge that decorates his left ear and the spots that made it into his hair. “I’ve been painting the goddamn fences all night! My shoulders are killing, my legs ache… and I haven’t learned a thing that’s gonna help me in the tournament!”

“What about your other lessons? Maybe this was just something Mr Miyagi needed help with.” You keep up your play-dumb act. “I mean, I did have to go grocery shopping for him a few times.”

“Washing and waxing the cars, sanding the floors…” Daniel sighs, letting the grip on his shoulder go and rotating it in circles, stretching. “I guess he had his first student, and now I’m just the chore boy, the personal assistant, the-”

“Danny,” You climb swiftly down the stairs, putting your finger to his mouth. “Shush. Chill out! Mr Miyagi is a great man. Maybe… maybe he just needed some help with a few things. Stick it out, and help the man who - by the way - saved your life… yes, I know about Halloween, and then just trust me when I say that you won’t regret it. He’s the best teacher I could’ve asked for. Not that I’ve ever known another teacher, but… you get my point.”

“Um,” Daniel follows your finger as you pull it away from his pouty lips. He looks dumbstruck for a while before he collects himself and responds. 

“Right. Yeah, yeah. If you say so.”

“I do say so.” Your gaze flicker between Daniel’s eyes and his shoulder. “Can I, um-”

He blinks, his head jerking back a tiny bit, confused. “Can you what?”

“Let me,” You push his so that he turns a little, giving you better access to his pained shoulder. “Here.” You put both hands on the area, watching his face for any non-consensual hesitation. When he doesn’t show any, you start rubbing his skin, kneading like you would with dough. Every couple of seconds, you squeeze his shoulder, trying to ease out any amount of tension and - or - pain. Only a few minutes pass before you start to feel a little bit awkward, but also somewhat comfortable; like taking care of Daniel is something you could possibly enjoy and do each day, every day.

Your eyes widen a little, and you clear your throat. “Uh, any better?”

“Wow.” His moonlight lit cocoa brown eyes have a sparkle to them as your gazes meet this time. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you.”

“It’s fine. So, what are you going to do about Mr Miyagi?”

“I’m gonna meet him tomorrow, of course, I am.”

“Okay,” You feel a little sad for Daniel again. You’d kind of been enjoying the turnaround thus far: watching someone else have to do all of Mr Miyagi’s chores and not knowing why. But Daniel was losing it quicker than you did back when, and you were starting to feel sad for him. You hope more than anything that he keeps showing up so that he can finally see that he’s been learning all along. “Danny, come 'ere.”

“Wh- oh!” Before he can ask what you mean, you throw your arms up and around his neck, pulling him down slightly for a hug. It takes a short moment for him to return the gesture, his own arms coming to circle your waist. “What’s this for?”

You feel the puffs of air as he speaks on your neck, and it sends little tingles running along your scalp, arms and legs. “Just 'cause. Just wishing my friend goodnight, you know?”

“Yeah, okay.” He frowns as you pull away, not meeting his eye now. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Danny.” You run back up the stairs and head back to your apartment. “Don’t go running off yet, okay?”

He nods, and then you are back inside in ten seconds flat, closing the door behind you and wondering why you had suddenly gotten so shy out there. You cover your face with your hands, “damn it.”

“What, honey?” Your Mum makes you jump with her sudden question.

“Nothin’!” You reply.

She looks at you with an amused expression. “Okay, well, get some sleep; you have school tomorrow.”

You nod and then plop yourself down on the sofa. 'Damn it,’ You think. 'I’m crushing on the new kid, aren’t I?’

-

“… maybe next time you’ll get some better bites, huh?” You hop down from Mr Miyagi’s truck, closing the door and waiting for a reply.

He gets down from the passenger’s side and goes to collect his fishing gear from the back. “Miyagi hope so, Y/N-san.”

“Danny!” When you look up, you see Daniel stood on the highest part of the ladder, paintbrush in hand and looking rather tired. “How’s it going up there?”

“Y/N!?”

“Ah, missed spot.” You shake your head at Mr Miyagi, trying not to laugh.

“What spot!?” He climbs down from the ladder and follows you and Mr Miyagi into the garden. “Hey, how come you didn’t tell me you were going fishing?”

“You not here when we go.”

“'We?’ Y/N, you too?” Daniel glares at you, causing you to look surprised. “Maybe I wanted to go, too, didn’t you think of that?”

“You karate training.”

“Danny, you’re supposed to be training.” You and Mr Miyagi both talk at once, chuckling to yourselves afterwards.

Daniel looks between you both like you are crazy. “I’m what!? I’m being your goddamn slave; that’s what’s happening! We made a deal here.”

“So?”

“'So?’ You’re supposed to teach, and I’m supposed to learn.”

You stop when you reach the doors to the house, you catch his hand, trying to get him to stop and calm down with your softened voice. “Danny…”

“No.” He huffs and pulls his hand from your hold. “For four days, I’ve been busting my ass, and I haven’t learned a thing!”

You steal Mr Miyagi’s line, the same one he’d said to you at this point a year ago. “You’ve learned plenty.”

“I’ve learned plenty?” Daniel turns back to Mr Miyagi. “I’ve learned to sand your decks, maybe. I’ve waxed your car, I paint your house, paint your fence. I’ve learned plenty, right.”

“Not everything is as seems.”

Daniel glances at you once again, with his mouth hanging open. He gestures to Mr Miyagi, eyes burning into yours like he is waiting for an explanation from you. You just smirk and nod, and he shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t believe this- this is bullshit!” He turns around, “I’m going home, man!”

“Daniel-san. Daniel-san!” The boom in Mr Miyagai’s voice causes you to jump a little.

Daniel spins around, gripping his shoulder and looking wholly done with everything. “What?”

“Come here.”

You pat Daniel’s back. “And that’s my cue to duck out. See you later!” You disappear into the front yard quickly, hopping onto your bike and heading home, leaving Daniel to his big moment of realisation.

-

The following day, Mr Miyagi called and invited you to join him and Daniel at the beach; it was time for his lesson in balance. You’d rarely uttered the word 'no’ to your teacher in the past, but today was a different story.

“No… I don’t think I can make it, Mr Miyagi.”

“Ah, you have other plans?”

“Uh- no. I just… don’t feel well.”

“Miyagi know when Y/N-san no telling the truth, even through telephone.”

“What? I-”

“Y/N-san, come. We go to the beach: one of your favourite places, ah?”

You hold the phone away from yourself for a second, huffing and then replying. “Okay, fine. I’ll bike there, though, don’t worry about coming to pick me up.”

“Ah!" You can practically hear Mr Miyagi’s glee through the phone. "Very good. See you soon.”

“Okay, bye-bye.”

You put down the phone and get ready to leave as slowly as possible. You had come home last night happy; you were pretty amused at yourself because you got out of there so quickly once Mr Miyagi had called Daniel back. You had been finding all of it somewhat funny. Watching the new student go through all of the chores, slowly getting more and more frustrated before they finally had enough and… well, you were regretting it a little bit now.

Daniel had rejected you when you tried to hold his hand and calm him last night. He’d looked at you like a hurt puppy, and that one evening when he’d complained to you about his aching shoulder: everything was twisting in your mind from a joke to a matter of feeling like a terrible friend. You thought that maybe Daniel would be mad at you for not telling him what was going on, primarily since it had caused him physical pain. But then, you’d also been through the same thing, feeling confused and taken advantage of by an older man who had made you a promise.

You were just messed up in your head, and it probably had a lot to do with the fact that you were also crushing on Daniel now. You sighed loudly, finally ready to go.

-

When you arrived at the beach, you instantly spotted Mr Miyagi’s truck, parked up and empty. You hopped off of your bike and lifted it into the back, knowing that Mr Miyagi wouldn’t mind you doing so and then headed down to the sand.

You felt like running away the second you saw your teacher and fellow student waiting for you. You tried not to meet Daniel’s eye and looked straight to Mr Miyagi instead. He bowed upon you reaching them and then gave out his instructions. “Daniel-san, you go water. Practise kick, learn balance.”

Daniel nodded, taking his headband from his pocket and tying it around his head. Meanwhile, Mr Miyagi turned his attention to you. “You go, too. Practise balance.”

Your eyes popped open. “Wait, what? I didn’t come prepared to get in the water!” You gestured down at your clothes: jeans, a graphic tee and an oversized button-up shirt that was tied around your waist. However, when you looked up again, Mr Miyagi was halfway up the beach, walkings towards the stumps. “Uh, okay. I guess I’m doing it anyway, then.”

You listen, despite your slight annoyance. At the end of the day, you knew that balance was the skill you needed to work on the most. So you walked up to the water, with Daniel following close behind.

With the water barely touching your toes, you rolled up your jeans as far as they would go. Daniel walked into the water first, taking a few steps before stopping and putting his hands on his hips. He looked back at you, yelling, “It’s freezing!”

You simply nodded, walking a few feet away from Daniel and into the water yourself. You shivered at the temperature as you went as far out as you could before the water came up to your knees. It took merely two kicks before you were wiped out by a huge wave. You looked over at Daniel, who was actually doing okay. His kicks weren’t perfect, but he hadn’t fallen yet.

When he noticed you shuffling back onto the squishy sand, he walked closer. “Are you good?”

“Fine.” He offered his hand, but you waved it off, pushing yourself up and simply standing far enough in the water so that you could watch it wash over your feet and disappear again. “Go. I’m fine. Just not really dressed for this right now.”

Daniel frowned but went back to his training anyway.

-

“How did you do that!?”

“How did you do that!?” You and Daniel both freaked out at the same time after watching Mr Miyagi break four beer bottles at once.

The drunk men were the opposite in their reactions, looking rather shocked and possibly scared. They quickly moved the bottles and brushed away the broken glass into a bag along with the rest of their trash.

You follow Mr Miyagi as he gets up into the truck, “Hey, how did you do that?”

“Don’t know. First time.” He looks pleased with himself as you chuckle in disbelief. “Y/N-san, you want ride back?”

“Uh, no. I can just take my bike; it’s okay, I promise.”

“Okay.” He nods. “You come for dinner later?”

“Sure, yeah.”

You bow to each other and then walk to the back of the truck to get your bike. As you do, a gust of wind sweeps over you, causing shivers and goosebumps over your skin.

“Why don’t you have a towel?” Daniel asks then, coming up beside you.

“It’s like I said, I didn’t really come prepared to go in the sea.”

“Here,” he tries to wrap his towel around you, but you shove him away. “Wh-? I’m just trying to help.”

“Yeah… and then you’ll be the one freezing instead, idiot.”

“Oh, so last night I was 'Danny’, and now I’m 'idiot’, huh?” He wraps the towel around you successfully the second time, not letting you push him away. “Here. We’ll share.”

You roll your eyes, sighing, but grabbing on to the end of the towel anyway, pulling it around you a little more. “Thanks.”

“What’s up with you, anyway? Something wrong?”

Your head whips around to look up at him. “What? Why?”

“You were all helpful the other night and today; it’s like you hate me all of a sudden.”

You huffed and looked away again.

“Mr Miyagi, Y/N and me want to stay here a little while… if that’s okay.” Your eyes widen as Daniel leans onto the window of the truck, letting go of the towel so that it hangs on you only.

“Wait-” Daniel shush you by simply raising his hand. Mr Miyagi lets him know that it’s just fine before he shuffles into the driver’s seat and is gone before you know it. “I- my bike…”

“Come on, Y/N, we’ll just walk back. It’s not that far.”

“But-”

“Come on, let’s just go and sit down for a little bit.” You follow him to the stone wall, where you both sit, dangling your legs over the edge. “So what’s up?”

“You.” You blurt out.

Daniel laughs. “Wait, why me? What did I do?”

“It’s what I did.”

“You’re really confusing me, Y/N.”

You turn around then, finally meeting his eye and trying to act tough. “Why aren’t you annoyed at me? I didn’t tell you about the lessons! I kept it secret and watched you suffer through all those damn chores when I knew all along, and just- ugh- you should so mad that I didn’t tell you-”

“That’s it!?” Daniel shuts you up by raising his own voice to get your attention back; it works. “That’s why you’re acting so strange? Man, you are weird.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Weirdo.”

“Wow.” You scoff. “I really shouldn’t have felt so bad about it.”

“No, you shouldn’t. It’s not a huge deal, Y/N. At least I know now.”

“But I still feel bad. You looked more annoyed than I did at that point last night.”

“Hey, wait.” Daniel frowns, knocking his knee into yours. “Did you curse at Mr Miyagi too?”

“Uh- yes! Of course. I also accused him of making me his little worker bee.” You laugh. “Although, it took me a little longer. I had one more lesson before I went nuts.”

“Which was?” Daniel prods.

“I’m not telling! You’ll find out soon enough.”

“But you just made a big deal out of feeling bad for not telling me about the chores!”

“And you just said it wasn’t a big deal!”

“Ugh.” Daniel huffs.

“Ugh.” You copy him.

You look out at the sea for a moment, watching it glitter in the sunlight. Then you close your eyes and flashback to training with Mr Miyagi on the cliffs. “He’ll teach you kata soon. I really love that; it’s… relaxing.”

“Really?” You nod, and then you start to feel awkward again as Daniel continues to look at you without saying anything further.

“What?”

Daniel shrugs. “Nothin’.” He looks away again but keeps looking back every couple of seconds. You’re about to say something when he suddenly stands up. “Oh! I have something for you.”

“For me?”

“Yeah…” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a headband. It’s black with a white line pattern that forms star shapes throughout.

“Mr Miyagi, let me have this one,” he adjusts his own as he mentions it, “but I noticed that you haven’t worn one yet. So… I’m hoping you don’t have one already. Otherwise, this is a terrible gift. Do you have one already? 'Cause I’ll just go and bury myself in the sand if this is the worst gift ever.”

“Danny, the ramble king, is back, I see. Shut up and give me the damn thing!”

“Uh, if you’re gonna be rude, then no.” He moves it away, but you snatch it from his hands and tie it around your head straight away. “Does it look good?”

“Looks great.”

You fiddle with it until it feels right, then smile up at your friend. “Thanks, Danny.”

“Does the nickname mean we’re good? You’re not mad at me for being mad at you, even though I wasn’t mad at you, to begin with?”

“I can’t believe I understood that. But we’re better than good.”

“Okay.” Daniel sits back down, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by you that he sits closer this time, your arms and legs pressed against each other.

“Good. 'Cause, there’s something I wanna ask you.”

“What’s that?”

“There isn’t some teacher or co-worker style of a rule that says two karate students can’t go out… right?” Your eyes widen, and your full attention is on Daniel, watching his talk as he looks out to sea and slowly sneaks his hand over to cover yours. “Right?”

“Uh, I don’t think there is, actually.”

“So?”

You try to sustain the grin that threatens to show itself on your face. “Gold 'N’ Stuff?”

“What?”

“For our date? On… Saturday?”

“Uh- yes! Saturday’s my birthday. Talk about the best birthday ever!” Daniel’s fist pumps the air, and you can’t hold back your laughter at his dork nature.

“Pick me up at 7?”

“You got it.”

You smile again, reaching up to take his chin between your fingers and turning him to face you once more. You glance at his lips and then up to his eyes, asking for permission. He looks surprised, but he nods before putting his free hand on your neck and pulling you in for a soft, sweet and utterly too short of a kiss. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as you pull away, eyes closed.

Daniel sighs before saying, “the chores and achy arms were worth it to get to meet you, you know, Y/N.”

Track six: I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: It’s time for Jace to finally make his move on Simon, planning to grovel for his forgiveness before asking the vampire out on a date that was long overdue. It should be easy enough but Simon seems determined to keep out of Jace’s way and when a seelie starts to take an interest in the daylighter Jace’s jealousy gets the better of him.

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first

Jace felt sick.

Nervously he fiddled with his clothes, tugging his tie down to open the top two buttons of his shirt. He hated wearing suits, they were stuffy and restrictive and left Jace feeling like he was being suffocated. Having it on didn’t help his nerves any, Jace desperately wishing he could strip it all off and slip back into his jeans and black henley, his leather jacket pulled on like a piece of armor over top. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like he was about to walk unarmed into a horde of shax daemons. At least he had been able to convince Magnus to let him wear all black instead of the cobalt blue monstrosity he had tried to force him into.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before.” Jace’s eyes flickered up, glaring at Alec through the mirror he had been stood in front for the last half hour fussing over his appearance. He was leant in Jace’s open doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles, managing to look both relaxed and stern all at once. Magnus had managed to get him into a slightly flashier suit than he was used to, the thing mostly black with gold roses on the right forearm and left wrist as well as the left best. He had left the jacket open, his crisp white shirt on display and a black and gold bowtie to match. He looked good, well put together and Jace had little to no doubt that was all Magnus’s doing.

Huffing Jace darted his eyes back to his reflection, watching his hands as he began to fiddle with his cuffs, tugging them down slightly. He had a right to be nervous. He was either going to walk away from tonight in a relationship or with a broken heart and even more reasons why he shouldn’t open up to anyone. He didn’t think Simon was the kind of guy to laugh at someone in this kind of situation but the thought had crossed Jace’s mind in the last three days and he was half way convinced that was how Simon would react. That or he would just take one look at Jace and walk away without him even having gotten the chance to open his mouth.

“You look fine.” Alec’s reassurance cut through Jace’s nerves and he sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to stop himself from falling into a full blown panic. “I always look fine,” Jace smirked at Alec through the mirror, winking at his parabatai for good measure. Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes as he pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards him. “Debatable but whatever helps you sleep at night.” He stepped up behind Jace, a large hand curling around his elbow and gently he turned Jace round to face him. He went willingly, his nervous hands falling to his side and he looked up at the other man with an uneasy smile. He felt a little calmer with Alec there, like he wasn’t going into this fight alone and unprepared. His parabatai would have his back, he always did.

“You’re going to be fine Jace,” Alec said as he smoothed the lapels of Jace’s jacket down, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands. Jace let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Alec, what if he…” he didn’t get a chance to finish, Alec cutting him off with a sharp “no.” Scowling Alec stepped back, deft fingers going back to Jace’s collar and refastening the buttons, all the while looking down at Jace with a mix of disapproval and annoyance. “None of this what if rubbish. You can’t be thinking about that right now or you will talk yourself out of this before we even make it downstairs.” He tightened Jace’s tie, pushing it back up against his collar and fiddling to make sure it was in the center.

Jace scowled, already starting to feel uncomfortable but Alec just raised an eyebrow at him, as if he was daring Jace to try and undo it again. Huffing Jace dropped his gaze, looking off to the side and definitely not pouting. Simon always insisted Jace did it when he sulked after not getting his way and Jace was adamant that he didn’t, no matter what anyone else said. The thought of the other man had Jace’s chest tightening and stomach rolling. He didn’t know it was possible to feel sick and fond all at once but apparently he had been wrong. He had been wrong a lot lately so why not carry that on into tonight? He could only hope that he didn’t turn out to be wrong about taking this risk with Simon.

Sighing Jace lifted his hand, planning on running it through his hair but before he could even get it half way up Alec’s hand was darting out, slapping Jace’s hand away before he could ruin his hair that he had spent far too long styling, making sure it was perfect. “I get it,” Alec reassured, stepping back slightly and folding his arms behind his back and completely ignoring Jace’s scowl. “It’s hard to admit your feelings to someone, especially when you don’t know how they feel in return but if you don’t take the risk you’ll always be wondering what if.” Jace fought the urge to groan and roll his eyes. Ever since the dinner he had had with Alec and Magnus the other night his parabatai had been sprouting stuff like this and it was slowly starting to get to Jace. It didn’t help that he was right. Every single bit of romantic nonsense he came out with was right and Jace hated it.

He had thought that after everything with Clary it would have been easier to tell Simon that he had feelings for him but it was proving to be anything but. At least Simon knew how rubbish he was at these sorts of things so it wouldn’t be a surprise to the brunette when he undoubtedly fucked up somewhere along the line. “Plus if Simon actually hurts you I finally get a valid reason to kick his scrawny ass,” Alec shrugged as he looked off to the side, his eyes lazily moving around the room but Jace could see the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Jace huffed in amusement, shaking his head slightly and smiling back. Even if Simon did turn Jace down tonight he wouldn’t let Alec beat him up for it. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same way and he would hate for the tentative friendship Simon and Alec had built up to fall apart just because the vampire said no.

Uncrossing his arms Alec clasped one of Jace’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Now come on, people started arriving half an hour ago, including your vampire and Izzy can only keep him distracted for so long.” Alec inclined his head towards the door, looking at Jace expectantly. He pulled in a deep breath as he readied himself for what was to come. Simon was down there somewhere and it was Jace’s mission to find him and try and at least fix what had gone wrong between the two of them. That should be easy enough, right? All he had to do was put aside his petty jealousies and insecurities and open up about his feelings to a guy he was almost one hundred percent sure didn’t return his affections. Yeah he could do that, in theory at least, the reality might be a little different.

Rolling his shoulders Jace stood up straighter, head held high and smirk in place. Maybe if he looked confident he might feel it. “Lead the way oh fearless leader,” Jace gestured towards the door, grinning widely. Alec huffed in amusement, rolling his eyes but he still turned, striding across the room. Jace waited for Alec to get half way across the room before he started to follow him, pulling his door closed behind him with a soft click. He tried not to think about Simon or how the night could go as they made their way downstairs, instead focusing on keeping his breathing even and his heart rate steady but it’s a hard task to accomplish when he almost feels like he’s heading to the gallows, Simon waiting for him as either the executioner with his sharpened axe or his savior with a letter of pardon.

The gentle murmur of chatter gets louder as they made their way to the room Magnus and Izzy had designated for tonight’s activities, the soft mix of piano and violins giving the idle chatter almost a musical quality that any other time Jace might have appreciated but as they stepped into the already crowded hall Jace had one thing on his mind and his eyes instantly swept through the crowed of people. It didn’t take long for him to find who he was after, his breath catching as he finally laid eyes on Simon for the first time in weeks.

He looked good but Jace had known how enticing the vampire looked in a suit since Alec’s not wedding to Lydia. Unlike the dark suit he had worn that night though this one was a deep crimson, the cut of it tailored perfectly to show off Simon’s trim waist and broad shoulders. He had a matching red tie on over a crisp black shirt and his black shoes were polished to the point the light glinted off of them. His normally unruly hair was slicked back, his dark eyes rimed in black eyeliner to rival that of Magnus’s and his lips a soft glossy pink. He looked handsome and dangerous, a smirk pulling at his lips as he leaned in slightly to talk to Izzy, a pale hand gently curling around her waist and drawing her in.

Jace once again felt that flash of jealousy, wishing it was him in Izzy’s place with the vampires hand curled around his waist and whispering in Jace’s ear. He wanted to his lips pressing against his neck, Simon’s laughter rumbling against his delicate skin as Jace slid his hands under his suit jacket to feel the muscles he knew when hidden under his clothes. Jace wanted to beg and plead, sink to his knees with Simon’s hand in his hair and those to dark eyes looking only at him. He wants Simon lounging on his bed, legs spread and still in that suit, looking at him with hunger in his eyes and like Jace was the only one who could ever satisfy him.

He couldn’t do this.

“Nope, can’t do it,” he stated, promptly spinning on his heels and making to leave the room. He didn’t get more then two steps before strong hands were gripping his shoulders, pulling him backwards and spinning him back round. “Yes you can,” Alec said flatly, keeping his hands on Jace’s shoulders as he moved to stand slightly behind him, as if he could stop Jace from trying to escape again. Jace would like to see him try. “No I can’t,” he gritted out even as his eyes automatically went back to Simon. He was laughing, his smile so wide it looked almost painful. Jace had missed that, and his laugh and the stupid references that he didn’t always get. Jace had missed Simon and watching him now just made it more painfully obvious how empty his life had been these last few weeks without the other man there.

“And why not?” Alec asked tersely, his grip tightening slightly as Jace turned to face him. “Look at him Alec.” Jace hissed, gesturing blindly behind him towards where Simon had been just moments ago and not at all being subtle about it. “How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with him when all I want to do is rip his clothes off?” Alec pulled a face at Jace’s admission, his nose scrunching up in distaste. Slowly his eyes lifted past Jace, looking over to Simon and the distaste gave way to something closer to curiosity than anything else. “Now that you mention it he does look better in a suit than his normal clothes,” he mumbled, head tipping to the side, his eyes slowly moving down. Jace bristled at the action, he knew that look, had seen it directed one to many times his way and then Magnus’s. “Sort of reminds me of Magnus with all that makeup on,” he mumbled, almost to himself more than Jace.

Jace stepped into Alec’s space, pointing a finger at him. “Touch him and I will end you,” he threatened, not liking the considering look his parabatai was giving Simon. Alec arched an eyebrow at him, an amused smirk pulling one side of his mouth up. Jace was glad he was finding this all so funny because he wasn’t. “And why shouldn’t I touch him?” he asked, his smirk slipping back into his normal serious façade. He wasn’t joking about this. Alec was seriously asking Jace to give him a reason not to do anything with Simon. He had an answer to that on the tip of his tongue, an admission that he didn’t want anyone else anywhere near Simon because he was possessive and territorial but before he could voice his feelings Alec was speaking again, he gaze trapping Jace in place as he tried to goad him into reacting. “Clearly you don’t want him if you are already walking away so why shouldn’t Magnus and I get some enjoyment out of him?”

The thing is Jace knows Alec doesn’t mean it. He’s way to in love with Magnus to ever really consider sleeping with someone else, even if Magnus was involved. He knows that as fact but now that Alec had said it Jace can’t get the thought out of his head. If Alec asked would Simon say yes? He had slept with Izzy when they had been dating and considering Simon didn’t care about gender it wasn’t that far a stretch to think he would find Alec attractive as well. The thought had Jace’s stomach churning, the familiar feeling of anger and jealousy rising once more. Underneath that though was a hollow sense of resignation. As much as Jace would hate it, would get angry and sad at the thought of Alec anywhere near Simon he wouldn’t be able to blame either of them for it.

Simon deserved so much better than Jace. He was an emotionally stunted asshole with daddy issues and a martyr complex. He was a mess who couldn’t deal with situations when they were outside of his control and had zero chill when it came to handling his emotions, especially when he was angry or upset. The whole mess he was in with Simon was proof enough of that. Simon deserved better than how Jace had been treating him and someone like Alec could give him that. He didn’t even necessarily mean Alec, just someone else who was stable, levelheaded and had a clear grasp on their emotional state and how to interact with people outside a work environment and heavy flirting. Simon deserved someone who would look at him the way Alec looked at Magnus, someone who would move heaven and earth to make him happy and accept him as he was. Not a jealous asshole like Jace who lashed out when confronted with truths that he didn’t want to acknowledge and had the act of pushing people away down to an art form.

This was a mistake.

Sighing Alec let go of Jace, snagging two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter and handing one off to Jace. “Stop it,” he snapped, scowling at Jace like he knew exactly where his thoughts had been going. “The point I was trying to make is that you can’t get all upset and pouty about Simon being with other people if you can’t even pull your head out off your ass and make a move yourself.” Jace just grunted, bringing his glass up to his lips and downing half the fizzy drink in one go. Simon wasn’t his boyfriend and maybe that was a good thing. Jace was bound to fuck it up at some point, either by saying or doing the wrong thing. He would over react, make arguments worse and because he had always known how to get under Simon’s skin he would be as much of an asshole back and Jace didn’t want to make Simon like him. Maybe he should just leave it be and let Simon get on with his life and then in a couple of months when they saw each other again they might be able to be at least cordial with one another.

“Whatever you’re doing to convince yourself not to do this just stop.” Alec looked down at him sternly, Jace refusing to look back and keeping his head turned, gaze firmly fixed at some point on the floor between them and the door. He felt like a mess, like he was lost and had no idea how to find his way back again as he chased the sound of Simon calling his name. He had been so sure this morning that talking to Simon was the right thing to do, that getting an answer one way or another would finally allow him to get on with his life but now, as he got closer to finding out Simon’s answer he was starting to think he was only going to make things worse. Not that he thought the current status of his relationship with Simon could get any worse, unless the vampire tried to kill him and honestly Jace might just let him at this point.

“Do you really think we would all be pushing you to do this is we didn’t think it would be worth it? If we didn’t think you and Simon would be good for one another?” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s words, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the other man. Alec turned his head to the side, taking a sip of his drink and letting his eyes wonder to any where but Jace. “You know something,” he accused, crossing his arms over his chest and standing straighter, levelling Alec with his best ‘I take no shit’ look.

Alec sighed, looking like he regretted even opening his mouth. “You know he’s been talking to Izzy still right?” Alec’s eyes darted back to Jace, watching him carefully as if he thought Jace would start sulking about the fact. Jace lifted his head slightly higher, giving one sharp nod as answer. Izzy hadn’t kept it a secret that she had still been talking to Simon and Jace had pathetically taken every scrap of information he could get from her, desperately needing to know what the other mans had been up to without him. It had hurt at first, knowing that Simon was still in contact with the others whilst cutting him off completely but Jace was kind of glad about it now. At least Simon hadn’t shut out everyone else just because Jace had been an insensitive prick. He never would have forgiven himself if he had driven Simon away to the point he cut everyone else out of his life just to avoid him.

Alec turned back towards him, looking at Jace like he was weighing up his options and the whole time Jace felt himself tensing, getting ready for Alec to say something that could either ruin or make his night. “Every time they have spoken he’s asked about you.” The breath rushed out of him, Jace’s eyes instantly snapping to the side to find Simon once more. He was still stood with Izzy, his hand resting casually on the small of her back as she spoke to a rather stern looking man, his runes just poking out above the collar of his suit. They looked good together, what with Izzy in a black lace evening dress, her red lipstick almost matching the shade of Simon’s suit perfectly. Normally that would have had him scowling, that almost constant niggling feeling of jealousy making its self known but at Alec’s words a surge of hope had slammed into him like a punch to the gut. Simon wouldn’t be asking after him if Jace had screwed up so completely he didn’t want anything to do with him.

He felt Alec move beside him, turning to stand behind him again. He bent down slightly so he could speak into Jace’s ear, clasping his shoulder again. “If he didn’t care about you, even just as a friend then why would he do that?” Jace watched as Simon leant in slightly, whispering something in Izzy’s ear that made her laugh, pulling away with another wide grin that only got wider as the other man frowned. Simon cared. In one way or another Simon still cared about him and it gave him a new sense of hope that he could at least salvaged something of what they had before, even if it was just friendship. It would hurt for a while and Jace would need some time to lick his wounds but if that was all Simon would be able to offer him then Jace would grab it with both hands. Having Simon in his life as just a friend was better than not having him at all.

“Now, I need to go save Magnus before he gets sucked in to a conversation with Schneider about pack dynamics and you need to go find your vampire and start groveling for his forgiveness. I would suggest leading with a compliment, tell him he’s pretty or something. They like that.” Alec patted him on the shoulder and before Jace could even open his mouth to ask how often he had to do this with Magnus to be that confident this would work Alec was gone, weaving through the crowed to a rather uncomfortable took Magnus and some man who looked like he had been considered old a century ago, three ugly looking scars running done the left side of his face. Sighing Jace turned back to look at Simon just in time to see him snag a glass of what looked like red wine off a passing waiter but by the way the liquid clung to the glass as he took a sip Jace knew it was blood, his tongue darting out to lick the excess from his lips, Jace’s eyes zeroing in on the action but soon enough it was over and Simon’s attention was back on the shadowhunter in front of him.

Huffing Jace knocked back the last of his champagne. If he was going to do this then he would need something a little stronger to help ease his nerves and calm his racing heart. With one last look at Simon Jace turned and headed to the bar, flagging down the bartender quickly and ordering a double whiskey on the rocks. Once he had his drink Jace turned, leaning back against the bar as his eyes easily found Simon again. It was simple, Jace just had to wait for Simon to be left on his own then he would swoop in and ask for a moment alone, whisking Simon off to some secluded room, most likely the library and tell Simon how good he looked in that ridiculous suit before he apologized for being an ass and asked if he wanted to go out some time. Easy.

It was not easy. Not easy at all.

As time ticked by Jace continued to watch as Simon flitted from one person to the next, seemingly charming every person he spoke to and never being left on his own for longer than a couple of seconds before someone else was clamoring for his attention. It was annoying as all hell and every time Jace thought he had an opening, a chance to finally get to Simon and just talk to him the vampire would flit off to someone else and in a blink of an eye Jace’s opening was gone. So as the seconds bled in to minutes then hours and he seemed to get further and further away from accomplishing his goal Jace’s scowl became deeper and his mind hazy as he knocked back one drink after another.

Simon hadn’t even looked up at him, hadn’t so much as acknowledged Jace’s existence and that was just making him more agitated, his hold tightening on his glass as he knocked back the last of his current drink. He had lost count at number seven, or was it eight? Whatever one it was had been a while ago and now Jace was starting to feel the effects. His eyes felt a little heavy, his vision a little fuzzy around the edges and he was having trouble focusing properly. At some point he had loosened his tie, popping the top two buttons open as he got hotter. He was starting to get uncomfortable and agitated and that didn’t bode well for the rest of his night.

Across the room Simon smiled, his attention focused only on the person before him. It was a seelie now, a tall elegant looking redhead, that’s skin seemed to shimmer green in the light. She looked far too much like the previous seelie queen for his liking, dressed in lace with her cleavage on display and a flower crown sat atop her head. Jace didn’t like her, didn’t trust her around Simon who was just too gullible for his own good. The idiot saw the good in almost everyone and one day it was going to get him in trouble that Jace wouldn’t be around to get him out of. She laughed at whatever Simon had said, fluttering her long lashes at him and angling herself closer to him. Snarling Jace turned back round to lean on the bar, ordering another drink and downing half of it the instant he was given it.

“Maybe you should slow down before you pass out.” Jace turned his glare towards Luke, wobbling slightly as he did so. He was in a suit as well, just a simple black tux with a white shirt on underneath. Simon would call it a classic look, Jace called it effort. Luke glanced sideways at him, eyeing Jace with concern as he lifted his hand and signaling the bartender. “Can’t,” Jace grunted, taking another gulp of the amber liquid sloshing around in his glass. It had lost its burn about an hour ago, the drink going down far too easy. Luke raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, or at least Jace thought he did. It was getting a little harder to focus on the things right in front of him. “And why’s that?” Jace couldn’t help but look over his shoulder at Simon, the vampire definitely a lot closer to the seelie now then he had been. “I’ve gotta tell Simon he’s pretty and then grovel so he’ll agree to date me,” Jace blurted mindlessly, his words slurring slightly but he was to preoccupied with letting his eyes roam over Simon and the seelie to even notice.

Jace wanted to go over there and yank him away from the other women. Wanted to demand Simon’s attention like he had been craving for weeks now but Alec had said to wait for him to be alone so he would but Simon hadn’t been alone all evening and Jace was rapidly running out of patience, especially when he could just about recognize his own flirting techniques being directed towards the undeserving seelie. “Oh.” He was angry at Simon. Angry and hot, to hot. Simon was always so cold and Jace bet it would feel so good to press his cheek between his shoulder blades, to wrap his arms around him and press every inch of his front against Simon’s back. Would be even better if they were naked.

“Maybe you should slow down with the drinking if you want him to take you seriously.” Jace’s head jerked back round at Luke’s words, the action causing his stomach to churn and his head spin. Groaning he brought a hand up and pressed it against his temple as he tried to will the room to stop spinning and shoved down the urge to empty the contents of his stomach. When his vision cleared Jace found Luke looking down at him with concern, has hand lightly curled around Jace’s shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady. “I am serious,” he managed to get out without slurring, shrugging the other mans hand off of him and doing his best to glare at Luke even as he swayed slightly, gripping tightly at the bar to keep himself up. Luke held his hands up and leant back slightly as if to show Jace he meant no harm and something about that struck him as wrong. “Sorry, I’m a little tense,” Jace mumbled, shoulders slumping and head hanging down between his arms. What was wrong with him? He was trying to prove to Simon that he wasn’t an asshole, not make him think Jace was even more of one.

“It’s okay, I get it. Admitting your feelings can be stressful, especially if you’re putting a friendship on the line.” Jace scoffed at that, taking another large gulp of his rapidly disappearing drink. He had already screwed up their friendship so what else did he have to lose by admitting to Simon that he thought they should date? Honestly it wouldn’t have been that different to what they had been before just hopefully they would actually get to have sex instead of Jace pathetically fantasizing about it and feeling guilty about it afterwards. “What I was trying to say is that you know what Simon’s moms like. You stumbling over to him drunk and smelling like a dive bar isn’t going to make him believe whatever it is you’re planning on saying to him.” Luke looked pointedly down at him and Jace froze, his posture going stiff as the older mans words sank in.

Oh.

Oh no.

Simon hated it when Jace drank too much. He always got this sad, disappointed look on his face that left Jace feeling both annoyed and guilty. Simon would take one look at Jace and know that he was well past his usual limit, a limit that he had put in place to avoid disappointing Simon. He had told Jace all about his mom’s addiction, about the stints in rehab and how she got when she drank. Jace knew how much seeing her like that hurt him and here Jace was, casually about to throw the other mans concern for him back in his face. This was all wrong and Jace was just making things so much worse.

Groaning Jace place his drink down, deciding to stick to water from now on and planning to go find Magnus to make him as sober as he could as quickly as he could but as he turned his head to signal the bartender he caught a glimpse of what was going on behind him and froze. The seelie had moved in closer, her hand sliding up Simon’s chest. Her head was tilted to the side, her red curls falling almost artfully over her shoulders and she looked up at Simon through her long lashes, a coy smile on her pink lips. With an overwhelming sense of horror Jace watched as Simon placed his hand on her waist and pulled her closer, a confident smirk curling his lips up and his dark eyes becoming hooded as he leaned in towards her.

Jace saw red.

Snarling he knocked back the last of his drink, practically slamming the glass down before pushing away from the bar. He ignored Luke calling out his name, nor did he pay attention to anyone he stumbled into as he made his way hastily across the room, to focused on Simon and his need to stop whatever the hell it was that he thought he was about to do. He was done waiting, he needed to tell Simon now before he lost his chance all together and the vampire slipped off into the night with the seelie. All he had to do was show Simon that he was better, that he didn’t need to go with her because Jace was all he would ever need to keep him satisfied and if Simon wouldn’t listen then Jace would show him. He may be hopeless at the relationship side of things but this he was good at, excelled at it even and he knew that given the chance he could leave Simon a blissful, fucked out mess. Jace just had to get him away from the seelie first and then finally he would get Simon all to himself.

Bonus Track

Track five: I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter summary: Jace has to live with the consequences of his actions. Alec and Magnus help him come to terms with how he really feels about Simon and together they form a plan on how to win back the daylighter.

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first

Jace was being an asshole.

Granted he normally was a bit of a dick, especially to Simon but this was taking it to a whole new level. Jace had stupidly assumed it would be easy to put some space between him and Simon but he had known the minute that Simon had walked into the training room with coffee from Jace’s favorite place two blocks in the opposite direction of the institute from Simon’s apartment and a rambling apology that it wouldn’t be easy at all. He had accepted the apology even though he was still bitter and angry over it all, just to avoid the sad puppy dog look Simon was giving him and had quickly made his escape, thankful that Simon was still trying to placate him and let him go without more than a promise to train the next day and a quick pat on the shoulder for good measure. Jace had then gone back to the safety of his room, locking the door behind him and sunk down to the floor, burying his head in his hands.

Simon had been all Jace could think of the night before when he got back from the Hunters Moon, his dreams filled with speculation of what the vampire was doing and half formed fantasies of being the one to do them to him only to have it all disappear in a puff of smoke and Simon’s mocking laughter ringing in his ears as the vampire taunted him for ever thinking Simon would want someone like him. He had screamed and raged as he was forced to watch Simon with that smug blonde seelie, Simon laughing the whole time and telling Jace every reason why he would never be good enough for Simon, how he would never be wanted or loved by him.

He hadn’t been surprised when he woke up and found Alec waiting for him.

There had been no point trying to hide anything, not when Jace had been too emotionally drained to even attempt to block the bond they shared. So instead they had gone down to train and Jace had told him about the night before and what band practice had actually meant. He hadn’t kept his anger in check, nor his pain and Alec had just taken it, meeting him blow for blow and allowing Jace to work out his aggression whilst listening to him grit out nonsense about how he didn’t care and if Simon wanted to sleep with half the down world than that was his choice, it meant nothing to Jace. Alec had unhelpful pointed out that if Jace didn’t care that Simon was sleeping around then why was he so angry about it. Jace had promptly knocked him on his ass and told him to shut up.

Jace hadn’t expected to see Simon so soon, had even forgotten about the plans they had made to have lunch together. He had wanted to run as soon as he had noticed the other man stood in the doorway, had wanted to put as much distance between himself and Simon as he could but the fact that Simon had shown up, had come back to Jace had his chest tightening and his heart thumping rapidly against his ribs. He was the one Simon always came back to, the one who got to actually know the person Simon was when all the others just got left behind, nothing more than a quick fuck. He hated how he thought that might have been enough, that as long as Simon always came back to him then he could look past the late nights and the trail of people he left behind him. It was stupid and Jace just wanted it to stop. They weren’t even dating and here Jace was acting like some tragic love struck wife, willing to put up with a cheating spouse because they loved them so much. Not that Jace loved Simon. He couldn’t love him because that would just make everything so much worse.

Huddled against his door Jace had promised himself to put some distance between himself and the vampire. He would cut back on the flirting, would treat Simon somewhere between how he treated Alec and Maia. There would have to be less touching as well, that was a definite. He didn’t think he could stomach putting his hands on Simon only to remember that someone else’s had probably already been there only under his clothes and drawing the sweetest sounds out of him. No it was better for him to just move on, do exactly what he had said he was going to do and put his idiotic little infatuation for Simon to rest.

Jace hadn’t counted on Simon being the one to make doing that so difficult.

Simon was clearly trying to carry on as if nothing had changed and Jace supposed to him nothing had apart from the fact Jace now knew where he was going when he disappeared for the night. To Jace though everything had changed and now he was acutely aware of every moment Simon wasn’t there and no matter how much he tried he couldn’t help but think of what Simon was doing and who he was with. It was driving Jace crazy and despite his efforts to try and act like it wasn’t bothering him Jace was falling miserably.

He knew he was hurting Simon, could see the flash of it in his eyes every time he went to touch him only to snatch his hand back but Jace couldn’t keep up with the way they had been, not now he knew how far out of his reach Simon actually was. The brunette just wouldn’t stop though and as the weeks passed Jace found his annoyance turning bitter and ugly whenever faced with Simon’s nocturnal activities. He took a twisted sense of pleasure in seeing the flash of hurt in Simon’s eyes whenever Jace made a jab about band practice. It was childish but he wanted Simon to feel just a little of the pain Jace did. He always regretted it after but he was the kind of stubborn that had him refusing to take any of it back.

It helped put distance between them though and it was so much easier to get Simon to be the one to walk away from him then do it himself. Jace could see that Simon wanted to reach out for him, could hear the slight hesitation in his voice as he second guesses what he would say to Jace. It’s easy to make Simon give him space after a while because despite everything the man is just so good and even though he is clearly confused by what’s happening he tries to give Jace what he wants and somehow that hurts more because Jace doesn’t want that distance at all but he knows he needs it if he has any hope of salvaging a functioning friendship with the vampire.

He misses Simon though, wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around the other man and apologize for his behavior and ask him to say. To stay with Jace, to not go to the next seelie, vampire, werewolf or bloody warlock that catches his eye. He wanted to pin Simon down and promise that he was good enough, that he would be enough for Simon if just given the chance to prove it but Simon had made it clear that Jace wasn’t what he wanted though and he refused to be as weak and as pathetic to actually beg Simon for something he knew he wouldn’t get.

So Jace continued on, keeping his hands to himself apart from when they spared and even then it wasn’t for as long and Jace made sure to be as professional as he could, treating Simon as he would any other novice. For the most part Jace remained friendly, not wanting to drive Simon away entirely but it seemed he had misjudged what Simon would be willing to put up with.

Jace had been fine, if not a little tense when he had joined Izzy and Simon in the ops center but he had been ever hopeful that with Izzy there as a buffer they would be able to function without any issues. He had been wrong. Simon had had a couple of flings in the weeks after Jace had caught him with the seelie’s, Jace knew that thanks to Maia’s ability to gossip but hearing that he was arranging hook-ups at the institute, somewhere where Jace had almost felt safe considering that Simon had never slept with another shadowhunter, had left him feeling like he had just been stabbed in the chest and something in Jace had snapped.

He could live with Simon finding companionship with his own kind and other downworlders but the thought of him with other shadowhunters left Jace feeling sick. He wouldn’t be able to stomach it, seeing Simon slipping from the rooms of people he worked with every day. Wouldn’t be able to stand listening to them talk about what the vampire was like in bed and comparing notes. And if anyone was stupid enough to ask him to introduce them to Simon Jace wouldn’t hesitate to hit them.

A coldness had seeped into him, leaving Jace feeling like he had been stood out in the snow for hour without a heating rune to keep him warm. He had plastered on a smile though and laughed it off, keeping his eyes fixed on the tablet he was clutching. Simon wouldn’t let it go though, rambling on about wanting to spend time with Jace and the numbness had steadily given way to anger. He didn’t want Simon’s pity, didn’t need the man to act like Jace meant anything of any real importance to him. Jace had denied him, refusing to look up so he wouldn’t have to see Simon’s relief at having been freed of any perceived obligation he had with Jace.

Simon had just kept pushing though, demanding Jace look at him and Jace had lashed out, not bothering to hide how angry and hurt he was by Simon’s actions. He hadn’t been prepared to watch every ounce of fight drain from the brunette, to see him shrink in on himself and recoil from Jace like he had hit him. He got to see something in Simon bend and give way and it wasn’t till later that Jace realized that it was whatever Simon had felt for Jace that had snapped under his own petty jealousy and spiteful anger.

Izzy had yelled at him a lot after Simon had left, tearing into Jace about the way he was treating Simon and calling him out for letting his jealousy pull apart the relationship they actually had. It had been harsh, Izzy not holding anything back but Jace had been just as angry, arguing back and trying not to think about the look on Simon’s face as he walked away from Jace. He hadn’t stuck around, disappearing out onto the streets, invisibility rune activated and looking for a fight. He hadn’t found one so instead Jace had wandered the city for hours, stewing in his anger until it had fizzled out and he was forced to face the reality of his actions.

He knew he was the one at fault this time but his pride made it impossible for him to be the one to admit that to anyone else. Instead he had promised himself to try harder when Simon inevitably came back around. He was too nice for his own good and Jace knew that he wouldn’t give up on the friendship they had built just because Jace was failing to keep his emotions in check. It would be hard but Jace didn’t want to lose Simon and that meant he would have to accept the fact that at some point he was going to be part of a conversation about Simon’s band practice. He would just have to get better at hiding how much he hated what Simon was doing. He would still keep the flirting and touching to a minimum because Jace couldn’t carry on like that if he wanted to stay sane but he would do better at keeping his biting comments to himself. Simon deserved better from him and Jace planned on working on that the moment Simon came back, stubbornly refusing to give up like always.

Except Simon didn’t come back.

The first two days Jace brushed his absence off, convincing himself that Simon was still angry with him and needed some space to work through it. That was fine, Jace could understand that because he had been an asshole and if Jace was Simon he wouldn’t want to be around him at the moment either. The third day Jace was on edge, constantly hovering around the ops center and looking at the door hopefully every time it opened only to be disappointed when he didn’t see Simon’s unruly mop of dark hair come through it. The fourth day when Simon had failed to turn up for their planned training session Jace had caved and called the other man, genuinely worried about him. The phone had rung and rung, Jace’s concern growing with every second it went unanswered until it finally went to voicemail.

Jace had been half way out the institute when his phone had gone off and he had quickly yanked it out of his pocket. It had been a simple text, the shortest one he had probably ever gotten from Simon. ‘Sorry, can’t make it. Busy’. Jace had stood there staring down at his phone and those simple words until the screen went black and even then he still stared down at it, not really believing what he had seen.

Busy. Simon was busy, too busy to spare the hour or so they spent sparing every couple of days. Normally there would be a small essay explaining why Simon wouldn’t be able to make it but not this time and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the other man meant by busy. That hurt more than Jace had thought it would, the realization that he was being cast aside in favor of one of Simon’s little groupies. He knew it would happen eventually, knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold Simon’s attention forever and especially not with how he had been acting but he hadn’t been prepared for the almost crippling wave of rejection that had slammed into him.

Sucking in a deep breath he had stumbled back, the wall the only thing keeping him upright as his body shook and his eyes began to sting. He had thought it couldn’t hurt any worse than seeing Simon all over the two seelie’s but he had been wrong because it felt like his heart was being split apart, like it was glass, cracking in his hands and the shards digging into his lungs. He felt unwanted, abandoned, cast aside like a broken toy. Jace knew he wasn’t good enough, had known that he had been lucky for the time he had gotten to spend basking in Simon’s goodness. He was broken, damaged beyond repair and he had been delusional to think that anyone would stick around, even as just a friend. He was toxic, a master in self sabotage who always ruined the good things in his life. Simon was right to run whilst he could before Jace poisoned him and snuffed out his light.

With shaky hands he managed to open his phone, sending a simple ‘ok’ back. He didn’t get a reply, hadn’t thought he would, not if Simon was otherwise engaged. Jace had taken a deep breath, eyes screwed shut as he clawed back control over himself, shoving everything else he was feeling down into a little box that he buried even deeper inside of him. He didn’t want to feel it, any of it and he refused to be as weak and pathetic as to let it ruin him. He stayed there for a few moments, just leant against the wall and breathing steadily and when he opened his eyes Jace felt calmer even as an emptiness settled over him. He carried on with his day like nothing had happened, didn’t let his mind wander to tussled brown hair, bright eyes and wide smiles. Jace just existed and when the day drew to a close and he collapsed down into his bed it was no one’s business but his own if he finally let the tears fall and let the feeling of not being good enough swallow him whole.

That had been two weeks ago and Jace hadn’t heard from or seen Simon since.

The next couple of weeks had been difficult, Jace swinging between being angry and hostile to sad and mopey. Everyone was on edge around him, not sure how he would react and it was making the institute tense and uncomfortable. No one wanted to be around him and that was fine with Jace, he didn’t want to be around people either. Having other people there just made it more glaringly obvious that there was a Simon shaped hole in his life that wouldn’t seem to go away.

Izzy was running out of patience with him, demanding he fix ‘it’ before she had to reprimand him for his behavior. The thing was though that Jace didn’t know how to fix it and he wasn’t too sure he even wanted to. Maybe it was all for the best. His and Simon’s friendship had been built on rocky foundations, the loss of Clary drawing them together. Simon had loved Clary just as much as Jace had if differently and he had understood what Jace had been going through when the dust had settled and Clary had been gone.

By all accounts they shouldn’t have worked together, they had little to nothing in common and yet they had still managed to spend hours almost every day together without it being an issue. Developing any sort of attraction to Simon had probably only been because of the closeness and how broken and venerable Jace had been. Really he was surprised it hadn’t all blown up before now. Maybe Simon finally realizing that Jace wasn’t worth the time and effort was just a long time coming and they could now both get on with their lives like they were supposed to. Simon could sleep his way through the down world and Jace could focus on being the best shadowhunter he could be like he was meant to.

“Stop it.” Jace slowly lifted his gaze up from where he had been staring unseeingly at the glass of wine he was holding until he was looking up at Alec. His parabatai has his usual glower in place, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned in the doorway. Jace doesn’t want to have the conversation Alec is angling for but he knows it’s inevitable. The only thing he can do is try and put it off, being stubborn and obtuse until Alec finally had enough of his bullshit and snapped at him. “Sorry Alec but I can’t help being this good looking. It’s a cures, truly,” Jace smirked, winking at the other man before taking a large gulp of his drink. Wine wasn’t his normal go to drink, especially white wine but Magnus had insisted it was the only thing acceptable to have with dinner and Jace knew better then to argue with the warlock when it came to things like this.

Alec huffed, rolling his eyes at Jace before pushing off the doorframe and walking back over to the table. “Please, the only thing you’re cursed with is having an ego the size of Idris.” He sank into the seat opposite, picking up his own glass as he did. He looked relaxed, one arm flung over the back of the empty chair next to him and the top couple of buttons on his forest green shirt left open. Magnus had been good for the other man and Jace knew he was happy here, could feel it through their bond. He was happy for Alec, he had been through so much and they deserved this but a part of Jace couldn’t help but twist with envy every time he saw the happy couple together.

He wanted what they had, wanted to feel loved and happy, like the other person completed him, made him whole. He had thought for a while that he would get that with Clary, the two of them so in tune with the other it was like they had been made for one another and he supposed in a way they had been but it wasn’t meant to be. She was off living a happy life in blissful ignorance and Jace had been left behind with a gaping hole in his heart where Clary had once been. A hole that had been healing but had only gotten bigger since Simon had left.

The thought of Simon had Jace’s heart aching, his hand clenching on the table to stop himself from reaching out and rubbing at his chest. Alec sighed, Jace pointedly ignoring him as he took another drink. The wine wasn’t that strong and Jace desperately wished it was whiskey instead. He didn’t want to have this conversation but he was going to have to and that would go a lot better if he was drunk enough that come the morning he wouldn’t be able to remember it. If he asked for anything stronger though he would get a hard no from Alec and Magnus was wrapped so tightly wrapped around his husband’s finger that he would just give Jace an apologetic smile and pour him a slightly larger glass of wine.

“Still nothing?” Jace’s hand tightened on the glass and he took his time answering, moving slowly as he placed the glass down as delicately as he could, Magnus already having threatened to end his existence if he broke another one. “No.” He hadn’t seen or heard from Simon in weeks, Jace’s life seeming cold and empty without the over energetic and ever optimistic vampire around. Cold, empty and alone. That was his general feelings these days with bouts of anger thrown in just for good measure. It was stupid. One person shouldn’t affect him so much but Simon had wormed his way into Jace’s life, carved out a home for himself in Jace’s chest and he hadn’t even noticed until he crawled back out and left a gaping hole behind.

“We’ll have you actually tried calling him this time or are you still stuck on the whole stubborn woe is me drivel.” Jace scowled at Magnus as he breezed into the room, wine glass in hand and the other waving around, his rings glinting in the light. “I’ll take your sullen silence as a resounding no then,” Magnus said knowingly, slipping into the chair next to Alec and looking pointedly at Jace over the rim of his glass. Jace stayed stubbornly quiet, looking away from the happy couple and downing the last of his wine.

Jace hadn’t called Simon. He had found himself time and time again staring down at the other man’s contact, thumb hovering over the call button. He had wanted to, wanted to press his thumb down and listen to the phone ring and ring until Simon picked up and Jace got to hear that stupidly cheerful voice say his name once more. He hadn’t been able to do it though, the look on Simon’s face when Jace said they didn’t need him, that Jace didn’t need him, kept him from pressing down on the call button. That and the thought of the phone just ringing and ringing, Simon not answering or ever calling back and leaving Jace with no doubt that Simon was done with him. So no, Jace hadn’t called despite wanting to and he wouldn’t. Simon was the one who walked away, who decided that Jace wasn’t worth it and Jace wouldn’t chase after him, not when Simon didn’t want him. He had that much dignity left.

“Jace,” Alec chastised him using that same tone a parent might use to tell off a child they suspected of doing something they couldn’t comprehend was wrong. Jace hated it. “Alec,” he said back, a warning to his tone but all it got him was Alec narrowing his eyes and scowling at him. “How do you expect to fix anything if you won’t even talk to him?” Jace’s hand tightened around the stem of his glass, glaring back at Alec. Jace wasn’t good at this sort of thing and his parabatai knew that. He wouldn’t even know where to start and even if he did the problem would still be there. Jace was jealous and possessive and he craved the attention of a man that wouldn’t look at him twice, a man who took one lover after another and left Jace feeling inadequate. He didn’t like the feeling.

“Who said I wanted to fix anything?” Alec arched an eyebrow, the two of them trying to will the other to back down but they were both as stubborn as the other and Jace doubted either of them would be willing to give any leeway with the issue. “Oh I don’t know, maybe because since your little lovers spat at the institute you have been an insufferable, moody bitch whose acting like he got dumped by his high school sweet heart.” Jace turned his glare to Magnus, the warlock shrugging as he leant back into Alec’s side. “Simon didn’t dump me,” Jace snarled, leaning forward to snatch the bottle of wine up off the table and refilled his glass, though the temptation to just drink straight from the bottle was there.

“Oh, so you are lovers then.” Jace choked on his drink, glaring at the warlock as he sipped at his own drink, smirking over the rim of the glass. “We aren’t lovers,” he spat the last word out, that bitter taste back in his mouth. He and Simon hadn’t be and never would be lovers. They were friends, nothing more, nothing less except Jace was pretty sure they were less now. Less than they had even been back at the beginning and that was something. “But you want to be.” Jace was going to hit Magnus if he didn’t shut up. He didn’t care if he was Alec’s husband and it would upset him, it would make Jace feel better.

“Magnus,” Alec sighed, turning to look disapprovingly at the other man. “Fine,” he huffed, rolling his eyes and Jace felt a little of the tension ease from his shoulders. “I’m just trying to understand why Simon having a healthy sexual appetite for a vampire his age would be such an issue. Your actions seem to stem more from jealousy then any issue with the act itself so I can only summarize it’s the fact Simon is having sex with everyone but you that is the real issue here.” Magnus looked at Jace directly, uncaring of the way Jace’s jaw had clenched and he was looking at Magnus like he wanted to kill him.

Was he really that easy to read?

Jace had been trying to keep it all hidden away, hadn’t wanted anyone to know but he supposed he hadn’t done that good a job with it considering how he had been acting. What if Simon had known? What if that was why he had left, because he couldn’t take Jace acting like he had any right to feel jealous and possessive over him? The thought made him feel sick. He had wanted to spare Simon the awkwardness of having to deal with Jace’s infatuation and he thought he had but if Magnus could just pluck apart his defensives like that and know what Jace was feeling then who could say if Simon knew or not. Maybe that was why he had left, he was so disgusted with the thought of him and Jace together that he took the opportunity given to him and ran. What if he had fucked up more than he thought he had and there really was nothing left for him and Simon to salvage.

“Don’t look so worried. I’ve been alive long enough to recognize the look, that’s all. I’m sure Simon is completely unaware of how you feel about him.” Jace grunted at Magnus’s patronizing tone, knocking back half his glass in an attempt to keep himself from fidgeting. “Simon’s a good enough guy and if he knew about-” Alec gestured to Jace, the action scarily similar to Magnus, “he would have tried to talk to you about it, even if it would have been to let you down. The guy can’t shut up and there is no way he would have been able to stop himself from rambling on about that.” Jace had to admit that Alec had a point there. Simon was all about feeling and over sharing and if there had been even an inkling of Jace liking him more than a friend then Simon wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from trying to talk to him about it. Luckily he hadn’t or Jace might have ended up punching him to get him to shut up. Fuck this conversation was getting to serious for him and if he didn’t think Alec would bitch like crazy Jace would have tried to make a run for it by now.

Magnus waved his hand, all three of their wine glasses full again and Jace would thank him but he didn’t think it was necessarily a good thing he was being given more alcohol. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that would be the end of the conversation, not when Alec had been drafted in by Izzy to help fix things. The night was going to be long and full of awkward conversations and truths he didn’t want to acknowledge. If he was lucky though Magnus would keep the wine flowing and Jace could get drunk enough to not care about what came out of his mouth.

The warlock leant back in his chair again, Alec’s arm falling to drape across his shoulders and when Magnus spoke his voice was level and confident, spoken like a man who had lived long enough to know these kind of things. “Vampires crave life Jace, it’s in their nature and apart from drinking blood straight from a living body sex is the next best thing. He is young, full of reckless abandon and an all-consuming hunger. He is giving in to instincts that he probably doesn’t even realise he has, trying to fill the void of his hunger with something just as pleasurable.” Jace paid the slightly nauseated look on Alec’s face hardly any attention, instead letting Magnus’s words sink in, turning them over in his head as he sipped at his wine.

He had never thought of it like that before, that Simon was still a young vampire struggling with his hunger and looking to distract himself from it by satisfying it another way. Simon seemed to have such control over his hunger these days, not even flinching when someone got to close and he got a face full of exposed neck or vulnerable wrist. It would explain his sudden shift in behavior, why he had started acting like Jace pre Clary but that didn’t change the fact that Simon had never come to him for help filling that void his hunger left behind. Jace had an abundance of experience and he knew for a fact he would have been able to keep Simon satisfied, even more so with the use of certain runes. But Simon hadn’t asked because despite everyone else seemingly being Simon’s type Jace was apparently the exception to that rule.

“Simon’s…appetite is to be expected, it’s nothing personal.” Alec shifted in his seat, looking just as uncomfortable as Jace felt with the whole conversation. Good. At least Jace wasn’t the only one suffering. “Feels personal,” Jace grumbled. How could it not be personal? Simon had literally gone out of his way to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace. If it was some weird vampire thing, if he had been struggling with his hunger then why wouldn’t he have told Jace about it? They told each other everything, well apart from the obvious, so why wouldn’t he talk to Jace about this? No, the only logical reason was because Simon didn’t want Jace involved in that aspect of his life so he had kept him out of it until Jace had stumbled blindly into it by accident.

Magnus gave him an understanding smile, placing his glass down on the table as he leant forward. His hand slid over Jace’s clenched one, his skin soft and warm as he squeezed gently. The touch was unexpected and Jace had to fight the desire to snatch his hand back, not so used to the casual touches from anyone else other than his family and Simon. “That’s because you love him,” Magnus said softly, like it was fact and not just his opinion based off to many romance novels in Jace’s opinion.

He snatched his hand back, placing it on his thigh under the table. “I don’t love Simon,” Jace said automatically, so used to denying it that he just said it without even thinking now. The words left a sour taste in his mouth, like he had been sucking on a lemon and Jace didn’t want to even begging to unpack why that was. “Oh?” Magnus arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him as he sat back, taking his wine glass up once more. “Do you normally go around sulking for weeks on end when a ‘friend’ starts sleeping with other people?” Jace glared at Magnus, refusing to answer and instead downing the last of his drink. What was with everyone? All of them seemingly stuck on the fact that Jace felt anything other than friendship and lust for the vampire. He didn’t love Simon, he wouldn’t allow it and all this constant insistence that he did was just pissing him off. Jace knew how he felt, they were his feelings after all and he didn’t need them to start poking around to try and shake something lose that he wanted firmly kept in place and hidden away.

“Magnus is right Jace.” His eyes darted over to Alec, taking in the serious and somber look he was wearing. It wasn’t much different to normal but there was something else there in his eyes that left Jace feeling trapped, unable to look away or escape the inevitability of what was to come. “You know he is and no amount of denial will change how you feel. I’m your parabatai Jace, I know how you feel around him.” Alec’s voice is soft and level as he talks, as if he isn’t ripping down the walls that Jace had built up around him to protect himself from any more loss and heartbreak. A lot of good they had done him, Simon somehow managing to slip in between the cracks. That was Simon though, he worked his way into everyone’s good graces by being a loveable idiot. Even Alec liked him and considering Alec liked no one that was a rather impressive feat. “The sooner you admit it to yourself the sooner you can start dealing with all this properly.”

He doesn’t want to admit it, doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he had fallen so quickly into the orbit of another after Clary. Loosing Clary had been devastating, had left Jace feeling like his whole world had crumbled into dust but it was so much worse with Simon because when Clary had gone Jace had had the vampire to cling on to, to tell all his fears and nightmares to but now Simon was gone too and Jace was alone again. Alone and desperately trying not to look any deeper into how he had been acting both before and after finding out about band practice.

Jace hadn’t really had friends outside of Alec and Izzy but even he had known that what he and Simon had been doing had breezed right past being friends and into something dangerously close to a relationship. He had ignored it all though. Ignored the late nights just in the other’s company and crashing at Simon’s apartment, didn’t think too hard about the fact that it happened so much that Jace had spare clothes there and a blade or two hidden around the place for emergencies. He ignored the not dates to the movies or the comic shop or the Hunters Moon or the restaurants Simon insisted Jace had to try. He didn’t stop to consider what it meant when Simon was the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last thing he thought of before sleep took him. Jace refused to look too deeply at what he had been doing because then he would have to admit that there was something else there, beneath the friendship and the desire he felt for the other man. He didn’t think that he loved Simon, not yet anyway but there was something there, growing in his chest with every moment they spent together. No he didn’t love Simon but he wasn’t far off and that terrified him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, head tipping forward and burying his face in his hands. He didn’t want to like Simon, didn’t want to imagine them together just as they had been but with kisses and hand holding and bloody cuddling. No he didn’t want it, not ever and especially not now considering how much he had fucked things up already. He didn’t need to be having a crisis of feelings right now and he hated that it had been forced on him. He would have been fine ignoring it all until it went away on its own or he died, whichever one came first.

“You should tell him.” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s declaration, hands falling away as he looked at the other man with wide and disbelieving eyes. “What? Why?” Jace snapped but before Alec could give an explanation to his madness Jace was talking again, “you know what, no. That’s a terrible idea.” He snatched up his empty wine glass, holding it out towards Magnus expectantly as he tried to shove the panic he was feeling down.

Magnus huffed, rolling his eyes as he waved his hand and Jace’s glass filled up on its own. He promptly drank half of it, ignoring Alec’s glare whilst also welcoming the gentle buzz he was starting to get, the alcohol finally starting to take effect even if it did taste sort how he thought electricity would taste like. “Alexander has a point. You have been moping around like some love struck fool for months now, convincing yourself that Simon could never return any feelings towards you other than friendship without ever actually bothering to find out if that’s true or not.” Alec gives him a smug look over the rim of his glass and Jace didn’t even hesitate to kick out at the other man’s leg, causing him to jerk and his drink to slosh over the edge of his glass. He glared at Jace as he put his glass down, grabbing a napkin to wipe at his hand and Jace just glares right back because Magnus is right and Jace can’t stand it.

No he had never said anything to Simon but he never thought he had to. He had been so sure that Simon wasn’t interested in him, that he was only into girls and anyway, outside of the playful flirting Simon had never acted like he wanted that kind of thing from Jace. They were friends and Simon said it often enough that Jace just knew that was all they would ever be. He didn’t need to tell Simon that he wanted more when he already knew the answer would be no. But he was buzzed enough that he couldn’t help but entertain the thought of confessing all his sins to the vampire only for Simon to do the same and welcome him with open arms and breath stealing kisses. “Fine,” he hissed, “and how do you suggest I go about telling Simon when he has been avoiding me like I’ve got demon pox?”

Alec and Magnus glance at each other, sharing a thoughtful look before turning their attention back to Jace. It’s creepy how in sync they are and Jace files that away for latter, either to mock Alec with or to gossip with Izzy about. He isn’t sure what one yet but he knows he will get some amusement out of both those outcomes. “The cabinet party on Friday. As the vampire representative to the clave he has to be there,” Magnus answered and Alec nodded his head in agreement. “It’s perfect. There will be to many people there for him to make a scene and embarrass himself more than normal so you should be fine to pull him aside and apologies for being an ass before asking him out on a date.” Alec rattled off before lifting his glass and taking a sip of his drink like that answered every question Jace could possibly have.

The cabinet party was to celebrate the success of the roll out of the downworlder council across the shadow world and would be attended by shadowhunters and downworlders alike for all corners of the world. Izzy and Magnus had been planning it for months now and lucky enough they had arranged to hold it at the institute as that had been where Alec had started it all. He had been planning on staying on duty, not wanting to be faced with the possibility of seeing Simon actually hitting on someone but Jace had to admit they had a point. Simon was in a rather high up position and it would make the whole alliance thing look bad if he and Jace started arguing in the middle of the party. Simon would have no choice but to act like nothing had gone wrong between them and if he was lucky enough he would stick around long enough for Jace to offer up an explanation as to why he had been acting like the world’s biggest asshole for the past month.

“That easy huh?” Jace didn’t think it would be, nothing involving him and Simon had ever been easy and he didn’t expect it to be any different now. Alec shrugged, Magnus offering him a small reassuring smile and Jace wanted to believe them but he couldn’t. They seemed to be ignoring one glaringly obvious thing that Jace just couldn’t move past because it seemed like the most likely outcome. “And what if he says no, what then?” Jace asked quietly, looking down at his half empty glass like it held all the answers he was seeking. Jace had never been good with rejection, always striving to be what everyone else wanted him to be in an attempt to keep them happy and there. Simon had never wanted that from him though, had accepted him as he was, flaws and all and the thought of Simon looking at him and clearly stating that Jace wasn’t good enough had his free hand trembling and his heart splintering in his chest. He couldn’t even begging to imagine how it would feel if Simon actually turned him down, even if he did want to stay friends.

“Well he’s leaving on Saturday so that gives both of you some time apart to work through your feelings and maybe be able to salvage a friendship out of all this drama you two seem to be breading,” Magnus stats, waving his hand around as he spoke and completely unaware of Alec going ridged next to him. Jace looked up slowly, his breath catching in his throat and heart stuttering in his chest. No, he couldn’t have heard that right. “Leaving. What do you mean Simon’s leaving?” Jace hissed, abandoning his drink to lean forward and stare at Magnus expectantly, waiting for the warlock to tell him he had misheard and Simon wasn’t going anywhere.

Shock and confusion passed through Magnus’s eyes but something about it didn’t look quite right, a glint of something in his eyes that shouldn’t be there. He slowly turned to look at Alec who was wincing like he was in pain. “You hadn’t told him.” It’s not a question, just Magnus stating a fact and Jace wants to demand to know what he hadn’t been told and why they were keeping things from him in the first place but before he can get the words out Alec is turning to look at Magnus with narrowed eyes and biting out an angry “no.” Magnus has the decency to look slightly apologetic but again it doesn’t quite sit right, like he is sorry but not for what he is actually apologizing for. “Oh. I’ll just go get another bottle of wine.” Magnus is up and out of his chair before Jace can demand to know what’s going on, disappearing through the door and out of sight almost as quickly as a vampire would.

Jace instantly turns his attention onto Alec. He knows something, something he had purposely kept from Jace and he wants to know what. “Alec what does he mean Simon’s leaving?” The desperation in Jace’s voice was undeniable, his voice cracking slightly on the last word. Alec sighed, rubbing at his eyes and wincing. Letting his hand fall Alec sat up straighter, taking his arm off the back of Magnus’s chair and lacing his fingers together on the table in front of him. He was wearing the same look he got at work, when he had to deliver news of a hunt gone wrong or give out orders he didn’t agree with. It didn’t fill Jace with confidence and before he even started to speak Jace felt his stomach drop and his guts twist painfully. “The London institute is having some issues with the vampire clans and has asked for a mediator. As Simon is the vampire representative it is his job to deal with these sorts of things.”

The air rushes out of him in one go, Jace deflating at the news and slumping back into his chair. Realistically he knew that Simon wouldn’t stay in New York forever, had known that at some point the vampire would go off and explore what the rest of the world had to offer but for some reason he had never been able to imagine that happening whilst he and the others were still alive. He hadn’t even taken into account that Simon would have to go to other clans to do his job. Simon was a constant in Jace’s life, even when he was angry at Jace and avoiding him at all costs he knew that Simon was there, just within reach but if he went to London than that wouldn’t be true anymore. Good, loyal and reliable Simon would be gone, missing from Jace’s life.

“For how long,” he manages to grit out. It seems like an import thing to know, to establish how long his life will truly be void of Simon. Alec looks tired, like he would rather be anywhere else and Jace can’t blame him for that. He must be able to feel Jace falling apart, little by little and by no means is it a good feeling. “Honestly?” He asks, looking at Jace pointedly and he nods. Alec lying to save his feelings would only make things worse in the long run when Simon didn’t come back when Jace expected him to and he started to panic. “I don’t know. From what the head of the institute there said it could be simply rectified in a day or two or the heads of the clans could dig their heels in and it could take weeks to sort anything out.”

Weeks wasn’t that long. Jace had already gone weeks without seeing or talking to Simon. This will be no different but something about it seemed final, like if Jace let Simon leave without at least attempting to rebuild their friendship then he wouldn’t get the chance to do so again. “Right,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands that lay flat on the table. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you but honestly I thought you two would have sorted this out by now and I wouldn’t have to.” Alec sound sincere and Jace could feel the slight tinge of guilt through their bond.

As his parabatai, yes Alec should have told him but Jace also knew that in a work capacity it had nothing to do with him. Alec had no obligation to inform a random shadowhunter that a vampire representative was being sent to another institute. A month ago Simon would have been the one to tell him, would have come to Jace before anyone else all excited and practically vibrating with it. He would have been happy for Simon, would have listened to his fears and hopefully eased them. Jace would have missed Simon whilst he was gone but he also would have known that Simon would text him constantly and call him at least once a day. A month ago Jace would have been fine with Simon going off to London but a lot had changed in four weeks and now it felt like the vampire was leaving him behind, trying to get as far away from Jace as he could.

A hand slipped into his view, Alec curling his larger hand around Jace’s and squeezing at his clenched fist. Jace slowly turned his hand over, curling his fingers around Alec’s wrist and the other man did the same, the rough pad of his thumb brushing gently across the faded mark of Jace’s strength rune. The action was calming, Jace feeling some of his chaotic emotions mellow out slightly. He was over reacting, just because Simon was leaving for a week or two didn’t mean he was leaving for good. He never had been good at dealing with his emotions though and everything he felt for Simon was just so complicated and messy and Jace still wasn’t sure if he really wanted to face this head on or burry it all again but Jace wasn’t a coward and Alec and Magnus had been right. He had convinced himself that Simon couldn’t feel anything for him other than friendship without even finding out if that was true and he needed to rectify that if he wanted to be able to move on.

“Jace,” Alec called his name and Jace looked up from their joined hands, humming softly. Alec was already looking at him, not quite smiling but not scowling either. He looked slightly apologetic but determined and Jace knew that whatever he was going to say next was a truth that he thought Jace didn’t want to hear but thought he had to and he was most likely right. Jace didn’t like facing his feelings and he didn’t think this would be any different. “If you truly want to fix things with Simon then you are going to have to take responsibility for your actions,” he started cautiously, eyeing Jace wearily but when all he did was sigh and nod Alec continued, more confident now that he knew Jace wasn’t about to get angry with him. “He’s a good guy, if not a little idiotic but you know as well as I do that he wouldn’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone and especially not the people he cares about and he dose care about you Jace, even if its not in the way you want him to. Talk to him, actually listen to what he has to say instead of letting your jealousy and anger get the better of you. Sure maybe he won’t return your feelings but maybe he will and surly knowing either way is better than lying to yourself and driving the people you care about away.”

Jace drops his gaze back down to where they were holding each other’s wrists, his own thumb having started to rub small circles into the pale skin of Alec’s wrist. Talking wasn’t his strong suit, not proper talking anyway, about feelings and being all serious. He was charm and snark and brushing things off so he didn’t have to deal with them. Just like a lot of things tonight Alec was right, Jace needed to know and he did want to fix the mess that his relationship with Simon had become. By the angel Alec was going to be insufferable now. Jace flipped his fringe back, smiling tiredly as he looked up at Alec. “When did you get so smart?” Alec laughed, a smile spreading across his lips and his dark eyes almost seeming to light up. “Being with Magnus has taught me a lot of things, especially how to be honest with myself about my feelings.”

As if summoned by the mention of his name Magnus appeared in the doorway, a bottles of wine clasped tightly in one hand and a corkscrew in the other. He looks down at their clasped hands before darting his gaze up to Alec. “All good?” he asked looking between the two of them. Jace squeezed at Alec’s wrist smiling at his parabatai before looking up at the warlock. “Yeah we’re good.” The slightly guarded look vanishes instantly and Magnus practically beams at them. “Excellent,” he swaggers into the room, slipping into the chair next to Alec effortlessly. “Now how about we draw you up a battle plan for Friday hum?” He uncorks the bottle with a flourish and a pop, looking excitedly between the two of them as he refills their glasses.

He and Alec let go of each other at the same time, Jace relaxing back into his chair and Alec once again draping his arm across Magnus’s shoulders, smiling softly at his husband. Jace is terrified of what’s to come, of what Simon might say, if he will even give Jace the time to get his words out or be patient with him when he inevitably screws up his confession at some point and ends up accidentally insulting the other man but he knows that he has people there to help him pick up the pieces if everything goes wrong and celebrate alongside him if everything goes right. Still smiling he picks up his now full glass, “sounds good,” he says and it really does.

Track Four: Shame on me baby.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter Summary: Simon desperately wants to fix whatever has gone wrong between him and Jace but the shadowhunter seems determined to continue being an ass. That’s fine. If he wants Simon gone then he’s gone. He’s not going to stick around somewhere he clearly isn’t wanted.

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first

Jace was acting weird.

It had been a couple of weeks since the bar incident as Simon was calling it and though things had kind of gotten back to normal they were by no means perfect. Despite having still been angry and a little hurt by Jace’s actions the night before Simon had kept his promise and gone to the institute the next day, a mango smoothie in one hand and a club sandwich in the other. It had been meant as a peace offering, something to ease the tension he imagined would greet him at the institute but considering how rude the other man had been the night before Simon hadn’t been completely convinced that Jace wouldn’t just upend the drink over his head as soon as he handed it over.

Things had been a little uncomfortable to start with. Jace was clearly still angry with Simon and though he couldn’t quite understand why he had reacted so badly Simon had tried to rectify whatever had gone wrong between them the night before. He could only assume that Jace had been angry about Simon keeping things from him but he doubted he would ever find out exactly what had been the reason behind Jace being such an asshole because in true Jace fashion they had never actually spoken about it.

Alec had been there when Simon had turned up, he and Jace a whirling mass of limbs and swords and they spared. Simon had gotten to admire the view for all of two seconds before they had noticed he was there and everything had come to a sudden stop. He and Alec were by no means best friends but they were friendly enough and Simon had thought they had gotten past all the anger and animosity but clearly not because Alec had glared at Simon like he wanted to slowly drive a stake through his heart. Simon was man enough to admit that Alec terrified the hell out of him and he knew that whatever had happened between he and Jace needed to be fixed before Alec started cutting off body parts.

Jace had been the one to convince him to leave, Alec clearly reluctant to go but Jace had said his name in that way, all gentle and fond and the other shadowhunter had begrudgingly left them alone, glaring at Simon the whole time as he strode from the room. Once Alec was gone Jace still didn’t acknowledge him though, didn’t even look up at him and instead started tidying away the equipment they had been using. Simon had stood there awkwardly for all of two seconds, unsure what to do but he had never been one to handle the quiet well so he did what he always did and filled it with nerves rambling and pointless pop culture references.

Jace still hadn’t said anything as Simon rambled on, barreling headfirst into the subject and just spewing one apology after another. Simon was sorry, he hadn’t meant to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace or everyone else either but it had just kind of happened and Simon had been terrified that Jace knowing about his sleeping habits would mean he would have to explain why he was acting so out of character and he really didn’t want to have to tell Jace it was all his fault that Simon had ended up in this situation.

Simon had always been aware of how attractive Jace was, right from the very first moment he had laid eyes on the blonde bombshell. It had been part of the reason Simon had disliked him so much, well that and his massively inflated ego and cocky attitude. The point was that even when they had hated each other Simon had known that Jace was always the hottest guy in the room and that had been fine. Simon knew he could never compete with him in that aspect, had accepted that a long time ago but what he hadn’t been counting on was the more he got to know the blonde the more he would grow to actually like Jace.

Simon knew he was bi, had known since he was thirteen and gotten half hard drooling over a half naked Brad Pitt. Clary had known as well, of course she had, they had been best friends after all and told each other everything, well almost everything. Simon had never had the guts to tell her he wanted the love of her life to bend him over the nearest flat surface and make him scream in all the best ways. The point was that Simon hadn’t cared that he found Jace pretty or that he fantasised one to many times about the guy, even if he did feel slightly guilty about getting off to said fantasies afterwards. No what Simon cared about was the fact that it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Simon would have been able to handle that. Jace wasn’t the first straight guy that he had found attractive, it was bound to happen at some point and he would have been able to move on and get over it fairly quickly if it had just been physical but of course he hadn’t been that lucky.

Simon liked Jace. Like, like liked Jace and that was just catastrophic on an apocalyptical level. Mr ‘I’m secure in my sexuality’ Herondale had made it perfectly clear that he was as straight as a flag poll and even if he hadn’t been Simon knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance any way. Guys like him never went for the nerdy and awkward types like Simon, especially not the hot, leather clad angelic warrior kind that had the love of his life already at their side.

He had been jealous, he could admit that. Not just of Jace but Clary to. The two people he cared for the most in the world were happy together and though it left Simon feeling a little out cast he was still happy for them. They were in love and happy and really that was all Simon could ever ask for. So he had put his feelings in a box and buried them as deep as he could and tried to move on. First with Maia and then with Izzy. Neither of those relationships had gone to plan but they had ended amicably and their friendships were probably stronger now thanks to the intimacy they once shared. Simon had moved on, from his puppy love with Clary and his hero worship for Jace, or he thought he had at least but then everything had gone to hell and Simon’s life had started to fall apart once more.

He was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Jace was going through and he had seen it as his duty to help his best friend’s epic love make it through losing her. They had started to spend more time together, to much time if Simon was being honest because that almost forgotten and dust covered box began to crack and everything he had though he had moved on from came pouring back out. He hadn’t moved on at all, just buried it so deep that he had forgotten it was even there.

It was to much sometimes, how full on Jace could be but Simon had wanted to be there for him, wanted to be the friend Jace deserved so he had put Jace’s needs first and forced his own feelings down until they were nothing but a fleeting thought. In the end it had been worth it because now Simon could say without any sarcasm or denial from the other man that he and Jace were friends and close ones at that. If only Jace would have stopped flirting with Simon than he would have been able to stick to the plan and just stayed friends.

Simon wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Jace flirted with anything and everything with a pulse and even those without. He knew Jace didn’t mean anything by it, knew that he was just being himself but Simon wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and every time Jace turned that charming smile on him or winked or made some suggestive comment, Simon could have sworn his dead heart would flutter only to rapidly turn back to stone when he remembered it didn’t mean anything to the blonde. It was exhausting, wearing him down to the point he felt like he was going to snap and just yell at Jace to stop. It was too much and it hurt to have something he so desperately wanted constantly dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away with a melodic laugh and a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Some days he handled it better then others and some days he went home and questioned the choices he had made in his life to end up hopelessly in love with his straight friend who also happened to be his ex’s brother and his best friend’s soul mate. It was like a story line out of one of those trashy teen fantasy adventures and they only ever turned out good for the main characters and Simon definitely wasn’t that.

It was on a particularly bad day that Simon found himself seeking refuge at the Hunters Moon, trying not to down one plasma shot after another. Jace had been to much that day, getting into Simon’s personal space and constantly touching him whilst calling him babe and darling. Simon’s fragile heart hadn’t been able to take it so when Jace had headed off for patrol Simon had turned down the invite to join him and had made up some half formed lie about trying out for a band. He had made a quick escape before anyone could question it, running at full speed and only stopping once he was stood outside the bar.

He had been pleasantly buzzed, just on the right side of drunk when someone had slipped into the empty bar stool next to him and asked him if the brooding vampire act worked for him. He had been confused at first, not thinking she was talking to him because why would she? No one approached Simon and especially not insanely attractive brunettes with legs that went on for days and plush red lips that Simon wanted to sink his teeth into. She had been the complete opposite to Jace, all soft curves and gentle touches where Jace was hard muscles and undeniable strength. Simon had desperately wanted to forget, just for one night that he wasn’t right back where all this craziness had started and hopelessly in love with a friend but unlike with Clary Simon knew there wasn’t a chance that Jace would ever want him back. So Simon had welcomed her advances, a little awkwardly at first but after another drink he had loosened up and actually managed to not embarrass himself for once in his life.

Things had gotten a little hazy after that. There had been more drinking, a lot of flirting and casual touches. Simon remembered almost dropping his drink the first time she touched him, her long and delicate fingers gently stroking up the inside of his thigh. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome and as the night went on he became bolder in his own actions, his confidence growing as time went on.

He had taken her home with him, the two of them all laughter and stolen kisses as they stumbled through his apartment, stripping off the others clothes as they went. It hadn’t been gentle but it had been passionate. Simon had never slept with another vampire before and it had been an experience he wouldn’t forget any time soon. It had been nice not to hold back, to not have to worry about his speed or strength or even his fangs. He hadn’t had to worry about anything apart from making her feel good and Simon knew he was more than capable of doing that.

The next day when he had finally managed to drag himself out of bed the apartment had been a mess, looking like it had been ransacked almost. He had ignored it all, grabbing a couple of bottles of blood and head back to his bed and the women still in it. Though he was hung over he was more than ready to carry on where they had left off and that was exactly what they had done, wasting away the day in a tangle of limbs and sheets, the rest of the world simply falling away as he lost himself in the other vampire. It wasn’t till night had come back round and she had gone that Simon even realized he hadn’t thought of Jace once the whole day.

It had left him stunned, shocked that he hadn’t even noticed the other mans absence, frozen in the living room and clutching a cushion like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the here and now. He had forgotten Jace, hadn’t even spared the blonde a thought, not even to wish it was him in his bed and not the vampire. For one glorious night and day Simon hadn’t been focused on a man he couldn’t have. He felt guilty, especially when he dug his phone out of his jeans and had seen all the miss calls and texts from Jace as well as a few from Izzy to. He had text him back straight away apologizing for being MIA and promising to meet Jace in an hour for his patrol. The only reply he had gotten was a demand for coffee and a cinnamon roll, something Simon was more than capable of providing.

Simon didn’t know why but when Jace had asked him about his absence all day he hadn’t been able to tell him why. It was like the words had got stuck in his throat, refusing to move past his lips. He felt guilty, a little ashamed over what he had done because as much as he had enjoyed the vampires company he had used her as a distraction, a way to cover up and redirect his feelings for Jace. How could he tell Jace that he had spent the day between someone else’s legs to forget about him? So he hadn’t, had carried on with his lie about joining a band and when Jace had pushed for information Simon had brushed him off and changed the subject, rambling a mile a minuet about the new Marvel movie he wanted to see.

He hadn’t meant for it to become a thing but once could be classed as a mistake, a second time a case of bad judgment but a third, a fourth? That was when it became a habit. Every time it became to much, when Simon felt like he was just seconds away from cracking and pinning Jace down and telling him everything he had kept bottled up for so long, Simon would go out looking for a distraction and he found one every time.

He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism but it had worked well enough for Jace before, well everything and it wasn’t like Simon was hurting anyone other than himself. He could ask Jace to stop with the flirting and casual touches and Simon knew that was probably what he should have done but he didn’t want Jace to feel like he couldn’t be himself around Simon, that he didn’t like the person Jace was because that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. So he kept his mouth shut and endured the teasing, the flirting, the way Jace would touch him so casually and completely unaware that it left Simon feeling like his skin was burning. Simon just gritted his teeth and plaster on a wide smile acting like it was nothing, normal even and somewhere along the line it had become normal for them to flirt and joke about being a old married couple.

The worst thing was that it help Simon’s confidence, the more Jace pretended to hit on him the better Simon became at flirting and picking people up. He was getting a bit of a reputation in the down world and Maia thought it was hilarious how he and Jace had seemed to of switched roles. That wasn’t lost on Simon. He was now the one with a phone full of casual flings and a name to hide it all behind and Jace was the one who seemed incapable of picking anyone up if the way he had crashed and burned the other week was any indication.

It worked for Simon though, surprisingly well actually and as the weeks turned to months and his confidence grew Simon found himself able to get through the day without worrying about Jace and how easy he could screw up the friendship he valued over everything else. He flirted back now, liked how Jace just beamed at him when he did like it was some fantastical inside joke that the two of them shared. Simon channeled everything he felt for Jace into his one night stands and casual flings and his life seemed to balance out, Simon finally able to be the friend that Jace deserved.

Simon hadn’t told Jace any of that though. He was already angry enough with Simon as it was and he didn’t want Jace punching him in the face and telling him to get lost and never find his way back. Instead he had apologized for the secrecy and the lies. He was sorry he had kept it a secret but he hadn’t meant to, it had just kind of happened and any way he hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal considering Jace’s own lifestyle before Clary had shown up. He promised not to lie in the future and swore that he hadn’t meant to hurt Jace by making him feel like Simon didn’t trust him or worse yet didn’t care about him.

Jace had sat there the whole time, silently sipping at his drink and eating his sandwich, not giving Simon any indication that he was even listening to him as he paced up and down the training room. It was only when he finally stopped rambling that Jace spoke, offering up a simple ‘okay’. Simon hadn’t really understood, parroting the word back at the blonde in confusion. Jace had just rolled his eyes, insisting it was fine, Jace wasn’t his keeper and if Simon wanted to screw around with half the down world then that was his prerogative. Jace didn’t care were he stuck his dick as long as it didn’t interfere with there work.

That had hurt a little, not as much as the night before but still left Simon feeling ashamed of himself. He had taken Jace’s forgiveness though, grasped it with both hands like the pathetic and desperate mess he was, still is. He was just glad that Jace wasn’t mad at him anymore. He hadn’t pushed for more time when Jace had gone off to find Alec, Jace patting him on the shoulder as he walked passed and reminding Simon about their scheduled trading the next day.

It had been a relief but something about it had all seemed a little off. Jace had been quiet, more subdued and a little somber. It had worried Simon that Jace hadn’t actually forgiven anything and had only said he had to avoid any problems between the two of them. But he put his faith in Jace, trusting that after everything they had been through that Jace wouldn’t lie to him like that but as the weeks passed Simon was starting to think that he had damaged their relationship beyond repair and he couldn’t understand how.

Things were a little weird between them now and Simon couldn’t pin point the exact reason why. He would have thought it was because Jace had seen Simon making out with a guy but he knew that was absurd because Jace had no problem with Alec or Magnus so why would he have a problem with Simon about it. Jace didn’t flirt as much now, didn’t touch Simon as much either and Simon knew that he should be thankful for that but it left him feeling weird, almost on edge, like he was touch starved and desperately awaiting the next moment he could feel Jace’s hands on him. He hadn’t realise how much Jace touched him until it all seemed to stop and now Simon was left feeling disappointed and sad every time that touch never came. It was like he was being punished and Simon was close to a full blown breakdown. In fact he might even start crying if Jace goes to touch him only to change his mind at the last second.

Maybe it was because Jace had found out that Simon was bi. Maybe he was worried that their casual flirting would give Simon ideas that Jace wanted nothing to do with. Simon wasn’t stupid though and he knew that it didn’t mean anything to Jace, not like it did for him and Simon would never act on any of his feelings, ever. He wanted Jace in his life and he was well aware he would only get that if they were friends and Simon had come to terms with that, except he wasn’t so sure they were friends any more.

They hadn’t been spending as much time together outside of training and patrols, Jace always saying he didn’t want to ruin any plans Simon might have. He would wink at Simon, make some comment about his sex life that always left Simon feeling ashamed and dirty and like Jace was judging him for how he spent his nights. He was sure he was being punished, kept at arms length and it hurt. He felt like they were going backwards, the friendship that Simon valued so much slowly unravelling with every refused offer to hang out or aborted touch. It hurt to lose that closeness and Simon didn’t know what to do to fix it outside of getting into another relationship with a women just so Jace wouldn’t worry about Simon’s interest in him. Well that or becoming a priest but that would be difficult considering he still couldn’t say g-ah.

“I hate it when you do that.” Izzy’s voice yanked Simon out of his head and away from his spiraling thought, his head snapping up from where he had been starting unseeingly down at the table. “Huh?” She sighed, rolling her eyes as she put down the tablet she had been holding and looked pointedly at him. “Stop breathing and go all still. You look like a depressed statue.” Simon’s jerks up straight, forcing himself to take unneeded breaths once more. He hadn’t even noticed, had been so consumed with everything going on in his head that he didn’t realise he had just checked out of what was going on around him.

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking off to the side. The ops center was busy, shadowhunters milling around and going about their daily tasks like a vampire wasn’t stood amongst them. He supposed they were used to him but now considering how much time he spent in the institute. Izzy had joked about him moving in once, making some teasing comment about how he and Jace were practically dating anyway so they should just move in together and make it official. Simon had almost choked on his blood but Jace had laughed and slung his arm around Simon’s shoulder, casually commenting on the fact he didn’t have enough space in his room for all Simon’s nerd stuff so he should just move into Simon’s apartment instead.

It was things like that that left Simon scrambling, unsure what to do with his feelings. He had played along, joking about not having nearly enough room in his bathroom cupboards for all of Jace’s hair products whilst internally he had been struggling not to imagine how his home would look if Jace was to share it with him. He hated how much he wanted that. Wanted to come home to the gentle sound of piano music and blades stored amongst the umbrellas and the fridge full of food alongside his bottles of blood. It was a pointless fantasy and whenever someone brought things like that up it always left Simon feeling alone, his apartment to big just for him.

“So you want to tell me?” Izzy asked, not even looking at Simon as she began to pull up reports. Simon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the edge of the table. “Tell you what?” he said casually, planning on feigning ignorance for as long as he could. This was one secret he would keep and he wouldn’t let Isabelle bully it out of him. She glanced up from her tablet, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Why all the depressed statue nonsense.” Simon pursed his lips, giving Izzy his best unimpressed look. He wasn’t a depressed statute, he was a melancholy vampire. There was a difference. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Simon mumbled, lifting his head up and looking off to the side.

Izzy huffed in amusement, her attention going back to her work even though a wide smile stretched across her plump red lips. She looked good, always did and though Simon loved where they were now he did regret that they hadn’t worked out. He could see himself really loving Izzy, the two of them maybe even getting married and adopting little shadowhunter’s but it wasn’t fair to her, to ask for that sort of commitment when he was in love with her brother and sure, maybe if he had stuck it out and worked at it he would have fallen out of love with Jace eventually but he didn’t want to get five years down the line and the two of them thinking about all the kind of things that came with a long term relationship and still be pining after Jace. It wasn’t fair and he wouldn’t do that to her, Simon cared too much about her to do that to her.

“Sure and it’s nothing to do with the little lovers quarrel you and Jace are having?” Simon narrowed his eyes at her, not at all impressed with the knowing look or satisfied smirk she was giving him. “We’re not lovers,” he grumbled. They weren’t lovers and at this rate Simon didn’t think he would be able to call them friends for much longer. “But you are fighting?” Crap. He had walked straight into that one, focusing on the one thing she knew annoyed him. Sighing he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. “We’re not fight we’re…I don’t know it’s….complicated.” He cringed as he stumbled over his words, not really knowing how to even begin describing what was happening between him and Jace because Simon simply didn’t know. They definitely weren’t fighting but something was going on between them and it wasn’t good.

Izzy looked up, frown in place and a demand for more information already on the tip of her tongue. Simon can’t do it, can’t stand here and talk about his big gay crush on his ex’s brother or the fact that he was coping with that attraction by sleeping with anyone who showed interest. Maia was right, he is a slut. “Look its fine, we’re fine,” he rushed out, waving off whatever she had been about to ask and taking a step backwards without looking. “It’s not important and stupid. We’ll be right as rain in no time,” Simon rambled, still not paying attention as he walked backwards and tried to get as far away from the current conversation as he could without being rude.

He was so caught up with what he was saying that Simon didn’t notice the shadowhunter behind him until his shoulder slammed into them and he stumbled backwards. Strong hands gripped his arm and waist, stopping him from falling flat on his ass. With wide eyes he looked up at the man scowling down at him, his blue eyes filled with annoyance. “Watch where you’re going,” he growled and Simon quickly righted himself, giving the guy a sheepish look as he huffed and continued on his way. G-ah he couldn’t do anything right could he? Not even something as simple was walking.

“Careful, we wouldn’t want any more accidents.” Simon spun back round at the teasing words, Izzy smiling widely up at him. Panic set in, Simon feeling a cold dread seep into his very soul but it was replaced quickly by a wave of anger. “He told you?” Simon hissed. She knew, she had to know to have said that and looking at Simon all knowingly and sly. He didn’t know why but Simon had thought Jace had kept it to himself but why would he? Simon should have known that he would tell at least Isabelle, Alec and by extension Magnus. His whole core friend group probably knew by now what Simon had been doing when he had been pretending to be off at band practice. He felt judged and he didn’t like it, especially coming from the likes of Izzy and Jace, two people who had still probably slept with more people than Simon had.

“No,” Izzy spoke cautiously, eyeing Simon like she was worried that he was about go hunt down Jace and start yelling at him. Honestly it was tempting. Simon got he was angry about the lying and weirded out by the whole bi thing but what right did he have to make any kind of judgment on how Simon spent his free time or with who he sought the company of? Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and Jace shouldn’t be making him feel so shitty about his chosen life style when he had been just as bad once, if not worse. Simon wanted to go find Jace in whatever room he had hidden himself away in and demand an explanation, to call him out on all the utter bullshit of the last few weeks and finally find out what his problem truly was instead of tip toeing around the issue because he was afraid of damaging their already strained relationship beyond repair. Simon loved Jace, he did but just because he loved the man didn’t mean he would stand there and let him treat him like that.

“Maia did.” Izzy’s tentative words cut through Simon’s tangent, his anger at Jace easing ever so slightly. Simon groaned, the tension leaving his shoulders as his head fell forward into his hands. Of course Maia would have told Izzy, those two got on surprisingly well and loved nothing more than to triad embarrassing stories about Simon. He knew he was just lashing out at Jace because he was hurt by the other mans treatment of him but that didn’t change anything. Jace was being kind of shitty to Simon at the moment and Simon could live with that if he only knew the reason why.

Of all the stupid and idiotic things he could halve said though, calling it an accident had probably been up there with trying to hiding it all in the first place but it had been an accident. Simon hadn’t meant to pick up both of them, had only intended to score a date with Alva but when he had turned up and she had been sat waiting with Alvin he hadn’t had the heart to turn the man away. And anyway Alvin was insanely attractive, they both were and Simon would be lying if he said that a threesome wasn’t a fantasy of his, he had just always imagined it with Clary and some other unspecified person. There had been a few months where Simon had imagined a tumble or two with Clary and Jace but he had quickly shut that thought down, not wanting to get too fixated on the blonde.

A lot of good that had done him.

Izzy laughed, clearly enjoying Simon’s embarrassment. “Shut up,” he mumbled even as he smiled softly at her. He was still a little annoyed at Maia but he had never actively set out to hide, it had just happened that way and he was surprised it had taken this long for him to be found out. “It was kind of idiotic, even for you,” Isabelle smiled at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she teased him. Simon laughed gently, stepping back up to the table and leaning against it again. “Yeah well, I never said I was smart.” He was an idiot when it came to all things Jace and when faced with the blonde’s anger Simon had faltered, losing whatever confidence he had had when it had just been him and the two seelie’s.

They lapsed into silence, Izzy tapping away and Simon just stood there watching. He made a conscious effort this time to move every now and then and made sure that he kept up the charade of breathing. The silence didn’t last long though, Izzy speaking before he got too bogged down in his thoughts. “Is that why you and Jace are fighting.” Simon sighed. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave it alone. He could brush it off, should just leave but Simon was tired and he wanted to talk to someone about it because it was exhausting dealing with the emotional whiplash. He just wanted things back to normal and without asking Magnus to rewind time Simon was at a loss as what to do.

“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on with Jace right now. He’s been off with me since he found out about the whole-” Simon gestured at himself, “band practice thing.” Simon sighed, his posture slumping as he braced his hands on the desk and let his head fall forward to hang between his arms. Why was his life always so complicated? Just for once he wanted to just cost through life without any problems or ridiculous complications. He just wanted to exist, happy and carefree for just one day. That wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

“Simon,” Izzy sighed, her delicate looking hand appearing in his field of vision as she placed it over one of his. Simon lifted his head slightly, looking up at her through his lashes. She was giving him a sad smile, her head tipped to the side slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulder in dark and silky waves. “Can you really not think of a reason why he would be acting like he is?” she urged softly and Simon frowned. He thought it was because Jace was annoyed by Simon’s secrecy and that he was uncomfortable with finding out that Simon was into guys but from the look Izzy was giving him he thought that maybe it was something else but Simon just couldn’t see what else she would be implying.

Before he could tell he that though his phone started to ring, the opening bars of the Star Wars theme loud and jarring in the mostly muffled murmur of the room. Snatching his hand away Simon fumbled for his phone, fishing it out of his back pocket and flipping it over to see who it was. Though he knew it wouldn’t be Jace, the blonde having his own ringtone of the Captain America theme, there had still been a spark of hope that it would have been the blonde. As the name Tyler flashed across the screen though Simon felt nothing but disappointment. He supposed it was a blonde, just the wrong one.

Simon had met Tyler a couple of months ago at the Jade Palace and well, Simon had been gone the second he had walked in the door. He was tall, with long dirty blonde hair and eyes grey like a storm was rolling in. He clearly worked out, his obvious muscles rippling as he moved and Simon hadn’t been able to look away, transfixed by the animal like grace he possessed. Simon should have ran in the opposite direction, should have known that it would make things worse for him in the long run but he had spent the whole day with Jace, the other man flirting like he was actively trying to get Simon into bed as they spared and Simon had been desperate for something to help him get rid of the tension running through his body and the hunger singing in his veins.

It was easy to see the similarities between Jace and Tyler, wasn’t lost on Simon why the werewolf had caught his attention in the first place. The guy was cocky and arrogant though and unlike with Jace where it was earned and kind of endearing it just made the werewolf come across as a complete and utter asshole. He was mean as well, spiteful even, not really caring about his cruel words or too tight grip. Simon had known it was a terrible decision to get involved with him yet he kept going back like the stupid and pathetic mess that he was. He was the only person Simon was seeing on a semi regular basis that he didn’t actually like. The sex was always good but Simon always felt like shit afterwards and no matter how long he spent in the shower he could never get the feeling of being dirty to go away.

“Are you going to answer that?” Simon darted his eyes up to Izzy. “Erm no,” he answered quickly, declining the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket. She raised an eyebrow at him and Simon shrugged, pointedly not looking her in the eye. “You know I don’t mind if it was someone trying to set up a date?” She smiled reassuringly at him and Simon felt something inside him crack a little. “No, I did not know that,” he said honestly, admitting to his fear that she would think less of him for his actions. “It’s just sex Simon and as long as you’re being safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult no one has any right to judge you for it, least of all us.”

Simon wanted to laugh at that, wanted to ask if she could go tell Jace that because he was definitely judging Simon for his sex life. “No. Yeah. Sure. Everything’s safe, sane and consenting. Well mostly sane, sometimes we might be a little drunk,” Simon rambled, the words rushing out of him in a bid to reassure Izzy that he wasn’t a complete screw up. She was smiling fondly at him, the same look she always gave him when he was being like this. It was nice, reassuring to know that nothing had changed between them. He didn’t realise how much he had need someone to let him know everything was okay until Izzy had. His happiness was quickly swallowed up by hurt and anger though as Simon’s mind went back to Jace. Why was it so easy for Izzy to accept it, to accept him and to act like nothing had changed when Jace couldn’t even look him in the eye now?

As if he had been summoned just by the thought of him Jace came bounding down the stairs, smirking as he made his way towards them. “Who’s drunk and why wasn’t I invited?” He barely even glanced at Simon as he walked round the table coming to a stop next to Izzy and placing his own tablet down. “No one,” Simon rushed out before Izzy could say anything, shooting her a glare as she laughed. Jace looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow at Simon as if he expected an explanation but considering how Jace had been lately Simon really didn’t want to bring his sex life into any conversation that Jace was involved in.

“Not in the talking mood today? That’s new,” Jace said teasingly and Simon turned his glare towards him, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Jace snorted in laughter, a genuine smile spreading across his lips and Simon instantly felt his glare soften. The last few weeks those smiles had been rare and seeing it now left Simon feeling warm, like the first time he had been able to stand in the sunlight after he became a vampire. The feeling didn’t last long.

“Simon’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to arrange band practice in front of us,” Izzy teased, smiling widely across the table at Simon as she nocked her shoulder into Jace’s. The smile fell from Jace’s lips instantly, hurt and disappointment flickering behind Jace’s eyes. “Izzy,” Simon hissed angrily at her even as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Jace, watching as he just kind of shut down. Jace laughed but it was hollow, his smile obviously fake to Simon who had spent years watching the other man. “What’s the matter Lewis, afraid we’ll find out who your band mates are?” His voice was light and teasing as he spoke and to anyone else it probably would have seemed like the three of them were sharing a joke but Simon caught the slight bite to his name, the minuscule twitch of his lips into a frown at the end. Jace only ever called him Lewis when he was angry with him. Well that or mundie but that one always seemed to hurt more, like he couldn’t even acknowledge everything that had happened since he and Simon had first met.

“No, I thought we could hang out. Maybe go see a movie and get dinner. My treat,” Simon said quietly, his voice surprisingly flat and lacking any real emotion behind it. That had been why Simon had come to the institute, hoping to spend time with Jace and try and fix things but he had known the moment he had walked into the ops center and Jace had walked out that he wasn’t going to get the chance. Nothing had changed since then, in fact his chances of getting any time with Jace had probably gone down. “Nah, wouldn’t want you missing out on quality band time.” Jace didn’t even look up from the tablet he was fiddling with, his eyes tracking across the screen as he clicked on one thing than another.

“I don’t care about ‘band time’,” Simon spat out, making air quotes for it’s his fingers around the last two words, not that Jace was looking at him to see. Anger swirled in his stomach, his hands gripping at the edge of the table and eyes firmly fixed in the blonde. He wanted Jace to look at him. For once Simon wanted Jace to actually look at him and see what he was doing to him. Jace’s shoulders tensed, his hand stilling for a second before he continued with his work, his eyes never straying from the screen and sounding almost bored when he spoke. “It’s fine, go have fun with your groupies, we don’t need you here.” Simon felt his words like a slap to the face.

Jace had said a lot of crappy things to him since they had first met but somehow hearing him say he didn’t need him broke Simon’s cold dead heart in two. It felt like he was being told to get out and not come back, that Jace was trying to force him out of his life without actually having to say it. Simon knew he didn’t mean it like that, well he hoped he didn’t but the casual dismissal of Simon had his gut twisting, the thought of Jace not wanting him in any capacity making him feel sick.

“Look at me,” Simon demanded. If Jace wanted him gone then he could at least do Simon the favor of looking him in the eye when he told him. Jace’s heart rate picked up, his jaw clenched and eye twitching. Still he didn’t look up though, his eyes staying firmly fixed on the tablet in his hands. Simon wanted to yank it away from him, throw it across the room and listen to the satisfy noise as it shattered against the floor. “Look. At. Me,” he growled out, his anger swelling with every second that Jace ignored him. It was a simple request, all he wanted was to see the look in Jace’s eyes as he ripped Simon’s heart out. Maybe then he would be able to move on with his life and stop chasing someone who clearly didn’t want him.

Sighing Jace’s shoulders slumped slightly and finally he lifted his gaze up. “What?” he snapped in annoyance, glaring at Simon and if his heart was still beating Simon was sure it would have stopped. His eyes were dark and stormy, looking at Simon like he was nothing, an inconvenience. He looked so angry, glaring at Simon like he was the cause of all Jace’s problems and maybe he was. Faced with such hate Simon felt all the fight drain out of him.

What was he doing? Clearly Jace was done with him, probably was only being nice to avoid issues with Izzy and the work Simon did with Alec and the downworld council. He was making things worse like always. Jace was trying to make a clean break and here he was refusing to play along. Whatever had shifted for Jace that night clearly was bad enough that he didn’t want to salvage their friendship and Simon should respect that. Jace didn’t want or need him and the sooner he realized that the better it would be for both of them.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Simon said softly, his eyes dropping in an attempt to escape Jace’s cold and angry eyes. He didn’t wait for an answer, didn’t want to hear Jace’s snarky and biting retort. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, keeping his head down and turned, walked away from them and the last shred of hope he had held onto of salvaging his and Jace’s relationship. “Simon!” He ignored Izzy’s loud cry of his name, speeding up as he strode from the room. He was desperate to get away before the tears began to fall and he made more of a fool of himself. He didn’t want Jace to see how much he had hurt him either, didn’t want Jace to see just how much Simon cared about what he though of him.

Simon couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, couldn’t understand why Jace was acting the way he was. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and the fact he was treating Simon like he had was just unfair. Izzy was right, no one had the right to judge him for having an active sex life and especially not Jace bloody Herondale. Sure Simon had kept it a secret but Jace hadn’t gone around broadcasting his sexcapades to everyone either and sure that might have been because he didn’t want Clary to know how big a man whore he was but that just drew even more similarities between what Jace had done and what Simon was doing now.

To hell with Jace. If he wanted to throw away their friendship then so be it. Simon was done being the one to always apologize. If Jace wanted fix things between them than he knew where Simon was and until then he planned on staying as far away from Jace as he could. He clearly didn’t want Simon in his life and he could at least grant the asshole that.

As he shoved through the institute doors Simon yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with electricity, the need to do something to get rid of all his pent up anger and aggression almost driving him mad. He needed to fight or fuck and lucky enough for him he had a whole phone of people willing to help him with the latter and one in particular who would be down for a mix of the two.

He clicked on Tyler’s contact, the phone ringing twice before the other man picked up. “Knew you couldn’t stay away,” he growled, a confident lilt to his voice that had Simon cringing. “My afternoon just opened up,” Simon said in answer, choosing to ignore his previous comment. “Lucky you.” Yeah lucky, that’s totally how Simon would describe his current situation. “Sure, be at my place in an hour or don’t bother coming at all.” Simon hung up before Tyler could spew any more crap and before he could change his mind. It was a bad decision but Simon was just full of those at the moment so why not add one more to the ever frowning list. It wasn’t like anyone cared what he did, not the ones that mattered anyway.

A Pinkie Pie x Fluttershy moodboard with themes of unconditional love, pining for each other and friends-to-lovers.

Requested by:anon

What Is This Feeling - Part Five

I just want to give a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who followed along with this story. I didn’t intend to drag it out this long, but with such a wonderful idea from DragonRider and all those fun prompt lines, I couldn’t help it. I had fun with this and loved the challenge of trying out angst/hurt/comfort, more than I ever have with my writing before. I guess all the screaming, crying comments meant I did a good job?

Hunter x Reader | 2.4k words

Content warnings: Making-out, Bittersweet ending?

Part One|Part Two|Part Three|Part Four

You woke feeling a weight behind you, only this time you knew it was real. Warm and solid and breathing ever-so-softly. You knew it was really him, not a dream or a misunderstanding or a projection of your most desperate desires. It was the man you’d been waking up to for three mornings now.

And this morning was going to be the last.

You cursed silently to yourself. Time. Time was always the enemy for the two of you. Even without all that jealousy and confusion getting in the way, Hunter would’ve still had to leave. And even now, with a few extra days afforded to the Batch to sweep for any other “surprises” left behind by the pirates, he would still have to leave. He would always leave you. It was inevitable. Fate.

And that was probably why the two of you hadn’t really talked about anything in those few extra days. Granted, you two were clearly not the best at communicating to begin with, but in this case, there didn’t seem to be anything to say that wasn’t already known. You could see it in each other’s eyes, the understanding that yes, you’d been gifted with a little bit of time, time to bask in the revelation of each other’s shared feelings, time to indulge in those feelings just a little more than you would’ve otherwise… but also that that time was not enough for anything further. That there was no time to actually start anything, to go down a path that you’d ultimately have to abandon. No time to actually feel fulfilled or satisfied.

And so you didn’t talk. You didn’t make plans or decisions or even wishes. You didn’t do anything to set yourselves up for a more painful parting.

Except sleep together.

Obviously not in that way, though the temptation was certainly there, and growing stronger with each additional night. No. You only truly slept.The arrangement had gone unspoken; you didn’t ask, he didn’t offer, it just happened. He’d followed you to your bed that first night, after a long day of administering aide and cleaning up and mourning over the dead. You were both so exhausted and simply collapsed into each other.

Waking that morning, side by side, had felt so natural. Like you were always meant to start the day with each other. The tattoo on the one side of his face was smushed into your pillow and you gazed at the other side for a long while. And he gazed at you. Nothing spoken, but everything understood. You’d finally given him a small smile, and he returned it, before you both rose and proceeded with the day.

The couple of mornings after were similar. Gently waking, taking the other in for as long a moment as you could afford, and then moving on. It seemed like such a cold thing to do, but in actuality it was so intimate it made your heart hurt in horribly new ways. And you knew it did the same to him, too. That’s why you never crossed the line further. Any more intimacy and you’d both surely die.

This morning, your last morning together, felt the same as the others and it made you mad. It didn’t feel real. It wouldn’t feel real until tomorrow, when you’d be waking up without him. And that seemed far too late to be fair. How could you savor this last moment? How could you make it meaningful?

You rolled over to face Hunter, hoping to find your thoughts reflected in his eyes once more. He was already awake, eyelids heavy but still opened to meet your gaze. You thought maybe you saw all the same things you’d seen in them before, but now you couldn’t be so sure. Were you projecting again? Jumping to the wrong conclusions? Choosing to believe he felt the same turmoil only so you wouldn’t feel so alone in yours?

You needed more from him, something different than what’d you’d gotten in the other mornings. So you scooted yourself closer and lifted a hand toward his face. With a speed that caught you by surprise, his hand was grasped around your wrist, holding you back. There was a warning in his eyes. Well, that was something different.

His grip softened as you let out a small gasp. He hadn’t meant to scare you. You quickly recovered and took advantage of his loosened hold, wiggling your wrist free and proceeding with your plan to gently lay your hand along his cheek. As soon as your skin made contact with his, his eyes furrowed shut and his mouth turned down in a grimace.

“Don’t,” he rasped. Another warning, but he didn’t move away. Didn’t push back.

You pressed on, rubbing along his cheekbone and scooting yourself even closer until your noses tickled each other.

“Don’t,” he said again, still frowning, but much quieter. He was losing resolve, and so were you.

You rubbed your nose along his, placed a feather-light kiss to the side of it. You were walking such a dangerous line, trying to add just one special thing to your last moment together. And the more you lingered, the more you wanted to cross it entirely.

You heard him whisper your name, another futile attempt to stop you.

“Hunter,” you whispered his name back, and then planted a firmer kiss along his jaw.

There was pressure against your shoulder as he tried to push you away. That, along with the taste of his skin on your lips and the warmth of his being so close to yours, made you panic.

No, no. This was not the last morning. It couldn’t be. It simply couldn’t.

You must have said some of those sentiments out loud as Hunter began to respond to them.

“There’s nothing we can do,” he said softly. “We knew this. We…”

He sighed, perhaps defeated now himself. Notably, his attempts to push you back were wavering in strength. His pained frown and melancholy groans were faltering.

You’d crossed the line, and now you were taking anything you could get, while you could. Your fingers were tangled up in his hair. Your lips parted as they pressed a mix of gentle and firm kisses to every inch of his skin within your reach. Your body was slowly sliding more and more onto his, one leg slung over his hip, engulfing his muscular frame as much as you could manage. He wiggled beneath you in protest; half-hearted protest. You’d brought him into a wickedly indulgent dance that you both knew was far beyond the bounds of what you could handle. But neither of you could seem to fully stop.

Eventually, to both your delight and dismay, for a part of you was hoping he’d have more strength than you and would put an end to this before it was too late, Hunter did give in.

His movements switched from pushing to pulling, from fighting to giving. He titled his head to finally meet your lips with his own. His arms snaked around your middle and locked you in place. One of his hands drifted up to the nape of your neck to find purchase, to ensure your mouth stayed on his. The one kiss you’d shared in that cellar, stolen and relished, desperate only in that it’d felt like you were making up for lost time, had nothing on this one now. This was all fire and fear and persistent hope.

His tongue was dragging along the roof of your mouth and you were only able to wonder briefly where he’d learned to do that before you realized you couldn’t breathe. You parted and panted against each other, taking in the other’s breaths as your own, eyes connecting for a moment before going back in for more.

How long you were connected like this was an irrelevant detail, for it would never be long enough. Time, after all, was the enemy.

Hunter flipped you over, cradling you beneath him as he gave just a few lingering kisses, pulling at your bottom lip gently before finally letting go. Your passion had simmered down just enough to where you could finally hear the sounds of his breathing, rather than your own hammering heart in your ears. He looked down on you, his expression readable to you once more now that you had the reassurance you both still felt as one. He was full of sadness and fondness and dread and ambition.

As were you.

“Hunter–” you started but he shook his head at you, strands of his hair falling forward without his bandana to hold them back.

“Don’t.”

“But–”

He shushed you with his lips, pushing them softly onto yours for a few seconds and then pulling back.

“Please,” he said through a low exhale. “Let me speak this time… Before you go getting any wrong ideas again.”

He said the last part ever-so-teasingly, making you roll your eyes at him. But you pursed your lips, showing that you would let him go first. He took a second to think it over, choose his words carefully. You had a feeling where this would be going, but you gave him the lead to take you there.

“I had been thinking about the future, you know. My life as a clone. We don’t have the freedom to think such things, but I found myself thinking of them anyway. Guess I’m a rebel like that.”

You smiled as he chuckled to himself but still stayed silent.

“I don’t know… I guess I’m not as loyal as I was created to be. At least… not to the Republic.”

He paused and his eyes slipped away, looking for words again. You brought your hands up to brush his hair back, combing your fingers through lightly, over and over. The repetition seemed to soothe him and he brought himself back to look at you.

“You know I love you.”

You nodded. “And you love your brothers.”

He nodded back, relieved you were understanding him so well. “I used to think we’d reach a point where we’d feel like we’d outgrown our role as soldiers, and that’s when I’d propose we all leave together. And even now that I have a reason to leave sooner… a really good reason,” he stole a quick kiss to accentuate his point, bringing out a giggle from you, “I still worry for them. What if they’re punished for my desertion? What if they’re sent to find and kill me? I can’t do that to them. I’m sorry, love, but not even for you.”

You brought your hands down from his hair to hold the sides of his face and shook your head furiously at him. “I would never ask that of you.”

“I know,” he reassured you with a pained smile. “But… Well, I also haven’t broached the subject with any of them yet. Maybe they’re restless too. Maybe all our ideas together could find a plan that works. We’ve made it through tougher situations before.”

He sounded so hopeful, more than he’d let himself be before you’d assaulted him with your affection. It was reassuring for you to hear.

“I thought most of your plans failed,” you couldn’t help but tease, though. “And the only way you ended up making it through anyway was with luck.”

“And teamwork,” he winked, leaning in to kiss you again. It was a slow kiss this time, symbolizing his newfound optimism for the future. He would kiss you again. This would not be the last.

“Do you really think you’ll find a way?” you whispered as his lips hovered over yours. “That all of us will be okay?”

He hummed in affirmation. “Of course. Love always finds a way.”

* * *

The reason the Batch had stayed as long as they had was to be present for the hospital re-opening. Your town leaders had insisted that ceremony still happen as planned, that no amount of nasty tricks from pirates would keep the community from moving forward. The Batch had completed their search for any further threats only that next day, but they hadn’t reported it to their superiors. They would stay the extra time for the hospital ceremony and that was it.

The event went by without a hitch, and you were glad to see your people had something joyous to celebrate after such an unexpected disaster. Of course, there were several people notably missing from the crowd, and another memoriam was held in their honor alongside the other celebrations. You knew another event would come soon enough, once the Cantina was also rebuilt and reopened. Maybe there was a blessing hidden somewhere within the tragedy; a way to keep your people fighting even once their clone protectors left.

Once the sun hit the opposite horizon, the Batch made their way back to their ship. You went through the gambit of good-byes once again, this time getting in proper hugs and tearful thank-yous with each of them. You reminded Echo that your home would always be welcome. You tried to give Wrecker as crushing of a hug as he gave you. You listened through Tech’s last minute reminders about how the hospital security system worked, so it could eventually be replicated in the Cantina.

You looked over at Crosshair and jerked your head toward Hunter. “Keep an eye on him for me.”

Crosshair merely gave you a little nod and then shoved a toothpick in his mouth before following the others up the ramp to the ship. It was unclear how much of them knew what had built between you and Hunter this morning, but they’d know soon enough.

One more mission. That had been the final promise from Hunter to you. One more mission with his brothers, one last rodeo, and then he’d come for you. They’d have a plan and you’d be ready whenever they were. It was the only promise that could be made, but it was enough.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Sergeant,” you grinned as Hunter reached the ramp himself. There’d be no more kisses and hugs, nothing to draw out the moment longer than you had this morning.

He smiled after you, such a sweet and warm sight on his dark features. “Wouldn’t dream of it, love.”

The ramp closed behind him and the ship took off and your people waved after them, and within seconds the Batch disappeared through the atmosphere.

Maybe you’d cry later. Maybe your nightmares would return. But there was still a lightness in your heart that made you believe it would be okay. Difficult, but doable.

You would wait.

You would be okay.

~

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Jake kiszka x reader

warnings: alcohol; some dirty talks (no explicit scene); a little bit angst

A/N: hey guys i had this idea and i managed to write really fast so i thought i’d post since it’s been a few days since the last one!! I hope y'all like it!! <3 (and only if anyone is in doubt, yes I will post maneskin fics!! sorry for the delay! I’ll post soon)

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Taglist:@anditsmywholeheart@babydxll@guitarfingers@lost-individual-voice@amarah11145​

“Wake up, who cares about little boys that talk too much […] Let me be the one to hold you.”

“Oh my God! Do you want to kill me, Jake?” I am startled when I open the bathroom door and my flatmate appears in front of me.

“Were you planning on living in the bathroom?” he asks leaning one arm on the door.

“And you were counting how many minutes I was in the bathroom?"I cross my arms.

"It’s hard not to when you’ve been waiting more than ten minutes for someone to come out of the bathroom so you can pee.” He smiles falsely at me and nudges my waist lightly. “Now get out.”

I roll my eyes and sigh as I walk down the stairs that lead to the second floor of the house of some friend of Jake’s, who I didn’t make a point of asking his name.

The party around me seems more crowded than when I went upstairs to go to the bathroom, it gives me the feeling of suffocation, or maybe it’s because I can’t look away from the couple on the other side of the room, I can see her fingers running through his long hair as he whispers something in her ear.

“Why do you look like you’re about to commit murder?” I bring my hand up to my chest and stifle a scream of surprise.

“Damn, you’ve got to be kidding me, Jake!” I turn around in time to see Jake hold back a laugh.

“I brought beer!” He holds out a bottle in my direction.

I smile weakly at it. “No, thanks.” I can’t control my gaze and he turns back to the other side of the room, where Ethan’s lips are no longer on the blonde girl’s ear.

They are on her mouth.

“Actually, I want.” I turn quickly to Jake and take the bottle from his hand.

He looks at me confused but then lets out an anasalated laugh while drinking his own beer.

I try not to look across the room and try to distract myself with something else.

“Why do you still like him?” I raise my head to Jake, confused, and he discreetly points to Ethan.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I giggle and try to sound as sincere as possible.

Jake smiles weakly and looks at you. “When we were sophomores, you cried because he didn’t call you to prom.”

“Do you remember that?” My surprise makes me give up lying to him.

Jake shakes his head. “And two weeks ago you were freaking out because he followed you on instagram.”

“I did not freak out!” I push him lightly with my shoulder.

Jake laughs and runs his hand through his hair. “But that’s okay, I don’t think he can be any worse than Brian.”

When you hear the name of your first college boyfriend, for the first time in the night you push Ethan out of your thoughts. “Do you remember Brian? We only dated for two weeks!” I look at Jake in disbelief.

“Yeah, and you smeared two of my shirts with mascara from crying so much.”

I look away from him, embarrassed about my own love life.

“They’re coming here.”

I look at Jake in confusion, for just a second, as I quickly notice Ethan and the girl coming toward the staircase, which Jake and I are leaning against. The stairway that leads to dozens of rooms.

I don’t know if it’s the four beers I’ve had in the night that make me do this, or the thought of having yet another frustrating relationship, or maybe it’s the fucking smell of weed. I’m starting to think it’s possible to get high on smell alone.

“Kiss me.” I turn to Jake, raising my gaze.

He looks very surprised at the time and I see him swallow dryly as he looks at me. “What?”

“Just go, they’re coming.” I take a step towards him and Jake finally seems to understand why I am asking this.

I can hear a low “oh shit” against my lips before Jake runs his fingers through my hair and his other hand lightly holds my waist, he is still holding the beer bottle and the icy touch sends shivers through my body.

I hear footsteps behind me and that should be enough to stop me from running my fingers through Jake’s torso and moving closer to him, but it’s not.

It is Jake who stops the kiss, but he doesn’t pull away and his hand remains on my waist while the other goes down my arm. “I think they’re gone.” He speaks low.

“Yeah, sure.” I finally snap out of my trance and manage to pull myself away from Jake and try to ignore how much I miss his fingers on my skin. “Thank you.”

Jake gives me a sideways smile and runs his fingers over his mouth, “I’ll get you some more booze, do you want some?”

“No, thank you!” I smile at him. “For real now!” I laugh trying to improve the mood.

Jake smiles weakly and turns away heading towards the kitchen.

After a few minutes of trying to socialize with some friends, I decide to look Jake up and ask if we were going to leave together.

I think that tonight, I walked more than I have ever walked in my entire life. I went in the kitchen, up the stairs, to the bathrooms, in the front yard and all the way around twice more, but Jake was nowhere to be found and our friends were too drunk to answer my questions.

When Ethan bumps into me on one of my way down the stairs and offers me a ride, I give up looking for Jake.

                                                 *******

3 days, 1 week, 2 weeks…

Two weeks that I’ve barely seen Jake, even though we live in the same apartment.

It’s been two weeks since Jake hardly ever sleeps at home, two weeks since Ethan and I have been out every Thursday and Friday, two weeks since my routine has been to go to college, take more baths than necessary and spend more time in my room than is considered healthy, and two weeks since I can’t stop thinking about Jake.

And after we bumped into each other in the early morning hours earlier this week while arriving at the apartment at the same time, he coming home from a party and I coming home from a date with Ethan, everything got worse.

Now our good days and good nights are reduced to slight nods.

I lie in bed, frustrated, having cancel my date and thinking about what Jake does and where he goes when he leaves the house. Who he is with.

I finally hear the shower turn off and wait a few minutes to get up the courage to leave the room.

And when I do, it is at the same time that Jake comes out of the bathroom.

The sweatpants leave the bar of his underwear exposed, the towel he was using to dry his hair is thrown over his shoulder, and his long wet hair drips water all over his torso.

“I thought you’d left, sorry.” Jake breaks the silence and I look away from his body to his eyes.

I want to tell him that it’s okay, that it’s his apartment too, and I want to turn around and go back to my room, but the words come out before I can stop them.

“I think we need to talk.”

Jake sighs softly and fiddles with the towel nervously.

“I’m going to move.”

The words he says float around inside my mind and make no sense for a few seconds.

And suddenly all the guilt hits me, the guilt of asking him to kiss me, I feel guilt for all the times Jake cancelled his plans just so he could hold me in his arms when I would come back to him crying with a broken heart. I feel guilty for every prom he took me to and had to spend the whole night listening to me talk about other boys.

“If you need anything call me, I have to pack a few things.” Jake speaks low as he walks past me to go to his room.

And when he closes the door, I realize that I haven’t said anything. I haven’t done anything.

It’s as if my feet have a life of their own and in less than a second I am walking to his room. When I slam the door and lean my body against the wood, Jake looks at me in surprise.

When I look away from him, I see an open suitcase on the bed and his guitars already in their bags.

I go to the end of the bed and bend down to pick up the only guitar that is not already in its case, not knowing what I am doing I go to the wall full of posters so that I can hang the guitar back on its hook, where it should never have left.

Before I can get any closer to the wall, Jake reaches over and holds the guitar tightly, the sudden movement but causing my body to slam into his.

I try to pull the guitar back, like a tantruming child, but Jake grabs my wrist and moves closer to me.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” If we weren’t so close, I might not have even been able to hear his low voice.

“You don’t have to move, Jake.” I pull my face away just enough to look at him. “It’s all my fault. I’m sorry.” I swallow dryly trying to keep talking. “I messed up.”

Jake lets go of my wrist and I let him pick up the guitar, he hesitates but with his free hand he puts a lock of hair behind my ear.

“Do you really think it’s your fault?” He asks and his voice becomes calm and low, and my heart squeezes with the longing I feel for him.

I whisper a “yes” as he shakes his head and walks away leaving his guitar leaning against the wall, then he sits on the end of the bed and runs his fingers through his wet hair.

“You just did what I asked.” I slowly move closer to him but we still don’t touch. “You were only helping me.”

Jake lifts his head to face me seriously, his expression is almost one of anger, but his eyes make it clear that this anger is not directed at me.

“You think so?” His hands creep up to his knee and he grabs the fabric of his pants as he lets out a wry laugh. “You think me getting hard with a fucking kiss of less than 15 seconds would be helping you, Y/N?”

I feel my blood rise up my cheeks and try to look away from him, but I can’t.

Jake lowers his head and runs his fingers through his hair, but soon he is back to staring at me as he speaks. “Do you think I was helping you when I kissed you while I thought of all the things I wanted to do to you? Do you think that just because you asked me to kiss you I had to go out and fuck the first girl so I wouldn’t go begging you to come home with me and we did all the things I’ve been thinking about for years?”

The words come out of his mouth quickly, for the first time I see Jake not having control of his actions.

I take a deep breath and speak the only sentence I can formulate. “But you don’t have to leave.”

Jake sighs and lowers his face again and brings one of his hands to his face, sighing once more. “You don’t understand.” His voice comes out muffled over his hand. “If I stay here one more day without touching you, I will go crazy.”

The reaction this has on my body is almost painful, especially when I have to force my legs against each other as a form of relief. I want to scream at him saying that he can touch me. That I wish he would touch me, but I can only whisper.

“So touch me.”

no but remember when Marco Alisdair asked Celia Bowen if she remembers all her audiences and she said she only remembers the ones who look at her the way he does and then he asked her what way might that be AND THEN CELIA SAID THE ICONIC “LIKE THEY CAN’T DECIDE IF THEY ARE AFRAID OF ME OR IT THEY WANT TO KISS ME” AND MARCO HAD THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY TO ANSWER WITH “I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU”-

“Enemies to lovers this!!” “friends to lovers that!!” “no rivals to lovers is superior!!” “It goes strangers to rivals to forced friendship to fake lovers to real lovers to enemies to-” Sweetie please call your therapist back they’re worried about you

yeosanghwas:

all about you | choi san (18+)

overview: after meeting san a year ago in your drag of a calculus class, you became close friends and have found yourselves voluntarily paired up for a history presentation. when you arrive at his apartment to work on the project, things get heated once you both realize you’ve been down bad for each other since you met

***MINORS DNI***

genre: smut, fluffy smut. friends to lovers, mutual pining, college au. honestly this is all just smut with a bit of scene setting at the beginning. but it’s sweet so

word count: 14.3k

author’s note: this is my first time ever writing smut kaksjsjshs i had a lot of fun with it, i hope y’all enjoy! :) again, minors please do NOT interact with this post

content warnings below the cut!

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I just got a glimpse of heaven

joonessence:

Dizzy // knj

pairing: namjoon x fem oc

summary: Your crush on Namjoon isn’t even that big. You don’t think he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever met, your eyes never follow him across the room, and you definitely don’t pay attention to the way his thighs look when he wears those jeans.

rating: M(18+)

tags: sorta unrequited-ish not really though hehe, friends to lovers au, smut but also fluff at the end, dirty talk, namjoon uses baby and sweetheart, oral (m & f receiving), unprotected sex, kinda possessive joon makes an appearance, cum eating, choking but not really, that is probably all

wc: 6.4k

notes: my longest fic to date !! i hope you enjoy :-)

You’re not really sure what you’re doing here, your intentions are fuzzy but you know one thing for sure; Kim Namjoon makes you dizzy, makes your head spin. 

These days, you can’t go twenty minutes without thinking, ‘I wonder what Namjoon is doing’ or ‘did Namjoon eat today?’ It’s almost pathetic. Scratch that, it is pathetic. Namjoon was introduced to you at the beginning of your freshman year in university by your first on-campus friend, Hoseok, as his lifelong best friend and confidant. Namjoon made the world’s best first impression on you, he was so smart and so humble and once you heard it, you couldn’t get his laugh to stop replaying in your head. Your small infatuation, if you can call it that, for Namjoon quickly turned into a pretty sizable crush, unable to remember a time where Namjoon wasn’t always on your mind.

That’s how you find yourself here, at that small gathering that Namjoon and Hoseok were throwing in their apartment. Through Hoseok, you made many of your close friends, namely Seokjin, who was a graduate student at the same university. It was Hoseok who invited you, but Seokjin had begged you to come, claiming something about these years being your prime and whatnot. Half convinced and half desperate to see Namjoon, you came but still, you don’t know why you’re here. It’s not like you coming would make any kind of dent in Namjoon’s evening. He’s always been a popular guy on campus, constantly surrounded by people, they seem to flock to him and his blinding, dimpled smile. So when Namjoon walks up to you and Seokjin with an extra drink in his hand, you have no idea how to react. 

Keep reading

And just like that I’m whipped.

Prompt #32

Someone who is in high power, having a personal baker for their sweet tooth - but finding it more and more difficult to contain their ever growing feelings for the baker. Spending more time with them and developing more of a friendship. Baker develops feelings for the other person but is worried that if they’re not platonic that they’ll lose their trust with person A. So they try to subtly flirt with person A (whether they know it or goes over their head is up to you).

Prompt #31

Friends who have feelings for eachother sending anonymous gifts to the other - both of them have no idea the other is their secret admirer.

Prompt #26

“Your smile looks beautiful on you my dear, please promise to wear it even in the darkest of times - it may seem hard but you’re a very strong person”

“I’ll do my best [lover], with you by my side I’m sure to wear it as much as you do”

Prompt #23

“That crown suits you, love”

“Stoppp you’re just saying that because we’re married”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again [name], you’re the most beautiful/handsome man/woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And that will never change, dearest”

*5 years later*

Azriel is sitting out on the back porch of the cottage style home that him and Elain moved into right after they got married three years ago. The backyard is currently filled with kids running around and chasing each other, well all but one child that is.

Next to Az on the porch is his four year old nephew, Emerson who’s the oldest of Cassian and Nesta’s children. He’s a lot like his mom and isn’t much for people or social events. So he just watches the three families gathered at Az’s house with his uncle.

It’s the last weekend of the summer before sending the kids back to preschool and kindergarten for Emerson. Elain had decided to host a cookout as a last little get to getter before all their lives got crazy again. Not that Elain’s business hasn’t been keeping her very busy.

When Elain finally opened her shop a few years ago she already had a waiting list of orders and the business has only grown since. Last year she opened a second location in another part of Velaris and now she’s working on another location in the capital of Winter, where Vivianne moved two years ago to be with her boyfriend recently turned husband.

Due to the growth Azriel decided to step back from Rhy’s law firm and focus on new goals that he started to grow passionate about alongside Elain. Now he runs a non-profit Rhys helped him build from the ground up and at the beginning of the year they finally were able to open up the office.

The charity focuses on helping victims of abuse whether it’s with a partner, parent, or even a stranger. Az even hosted the first event for the charity in the spring where they held an auction and donated the proceeds to several women’s shelters in Velaris. In October he’ll host a Halloween party filled with rides and haunted houses and games for all ages. Then in December he’ll partner with Rhys at the Starlight ball as well.

On top of all the success Elain and Az have both accomplished in their work lives there’s also been rewards in their personal lives. A few months after they got married Elain discovered she was pregnant with their daughter, Hope. Then six months ago they welcomed their second little girl, June.

Currently Hope is running around playing with Rhys and Feyre’s oldest, Hunter. The two were born three weeks apart, Hunter being the older one and since then they’ve been inseparable. As for June she’s currently playing with the other babies by their mother’s.

Feyre is pulling a car toy out of her daughter, Rose’s mouth while Nesta is yelling at her third child who takes after her father. Marley is currently two years old and in the middle of her first prank war of many with Cassian. Oliver, Nesta and Cassian’s youngest is laughing as he watches his troublesome sister.

Azriel chuckles as he watches the failed prank Marley attempts on Cassian who likes to call himself the King of Pranks. When he catches his daughter she shrieks and runs away only to have her father race after her. Those two are going to be trouble, Az thinks as he takes a sip of the mixed drink Feyre had made for all of them.

“Mom’s going to lose her voice again,” Emerson says, watching his little sister be caught by their dad. “She just got it back too.” Nesta had always been the one to yell when she gets mad and ever since Marley learned to crawl Nesta’s been losing her voice every few weeks.

“Yeah but it’ll only get worse if Oliver takes after those two,” Az responds. He can only imagine how much Nesta will start drinking if she ends up with two meddlesome kids, especially considering Cassian is trying to convince her to have another baby within the next year.

“That’s why Marley won’t be allowed to influence my brother,” Emerson says sternly. He’s definitely like his mom, Az thinks as he watches the young boy next to him. Emerson may act like his mother but he looks just like his father. He has the say dark hair, skin tone, and grin as Cassian the only difference is the eyes, those are grey like Nesta’s.

Rhys, who’s been manning the grill calls out that the burgers and hot dogs are done. The kids rush to their seats, even Emerson who has the same love for food as Cassian. Azriel walks over to his wife and takes June from her so she can run into the house and grab the side dishes.

There’s already potatoes and corn out on the table but Elain had made a salad and chopped up some fruit before everyone came over. Az puts June in her high chair they had set in between him and Elain’s seats. Strapping her in putting a bib around her neck Az shakes out a bag of cereal for her to snack on.

His wife comes back out and adds some fruit to June’s tray as well before sitting down and grabbing her own food. Bowls and trays of food get passed around the table as they all make their plates for themselves and their children.

Once everyone is settled the conversations start. There’s talk of the kids which is everyone’s favorite topic. Then there’s talk of work and some charity events Az hopes to do throughout the next year. They also talk about the little things that have taken place throughout their lives.

“Sometimes I wish we took a page out of Amren’s book and waited to have kids,” Nesta tells her husband as the conversation switches topics once again. Amren who is Nesta’s closest friend has spent the past year travelling the world with her fiance, Varian before getting married and settling down.

“If you went the Amren route you probably would never have kids,” Rhys comments knowing his former partner. When Amren got back together with Varian she decided to leave Rhys’s firm and work at a different one in Adriata.

“That’s very true and why would you want to miss out on this cuteness?” Cassian says as he bounces Oliver on his lap, their son having scarfed down his dinner. Oliver realizing that people are looking at him, smiles and babbles as he looks up at his mother.

Nesta smiles widely at her youngest. “Yeah I guess you’re right for once,” she tells her husband as she takes Oliver from him. Hugging her son close. Elain is smiling just like everyone around the table who all know what Nesta went through to get where she is now.

“So does that mean we can have another?” Cassian says hoping he’s finally broken through to his wife.

“Ask me when he’s one,” Nesta responds, rocking Oliver who’s starting to doze off.

“Deal,” Cassian says lovingly watching his wife and son. Az knows his friend is also thinking about what he did in a past life to deserve this.

“Anyone else want more kids?” Feyre asks curiously.

“Maybe in another couple of years,” Elain says looking over at Azriel.

“Sounds good to me,” he tells his wife with a smile. Back when they had first started talking about a family Azriel had told her he didn’t care how many kids they had as long as she wanted them.

“You want another baby darling?” Rhys asks his wife using her nickname.

“I don’t know,” Feyre says honestly. Rhys nods, smiling.

“Well whatever you decide I’ll support you all the way,” Rhys reaches down into Feyre’s lap for her hand bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. Feyre smiles.

“Even if she asks you to get a vasectomy?” Cassian asks with a shudder.

“Yes because I actually listen to my wife,” Rhys combats.

“Hey I listen to Nesta!” Cassian argues.

“Rarely,” Nesta mumbles, causing Cassian to huff in annoyance mostly because he knows it’s true.

Az laughs as he watches his friends, his family and appreciating that this is his life. It’s a life he never thought he would get to hold. Then a woman with the kindest soul moved into his building and made him crave a life like this one.

Looking over at the woman that changed everything for him, his love, his wife, his Elain Az can’t hold back his smile. It’s a smile she reads easily and returns knowing that he changed her life just as much as she did his.

“I love you,” Elain whispers to her husband, all the unsaid feelings and emotions wrapped in those three words and he’s hit with it all as he grasps and squeezes her hand.

“I love you,” Azriel whispers right back with the same impact as Elain’s own whispered words.

They both hang on to each other as the banter between their family continues until it starts to grow dark and the children grow restless along with the dimming light. Saying goodbye they watch as Nesta and Cassian drive back to their home as well as Feyre and Rhys.

Elain and Azriel walked back into the house, hand in hand with Hope running ahead and June knocked out on her father’s shoulder.

Laughing Elain follows her oldest into Hope’s room while Az puts June in her crib. With the girls in bed they head to their own bed together.

“I still can’t believe I get to do this every night forever,” Az whispers into the darkness as he pulls his wife into his arms. She rests a hand on his chest and smiles at her husband.

“I can’t either,” Elain says, pressing kisses onto Az’s bare chest.

“We have to be up early,” Azriel tells her as she continues down his body.

“I don’t care,” Az chuckles before pulling his wife back up and flipping her onto her back.

“Well then I guess it’s about to be a long night,” he whispers in Elain’s ear, rocking his erection against her sensitive core. Elain moans into a searing kiss.

This is the dream, Azriel thinks as he kisses his wife and pours all the love he feels for her and all the love she’s given him into one beginning kiss.

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a new light | chapter fourteen (Elriel)

Elain woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and what could only be homemade waffles. Stretching herself out she threw herself out of bed and headed for the kitchen. The kitchen she now officially owned with Azriel.

After they had unpacked some last night once their friends and her sisters had left Az had gone down to turn in the papers he had previously signed. Technically he was supposed to sign them this morning but he hadn’t wanted to wait so he went down to their landlord after they moved all of Elain’s stuff into his place.

Heading down the hallway that leads to their now shared bedroom Elain finds Az holding a bowl of batter that he’s pouring into the griddle. Smiling at her boyfriend she leans against the wall, arms folded and relaxed. It’s hard to believe that just within a week their lives have taken a complete turn for the better.

There was a time when Elain believed she would never get to feel this happiness with her best friend let alone anyone else. Yet here she stands watching Azriel as he makes them breakfast and there’s no doubt in her mind that he’s as much hers as she is his.

“You just want to stare at me all morning?” Azriel askss, smirking at her as he closes the waffle maker and let’s it cook. “I mean I don’t blame I’m a very attractive view.”

“And a very cocky one as well it seems,” Elain responds with a smile that Az returns. Pushing off the wall she makes her way around the counter and to his side where he tucks her in under his arm.

“How was your first night in our apartment?” Azriel asks as he plays with a strand of her messy hair.

“Very restful,” Elain responds, her fingers trailing the band of his grey sweatpants.

“I see you’ve also found my side of the closet,” Az says as he tugs on the shirt Elain had pulled on in the middle of the night when she got up to use the bathroom. It’s one of her favorites he notices as well. Most of his closet is made up of dark and plain t-shirts but this is one of the few graphic shirts he owns. It’s also the one Elain had talked him into buying when they went to a music festival last summer with a few friends.

“Well it is our closet,” Elain smirks, looking up at him with her innocent little face.

“So does that mean I can wear your dresses?” Azriel asks, teasing her. Elain laughs, still smiling up at him. The look fills him with warmth and happiness, something he hasn’t felt since before his mom passed.

“If you really want to,” Elain says just before the timer dings. She moves to the other side of the island as Az takes the waffle out and sets it on a plate. He pushes the plate in front of her along with the syrup, a fork, and a glass of fruit punch because it’s the only type of juice she will drink.

With a smile Elain starts cutting up her waffle as Azriel pours more batter to make his own. Once it’s done he sits next to his girlfriend and they enjoy a peaceful breakfast together. Elain cleans up breakfast once the waffles are consumed and Az goes to get dressed.

They’re planning on having dinner with some friends tonight but until then they have the day to themselves. Azriel pulls up the website for the local drive-in theater to see what they might be showing this afternoon.

Turns out today is a flashback theater today where there’s a showing of Gone with the Wind, which Elain hates. Then there’s The Wizard of Oz which is a favorite of his, and lastly Dirty Dancing.

“Feel like going to the drive-in theater for a showing of The Wizard of Oz?” Azriel asks, taking a seat on a barstool and watching his girlfriend in the kitchen. He can’t get enough of calling her that even if it’s only in his head.

“That sounds like fun,” Elain says as she hangs the towel she used to dry her hands once again. “You grab snacks and drinks while I go get dressed.”

“Deal,” Azriel says. With a bright smile on her face Elain runs off into their bedroom while Az grabs a couple of bags for snacks and drinks. Starting with the cooler bag he grabs some water and a few of the lemonade flavored sparkling waters that he knows Elain loves. He also adds some fruit from the fridge and an energy drink or two for himself.

Zipping that bag up Azriel heads for the small pantry in the corner of the kitchen. He tends to keep the pantry fairly stocked with a variety of snacks considering how Cassian is always radding his food supply. There’s a few snack sized caramel corn popcorn bags which Az grabs because how could they go to a movie without popcorn.

There’s also sour gummy worms that he adds to the bag. It’s a big bag but Azriel always finds himself craving the candy in the middle of the night. Lastly, he adds a couple big bags of unopened chips from a party he had gone to a couple weeks ago.

“Got everything?” Elain asks, walking out of the bedroom in one of her many sundresses. This one is yellow and white in a plaid pattern, which is her second favorite right after floral. She’s pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she walks back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, ready?” Azriel asks, shouldering both the bags onto his shoulders. Elain smiles with a nod before heading to the small entrance hall where a pair of brown sandals wait for her to slip on her feet. Elain then grabs her purse off the hook Az had installed on the back of the front door.

Opening the door they head out and down to the parking garage where they decide to take Azriel’s truck, having more room for them to lay out the blankets and pillows they had grabbed from Elain’s car beforehand.

It’s quiet for a bit as Azriel drives. The theater is on the outskirts of the city in the more rural area of Velaris. It’s a place he knows Elain is very familiar with as she gets antsy when she’s in the city too long.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Elain says, breaking the silence. Az turns down the music he had put on so he can hear her better. “Since I know longer have to pay full rent and with the bonus I’m expecting soon it might be time to start my business.”

“Really?” Az asked, a little surprised. Elain had been saying that she wanted to wait another year before looking into renting out a space in downtown Velaris for her floral arrangements shop. “You don’t want to wait any longer?”

“Some events have taken place recently in my life that are causing me to rethink things,” Elain says, smiling over at him. He knows she’s talking about their recent relationship status. “I don’t want to wait any longer and I plan on starting small.”

“What do you mean?” Azriel asked. He’s smiling, feeling the joy and happiness along with her at finally being able to kickstart her dream.

“I’ll start as an assistant with a local floral shop in order to learn everything else I don’t already know,” Elain says. “The owner wants to help me so she’ll help create my website and even let me start independent orders as I learn.”

“That sounds amazing,” Azriel says, taking the exit ramp that’ll lead to the drive-in theater. “What about after that?”

“Well I’m thinking I’ll do this through the winter and look for my own space to rent and hopefully by spring I’ll be set up in said space and ready for the summer season,” Elain explains.

“Also known as wedding season,” Elain smiles at him, loving that he knows that little tidbit.

“It’ll be the perfect time to start,” she says.

“Well I can’t wait to watch you succeed.” They’re both smiling as Azriel pulls into the drive-in and pays for the movie. Pulling into the lot where the movie is set up he finds a space right in the center of the lot.

Elain sets up the bed of his truck with the pillows and blankets while he unpacks the snacks and drinks. Settling down together Az kisses the top of her head as he tucks her into his side.

The movie starts and Elain’s focus is on the black and white opening scene while Az watches her intently. A part of him still doesn’t believe that she is his and yet here they are finally in each other’s arms. And all he can think is that he can’t wait for more moments like this throughout the rest of his life.

Tag list:

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Geralt, introvert and hopeless with social interaction, asks his best friend, Jaskier, how to woo his crush, Yennefer. Jaskier agrees to be his wingman. But over time, Geralt starts falling in love with his wingman.

And one day it clicks and Geralt’s like, “oh shit. I fucked myself over.”

Jaskier is oblivious.

RISE OF A SUN/FALL A STAR | make them gold

CHAPTER UPDATE:56 || SUNFLOWER GIRL + PLANT BOY, REPRISE

… “in which aurelia black finally admits her feelings to neville longbottom…”…

READ HERE ON AO3||WATTPAD||FFN

(message me if you want to be added! ) tag list: @ocfairygodmother@fyeahharrypotterocs@lost-in-the-shelves@giveourfuckingflamingosback@ocappreciationtag

FitzSimmons, rated T, 15600 words (for now)

Summary: Fitz and Jemma go undercover as a couple and discover it isn’t as difficult as they’d thought it would be. But what happens when those feelings become a little too real?
Season 1 au

This is my last chapter for this fic, hope you enjoy it and I’m sure you’ll enjoy the last one from @libbyweasley next week <3

“Hey girl!”

Jemma looked up from her tablet and smiled. “Good morning agent Triplett.” She didn’t feel like smiling a lot these days but it was hard not to smile at someone with such a genuine, sunny personality.

“Just Trip. I’m not even sure we’re agents anymore. Or that it’s safe calling ourselves that. What are you doing?”

“Ironing out the last details of our mission.”

“Oh right, the undercover mission,” he said with a strange knowing smile on his face that made her frown. They had all agreed that going after the 0-8-4 they had been told to retrieve before everything should be their priority, that they had to get there before Hydra got their hands on it, and that it made sense to go undercover. It wasn’t like he was in on some big secret.

“I can help with that if you want. We worked pretty well together the last time, right?”

Continue reading on AO3

“I got this for you. It’s that chocolate you like, nut-free, of course. I was just in the market and saw they—what? Shut up. I wasn’t thinking about you in particular. It’s just, I know it can be hard to find things when… I was being considerate. A good friend. You were the one who said we’re friends, so don’t…

“What now? No, say it. You always have that look on your face. That look, yes, as though you’re about to… eat me whole, or something. What? We’re friends, no? What—oh— 

“Wait, wait, let me. Yes. Fuck. Yes.”

For@domaystic‘s day 15. Find all of Robin’s Domaystic Drabbles here!

rockingrobin69:

Being flatmates with Malfoy was nothing like Harry expected. They were friends already, so the soft conversations over tea at three in the morning were no surprise, and neither was the grumbling over coffee not enough hours later. The quips, and Malfoy’s smell on every jumper he owned, the excessive eye-rolls and funny little squeals of excitement, all of that was familiar enough. Things he could handle. It was when he went to the kitchen one morning to find the cupboards chock-full of the biscuits he liked, that he raised an eyebrow. (“What? They were on sale” his arse.)

There was more. When he came back from Ron’s stag do to discover his bedsheets changed and his room tidied (“Merlin’s sake, I just had some free time” is apparently an explanation?). The following week, when Harry had been complaining, and suddenly the busiest black barber in town just happened to have a free appointment. (“I suppose you do get lucky after all” – yeah, not really.)

It didn’t end there. Harry’s bed was always made (“It’s called magic, look it up”) and his shirts were always ironed (“Can’t have you looking like that in front of Mother”) and his glasses always cleaned (“Just say ta and shut up, Potter”). Harry had no idea what it all meant. If it was some sort of delayed guilt reaction, or Malfoy’s way of self-fulfillment, or worse, self-punishment. Or if it was nothing at all, meant nothing. The most devastating part was how deeply ingrained Malfoy had already made himself in Harry’s life—how much he already needed him, wanted him, cared for him. Was driven absolutely mental by him—

It took a random encounter and two hours online before Harry understood the term ‘love language’. By that evening he’d cleaned up the flat, washed and hung all of Malfoy’s clothes, and restocked the fridge full of his fancy oat drink.

Then messed up the perfectly-starched bedsheets in Malfoy’s room by lying in them, bare to his boxers with his heart rampant in his throat—but when Malfoy got back from work, he didn’t seem to care. He kissed him just as fervently as he’d washed the dishes the day before: deeply, full of intent.

Being flatmates with Malfoy wasn’t quite what Harry expected; this went so wildly beyond what he could ever have hoped for. Love language, then. He couldn’t wait to become fluent.  

Being flatmates with Malfoy was nothing like Harry expected. They were friends already, so the soft conversations over tea at three in the morning were no surprise, and neither was the grumbling over coffee not enough hours later. The quips, and Malfoy’s smell on every jumper he owned, the excessive eye-rolls and funny little squeals of excitement, all of that was familiar enough. Things he could handle. It was when he went to the kitchen one morning to find the cupboards chock-full of the biscuits he liked, that he raised an eyebrow. (“What? They were on sale” his arse.)

There was more. When he came back from Ron’s stag do to discover his bedsheets changed and his room tidied (“Merlin’s sake, I just had some free time” is apparently an explanation?). The following week, when Harry had been complaining, and suddenly the busiest black barber in town just happened to have a free appointment. (“I suppose you do get lucky after all” – yeah, not really.)

It didn’t end there. Harry’s bed was always made (“It’s called magic, look it up”) and his shirts were always ironed (“Can’t have you looking like that in front of Mother”) and his glasses always cleaned (“Just say ta and shut up, Potter”). Harry had no idea what it all meant. If it was some sort of delayed guilt reaction, or Malfoy’s way of self-fulfillment, or worse, self-punishment. Or if it was nothing at all, meant nothing. The most devastating part was how deeply ingrained Malfoy had already made himself in Harry’s life—how much he already needed him, wanted him, cared for him. Was driven absolutely mental by him—

It took a random encounter and two hours online before Harry understood the term ‘love language’. By that evening he’d cleaned up the flat, washed and hung all of Malfoy’s clothes, and restocked the fridge full of his fancy oat drink.

Then messed up the perfectly-starched bedsheets in Malfoy’s room by lying in them, bare to his boxers with his heart rampant in his throat—but when Malfoy got back from work, he didn’t seem to care. He kissed him just as fervently as he’d washed the dishes the day before: deeply, full of intent.

Being flatmates with Malfoy wasn’t quite what Harry expected; this went so wildly beyond what he could ever have hoped for. Love language, then. He couldn’t wait to become fluent.  

Imagine your characters grew up together as childhood friends. (Maybe they’re still friends or maybe they’re lovers now, you can decide!)

• Person A asks Person B if they still have the stuffed toy that they carried around with them everywhere as a kid. Person B (lying) says that it got lost at some point over the years. A few years later, Person A is going through a rough time so Person B gives them their old stuffed toy, saying that it brought them a lot of joy and comfort as a child and that they hope it can do the same for Person A.
• Person A is about to move out of the house they grew up in. Before they leave, they call and invite Person B over so they can dig up the time capsule that they had buried in the backyard together when they were kids.
  
• When Person A and Person B were kids, Person A broke their arm and had to wear a cast for a while. To make them feel better, Person B decorated it by drawing a bunch of doodles and quotes all over it. When Person A finally got the cast off, they asked the doctor if they could keep it. Years later, Person A takes the cast to a tattoo artist and gets all of Person B’s doodles and quotes tattooed onto their arm so they can wear them forever.
• Person A was terrified of heights as a child and Person B helped them work up the courage to jump off the diving board at the pool. As adults, they go on vacation to the beach together. Person A is excited to see that their resort has a place where you can cliff jump into the ocean but now it is Person B who is scared. Person A remembers the time Person B helped them face their fear as a kid, so in return they help Person B overcome their fear.
• When they were little, Person A promised Person B that they would go to prom together when they finally made it to high school. They both grew apart as they got older and found new friend groups. They hadn’t even talked to each other in years until one day when they’re in high school and prom season is just around the corner and Person A shows up at Person B’s front door with 2 tickets to prom.
  

he’s in your dms, but he’s buying books for me, we’re not the same.