Shadowhunters Ace ABC

Hi, everyone.

It’s only one month until June, so I thought it would be nice to have a small event to celebrate the ace community in the Shadowhunters fandom.

I want to create an ace alphabet with you. For that, you’d get one or several letter(s) from me with a prompt word that you can leave or take. You can write/paint whatever you want in the Shadowhunters/Shadowhunter Chronicals Universe, with no minimum word count or anything, as long as the ace character is recognisable as such and the prompt of your choosing keeps to the letter I’ll give you.

Rules:

*Only works in written or painted form (no moodboards, etc.)

*Must include an ace character (doesn’t need to be the focus of the work but should be noticeable)

*Must be posted on the date I’ll give you (between June 1-26)

*Only G to M rated

*No incest

*No RPF

*No archive warnings

*Must be posted on ao3 (there’ll be a collection)

*Author/Artist must be member of the Shadowhunters Ace Mini Bang discord server

Interested?

Please sign up here until May 31:

https://forms.gle/prhXFCk5cVuT6NhRA

Cuddle pile

Based on this prompt

Magnus leans back in the rattan chair and chooses ‘truth’.

“Are you a top or a bottom?” Jace asks.

Alec hits his parabatai over the head with one of the firm pillows from the sofa. They started to play stupid party games after realising that the born and raised shadowhunters never had heard of them. Alec is already regretting agreeing to it.

“Ouch!” Jace hisses, rubbing the painful spot. “It’s just a question.”

“He needs to answer,” Izzy points out, sounding as if she were a judge proclaiming a sentence, and takes a sip from her wine glass.

“I have no problem answering that,” Magnus says. Alec grabs his arm, eyes full of concern, but his boyfriend pats his hand. “It’s okay, Alexander. I’m not ashamed of who I am.” He leans closer to Jace and says, “It depends on the cuddle pile. I don’t want too many people on top of me. But if it’s six or less, I’m fine being at the bottom.”

Jace blinks at him while Clary falls giggling against her boyfriend’s shoulder.

“That’s not what I meant,” Jace grumbles.

“Wait,” Simon calls. “You’re fine with six people on top of you? I know you’re immortal, but as a warlock you still need to breathe, right?”

“Of course. But I actually like it sometimes—the pressure, the surrender, the feeling of being one with everyone around. Back in the 1960s, we did it all the time. We cuddled a lot. I think at some point I had The Stones and The Beatles all over me, if you know what I mean,” Magnus says and winks at Simon.

“You married the best and worst liar of all time, bro,” Jace chuckles.

“I’m not lying, Jonathan. I’m embellishing the truth,” Magnus says and snaps his fingers. Two photographs appear in his hand, one showing Paul McCartney kissing Magnus’ cheek, the other Janis Joplin sleeping wrapped over his chest.

“Damn!” Simon breathes.

“Did you sleep with them?” Clary blurts out.

“A gentleman never tells, biscuit,” Magnus replies and cuddles against his husband.

“Smooth,” Alec whispers into his ear.

“I always am, my love.”

“I still don’t believe it. No one can enjoy lying buried under a pile of people,” Jace says, mirth sparkling in his eyes.

“Is that a challenge, Mr Herondale?”

“It sure is, Mr Lightwood-Bane.”

Magnus snaps his fingers, and the coffee table is replaced with a pile of pillows.

Magnus swirls around elegantly and lands in it with a giggle.

“Challenge accepted,” he chuckles.

Alec rolls his eyes but joins him. Izzy, Clary, and Simon follow soon after, building a giggling and snickering pile of bodies.

“Come, Jonathan. I can take it.”

“Why can’t you say anything without sounding naughty?” Jace asks.

“It’s a natural talent,” Magnus quips.

“C'mere,” Alec orders. “We all know you want to.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

“You started it,” Magnus points out.

Jace shakes his head and carefully lowers himself onto Simon’s back.

“Told you I’m a bottom.”

Track 10 - I’m here trying not bite your neck, but it’s beautiful and I’m going to get so drunk on you and kill your friends

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence - blood drinking - bodily harm)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Things are tense when Alec turns up in London, looking for an update and Simon spends the whole time expecting to get punched. When Alec insists on tagging along on a hunt it predictably ends up in a screaming match on top of an abandoned building. Then everything goes from bad to worse and Simon is confronted by the monster lurking within.

<- previous

next ->

first

Simon hated giving presentations.

Ever since school they had left him a fumbling mess, stumbling over his words and dropping his notes as a sea of bored and judging eyes stared back at him. Sure he was fine to get up on a stage and sing his heart out but that was different. Simon loved music and he loved to perform, addicted to the crowd’s reactions. It was a rush, an experience like no other and every time he got up on a stage all the nerves and anxiety just melted away, leaving him feeling invincible for those few precious moments. This was nothing like that.

Five sets of steely eyes stared back at him, no other sound in the room apart from Simon’s own voice as he talked through the progress he had made with the clans over the last couple of weeks and the things they were still having issues with. Dorian was sat closest to him, a small smile on his lips that just seemed to be the mans natural resting state. Opposite him on the other side of the table sat Dayton, looking as tired as always yet his eyes sharp and focused as he listened to Simon. They both had clave representatives next to them, a women and a man who looked like they would rather be anywhere else then here listening to a vampire explain why three of the five London clans wanted nothing to do with their alliance. They didn’t seem to like the fact that the vampires thought of them as ruthless and heartless killing machines that only thought of themselves like that wasn’t exactly what they had been just a few years ago. Simon could get over all that though, standing up straight at the end of the table and speaking calmly and clearly as he relayed the facts and keeping his opinions of the clave to himself.

Over the past three weeks he had gotten a lot better at this sort of thing, having had to deal with one to many angry out bursts from vampires at least four times his age. Dorian had been right, they all squabbled like a bunch of kids, acting like they knew more just because of their age. There had been a lot of repetition, Simon having to spend way to long insisting that the clave had changed. He had dealt remarkable well with it though, in his own opinion, his confidence growing with every passing day. He had settled into his role here quickly and he knew that he was more than capable of getting through this meeting without messing up. No, Simon’s only real problem was sat at the head of the table, watching him with the same intensity and focus he would look at his next target when on a hunt.

This wasn’t the first time Simon had seen Alec since coming to London but the two times before had been brief, just enough time to give a quick report before the shadowhunter was needed else where. There hadn’t been time for small talk or to catch up with what had been going on in New York and Simon was more than grateful for that. It would have just been awkward anyway, their rather tentative friendship not really lending itself to that kind of friendly chit chat. He got enough of that sort of thing from Izzy and Maia anyway, the two of them seeming to make it their own personal mission to make sure he didn’t miss anything whilst he was away, even if it was something as stupid as Izzy getting a new nail polish or Maia getting a new kind of beer in at the bar.

Awkward small talk with Alec wasn’t what was worrying Simon right now though. When Alec had gotten here, before the meeting had even started he had cornered Simon, face it’s usual stoic mask and had told him in no uncertain terms that they needed to talk. Those four simple words had filled Simon with a dread so strong that he had seriously thought about bolting. It had taken a rather intense pep talk to calm himself down enough to get his act together and start acting like he had some sort of handle on his chaotic emotions.

Alec knew what had happened with Jace. He had to. The way he had looked so pointedly at him, a grim set to his features and Simon had just known that it had nothing to do with his current assignment and everything to do with the fact Simon had punched his parabatai in his stupidly handsome face.

Maia never mentioned the shadowhunters when they spoke, not really having had anything to do with them over the last couple of weeks, though she did like to tease him about the fact that some of his previous partners had come in looking for him, all of them very disappointed to find out he was over seas. Izzy on the other hand brought Jace up a lot. It was all done casually, the blonde just mentioned in passing but it happened enough for Simon to know she was doing it on purpose. That was his own fault though because normally he would be the one hounding her for information on Jace, desperate to know what was going on with him. How was she to know that he had done a full one eighty and wanted nothing to do with the man now.

Simon had gotten pretty good at directing the conversation away from Jace, forcing the sting of hurt down that accompanied every mention of the man. He could have asked her to stop but that would then involve explaining what had happened and though Simon wasn’t Jace’s biggest fan right now he didn’t want to effect his relationship with his sister and nor did he want to deal with her pity either. Simon didn’t want those sad looks and soft words designed to comfort him. No what he wanted was to move on with his life and put the last few months behind him but apparently that was too much to ask for because here was Alec about to try and prise open the slowly healing wounds because he had apparently decided three weeks was long enough for Simon to get comfortable and think he would be able to avoid what had happened the last night he had been in New York.

Simon finished off his report, nodding and offering a tight smile when Alec thanked him, quickly sinking down into his chair and forever grateful that everyone’s attention turned towards the other man. He tried to listen to what Alec had to say, he did but with every second that ticked by Simon’s anxiety grew and he had to stop breathing to make sure he didn’t start hyperventilating.

Simon was well aware that he was over reacting. He wasn’t at fault here. He had been well within his right to hit Jace after the stunt he had pulled. Despite his feelings for the other man Simon had only wanted to be friends with Jace and he had tried to be a good friend to him when he had needed one most and all he had gotten in return was judgment, hostility and worse self esteem issues than he already had. And yet he was terrified of what Alec was going to say, of his unjustified anger and cold judgment that was undoubtedly waiting for Simon once they were alone. This was about Jace after all, Alec fiercely protective of his family and those he loved and Simon was most definitely at the bottom of the list when it came to who Alec cared about.

Simon jolted as he was kicked in the shin, his head snapping up from where he had been staring at the desk to find Dorian frowning at him. His eyes dropped down slightly before darting back up and raising an eyebrow in silent question. It was then that Simon realised he was rubbing at that stupid spot on his neck again, not having even noticed that he had abandoned his pen and raised his hand up to dig his fingers into the same spot Jace had sunk his teeth into all those weeks ago.

About a week into his time here Simon had caved and asked Dorian to stop him if he saw him prodding and poking at the long faded bite mark. After a quick and slightly vague explanation that didn’t really give away what exactly had caused the nervous habit Dorian had agreed to help out. He had taken his promise very seriously even going as far to lean across Elizabeth’s desk at one point and slap his hand away from his neck. She had been stunned at first, ready to kick Dorian out and never let him back but before Simon could defend Dorian’s actions the man in question had just shrugged and done it himself. After that she to had started to discourage him as well but she was a lot more gentle than Dorian, normally only having to say his name and look at him with disapproval and instantly he was dropping his hand and mumbling a quick thanks. Harper on the other hand liked to shock him, sending a bolt of electricity through his fingers and pointing at him, a firm “no,” passing her blue lips as Simon cursed and glared at her.

Simon lowered his hand, picking his pen back up and giving Dorian a small smile, the shadowhunter nodding his head slightly before turning his attention back to the meeting. Simon did the same only to find Alec frowning at them, his dark eyes moving between him and Dorian even as he continued to address the table as a whole. Simon quickly darted his gaze away, focusing on the note pad in front of him. He could still feel his eyes on him though and every time he lifted his gaze Alec was looking at him, brows furrowed like he was trying to puzzle something out. Simon didn’t know what but whatever it was he wished he would just figure it out and stop already because he was making Simon feel more nervous than he already was, his skin itching under the other mans persistent gaze.

Thankfully the meeting came to an end shortly after that, all the shadowhunters huddling up the other end of the table and talking amongst themselves, leaving Simon to silently pack away all his papers whilst trying to work out how to get passed them and out the door without Alec catching him. He felt like a kid trying to sneak out past his dad, knowing that if he was caught he would end up with a lecture and being grounded. It was a feeling Simon wasn’t used to, not even having been this nervous with his mum when he snuck out to go hang out with Clary, taking the steps one at a time to avoid them creaking and waking her up.

“Simon.” He tensed at his name, his hands stilling as he went to pick up his last folder. Damn it, he had been so caught up in his own head he hadn’t even heard anyone approaching him, ever hopeful that he would have more time to prepare. Sighing he let his shoulders slump, resigned to his fate. Simon put the file away, deliberately not speaking until after he had slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to face Alec. “Hey man,” he smiled awkwardly up at the other man, Alec his usual stony self and glaring down at Simon like he would rather be anywhere else. For once Simon could get behind that thought, desperate to escape this before his day could got any worse. “You did well. Your report was very thorough.” Simon stared silently up at him for a few awkwardly long seconds, surprised by the other mans words. That had not been what he was expecting, not in the slightest but considering Alec had been nothing but happy with his work so far maybe he should have been expecting something like that. At least to start with anyway.

Simon laughed nervously, eyes darting of to the side as he ducked his head slightly to rub at the back of his neck. “Thanks.” This was all so weird, Simon waiting for the other shoe to drop because Alec had said they need to talk and surely this hadn’t been what he meant. “You seem to have settled in well here. Dayton only had good things to say about you and I’ve yet to receive any complaints from the vampire clans,” Alec said stiffly, his gaze fixed firmly at some point over Simon’s shoulder. Simon hummed in reply, nodding his head slights as he readjusted the strap of this bag. He should probably feel offended that Alec had been expecting Simon to mess up at some point but honestly he was kind of amazed he hadn’t either but his performance here was the least of his worries right now and the longer they went on the more nervous he could feel himself getting.

It was awkward. To awkward with Simon wanting to be anywhere else and Alec seemingly intending to drag this out for as long as he could. Was it his idea of punishment, letting Simon squirm and overthink it like he always did? If he was going to threaten him or hit him or whatever the hell he was planning on doing Simon desperately wanted him to get it over and done with so he could go spend the rest of the night trying to forget how pathetic his life was right now.

“You wanted to talk to me about something?” he snapped, his nerves finally getting the better of him. Simon wanted this over and done with already and he was ever hopeful that Alec would actually say something that wasn’t pointless small talk. Shock flickered through Alec’s dark eyes at Simon’s outburst but it was gone quick enough, his features smoothing back out into his usual passive boredness. “Yes, I did.” Simon looked at him expectantly, his grip on his bag handle tightening with every second Alec remained silent until he could feel his nails starting to dig into his palms. Alec’s brows were drawn down, looking like he was trying to figure out what to say, his gaze firmly fixed beyond Simon and looking as awkward as Simon felt. At least he wasn’t the only one struggling with their current situation though as this was all Alec’s doing Simon really didn’t think he had the right to be so uncomfortable with the whole thing.

“Izzy misses you,” he finally blurted out, eyes darting down to actually look at Simon and sounding almost confused by his own words. “Right,” Simon drawled, frowning at the shadowhunter before him. That really didn’t seem to be what he had been meaning to say. “I miss her to.” He did miss her and her gentle teasing and talking about boys and following her around as she went shoe shopping and just generally hanging out with her because even before coming to London they didn’t do it as much as he would have liked what with her being busy running the institute and him spending a large chunk of his time with Jace or at band practice. When he got home he would make sure he made more of an effort. Maybe take her to one of those fancy restaurants out in Manhattan and treat her like the goddess she was, the angles know she deserves it.

Across from him Alec pulled in a deep breath, stand into up straighter and seeming to steal himself for what was to come. “Jace misses you as well.”

It was like how he imagined getting staked would feel like, those few simple words driving into his heart and forcing open all those wounds that had slowly been knitting back together. “Don’t,” he growled out lowly, his gaze hardening as he glared up at Alec. His whole body tensed, Simon’s grip on his bag tightening and his nails definitely slicing open his palm this time. Simon could smell the fresh blood bubbling up to the surface, could feel his palms getting slick with it but he didn’t care. How could he say something like that?

Alec’s frown deepened, his head cocking to the side slightly and looking at Simon like he couldn’t understand why Simon was so angry. He should walk away, should tell Alec where to shove it but he’s rooted to the spot, that burning hot anger that he had thought had passed bursting to life again in his chest and swirling together with his pain. “Simon I,” Alec starts but Simon cuts him off, unwilling to let him continue and break his heart into even smaller prices. “Don’t lie to me,” he bit out, only just managing to keep himself from outright yelling at Alec.

He’s trying to keep a hold on his anger, knowing full well that they aren’t alone in the room and if he lashes out at Alec now all the hard work that had been put into building the alliance would all be for nothing, the clave members only seeing a vampire attacking a shadowhunter for seemingly no reason. Simon doesn’t want that, despite how much he wants to shove and push the other man away from him. To yell and scream until his voice was horse and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind how Simon was feeling. Jace maybe felt guilty, might regret his actions but Simon suffered no delusions about the other man missing him. He would have had to care in the first place for that to be true.

Alec’s eyes had gone wide, leaning back slightly at Simon’s angry outburst. He looked shocked and that just pissed Simon off even more, like he thought Simon would just stand there and let Alec lie to to him, to make up some useless bullshit to help ease Jace’s conscious about what he had done. Simon didn’t want to here it from Jace, that’s why he hadn’t unblocked him yet and he sure as hell didn’t want to here it from Alec who was acting like some kind of messenger boy because Jace couldn’t be bothered to actually face Simon and take responsibility for his actions.

He looked at Simon in a strange mix of anger and pity and that just made things so much worse. He didn’t want anyone’s pity and especially not that of someone who barely liked him in the first place. Simon had been doing fine up to now, had been getting on with the job Alec had given him and actually making progress with the clans so why was Alec here, now of all times, trying to break Simon down and ruin his carefully crafted walls that were keeping him together?

Simon felt the presence behind him, heard the familiar beat of a slow and steady heart, that distinct smell of leather and books invading his senses. He knew someone was there and that was the only reason Simon didn’t tense as an arm was slung over his shoulder. Despite everything Simon’s feeling in that moment he feels himself relax slightly, safe in the knowledge that Alec wouldn’t start anything in front of someone else.

“Hey fangs, nice going there mate. Think you really won the stiffs over with all those facts and figures. Sure know it did it for me when you started banging on about all those statistics,” Dorian smirked down at Simon, wagging his eyebrows at his ridiculous comment and even though he could feel Alec glaring at him Simon couldn’t help but smile slightly, letting out a small huff of amusement at the other man’s ridiculousness.

Dorian was a giant goofball, something that Simon had been surprised by to start with but had come to appreciate over the last couple of weeks, especially when he had been at his most stressed and on the verge of pulling his hair out. Simon had gotten used to the casual touching as well, no longer flinching every time Dorian slung his arm over his shoulder or got in close behind him to look at what Simon was doing. If Dorian decided he liked you that was it, kiss goodbye to any sort of personal space when he was around because the man was more tactical than Simon had ever expected any shadowhunter to be and honestly he was kind of glad to have someone who didn’t flinch every time they touched his cold skin.

Simon snorted, rolling his eyes at the other mans playful jab. “Don’t be jealous of my mad skills,” Simon teased back, Dorian’s loud bark of laughter echoing around the room. “Well you and your skills better get a wiggle on or we’ll be late. We got a wolf to hunt and Barns is just about vibrating with excitement.” Oh. In his panic about Alec and his need to talk Simon had completely forgotten he was supposed to be accompanying Dorian and a few other shadowhunters on a hunt. Crap. Well at least it might help calm his mind, giving himself something other than bloody Jace Herondale to think about. It would give him an excuse to get away from Alec as well and hopefully by the time Simon got back to the institute he would be long gone.

“You go on hunts?” Alec asked, the surprise clear in his voice and instantly Simon’s half smile fell. Feeling like he needed to defend himself he turned to Alec, head held high in defiance and arms crossed over his chest. Alec was frowning, arms crossed in front of him and staring at Dorian’s arm that was still slung over Simon’s shoulder with distrust. Simon fought the urge to shrug the other man off, feeling like he had done something wrong by letting Dorian be so casual with him even though he knew he hadn’t. “Yeah. Can’t ask the clans to do something I’m not willing to do myself,” he retorted, staring at Alec even as he continued to eye Dorian’s arm like it was some sort of venomous snake about to strike.

Simon was used to hunts, having been out more times than he could count with Izzy and Jace in the last year. His willingness to go on them was meant to show the clans that the shadowhunters could be trusted but considering it was a well known fact that he had already been working with other shadowhunters he didn’t think it was having quite the impact he had hoped for. Simon on the other hand was just glad to have something to do to burn off some of his extra energy he had now that he wasn’t regularly falling into bed with someone every couple of days. He constantly felt restless in his own skin, his nervous energy worse than ever and in an attempt to burn some off it off he had taken to going on early morning running around Hyde park, Dorian more often than not joining him though Simon often ran rings around him, speeding off and only slowing down to yell ‘on your left’ before running off again, Dorian’s muttered curses fading quickly as Simon just laughed.

“Simon’s actually pretty handy to have around in a fight, whoever was training him at that institute of yours did a descent job of it.” Smiling Dorian turned to look at Simon, that ridiculous mischievous glint in his blue/green eyes again and apparently completely unbothered by the way Simon had gone incredibly still at the mention of who had been responsible for training him. “Though your attack could still use a little work. No worries though. Nothin’ a little hands on experience won’t fix.” He winked at him, smile getting that much bigger as Simon scowled back up at him. Alec made some sort of startled coughing noise and normally Simon would check to make sure he was okay but the mention of Jace had his mind wondering off again and he was helpless to stop it from following after the blonde.

As much as Simon didn’t want to admit it Jace had been a really good teacher and they had had fun whilst training, even on the hunts as well. Simon missed that, missed the way things had been before Jace had found out about band practice and before their friendship had gone up in flames like a multi car pileup that involved a gas tanker. He missed his friend, the man who laughed at his stupid jokes and cheated at Mario kart and liked mango smoothies and ran away from ducks in the park whilst Simon laughed so hard he felt like his ribs were going to crack from it. Simon missed their friendship more than anything and he hated himself for that because he wasn’t even sure he had even had it to start with. It was hard enough moving on as it was but now with Alec here, trying to make excuses for the other man it was just making it that much harder. Why couldn’t they all just drop it, let Simon get over his broken heart and move on instead of constantly reminding him of what he had lost?

“I’m coming with you.” Simon almost swallows his tongue at Alec’s authoritative tone, his eyes going wide as he looked up at the scowling man with mild horror. “What?” he managed to squeak out but neither of the other two seemed to be paying him any attention, Alec glaring at Dorian whilst he looked back with mild amusement. “It would be an honour to have you with us Inquisitor,” Dorian smirked, his fingers playing with the lapels of Simon’s suit jacket and Alec’s glare deepened. There seems to be a silent conversation going on between them, one that Simon has no idea was about but he gets the horrible feeling that it’s somehow about him and he really doesn’t like it.

It ends abruptly, whatever it is, Dorian stepping backwards and letting his arm fall from Simon’s shoulder. “Don’t take to long princess.” Simon scowls at the nickname, contemplating punching him in the arm but before he can Dorian is chucking his keys towards him. Simon’s hand darted out to grab them from the air, just before they can hit Alec’s chest. “It’s still weird that you lock your door,” Simon mumbled as he started towards the door, Dorian and Alec following behind him. Dorian was as relaxed as ever, that easy smile still in place but Alec seemed tense, brows furrowed in a deep frown. “Hey! You try waking up to a bed full of snakes and see if you trust the bastards you live with afterwards,” Dorian defended himself and Simon feels the smile curling at his lips and the laughter bubbling up but Alec opens his mouth and it all just shrivels up and dies.

“Someone put snakes in your bed?” Alec looks at Dorian in disbelief but all the other man dose is beam at him, his ridiculous smile so wide it looks like it should hurt. “Yeah, it was my birthday.” It’s the only explanation he gives as he yanks the door open, holding it open for Simon who slips out quickly, planning on just making a run for it to get away from this bizarre and awkward situation he has found himself in. He’s not so lucky though, Dorian grabbing at his hand and keeping him from his escape.

With a sight Simon turns to look at the other man, giving him his best annoyed and bored look that he was not ashamed to admit he had learnt from seeing the same expression on Alec’s face time and time again. “What?” he deadpanned. Dorian’s smile had fallen slightly, his eyes more green now they were in the hall and looking worriedly at Simon. “Meet you in the armoury?” Simon’s eyes darted over to Alec, the other man’s face a perfect mask of indifference, though his eyes were trained on their still laced fingers. “Sure,” he mumbled pulling his hand out of Dorian’s hold. He misses the warmth instantly but something about Alec’s scrutiny sits uneasy on his shoulders. He doesn’t wait for an answer, spinning on his heals and running at full speed down the corridor and away from whatever that had been.

He doesn’t stop until he reaches Dorian’s room, only just coming to a stop before he’s got the key in the lock. The lock had hardly clicked before he had the door open, slipping inside and closing it quickly, like if it was open to long Alec might appear and force his way in, determined to continue their ‘talk’. With a groan he leant against the door, his eyes closing as he tipped his head back.

This couldn’t be happening. It was one thing Alec wanting to talk, Simon almost prepaid to listen to whatever bullshit excuse he was going to make up to excuse Jace’s actions but it was a completely other thing to have to spend the evening with him, having nothing but time to stew in his own worry and anger as his over active imagination supplied him with every possible scenario that could be waiting for him once Alec finally got him alone again.

When Alec had said he wanted to talk Simon had been sure that he was going to get a fist to the face and a threat to stay away from Jace but he hadn’t been ready for Alec to try and smooth over the situation. Simon had been trying to avoid Jace and anything to do with him since coming here and so far he had been doing a pretty decent job of it, keeping himself busy to the point that there hadn’t really been room for the other man in his head but with Alec here Jace was once again an inescapable presence, his ghost following around the other shadowhunter and taunting Simon with his own frail and useless emotions.

Simon was angry and he had every right to be but he was also sad, heartbroken and devastated that someone he cared for so much could reduce him down to such an insignificant little blip, just another notch in Jace’s headboard. He desperately just wanted to move on, to put it all behind him and then maybe one day he would be able to think about Jace without feeling that sharp sting of heartbreak and shame. Maybe he would even be able to be in the same room as him without feeling like he needed to be anywhere else but there. Maybe, one day, but that day wasn’t today, wants even tomorrow or the day after. He needed time, space to work through it all and with Alec here insisting they talk about it when Simon clearly wasn’t ready for that wasn’t helping him move on with his life. No. It was keeping him stuck in that moment, trapped in that split second where he had had a lap full of Jace, his lips attached to his neck as he casually drove a steak through Simon’s cold dead heart.

Groaning Simon pushed away from the door and headed towards Dorian’s bed, his duffel bag sat on top of the messy sheets. Dorian’s room, just like all other rooms at the institute was on the large side, with a fire place on the opposite wall and a large window behind the bed that looked out over the city beyond. There was a dresser and wardrobe along the wall to his right, the draws open and clothes scattered around the room haphazardly along with random stacks of books, odd weapons and cups half filled with coffee. Now Simon was by no means a clean freak, he definitely left his fair share of clothes scattered around his apartment, the odd book abandoned where they definitely didn’t belong as well as sheets of music and lyrics that always turned up in random places but it was nothing compared to the absolute chaos that was Dorian’s disaster zone of a room. The man was a chaotic mess and Simon often wondered how he found anything but Dorian insisted it was organised chaos, swearing he knew where everything was.

Stepping over a stack of comics Simon finally made it to the bed and waisted no time in stripping off his suit and digging his patrol clothes out of his bag. Magnus hadn’t packed anything remotely suitable for this sort of thing and Simon had made the mistake of allowing Dorian to get him something when Simon had first suggested joining him on his hunts. Everything was some varying shade of black, Dorian insisting he needed to look the part and Simon had been too tired at the time to argue against the black combat boots, cargo trousers and black long sleeved t-shirt. It was what he was expecting to pull for his bag now but at some point in the ten minuets Dorian had been alone with his bag before the meeting he had switched out the black laces on his boots for neon rainbow ones and his once plain black t-shirt was now supporting the words ‘dead inside’ in bold rainbow print across the chest.

Simon groaned, contemplating abandoning the top and stealing one of Dorian’s, not wanting Alec to think he wasn’t taking this seriously but Simon figured that was probably not really a concern right now because Alec probably never would take him seriously any way. Plus he kind of liked the shirt, knowing full well that if Alec wasn’t there he would have worn it proudly and headed down to the armoury with a wide smile on his face. Cursing Dorian and his rubbish timing Simon pulled on his clothes, making a point to tie the stupid laces into little bows because he might as well go all in before grabbing his jacket and heading back out the door. He purposely didn’t lock it, hoping someone would fill his pigsty with spiders this time, Dorian then having to spend the next few days finding them hiding under every abandoned socks and crawling over his books.

He walked as slowly as he can towards the armoury without it looking suspicious, every step feeling like his boots were full of lead. Simon had never been that much of a fan of hunts and having to kill things, even if they were demons. He always worried about the people he was with and what if he ended up losing control and hurting someone by accident because that was always a possibility. It terrified him that he or one of the others would get hurt and he would just snap and end up with his fangs buried in the neck of someone he cared about. His control had gotten a lot better over the few short years since he had been turned but he was still young and his hunger was a constant thing that thrummed under his skin, always demanding he give into the call and feed it a torrent of blood regardless of where it came from.

Of course Simon understood why the hunts and patrols were necessary. It had to be done to protect the world and the people who lived in it, that’s why he didn’t complain about having to take part. Well mostly. He complained a lot when he got covered in blood and gore that he could still smell days after even though he had taken what felt like a hundred showers. If he could safely do so without putting anyone in danger Simon would avoid having to kill an actual person, whether that was a warlock, vampire or werewolf. He wasn’t a killer, despite what he was and each death weighed heavy on his conscious.

His reluctance was just made that much worse though by the fact Alec would be coming with them. He and Dorian were always professional and got the job done but they had fun doing it, Dorian always cracking jokes and laughing at Simon’s own equally bad ones. With Alec there though Simon felt like that wouldn’t be allowed. He knew how Alec liked to run missions and the relaxed, organised chaos that seemed to be Dorian’s style just wasn’t it. It was frustrating because Simon tended to enjoy going on hunts with Dorian, the only other person he had felt that relaxed around being Jace. He and Dorian worked well enough together and he had little doubt that it was because of how similar they were.

Simon had been surprised to find out that Dorian was a bit of a geek and they had had one to many lengthy and heated conversations about if Start Trek or Star Wars was better. It was nice, not having to explain what things were or seeing the interest dim in someone’s eyes as he rambled on about video games or comics. Dorian was always interested in what Simon had to say, offering his own opinion and being just as big a fan boy about Buffy as Simon was.

If Simon was being honest with himself, something he tried to be but rarely was, than Dorian was pretty much the perfect guy for him. They liked the same things and had a similar sense of humour and Dorian was definitely attractive, what with his easy smile and sun kissed skin that Simon imagined would feel like fire under his ice cold lips. Simon probably would have been happy with the other man but there was one glaring and unavoidable problem. Simon just wasn’t into him. He was a great guy and they had a rather amazing bromance going but that was it. They were friends and that was enough. Simon needed more friends in his life and less lovers anyway.

All too soon Simon found himself approaching the armoury and he slowed down, trying to put it off for as long as he could but that only lasted so long. Simon stopped just outside the door, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes as he tried to work up the nerve to face Alec. The now inquisitor scared the hell out of Simon on a good day but this was different and all because he had brought Jace into it. Simon was down right terrified of what Alec wanted to say to him because Simon knew his fragile and damaged heart just wouldn’t be able to take it. He felt things way to much and nothing more so than love and the heartbreak that undoubtedly followed. He didn’t want to feel that sort of pain again if he could avoid it but Alec didn’t seem to want to give him that luxury.

This was stupid. He was being stupid. He was better than hiding down half empty corridors and he was stronger than he thought he was. He wouldn’t let Alec force him to be something he wasn’t and if he didn’t want to listen to what the other man had to say then he didn’t have to. He was a vampire after all and he could be gone quicker than Alec could even finish saying Jace’s name. Feeling slightly more determined Simon pushed away from the wall and tugged at his jacket to make sure it was straight before running both his hands through his hair and purposely messing it up. Taking a deep breath he rolled his shoulders back, held his head up high and strode into the room like he owned the place.

The armoury is busy, the team of shadowhunters coming with them in the middle of getting all their gear ready but Simon pays them little attention, instead focusing on Dorian and Alec like they were the only ones in the room. They’re stood by a table, on opposite sides to one another and pointedly not looking at one another as they secure their weapons. The tensions thick, almost tangible and for once Dorian isn’t smiling, instead glaring down at his hands as he fiddles with the buckle on his thigh holster. Alec doesn’t look any better, completely focused on checking over the bow he had taken off the wall but Simon supposes that’s not to different to how he normally looks before a mission. Maybe Dorian was just tense about having the big boss around and Simon was reading too much into the situation.

Dorian’s head snapped up as soon as he noticed Simon, his eyes instantly going to Simon’s chest and a wide smile spread across his lips. “You,” Simon pointed at him as he strode across the room, “are an asshole.” Dorian’s laughter is bright and clear as it rings out across the room, his whole face lighting up with amusement. It’s in direct contrast to the scowl Alec is supporting, his brows furrowed as he stared at Simon’s outfit. He ignores it as best he can, keeping his eyes fixed on Dorian. “Oh please,” Dorian scoffed, “you love it and you know it.” Coming to a stop by the table Simon rolled his eyes at the other man, something he seemed to do a lot and chucked his keys back to him, Dorian catching them effortlessly. “Whatever, just make sure my suit doesn’t go missing whilst it’s in your room,” he grumbles, snatching up the holster that had been left out for him on the table and started threading the leather through his belt loops. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve found you naked in my room,” Dorian teased, winking at Simon before dropping his attention back to getting his own gear ready, though that smug look doesn’t leave his lips.

Beside him Alec made some sort of noise between a cough and a pained whine and Simon’s still thankful that he can’t blush anymore. He darts his eyes up, looking at Alec without stopping his task of securing the blot pouch to his leg. The other man looks like someone just told him guys could get pregnant, shocked and confused as well as a little green. Simon knows how it sounds, knows what Dorian’s words could be take to mean and yet he doesn’t bother correcting Alec’s assumptions because they already think Simon’s a slut and it’s really none of his business anyway. It wasn’t anything like that though, Dorian having walked in on him getting changed. Simon had tripped over in his haste to pull his underwear on and landed flat on his back, naked as the day he was born. He had just laughed at Simon’s embarrassment as he scrambled to cover up his nudity, closing the door behind him as he stepped back out into the corridor and giving Simon time to get his clothes back on.

Alec gains composure quick enough, schooling his features back into his normal resting annoyance though he keeps his eyes on Simon as he walked around the table and over to the wall of weapons, plucking crossbow bolts from their holders and placing them into the pounce on his thigh, being extra careful not to touch the adamas tips. “I didn’t know Jace showed you how to shoot?” Alec questioned and instantly Simon tenses, his body going still for a second before he forces himself to relax and go back to filling the pouch, one bolt at a time. “He didn’t,” Simon said coldly, hoping Alec would get the hint and stop trying to talk to him because things would go a lot better if he did.

“Nah Si learnt his mad skills at nerd school,” Dorian teased, stepping up next to Simon and grabbing the crossbow down from the top rack, handing it off to Simon so he could secure it to the clip at the back of his trousers. It was small, designed to be held with one hand and sort of looked like a gun that had been modified. It was all black because of course it was, a series of runes carved into the side that were supposed to help with accuracy and speed, something Simon really didn’t need. It’s his though, well the one Dorian had declared his anyway, the blonde even having gone as far as to carve a rather crude image of fangs on it next to the runes.

Huffing in amusement Simon glanced up at Dorian and offered him a small smile that the other man returned with a wide grin, showing off his perfectly straight white teeth. Dorian knew he was tense, it would be pretty hard not to notice it and he was trying to help ease that worry, wrongly assuming it was because Alec was there and thought he was incompetent idiot. He wasn’t wrong about Simon thinking that but he couldn’t exactly tell him why Simon was actually so anxious about having the other man here.

“You went to a school to learn how to be a nerd?” Alec’s confused voice cut through the silence and Simon and Dorian both turned to look at Alec like he had just come out and said he wore pink tutus on the weekends. “No,” Simon deadpanned as Dorian burst out laughing, his hand gripping at Simon’s shoulder to support himself as he doubled over. Alec continued to look at them like they were the crazy ones and with a groan Simon tried to explain without confusing the other man more than he already was. “It wasn’t a school, it was a summer camp and it wasn’t nerdy.” Simon shot Dorian a quick disapproving frown but the other man was still laughing slightly and he waved off his correction like he hadn’t already known where Simon had learnt to fire an arrow. “It was about faith and tolerance and not ending up joining a gang or getting involved in crime and drugs and ending up dead before hitting eighteen but, whatever. That’s not important,” Simon said, waving his hand dismissively before he could get too stuck on it and end up in an unneeded rant about how well that worked out for him. “What is important was that they had an archery program and for six years I spent two weeks in the summer pretending to be Legolas.”

The room fell into silence, Dorian finally able to stop laughing though he was still holding onto Simon’s shoulder, the heat of his palm just making it through the layers of clothing and warming the skin underneath. Alec was looking at Simon weirdly, like he was actually seeing him for the first time and it left him feeling exposed and anxious. He didn’t like being the sole focus of someone’s attention, at least not like this and especially not from Alec. It made him feel like he was being dissected, cut open and pulled apart to get at everything hiding underneath and he really didn’t want Alec to find out all those things he had been hiding, burying down as deep as they would go.

“Please tell me you wore a blonde wig and tights at some point and there are photos?” Dorian grinned, either not noticing the way Alec was looking at him or just not caring. “In your dreams,” Simon scoffed. There were in fact photos, Simon having dressed up as the elf for Halloween when he was sixteen. Clary had taken way to many photos, getting Simon to strike pose after pose as they made their way through Central Park. Simon only had one photo from then though, he and Clary pressed close together and smiling brightly at the camera. They looked so happy so carefree but even then the down world had been encroaching and now as a vampire he could see the seelie in the background, slipping through the tress. The rest of the photos were lost now, gone with the rest of Clary’s belongings and never to be seen again. Just like the redhead.

“Well now that you mention it,” Dorian waggled his eyebrow at him, nudging his shoulder into Simon’s and knocking him out of his thoughts. Simon huffs, shoving the other man off of him and he goes with a laugh, grabbing his blades off the table and slotting them into their holsters. Dorian like’s getting up close and personal, carrying two daggers as well as a relatively short sword that goes into the thigh holster whilst the other two slot into a holster at the small of his back so he could easily reach round and pull them out in a fight. “Right! Now that fangs is ready shall we head out? We can talk tactics on the way Inquisitor.” Dorian walked backwards as he spoke, pointing behind him towards the door and still grinning like the idiot he was.

“Stop calling me that,” Simon grumbled half heartedly as he followed after him, Alec falling into step beside him. Dorian just smiled, infuriatingly happy when all Simon could feel was anxiety and an almost crippling sense of dread. Tonight wasn’t going to end well and whether that meant Alec was going to hit him or Simon was going to finally have a nervous breakdown he didn’t know but what he did know was that it was inevitable and he had been foolish to think he would have been able to get out of any ramifications from punching Jace. Sighing he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, pulling it closed in an attempt to hide most of the colourful writing and kept his head down, trying to ignore Alec’s foreboding presence next to him.

It was going to be a long night and as they stepped out into the still busy street Simon seriously contemplated faking some sort of vampire related emergency and heading back to the Averard, hiding away in his room and pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist. He doesn’t but he really wishes he was the kind of guy who could do that and not feel like a shitty friend after flaking on something important. That and he knows if he puts this off it will just make it worse when Alec finally manages to pin him down. No it’s better to just get it over and done with and then Simon can spend the daylight hours being an unhealthy mix of angry and sad so that by the time he has to interact with anyone again he should be mostly put back together again. It’s a shitty situation but Simon’s an adult and as they make their way through the busy night time streets, everyone oblivious to the heavily armed group, Simon resolves to act like the mature one and let Alec say whatever it is he wants to before politely telling him when he can shove whatever apology Jace had asked him to pass on to ease his bruised ego.

The walk out to the Heygate estate took about an hour and true to his word Dorian kept the conversation strictly about work, placing himself between Simon and Alec and not really giving the other man a chance to actually speak directly to Simon. For his part he only half listens to what’s being said, Simon already having heard the details. Instead he focuses more on the sounds of the city and the press of people around them as they make their way across the Thames and south towards Elephant and Castle, using the ambient noise to help calm him. He picks up little bits of the conversation though, Dorian not hold back on the detail about the bloody mess of animal remains that had been found nor the poor man who had had is leg ripped off by a large rabid dog that had sounded far too much like a werewolf for the institute to ignore.

Alec’s voice was a deep rumble as they discussed the lack of the local packs involvement, something that was both suspicious and concerning to everyone involved but thankfully it had nothing to do with Simon. He was here to fix the vampire problem, not the werewolf one. He did offered the odd comment about tactics and reasons behind the sudden attacks but otherwise he stayed quiet, not wanting to draw too much of Alec’s attention. Maybe if he got really into the hunt he would forget about his need to talk to Simon and he wouldn’t have to suffer through the undoubtedly awkward and heart breaking experience that was coming.

When they got to Heygate it was like a whole different word, a barren wasteland of grey concrete and rusty trollies that had half been claimed back by nature. The estate was due to be demolished, the vast stretch of towering buildings abandoned as it stood waiting to be reduced to rubble. It was eerie what with the windows smashed in and half the street lights not working, almost every bit of wall covered with graffiti that was a mix of tags, gang signs and profanities. It’s a bleak place, no hint of hope to be seen and Simon doesn’t really want to imagine how desperate someone would have to be, let alone a werewolf, to take up residence here.

“People actually lived here?” Simon glanced behind at Alec’s disbelieving words, watching the other man slip through the gap in the chain link fence that Simon had forced open for them, his bow held close to his chest so as not to damage it. “Not any more but yeah, thousands of people actually.” Dorian looks around as he talks, eyes moving across row after row of empty and darkened windows. The estate is vast and all they know is that something that resembles a werewolf had been seen going in and out of the condemned place and terrorising local residences and business owners. They have no clue if it’s one wolf or a new pack, or even just a stray dog that’s gotten big of eating rats and peoples cats.

Though there are a few of them it’ll still take time to search everywhere and there’s no guarantee that they will even find a lone wolf amongst all the concrete and maze of rooms. “Want me to run round and check it out?” Simon asked over his shoulder, not even looking at Dorian as he moved further between the buildings. It was worse then when he arrived at the Averard, these buildings towering higher above him than the hotel had. Derelict and empty it reminded Simon of one his zombie games, a group of survivors heading into the dead zone for food only be ambushed and eaten. He really hoped that wasn’t how tonight ended up.

Dorian curled his hand around Simon’s shoulder, squeezing gently and Simon turned to look at him. “Let’s stick to the plan shall we.” He looks pointedly at Simon, waiting for an answer and he bobs his head in agreement. “Yeah sure. Stick to the plan. Got it. No problem’o.” He’s rambling, the words rushing out of him and with grate effort he manages to snap his mouth shut before the shadowhunters start thinking him weirder than they already do. Dorian just smirks at him, his eyes alight with amusement but he doesn’t comment on Simon’s nervous behaviour or his desire to get away from them.

“We’ll split up into groups. Smith, you and Barns take the building on the left. Woods and Morgan you the one on the right.” Dorian rattled off his commands, the other turning to their assigned partners as he listed them off, drawing runes across their skin that they thought would be useful if they got in a fight. As the list got shorter Simon felt that nagging feeling of dread grow and mentally he crossed his fingers chanting not Alec, not Alec over and over again in his head in hopes that somehow Dorian would be able to feel his need to get away from the man. “O’Donald you’re with me back left and Simon you and the Inquisitor can take back right. Everyone else you take the lower buildings.”

As soon as he’s stopped talking the group start to fan out, heading in the directions they had been sent. “You did that on purpose,” Simon grumbled, his voice low enough that only Dorian could hear. Alec was already striding towards them, his expression unreadable though Simon imagined he was probably annoyed at having been lumbered with him. Dorian slung his arm across Simon’s shoulder again, leaning in to whisper in his ear as they both watch Alec get closer. “He’s your friend, plus he’s intimidating as fuck and I really don’t wanna have to spend more time with him than I need to.” Dorian’s breath is hot against Simon’s cold cheek, the smell of his coconut shampoo even stronger as his hair fluttered in the wind. He was close, practically pressed against Simon’s side. He didn’t needing to be looking at him to know that Dorian was smirking because he could feel his lips curling up against his cheek as he spoke, feather light as they brushed against him. Alec’s glare hardened, his eyes narrowing as he picked up the pace, covering the short distance remarkably quickly.

“So suck it up buttercup and go play nice with the big boss.” Dorian stepped away from Simon, patting him on the shoulder before letting go of him completely and leaving Simon feeling cold and abandoned to his fate. So much for being able to use everyone else as a buffer. “Oh, whilst you’re at it maybe you could remove that stick out off his ass as well.” Simon spun round to face Dorian, lips pulled back on a snarl and fangs showing but he was already gone, jogging to catch up to his partner and his gleeful laughter echoing between the buildings as he waved at Simon over his shoulder.

“You okay?” Simon tensed at Alec’s words, hands balling into fists at his sides. That was a loaded question and the simple answer would be no, Simon was not okay. In fact he was probably the furthest from okay he could get without sustaining serious bodily harm. “I’m fine,” Simon snapped, not bothering to look back at Alec. He felt on edge, like a caged animal and he didn’t like it. His fangs ached and his body was tense and he was so angry about the whole bloody situation because he had been doing okay, had been able to start putting the whole crap fest behind him but then Alec had shown up and said Jace’s name once and everything had just come crumbling down on top of him. He wanted to snap and snarl, to demand Alec get on with it or go away because he couldn’t take the waiting any more, couldn’t bare the fearful suspense that every time Alec opened his mouth that name would come spewing out again.

He heard the intake of breath behind him, the beginning of a word forming but despite his anger and need to get this over and done with Simon found himself cutting Alec off before he could even get the words to properly form, not wanting to do this here when they had a job to do. “Look just, let’s go already. I’ve still got to give Elizabeth a briefing before the sun comes up so I can’t afford to be waisting time here.” His words are sharp and angry, a slight snarl to them that reminds him to much of the monster he is. There’s a pause, one, two, three beats of Alec’s heart and then he’s stepping up next to Simon, gesturing to the dimly lit walkway ahead, “lead the way.” Simon grunts, ignoring the sharp edge to Alec’s words and starts off towards their assigned building, moving as quickly as he could without braking out into vampire speed. Annoyingly Alec keeps up, staying at Simon’s side as he strides through the overgrown and rubbish filled alleyways.

Neither of them speak, not even a word about strategy as they get closer to the derelict building. Simon’s honestly thankful for that because he’s still tense, fighting against the urge to grind his teeth together in his anger. Simon knows basic operating standards for this type of thing and when they get to the doors to the apartment block he presses himself up against the wall, one hand curled around the door handle and his fully loaded crossbow in the other. Alec stands ready, the string of his bow pulled back and arrow poised to go flying free of his hold if something was waiting for them inside. He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the door and gave a sharp jerk of his head. Simon yanked the door open, holding it wide so Alec can make his way in first before following after him, his crossbow raised as his eyes darted around the darkened space.

They make their way silently through the building, Alec leading and Simon obediently following behind just like he had been taught to. They work their way from one side of the building to the other, checking every room for signs of life and finding nothing but more graffiti, cigarette buts and empty bottles of cheap alcohol. There’s the distinct smell of smoke and paint still clinging to the air, as well as stale sweat and the musky stench of sex. It’s unpleasant, a horrible mix that’s underlined with damp and decay that has Simon wishing he could lift up his shirt and cover his nose and mouth but he knows it wouldn’t stop the rancid smell getting in, just mix his own in there as well. So instead he stops breathing, his mouth staying firmly shut as he tries to block out the smells around him. It doesn’t quite work and he tried to find something else to focus on but all there’s only Alec, with his steady heartbeat and even breathing and that unmistakable sweetness that is Nephilim blood.

Simon’s hungry, he always is but this is more then that low level hunger that he’s gotten so used to by now. He hadn’t eaten that evening, an idiotic choice on his part but Alec’s need to talk had left him feeling sick with how nervous he was and the smell of Alec’s blood had his fangs aching and hunger spiking.

Nephilim blood is the best Simon has ever tasted, bright like sunshine exploding across his palate and none more so than Jace’s, that pure angel blood making the man taste as good as he looks, fucking perfect and addictive. Simon still craves that rush, the give of flesh under his fangs as he bites down and a heartbeat racing as that warm and rich ambrosia filled his mouth. Alec wouldn’t taste as good, just like Izzy hadn’t but he would still be addictive and delicious, making Simon’s cold insides fill warm for once. Feeding off Izzy had felt like bitting into a plump and juicy peach, its juices running down Simon’s chin on a hot summer’s day. Alec though, he would be like dark chocolate, rich and earthy and like velvet on his tongue, curled in front of a roaring fire as a storm raged on outside.

He should feel disgusted with himself, horrified that he was comparing how his friends tasted and a part of him did but it was not the first time he had had these kind of thoughts and he had grown scarily used to that particular way of thinking. It didn’t mean anything, didn’t mean that Simon was itching to sink his fangs in and find out if he was right. He didn’t want to know because they weren’t food, not to him but it did help to keep him distracted, his sense of smell focused on Alec as his eyes kept watch for anything unusual and his ears strained to pick up the sound of something outside their own footsteps and Alec’s steady breathing mixed with his equally calm heartbeat. He didn’t think about why Alec had stuck around or what he wanted to talk about. He didn’t worry about Jace or everything that had happened before he came to London nor what would happen once all this was over and done with and he had to go back and face the disaster that was his life. Simon focused on the task at hand, completely happy with the silence that surrounded them as they worked their way up the building. He would need to feed as soon as he got back to the Averard though, his fangs digging into his bottom lip as he toed the line of his hunger. Maybe he could call ahead and get a pot of the good stuff sent up to his room, hand over the extra cash for something a little richer than his normal O+.

Neither of them spoke until they were almost halfway up the building, Alec the one to finally break the silence as they continued to climb up the stairs. “Why didn’t you say you could use a bow and arrow?” His voice was a low rumble and it took Simon a few seconds to actually realise that Alec had spoken. Frowning he looked up at Alec, the man a few steps ahead of him on the stairs. He wasn’t looking at Simon, his head turned up and looking at the dimly lit steps above them, his bow raised as if he was expecting something to jump out of the shadows.

It had probably been about two hours since that conversation in the armoury and Simon had just assumed that Alec had forgotten about it or just didn’t care outside the initial shock but apparently not. Had he been thinking about that this whole time? “What was the point? You all think I’m useless anyway and it’s not like any of you would have let me near your gear to prove it,” he answers truthfully. There hadn’t been a point for in saying anything because Simon wasn’t one for violence and as a vampire he didn’t really need to use weapons. It did make him feel kind of badass though, dressed like a shadowhunter (minus the rainbow laces and colourful print shirt), his crossbow firmly with his grasp as he stalked through the halls of an abandoned building. Again he was reminded of a video game, like a live action call of duty but without the guns and way more supernatural elements than just zombies.

“We don’t think you’re useless,” Alec mumbled as Simon slipped past him to the next door, curling his fingers around the handle and looking to Alec for his jerky nod before pulling the door open so the other man could step out into the next corridor. Simon huffed choosing to ignore the fact that he hadn’t said anything about not letting Simon near their equipment and the two of them fell back into silence as they began the process of clearing the floor. Simon knew they didn’t think him useless now but they had, back when he had been mundane and nervous and then newly turned and constantly on edge, fighting against what he was like the idiot he had been and honestly he had been kind of a disaster back then but he had grown up since then, accepting what he was and finding his place in the down world.

They cleared two more floors before Alec spoke again.

“I like your shirt,” Alec said suddenly and Simon froze, his hand curled around the handle of the door. Alec didn’t seem to notice his sudden immobility, striding past him and out onto the next floor. It’s the roof, the wind howling and whipping Alec’s hair around as he steps out, bow raised and eyes darting round the darkness for any sign of wolf activity. Simon actually doesn’t know what to say to that, hadn’t been expecting anything even remotely along those lines and its left him feeling like he had taken a step forward and found nothing beneath his foot.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, sounding just as confused as he felt. Alec had never complimented his

Track 9 - I used to be love drunk but now I’m hungover

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Simon arrives in London and determined to do his best he pushes last nights event and Jace from his mind but that is easier said than done. He has had Jace on his mind since the first time Simon had laid eyes on the unfairly attractive man just this time it’s for all the wrong reasons.

<- previous

next ->

first

Simon hated portals.

They always made his stomach churn, like being on one of those old and deadly looking roller coasters out on Coney Island, never quite sure if you would come out of the experience with your life or your lunch still in your stomach. Magnus insisted he will get used to it eventually but Simon would rather he just stuck to the boring mundane ways of travel instead. At least then he wouldn’t have to worry about getting distracted and ending up in some sort of limbo for all eternity, a real possibility considering how Simon’s mind tended to wonder even at the best of times.

He had stopped breathing whilst going through the portal, desperate to limit any distractions that could possibly lead to ending up in the aforementioned portal limbo. As he stepped out the other side though he sucked in a deep breath, filling his lungs with air once more and sinking back into the familiar yet useless habit of breathing. Instantly he was hit by the smell of old books, leather and must along with the distinct sweet tang of nephilim blood, like ripe strawberries on a summer day. Nervously Simon tried to push his hunger down, cursing his lack of breakfast but he hadn’t been able to stomach the bottle of blood that had been waiting for him that morning, the very thought of having to drink it making his stomach churn. He had tried to put it down to nerves, worrying about the task he was about to take on and what would happen if he failed to make any headway with the clans. And he was nervous about that, how could he not be but the prospect of having to see Jace again so soon had far outweighed anything he might have been feeling about coming to London.

He had barely made it through the institute doors, Simon having started to hyperventilate about half a block out, struggling to breath witch was just stupid because he didn’t even need to breath in the first place but that hadn’t stopped him form darting into a side street and pressing himself against the wall as he gasped for air. It had taken him almost an hour to stop shaking, having stopped breathing all together just to regain some sort of composure even as he rapidly begin to fall apart. When he had finally made it to the institute he had still been jumpy as all hell, expecting Jace to be lurking around every corner and ready to return the punch Simon had delivered the night before. He had been so angry last night, his whole body burning with his rage but in the bright light of day all that had simmered down to nothing but a gently smoldering rage that paled in comparison to his raging anxiety.

He didn’t want to see Jace acting like nothing had happened, so indifferent to the pain he had caused Simon, like it was his fault for bringing emotions into the casual sex Jace had been after. Simon couldn’t deny that. He was the one that had gotten attached after all and Jace had every right not to want that kind of relationship from Simon but just because he had a bit of a reputation now didn’t mean he would willing let himself be reduced down to some glorified moving sex doll, free for the taking. He deserved more than that, especially from the people who were supposed to care about him. It didn’t stop him from being absolutely terrified of seeing Jace again though and that just made him feel worse. He had never been scared of Jace before, intimidated sure but never scared and Simon really didn’t like the feeling.

Turned out though he was panicking over nothing, the blonde not even bothering to make an appearance. Simon didn’t know why he had expected anything different after last night, he already knew he didn’t mean anything to Jace so why he expected to see the man there, waiting to see him off Simon didn’t know. A stupid sense of misplaced hope probably, Simon desperate for Jace to take it all back and tell him it was all just some crazy misunderstanding. He didn’t need anyone to tell him how stupid and naïve that was of him, clinging onto the small shards of hope even as they cut his hands open. He already knew it would never happen. “Glad you could join us Mr. Lewis.” The bored drawl startled Simon out of his spiraling thoughts, his eyes snapping up to the two men before him.

Simon cursed himself, so stuck in his own head that he had failed to even notice the room he was in let alone the people before him. Even three thousand miles away Jace was still invading his mind, still the only thing Simon seemed to be able to focus on and he hated it. Hated that even after everything that had happened between them that he still couldn’t get the other man out of his head and his life. He needed to stop, needed to cut Jace out of his life now whilst he didn’t have the man around to remind him of how worthless and pathetic he really was. Simon was here to do a job, an important one at that and he wouldn’t let his broken heart and Jace’s callousness ruin it. Taking a deep calming breath Simon’s eyes quickly flickered across the room, taking in his surroundings in a matter of seconds.

The room was on the large side with a high ceiling that the early afternoon light didn’t quite reach. There was a large and old looking wooden desk in front of him, two tall windows behind it with heavy looking curtains pulled and tied to one side, a painting of what Simon thought was Idris hung on the wall between them. To the left of him was a large unlit fire place, the stone surrounding carved with scrolls and leaves with two large bookcases on either side that covered the rest of the wall and were packed full of books that looked older than Magnus. Simon had stepped out of the portal and in between two leather arms chairs, facing the desk and feeling very much like he had stepped into a mafia movie as he took in the scene before him.

Behind the desk was sat a man who Simon could only assume was Dayton, the current head of the institute. He looked older than Simon had thought he would, with wrinkles around his dull brown eyes and white flecked through his hair and beard. His brows are were furrowed, making the wrinkles around his eyes look deeper, his head bent down and completely focused on the rather large stack of paperwork in front of him. Like most other shadowhunters he was dressed in dark colors, the sleeves of his charcoal grey shirt rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open, the black of his runes standing out against his weathered skin. He looked like the kind of man who had seen everything and Simon wanted to ask him about a thousand questions but he knew now wasn’t the best time to do so, maybe if he managed to actually accomplish something with the clans he might be able to put up with Simon’s insistent talking long enough to answer a couple.

Slight movement in the corner of his eye had Simon snapping his attention to the side and onto the other man in the room. On the few occasions Simon had spoken to Dorian he had been nothing but professional and to the point and when he had imagined the other man he had kind of been imaging someone like Raphael but without any defined features and a bunch of runes littered across his body but the man before him was not like Raphael at all, oozing confidence that could rival even Jace and practically radiating a low level mischievousness.

He was leant back against the desk, arms crossed over his chest and legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at his ankles and looking both relaxed and ready to spring into action at any moment. He couldn’t be that much older than Simon, his easy smile and excited eyes giving him a sort of boyish charm. Oh and what eyes they were, not green but not blue either, instead a swirling mix that seemed to change with the moving light. They sucked Simon in, held his attention and he knew that if given the chance he would probably lose himself in them because they were just that beautiful. Not that the rest of the man was anything to scoff at.

His skin was practically glowing with the golden sun kissed tan he had going on, almost like it was radiating the heat he had absorbed from being out in the sun’s rays. His hair was a light brown, almost bordering on the edges of being a dark blonde and hung in slight waves around his rather symmetrical and sharp looking face, the ends just brushing against his shoulders. Simon’s fingers twitched with the urge to run through the silky looking strands, wanting to know if they were as soft as they looked and maybe ask him what conditioner he used. Then there were the muscles, straining at the thin fabric of his black t-shirt with every exhale. Simon was by no means scrawny but Dorian looked like he could bench press him easily, his biceps looking even bigger than Jace’s and considering how jacked he was that was saying something.

He looked like he had just stepped off the cover of some romance novel and Simon could easily imagine him in an open white shirt that was billowing in the wind instead of the black short sleeved t-shirt, black jeans and combat boots he was currently supporting. Though Simon could also see the appeal of his current look, the ruins definitely helping with that. They littered his arms, some fresh and some faded though all of them stood out against his otherwise flawless skin. Simon had no clue what half of them were for but he did recognize the one for vision on his right bicep, Jace having explained once when Simon had gotten curious about his own, fingers gently running across the black mark, listening as best he could even though he had been more focused on the feel of the man’s warm skin under his cold hand. He had said it was like a zoom on a camera, enhancing his sight and letting them focus on things in the distance. Jace had held perfectly still until Simon had realized what he was doing and had snatched his hand back, laughing nervously and shooting of some quip about calling him Nikon from now on. He hadn’t understood and by the time Simon had finished explaining Jace had his shirt back on and Simon had managed to gain some sort of control over his own impulsive actions.

Simon moved his gaze on, dragged his eyes across every rune he could see on Dorian’s exposed skin, following the curves and dips all the way up to his collar bone and the curled edges of what looked like the beginning of a spiral peeking out above the collar of his shirt. He didn’t recognize that one, not having seen it before on Izzy or Clary and definitely not having seen it amongst the many that covered Jace’s body.

Simon instantly slammed a wall down on that train of thought, forcing the image of a topless Jace smirking invitingly as deep down as he could. He had barely been here two seconds and he had already thought of the blonde shadowhunter more than he wanted to, not to mention he was comparing Dorian to him like Jace was the gold standard for attractive shadowhunters. He wasn’t. Simon would never be able to deny that Jace was an attractive man and the blonde knew it but he wasn’t the only one and Simon would be prepared to put money down on the fact that Dorian was just as attractive if not more so. Not that Simon was interested, not at all. It was just a casual observation. The guy was attractive and you would have to have be blinded not to notice that.

Dorian’s lips quirked up into a smirk, a knowing glint in his eyes and Simon realized he had been caught staring like some sort of creep. Even though his appraisal had lasted maybe five seconds Dorian still knew what Simon had been doing but considering he was the current vampire liaison for the institute Simon should have known he would be able to read the minute and fast actions.

Glad that he could no longer blush Simon turned his attention back to Dayton, the man still focused on his paperwork. “It’s good to be here. Sir?” The last word came out as more of a question, Simon not really sure what he should be calling the man. He was so used to just addressing Izzy and Alec by their names that he hadn’t really given much thought as to how he would need to address the other heads of institutes. The other shadowhunters always addressed them as Sir or Mam but Simon wasn’t a shadowhunter and he wasn’t under the claves command so it didn’t seem right to address him as such. He could always call him by his name but that seemed a little too informal considering they had only just met. He was desperate not to make a bad impression but to fall at the first hurdle like this and over something so trivial was just pathetic, even for him.

Finally the older man looked up, placing his papers down and giving Simon a small but somewhat strained smile. “Please, call me Dayton and you already know Dorian.” He gestured towards the other man still leaning casually against the desk and Simon’s eyes instantly darted to the side, the other shadowhunter reclaiming his attention. He pushed away from the table with his hips, uncrossing his legs before he uncurled his arms, offering Simon a large tanned hand as he stepped forward. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the voice, though you are not exactly what I was expecting.” His eyes flickered across Simon as they shook hands, his grip firm but not too tight and Simon made sure to grip back just as tightly, the man’s warmth sinking into his cold skin. “Erm yeah, same. Your-” Simon dragged his eyes across the other man, swallowing nervously as he made brief eye contact, “taller than I imagined,” he mumbled pathetically even as he had to look up at the other man. Simon was by no means short but Dorian seemed to tower over him, at least as tall as Alec if not slightly more so by an inch or two and it was both of putting and yet stupidly attractive at the same time.

Dorian quirked an eyebrow at him, an amused smile curling at his lips. Great, he was swapping one smug pretty boy for another. Why couldn’t he have been ugly, with a monobrow or have a massive mole on his chin? Why did he have to be so unfairly attractive? He knew it as well, that unmistakable air of confidence way to appealing. He had a type, Simon knew that and Dorian was exactly that. Confident, strong and charming, all things that Simon liked in a partner, both romantically and sexually. Though the charming part had mostly only ever applied to one person in particular and half the time that hadn’t even been directed his way but it hadn’t stopped Simon from liking it all the same.

He let go of Dorian’s hand quickly when he realized where his mind was going, taking a step back to put some much needed distance between the two of them. He wasn’t here for that and he didn’t even want to get involved with anyone either. He was done with love and romance and stupid idiotic band practice to at least the end of the decade. No he was here to focus on the job given to him and that was it. There would be no fucking his feelings away, not this time anyway.

“Have there been any more incidents?” Simon asked getting straight to the point, turning his attention back to Dayton. The man sighed, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his short hair. He looked tired, like he had been awake for days and was ready to pass out at any given moment. “There was a rather heated argument last night but it was stopped before it could dissolve into a full blown brawl.” Simon frowned, nodding his head along to what the man was saying. Tensions were running high and from what Dorian had told him the vampire clans were getting more and more agitated with every request for aid that came their way. If fights were breaking out in the streets things were worse than he had thought.

“The guy was pissed, thought he could start something and get away with it. Unlucky for him they don’t take any shit down at the devil,” Dorian snapped angrily, leaning back against the desk and cross his arms over his chest. Simon had no clue what Dorian was talking about but Dayton did, huffing in amusement. “When it suits them at least.” Before Simon could ask what the hell they were talking about a sharp knock sounded through the room and they all turned to look at the door. The gruff call of ‘come in’ barely having left Dayton’s mouth before the door was swinging open, another shadowhunter stepping into the room. She didn’t even look a Simon, quickly moving towards the desk and holding out another a file towards Dayton. “The report on the warlock incident out in Soho, Sir.” Sighing Dayton took it, looking at Simon and offering him and apologetic smile. “No rest for the wicked it seems. Dorian will help you with getting around and will be your primary point of contact for the institute. We appreciate the help and if there is anything you need do not hesitate to ask.” He smiled tiredly, nodding his head once before turning his attention back down to the file in his hands and clearly dismissing the people in the room.

“Come on, there’s and office down the corridor we can use.” Dorian jerked his head towards the door, taking Simon’s suit case from him before striding off and leaving Simon to hurry after him as the man disappeared out the door. “Keep up Lewis, don’t want you getting lost and ending up in Cornwall. Oh, and watch out for ghosts,” Dorian called over his shoulder, Simon’s eyes widening at the statement. That wasn’t possible right? He couldn’t just take a wrong turn and end up down at the English coast could he? That was just insane, even for the shadow world. He had to be joking about the ghosts as well, though the place was old and had that same slightly creepy vibe all old places had that left Simon’s skin prickling and feeling like he was being watched. It was enough to have him speeding up, falling into step next to Dorian and ignoring the other man’s laughter.

Wordlessly he followed the shadowhunter down the hall, failing to take anything in as he kept his attention fixed on Dorian just to make sure he didn’t lose sight of him. They barely passed anyone as they made their way through the institute, Simon so used to the New York one being a buzz of activity that it just seemed weird that the building almost came off as empty. The musty smell of leather and books still clung to air, like it was seeping from the very walls. Simon could still taste the sweet tang of nephilim blood on his tongue and he quickly stopped breathing, trying to keep his hunger at bay and prevent his fangs from dropping.

Dorian came to a sudden stop, flinging one of the heavy looking doors open and ushering Simon inside before following him in and closing the door behind them. He took the suit carrier off of him, leaving Simon to look around as he stowed that and his suitcase away in a cupboard in the corner. Much like Dayton’s office the room was on the large side, the ceiling high above and hidden in shadows, the light from the one window not quite reaching it. There was an equally empty fireplace on the left, an old map of London framed in a gilded frame above it and the right wall was lined with low cabinets that looked like they were at least a couple of hundred years old. The majority of the room though was taken up by a large oval table, eight chairs spread around it and a decanter of blood and a glass already sat at the end closest to him.

His stomach rumbled, his hunger making its self known and he had the good sense to feel embarrassed as the loud sound cut through the quiet room. “Help yourself,” Dorian laughed as he circled around behind Simon, patting him on the back on his way past to the cabinets. Simon hesitated for all of a second, watching Dorian as he started looking through the cupboards. When he didn’t say anything else Simon darted forward, quickly snatching up the glass bottle and pulling the stopper out. His mouth watered at the metallic tang that wafted up to him, his fangs having already dropped and now digging into his bottom lip.

He managed to keep himself in check to pour out a glass, drinking slowly so as not to make himself sick. It wasn’t the freshest blood he had ever had but it was only a day or two old and had yet to turn and end up tasting like sewage water. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was but considering he hadn’t drank anything since the party last night it was to be expected, especially considering he had thrown most of it up not long after he had gotten home, the memory of Jace on top of him, mouth attached to Simon’s neck like he was the vampire making his stomach churn.

“Better?” Dorian’s voice jerked Simon back to the here and now and his free hand fell from where he had been unknowingly rubbing at the spot Jace had bitten him. Licking at his lips to clean them of any lingering blood Simon placed the glass down on the table, feeling even more like an idiot than he had before. What was he even doing, acting like some kind of half-starved freshly turned monster? Shit this was not going how Simon had wanted it to, not even in the slightest.

“Sorry, I erm, I skipped breakfast this morning,” Simon mumbled, the excuse sounding stupid even as he said it. Dorian shrugged as he turned back to Simon, a large role of paper in hand. “Don’t sweat it, you’re not my first fledgling.” Simon frowned, never having been too fond of being called that, especially when Raphael had used it to scold him. Dorian strode purposely towards him, slinging his arm around Simon’s shoulder and completely ignoring the way he went stiff under the other man’s hold. “The inquisitor thought we should know that you wouldn’t have the experience of a mediator the clave would normally send our way but considering how he spoke about you I don’t see it being that big of a deal, especially if you carry on the way you’ve been going,” he assured, clearly mistaking Simon’s look as him being confused as to how Dorian knew he was so inexperienced.

Simon didn’t know what to say to the other man. He had been shocked at how certain Alec had been of his capabilities, not quite believing the words that had come out of the other man’s mouth but to hear that he had also been telling others that he thought Simon was capable of this had a strange felling swirling in his gut. It was a mix of pride and nerves, Simon wanting to live up to the faith Alec seemed to have in him whilst being almost one hundred percent sure that it just wasn’t going to happen. Simon didn’t cope well under pressure and he could feel it already starting to mount on top of him, pressing down on him and causing his anxiety to sky rocket. He had been so confident yesterday morning but a lot had happened in the last twenty four hours and now he wasn’t so sure he had any right to be here.

“And you don’t care, about the age thing?” he rushed out, gesturing vaguely towards himself. “No,” Dorian scoffed, letting his arm fall off Simon’s shoulders as he stepped around to his other side. “The majority of the clan leaders are a couple of hundred years old and they all act like twats so you’ll probably be the maturest one there apart from Elizabeth.” Simon hummed, nodding his head slightly. He still didn’t think he deserved the faith Alec or Dorian had placed in him but he would try and live up to their expectations, even if it took him the better part of a decade to accomplish anything.

“Now that’s all over with, shall we get cracking or do you want me to stroke your ego some more,” Dorian smirked, wiggling both his eyebrows at Simon even as he scowled at him. He didn’t need anything stroked and most definitely not his ego. It wasn’t Simon’s fault that he was nervous and not used to any shadowhunter being that confident in him outside of Clary. Without a word Simon slipped into the chair nearest him, pulling his bag onto his lap and started to pull out his folder and note pad. He did have his laptop but Dorian had told him that Elizabeth was kind of old fashioned and she would appreciate the use of pen and paper more than the constant clacking of his laptop keys. So Simon had done everything twice, writing all his notes out by hand and making sure his handwriting was the neatest it had ever been, only to type it all up on his laptop afterwards. It would make it easier to send to Alec and keep him updated on any progress he might make whilst here.

“So what do you know about the London clans?” Dorian asked as he unravelled the large scroll across the table top, Simon having to quickly snatch up his half full glass so he didn’t end up with blood all over his meticulously written out notes. “Enough,” Simon said tersely, placing his glass on the other side of his papers. “Izzy gave me access to the institute library before I came over so I knew what I was walking into.” Simon didn’t look up as he spoke, quickly sorting through his file in search of the notes from their last phone call. When the silence stretched on Simon looked up, frowning in confusion. There was an empty chair between him and Dorian, the shadowhunter bracing himself on the table with both hands and looking at Simon expectantly. “What?” Dorian’s eyes flickered over Simon before he huffed in amusement, a smirk curling up the corners of his lips. “I didn’t realise you and Miss Lightwood were so close.” Simon narrowed his eyes at the other man, “we’re friends.” The words rolled easily off his tongue, feeling a lot less hollow then they had a year ago. They were friends, good friends and that was it. Even if he did know what she looked like naked and that she had this really sensitive spot right at the bottom of her deflection rune that always got her gasping when he dragged blunt teeth over it, sucking gently at the mark.

“Never said you weren’t,” Dorian said smugly, his eyes firmly fixed on the map he had rolled out across the table. Simon huffed, not really in the mood for whatever it was Dorian was attempting to get going between the two of them. “Is this a map of the territories?” Simon’s eyes darted across the map, taking in the thick lines that divided London into five distinct areas. “Sure is. You read about the clan massacre in that library time of yours?” Dorian darted his eyes across to Simon, his little half smirk he had been supporting this whole time now gone, a seriousness settling across his angular features. “I, yeah, I read about that.” It had been a blood bath and sure the clan had been out of control, killing mundanes for the fun of it but it had been kind of harrowing to read all the same, Simon not having be prepared for it when he had started looking into the London vampire population. It wasn’t surprising that the vampires of the city didn’t want anything to do with the clave after that. Even if none of them had been there for it the memory still remained and the vampires were weary if not outright hostile to the idea of letting shadowhunters amongst their ranks. “Fantastic, saves me explaining that shit show. Now listen up twilight because things are about to get complicated.” Simon eyes widened in surprise that Dorian knew what that even was but it quickly slipped into a scowl. He didn’t appreciate the sudden nickname but he wasn’t in the mood to argue about it so he chose to just ignore the man instead, clicking his pen and getting ready to take notes when needed.

That’s how he spent the next three hours, Dorian explaining the current clan system and how London was divided as well as recent issues between the clans themselves as well as with the shadowhunters. It wasn’t too complicated to follow, Simon already having known some of the things the other man was telling him. After the massacre the clan had been non-existent for a while, the vampires of London in utter chaos until one man had stepped forward and began to build it back up, separating out the city into five wards with their own clans that answered directly to him.

He was simply known as Bo and try as he might Simon hadn’t been able to find anything out about the man apart from he was old, like Viking old and was insanely rich and reclusive. He had only been seen a handful of times in the last fifty years and most believed he had gone back to his native Norway, leaving his most trusted lieutenant in command. Simon had managed to find a fair bit on Elizabeth though, the women having been turned unwillingly at the beginning of the Victorian era though she hadn’t seemed to let that slow her down, carving her place into the world with a resolve as strong as steel. She was a force to be reckoned with, what with overseeing the London clans and also being the head of their own police like force, making sure all vampires who set foot in their territory abided by the rules and dealing swiftly with those that didn’t. The threat of her was probably the only reason the shadowhunter hadn’t had his throat ripped out the night before, the vampires too terrified of what she might do to them if they attacked someone.

Simon’s confidence grew as time passed and he began to realise exactly how much he had already known coming into this. He felt calmer, prepared even as he and Dorian went over his notes, discussing what he thought would be the biggest issues going forward and how he thought they should be handled. From talking to Elizabeth he knew that the vampires though that the shadowhunters just wouldn’t care about them if they accompanied them on hunts, leaving them to their fates and potentially gruesome deaths if anything were to go wrong. Well that and they didn’t trust them not to just stake them for simply being vampires.

Simon wished he could ease their worries in that but considering how some of the shadowhunters had been acting he wasn’t too sure that their concerns weren’t justified. There was a tension centuries old that underlined every interaction between the clans and enclave and if something wasn’t done soon it could spark into a full blown war between the two. All it would take is one shadowhunter running his mouth and a vampire lashing out in anger. And if it happened here it would spread, other clans coming to their aid and then the whole alliance would fall apart.

Alec had gone a long way in mending the relationship between shadowhunters and downworlders but Simon knew first-hand how bigoted people could be. He had seen it himself, had seen the way people had looked at him, the vampire that had no place standing shoulder to shoulder with shadowhunters. More so at the beginning but he still got the occasional comment, someone calling him a monster, a parasite, something that needed to be exterminated like he was nothing more than a roach, his kind an infestation on the earth. He had been lucky with Alec and Izzy, even though Alec hadn’t exactly been too fond of him at the begging but then he hadn’t really cared for Simon whilst he had still been human so he didn’t think his feelings had anything to do with the sudden bout of vampirism.

Even Jace hadn’t really cared, had even offered up his precious angel rich blood to save Simon’s life, though he suffered no delusions with that, knowing full well he had only done it for Clary’s sake. Jace had never seen him as anything less because of what he was even when Simon had, terrified of himself and what he was capable of. He had treated him exactly the same as he had when Simon had been a mundane, the two of them snapping at one another as they fought over the love of the same women. Not that that had worked out for either of them, a Clary shaped hole in both their lives that neither of them could seem to shake. He had thought, for a while at least, that the friendship he and Jace had developed would go a long way to help filling that hole. He knew he could never replace the redhead, she meant to much to both of them for that but he had believed that together they had moved on, built something from the ashes that had meant something. Funny how that was what the ruins of their friendship now felt like, like ash in his mouth and smoke in his lungs.

“Is that where you was bitten?” Blinking Simon turned his head towards Dorian. At some point he had sunk into the chair next to Simon, one leg stretched out under the table and the other drapes over the arm of the chair. He had an arm slung over the back of the chair, his other arm resting on the table and his hand curled around a steaming cup of coffee. He was staring intently at Simon, his aqua eyes unwavering and full of curiosity. “Huh?” Simon had no clue what he was on about, having been too lost in his own mind to really be paying any sort of attention. Dorian lifted his hand that was resting on the back of his chair, gesturing at Simon before letting it fall back to its original resting place. “Your neck. You keep touching it and I was wondering if that was where you got bit.”

It was in that moment that Simon became hyper aware of his hand resting on his collar bone, his fingers gently rubbing at the spot above his collar where Jace had bitten him the night before. “Yeah,” he mumbled. That wasn’t true, not in the slightest, at least not in the way Dorian meant. Camille had bitten him on the other side of his neck, the memory of her fangs sinking in still fresh in his mind though what had happened with Jace last night was rather successfully pushing it aside and taking over. Moving his hand away from the pulsing spot Simon snatched his glass of blood up off the table, just to have something in his hand so it couldn’t go back to his neck.

When he had woken up that morning all the marks that Jace had left littered across his neck and jaw had been gone, his skin perfectly unblemished as if the night before had never happened. He would have been okay with that, happy for it have been nothing but a dream twisted into a nightmare except Simon could still feel them, his skin seeming to throb every place Jace had sucked and nipped at but none more so than where he had bitten Simon, sinking his teeth in like he was the vampire looking for his neck meal. He couldn’t stop touching it, prodding and poking at the spot like he was expecting to still be able to feel the bumps and divots of Jace’s teeth and with every touch came the flood of memories that threatened to drag him under and swallow him whole.

“You were turned by Camille Belcourt right?” Dorian swung his leg off the arm of the chair as he spoke, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees. “Yep,” Simon popped the p, lifting his glass and taking another long swallow of his blood. He didn’t need to ask how Dorian knew that. The vampire clans here operated under a registration system, Simon having to fill out forms about himself and his maker before he was even allowed into the city. It was almost like having to apply for a visa, the clans well within their right to refuse a visiting vampire sanctuary within their territories if they didn’t like the information provided. It didn’t surprise him that the shadowhunter would have looked at his application though it did surprise him that Elizabeth had allowed it considering what he was here for. Unless Alec was giving out more information on him then he had realized.

Dorian whistled, low and long as he slumped back into his chair. “That’s a whole lot of crazy to be related to.” Simon scoffed. That was an understatement if he ever heard one. “You have no idea.” The two of them fell into silence, Simon sipping at his blood whilst Dorian drank his coffee. It was a strangely comfortable silence, Simon not feeling the need to fill it like he normally would. He and Dorian had gotten along surprisingly well, even if Simon found him a little irritating but he knew his friends felt the same way about him sometimes so he wasn’t to bothers by it. He was nice though, professional and dedicated to his job but still coming off as easy going and friendly, cracking cheesy jokes along the way that had Simon laughing despite his nerves. Except he wasn’t nervous, not anymore, not really. Sure there was still that gentle underlying hum of worry, Simon concerned that he would let Alec down and in turn Dorian and the London institute as well but he felt as ready as he was ever going to be, armed with all the information he could get his hands on. Now all he had to do was follow Alec’s advice and stand his ground, refusing to let the clan leaders intimidate or bully him. Considering the things he had faced in the last couple of years that should be a piece of cake. In theory at least.

“Hot though,” Dorian said offhandedly, face blank as he stared at the empty fireplace. Simon choked on his mouthful of blood, coughing and spluttering as he looked across at the other man in disbelief. Before he could ask if Dorian was brain damaged the clock began to chime and the man was up and out of his chair in one quick movement, knocking the last of his coffee back. “Right, shall we get a move on then? It’ll take about an hour to get to The Averard, unless you wanna catch the tube that is but I thought you might enjoy the walk after being stuck in ‘ere. Plus the underground is full of weirdos this time of day and that’s just the mundies.” The words rushed out of him in one continuous breath, Dorian not even looking at Simon as he began to tidy away the various maps and documents they had spread across the table.

Quickly he scrambled to do the same, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth in an attempt to get rid of any blood, whilst gathering his notes together with the other hand. It’s only when he starts to put everything back into his bag that he noticed his phone and realized with a startling panic that in all his nervousness he had forgotten to text Izzy. He had his phone in his hands in the blink of an eyes, his chat with Izzy open before he takes note of the time. It’s seven o’clock, meaning he had been here for four hours and yet he had no angry texts, no missed calls and no annoyed warlock turning up to make sure he had gotten here with all his limbs intact.

Frowning Simon’s thumbs hovered above the keyboard, his finger tapping quickly against the side as he just stared at the screen. Maybe something had happened. Maybe the moment he had left the alarms had started going off as demons invaded the city and they were all fighting for their lives whilst he sat around drinking blood and laughing at bad jokes. They wouldn’t think to tell him, not till after at least and that was if they told him at all. He can’t help but remember last time something like this had happened, Simon turning up at the institute when Jace had failed to turn up at his for their planned move and pizza night, the blonde failing to answer any of his calls and texts either. When he had gotten there he found Izzy with a few scratches and bruises, nothing that an iratze couldn’t fix but Jace had been in the infirmary with a broken arm and a jagged a cut running diagonally across his chest.

Simon had been scared then, worried about the other man and it had come out in the form of a lengthy lecture about having back up and an angry “this is why you’re supposed to take me with you asshole.” Jace had answered with his usual indifference, brushing off his concerns easily, mocking Simon and his abilities in one breath and then in the next likening him to a fairy tale knight come to save the damsel in distress. Simon had called him the name of every Disney princess he could think for a week solid after that and referring to himself as Prince Charming just because he liked how adorable Jace looked when he was annoyed, with his brow furrowed and lips pursed. Maybe that was half the problem, Simon having grown up watching Disney moves and believing that love conquered all when the reality was as far from that as it could get.

“You ready?” Dorian called, already over by the door and holding it open, Simon’s suitcase next to him and the suit carrier slung over his shoulder. “Yeah.” Simon quickly sent Izzy a text, apologizing for its lateness and asking if everything was okay before shoving it back into his bag and following the other man back out into the corridor. He shrugged the uneasy thoughts off as best as he could, convincing himself that he was just over reacting and that they were fine. He had a tendency to over think things, even more so when his friends were involved and it would likely turn out to be something stupid like a werewolf with its head stuck in a fence again.

He followed Dorian through the maze of corridors, the man insisting he knew where he was going when Simon pointed out that they had already walked past the tapestry of an angry looking angel relieving a horned beast of its head. This time Simon paid attention to his surroundings, relaxed enough now that he didn’t feel like he was going to choke on his nerves. The place was vast, more so than he had realised when Izzy had been telling him about the place, with high ceilings that seemed to disappear into the gloom above, untouched by the low and warm lights that were dotted along the walls. Tapestries hung on the walls, depicting simple things like runes and weapons to more detailed scenes of battles, shadowhunters fighting downworlders and angels residing over it all. The place smelt old, hundreds of scents laying one over the other to give it that distinct lived in smell. Though there might not be as many shadowhunters here as there had used to be it still thrummed with the lives of the people that inhabited it, that distinct ozone smell of magic underlying it all and binding everything together.

Simon loved it.

It was like being at Hogwarts, Simon feeling way too much like Harry the first time he had walked through the halls, staring in wide eyed wonderment at everything they passed. Every open doorway they passed Simon looked in, his eyes darting around and trying to take everything in. He knew he would be back at some point, having to have meetings with Dorian and Dayton, maybe even Alec but it would never compare to the feeling he had now at seeing it all for the first time. He wanted to flit around at full speed, opening every door and discovering every secret but each time he went to move further into a room Dorian was there, fingers curling around his elbow and gently pulling him along, laughing gently at Simon’s obvious excitement. It wasn’t mocking or cruel, Dorian seeming to genuinely find his curiosity endearing and amusing, promising Simon there would be time for a proper tour next time even as Simon craned his neck to get a better look at the ops center as he was dragged out the doors and onto the darkening street beyond.

The walk to The Averard did not seem to take an hour, Dorian striding forward with purpose and weaving effortlessly through the early evening crowds whilst dragging Simon’s suitcase along behind him. He spoke nearly the whole way there, pointing out places of interest for both mundanes and downworlders, acting as an impromptu tour guide. It was a lot to take in Simon torn between paying attention to the shadowhunter and taking in the sights. He promised to take Simon back to the devil tavern, gave him vague directions to the British museum and insisted that they go shopping at some point along Oxford Street even as he pulled Simon down it, avoiding the dense crowd of people doing just that.

The closer they got to Hyde Park though the quieter it got, Dorian finally falling silent as they followed the edge of the park, the metal fence and hedge on one side and the still busy road on the other. The sound of traffic faded as they headed down a side street, Dorian not even looking as he stepped out into the road and Simon’s suitcase narrowly missing the front bumper of a black cab. The buildings here were older, towering above them and even though the street was wide it still felt like they were curling in on him, the dark windows glaring down at him.

“Aaand we’re here,” Dorian exclaimed, coming to a sudden stop on the street corner and gesturing up at the building next to them like he was presenting some sort of amazing artefact. Simon came to a stop in front of him, glancing up at the large building with curiosity. It was rather impressive, Simon could admit that, with its floor to ceiling windows and carved decretive details, not to mention the fact it towered above them, Simon not even able to see too top of the multi floored building from where he stood. All the windows were blacked out, making them stand out against the stark white brick, no sign of life coming from beyond the darkness. There was nothing special about the building, nothing that would suggest the large building in front of him was anything but derelict and empty. A forgotten relic of a time long since pasted.

“Here?” Simon questioned in disbelief, raising an eyebrow at the other man. Dorian smiled widely, stepping up to Simon’s side and slinging his arm around his shoulders. “You shouldn’t be so quick to judge. I assure you that the place is teaming with a whole host of blood sucking undead who are just dying to devour you.” Simon frowned up at the smiling man, letting his annoyance show. “Vampires don’t drink from other vampires,” Simon huffed. At least he didn’t think they did. He had never heard of it and the idea really wasn’t all that appealing. Blood was about life, sustenance and considering vampires were dead he didn’t think you would be able to get either of those from the blood of a vampire.

Dorian’s smile turned wicked, a mischievous glint in his teal eyes. “Who said anything about drinking blood?” He winked at Simon who in turn looked up at him with his mouth open slightly and brows furrowed, his words getting stuck in his throat. Dorian laughed at Simon’s stunned silence. The man laughed a lot, smiled to, giving off the air of someone carefree with a lust for life that most shadowhunters lacked. Uncurling his arm from around Simon Dorian gripped his elbow once more and pulled his forwards. Simon stumbled up the stone steps, his concern about what he would find on the other side of the door growing after Dorian’s comment, expecting to find some rundown and grungy looking bleeder den inside that maybe doubled as a brothel.

Dorian shouldered the heavy looking door open, that to painted white with a long window set in the stone above it. It’s there that Simon sees it, the name of the hotel set in the glass in elegant gold print, the quickly fading light glinting off of it and almost making it look like it’s sparkling. It’s situated in a way that you would only be able to see it once you were up the steps and already by the door, subtle enough to be missed by mundanes but still visible enough to let visiting vampires know they were in the right place. Before Simon can really appreciate the craftsmanship of the intricate lettering the door was swinging open and Dorian was pulling him inside, shutting it firmly behind them with a loud thunk.

Darkness greets them.

Simon’s eyes adjust quickly to the dark, blinking a couple of times in quick succession until he could see clearer, except there wasn’t really anything to see. The darkness clings to everything making it impossible to really see anything other than the box of light on the floor with the hotels name cast in shadows on the stone floor. He thinks it’s a corridor, abele to see that the walls are close but he can’t see anything towards the end, the blackness just getting thicker and darker like it had sucked all the light from the space. He can smell magic in the air though, can practically taste it but it doesn’t make him feel any less uneasy at the sudden lack of everything.

“Come on,” Dorian mumbled nudging Simon’s shoulder with his own as he strode forward, seemingly unbothered by the darkness. There’s no sound, not his footsteps on the stone, nor the annoying sound of his suitcases wheels rolling along, not even the dulled sound of traffic from outside. It’s jarring, Simon feeling like he had been dunked into a sensory deprivation tank but he still follows after Dorian, trusting the man even as he disappears into the darkness. Sucking in a deep breath, Simon adjusted the strap of his bag and stepped forward, following after the shadowhunter and letting the darkness consume him.

It’s bright when he steps out, Simon slamming his eyes closed against the sudden influx of light. He can hear the gentle mummer of conversation, the distinct sound of people moving around accompanying it. After the corridor it’s all a little much, flooding Simon’s senses and he winced at the slight pain that flashes through his head. “Hey, you’re good. Just take a minute, let it all sink in.” Dorian’s voice is soft and calming as he speaks, placing his hand on Simon’s shoulder and squeezing softly. Simon darts his own hand out, curling his fingers around the other man’s bicep in an attempt to ground himself. He pulls in one deep breath after another, focusing on Dorian’s slow and steady heartbeat until he finally calms down and he can open his eyes again, blinking a few times in quick succession to adjust properly to the light. He’s smiling apologetically down at him, his bright eyes strangely dim. “Sorry. I should have warned you abou’ that.”

“Its fine,” Simon mumbled, squeezing at the other man’s arm in what he hopes is a reassuring manner and not like he’s trying to feel the guy up but, damn they are some solid muscles. Simon quickly snatched his hand back and shuffled backwards slightly so he is out of the other man’s reach. Dorian cocks his head to the side slightly, brows furrowed in confusion and Simon pointedly looks away, once again thankful he can’t blush any more. Realization flickers through his aqua eyes, a wide grin stretching across his face and he’s laughing again, all traces of his previous worry gone. “Next time just ask mate, no need to swoon when you wanna cop a feel.” Simon huffed crossing his arms over his chest. “I wasn’t swooning,” Simon denied, scowling at Dorian and fighting the urge to stamp his foot like a child. “Sure you weren’t,” Dorian teased, winking at Simon. Huffing he turned away from the other man, letting his eyes dart around the room he now found himself in, shocked at what he saw.

The floor was made of polished stone tiles, the walls lined with dark wood paneling that went all the way up to the tops of the door frames. The walls above were painted a deep forest green that gave way into more dark paneling, the ceiling lined in that same highly decorative panels only for the middle of the ceiling to be painted that same forest green as the walls. By all rights it should be dark and oppressive but the large chandelier above flooded the room with light, the circle of large round bulbs filling the space with a warm yellow glow.

There was a rather grand looking staircase to his left, the steps polished white marble with a deep green carpet running up the middle, brass pipes pressed into the bottom of every step to keep it in place. The banister was carved from the same kind of wood as all the paneling, the thing looking freshly polished and gleaming in the light, the spindles brass with intricate ivy leafs curling between every other one. There were large palms in brass pots at the bottom of the steps, the green leaves standing out against the dark wood, other potted plants and lamps dotted around the lobby that kept the oppressive darkness away.

When Simon had been told the vampires would be putting him up for his stay he had assumed it would be much like the Dumort, as in it was a hotel only in name and was just the place where the clan lived but as his eyes landed on what looked like a check in desk, a cabinet of old looking keys behind it Simon was forced to reconsider that assumption. It was a hotel, a real life vampire hotel and Simon didn’t know whether he should be excited about how amazing that sounded or be slightly worried about the fact that meant a lot of vampires came and went often enough to warrant such a place.

In front of him was a large doorway that lead through to what looked like a lounge area. The flooring from the lobby giving way to deep green carpet that matched that on the stairs. The wood paneling continued through the room though it only came up to about waist height, the rest of the walls painted the same green as the lobby and the coving on the ceiling simpler in design. The room was scattered with wooden tables, plush leather sofas and chairs. He could see a few people already in there, some alone and engrossed in their papers as they sipped what Simon assumed was blood from various cups and glasses, whilst others had paired off or gathered in groups, talking freely. Beyond that he could see another doorway a glass panel set in the top with the word ‘Restaurant’ scrawled across it in gold. He couldn’t understand why vampires would need a restaurant unless it was just something left over from the buildings previous purpose but Simon could swear he could smell the swirling mess of things cooking in the air that would suggest otherwise.

His first thought was to take a photo and send it to Jace, ask the blonde if he thought it was an all you could eat buffet or a la carte. Would the different blood types be laid out like a wine list, each one with its own description that likened them to fruits and nuts and everything else in between? He quickly puts a stop to that though, forcing even the slightest idea of the other man away. He really doesn’t want anything to do with Jace. Not right now anyway.

In the handful of seconds Simon had spent taking in his surroundings Dorian had already started to make his way over to the desk, Simon trailing after him and still glancing around the impressive room. The check in desk is more like a counter, coming up to just above Dorian’s navel and blocking off a small section of space, the thing carved from the same dark wood as everything else and a stylized ‘A’ carved on the front, surrounded with an ornate circular leaf design. Simon wants to say its mahogany but honestly he has no clue what it is, that’s just the only dark type of wood he knows the name off. Behind the counter was a doorway that seemed to lead into an office area but what caught Simon’s attention was the large cabinet on the wall, four rows of seven brass hooks lining the inside and nearly every single one of them had a large and old looking ornate key hanging from it that looked like they weighed more than the contents of Simon’s satchel put together.

Dorian leant casually against the counter, beaming at Simon as he tapped the small bell that sat on the side. The bell chimed, seeming to echo around the room and Simon couldn’t look away, transfixed as the little brass dome vibrated, carrying on the gentle ringing until it became a continuous humming in Simon’s ears. It invaded his senses, filling his head to the point he thought he would never hear another sound again, would never be able to look away and be stuck in this endless moment for the rest of his days.

A pail hand appeared, pressing down on the bell and stopping the ringing. Simon jerked back, snapping out of his trance like he had been slapped. The air smelt like magic, thick with electricity and when Simon managed to drag his gaze up he was met with a whole lot of blue.

It was a women, incredibly striking with her slightly flushed skin and large, electric blue eyes. She was dressed in a white blouse, a black waistcoat overtop with a brass nameplate pined on over her left breast but that was where the traditional ended. She had a face full of metal with a loop over her plump bottom lip and a nose ring hanging from her septum as well as two bars through her right eyebrow. Her hair was shaved short on the sides with a short mohawk running down the middle of her head but it was the dye job that really held Simon’s attention, the sides and bottom of the mohawk electric blue though it faded into a blue/green along the tips with her eyebrows dyed to match. Her lips were painted the same shade of electric blue of her eyes that seemed to spark with anger, glaring across the desk at Dorian like his very existence had personally offended her.

“What the hells you doing here?” she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. “Harper!” Dorian exclaimed loudly, throwing his arms out wide and only just missing smacking Simon in the face. “Get out,” she deadpanned, eyes narrowing at the other man as the air cracked with magic, the tang of electricity heavy in the air. So she was a sorcerous, one that appeared to be extremely angry with Dorian for some reason. Simon had to wonder if maybe she was an ex. Dorian seemed like the type to leave a trail of angry lovers behind him, his carefree attitude probably not lending its self to anything other than casual though Simon wasn’t really one to judge. He hoped that none of his previous partners were angry with him though. He had always been sure to make sure they understood he wasn’t after anything other than a night or two of passion and they had all seemed to be on board with that but now he wasn’t so sure. Oh G-ah, what if he was the asshole leaving a trail of angry and jilted lovers behind him instead of marginally satisfied partners that were more than happy to go again at some later date?

Dorian laughed, though there was a slight nervous edge to it now and went back to leaning against the counter. Simon just watched on in weary confusion, his gaze darting between the two of them. “Harper,” Dorian smiled, “beautiful, talented, merciful Harper.” She huffed, posture relaxing as she lifted one blue/green eyebrow and looked at the shadowhunter expectantly. Dorian leaned both his elbows on the counter, pressing his palms together as if he was about to start praying, the tips of his fingers just resting against his bottom lip. He wasn’t smiling anymore, looking across at Harper seriously. He pulled in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go, tipping his hands towards Harper. “Please?” he whined.

Harper scowled at him, unfolding her arms to point at the door behind them. “Out. Now,” she snarled, blue lightening crackling between her fingers. Simon was legitimately scared that she was going to use her magic to throw Dorian out if he didn’t leave but the other man didn’t seem to care, rolling his eyes at her demand. “Oh come on. It’s just the lobby and any way it’s not like I’m not going to be here for the meetings anyway,” Dorian said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting like a sulking child. Harper let her arm fall, bracing herself on the counter as she leant forward across the desk slightly. She looked livid, like she was seconds away from punching Dorian and Simon tensed, ready to dart forward and yank the man out of harm’s way if that should happen. He had no clue what was going on between the two of them but Simon liked the shadowhunter enough not to want to see his pretty face get smashed in. “You were told that unless it was for official business you weren’t to step foot in this building.”

“This is official business!” Dorian exclaimed, gesturing towards Simon and Harper’s eyes snapped over to him, seemingly only just noticing him. “Someone had to make sure the guy got here without getting lost or mugged.” Something about having both of their attention on him seemed to jar Simon out of his confused daze, Harper’s words finally registering along with a growing feeling of dread. Oh. Oh no. Dorian wasn’t supposed to be here, didn’t have permission to be in vampire territory and Simon had just allowed him in like it didn’t matter even though he knew vampires didn’t like shadowhunters invading their space, the fact that the New York clan wouldn’t let any shadowhunter passed the front door without permission from the clan leader not even registering.

Dorian hadn’t said anything though, had just strolled on in like he had done it a hundred times before, confident and apparently uncaring of any consequences he may face by being there, like the effect it could have on the job Simon was here to do. Why would the vampires ever trust the shadowhunters if they couldn’t even follow a simple request not to enter their territory unless given explicit permission from the clan’s head, something Dorian seemed to be lacking if Harper’s harsh words were anything to go by.

“What the hell Dorian?” Simon hissed angrily, taking a step forward in to the man’s personal space and shoving at his shoulder. Dorian winced slightly at Simon’s angry outburst, Harper smiling smugly behind him and crossing her arms over her chest again. “Look,” Dorian started, turning to fully face Simon who had adopted the same pose as Harper, glaring at the other man as he waited for some kind of explanation. “Elizabeth may have said-” Harper scoffed, Dorian shooting her a glair over his shoulder, “that she didn’t want me in the hotel unless I had been formally invited or for official shadowhunter business.” Simon groaned, eyes closing and head tipping backwards as his arms fell to his side. Brilliant, he hadn’t even been in the building five minutes and already he was breaking rules that he didn’t even know had existed in the first place.

“And yet here you are.” Simon’s eyes snapped open, his head jerking up and round at the cold and unimpressed voice. At the top of the sweeping staircase stood one Elizabeth Blackheart, the current acting head of the London clans and though Simon had known what she looked like he hadn’t been quite prepared to see her in the flesh. She was stunning, tall and slender with porcelain skin that was pale even for a vampire, like she hadn’t spent a day in the sun even when she had still been alive. She had one hand curled around the dark banister, her nails long and sharp, painted a dark red that looked like she had dipped them in blood. Her long black hair tumbled over her shoulders and down her back in large and lose glossy curls, not a single hair out of place.

She commanded attention, respect and the majority of that came down to the way she held herself, back perfectly straight and head held high, looking down her straight nose at them like the lady of the manor looking at her servants. Some of it though came from the way she was dressed, smart and distinctive in deep red tailored trousers that ended at her ankles, her black pointed heels polished to the point Simon w

Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you

Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Alec was expecting to walk into the institute to a sickening display of affection and most likely having to pry Simon and Jace apart to make sure the vampire left for London on time. What he got though was Simon on edge, acting like he was waiting for an axe to drop and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out what exactly had gone wrong.

<- previous

next ->

first

Alec had concerns.

He had expected to find Jace and Simon being disgustingly romantic now that they had gotten their acts together. When he had come down to see Simon off he had assumed he would find the vampire practically vibrating with how happy he was, a wide smile in place and constantly touching and kissing Jace like he was trying to make up for lost time. He had also expected to find Jace huffing and rolling his eyes, insisting it wasn’t a big deal whilst also smiling fondly at the vampire’s antics and giving into his every demand for affection.

Personally Alec couldn’t see the appeal. Simon was too chaotic, unable to stay still and constantly talking about things that Alec didn’t know or care about. He was the complete opposite of Jace and yet somehow they managed to work well together. Jace had been a mess when Clary had been made a mundane, though he had tried to hide it from them, insisting he was fine when they all knew he wasn’t. Simon had been the only one able to get through to him, something Alec had been grateful for yet also irrationally annoyed about. The friendship that had come out of it had been a surprise though but no where near as shocking as the first time he saw Jace flirt with Simon, the vampire flirting right back. Now that had been a surprise but Jace had just shrugged it off, insisting it was nothing except it just kept happening, again and again and it didn’t take long for anyone who spent any time with the pair to realise what was actually going on. The only two people who didn’t seem to realise were Jace and Simon, both of them adamant that they were just friends but Alec had never known friends who looked at each other’s asses as much as they did when the other wasn’t looking.

The point is that Alec had expected to be greeted with a horrendously happy couple who couldn’t keep their hands off one another. What he got instead was Simon looking like he was waiting for an axe to drop on him and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out exactly what had happened.

When he had left Jace his parabatai had been nervous but otherwise on track to pull his head out of his ass and actually admit to Simon that their ‘friendly banter’ had actually been flirting and that he wanted to be a lot more to Simon than just friends. Yes he had lost track of Jace at some point, having gotten pulled into a rather lengthy conversation about the power imbalance between certain downworlder factions and then he and Magnus had done the rounds, making sure they spoke to everyone so as not to foster idiotic notions of favoritism. By the time he had caught site of Jace again he had been hand in hand with Simon, smiling widely as they made their way from the hall and disappearing towards the stairs. He had been able to feel Jace’s happiness through their bond, the feeling bleeding into Alec’s own and leaving him smiling and though there had been a spike of panic it hadn’t lasted, their bond going blissfully quiet and leaving him able to concentrate on the rest of his evening without grinning like a mad man.

Across the other side of the ops table Simon nodded, his face blank and eyes dulled as he listened to Izzy give a rundown on the London institute and it’s rather extensive size as well as the shadowhunters in residence there. He was lucky Evelyn had retired the year before or he probably wouldn’t have been allowed to set foot in the place despite Alec’s insistence. Luckily enough Dayton was much more open about downworlders and working alongside them. Now if only the vampire clans were as willing to work with the shadowhunters as they were with them. Hopefully though Simon would be able to make some sort of headway in fixing that if not resolving the issue all together.

He had been reluctant at first about sending Simon. Not because he believed he would mess up and make an already tense situation worse but because it was his first major assignment and there was always the possibility this was to much to soon for the daylighter. Though to give Simon credit he had taken the challenge head on, even going as far as to hold preliminary one on one interviews with the shadowhunter in charge and the clans second in command. Simon seemed determined to prove himself and Alec was more than willing to admit that he had been happy with his work so far. He even looked the part, having ditching his normal hoodie and jean combination and was instead wearing smart black slacks with a white shirt and black skinny tie, a light black leather jacket overtop and finely polished black oxfords. He looked smart, though not as formal as last night and thankfully there was no sign of the eyeliner he had been wearing the night before either. Now if only he would stop looking like an empty shell of his usual self and he would be good to go.

“Dorian is going to meet you once you get there, as well as Dayton.” Izzy handed over a tablet as she spoke, Simon taking it with a hum and fingers moving quickly across the screen as he looked through the other shadowhunters files. Alec scowled at his rather subdued response. That was another thing that he was finding a little unnerving. Simon normally had to fill every silence with inane chatter but this morning he had barely said more than he had to. Everything about this seemed wrong, almost like he had walked through the door and ended up in some strange parallel world that was almost the same except all the little things had been changed, leaving him feeling uneasy and on edge. And where the hell was Jace? Simon would be leaving in a matter of minutes and yet he was nowhere to be seen. Considering how he had reacted when Alec told him about Simon’s assignment he would have thought Jace would be down here fussing with the rest of them, clinging onto Simon for as long as he could. Maybe he should excuse himself and go look for his parabatai, just to make sure that everything was okay because he had the growing feeling that it really wasn’t.

“Dorian is going to…” Izzy started but Simon cut her off, sighing loudly as he handed back the tablet. “He is going to run through any new developments before taking me to the Averard Hotel where Elizabeth will formally introduce me to the heads of the vampire clans before giving me the rest of the evening to settle in before we get down to business tomorrow. We’ve been over this a hundred times already Izzy, I know.” His sister pursed her lips, folding her arms over her chest and looking at Simon with mild annoyance. Simon had already been there when Alec turned up, Izzy going through the exact same information and Alec found it easy to believer that he had in fact already heard that particular information a hundred times today.

“Fine, I’ll go check if Magnus is ready for you then,” Izzy huffed, flinging her hair over her shoulder as she turned and striding purposely from the room. Simon groaned, one arm wrapping around his waist as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the other hand, his eyes closing and a frown pulling his lips down. It was the first real show of emotion Alec had see from him all morning and though he had been looking for some sign of life he had been hoping for his normal dorky rambling, not for him to be so tense and angry. “She just wants to make sure you’re ready. This is a big deal Simon and there is a lot that could go wrong,” Alec stated, feeling like he needed to defend Izzy’s constant fussing. They all just wanted him to do well with this and it helped ease her worry over the vampire being so far away. If anything should happen none of them would be on hand to help him and though Alec trusted the shadowhunters at the London institute Simon did have a tendency to find trouble and there was a genuine concern that he would yet again get himself into a situation he would need rescuing from.

“I know,” Simon snapped, “you don’t have to keep reminding me.” Alec jerked back at the sudden outburst, staring at Simon like he had grown a second head. He had seen Simon snap at Jace before, at other downworlders and shadowhunters but never him. Honestly he had thought that Simon was still a little scared of him but he either wasn’t or was so stressed that he just didn’t care at the moment. Alec wanted it to be that Simon was no longer scared of him. If he and Jace were a thing now then it meant there would be a lot more interacting with one another and if Simon was scared of Alec that would just make things awkward and uncomfortable. Though he did have every intention of letting Simon know that if he broke Jace’s heart he would break Simon’s legs and then set fire to his stupid collection of plastic statues he was so attached to.

Groaning loudly in a mix of what sounded like frustration and anger, Simon went to shove his hand through his gently styled hair, his fingertips just sinking into the strands before he seemed to think better of it. His hand dropped to his neck, his nails scratching at a spot just above his collar. Simon’s eyes seemed to glaze over once more, staring unseeingly across the room as he continued to scratch at that same spot, leaving behind red lines that faded just as quickly as they appeared. He sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it rush out of him along with the tension he had been holding in his shoulders, his hand finally falling away from his neck to hang limply at his side. “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous and I get you guys are trying to help but constantly telling me how important it is that I don’t screw this up isn’t helping me right now.”

Alec winced slightly at that. It hadn’t been his intention to stress Simon out or make him feel like Alec didn’t trust him with this but it was rather important this matter got settled. London was the biggest institute in Europe and some of the most high profile vampires across the world were part of the London clans or at least had dealings with them. If a deal could be struck there then others would follow and Alec would hopefully be able to spread the downworlder and shadowhunter alliance across the world.

He had offered to go himself but Dayton had declined, insisting that a vampire would go a long way to helping ease tensions and considering Simon was currently the only vampire representative for the clave Alec had had no choice but to ask the daylighter to go instead. Not that Alec though that was a bad thing per se but he probably would have felt more comfortable if he was handling the matter himself. He had put his trust in Simon’s capabilities to talk rings around people though and if he did end up failing to make any progress Alec could always go in after and try his luck with the clans.

“You’ll be fine,” Alec tried to reassure him but from the way Simon scoffed he didn’t think he quite pulled it of. “Really,” the vampire mumbled sarcastically. He seemed agitated, crossing his arms over his chest only to uncross them and cross them again. Though Alec often found this sort of behaviour irritating he actually welcomed it now. It was familiar, Simon’s natural self finally coming through instead of whatever it was he had been doing before. “Yes really. If I didn’t think you were capable of this I wouldn’t be allowing you to go in the first place.”

Simon stared unblinkingly at him for a long few awkward seconds, the silence between them dragging on. Alec was only a few seconds away from snapping at Simon to stop when he finally spoke, sounding genuinely surprised. “Wow. I think that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Alec’s natural scowl deepened. That couldn’t be right, could it? But even as he frantically searched back his mind came up blank. There had been a lot of sarcastic comments and blatant annoyance, Alec not really having even been that nice to Simon when he had asked him to go to London. He had been polite enough but mostly just professional, not that Simon had seemed to care though, to busy rambling on and on about how he wasn’t going to mess it up. If he and Jace were dating now that would have to change, Alec needing to make sure he treated the vampire better, especially if he and Jace ended up being a long term thing witch knowing how Simon was with relationship that was probably a given. Oh. Oh no. Alec was going to be best man at their wedding and have to listen to Simon cry about how amazing Jace was. Though he supposed that was preferable to having to listen to Jace talking about how hot Simon looked in a suit again.

“Don’t get used to it,” he deadpanned, dropping his gaze down the the tablet in front of him and effectively ending the conversation, though he makes sure to let a small half smile curl up the corners of his mouth, just so Simon would know he didn’t mean anything by it. “Yeah, wouldn’t dream of it,” Simon mumbled, looking confused by the whole exchange. Out the corner of his eye Alec watched him fidget, shifting from one foot to the other before lifting his hand up to once again rub at that spot on his neck, his thumb pressing down on the spot even as he tugged at his collar with his other fingers, as if he was trying to pull it up to hide the red mark he was leaving behind. Alec kept his head down but his eyes remained trained on Simon, watching with a frown as he went back to staring unseeingly across the room, his whole body still except for his twitching fingers. Alec knew Simon had a lot of nervous habits and ticks, the constant fidgeting being the most prominent one but this was new and a little odd even for him. Was it the spot he had gotten bitten by Camille? That had been a couple of years ago now though and surely if he had some sort of twitch related to that Alec would have noticed before now. Something was going on, Simon acting more neurotic than normal and Alec didn’t like it.

That uneasy feeling started to grow, Jace’s absence just making it that much worse but before he could demand some sort of explanation Simon’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and full of panic as he stared at the doorway like the hounds of hell were coming to drag him away. Frowning Alec lifted his gaze up to look in the same direction, concerned about what would have the vampire looking so terrified, especially whilst in the institute. Dodson rounded the corner with quick, sure strides, his head down and completely focused on the tablet in his hand, not even acknowledging them. Simon’s body slumped forward, his gaze falling back down to the table as he let out a sigh of relief. Bracing his hands against the edge of the table Simon hung his head between his arms, his eyes falling closed as he pulled in one steady breath after another. His knuckles were white with how tight he was gripping the table, his whole body seeming to tremble.

Something was definitely wrong.

Concerned for Simon and by his obvious distress Alec moved quickly around the table, placing his hand on Simon’s shoulder, his concern evident in his voice. “Simon?” The vampire startled, jerking out of Alec’s light hold and stumbling backwards, looking up at him with absolute terror in his dark eyes. Alec took a step back, holding his hands up to show Simon that he didn’t mean him any harm, not that he ever would intentionally hurt Simon. “Hey, it’s just me,” Alec said slowly, keeping his voice as calm as he could. Simon’s eyes darted around the room like he was looking for an escape, his breath ragged as he struggled to pull in air and his whole body shaking. “Look at me,” Alec took a step forward, keeping his eyes on the vampire as he spoke. Simon’s eyes finally managed to settle on him as he got closer so that he could reach out once more, placing both hands on the vampires shoulders in an attempt to ground him. His hands shot out instantly, his cold fingers wrapping around Alec’s biceps and his nails digging in slightly. He would likely have bruises but as long as his hold didn’t get any tighter he would be fine. “Breath with me, in and out, in and out.” He slowly pulled in a breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out just as slowly. Simon looked like a scared animal, his brown eyes wide and full of panic but Alec maintain eye contact, breathing in and out slowly and soon enough Simon’s own ragged breathing fell into rhythm, the shaking finally coming to a stop to a stop as his breathing evened out.

Simon’s eyes darted off to the side almost as soon as he had calmed down but he made no move to let go of Alec. The vampire’s natural coldness was seeping into his skin everywhere they were touching, even through the layers of clothing and Alec had to fight the urge to shiver. He never did like being cold. “I…thanks,” Simon mumbled, finally unclenching his fingers and pulling his arms back. He wrapped them around himself, shoving his hands under his armpits. He looked so small and fragile like that, clinging onto himself and head ducked down like he wasn’t a vicious and blood thirsty predator and was still just a scared mundane boy who had followed the girl he loved into a dark and abandoned church. “It’s fine.” Alec squeezed once at his shoulders before stepping back to give the vampire some space, folding his arms behind his back and trying to discreetly rub some warmth back into his hands. Simon nodded his head slightly, still refusing to look anywhere even remotely close to Alec.

“What happened?” Simon’s eyes snapped up, quickly flickering over Alec as if he was trying to gage if he was being genuine or asking out of some social obligation. Alec did genuinely want to know though. He may not be Simon’s biggest fan but he still considered the vampire a friend and he was concerned about his current state. It was more than nerves about London that he was sure of. “I just,” Simon paused, his eyes darting between Alec and the doorway. He sighed, a look of resignation flickering across his face but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, the blank mask from earlier slipping back into place. “It’s nothing,” he said flatly, uncrossing his arms to let them fall limply at his sides.

“Don’t lie to me,” Alec growled out, glaring at the vampire. Of course it was something, Simon had had a bloody panic attack because Alec had touched him. There was no way that was nothing and Simon could lie to himself all he wanted but he should know better by now to think that Alec wouldn’t try and find out what the hell was going on after that show of neuroticism. Simon glared back. “Fine, it’s nothing to do with you or Izzy or Magnus or anyone else in this bloody room,” he hissed, clenching his hands into fists and looking at Alec like he might try and hit him. Alec would like to see him try, even with his vampire speed but at the moment there was something else that took priority and especially if it involved his parabatai because there had been one name Simon had missed and there was no way that was a coincidence.

“But it is to do with Jace.” Simon went stiff, his whole body tensing. His eyes lit up with panic as they snapped to the door, like Alec just saying his name would summon the other man to them. That wasn’t right. Even at the beginning Simon had never out right been scared of Jace. Sure he had been angry, jealous and suspicious but never scared and that really didn’t sit right with Alec. “What happened last night?” he demanded because that was the only time something could of happened between the two of them. He couldn’t understand what though because Jace had looked so happy, had felt it to, clinging on to Simon like he had won a prize but now he really thought about it Simon hadn’t looked as happy as the blonde had, had almost seemed a little uncomfortable about Jace’s attention. Alec had just chalked it up to him being a little uneasy about the rather public display of affection but maybe that hadn’t been the issue at all.

Maybe all of them had in fact been wrong and Simon had turned Jace down. He couldn’t imagine Jace would have taken that well. It was clear to see how enamoured he was with Simon and to lose yet another person he had given his heart to would have hurt him more than he had been ready for. Alec’s mind flashed back to that moment of panic he had felt from Jace just after he and Simon had left the ballroom. He had put it down to Jace worrying about having to admit his feelings but what if it had actually been because Simon had turned him down, denying Jace the love he craved from the brunette.

Simon’s hand went back to his neck, his fingers rubbing at that same spot again. His eyes brimmed with tears and he looked up at Alec with such pain and sorrow that Alec could swear he could feel it himself. He had never been good with emotional people, had no clue how to comfort a grown man who was on the verge of crying and looked like his whole world had fallen apart. “Jace, he,” Simon’s voice cracked, the first few tears falling, “he doesn’t…”

Whatever Simon was about to say was cut off by Magnus, the warlock striding into the room like he owned the place. “Right. Let’s get this show on the road shall we?” There was a blur of movement, Simon moving quicker than Alec could track but when he stilled his tears were gone though the sadness remained in his eyes, Simon smiling up at Magnus but it was clear to see it was forced. Alec loved his husband, truly he did but sometimes his timing was way off. “Ready?” Magnus asked, his eyes flickering between him and Simon as he came to a stop next to Alec. He wanted to say no, wanted to demand answers from Simon because that wasn’t the look of someone who had broken a heart but someone who had had their heart broken and Alec couldn’t understand how that could have possibly happened. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Simon grinned, stepping away from the table and bending down to grab up his satchel, slinging it over his shoulder. Magnus gave him a questioning look but Alec shook his head slightly, giving his husband a look that he hoped said he would explain latter. Explain what he wasn’t to sure but Magnus probably would have some idea. He often did about these kind of things.

A dull ache began to form in his chest and Alec absentmindedly lifted his hand to rub at the spot.

With his usual confidence Magnus moved further into the room, Simon, Alec and Izzy following closely behind. “I’m going to open up the portal into Dayton’s office like we agreed. Are you sure you have everything?” Magnus spun on his heels as he came to a stop, turning to look at Simon expectantly. The vampire huffed, rolling his eyes but there seemed to be a genuine if small smile tugging at his lips. “I have all my notes and laptop here-” Simon patted his satchel, “and you insisted on packing my suitcase because I apparently can’t be trusted so I’m going to go ahead and say yes, I have everything.” Magnus rolled his eyes, completely ignore Simon’s pointed look as he waved his left hand out in front of him. Blue light danced between his fingers before he snapped them and it disappeared, a smallish black suitcase now sat by Simon’s feet and a matching suit bag draped over his arm. Simon eyed the sudden additions suspiciously, lifting his eyes up to Magnus and raising an eyebrow. “Don’t worry there’s nothing to ostentatious in there,” Magnus waved off his concerns though his idea of outlandish definitely differed from everyone else’s and Alec knew for a fact that there was at least one highly patterned shit in there that Simon would never have chosen to wear on his own but Magnus had insisted when Alec questioned the choice and considering he knew relatively little about fashion he had chosen not to argue the matter. Well that and he wanted to avoid another hour long lecture on silk and cotton quality.

“Best not to keep them waiting any longer, Dayton’s probably already counting the seconds of his precious time we are wasting.” Before Magnus had even finished talking Izzy was rushing forward, wrapping her arms around Simon and pulling him down into an awkward looking hug. Simon wrapped his free arm round her waist, holding the suit bag out with the other so as not to wrinkle whatever was inside. Izzy buried her head in his neck, talking lowly so only Simon could hear. Whatever she said had that flash of pain lighting up his eyes once more but by the time they pulled away from one another it had gone, Simon smiling softly down at her like nothing was wrong. He stepped up next to Magnus, taking a deep breath and looking ahead with a mix of determination and nerves. “You’ll be fine,” Alec stated, stepping up behind Simon, placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. “Remember to stand your ground and don’t let them intimidate you. If you show even a fraction of uncertainty they will try and exploit it and just because their older than you doesn’t mean they know better. You have every resource the Clave has at your disposal so don’t be afraid to utilize it and if anyone at the institute gives you any trouble let me know and I’ll have them on weapons cleaning duty for a month.”

Simon huffed in amusement, that small but real smile back in place. “Where were you when i needed you in high school,” he mumbled and Alec would have told him that he was off killing demons and keeping mundane’s like him in blissful ignorance but before he could even open his mouth that dull ache in his chest began to grow, turning sharp and bitter. Alec let go of Simon’s shoulder as he took a step back, digging his palm into his chest and wincing slightly at the pain. It reminded him of the feeling he got when Magnus had left him after the whole mess with the soul sword and that was not something he was eager to re-live. He automatically turned his head to look at the doorway and out towards the stairs as if he was expecting to find someone stood there. He needed to go find Jace.

There was a flash of light, the distinct hum of magic in the air and when Alec turned back round a portal stood before them, the gold circle shimmering in waves as the room beyond became distorted. “Deep breath and think of nothing but the London institute, don’t want you getting stuck in limbo for all eternity now do we.” Magnus gestured towards the portal, flashing Simon a quick smile as he patted him on the back before he stepped back to stand next to Alec. He frowned as Alec winced, continuing to press at the ever growing feeling of pain and loss in his chest. It was almost too much, Alec grabbing at Magnus’s arm as the feeling of utter hopelessness began to press down on him. Simon stood there for a few seconds, completely unaware of what was going on behind him as he stared at the swirling mass before. It was almost like the vampire was in a trance, unable to look away and unable to step forward. He pulled in a deep breath, lifting his head up as he seemed to find his confidence. “This better not take me to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre,” he mumbled before taking a confident step forward into the swirling void. “Text me when you get there,” Izzy yelled after him but Simon was already gone, the portal shimmering briefly before closing.

Alec instantly turned to Izzy, his hand darting out to grab at her arm. “Where’s Jace?” he rushed out. He had to find him, now. Something was wrong and his parabatai needed him. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him all morning.” Alec groaned at her words, fighting the urge to snap at her about keeping better track of her subordinates. “Alexander what wrong?” Magnus fretted, placing a hand on Alec’s back and holding onto his arm with the other. “Jace, there’s something wrong i can feel it.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth the other two seemed to snap into action. “I’ll go check his room, you get Alec to my office.” Magnus nodded at Izzy, trying to move Alec towards the other end of the room as she began to stride quickly towards the stairs but before she made it even half way across the space Jace came stumbling around the corner and all three of them froze as they took in his appearance.

He was still in last nights outfit, his black shirt crumpled and his tie pulled to hang loosely around his neck. He didn’t have his shoes on, his belt unbuckled and hanging from his suit trousers. His hair was an absolute mess, sticking up in all directions, his eyes rimmed red and his normally glowing skin pale, almost sickly looking. He was a mess, his normally well maintained appearance completely ruined but that wasn’t what held Alec’s attention. On his jaw and cheek was a large bruise, the skin a dark purple and swollen, his lip split and dried blood clinging to his chin.

“Simon,” he croaked out. He sounded as bad as he looked, his voice catching slightly as it quivered. When no one answered he took a few stumbling steps into the room, his wide panic filled eyes darting around as if he was looking for someone and it didn’t take a genius to realise who he was after. “Where is he?” he rushed out, sounding as desperate as he looked. “He’s gone,” Magnus spoke softly but in the almost empty room it sounded like he had shouted it and Alec felt that pain in his chest intensify tenfold.

Jace staggered backwards, his back hitting the wall and instantly he sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands. Alec was across the room in a few large strides, sinking down onto his knees in front of his parabatai. Gently he pulled Jace’s hands away from his face and placing them in his lap. Jace didn’t even flinch as Alec gently cupped his neck and cheeks, turning his head to face him and trying not to agitate the tender and painful looking bruise. “What happened?” he pleaded with him, his own feelings of worry and fear mixing with the echo’s of Jace’s own. The faint smell of whiskey still clung to Jace, stale and unpleasant as he puffed hot air against Alec’s jaw, making him want to wrinkle his nose in disgust. It had been almost a year since Alec had seen him like this, almost a year since he had tried to drink himself into an early grave and Alec concern only grew. What had gone so wrong that Jace would do that to himself?

“Alec I…I,” tears welled in his eyes, Jace stumbling over his words as they caught on a strangled sob. He looked up at Alec with wide grief filled eyes, the guilt and pain so evident in them that Alec felt like they had been etched permanently into the other mans soul. “I messed up.” Alecks spine straitened at that, a lot of things starting to click into place. How on edge Simon had been, his anger and Jace’s absence, the way he had been constantly looking over his should like he was afraid of his own shadow. “I messed up and now he’s gone and he thinks that I…that I,” Jace cuts off on a sob and Alec doesn’t hesitate to pull him against his chest, wrapping one arm around his back and soothing at his hair with the other. Jace cries, his sobs muffled against Alec’s chest and his whole body shacking. He grips tightly at the back of Alec’s shirt, his nails digging in even through the fabric but Alec makes no move to stop him. All he dose is hold Jace whilst he breaks apart in his arms, shushing his parabatai softly as he mumbles out a stream of ‘it’s all my fault’ and ‘he hates me’.

Alec doesn’t know what to do. It should have been easy, a sure thing. All Jace had to do was apologize to Simon and explain how he felt. They could all see how far gone Jace and Simon were for each other, the two practically in a relationship already. He had been so convinced that all they needed was a gentle push and then they would be as disgustingly cute as he and Magnus were but something had gone wrong, horribly wrong and Alec didn’t know how to fix it. Jace had been through so much in his life, had suffered through one loss after another and after Clary Alec had thought that Simon would provide the stability that Jace needed along with the open and honest affection that he deserved. Instead all there was was more heartbreak, another loved one lost and he couldn’t help but feel guilty over that. Alec had been the one to push Jace into confessing when he hadn’t wanted to. Alec had been the one to send Simon away when clearly he was needed here to help fix whatever had happened. He may not be responsible for how things had gone between the two of them but he still had his fair share of the blame to shoulder and he couldn’t even begin to start apologizing for his actions.

A gentle hand on his shoulder pulled Alec away from his thoughts and he turned his head to look up at his concerned husband. Next to him Izzy gracefully sunk to her knees, wrapping her arms around Jace and pressing her face against the back of his neck. The three of them were huddled together on the floor, Jace nestled between the two of them in a protective cocoon just like they had used to do when they were younger and Jace still had nightmares about the abuse Valentine had put him through. Pulling in his own shaky breath Alec turned his head back round and pressed his face into Jace’s hair. No one said anything, the only sound in the suspiciously quite room Jace’s ragged breathing and pained cries.

Alec didn’t know how to fix what was broken between Simon and Jace but what he did know was that they would help the blonde shadowhunter through it as a family. Jace was their brother, as much a Lightwood as he was a Herondale and Alec would do everything within his power to make Jace happy. Even if it meant dragging Simon back from London kicking and screaming or keeping him there for as long as he could. Whatever Jace needed Alec would give him because they were brothers, parabatai, family and Alec always took care of the people he loved.

Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others / Jace x Clary mentioned

Summary:“You should ask him out.” Jace choked on his water, eyes going wide as he spluttered and coughed. “What?” he managed to croak out, turning to look at Izzy like she had gone crazy and for all he knew she might have, considering the utter gibberish she was speaking. Sighing she rolled her eyes, “Simon, you should ask him out on a date instead of pining over him like some love struck idiot.”

Jace scowled, turning away from her and stalking down the hall in an attempt to get away from her and the ridiculous conversation. “I’m not pining,” he mumbled under his breath. He wasn’t pining. He didn’t do pining, no he was the one people pined over, not the other way round. And anyway, he didn’t want to date Simon. He just wanted to have sex with him, vigorously and often as well as maintain their current friendship. That wasn’t dating, it was friends with benefits except Simon didn’t do stuff like that. He was Mr. Relationship and Jace, wasn’t.

Track 1 - Jace ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ Herondale

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) by Susan Egan

Track 2 - Friends don’t look at friends that way

that Way by Tate McRae

Track 3 - This night ain’t for the faint of heart

Wicked Ones by Dorothy

Track 4 - Shame on me, baby

S.L.U.T by Bea Miller

Track 5 - I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

I Found by Amber Run

Track 6 - I’m sorry to interrupt It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you

Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys

Bonus track

Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top

Track 7 - This world can hurt you. It cuts you deep and leaves a scar. Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart by Mark Ronson feat. Miles Cyrus

Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say Something by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera

Track 9 - I used to be love drunk but now I’m hung over

Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls

Track 10 - I’m here trying not to bite your neck but it’s beautiful and I’m gonna get so drunk on you and kill your friends

Track 7 - This world can hurt you. It cuts you deep and leaves a scar. Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Simon doesn’t want to be here, the thought of seeing Jace again leaving him an unpleasant mix of angry and nervous. He’s determined to make the best of it though and when a rather attractive seelie starts to take an interest in him Simon’s all for it. So naturally that’s the point Jace comes crashing back into focus and Simon’s left scrambling for solid ground.

<- previous

next ->

first

Simon really didn’t want to be here.

He had forgotten about the party in the mess of things and it had only been Izzy asking what he had been planning on wearing the day before that Simon had remembered about it with an all consuming panic that had left him scrambling for an excuse not to go. He had tried to talk his way out of it but he had been so nervous and panicked that he had stumbled over his words and failed to come up with a reasonable excuse in the moment. Izzy hadn’t accepted any of his stammered excuses anyway, sighing down the phone and pointing out how bad it would look if Simon wasn’t there considering his involvement with the cabinet and his current job roll. Reluctantly he had given in, promising to be there even though he desperately wanted to be anywhere else right now.

It wasn’t that he was trying to avoid the institute. He had been a couple of times in the last few weeks but it had all been planned out, Simon one hundred percent sure that Jace wasn’t anywhere near the building and he only stayed for as long as he needed, making sure he was long gone before the blonde showed up. So no, he wasn’t avoiding the institute, he was avoiding one of its occupants and he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far.

It hadn’t exactly been that hard though, considering Jace had practically dropped Simon from his life with relative ease. The only time they had spoken was when Jace had phoned to find out why Simon wasn’t at their scheduled training and even then they hadn’t actually spoken, Simon to terrified to answer the phone because he knew as soon as he heard the other mans voice he would go running back to him like the pathetic mess that he was. So he had just watched it ring, staring at the photo of Jace looking all soft and smiling as he played the piano, the Captain America theme blearing out across his apartment. When it had stopped ringing Simon had held his breath, waiting to see if it would ring again but when it had stayed silent he had snatched it up, staring down at it as he tried to work out why Jace would call him so suddenly after three days of nothing. It was only when he saw the date that he even realized what day it was and the fact he had missed their weekly training session.

That had left a rather sour taste in Simon’s mouth, the realization that Jace only cared because he was missing out on training making Simon’s already dark mood even worse. Of course all he was good for was being used as a moving target. He had sent Jace a rather short and abrupt text, a flimsy excuse as to why he hadn’t shown up. Normally he would ramble on, even in texts but he couldn’t come up with a worthwhile reason and he honestly couldn’t be bothered to think up some elaboration lie so he had just stuck with being vague and hoped that Jace wouldn’t pry. It seemed to work, Jace sending back a simple ‘ok’ and Simon had deflated, throwing his phone across the room and through his open bedroom door, the thing thankfully landing on his bed though it lacked the satisfying smash he had been after. That’s were it had stayed, untouched and unwanted until Simon had crawled into bed early the next morning and found it dead and tangled in his sheets. He hadn’t charged it for two days.

That had been the last time he had had anything to do with Jace. Simon was used to talking to the other man every day if not seeing him but now there was nothing and his life felt oddly empty without Jace there to fill the silence. He missed Jace, more than he had thought possible and Simon found himself desperate for any bit of information to do with the man. He knew he was annoying his friends, especially Izzy, with his constant questioning about the other shadowhunter but he needed to know and as he couldn’t go directly to the source he had to get the information from somewhere. Izzy had snapped at him the other day, refusing to tell him anything else to do with Jace and informing him that if he wanted to know he could go ask Jace himself but they both knew he wouldn’t. Jace didn’t want him in his life, didn’t need him and Simon wasn’t about to force his presence on someone who didn’t want him just because he couldn’t get his own pathetic crush under control.

Nervously Simon shifted, his hands clenching on his thighs as he tried not to dwell too much on the blonde currently missing from his life. Above him Izzy sighed, her hand stilling from where she was in the process of applying a worrying amount of eyeliner. “Sorry,” he mumbled, making an effort to go as still as he could so as not to end up looking like a pander. He hadn’t even realized what he was agreeing to when Izzy had asked about putting some makeup on him, his attention completely focused on looking around for Jace and trying to figure out how he was going to avoid him all night whilst also not staring at him all heart broken and longingly. It was his own fault for not paying attention and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her no when she had pushed him down onto her bed and came at him with her makeup bag and a wide smile.

It wasn’t that big of a deal though. Izzy had seemed happy when he agreed and if he could at least make someone happy then he would endure it. Plus he knew that if it looked bad she would get rid of it before anyone else could see him like it. Like the gluten for punishment he was Simon couldn’t help but wonder what Jace would think. He already knew that Jace thought his normal sense of fashion was nerdy and a little to teenage boy but this was different, Simon had put actual effort into his outfit tonight and he couldn’t help but wonder if Jace would approve of it.

Izzy had said he looked hot but she had said that the last time he wore a suit, claiming that it was a good look for him. Raphael had been over the moon about that, well as much as his normally stoic self could be. He had gifted Simon a few suits after that, insisting that if he wanted anyone to take him seriously he would need to ditch the band tees, skinny jeans and hoodie combo he lived in. Simon of course had tried to decline but one look from the then vampire and he had promptly shut up and taken them, never planning on putting another one on unless it was for another wedding or something like this. The suit he had picked for tonight was one of Raphael’s, the cut having been altered to fit Simon at the other mans insistence.

Right up until he was getting ready Simon had been planning on wearing a black suit, whit shirt combo, something simple and not at all likely to draw attention to himself but stood in front of his wardrobe his eyes had been drawn to the deep red fabric and he had thought why not. Why shouldn’t he draw attention to himself? He knew he looked good in it and wearing a suit always made him feel more confident. Clary had used to call it his boss outfit and when Simon had pulled the thing on and looked at himself in the mirror he had felt like the boss, like he could take on anyone and everything, including Jace but all that confidence had gone out the window as soon as he had stepped foot inside the institute, his nerves and anxiety coming back ten fold.

Shifting slightly, Simon cracked the eye open that Izzy wasn’t currently working on, taking in the look of concentration she was wearing. She looked gorgeous, her dress black lace with a plunging neckline to show of her ample cleavage and a slit up one side of the skirt. Her angelic power rune was perfectly framed, her long dark hair curled slightly and tumbling over her bare shoulders, her own eye makeup done to perfection and her lips an enticing blood red. She was stunning but Simon always thought she was and once again he felt that little pang of regret that they hadn’t worked out. It would have been so easy with her, had been whilst it lasted but Simon’s heart wanted what it wanted and that was a blonde pretty boy who was an insensitive asshole that didn’t love him back. Well at least he was consistent, though falling for yet another friend who couldn’t see his devotion to them was a habit he didn’t wish to carry on through his long life.

“Is erm, Jace coming tonight?” Simon winced at how pathetic he sounded, Isabelle only just managing to move the eyeliner brush out of the way before it could end up smudged across his cheek. “Simon,” she chastised softly and he offered her up an uneasy smile. “Sorry,” he apologized again, letting his eyes fall closed once more and tipping his head back to give her better access to his eyes. He was apologizing to her a lot lately, to the point he was seriously considering getting the two words printed on a t-shirt so he could just point at his chest in the future. Sighing Izzy’s grip tightened on his jaw, holding his head still as she went back to applying the black liquid to his eyes.

They stayed in silence whilst she finished, Simon trying to concentrate on her slow and steady heartbeat so his mind didn’t wander but it was difficult, even with the distraction. He felt on edge, his whole body thrumming with his nerves and being forced to sit still wasn’t helping. He wanted to get up and pace, to ramble a mile a minuet and try and burn off some of his nervous energy. Most of all though he wanted to run, as far away as he could as fast as he could because he wasn’t ready for this, to face Jace with his angry, judgmental eyes and harsh words that left Simon feeling like he was somehow less. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough and then he would finally have some distance between him and the young adult supernatural drama his life had become and maybe then he would finally be able to breath, metaphorically speaking that is.

“Done,” Izzy announced, letting go of Simon’s chin and taking a step back. Simon’s eyes slowly fluttered open, his eyelids feeling strangely heavy with the makeup on. Izzy was beaming at him, her eyes practically alight but Simon couldn’t tell if it was with amusement or because she was happy with how he looked. He would think it was amusement because Simon really didn’t think he would be able to rock the whole makeup wearing, bi fashion icon look like Magnus did. “On a scale of one to ten, one being slightly and ten being never show my face in publicly again, how stupid do I look?” Simon asked, finally letting his posture go lax now he didn’t have to worry about messing up his face. Izzy huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Why don’t you have a look and you tell me.” She stepped to the side, gesturing towards the full length mirror in the corner of her room.

With a groaned Simon pushed himself up off the bed, giving Izzy an unimpressed look as he walked past her towards the mirror. If he looked stupid why couldn’t she just tell him, instead of making him acknowledge how ridiculous he looked and making that image stay with him for the rest of his extremely long life? He kept his eyes on Izzy as he stepped up to the mirror, trying to prolong the obvious embarrassment he was sure was coming his way. Her smile softened, tipping her head forward slightly and looking at Simon in that mix of fond exasperation that he was so used to. “Seriously, how bad is it? Are we talking Brandon Lee in The Crow bad or Alice Cooper bad because even though they may seem similar one is definitely worse than the other and I think I deserve to know what I’ve gotten myself into,” Simon rambled, the words as they often did just rushing out of him in one breath. “Simon,” Izzy laughed, looking at him pointedly and gesturing towards the mirror. “Fine, don’t tell me but if I look like Alice Cooper I’m telling Magnus you were the one who spilt coffee in his Dolce and Gabbana jacket.” Simon pointed at her, his head inclined forward slightly and giving her a pointed look. Izzy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes at him once more. “Would you just look already.” Taking a deep breath Simon readied himself for the utter ridiculousness that was about to greet him and turned to the mirror.

Oh.

Oh wow.

Simon had been expecting pander eyes and to resemble an overzealous goth who though more was better but he was pleasantly surprised, looking more like 2012 era Adam Lambert then he had been prepared for. With his tailored suit and hair slicked back Simon looked good, really good and he couldn’t quite believe it. “So, what do you think?” Izzy asked, stepping up next to him and smiling smugly. Simon lifted his chin up slightly, running his hands down the lapped of his suit jacket before doing up the button. “Not bad Lightwood,” he said, trying to go for indifferent and slightly bored but he wasn’t sure he quite pulled it off. “Just one last thing and then you’ll be good to go.” She uncapped a light colored lip gloss as she spoke and Simon wordlessly turned towards her, parting his lips slightly and holding his breath as she used her finger to smooth it across his lips. Izzy stepped back, her eyes flickering across Simon’s outfit, “perfect.”

“You ready?” Izzy asked over her shoulder, effortlessly gliding through the room and towards the door. Simon took one last look at his appearance in the mirror, happy that he still looked presentable and up to Raphael’s standards. He was sure the once vampire would be satisfied with how well Simon looked, all those hours of chastising him about his personal style and making him iron his suits having payed off. “Yeah,” he sighed, tearing his eyes away from his reflection and following after her. Realistically he wasn’t ready at all, the thought of all those people he would have to interact with not filling him with a great deal of confidence but it was still the thought of having to face Jace that terrified him the most. He wanted to see Jace, he did but he also didn’t and at the moment the urge to run was starting to win out but he had promised Izzy he would be here and he wouldn’t let her down, even if it did make him feel a little uncomfortable.

Resigned to his fate Simon was about to step through the door when Izzy stopped him, placing her hand on his chest to keep him in place. Frowning he looked down at her only to find her playful smile gone and a look of seriousness having taken over. “Jace will be there tonight and I know that you and him are having difficulties at the moment but he’s trying.” Simon scowled at that. Having difficulties was putting it lightly. Jace was being an insensitive ass on a good day and out right mean on a bad one and apart from living his life like Jace had pre Clary Simon didn’t understand why he was suddenly being treated with such hostility.

“The only thing he’s trying to do is be an asshole and he’s succeeding,” Simon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking past Izzy and down the empty hallway. He could here the sound of party goes downstairs, the gentle sound of music filtering up along with the faint murmur of conversation. He wanted to get this over and done with and the sooner they got downstairs the sooner Simon would be able to make his escape after a couple of hours but Izzy deciding to talk about Simon’s biggest worry now was pushing his longed for escape further and further away. “Just give him a chance, you know he isn’t good with expressing his emotions and though he may not say it he has missed you.”

Simon’s head jerked back round at her words, eyes wide in surprise and not quite believing what she had said. Jace missed him, missed Simon and though that had his dead heart soaring he couldn’t quite believe it. If Jace missed him so much, if he had cared enough in the first place then why had he pushed Simon away? Jace had done this to himself, had made it clear that he didn’t want Simon around and he had given him the space he wanted. No Jace hadn’t missed him, he couldn’t have but Simon had missed him almost the same way he had missed the sun after he was first turned because Jace was bright and warm just like the sun and everything seemed duller and colder without him around. No Jace didn’t miss him because if he did it just made everything worse and Simon really just wanted to move on with his life right now and get over Jace Herondale before he was driven mad by it all.

“Fine,” he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side. He would be polite and friendly just as long as Jace offered him the same courtesy but the moment he started something Simon was leaving. He didn’t have to put up with it just because he was in love with the guy and he owed it to himself to have a little self respect to realise that. “Thank you,” Izzy smiled softly and Simon started to feel a little guilty about the fact he wasn’t planning on giving Jace an opportunity to make Simon give him a chance. If the last few weeks had taught him anything it was that he need to get a grip of his life and move on. It’s why he had practically jumped at the opportunity to go to London, answering so quickly that he had cut Alec off half way through explaining why they wanted him to go in the first place.

Alec had seemed a little hesitant about asking him to go but Simon had been adamant that he would take the job seriously and wouldn’t come back until he had resolved the situation. Alec was still kind of reluctant about all of it though and Simon had tried to assure him the best he could that he wouldn’t let the other man down and thanked him for giving him the opportunity to actually do something like this. Simon had gone home and started researching everything he could, even going as far as to contact the London institute as well as the vampire clans. He had a whole folder full of preliminary information and already had a rapport going with Dorian, the shadowhunter he would be dealing with and Elizabeth, the second in command of the London clans. He was confident he could help resolve their issues with hopefully little to no bloodshed and having something else to focus on would hopefully help him begin to move on with this life. He had a lot of it ahead of him after all and he really didn’t want to spend the next sixty or so years pinning after a man who he couldn’t have.

“Shall we?” he asked, offering Izzy his arm. “What a gentleman,” she smiled, linker her arm through his as Simon offered her a crooked smile in return. As they made their way down stairs Simon tried not to think about Jace or let his eyes frantically dart around the banquet hall for any sign of the blonde man but it was difficult not to, Simon hyper aware that he could be anywhere. He let Izzy lead him into the middle of the room, listening as she told him who was who and why they had been invited, whispering low enough for him to pick up with his vampire hearing so as not to alert anyone else to what she was saying because a lot of it was gossip and probably wouldn’t go over that well.

It was easy enough, the two of them working their way around the room and making introductions. Simon had been surprised how many people had known who he was and had wanted to meet him, asking him his opinion on downworlder matters that he felt completely under qualified to even be talking about let alone have an opinion on. Izzy stayed by his side though, acting as a buffer when his anxiety started to get the better of him. At some point they got sucked into a conversation with another shadowhunter that Simon had never meet before, his accent thick and his English a little broken. Izzy seemed to know who he was though and the two of them dissolved into a rather serious conversation about how best to run an institute. Simon tried to pay attention, he really did but he soon found his interest slipping as his gaze began to wonder.

There were so many people, talking and drinking and uncaring that the down world was mixing with the shadow one. Vampires were talking to werewolves, warlocks and sorceress deep in conversations with shadowhunters and seelie’s just effortlessly floating around the room and drawing everyone in. It was truly something to behold considering just a few short years ago you would have struggled to get any of them in a room together let alone willingly talking and being friendly with one another. Alec had done an amazing job with the alliance and he more then deserved his promotion to inquisitor.

As he continued to look around Simon’s thoughts began to stray, seemingly unable to stop himself from remembering the last time he had seen Jace and everything that had come after.

When Jace had unceremoniously sent him away all those weeks go Simon had welcomed Tyler into his home and his bed. It had been angry and aggressive, Simon covered in bruises and scratch marks and what might have been a fractured wrist but he had wanted it to hurt, wanted one pain to cover up another and the werewolf had provided that but once he was done, leaving Simon face down in his bed and covered in both their cum he hadn’t felt any kind of satisfaction. He had just laid there, staring out his window and watching the sun set and knowing full well he needed to get up and wash the evidence of his tryst off yet not being able to find the motivation to do so. Instead he had thought about Jace, about the sudden change of his attitude towards Simon and what he could have possibly done to trigger it. It had taken him five hours to drag himself out of his bed and get clean, another hour after that to change his sheets, though he had considered just burning them.

Sleeping with Tyler had been a mistake, a decision born of anger and hurt and Simon regretted acting so rashly. He had stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, telling himself he wasn’t going to let Jace get to him, nor let his emotions dictate his actions. He was going to give Jace the Simon free life he wanted and he was going to get on with his own life and not let one person’s rotten attitude force him into changing his lifestyle. Of course that little pep talk had lasted all of an hour and what he actually had done was wallow in self-pity and heartbreak.

Simon had spent almost a week locked in his apartment, laying around and clutching the pieces of his broken heart. He hadn’t gone out anywhere, hadn’t answered any calls, nor any of Maia’s insistent banging on his apartment door. About two days in he had managed to send a quick text to Izzy and Maia saying he was fine, just busy with vampire stuff witch wasn’t untrue. He was a vampire and he was busy doing stuff, like contemplating packing a bag and making a run for it. He had enough money saved up that he thought he would be able to make it to Ohio if not Michigan if he budgeted like crazy but that was just a stupid little fantasy for when he was feeling at his lowest.

After that first week Simon had had no choice but to go out. Maia was refusing to bring him any blood and despite how crappy he was feeling Simon didn’t want to end up starving himself and attacking his neighbors. So reluctantly he had trudged off to the Hunters Moon getting a full ten minute lecture about his childish sulking before Maia would hand over his order. She had had a point though, Simon was being childish and over dramatic. If Clary had been there she would have allowed him maybe a day to wallow before bursting into his apartment and dragging his pathetic ass out into the real world and making a start on forgetting the boy who had broken his heart, even unknowingly. Of course if Clary had been there she and Jace would be madly in love still and Simon would probably still be with Izzy. It had been enough though, Simon resolute in his decision to put Jace and his shitty attitude behind him and he had put in every effort to get back to normal. Well as normal as his life could be considering it had a rather large Jace sized hole in it.

Simon hadn’t slept with anyone since Tyler, hadn’t even made an attempt to so much as flirt with anyone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had just kind of gone that way. It probably didn’t help that whenever he found someone attractive he could here Jace in his head, judging him as he sneered out ‘band practice huh’. It was an instant mood killer, Simon turning his attention else where and feeling guilty for so much as looking at some. A ridiculous thought really because he didn’t have a reason to feel guilty. It wasn’t like he was dating anyone.

Instead he had slipped back into his old self, surrounding himself with his comics and video games but most importantly his music. He had tried to write some of his book but he couldn’t find it in him to do so but his music stuck with him and Simon found himself composing one song after another. They were mostly about love, about heartbreak and letting go and how unrequited love could ruin a friendship. He poured everything into his music, finding it cathartic to get it all out. It still didn’t change the fact that the thought of seeing Jace still terrified him. Didn’t change the fact that Simon loved him and missed him, whilst also being so incredibly mad at him at the same time. It didn’t change anything but it gave Simon an outlet because he still couldn’t bring himself to say out loud everything that Jace had come to mean to him, except in his music that is. His music spoke of everything Simon couldn’t and right now that was enough for him.

“Look at him Alec.” Simon’s head snapped round at the angry hiss, yanked from his thoughts like a fish on a hook. He would recognize that voice anywhere. Jace was facing away from him, looking up at Alec who looked like he had smelled something bad as he gestured behind him towards were Simon stood. Everything else vanished, the world around him going silent as his smile fell and he watched as Alec dragged his eyes across him before smirking only to have it fall into a scowl as Jace jabbed a finger at him, clearly angry about something. No not something, someone. He was angry about Simon and that had his insides twisting painfully.

Simon had thought he was ready for that, thought he would have been able to handle Jace not wanting him there but he had been wrong. The anger directed towards him had been shocking, leaving Simon feeling like he should make his excuses and leave before he managed to make things any worse than they already were. He hated it, hated that he cared so much about Jace that he was willing to ditch his other friends even though Jace clearly didn’t return the sentiment. He didn’t deserve the hostility, the anger and casual meanness that Jace had been directing at him for the past month. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t causing any problems and he most certainly hadn’t done anything that Jace hadn’t done himself. If Jace wanted to be an asshole then fine, that was his prerogative but Simon wasn’t about to stand there and take it. He had promised to give Jace a chance but clearly the other man didn’t want one so Simon wouldn’t give him the opportunity. He wasn’t about to change who he was because one person took issue with what he did in his spare time and if Jace couldn’t see past his own pettiness and fragile ego then that was his problem not Simon’s.

With a new determination to prove to Jace that whatever it was going on between them hadn’t effected him in the slightest Simon turned back to Izzy, letting the sound rush back in as he focused on her and the shadowhunter before them. He placed his hand on the small of her back, angling his body closer to hers and leant in. “Please tell me I’m not this boring when I ramble because if I am just stake me now and put everyone out of their misery,” he whispered, delighting in the startled laugh it got him. He pulled away with a wide smile, the other shadowhunter looking confused for just a moment before he carried on talking like nothing had happened. Smiling Simon managed to snag a glass of blood off a passing waiter, glad of something to keep his hand busy as the feeling of being watched had his skin tingling. He didn’t need to look to know who it was watching him and he didn’t want to look either, didn’t want to see the look of disgust he knew would greet him if he did. Instead he took a sip of the room warm blood, keeping his attention on the man before him. He wouldn’t give Jace the satisfaction of letting him know he was getting to him.

Everything was kind of a blur after that. Simon went out of his way to make sure he was never alone, flitting from one conversation to the next. He never once looked up at Jace despite almost constantly being able to feel his gaze boring into the side of his head and after about an hour he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even really registering it any more. Izzy had left him not long after their conversation with the other shadowhunter had ended, having been distracted by a seelie who wanted to talk about their part in the alliance. Simon couldn’t blame her, the man had been kind of beautiful but all seelie’s were and if Simon had been her he would have ditched him to.

Despite his reservations about the party Simon had found himself actually enjoying himself once he finally relaxed a little. He was surprised by how easy he found it on his own, actually managing not to ramble too much and hold rather adult and serious conversations. It gave him confidence that when he got to London he wouldn’t screw things up and prove Alec right that he shouldn’t have sent him in the first place.

As the night passed Simon found himself in the company of a seelie, the two of them talking about music and art but it didn’t take long for Simon to realise she was flirting with him. She was pretty, just like all seelie were, with a slight green shimmer to her skin that Simon found appealing. He wanted to know if it went all the way down or stopped just under the edges of her clothing. Her hair was long and curled, the soft red strands tumbling over her shoulders and her eyes green like fresh grass. She reminded him of the old seelie queen when she had been in her older form and a little like Clary to though she lacked the same fierce glint in her eyes that Clary had had. That probably should have put him off but instead it spurred him on, a sense of familiarity settling in that was just pathetic, even for him.

As far as ideas went it was a bad one but she was beautiful and Simon was lonely. He didn’t want to go home alone to his apartment tonight, didn’t want to be left alone with his doubts and insecurities. He didn’t stop her when she moved into his personal space, her hand lightly gliding up his chest to finger his tie as she smiled coyly up at him. Simon was good at this, had had enough practice over the last year to know how these things went and what was expected of him. Smiling he gripped her waist with one hand, pulling her closer to him so he could lean in and whisper in her ear. His lips brushed against her ear, Simon about to ask if she wanted to leave with him, maybe find a nice piece of moon drenched woodland to get to know each other better in when strong hands grabbed at his hips, pulling Simon away from her and back into a solid chest.

Simon made a small surprised squeak that he would deny latter, going stiff in the strangers hold. It wasn’t that Simon was opposed to these kinds of things but the seelie hadn’t given him any indication she was with anyone else so that could only mean that this guy was taking liberties and putting his hands where they weren’t wanted. Simon scowled, pulling in a deep breath to tell the guy he had ten seconds to let go or he was losing a hand when he got a lungful of sunshine and leather. A familiar voice rumbled against his ear and Simon stopped breathing, his entire body shutting down.

“There you are.” Jace’s voice was a low rumble, his lips brushing against Simon’s cheek as he spoke and sending shivers down his spine. He didn’t know what was happening, his words failing him as Jace pressed in closer. Out of all the possible things that could have happened tonight, Jace’s sudden clingy-ness was not something Simon would have placed bets on. He was so warm, his natural heat sinking through Simon’s suit and warming his cold skin, the shadowhunters smell invading all his senses. He had missed this and having it now had him feeling like he had been dying of dehydration all this time they had been apart and suddenly he had been dunked into a lake, gasping and gulping water down as he drowned.

In front of him the seelie smirked, arching an amused eyebrow at the pair of them and Simon offered her an apologetic smile, not really sure what the hell was going on. “Hey Jace, I’m erh kind of in the middle of something dude,” he laughed nervously. Simon tried to come off as casual, as if the last few weeks hadn’t happened and they were the same as they had been then, close friends who were a little too familiar with one another but his body was stiff, his voice strained and his hand spasming on the seelie’s waist as he fought the urge to shove Jace off him.

Turning his head Simon tried to look round at the blonde behind him but Jace didn’t pull away like he thought he would and all it did was drag his lips across Simon’s cheek and put them dangerously close to Simon’s own. He quickly jerked his head back round, eyes wide and swallowing loudly. If he was still alive Simon had no doubt he would be flushed bright red now, his heart slamming away painfully in his chest and his palms sweating as he tried and failed to stay calm. Thankfully being dead prevented any of that from happening and Simon was left with just trying to get his facial features under control. He hadn’t been ready to find Jace’s face so close and the almost accidental brush of lips had Simon feeling both panicked and kind of giddy. He suddenly felt like his twelve year old self again, getting his first kiss in a game of spin the bottle at Mandy Moor’s thirteenth birthday party. It wasn’t an experience he was too thrilled about reliving.

“Your always busy, with your little band practice,” Jace grumbled the last couple of words, sounding bitter and if Simon didn’t know any better jealous but that couldn’t be right. Jace didn’t even like him right now so there was no way he would be jealous of what Simon had been up to, unless that was it. Maybe that was what the issue had been all along and Jace was angry that Simon had encroached on his reputation, getting one of his own to rival that of the blondes. “No different to book club angel boy,” Simon said tersely, rolling his shoulder back to jostle the man behind him in an attempt to get him off. Jace huffed, tilting his head down to drag his lips along Simon’s neck and hands tightening on his hips. “It’s different cos it’s you,” he grumbled and Simon didn’t know whether to be offended or not. Everyone always assumed Simon was a nerdy sexless idiot but he had skills, had gotten Clary, Maia and Izzy into bed before he had even honed them so yeah Jace could shove it.

Before he could tell Jace where he could shove it the seelie sighed, drawing his attention back to her. She didn’t look angry but she didn’t look happy either. “You seem like you have your hands full daylighter, another time perhaps.” She cupped Simon’s other cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips but before she could get close enough Jace growled, low and threatening and she jerked back, eyes wide with surprise that was probably mirrored by Simon’s own look of shock. “Back off,” he snarled, hooking his chin over Simon’s shoulder and jerking him back against him until his entire back was pressing against Jace’s front. There wasn’t even a breath between them now, Simon able to feel every inch of Jace’s well defined muscles against his back and it was almost enough to distract him from whatever the hell it was that Jace had just done.

She scowled at Jace, huffing before storming off, flicking her long hair over her shoulder as she went. “What the hell dude?” Simon hissed, jerking out of Jace’s hold and whirling round to glare at the other man. Jace looked annoyed, his eyes a little glassy and a slight flush to his cheeks and that probably should have sent up a red flag but Simon was too pissed off to really care right now. How dare he come over here after weeks of nothing, after treating Simon like shit and act like he had some sort of right over his time and who he spent it with. Simon wanted to hit him, wanted to push and shove him away and demand that he just stop, whatever this was that he was doing but Izzy and Magnus had put so much effort into the party, Alec having poured his heart and soul into the alliance and Simon wouldn’t be the one to mess all of that hard work up, regardless of how much he wanted to slap some sense into Jace right now.

“She wasn’t your type,” Jace huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, turning his head to look out across the room and pouting like the spoiled brat he was. Simon scowled at him, mimicking his pose and holding his head up high. “Really, and you know what is?” Simon scoffed. Jace was being ridiculous and Simon couldn’t understand why. He turned back to Simon, his eyes flickering over him before making eye contact. “Yes,” he said seriously and Simon just blinked at him, unsure of how to take the simple but confident answer. Something was off, even more so than had been over the last month and he needed to find out what before they dissolved into a full blown argument that they wouldn’t be able to come back from.

Narrowing his eyes Simon stepped into Jace’s space, ducking his head down till their noses were almost touching. Jace’s lips parted slightly as he pulled in a breath, his head tilting as his tongue poked out to wet his lips, angling his mouth more towards Simon’s as if he was expecting a kiss but that was ridiculous. Jace wouldn’t ever want to kiss him. Simon sucked in a breath, tasting Jace’s own as he breathed out and instantly he jerked back. “Dude are you drunk?” he hissed in disbelief, looking at the blonde with disapproval. Jace didn’t really drink all that much any more but when he did it was only a beer or two, nothing that would leave him with anything more then a pleasant buzz. He hadn’t gotten this drunk since just after Clary left and Simon had to carry him back to the institute because he couldn’t stand. That had not been a fun night and Jace had gotten better afterwards so why the hell was he suddenly going back to old habits?

Jace shrugged, his gaze flickering off to the side and looking very much like he was sulking. “You left me on my own,” he mumbled, his gaze flickering briefly back to Simon as if to gage his reaction. Simon felt a sharp stab of guilt at that. As much as he had been angry with the other man, hurt by Jace cutting him out of his life Simon had been just as bad. The blame went both ways, Simon not having even tried to talk to Jace, had even gone out of his way to avoid him. He knew Jace had abandonment issues, they had spoken about it before but in his anger and pain he hadn’t even stopped to consider how Simon’s silence would have affected him. He felt like an ass, and though he was still angry with how Jace had treated him it lessened slightly, instead turning inwards.

Sighing Simon eyed Jace wearily. He had told Izzy he would give him a chance and even though he had been adamant that he wouldn’t and give Jace the opportunity to hurt him again Simon could feel his resolve crumbling. He was weak when it came to Jace and even if he was drunk and acting like an idiot Simon still couldn’t help but give into him. “Thought you didn’t need me?” he asked, a bitter edge to his words because that still hurt and there was no way of hiding that. Jace turned back to him looking directly into Simon’s eyes. “I always need you,” Jace said in all seriousness and Simon’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Jace took Simon’s stunned silence as some kind off permission, unfolding his arms and grabbing hold of Simon’s hips once more, pulling him forward until they were pressed together again. Simon didn’t know what to do, his mind reeling as Jace leant forward, running the tip of his nose along Simon’s jaw and following its path with his lips, all the way up to his ear. “Want you,” Jace rumbled, voice a low purr as he sucked Simon’s earlobe into his mouth and nipped gently at it. Simon’s hands darted out, curling around Jace’s biceps and he let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, his eyes falling shut at the sudden sensation. He felt Jace smirk against the spot behind his ear, his breath hot against his cold skin as he pulled Simon tighter against him.

“Simon,” Jace groaned. Simon’s eyes snapped open, the sound of his own name snapping him out of his daze. What was he doing? What was Jace doing? This was all so strange and jarring, Simon feeling like he had somehow stumbled into a parallel universe without having even noticed. Jace was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing and here Simon was taking advantage of his inebriated state. Jace wasn’t even into guys, was probably just confused and out of it, not even realizing what he was doing to Simon. It didn’t matter that Simon had been dreaming of having this kind of attention from Jace for years now, it wasn’t right and as the only sober one out of the two of them he needed to take control of the situation before Jace did something he couldn’t take back and then there really wasn’t any chance of salvaging what was left of their friendship.

Taking a deep breath Simon tightened his grip on Jace’s arms, holding him in place as he stepped back and out of Jace’s grasp. He ignored the annoyed whine Jace let out and the pout, instead focusing on a point somewhere by Jace’s right ear. “You’re drunk and as your friend it is my duty to stop you from doing something you’ll regret in the morning and this is definitely something you are going to regret.” Jace huffed, grabbing Simon’s elbows and attempting to pull him forward but Simon held his ground, refusing to let the space between them get any smaller. “The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner,” Jace grumbled, tugging on Simon’s arms once more.

Simon groaned, eyes closing and his head falling forward to hang between his arms. This couldn’t be happening, not now. Jace was drunk, Simon could smell the whiskey heavy on his breath and he knew that people said and did things they didn’t necessarily mean when they were to far under the influence but this was just cruel, dangling what Simon wanted most right in front of his face all the while knowing it wasn’t real, wasn’t actually his to have. He wanted to cry, wanted to go home and hide under his blankets and just will the last ten minutes out of existence but first he had to get Jace out of here. They were still friends and Simon wouldn’t leave him down here completely hammered and vulnerable for someone else to take advantage of.

“We need to get you to bed,” Simon stated as he looked up, his voice a lot more confident then he felt. Jace was smirking at him, all confidence and self satisfaction, like he had won something when in reality all he was getting was Simon dragging his drunk ass back up the stairs and dumping him on his bed before making a quick escape. “That was fast, even for a vampire,” Jace leered, winking at him and all Simon could do was stare at him for a long few seconds before sorting and rolling his eyes at the bad joke. “Yeah. Okay Casanova let’s go.” Simon let go of Jace’s arms to turn him around and urge him forward but before he could even take a step towards the doors Jace’s hand darted out, grabbing Simon’s and interlacing their fingers. Confused Simon stared at their joint hands like it was an alien life form. He had touched Jace plenty of times before and they had held hand for a brief few seconds when Simon first came to the institute but this, this was something on a whole different level. “Come on Simon,” Jace insisted, tugging him forward and dumbly he followed, still staring at their joint hands and mumbling a distracted “yeah.”

It was easy enough getting Jace across the room, the blonde going willingly and beaming brightly the whole time. He stumbled a few times, his attention seeming to slip from the task of walking but Simon was there, using his vampire speed to righten him before he even got a chance to even notice his mistake. Jace stayed close to him the whole time, invading Simon’s personal space like it was a normal occurrence and not seeming to even care they were still holding hands when that was all Simon could think of, convinced everyone was staring at them and whispering about things that just weren’t true. It didn’t help matters that Jace kept leaning in, trying to steal kisses that Simon was trying his hardest to avoid.

About half way across the room Simon had caught sight of Alec watching them, his dark eyes tracking their movements with an amused smirk curling up one side of his mouth. Feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t by a teacher Simon quickly tugged his hand free of Jace’s grip, letting his hand fall to his side. Jace had looked at him in a mix of confusion and annoyance, Simon finding the look kind of adorable on the other man but it didn’t last, Jace smirking as he slipped up next to Simon and wrapped his arm around Simon’s back. He didn’t even hesitate to slip his hand up under Simon’s suit jacket, his fingers dangerously close to slipping under the waistband of his trousers as he rubbed small circles into his lower back. It had Simon gritting his jaw, biting down on the angry demand that Jace let him go. If he had been sure that Jace wouldn’t throw up on him he would have chucked him over his shoulder and used his vampire speed to get him to his room just so he could escape this sudden hell he had found himself in quicker.

The stairs turned out to be an obstacle to much for Jace. He stumbled over almost every other step, Simon having no choice but to wrap his arm around the other mans waist whilst Jace slung his arm across his shoulders, just to keep him upright. Jace laughed like it was the best thing ever, turning his head into Simon’s neck and humming as he nuzzled him, uncaring that Simon was practically carrying his up the stairs. “S’posed to tell you, you pretty,” Jace mumbled as Simon managed to get his door open. “Thanks,” Simon answered, not really paying attention as he continued to lead Jace across the room to his bed, a bed Simon had slept in more than once and knew was ridiculously comfortable. That had apparently been the wrong thing to say though because Jace dug his heels in, refusing to go any further into room. “Dude come on, you need to work with me here,” he groaned, turning to look at Jace only to find him frowning sadly down at the floor.

“You don’t think I’m pretty.” Simon stared at Jace as his frown deepened, not really understand what was happening. “What?” Jace huffed, shrugging out of Simon’s hold. “You didn’t say it back,” he grumbled, shakily taking a few steps towards his bed and shrugging his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. Simon followed after him, snatching the discarded item of clothing off the floor and throwing it onto the bed. “You know you’re pretty,” Simon grumbled, finally starting to get annoyed with the other man. He didn’t want to be talking about how pretty Jace was just to give the man an ego boost that he probably wouldn’t even remember when he awoke the next morning.

“But you don’t,” Jace snapped as he turned back to face Simon, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling. “Why does it matter?” Simon yelled, instantly feeling bad as hurt flashed through Jace’s eyes before he dropped his gaze back to the floor. He looked so sad, frowning down at the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself. Simon was being an asshole, lashing out because he felt caged in and to close to being exposed. He was doing exactly what he had been angry at Jace for doing and that wasn’t okay. “Of course I think you’re pretty,” Simon sighed, reigned to his fate and only hoping that Jace wouldn’t hate him for this come morning.

Jace’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and full of hope. Groaning in frustration Simon shoved a hand through his hair, uncaring that he was messing it up. Now that he had started he couldn’t stop, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a calm steady stream of honesty. “I think you look petty first thing in the morning when your hairs a mess and you’re still half asleep and grumpy because you haven’t had your coffee yet. I think you’re beautiful when you fight, all quick and sure movements full of such power and grace. I think you’re handsome when you’re playing the piano and your hair falls in front of your face because you didn’t put any gel in it and you’re smiling because you remembered something good for once. I think you’re stunning when you…oomph.” Simon didn’t get to finish what he had been saying, Jace surging forward and pressing his lips against Simon’s and effectively cutting off his rambling with a bruising kiss.

He stumbled backwards, his arms warping round Jace out of instinct as he tried to balance their weight. Jace didn’t seem to care, wrapping his arms around Simon’s neck and burying his hands in his hair, pressing his lips harder against Simon’s. It was a shock, Simon’s mind going blank for a split second before he was pushing back and returning the kiss, matching Jace’s desperation with his own. It was hard and demanding and completely uncoordinated but it was Jace and Simon found himself unable to care. He gripped tighter at his waist, burying his own hand into the silken blonde strands at the back of his head, holding him closer as he swiped his tongue across Jace’s lips. With a muffled moan Jace granted him entrance, allowing the kiss to be deepened. He tasted like whiskey, sharp and bitter as Simon explored his mouth but underneath that was something unequally Jace and Simon was hungry for more.

He hadn’t even realised his fangs had dropped, not till Jace’s tongue dragged across them with a moan and the sharp metallic tang of blood flooded his mouth. Simon jerked back, the reality of the situation making itself known even as his ever present hunger demanded more. He shouldn’t be doing this, not now, not with Jace drunk and vulnerable. Jace whined, trying to chase Simon’s lips but he craned his neck backwards in an attempt to avoid him. That had been a mistake, Jace deciding to abandon the kiss and instead pressing his lips to Simon’s exposed neck. It was his turn to moan and rather loudly at that. Simon’s neck had always been sensitive but even more so since he had been turned and he found himself clinging onto the back of Jace’s shirt as he nipped and sucked his way from one side of his neck to the other.

This was bad, so very very bad because Simon was getting hard, his arousal taking over as his mind failed to keep up with what was happening. Jace was invading all his senses, shutting down his rational mind and leaving him a pathetic, desperate mess. Simon wanted this, wanted to let the other man do whatever the hell he wanted to Simon, to hell with the consequences but he knew that come morning, if Jace woke up beside him that the realization of what they had done would ruin everything and Jace would never forgive him for letting it happen. Simon wouldn’t blame him, would in fact join Jace in hating him because it would be all his fault. He was the sober one here, had vampire strength and speed at his disposal and he never should have allowed it to get this far in the first place. He needed to leave and he needed to leave now before he took things too far.

“Jace wait,” Simon managed to get out, biting back the urge to moan as blunt teeth scrapped across his jaw. He felt Jace smile, the other man mumbling into his neck. “Been waiting long enough.” Simon didn’t have the chance to ask what the hell he was on about before he was being shoved backwards. The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Simon not even having noticed they had been moving towards it, to distracted by Jace’s lips to even care. He sprawled backwards, half laying and half way pushed up on his elbows but before he could push himself up he got a lap full of Jace, the blonde grinning as he straddled Simon’s thighs.

“I like having you under me,” he grinned, swooping down to steal another kiss even as Simon tried to splutter out some kind of protest. He didn’t know what was happening and Jace was everywhere, his tongue invading Simon’s mouth as his got Simon’s jacket open and his hands start to tug at his shirt, trying to free it from Simon’s trousers. “Always like having you under me,” Jace mumbled as he pulled away from Simon’s lips just long enough to pull in a breath before going back to seemingly trying to make Simon look like he had been mauled by a vampire, sucking and licking at his neck as he kissed his way from one side to the other.

“What?” Simon managed to gasp out. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Jace was saying because it couldn’t be what it sounded like to Simon. No, this was just some drunken exploration of sexuality and definitely not Jace implying that he found Simon attractive and had wanted to do anything even remotely like this when he was sober and clear headed. Oh but it was a wonderful thought and Simon desperately wanted it to be true. He wanted to pretend for just a moment, just a second of eternity that it was real, that Jace actually did like him like that and these past few weeks had been the idiot not handling his jealousy at finding out Simon had been sleeping with other people. Simon wanted to accept that as fact and be able to swallow down the mix of guilt and shame he currently felt at actually enjoying what was happening but it wasn’t because he knew better than to buy into his own deluded fantasies. So no this wasn’t real but it didn’t stop Simon from wanting it, from wanting Jace.

A hunger was taking over, his fangs refusing to go back in but Jace didn’t seem to care, his tongue pushing between Simon’s parted lips and kissing him as if he was just as hungry for Simon as he was Jace. He wanted to flip them over, wanted to map every inch of Jace’s body and leave him a shaking and gasping mess. He wanted Jace, wanted all of him and he wanted to give himself over to the shadowhunter in return and his resolve to put an end to this was rapidly dwindling with every shift of Jace’s ass against his almost painful erection, both of them moaning at the sensation. Simon wanted to devour Jace and that scared the hell out of him.

“Let me have you.” Jace’s nipped at Simon’s ear, purposely and slowly grinding down on Simon’s lap as he did so. He could feel the last little thread of reason slowly starting to fray and he knew if he didn’t get Jace to stop now he never would, giving into his own desires. “Jace stop, you’re not…ah!” Simon cried out as Jace bit down on his neck, hard. “Shit” he cursed, his hand darting up and fingers pressing against the bite mark to make sure Jace hadn’t broken the skin. That was the last thing he needed right now and despite it not being Simon’s fault Alec would definitely kill him if Jace ended up inthralled by him.

With the fear of Alec in him Simon gripped Jace’s shoulders and pushed him back, finally putting some distance between them, though considering Jace was still on his lap it wasn’t that much of a difference but those few extra inches left Simon feeling like he could breath finally. “Alright, that’s enough out you, you overgrown leach.” Simon’s neck felt warm, the bite mark throbbing in time to Jace’s racing pulse. Jace huffed, pouting as he crossed his arms over his chest. His cheeks were flushed red, his lips spit slick and kiss swollen and his eyes dark with arousal, his once perfectly styled hair now sticking up at odd angles thanks to Simon’s wondering hands. His shirt collar was undone, his tie pulled loose and it just added to the whole debauched angel look he had going on. Jace looked good, even better considering Simon had been the one responsible and he was finding it hard not to shove his hands back into Jace’s hair and pull him back in for a heated kiss to get more of those breathless and sinful sounds from him. “You let everyone else have you so why not me?” Jace grumbled.

It was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over him, the burning fire of his desire extinguished with just a few simple words. “What?” he croaked out, his voice cracking slightly and his grip on Jace’s shoulders going lax. Was that really how Jace saw him? Did he really think that Simon was the kind of guy who would fall into bed with anyone and everyone so why not let Jace have a go whilst he was at it? The thought made him feel sick, the blood he had been drinking all night turning into lead in his stomach. He felt dirt and used, worse so then the times he had slept with Tyler. At least then he had known what it was he was getting himself into, the werewolf having been upfront about what he wanted from their exchanges. Jace couldn’t even do that, couldn’t even give Simon a scrap of dignity, practically reducing him down to nothing more than a whore. He wasn’t even that though. They got paid for what they did and Jace wanted it for free, expected Simon to just spread his legs and be thankful that he had finally gotten to sleep with the blonde.

He hadn’t realized a dead heart could break but Simon felt it like a nail was being hammered into it and splitting the useless organ apart.

“It’s just sex Simon,” Jace mumbled, leaning back in to press more kisses along Simon’s neck and he just let him, not even feeling it. That’s all it was to Jace, wasn’t it? Just sex. Just a little relief and Simon had been a sure thing in his eyes because he had a reputation now. He slept around, it didn’t matter that he took his bed partners on dates or that he took the time to get to know them first. Simon was considered easy and that was enough for Jace who had been so sure that Simon wouldn’t care who it was he was falling into bed with just as long as he got a good fuck out of it. “Get off me,” he whispered, not even sure his voice was loud enough to be heard. If it was Jace chose to ignore him, using Simon’s lax state to start trailing kisses along his jaw once more, his hands dropping to his belt and something in him snapped as he felt the blonde tugging at the leather.

“GET OFF ME!” Simon yelled as he stood up, shoving Jace off him as he used vampire speed to make it half way across the room in the blink of an eye. The blonde fell to the floor with a painful thud, groaning as his ass hit the wooden floor. “What the hell Simon?” Jace snapped, glaring up at him even as he tried to push himself up, wincing at the pain. Normally Simon would be worried he had hurt him, would be spluttering out an apology but not now. Right now he hated the man before him and he wanted Jace to know it. “Me! What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed, his hands clenched at his sides and nails digging into his palms. Jace frowned, swaying slightly as he finally made it his feet. “I thought you…” Jace didn’t get a chance to finish, Simon snarling and cutting him off. “You thought what? That because I’ve slept with a few people I wouldn’t care who the hell I fucked? That you could tell me I was pretty and that would be enough to have me spreading my legs for you like some five dollar back alley whore?”

Jace’s eyes went wide, his flushed face paling noticeably. “Simon I…” he started but Simon once again cut him off, not wanting to give him time to try and charm his way out of the situation. “Well I have news for you asshole. Unlike you I still have some self respect and despite what you think I actually have standard.” The room fell into silence, Simon’s body tensed and breathing heavily whilst Jace looked at him like his whole world view had been shattered. Good. Simon wasn’t some push over any more and just because they had been friends didn’t mean Simon would take his bullshit.

When Jace failed to say anything, his mouth just flapping like a fish out of water Simon scoffed, spinning on the balls of his feet and heading for the door. “Wait,” came Jace’s desperate plea, warm fingers wrapping around Simon’s wrist and tugging him back wards. Simon spun back round, yanking his arm free of the other mans grasp and snarling, his fangs still on full display. His hands were still curled into fists and he didn’t even stop to think as he swung his arm round and slammed his fist into Jace’s jaw. He let out a startled cry, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet and ending sprawled across the floor once more. He looked up at Simon with shock, cradling the side of his face with one hand as he kept himself propped up with his other arm. “Do not touch me, ever again. You don’t have the right to put your hands on me.”

Simon strode across the room, grabbing the open door with every intention of leaving and never looking back but instead he came to a stop in the doorway, his grip tightening on the handle to the point he could hear the metal groaning under the pressure. He didn’t look back at Jace as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the closed door on the opposite side of the corridor, “and to think I actually though you cared about me but I really do mean that little to you don’t it? Guess I’ll never stop being that pathetic little tag along whose name you couldn’t even be bothered to learn.” There was a sharp intake of breath behind him, Jace’s heart stuttering slightly and he could swear he could smelt salt in the air. “Jokes on me I guess. I should have known then you’d break my heart.” Simon’s voice remained remarkably calm and cold, a hollow numbness seeming to take over him.

“Simon please I….” Simon slammed the door behind him, cutting off Jace’s desperate and panicked sounding plea. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say, not now, not ever if he was being honest. Behind

Track six: I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: It’s time for Jace to finally make his move on Simon, planning to grovel for his forgiveness before asking the vampire out on a date that was long overdue. It should be easy enough but Simon seems determined to keep out of Jace’s way and when a seelie starts to take an interest in the daylighter Jace’s jealousy gets the better of him.

<- previous

next ->

first

Jace felt sick.

Nervously he fiddled with his clothes, tugging his tie down to open the top two buttons of his shirt. He hated wearing suits, they were stuffy and restrictive and left Jace feeling like he was being suffocated. Having it on didn’t help his nerves any, Jace desperately wishing he could strip it all off and slip back into his jeans and black henley, his leather jacket pulled on like a piece of armor over top. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like he was about to walk unarmed into a horde of shax daemons. At least he had been able to convince Magnus to let him wear all black instead of the cobalt blue monstrosity he had tried to force him into.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before.” Jace’s eyes flickered up, glaring at Alec through the mirror he had been stood in front for the last half hour fussing over his appearance. He was leant in Jace’s open doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles, managing to look both relaxed and stern all at once. Magnus had managed to get him into a slightly flashier suit than he was used to, the thing mostly black with gold roses on the right forearm and left wrist as well as the left best. He had left the jacket open, his crisp white shirt on display and a black and gold bowtie to match. He looked good, well put together and Jace had little to no doubt that was all Magnus’s doing.

Huffing Jace darted his eyes back to his reflection, watching his hands as he began to fiddle with his cuffs, tugging them down slightly. He had a right to be nervous. He was either going to walk away from tonight in a relationship or with a broken heart and even more reasons why he shouldn’t open up to anyone. He didn’t think Simon was the kind of guy to laugh at someone in this kind of situation but the thought had crossed Jace’s mind in the last three days and he was half way convinced that was how Simon would react. That or he would just take one look at Jace and walk away without him even having gotten the chance to open his mouth.

“You look fine.” Alec’s reassurance cut through Jace’s nerves and he sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to stop himself from falling into a full blown panic. “I always look fine,” Jace smirked at Alec through the mirror, winking at his parabatai for good measure. Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes as he pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards him. “Debatable but whatever helps you sleep at night.” He stepped up behind Jace, a large hand curling around his elbow and gently he turned Jace round to face him. He went willingly, his nervous hands falling to his side and he looked up at the other man with an uneasy smile. He felt a little calmer with Alec there, like he wasn’t going into this fight alone and unprepared. His parabatai would have his back, he always did.

“You’re going to be fine Jace,” Alec said as he smoothed the lapels of Jace’s jacket down, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands. Jace let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Alec, what if he…” he didn’t get a chance to finish, Alec cutting him off with a sharp “no.” Scowling Alec stepped back, deft fingers going back to Jace’s collar and refastening the buttons, all the while looking down at Jace with a mix of disapproval and annoyance. “None of this what if rubbish. You can’t be thinking about that right now or you will talk yourself out of this before we even make it downstairs.” He tightened Jace’s tie, pushing it back up against his collar and fiddling to make sure it was in the center.

Jace scowled, already starting to feel uncomfortable but Alec just raised an eyebrow at him, as if he was daring Jace to try and undo it again. Huffing Jace dropped his gaze, looking off to the side and definitely not pouting. Simon always insisted Jace did it when he sulked after not getting his way and Jace was adamant that he didn’t, no matter what anyone else said. The thought of the other man had Jace’s chest tightening and stomach rolling. He didn’t know it was possible to feel sick and fond all at once but apparently he had been wrong. He had been wrong a lot lately so why not carry that on into tonight? He could only hope that he didn’t turn out to be wrong about taking this risk with Simon.

Sighing Jace lifted his hand, planning on running it through his hair but before he could even get it half way up Alec’s hand was darting out, slapping Jace’s hand away before he could ruin his hair that he had spent far too long styling, making sure it was perfect. “I get it,” Alec reassured, stepping back slightly and folding his arms behind his back and completely ignoring Jace’s scowl. “It’s hard to admit your feelings to someone, especially when you don’t know how they feel in return but if you don’t take the risk you’ll always be wondering what if.” Jace fought the urge to groan and roll his eyes. Ever since the dinner he had had with Alec and Magnus the other night his parabatai had been sprouting stuff like this and it was slowly starting to get to Jace. It didn’t help that he was right. Every single bit of romantic nonsense he came out with was right and Jace hated it.

He had thought that after everything with Clary it would have been easier to tell Simon that he had feelings for him but it was proving to be anything but. At least Simon knew how rubbish he was at these sorts of things so it wouldn’t be a surprise to the brunette when he undoubtedly fucked up somewhere along the line. “Plus if Simon actually hurts you I finally get a valid reason to kick his scrawny ass,” Alec shrugged as he looked off to the side, his eyes lazily moving around the room but Jace could see the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Jace huffed in amusement, shaking his head slightly and smiling back. Even if Simon did turn Jace down tonight he wouldn’t let Alec beat him up for it. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same way and he would hate for the tentative friendship Simon and Alec had built up to fall apart just because the vampire said no.

Uncrossing his arms Alec clasped one of Jace’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Now come on, people started arriving half an hour ago, including your vampire and Izzy can only keep him distracted for so long.” Alec inclined his head towards the door, looking at Jace expectantly. He pulled in a deep breath as he readied himself for what was to come. Simon was down there somewhere and it was Jace’s mission to find him and try and at least fix what had gone wrong between the two of them. That should be easy enough, right? All he had to do was put aside his petty jealousies and insecurities and open up about his feelings to a guy he was almost one hundred percent sure didn’t return his affections. Yeah he could do that, in theory at least, the reality might be a little different.

Rolling his shoulders Jace stood up straighter, head held high and smirk in place. Maybe if he looked confident he might feel it. “Lead the way oh fearless leader,” Jace gestured towards the door, grinning widely. Alec huffed in amusement, rolling his eyes but he still turned, striding across the room. Jace waited for Alec to get half way across the room before he started to follow him, pulling his door closed behind him with a soft click. He tried not to think about Simon or how the night could go as they made their way downstairs, instead focusing on keeping his breathing even and his heart rate steady but it’s a hard task to accomplish when he almost feels like he’s heading to the gallows, Simon waiting for him as either the executioner with his sharpened axe or his savior with a letter of pardon.

The gentle murmur of chatter gets louder as they made their way to the room Magnus and Izzy had designated for tonight’s activities, the soft mix of piano and violins giving the idle chatter almost a musical quality that any other time Jace might have appreciated but as they stepped into the already crowded hall Jace had one thing on his mind and his eyes instantly swept through the crowed of people. It didn’t take long for him to find who he was after, his breath catching as he finally laid eyes on Simon for the first time in weeks.

He looked good but Jace had known how enticing the vampire looked in a suit since Alec’s not wedding to Lydia. Unlike the dark suit he had worn that night though this one was a deep crimson, the cut of it tailored perfectly to show off Simon’s trim waist and broad shoulders. He had a matching red tie on over a crisp black shirt and his black shoes were polished to the point the light glinted off of them. His normally unruly hair was slicked back, his dark eyes rimed in black eyeliner to rival that of Magnus’s and his lips a soft glossy pink. He looked handsome and dangerous, a smirk pulling at his lips as he leaned in slightly to talk to Izzy, a pale hand gently curling around her waist and drawing her in.

Jace once again felt that flash of jealousy, wishing it was him in Izzy’s place with the vampires hand curled around his waist and whispering in Jace’s ear. He wanted to his lips pressing against his neck, Simon’s laughter rumbling against his delicate skin as Jace slid his hands under his suit jacket to feel the muscles he knew when hidden under his clothes. Jace wanted to beg and plead, sink to his knees with Simon’s hand in his hair and those to dark eyes looking only at him. He wants Simon lounging on his bed, legs spread and still in that suit, looking at him with hunger in his eyes and like Jace was the only one who could ever satisfy him.

He couldn’t do this.

“Nope, can’t do it,” he stated, promptly spinning on his heels and making to leave the room. He didn’t get more then two steps before strong hands were gripping his shoulders, pulling him backwards and spinning him back round. “Yes you can,” Alec said flatly, keeping his hands on Jace’s shoulders as he moved to stand slightly behind him, as if he could stop Jace from trying to escape again. Jace would like to see him try. “No I can’t,” he gritted out even as his eyes automatically went back to Simon. He was laughing, his smile so wide it looked almost painful. Jace had missed that, and his laugh and the stupid references that he didn’t always get. Jace had missed Simon and watching him now just made it more painfully obvious how empty his life had been these last few weeks without the other man there.

“And why not?” Alec asked tersely, his grip tightening slightly as Jace turned to face him. “Look at him Alec.” Jace hissed, gesturing blindly behind him towards where Simon had been just moments ago and not at all being subtle about it. “How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with him when all I want to do is rip his clothes off?” Alec pulled a face at Jace’s admission, his nose scrunching up in distaste. Slowly his eyes lifted past Jace, looking over to Simon and the distaste gave way to something closer to curiosity than anything else. “Now that you mention it he does look better in a suit than his normal clothes,” he mumbled, head tipping to the side, his eyes slowly moving down. Jace bristled at the action, he knew that look, had seen it directed one to many times his way and then Magnus’s. “Sort of reminds me of Magnus with all that makeup on,” he mumbled, almost to himself more than Jace.

Jace stepped into Alec’s space, pointing a finger at him. “Touch him and I will end you,” he threatened, not liking the considering look his parabatai was giving Simon. Alec arched an eyebrow at him, an amused smirk pulling one side of his mouth up. Jace was glad he was finding this all so funny because he wasn’t. “And why shouldn’t I touch him?” he asked, his smirk slipping back into his normal serious façade. He wasn’t joking about this. Alec was seriously asking Jace to give him a reason not to do anything with Simon. He had an answer to that on the tip of his tongue, an admission that he didn’t want anyone else anywhere near Simon because he was possessive and territorial but before he could voice his feelings Alec was speaking again, he gaze trapping Jace in place as he tried to goad him into reacting. “Clearly you don’t want him if you are already walking away so why shouldn’t Magnus and I get some enjoyment out of him?”

The thing is Jace knows Alec doesn’t mean it. He’s way to in love with Magnus to ever really consider sleeping with someone else, even if Magnus was involved. He knows that as fact but now that Alec had said it Jace can’t get the thought out of his head. If Alec asked would Simon say yes? He had slept with Izzy when they had been dating and considering Simon didn’t care about gender it wasn’t that far a stretch to think he would find Alec attractive as well. The thought had Jace’s stomach churning, the familiar feeling of anger and jealousy rising once more. Underneath that though was a hollow sense of resignation. As much as Jace would hate it, would get angry and sad at the thought of Alec anywhere near Simon he wouldn’t be able to blame either of them for it.

Simon deserved so much better than Jace. He was an emotionally stunted asshole with daddy issues and a martyr complex. He was a mess who couldn’t deal with situations when they were outside of his control and had zero chill when it came to handling his emotions, especially when he was angry or upset. The whole mess he was in with Simon was proof enough of that. Simon deserved better than how Jace had been treating him and someone like Alec could give him that. He didn’t even necessarily mean Alec, just someone else who was stable, levelheaded and had a clear grasp on their emotional state and how to interact with people outside a work environment and heavy flirting. Simon deserved someone who would look at him the way Alec looked at Magnus, someone who would move heaven and earth to make him happy and accept him as he was. Not a jealous asshole like Jace who lashed out when confronted with truths that he didn’t want to acknowledge and had the act of pushing people away down to an art form.

This was a mistake.

Sighing Alec let go of Jace, snagging two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter and handing one off to Jace. “Stop it,” he snapped, scowling at Jace like he knew exactly where his thoughts had been going. “The point I was trying to make is that you can’t get all upset and pouty about Simon being with other people if you can’t even pull your head out off your ass and make a move yourself.” Jace just grunted, bringing his glass up to his lips and downing half the fizzy drink in one go. Simon wasn’t his boyfriend and maybe that was a good thing. Jace was bound to fuck it up at some point, either by saying or doing the wrong thing. He would over react, make arguments worse and because he had always known how to get under Simon’s skin he would be as much of an asshole back and Jace didn’t want to make Simon like him. Maybe he should just leave it be and let Simon get on with his life and then in a couple of months when they saw each other again they might be able to be at least cordial with one another.

“Whatever you’re doing to convince yourself not to do this just stop.” Alec looked down at him sternly, Jace refusing to look back and keeping his head turned, gaze firmly fixed at some point on the floor between them and the door. He felt like a mess, like he was lost and had no idea how to find his way back again as he chased the sound of Simon calling his name. He had been so sure this morning that talking to Simon was the right thing to do, that getting an answer one way or another would finally allow him to get on with his life but now, as he got closer to finding out Simon’s answer he was starting to think he was only going to make things worse. Not that he thought the current status of his relationship with Simon could get any worse, unless the vampire tried to kill him and honestly Jace might just let him at this point.

“Do you really think we would all be pushing you to do this is we didn’t think it would be worth it? If we didn’t think you and Simon would be good for one another?” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s words, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the other man. Alec turned his head to the side, taking a sip of his drink and letting his eyes wonder to any where but Jace. “You know something,” he accused, crossing his arms over his chest and standing straighter, levelling Alec with his best ‘I take no shit’ look.

Alec sighed, looking like he regretted even opening his mouth. “You know he’s been talking to Izzy still right?” Alec’s eyes darted back to Jace, watching him carefully as if he thought Jace would start sulking about the fact. Jace lifted his head slightly higher, giving one sharp nod as answer. Izzy hadn’t kept it a secret that she had still been talking to Simon and Jace had pathetically taken every scrap of information he could get from her, desperately needing to know what the other mans had been up to without him. It had hurt at first, knowing that Simon was still in contact with the others whilst cutting him off completely but Jace was kind of glad about it now. At least Simon hadn’t shut out everyone else just because Jace had been an insensitive prick. He never would have forgiven himself if he had driven Simon away to the point he cut everyone else out of his life just to avoid him.

Alec turned back towards him, looking at Jace like he was weighing up his options and the whole time Jace felt himself tensing, getting ready for Alec to say something that could either ruin or make his night. “Every time they have spoken he’s asked about you.” The breath rushed out of him, Jace’s eyes instantly snapping to the side to find Simon once more. He was still stood with Izzy, his hand resting casually on the small of her back as she spoke to a rather stern looking man, his runes just poking out above the collar of his suit. They looked good together, what with Izzy in a black lace evening dress, her red lipstick almost matching the shade of Simon’s suit perfectly. Normally that would have had him scowling, that almost constant niggling feeling of jealousy making its self known but at Alec’s words a surge of hope had slammed into him like a punch to the gut. Simon wouldn’t be asking after him if Jace had screwed up so completely he didn’t want anything to do with him.

He felt Alec move beside him, turning to stand behind him again. He bent down slightly so he could speak into Jace’s ear, clasping his shoulder again. “If he didn’t care about you, even just as a friend then why would he do that?” Jace watched as Simon leant in slightly, whispering something in Izzy’s ear that made her laugh, pulling away with another wide grin that only got wider as the other man frowned. Simon cared. In one way or another Simon still cared about him and it gave him a new sense of hope that he could at least salvaged something of what they had before, even if it was just friendship. It would hurt for a while and Jace would need some time to lick his wounds but if that was all Simon would be able to offer him then Jace would grab it with both hands. Having Simon in his life as just a friend was better than not having him at all.

“Now, I need to go save Magnus before he gets sucked in to a conversation with Schneider about pack dynamics and you need to go find your vampire and start groveling for his forgiveness. I would suggest leading with a compliment, tell him he’s pretty or something. They like that.” Alec patted him on the shoulder and before Jace could even open his mouth to ask how often he had to do this with Magnus to be that confident this would work Alec was gone, weaving through the crowed to a rather uncomfortable took Magnus and some man who looked like he had been considered old a century ago, three ugly looking scars running done the left side of his face. Sighing Jace turned back to look at Simon just in time to see him snag a glass of what looked like red wine off a passing waiter but by the way the liquid clung to the glass as he took a sip Jace knew it was blood, his tongue darting out to lick the excess from his lips, Jace’s eyes zeroing in on the action but soon enough it was over and Simon’s attention was back on the shadowhunter in front of him.

Huffing Jace knocked back the last of his champagne. If he was going to do this then he would need something a little stronger to help ease his nerves and calm his racing heart. With one last look at Simon Jace turned and headed to the bar, flagging down the bartender quickly and ordering a double whiskey on the rocks. Once he had his drink Jace turned, leaning back against the bar as his eyes easily found Simon again. It was simple, Jace just had to wait for Simon to be left on his own then he would swoop in and ask for a moment alone, whisking Simon off to some secluded room, most likely the library and tell Simon how good he looked in that ridiculous suit before he apologized for being an ass and asked if he wanted to go out some time. Easy.

It was not easy. Not easy at all.

As time ticked by Jace continued to watch as Simon flitted from one person to the next, seemingly charming every person he spoke to and never being left on his own for longer than a couple of seconds before someone else was clamoring for his attention. It was annoying as all hell and every time Jace thought he had an opening, a chance to finally get to Simon and just talk to him the vampire would flit off to someone else and in a blink of an eye Jace’s opening was gone. So as the seconds bled in to minutes then hours and he seemed to get further and further away from accomplishing his goal Jace’s scowl became deeper and his mind hazy as he knocked back one drink after another.

Simon hadn’t even looked up at him, hadn’t so much as acknowledged Jace’s existence and that was just making him more agitated, his hold tightening on his glass as he knocked back the last of his current drink. He had lost count at number seven, or was it eight? Whatever one it was had been a while ago and now Jace was starting to feel the effects. His eyes felt a little heavy, his vision a little fuzzy around the edges and he was having trouble focusing properly. At some point he had loosened his tie, popping the top two buttons open as he got hotter. He was starting to get uncomfortable and agitated and that didn’t bode well for the rest of his night.

Across the room Simon smiled, his attention focused only on the person before him. It was a seelie now, a tall elegant looking redhead, that’s skin seemed to shimmer green in the light. She looked far too much like the previous seelie queen for his liking, dressed in lace with her cleavage on display and a flower crown sat atop her head. Jace didn’t like her, didn’t trust her around Simon who was just too gullible for his own good. The idiot saw the good in almost everyone and one day it was going to get him in trouble that Jace wouldn’t be around to get him out of. She laughed at whatever Simon had said, fluttering her long lashes at him and angling herself closer to him. Snarling Jace turned back round to lean on the bar, ordering another drink and downing half of it the instant he was given it.

“Maybe you should slow down before you pass out.” Jace turned his glare towards Luke, wobbling slightly as he did so. He was in a suit as well, just a simple black tux with a white shirt on underneath. Simon would call it a classic look, Jace called it effort. Luke glanced sideways at him, eyeing Jace with concern as he lifted his hand and signaling the bartender. “Can’t,” Jace grunted, taking another gulp of the amber liquid sloshing around in his glass. It had lost its burn about an hour ago, the drink going down far too easy. Luke raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, or at least Jace thought he did. It was getting a little harder to focus on the things right in front of him. “And why’s that?” Jace couldn’t help but look over his shoulder at Simon, the vampire definitely a lot closer to the seelie now then he had been. “I’ve gotta tell Simon he’s pretty and then grovel so he’ll agree to date me,” Jace blurted mindlessly, his words slurring slightly but he was to preoccupied with letting his eyes roam over Simon and the seelie to even notice.

Jace wanted to go over there and yank him away from the other women. Wanted to demand Simon’s attention like he had been craving for weeks now but Alec had said to wait for him to be alone so he would but Simon hadn’t been alone all evening and Jace was rapidly running out of patience, especially when he could just about recognize his own flirting techniques being directed towards the undeserving seelie. “Oh.” He was angry at Simon. Angry and hot, to hot. Simon was always so cold and Jace bet it would feel so good to press his cheek between his shoulder blades, to wrap his arms around him and press every inch of his front against Simon’s back. Would be even better if they were naked.

“Maybe you should slow down with the drinking if you want him to take you seriously.” Jace’s head jerked back round at Luke’s words, the action causing his stomach to churn and his head spin. Groaning he brought a hand up and pressed it against his temple as he tried to will the room to stop spinning and shoved down the urge to empty the contents of his stomach. When his vision cleared Jace found Luke looking down at him with concern, has hand lightly curled around Jace’s shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady. “I am serious,” he managed to get out without slurring, shrugging the other mans hand off of him and doing his best to glare at Luke even as he swayed slightly, gripping tightly at the bar to keep himself up. Luke held his hands up and leant back slightly as if to show Jace he meant no harm and something about that struck him as wrong. “Sorry, I’m a little tense,” Jace mumbled, shoulders slumping and head hanging down between his arms. What was wrong with him? He was trying to prove to Simon that he wasn’t an asshole, not make him think Jace was even more of one.

“It’s okay, I get it. Admitting your feelings can be stressful, especially if you’re putting a friendship on the line.” Jace scoffed at that, taking another large gulp of his rapidly disappearing drink. He had already screwed up their friendship so what else did he have to lose by admitting to Simon that he thought they should date? Honestly it wouldn’t have been that different to what they had been before just hopefully they would actually get to have sex instead of Jace pathetically fantasizing about it and feeling guilty about it afterwards. “What I was trying to say is that you know what Simon’s moms like. You stumbling over to him drunk and smelling like a dive bar isn’t going to make him believe whatever it is you’re planning on saying to him.” Luke looked pointedly down at him and Jace froze, his posture going stiff as the older mans words sank in.

Oh.

Oh no.

Simon hated it when Jace drank too much. He always got this sad, disappointed look on his face that left Jace feeling both annoyed and guilty. Simon would take one look at Jace and know that he was well past his usual limit, a limit that he had put in place to avoid disappointing Simon. He had told Jace all about his mom’s addiction, about the stints in rehab and how she got when she drank. Jace knew how much seeing her like that hurt him and here Jace was, casually about to throw the other mans concern for him back in his face. This was all wrong and Jace was just making things so much worse.

Groaning Jace place his drink down, deciding to stick to water from now on and planning to go find Magnus to make him as sober as he could as quickly as he could but as he turned his head to signal the bartender he caught a glimpse of what was going on behind him and froze. The seelie had moved in closer, her hand sliding up Simon’s chest. Her head was tilted to the side, her red curls falling almost artfully over her shoulders and she looked up at Simon through her long lashes, a coy smile on her pink lips. With an overwhelming sense of horror Jace watched as Simon placed his hand on her waist and pulled her closer, a confident smirk curling his lips up and his dark eyes becoming hooded as he leaned in towards her.

Jace saw red.

Snarling he knocked back the last of his drink, practically slamming the glass down before pushing away from the bar. He ignored Luke calling out his name, nor did he pay attention to anyone he stumbled into as he made his way hastily across the room, to focused on Simon and his need to stop whatever the hell it was that he thought he was about to do. He was done waiting, he needed to tell Simon now before he lost his chance all together and the vampire slipped off into the night with the seelie. All he had to do was show Simon that he was better, that he didn’t need to go with her because Jace was all he would ever need to keep him satisfied and if Simon wouldn’t listen then Jace would show him. He may be hopeless at the relationship side of things but this he was good at, excelled at it even and he knew that given the chance he could leave Simon a blissful, fucked out mess. Jace just had to get him away from the seelie first and then finally he would get Simon all to himself.

Bonus Track

Track five: I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter summary: Jace has to live with the consequences of his actions. Alec and Magnus help him come to terms with how he really feels about Simon and together they form a plan on how to win back the daylighter.

<- previous

next ->

first

Jace was being an asshole.

Granted he normally was a bit of a dick, especially to Simon but this was taking it to a whole new level. Jace had stupidly assumed it would be easy to put some space between him and Simon but he had known the minute that Simon had walked into the training room with coffee from Jace’s favorite place two blocks in the opposite direction of the institute from Simon’s apartment and a rambling apology that it wouldn’t be easy at all. He had accepted the apology even though he was still bitter and angry over it all, just to avoid the sad puppy dog look Simon was giving him and had quickly made his escape, thankful that Simon was still trying to placate him and let him go without more than a promise to train the next day and a quick pat on the shoulder for good measure. Jace had then gone back to the safety of his room, locking the door behind him and sunk down to the floor, burying his head in his hands.

Simon had been all Jace could think of the night before when he got back from the Hunters Moon, his dreams filled with speculation of what the vampire was doing and half formed fantasies of being the one to do them to him only to have it all disappear in a puff of smoke and Simon’s mocking laughter ringing in his ears as the vampire taunted him for ever thinking Simon would want someone like him. He had screamed and raged as he was forced to watch Simon with that smug blonde seelie, Simon laughing the whole time and telling Jace every reason why he would never be good enough for Simon, how he would never be wanted or loved by him.

He hadn’t been surprised when he woke up and found Alec waiting for him.

There had been no point trying to hide anything, not when Jace had been too emotionally drained to even attempt to block the bond they shared. So instead they had gone down to train and Jace had told him about the night before and what band practice had actually meant. He hadn’t kept his anger in check, nor his pain and Alec had just taken it, meeting him blow for blow and allowing Jace to work out his aggression whilst listening to him grit out nonsense about how he didn’t care and if Simon wanted to sleep with half the down world than that was his choice, it meant nothing to Jace. Alec had unhelpful pointed out that if Jace didn’t care that Simon was sleeping around then why was he so angry about it. Jace had promptly knocked him on his ass and told him to shut up.

Jace hadn’t expected to see Simon so soon, had even forgotten about the plans they had made to have lunch together. He had wanted to run as soon as he had noticed the other man stood in the doorway, had wanted to put as much distance between himself and Simon as he could but the fact that Simon had shown up, had come back to Jace had his chest tightening and his heart thumping rapidly against his ribs. He was the one Simon always came back to, the one who got to actually know the person Simon was when all the others just got left behind, nothing more than a quick fuck. He hated how he thought that might have been enough, that as long as Simon always came back to him then he could look past the late nights and the trail of people he left behind him. It was stupid and Jace just wanted it to stop. They weren’t even dating and here Jace was acting like some tragic love struck wife, willing to put up with a cheating spouse because they loved them so much. Not that Jace loved Simon. He couldn’t love him because that would just make everything so much worse.

Huddled against his door Jace had promised himself to put some distance between himself and the vampire. He would cut back on the flirting, would treat Simon somewhere between how he treated Alec and Maia. There would have to be less touching as well, that was a definite. He didn’t think he could stomach putting his hands on Simon only to remember that someone else’s had probably already been there only under his clothes and drawing the sweetest sounds out of him. No it was better for him to just move on, do exactly what he had said he was going to do and put his idiotic little infatuation for Simon to rest.

Jace hadn’t counted on Simon being the one to make doing that so difficult.

Simon was clearly trying to carry on as if nothing had changed and Jace supposed to him nothing had apart from the fact Jace now knew where he was going when he disappeared for the night. To Jace though everything had changed and now he was acutely aware of every moment Simon wasn’t there and no matter how much he tried he couldn’t help but think of what Simon was doing and who he was with. It was driving Jace crazy and despite his efforts to try and act like it wasn’t bothering him Jace was falling miserably.

He knew he was hurting Simon, could see the flash of it in his eyes every time he went to touch him only to snatch his hand back but Jace couldn’t keep up with the way they had been, not now he knew how far out of his reach Simon actually was. The brunette just wouldn’t stop though and as the weeks passed Jace found his annoyance turning bitter and ugly whenever faced with Simon’s nocturnal activities. He took a twisted sense of pleasure in seeing the flash of hurt in Simon’s eyes whenever Jace made a jab about band practice. It was childish but he wanted Simon to feel just a little of the pain Jace did. He always regretted it after but he was the kind of stubborn that had him refusing to take any of it back.

It helped put distance between them though and it was so much easier to get Simon to be the one to walk away from him then do it himself. Jace could see that Simon wanted to reach out for him, could hear the slight hesitation in his voice as he second guesses what he would say to Jace. It’s easy to make Simon give him space after a while because despite everything the man is just so good and even though he is clearly confused by what’s happening he tries to give Jace what he wants and somehow that hurts more because Jace doesn’t want that distance at all but he knows he needs it if he has any hope of salvaging a functioning friendship with the vampire.

He misses Simon though, wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around the other man and apologize for his behavior and ask him to say. To stay with Jace, to not go to the next seelie, vampire, werewolf or bloody warlock that catches his eye. He wanted to pin Simon down and promise that he was good enough, that he would be enough for Simon if just given the chance to prove it but Simon had made it clear that Jace wasn’t what he wanted though and he refused to be as weak and as pathetic to actually beg Simon for something he knew he wouldn’t get.

So Jace continued on, keeping his hands to himself apart from when they spared and even then it wasn’t for as long and Jace made sure to be as professional as he could, treating Simon as he would any other novice. For the most part Jace remained friendly, not wanting to drive Simon away entirely but it seemed he had misjudged what Simon would be willing to put up with.

Jace had been fine, if not a little tense when he had joined Izzy and Simon in the ops center but he had been ever hopeful that with Izzy there as a buffer they would be able to function without any issues. He had been wrong. Simon had had a couple of flings in the weeks after Jace had caught him with the seelie’s, Jace knew that thanks to Maia’s ability to gossip but hearing that he was arranging hook-ups at the institute, somewhere where Jace had almost felt safe considering that Simon had never slept with another shadowhunter, had left him feeling like he had just been stabbed in the chest and something in Jace had snapped.

He could live with Simon finding companionship with his own kind and other downworlders but the thought of him with other shadowhunters left Jace feeling sick. He wouldn’t be able to stomach it, seeing Simon slipping from the rooms of people he worked with every day. Wouldn’t be able to stand listening to them talk about what the vampire was like in bed and comparing notes. And if anyone was stupid enough to ask him to introduce them to Simon Jace wouldn’t hesitate to hit them.

A coldness had seeped into him, leaving Jace feeling like he had been stood out in the snow for hour without a heating rune to keep him warm. He had plastered on a smile though and laughed it off, keeping his eyes fixed on the tablet he was clutching. Simon wouldn’t let it go though, rambling on about wanting to spend time with Jace and the numbness had steadily given way to anger. He didn’t want Simon’s pity, didn’t need the man to act like Jace meant anything of any real importance to him. Jace had denied him, refusing to look up so he wouldn’t have to see Simon’s relief at having been freed of any perceived obligation he had with Jace.

Simon had just kept pushing though, demanding Jace look at him and Jace had lashed out, not bothering to hide how angry and hurt he was by Simon’s actions. He hadn’t been prepared to watch every ounce of fight drain from the brunette, to see him shrink in on himself and recoil from Jace like he had hit him. He got to see something in Simon bend and give way and it wasn’t till later that Jace realized that it was whatever Simon had felt for Jace that had snapped under his own petty jealousy and spiteful anger.

Izzy had yelled at him a lot after Simon had left, tearing into Jace about the way he was treating Simon and calling him out for letting his jealousy pull apart the relationship they actually had. It had been harsh, Izzy not holding anything back but Jace had been just as angry, arguing back and trying not to think about the look on Simon’s face as he walked away from Jace. He hadn’t stuck around, disappearing out onto the streets, invisibility rune activated and looking for a fight. He hadn’t found one so instead Jace had wandered the city for hours, stewing in his anger until it had fizzled out and he was forced to face the reality of his actions.

He knew he was the one at fault this time but his pride made it impossible for him to be the one to admit that to anyone else. Instead he had promised himself to try harder when Simon inevitably came back around. He was too nice for his own good and Jace knew that he wouldn’t give up on the friendship they had built just because Jace was failing to keep his emotions in check. It would be hard but Jace didn’t want to lose Simon and that meant he would have to accept the fact that at some point he was going to be part of a conversation about Simon’s band practice. He would just have to get better at hiding how much he hated what Simon was doing. He would still keep the flirting and touching to a minimum because Jace couldn’t carry on like that if he wanted to stay sane but he would do better at keeping his biting comments to himself. Simon deserved better from him and Jace planned on working on that the moment Simon came back, stubbornly refusing to give up like always.

Except Simon didn’t come back.

The first two days Jace brushed his absence off, convincing himself that Simon was still angry with him and needed some space to work through it. That was fine, Jace could understand that because he had been an asshole and if Jace was Simon he wouldn’t want to be around him at the moment either. The third day Jace was on edge, constantly hovering around the ops center and looking at the door hopefully every time it opened only to be disappointed when he didn’t see Simon’s unruly mop of dark hair come through it. The fourth day when Simon had failed to turn up for their planned training session Jace had caved and called the other man, genuinely worried about him. The phone had rung and rung, Jace’s concern growing with every second it went unanswered until it finally went to voicemail.

Jace had been half way out the institute when his phone had gone off and he had quickly yanked it out of his pocket. It had been a simple text, the shortest one he had probably ever gotten from Simon. ‘Sorry, can’t make it. Busy’. Jace had stood there staring down at his phone and those simple words until the screen went black and even then he still stared down at it, not really believing what he had seen.

Busy. Simon was busy, too busy to spare the hour or so they spent sparing every couple of days. Normally there would be a small essay explaining why Simon wouldn’t be able to make it but not this time and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the other man meant by busy. That hurt more than Jace had thought it would, the realization that he was being cast aside in favor of one of Simon’s little groupies. He knew it would happen eventually, knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold Simon’s attention forever and especially not with how he had been acting but he hadn’t been prepared for the almost crippling wave of rejection that had slammed into him.

Sucking in a deep breath he had stumbled back, the wall the only thing keeping him upright as his body shook and his eyes began to sting. He had thought it couldn’t hurt any worse than seeing Simon all over the two seelie’s but he had been wrong because it felt like his heart was being split apart, like it was glass, cracking in his hands and the shards digging into his lungs. He felt unwanted, abandoned, cast aside like a broken toy. Jace knew he wasn’t good enough, had known that he had been lucky for the time he had gotten to spend basking in Simon’s goodness. He was broken, damaged beyond repair and he had been delusional to think that anyone would stick around, even as just a friend. He was toxic, a master in self sabotage who always ruined the good things in his life. Simon was right to run whilst he could before Jace poisoned him and snuffed out his light.

With shaky hands he managed to open his phone, sending a simple ‘ok’ back. He didn’t get a reply, hadn’t thought he would, not if Simon was otherwise engaged. Jace had taken a deep breath, eyes screwed shut as he clawed back control over himself, shoving everything else he was feeling down into a little box that he buried even deeper inside of him. He didn’t want to feel it, any of it and he refused to be as weak and pathetic as to let it ruin him. He stayed there for a few moments, just leant against the wall and breathing steadily and when he opened his eyes Jace felt calmer even as an emptiness settled over him. He carried on with his day like nothing had happened, didn’t let his mind wander to tussled brown hair, bright eyes and wide smiles. Jace just existed and when the day drew to a close and he collapsed down into his bed it was no one’s business but his own if he finally let the tears fall and let the feeling of not being good enough swallow him whole.

That had been two weeks ago and Jace hadn’t heard from or seen Simon since.

The next couple of weeks had been difficult, Jace swinging between being angry and hostile to sad and mopey. Everyone was on edge around him, not sure how he would react and it was making the institute tense and uncomfortable. No one wanted to be around him and that was fine with Jace, he didn’t want to be around people either. Having other people there just made it more glaringly obvious that there was a Simon shaped hole in his life that wouldn’t seem to go away.

Izzy was running out of patience with him, demanding he fix ‘it’ before she had to reprimand him for his behavior. The thing was though that Jace didn’t know how to fix it and he wasn’t too sure he even wanted to. Maybe it was all for the best. His and Simon’s friendship had been built on rocky foundations, the loss of Clary drawing them together. Simon had loved Clary just as much as Jace had if differently and he had understood what Jace had been going through when the dust had settled and Clary had been gone.

By all accounts they shouldn’t have worked together, they had little to nothing in common and yet they had still managed to spend hours almost every day together without it being an issue. Developing any sort of attraction to Simon had probably only been because of the closeness and how broken and venerable Jace had been. Really he was surprised it hadn’t all blown up before now. Maybe Simon finally realizing that Jace wasn’t worth the time and effort was just a long time coming and they could now both get on with their lives like they were supposed to. Simon could sleep his way through the down world and Jace could focus on being the best shadowhunter he could be like he was meant to.

“Stop it.” Jace slowly lifted his gaze up from where he had been staring unseeingly at the glass of wine he was holding until he was looking up at Alec. His parabatai has his usual glower in place, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned in the doorway. Jace doesn’t want to have the conversation Alec is angling for but he knows it’s inevitable. The only thing he can do is try and put it off, being stubborn and obtuse until Alec finally had enough of his bullshit and snapped at him. “Sorry Alec but I can’t help being this good looking. It’s a cures, truly,” Jace smirked, winking at the other man before taking a large gulp of his drink. Wine wasn’t his normal go to drink, especially white wine but Magnus had insisted it was the only thing acceptable to have with dinner and Jace knew better then to argue with the warlock when it came to things like this.

Alec huffed, rolling his eyes at Jace before pushing off the doorframe and walking back over to the table. “Please, the only thing you’re cursed with is having an ego the size of Idris.” He sank into the seat opposite, picking up his own glass as he did. He looked relaxed, one arm flung over the back of the empty chair next to him and the top couple of buttons on his forest green shirt left open. Magnus had been good for the other man and Jace knew he was happy here, could feel it through their bond. He was happy for Alec, he had been through so much and they deserved this but a part of Jace couldn’t help but twist with envy every time he saw the happy couple together.

He wanted what they had, wanted to feel loved and happy, like the other person completed him, made him whole. He had thought for a while that he would get that with Clary, the two of them so in tune with the other it was like they had been made for one another and he supposed in a way they had been but it wasn’t meant to be. She was off living a happy life in blissful ignorance and Jace had been left behind with a gaping hole in his heart where Clary had once been. A hole that had been healing but had only gotten bigger since Simon had left.

The thought of Simon had Jace’s heart aching, his hand clenching on the table to stop himself from reaching out and rubbing at his chest. Alec sighed, Jace pointedly ignoring him as he took another drink. The wine wasn’t that strong and Jace desperately wished it was whiskey instead. He didn’t want to have this conversation but he was going to have to and that would go a lot better if he was drunk enough that come the morning he wouldn’t be able to remember it. If he asked for anything stronger though he would get a hard no from Alec and Magnus was wrapped so tightly wrapped around his husband’s finger that he would just give Jace an apologetic smile and pour him a slightly larger glass of wine.

“Still nothing?” Jace’s hand tightened on the glass and he took his time answering, moving slowly as he placed the glass down as delicately as he could, Magnus already having threatened to end his existence if he broke another one. “No.” He hadn’t seen or heard from Simon in weeks, Jace’s life seeming cold and empty without the over energetic and ever optimistic vampire around. Cold, empty and alone. That was his general feelings these days with bouts of anger thrown in just for good measure. It was stupid. One person shouldn’t affect him so much but Simon had wormed his way into Jace’s life, carved out a home for himself in Jace’s chest and he hadn’t even noticed until he crawled back out and left a gaping hole behind.

“We’ll have you actually tried calling him this time or are you still stuck on the whole stubborn woe is me drivel.” Jace scowled at Magnus as he breezed into the room, wine glass in hand and the other waving around, his rings glinting in the light. “I’ll take your sullen silence as a resounding no then,” Magnus said knowingly, slipping into the chair next to Alec and looking pointedly at Jace over the rim of his glass. Jace stayed stubbornly quiet, looking away from the happy couple and downing the last of his wine.

Jace hadn’t called Simon. He had found himself time and time again staring down at the other man’s contact, thumb hovering over the call button. He had wanted to, wanted to press his thumb down and listen to the phone ring and ring until Simon picked up and Jace got to hear that stupidly cheerful voice say his name once more. He hadn’t been able to do it though, the look on Simon’s face when Jace said they didn’t need him, that Jace didn’t need him, kept him from pressing down on the call button. That and the thought of the phone just ringing and ringing, Simon not answering or ever calling back and leaving Jace with no doubt that Simon was done with him. So no, Jace hadn’t called despite wanting to and he wouldn’t. Simon was the one who walked away, who decided that Jace wasn’t worth it and Jace wouldn’t chase after him, not when Simon didn’t want him. He had that much dignity left.

“Jace,” Alec chastised him using that same tone a parent might use to tell off a child they suspected of doing something they couldn’t comprehend was wrong. Jace hated it. “Alec,” he said back, a warning to his tone but all it got him was Alec narrowing his eyes and scowling at him. “How do you expect to fix anything if you won’t even talk to him?” Jace’s hand tightened around the stem of his glass, glaring back at Alec. Jace wasn’t good at this sort of thing and his parabatai knew that. He wouldn’t even know where to start and even if he did the problem would still be there. Jace was jealous and possessive and he craved the attention of a man that wouldn’t look at him twice, a man who took one lover after another and left Jace feeling inadequate. He didn’t like the feeling.

“Who said I wanted to fix anything?” Alec arched an eyebrow, the two of them trying to will the other to back down but they were both as stubborn as the other and Jace doubted either of them would be willing to give any leeway with the issue. “Oh I don’t know, maybe because since your little lovers spat at the institute you have been an insufferable, moody bitch whose acting like he got dumped by his high school sweet heart.” Jace turned his glare to Magnus, the warlock shrugging as he leant back into Alec’s side. “Simon didn’t dump me,” Jace snarled, leaning forward to snatch the bottle of wine up off the table and refilled his glass, though the temptation to just drink straight from the bottle was there.

“Oh, so you are lovers then.” Jace choked on his drink, glaring at the warlock as he sipped at his own drink, smirking over the rim of the glass. “We aren’t lovers,” he spat the last word out, that bitter taste back in his mouth. He and Simon hadn’t be and never would be lovers. They were friends, nothing more, nothing less except Jace was pretty sure they were less now. Less than they had even been back at the beginning and that was something. “But you want to be.” Jace was going to hit Magnus if he didn’t shut up. He didn’t care if he was Alec’s husband and it would upset him, it would make Jace feel better.

“Magnus,” Alec sighed, turning to look disapprovingly at the other man. “Fine,” he huffed, rolling his eyes and Jace felt a little of the tension ease from his shoulders. “I’m just trying to understand why Simon having a healthy sexual appetite for a vampire his age would be such an issue. Your actions seem to stem more from jealousy then any issue with the act itself so I can only summarize it’s the fact Simon is having sex with everyone but you that is the real issue here.” Magnus looked at Jace directly, uncaring of the way Jace’s jaw had clenched and he was looking at Magnus like he wanted to kill him.

Was he really that easy to read?

Jace had been trying to keep it all hidden away, hadn’t wanted anyone to know but he supposed he hadn’t done that good a job with it considering how he had been acting. What if Simon had known? What if that was why he had left, because he couldn’t take Jace acting like he had any right to feel jealous and possessive over him? The thought made him feel sick. He had wanted to spare Simon the awkwardness of having to deal with Jace’s infatuation and he thought he had but if Magnus could just pluck apart his defensives like that and know what Jace was feeling then who could say if Simon knew or not. Maybe that was why he had left, he was so disgusted with the thought of him and Jace together that he took the opportunity given to him and ran. What if he had fucked up more than he thought he had and there really was nothing left for him and Simon to salvage.

“Don’t look so worried. I’ve been alive long enough to recognize the look, that’s all. I’m sure Simon is completely unaware of how you feel about him.” Jace grunted at Magnus’s patronizing tone, knocking back half his glass in an attempt to keep himself from fidgeting. “Simon’s a good enough guy and if he knew about-” Alec gestured to Jace, the action scarily similar to Magnus, “he would have tried to talk to you about it, even if it would have been to let you down. The guy can’t shut up and there is no way he would have been able to stop himself from rambling on about that.” Jace had to admit that Alec had a point there. Simon was all about feeling and over sharing and if there had been even an inkling of Jace liking him more than a friend then Simon wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from trying to talk to him about it. Luckily he hadn’t or Jace might have ended up punching him to get him to shut up. Fuck this conversation was getting to serious for him and if he didn’t think Alec would bitch like crazy Jace would have tried to make a run for it by now.

Magnus waved his hand, all three of their wine glasses full again and Jace would thank him but he didn’t think it was necessarily a good thing he was being given more alcohol. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that would be the end of the conversation, not when Alec had been drafted in by Izzy to help fix things. The night was going to be long and full of awkward conversations and truths he didn’t want to acknowledge. If he was lucky though Magnus would keep the wine flowing and Jace could get drunk enough to not care about what came out of his mouth.

The warlock leant back in his chair again, Alec’s arm falling to drape across his shoulders and when Magnus spoke his voice was level and confident, spoken like a man who had lived long enough to know these kind of things. “Vampires crave life Jace, it’s in their nature and apart from drinking blood straight from a living body sex is the next best thing. He is young, full of reckless abandon and an all-consuming hunger. He is giving in to instincts that he probably doesn’t even realise he has, trying to fill the void of his hunger with something just as pleasurable.” Jace paid the slightly nauseated look on Alec’s face hardly any attention, instead letting Magnus’s words sink in, turning them over in his head as he sipped at his wine.

He had never thought of it like that before, that Simon was still a young vampire struggling with his hunger and looking to distract himself from it by satisfying it another way. Simon seemed to have such control over his hunger these days, not even flinching when someone got to close and he got a face full of exposed neck or vulnerable wrist. It would explain his sudden shift in behavior, why he had started acting like Jace pre Clary but that didn’t change the fact that Simon had never come to him for help filling that void his hunger left behind. Jace had an abundance of experience and he knew for a fact he would have been able to keep Simon satisfied, even more so with the use of certain runes. But Simon hadn’t asked because despite everyone else seemingly being Simon’s type Jace was apparently the exception to that rule.

“Simon’s…appetite is to be expected, it’s nothing personal.” Alec shifted in his seat, looking just as uncomfortable as Jace felt with the whole conversation. Good. At least Jace wasn’t the only one suffering. “Feels personal,” Jace grumbled. How could it not be personal? Simon had literally gone out of his way to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace. If it was some weird vampire thing, if he had been struggling with his hunger then why wouldn’t he have told Jace about it? They told each other everything, well apart from the obvious, so why wouldn’t he talk to Jace about this? No, the only logical reason was because Simon didn’t want Jace involved in that aspect of his life so he had kept him out of it until Jace had stumbled blindly into it by accident.

Magnus gave him an understanding smile, placing his glass down on the table as he leant forward. His hand slid over Jace’s clenched one, his skin soft and warm as he squeezed gently. The touch was unexpected and Jace had to fight the desire to snatch his hand back, not so used to the casual touches from anyone else other than his family and Simon. “That’s because you love him,” Magnus said softly, like it was fact and not just his opinion based off to many romance novels in Jace’s opinion.

He snatched his hand back, placing it on his thigh under the table. “I don’t love Simon,” Jace said automatically, so used to denying it that he just said it without even thinking now. The words left a sour taste in his mouth, like he had been sucking on a lemon and Jace didn’t want to even begging to unpack why that was. “Oh?” Magnus arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him as he sat back, taking his wine glass up once more. “Do you normally go around sulking for weeks on end when a ‘friend’ starts sleeping with other people?” Jace glared at Magnus, refusing to answer and instead downing the last of his drink. What was with everyone? All of them seemingly stuck on the fact that Jace felt anything other than friendship and lust for the vampire. He didn’t love Simon, he wouldn’t allow it and all this constant insistence that he did was just pissing him off. Jace knew how he felt, they were his feelings after all and he didn’t need them to start poking around to try and shake something lose that he wanted firmly kept in place and hidden away.

“Magnus is right Jace.” His eyes darted over to Alec, taking in the serious and somber look he was wearing. It wasn’t much different to normal but there was something else there in his eyes that left Jace feeling trapped, unable to look away or escape the inevitability of what was to come. “You know he is and no amount of denial will change how you feel. I’m your parabatai Jace, I know how you feel around him.” Alec’s voice is soft and level as he talks, as if he isn’t ripping down the walls that Jace had built up around him to protect himself from any more loss and heartbreak. A lot of good they had done him, Simon somehow managing to slip in between the cracks. That was Simon though, he worked his way into everyone’s good graces by being a loveable idiot. Even Alec liked him and considering Alec liked no one that was a rather impressive feat. “The sooner you admit it to yourself the sooner you can start dealing with all this properly.”

He doesn’t want to admit it, doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he had fallen so quickly into the orbit of another after Clary. Loosing Clary had been devastating, had left Jace feeling like his whole world had crumbled into dust but it was so much worse with Simon because when Clary had gone Jace had had the vampire to cling on to, to tell all his fears and nightmares to but now Simon was gone too and Jace was alone again. Alone and desperately trying not to look any deeper into how he had been acting both before and after finding out about band practice.

Jace hadn’t really had friends outside of Alec and Izzy but even he had known that what he and Simon had been doing had breezed right past being friends and into something dangerously close to a relationship. He had ignored it all though. Ignored the late nights just in the other’s company and crashing at Simon’s apartment, didn’t think too hard about the fact that it happened so much that Jace had spare clothes there and a blade or two hidden around the place for emergencies. He ignored the not dates to the movies or the comic shop or the Hunters Moon or the restaurants Simon insisted Jace had to try. He didn’t stop to consider what it meant when Simon was the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last thing he thought of before sleep took him. Jace refused to look too deeply at what he had been doing because then he would have to admit that there was something else there, beneath the friendship and the desire he felt for the other man. He didn’t think that he loved Simon, not yet anyway but there was something there, growing in his chest with every moment they spent together. No he didn’t love Simon but he wasn’t far off and that terrified him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, head tipping forward and burying his face in his hands. He didn’t want to like Simon, didn’t want to imagine them together just as they had been but with kisses and hand holding and bloody cuddling. No he didn’t want it, not ever and especially not now considering how much he had fucked things up already. He didn’t need to be having a crisis of feelings right now and he hated that it had been forced on him. He would have been fine ignoring it all until it went away on its own or he died, whichever one came first.

“You should tell him.” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s declaration, hands falling away as he looked at the other man with wide and disbelieving eyes. “What? Why?” Jace snapped but before Alec could give an explanation to his madness Jace was talking again, “you know what, no. That’s a terrible idea.” He snatched up his empty wine glass, holding it out towards Magnus expectantly as he tried to shove the panic he was feeling down.

Magnus huffed, rolling his eyes as he waved his hand and Jace’s glass filled up on its own. He promptly drank half of it, ignoring Alec’s glare whilst also welcoming the gentle buzz he was starting to get, the alcohol finally starting to take effect even if it did taste sort how he thought electricity would taste like. “Alexander has a point. You have been moping around like some love struck fool for months now, convincing yourself that Simon could never return any feelings towards you other than friendship without ever actually bothering to find out if that’s true or not.” Alec gives him a smug look over the rim of his glass and Jace didn’t even hesitate to kick out at the other man’s leg, causing him to jerk and his drink to slosh over the edge of his glass. He glared at Jace as he put his glass down, grabbing a napkin to wipe at his hand and Jace just glares right back because Magnus is right and Jace can’t stand it.

No he had never said anything to Simon but he never thought he had to. He had been so sure that Simon wasn’t interested in him, that he was only into girls and anyway, outside of the playful flirting Simon had never acted like he wanted that kind of thing from Jace. They were friends and Simon said it often enough that Jace just knew that was all they would ever be. He didn’t need to tell Simon that he wanted more when he already knew the answer would be no. But he was buzzed enough that he couldn’t help but entertain the thought of confessing all his sins to the vampire only for Simon to do the same and welcome him with open arms and breath stealing kisses. “Fine,” he hissed, “and how do you suggest I go about telling Simon when he has been avoiding me like I’ve got demon pox?”

Alec and Magnus glance at each other, sharing a thoughtful look before turning their attention back to Jace. It’s creepy how in sync they are and Jace files that away for latter, either to mock Alec with or to gossip with Izzy about. He isn’t sure what one yet but he knows he will get some amusement out of both those outcomes. “The cabinet party on Friday. As the vampire representative to the clave he has to be there,” Magnus answered and Alec nodded his head in agreement. “It’s perfect. There will be to many people there for him to make a scene and embarrass himself more than normal so you should be fine to pull him aside and apologies for being an ass before asking him out on a date.” Alec rattled off before lifting his glass and taking a sip of his drink like that answered every question Jace could possibly have.

The cabinet party was to celebrate the success of the roll out of the downworlder council across the shadow world and would be attended by shadowhunters and downworlders alike for all corners of the world. Izzy and Magnus had been planning it for months now and lucky enough they had arranged to hold it at the institute as that had been where Alec had started it all. He had been planning on staying on duty, not wanting to be faced with the possibility of seeing Simon actually hitting on someone but Jace had to admit they had a point. Simon was in a rather high up position and it would make the whole alliance thing look bad if he and Jace started arguing in the middle of the party. Simon would have no choice but to act like nothing had gone wrong between them and if he was lucky enough he would stick around long enough for Jace to offer up an explanation as to why he had been acting like the world’s biggest asshole for the past month.

“That easy huh?” Jace didn’t think it would be, nothing involving him and Simon had ever been easy and he didn’t expect it to be any different now. Alec shrugged, Magnus offering him a small reassuring smile and Jace wanted to believe them but he couldn’t. They seemed to be ignoring one glaringly obvious thing that Jace just couldn’t move past because it seemed like the most likely outcome. “And what if he says no, what then?” Jace asked quietly, looking down at his half empty glass like it held all the answers he was seeking. Jace had never been good with rejection, always striving to be what everyone else wanted him to be in an attempt to keep them happy and there. Simon had never wanted that from him though, had accepted him as he was, flaws and all and the thought of Simon looking at him and clearly stating that Jace wasn’t good enough had his free hand trembling and his heart splintering in his chest. He couldn’t even begging to imagine how it would feel if Simon actually turned him down, even if he did want to stay friends.

“Well he’s leaving on Saturday so that gives both of you some time apart to work through your feelings and maybe be able to salvage a friendship out of all this drama you two seem to be breading,” Magnus stats, waving his hand around as he spoke and completely unaware of Alec going ridged next to him. Jace looked up slowly, his breath catching in his throat and heart stuttering in his chest. No, he couldn’t have heard that right. “Leaving. What do you mean Simon’s leaving?” Jace hissed, abandoning his drink to lean forward and stare at Magnus expectantly, waiting for the warlock to tell him he had misheard and Simon wasn’t going anywhere.

Shock and confusion passed through Magnus’s eyes but something about it didn’t look quite right, a glint of something in his eyes that shouldn’t be there. He slowly turned to look at Alec who was wincing like he was in pain. “You hadn’t told him.” It’s not a question, just Magnus stating a fact and Jace wants to demand to know what he hadn’t been told and why they were keeping things from him in the first place but before he can get the words out Alec is turning to look at Magnus with narrowed eyes and biting out an angry “no.” Magnus has the decency to look slightly apologetic but again it doesn’t quite sit right, like he is sorry but not for what he is actually apologizing for. “Oh. I’ll just go get another bottle of wine.” Magnus is up and out of his chair before Jace can demand to know what’s going on, disappearing through the door and out of sight almost as quickly as a vampire would.

Jace instantly turns his attention onto Alec. He knows something, something he had purposely kept from Jace and he wants to know what. “Alec what does he mean Simon’s leaving?” The desperation in Jace’s voice was undeniable, his voice cracking slightly on the last word. Alec sighed, rubbing at his eyes and wincing. Letting his hand fall Alec sat up straighter, taking his arm off the back of Magnus’s chair and lacing his fingers together on the table in front of him. He was wearing the same look he got at work, when he had to deliver news of a hunt gone wrong or give out orders he didn’t agree with. It didn’t fill Jace with confidence and before he even started to speak Jace felt his stomach drop and his guts twist painfully. “The London institute is having some issues with the vampire clans and has asked for a mediator. As Simon is the vampire representative it is his job to deal with these sorts of things.”

The air rushes out of him in one go, Jace deflating at the news and slumping back into his chair. Realistically he knew that Simon wouldn’t stay in New York forever, had known that at some point the vampire would go off and explore what the rest of the world had to offer but for some reason he had never been able to imagine that happening whilst he and the others were still alive. He hadn’t even taken into account that Simon would have to go to other clans to do his job. Simon was a constant in Jace’s life, even when he was angry at Jace and avoiding him at all costs he knew that Simon was there, just within reach but if he went to London than that wouldn’t be true anymore. Good, loyal and reliable Simon would be gone, missing from Jace’s life.

“For how long,” he manages to grit out. It seems like an import thing to know, to establish how long his life will truly be void of Simon. Alec looks tired, like he would rather be anywhere else and Jace can’t blame him for that. He must be able to feel Jace falling apart, little by little and by no means is it a good feeling. “Honestly?” He asks, looking at Jace pointedly and he nods. Alec lying to save his feelings would only make things worse in the long run when Simon didn’t come back when Jace expected him to and he started to panic. “I don’t know. From what the head of the institute there said it could be simply rectified in a day or two or the heads of the clans could dig their heels in and it could take weeks to sort anything out.”

Weeks wasn’t that long. Jace had already gone weeks without seeing or talking to Simon. This will be no different but something about it seemed final, like if Jace let Simon leave without at least attempting to rebuild their friendship then he wouldn’t get the chance to do so again. “Right,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands that lay flat on the table. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you but honestly I thought you two would have sorted this out by now and I wouldn’t have to.” Alec sound sincere and Jace could feel the slight tinge of guilt through their bond.

As his parabatai, yes Alec should have told him but Jace also knew that in a work capacity it had nothing to do with him. Alec had no obligation to inform a random shadowhunter that a vampire representative was being sent to another institute. A month ago Simon would have been the one to tell him, would have come to Jace before anyone else all excited and practically vibrating with it. He would have been happy for Simon, would have listened to his fears and hopefully eased them. Jace would have missed Simon whilst he was gone but he also would have known that Simon would text him constantly and call him at least once a day. A month ago Jace would have been fine with Simon going off to London but a lot had changed in four weeks and now it felt like the vampire was leaving him behind, trying to get as far away from Jace as he could.

A hand slipped into his view, Alec curling his larger hand around Jace’s and squeezing at his clenched fist. Jace slowly turned his hand over, curling his fingers around Alec’s wrist and the other man did the same, the rough pad of his thumb brushing gently across the faded mark of Jace’s strength rune. The action was calming, Jace feeling some of his chaotic emotions mellow out slightly. He was over reacting, just because Simon was leaving for a week or two didn’t mean he was leaving for good. He never had been good at dealing with his emotions though and everything he felt for Simon was just so complicated and messy and Jace still wasn’t sure if he really wanted to face this head on or burry it all again but Jace wasn’t a coward and Alec and Magnus had been right. He had convinced himself that Simon couldn’t feel anything for him other than friendship without even finding out if that was true and he needed to rectify that if he wanted to be able to move on.

“Jace,” Alec called his name and Jace looked up from their joined hands, humming softly. Alec was already looking at him, not quite smiling but not scowling either. He looked slightly apologetic but determined and Jace knew that whatever he was going to say next was a truth that he thought Jace didn’t want to hear but thought he had to and he was most likely right. Jace didn’t like facing his feelings and he didn’t think this would be any different. “If you truly want to fix things with Simon then you are going to have to take responsibility for your actions,” he started cautiously, eyeing Jace wearily but when all he did was sigh and nod Alec continued, more confident now that he knew Jace wasn’t about to get angry with him. “He’s a good guy, if not a little idiotic but you know as well as I do that he wouldn’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone and especially not the people he cares about and he dose care about you Jace, even if its not in the way you want him to. Talk to him, actually listen to what he has to say instead of letting your jealousy and anger get the better of you. Sure maybe he won’t return your feelings but maybe he will and surly knowing either way is better than lying to yourself and driving the people you care about away.”

Jace drops his gaze back down to where they were holding each other’s wrists, his own thumb having started to rub small circles into the pale skin of Alec’s wrist. Talking wasn’t his strong suit, not proper talking anyway, about feelings and being all serious. He was charm and snark and brushing things off so he didn’t have to deal with them. Just like a lot of things tonight Alec was right, Jace needed to know and he did want to fix the mess that his relationship with Simon had become. By the angel Alec was going to be insufferable now. Jace flipped his fringe back, smiling tiredly as he looked up at Alec. “When did you get so smart?” Alec laughed, a smile spreading across his lips and his dark eyes almost seeming to light up. “Being with Magnus has taught me a lot of things, especially how to be honest with myself about my feelings.”

As if summoned by the mention of his name Magnus appeared in the doorway, a bottles of wine clasped tightly in one hand and a corkscrew in the other. He looks down at their clasped hands before darting his gaze up to Alec. “All good?” he asked looking between the two of them. Jace squeezed at Alec’s wrist smiling at his parabatai before looking up at the warlock. “Yeah we’re good.” The slightly guarded look vanishes instantly and Magnus practically beams at them. “Excellent,” he swaggers into the room, slipping into the chair next to Alec effortlessly. “Now how about we draw you up a battle plan for Friday hum?” He uncorks the bottle with a flourish and a pop, looking excitedly between the two of them as he refills their glasses.

He and Alec let go of each other at the same time, Jace relaxing back into his chair and Alec once again draping his arm across Magnus’s shoulders, smiling softly at his husband. Jace is terrified of what’s to come, of what Simon might say, if he will even give Jace the time to get his words out or be patient with him when he inevitably screws up his confession at some point and ends up accidentally insulting the other man but he knows that he has people there to help him pick up the pieces if everything goes wrong and celebrate alongside him if everything goes right. Still smiling he picks up his now full glass, “sounds good,” he says and it really does.

Track Four: Shame on me baby.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter Summary: Simon desperately wants to fix whatever has gone wrong between him and Jace but the shadowhunter seems determined to continue being an ass. That’s fine. If he wants Simon gone then he’s gone. He’s not going to stick around somewhere he clearly isn’t wanted.

<- previous

next ->

first

Jace was acting weird.

It had been a couple of weeks since the bar incident as Simon was calling it and though things had kind of gotten back to normal they were by no means perfect. Despite having still been angry and a little hurt by Jace’s actions the night before Simon had kept his promise and gone to the institute the next day, a mango smoothie in one hand and a club sandwich in the other. It had been meant as a peace offering, something to ease the tension he imagined would greet him at the institute but considering how rude the other man had been the night before Simon hadn’t been completely convinced that Jace wouldn’t just upend the drink over his head as soon as he handed it over.

Things had been a little uncomfortable to start with. Jace was clearly still angry with Simon and though he couldn’t quite understand why he had reacted so badly Simon had tried to rectify whatever had gone wrong between them the night before. He could only assume that Jace had been angry about Simon keeping things from him but he doubted he would ever find out exactly what had been the reason behind Jace being such an asshole because in true Jace fashion they had never actually spoken about it.

Alec had been there when Simon had turned up, he and Jace a whirling mass of limbs and swords and they spared. Simon had gotten to admire the view for all of two seconds before they had noticed he was there and everything had come to a sudden stop. He and Alec were by no means best friends but they were friendly enough and Simon had thought they had gotten past all the anger and animosity but clearly not because Alec had glared at Simon like he wanted to slowly drive a stake through his heart. Simon was man enough to admit that Alec terrified the hell out of him and he knew that whatever had happened between he and Jace needed to be fixed before Alec started cutting off body parts.

Jace had been the one to convince him to leave, Alec clearly reluctant to go but Jace had said his name in that way, all gentle and fond and the other shadowhunter had begrudgingly left them alone, glaring at Simon the whole time as he strode from the room. Once Alec was gone Jace still didn’t acknowledge him though, didn’t even look up at him and instead started tidying away the equipment they had been using. Simon had stood there awkwardly for all of two seconds, unsure what to do but he had never been one to handle the quiet well so he did what he always did and filled it with nerves rambling and pointless pop culture references.

Jace still hadn’t said anything as Simon rambled on, barreling headfirst into the subject and just spewing one apology after another. Simon was sorry, he hadn’t meant to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace or everyone else either but it had just kind of happened and Simon had been terrified that Jace knowing about his sleeping habits would mean he would have to explain why he was acting so out of character and he really didn’t want to have to tell Jace it was all his fault that Simon had ended up in this situation.

Simon had always been aware of how attractive Jace was, right from the very first moment he had laid eyes on the blonde bombshell. It had been part of the reason Simon had disliked him so much, well that and his massively inflated ego and cocky attitude. The point was that even when they had hated each other Simon had known that Jace was always the hottest guy in the room and that had been fine. Simon knew he could never compete with him in that aspect, had accepted that a long time ago but what he hadn’t been counting on was the more he got to know the blonde the more he would grow to actually like Jace.

Simon knew he was bi, had known since he was thirteen and gotten half hard drooling over a half naked Brad Pitt. Clary had known as well, of course she had, they had been best friends after all and told each other everything, well almost everything. Simon had never had the guts to tell her he wanted the love of her life to bend him over the nearest flat surface and make him scream in all the best ways. The point was that Simon hadn’t cared that he found Jace pretty or that he fantasised one to many times about the guy, even if he did feel slightly guilty about getting off to said fantasies afterwards. No what Simon cared about was the fact that it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Simon would have been able to handle that. Jace wasn’t the first straight guy that he had found attractive, it was bound to happen at some point and he would have been able to move on and get over it fairly quickly if it had just been physical but of course he hadn’t been that lucky.

Simon liked Jace. Like, like liked Jace and that was just catastrophic on an apocalyptical level. Mr ‘I’m secure in my sexuality’ Herondale had made it perfectly clear that he was as straight as a flag poll and even if he hadn’t been Simon knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance any way. Guys like him never went for the nerdy and awkward types like Simon, especially not the hot, leather clad angelic warrior kind that had the love of his life already at their side.

He had been jealous, he could admit that. Not just of Jace but Clary to. The two people he cared for the most in the world were happy together and though it left Simon feeling a little out cast he was still happy for them. They were in love and happy and really that was all Simon could ever ask for. So he had put his feelings in a box and buried them as deep as he could and tried to move on. First with Maia and then with Izzy. Neither of those relationships had gone to plan but they had ended amicably and their friendships were probably stronger now thanks to the intimacy they once shared. Simon had moved on, from his puppy love with Clary and his hero worship for Jace, or he thought he had at least but then everything had gone to hell and Simon’s life had started to fall apart once more.

He was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Jace was going through and he had seen it as his duty to help his best friend’s epic love make it through losing her. They had started to spend more time together, to much time if Simon was being honest because that almost forgotten and dust covered box began to crack and everything he had though he had moved on from came pouring back out. He hadn’t moved on at all, just buried it so deep that he had forgotten it was even there.

It was to much sometimes, how full on Jace could be but Simon had wanted to be there for him, wanted to be the friend Jace deserved so he had put Jace’s needs first and forced his own feelings down until they were nothing but a fleeting thought. In the end it had been worth it because now Simon could say without any sarcasm or denial from the other man that he and Jace were friends and close ones at that. If only Jace would have stopped flirting with Simon than he would have been able to stick to the plan and just stayed friends.

Simon wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Jace flirted with anything and everything with a pulse and even those without. He knew Jace didn’t mean anything by it, knew that he was just being himself but Simon wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and every time Jace turned that charming smile on him or winked or made some suggestive comment, Simon could have sworn his dead heart would flutter only to rapidly turn back to stone when he remembered it didn’t mean anything to the blonde. It was exhausting, wearing him down to the point he felt like he was going to snap and just yell at Jace to stop. It was too much and it hurt to have something he so desperately wanted constantly dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away with a melodic laugh and a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Some days he handled it better then others and some days he went home and questioned the choices he had made in his life to end up hopelessly in love with his straight friend who also happened to be his ex’s brother and his best friend’s soul mate. It was like a story line out of one of those trashy teen fantasy adventures and they only ever turned out good for the main characters and Simon definitely wasn’t that.

It was on a particularly bad day that Simon found himself seeking refuge at the Hunters Moon, trying not to down one plasma shot after another. Jace had been to much that day, getting into Simon’s personal space and constantly touching him whilst calling him babe and darling. Simon’s fragile heart hadn’t been able to take it so when Jace had headed off for patrol Simon had turned down the invite to join him and had made up some half formed lie about trying out for a band. He had made a quick escape before anyone could question it, running at full speed and only stopping once he was stood outside the bar.

He had been pleasantly buzzed, just on the right side of drunk when someone had slipped into the empty bar stool next to him and asked him if the brooding vampire act worked for him. He had been confused at first, not thinking she was talking to him because why would she? No one approached Simon and especially not insanely attractive brunettes with legs that went on for days and plush red lips that Simon wanted to sink his teeth into. She had been the complete opposite to Jace, all soft curves and gentle touches where Jace was hard muscles and undeniable strength. Simon had desperately wanted to forget, just for one night that he wasn’t right back where all this craziness had started and hopelessly in love with a friend but unlike with Clary Simon knew there wasn’t a chance that Jace would ever want him back. So Simon had welcomed her advances, a little awkwardly at first but after another drink he had loosened up and actually managed to not embarrass himself for once in his life.

Things had gotten a little hazy after that. There had been more drinking, a lot of flirting and casual touches. Simon remembered almost dropping his drink the first time she touched him, her long and delicate fingers gently stroking up the inside of his thigh. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome and as the night went on he became bolder in his own actions, his confidence growing as time went on.

He had taken her home with him, the two of them all laughter and stolen kisses as they stumbled through his apartment, stripping off the others clothes as they went. It hadn’t been gentle but it had been passionate. Simon had never slept with another vampire before and it had been an experience he wouldn’t forget any time soon. It had been nice not to hold back, to not have to worry about his speed or strength or even his fangs. He hadn’t had to worry about anything apart from making her feel good and Simon knew he was more than capable of doing that.

The next day when he had finally managed to drag himself out of bed the apartment had been a mess, looking like it had been ransacked almost. He had ignored it all, grabbing a couple of bottles of blood and head back to his bed and the women still in it. Though he was hung over he was more than ready to carry on where they had left off and that was exactly what they had done, wasting away the day in a tangle of limbs and sheets, the rest of the world simply falling away as he lost himself in the other vampire. It wasn’t till night had come back round and she had gone that Simon even realized he hadn’t thought of Jace once the whole day.

It had left him stunned, shocked that he hadn’t even noticed the other mans absence, frozen in the living room and clutching a cushion like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the here and now. He had forgotten Jace, hadn’t even spared the blonde a thought, not even to wish it was him in his bed and not the vampire. For one glorious night and day Simon hadn’t been focused on a man he couldn’t have. He felt guilty, especially when he dug his phone out of his jeans and had seen all the miss calls and texts from Jace as well as a few from Izzy to. He had text him back straight away apologizing for being MIA and promising to meet Jace in an hour for his patrol. The only reply he had gotten was a demand for coffee and a cinnamon roll, something Simon was more than capable of providing.

Simon didn’t know why but when Jace had asked him about his absence all day he hadn’t been able to tell him why. It was like the words had got stuck in his throat, refusing to move past his lips. He felt guilty, a little ashamed over what he had done because as much as he had enjoyed the vampires company he had used her as a distraction, a way to cover up and redirect his feelings for Jace. How could he tell Jace that he had spent the day between someone else’s legs to forget about him? So he hadn’t, had carried on with his lie about joining a band and when Jace had pushed for information Simon had brushed him off and changed the subject, rambling a mile a minuet about the new Marvel movie he wanted to see.

He hadn’t meant for it to become a thing but once could be classed as a mistake, a second time a case of bad judgment but a third, a fourth? That was when it became a habit. Every time it became to much, when Simon felt like he was just seconds away from cracking and pinning Jace down and telling him everything he had kept bottled up for so long, Simon would go out looking for a distraction and he found one every time.

He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism but it had worked well enough for Jace before, well everything and it wasn’t like Simon was hurting anyone other than himself. He could ask Jace to stop with the flirting and casual touches and Simon knew that was probably what he should have done but he didn’t want Jace to feel like he couldn’t be himself around Simon, that he didn’t like the person Jace was because that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. So he kept his mouth shut and endured the teasing, the flirting, the way Jace would touch him so casually and completely unaware that it left Simon feeling like his skin was burning. Simon just gritted his teeth and plaster on a wide smile acting like it was nothing, normal even and somewhere along the line it had become normal for them to flirt and joke about being a old married couple.

The worst thing was that it help Simon’s confidence, the more Jace pretended to hit on him the better Simon became at flirting and picking people up. He was getting a bit of a reputation in the down world and Maia thought it was hilarious how he and Jace had seemed to of switched roles. That wasn’t lost on Simon. He was now the one with a phone full of casual flings and a name to hide it all behind and Jace was the one who seemed incapable of picking anyone up if the way he had crashed and burned the other week was any indication.

It worked for Simon though, surprisingly well actually and as the weeks turned to months and his confidence grew Simon found himself able to get through the day without worrying about Jace and how easy he could screw up the friendship he valued over everything else. He flirted back now, liked how Jace just beamed at him when he did like it was some fantastical inside joke that the two of them shared. Simon channeled everything he felt for Jace into his one night stands and casual flings and his life seemed to balance out, Simon finally able to be the friend that Jace deserved.

Simon hadn’t told Jace any of that though. He was already angry enough with Simon as it was and he didn’t want Jace punching him in the face and telling him to get lost and never find his way back. Instead he had apologized for the secrecy and the lies. He was sorry he had kept it a secret but he hadn’t meant to, it had just kind of happened and any way he hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal considering Jace’s own lifestyle before Clary had shown up. He promised not to lie in the future and swore that he hadn’t meant to hurt Jace by making him feel like Simon didn’t trust him or worse yet didn’t care about him.

Jace had sat there the whole time, silently sipping at his drink and eating his sandwich, not giving Simon any indication that he was even listening to him as he paced up and down the training room. It was only when he finally stopped rambling that Jace spoke, offering up a simple ‘okay’. Simon hadn’t really understood, parroting the word back at the blonde in confusion. Jace had just rolled his eyes, insisting it was fine, Jace wasn’t his keeper and if Simon wanted to screw around with half the down world then that was his prerogative. Jace didn’t care were he stuck his dick as long as it didn’t interfere with there work.

That had hurt a little, not as much as the night before but still left Simon feeling ashamed of himself. He had taken Jace’s forgiveness though, grasped it with both hands like the pathetic and desperate mess he was, still is. He was just glad that Jace wasn’t mad at him anymore. He hadn’t pushed for more time when Jace had gone off to find Alec, Jace patting him on the shoulder as he walked passed and reminding Simon about their scheduled trading the next day.

It had been a relief but something about it had all seemed a little off. Jace had been quiet, more subdued and a little somber. It had worried Simon that Jace hadn’t actually forgiven anything and had only said he had to avoid any problems between the two of them. But he put his faith in Jace, trusting that after everything they had been through that Jace wouldn’t lie to him like that but as the weeks passed Simon was starting to think that he had damaged their relationship beyond repair and he couldn’t understand how.

Things were a little weird between them now and Simon couldn’t pin point the exact reason why. He would have thought it was because Jace had seen Simon making out with a guy but he knew that was absurd because Jace had no problem with Alec or Magnus so why would he have a problem with Simon about it. Jace didn’t flirt as much now, didn’t touch Simon as much either and Simon knew that he should be thankful for that but it left him feeling weird, almost on edge, like he was touch starved and desperately awaiting the next moment he could feel Jace’s hands on him. He hadn’t realise how much Jace touched him until it all seemed to stop and now Simon was left feeling disappointed and sad every time that touch never came. It was like he was being punished and Simon was close to a full blown breakdown. In fact he might even start crying if Jace goes to touch him only to change his mind at the last second.

Maybe it was because Jace had found out that Simon was bi. Maybe he was worried that their casual flirting would give Simon ideas that Jace wanted nothing to do with. Simon wasn’t stupid though and he knew that it didn’t mean anything to Jace, not like it did for him and Simon would never act on any of his feelings, ever. He wanted Jace in his life and he was well aware he would only get that if they were friends and Simon had come to terms with that, except he wasn’t so sure they were friends any more.

They hadn’t been spending as much time together outside of training and patrols, Jace always saying he didn’t want to ruin any plans Simon might have. He would wink at Simon, make some comment about his sex life that always left Simon feeling ashamed and dirty and like Jace was judging him for how he spent his nights. He was sure he was being punished, kept at arms length and it hurt. He felt like they were going backwards, the friendship that Simon valued so much slowly unravelling with every refused offer to hang out or aborted touch. It hurt to lose that closeness and Simon didn’t know what to do to fix it outside of getting into another relationship with a women just so Jace wouldn’t worry about Simon’s interest in him. Well that or becoming a priest but that would be difficult considering he still couldn’t say g-ah.

“I hate it when you do that.” Izzy’s voice yanked Simon out of his head and away from his spiraling thought, his head snapping up from where he had been starting unseeingly down at the table. “Huh?” She sighed, rolling her eyes as she put down the tablet she had been holding and looked pointedly at him. “Stop breathing and go all still. You look like a depressed statue.” Simon’s jerks up straight, forcing himself to take unneeded breaths once more. He hadn’t even noticed, had been so consumed with everything going on in his head that he didn’t realise he had just checked out of what was going on around him.

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking off to the side. The ops center was busy, shadowhunters milling around and going about their daily tasks like a vampire wasn’t stood amongst them. He supposed they were used to him but now considering how much time he spent in the institute. Izzy had joked about him moving in once, making some teasing comment about how he and Jace were practically dating anyway so they should just move in together and make it official. Simon had almost choked on his blood but Jace had laughed and slung his arm around Simon’s shoulder, casually commenting on the fact he didn’t have enough space in his room for all Simon’s nerd stuff so he should just move into Simon’s apartment instead.

It was things like that that left Simon scrambling, unsure what to do with his feelings. He had played along, joking about not having nearly enough room in his bathroom cupboards for all of Jace’s hair products whilst internally he had been struggling not to imagine how his home would look if Jace was to share it with him. He hated how much he wanted that. Wanted to come home to the gentle sound of piano music and blades stored amongst the umbrellas and the fridge full of food alongside his bottles of blood. It was a pointless fantasy and whenever someone brought things like that up it always left Simon feeling alone, his apartment to big just for him.

“So you want to tell me?” Izzy asked, not even looking at Simon as she began to pull up reports. Simon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the edge of the table. “Tell you what?” he said casually, planning on feigning ignorance for as long as he could. This was one secret he would keep and he wouldn’t let Isabelle bully it out of him. She glanced up from her tablet, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Why all the depressed statue nonsense.” Simon pursed his lips, giving Izzy his best unimpressed look. He wasn’t a depressed statute, he was a melancholy vampire. There was a difference. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Simon mumbled, lifting his head up and looking off to the side.

Izzy huffed in amusement, her attention going back to her work even though a wide smile stretched across her plump red lips. She looked good, always did and though Simon loved where they were now he did regret that they hadn’t worked out. He could see himself really loving Izzy, the two of them maybe even getting married and adopting little shadowhunter’s but it wasn’t fair to her, to ask for that sort of commitment when he was in love with her brother and sure, maybe if he had stuck it out and worked at it he would have fallen out of love with Jace eventually but he didn’t want to get five years down the line and the two of them thinking about all the kind of things that came with a long term relationship and still be pining after Jace. It wasn’t fair and he wouldn’t do that to her, Simon cared too much about her to do that to her.

“Sure and it’s nothing to do with the little lovers quarrel you and Jace are having?” Simon narrowed his eyes at her, not at all impressed with the knowing look or satisfied smirk she was giving him. “We’re not lovers,” he grumbled. They weren’t lovers and at this rate Simon didn’t think he would be able to call them friends for much longer. “But you are fighting?” Crap. He had walked straight into that one, focusing on the one thing she knew annoyed him. Sighing he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. “We’re not fight we’re…I don’t know it’s….complicated.” He cringed as he stumbled over his words, not really knowing how to even begin describing what was happening between him and Jace because Simon simply didn’t know. They definitely weren’t fighting but something was going on between them and it wasn’t good.

Izzy looked up, frown in place and a demand for more information already on the tip of her tongue. Simon can’t do it, can’t stand here and talk about his big gay crush on his ex’s brother or the fact that he was coping with that attraction by sleeping with anyone who showed interest. Maia was right, he is a slut. “Look its fine, we’re fine,” he rushed out, waving off whatever she had been about to ask and taking a step backwards without looking. “It’s not important and stupid. We’ll be right as rain in no time,” Simon rambled, still not paying attention as he walked backwards and tried to get as far away from the current conversation as he could without being rude.

He was so caught up with what he was saying that Simon didn’t notice the shadowhunter behind him until his shoulder slammed into them and he stumbled backwards. Strong hands gripped his arm and waist, stopping him from falling flat on his ass. With wide eyes he looked up at the man scowling down at him, his blue eyes filled with annoyance. “Watch where you’re going,” he growled and Simon quickly righted himself, giving the guy a sheepish look as he huffed and continued on his way. G-ah he couldn’t do anything right could he? Not even something as simple was walking.

“Careful, we wouldn’t want any more accidents.” Simon spun back round at the teasing words, Izzy smiling widely up at him. Panic set in, Simon feeling a cold dread seep into his very soul but it was replaced quickly by a wave of anger. “He told you?” Simon hissed. She knew, she had to know to have said that and looking at Simon all knowingly and sly. He didn’t know why but Simon had thought Jace had kept it to himself but why would he? Simon should have known that he would tell at least Isabelle, Alec and by extension Magnus. His whole core friend group probably knew by now what Simon had been doing when he had been pretending to be off at band practice. He felt judged and he didn’t like it, especially coming from the likes of Izzy and Jace, two people who had still probably slept with more people than Simon had.

“No,” Izzy spoke cautiously, eyeing Simon like she was worried that he was about go hunt down Jace and start yelling at him. Honestly it was tempting. Simon got he was angry about the lying and weirded out by the whole bi thing but what right did he have to make any kind of judgment on how Simon spent his free time or with who he sought the company of? Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and Jace shouldn’t be making him feel so shitty about his chosen life style when he had been just as bad once, if not worse. Simon wanted to go find Jace in whatever room he had hidden himself away in and demand an explanation, to call him out on all the utter bullshit of the last few weeks and finally find out what his problem truly was instead of tip toeing around the issue because he was afraid of damaging their already strained relationship beyond repair. Simon loved Jace, he did but just because he loved the man didn’t mean he would stand there and let him treat him like that.

“Maia did.” Izzy’s tentative words cut through Simon’s tangent, his anger at Jace easing ever so slightly. Simon groaned, the tension leaving his shoulders as his head fell forward into his hands. Of course Maia would have told Izzy, those two got on surprisingly well and loved nothing more than to triad embarrassing stories about Simon. He knew he was just lashing out at Jace because he was hurt by the other mans treatment of him but that didn’t change anything. Jace was being kind of shitty to Simon at the moment and Simon could live with that if he only knew the reason why.

Of all the stupid and idiotic things he could halve said though, calling it an accident had probably been up there with trying to hiding it all in the first place but it had been an accident. Simon hadn’t meant to pick up both of them, had only intended to score a date with Alva but when he had turned up and she had been sat waiting with Alvin he hadn’t had the heart to turn the man away. And anyway Alvin was insanely attractive, they both were and Simon would be lying if he said that a threesome wasn’t a fantasy of his, he had just always imagined it with Clary and some other unspecified person. There had been a few months where Simon had imagined a tumble or two with Clary and Jace but he had quickly shut that thought down, not wanting to get too fixated on the blonde.

A lot of good that had done him.

Izzy laughed, clearly enjoying Simon’s embarrassment. “Shut up,” he mumbled even as he smiled softly at her. He was still a little annoyed at Maia but he had never actively set out to hide, it had just happened that way and he was surprised it had taken this long for him to be found out. “It was kind of idiotic, even for you,” Isabelle smiled at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she teased him. Simon laughed gently, stepping back up to the table and leaning against it again. “Yeah well, I never said I was smart.” He was an idiot when it came to all things Jace and when faced with the blonde’s anger Simon had faltered, losing whatever confidence he had had when it had just been him and the two seelie’s.

They lapsed into silence, Izzy tapping away and Simon just stood there watching. He made a conscious effort this time to move every now and then and made sure that he kept up the charade of breathing. The silence didn’t last long though, Izzy speaking before he got too bogged down in his thoughts. “Is that why you and Jace are fighting.” Simon sighed. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave it alone. He could brush it off, should just leave but Simon was tired and he wanted to talk to someone about it because it was exhausting dealing with the emotional whiplash. He just wanted things back to normal and without asking Magnus to rewind time Simon was at a loss as what to do.

“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on with Jace right now. He’s been off with me since he found out about the whole-” Simon gestured at himself, “band practice thing.” Simon sighed, his posture slumping as he braced his hands on the desk and let his head fall forward to hang between his arms. Why was his life always so complicated? Just for once he wanted to just cost through life without any problems or ridiculous complications. He just wanted to exist, happy and carefree for just one day. That wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

“Simon,” Izzy sighed, her delicate looking hand appearing in his field of vision as she placed it over one of his. Simon lifted his head slightly, looking up at her through his lashes. She was giving him a sad smile, her head tipped to the side slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulder in dark and silky waves. “Can you really not think of a reason why he would be acting like he is?” she urged softly and Simon frowned. He thought it was because Jace was annoyed by Simon’s secrecy and that he was uncomfortable with finding out that Simon was into guys but from the look Izzy was giving him he thought that maybe it was something else but Simon just couldn’t see what else she would be implying.

Before he could tell he that though his phone started to ring, the opening bars of the Star Wars theme loud and jarring in the mostly muffled murmur of the room. Snatching his hand away Simon fumbled for his phone, fishing it out of his back pocket and flipping it over to see who it was. Though he knew it wouldn’t be Jace, the blonde having his own ringtone of the Captain America theme, there had still been a spark of hope that it would have been the blonde. As the name Tyler flashed across the screen though Simon felt nothing but disappointment. He supposed it was a blonde, just the wrong one.

Simon had met Tyler a couple of months ago at the Jade Palace and well, Simon had been gone the second he had walked in the door. He was tall, with long dirty blonde hair and eyes grey like a storm was rolling in. He clearly worked out, his obvious muscles rippling as he moved and Simon hadn’t been able to look away, transfixed by the animal like grace he possessed. Simon should have ran in the opposite direction, should have known that it would make things worse for him in the long run but he had spent the whole day with Jace, the other man flirting like he was actively trying to get Simon into bed as they spared and Simon had been desperate for something to help him get rid of the tension running through his body and the hunger singing in his veins.

It was easy to see the similarities between Jace and Tyler, wasn’t lost on Simon why the werewolf had caught his attention in the first place. The guy was cocky and arrogant though and unlike with Jace where it was earned and kind of endearing it just made the werewolf come across as a complete and utter asshole. He was mean as well, spiteful even, not really caring about his cruel words or too tight grip. Simon had known it was a terrible decision to get involved with him yet he kept going back like the stupid and pathetic mess that he was. He was the only person Simon was seeing on a semi regular basis that he didn’t actually like. The sex was always good but Simon always felt like shit afterwards and no matter how long he spent in the shower he could never get the feeling of being dirty to go away.

“Are you going to answer that?” Simon darted his eyes up to Izzy. “Erm no,” he answered quickly, declining the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket. She raised an eyebrow at him and Simon shrugged, pointedly not looking her in the eye. “You know I don’t mind if it was someone trying to set up a date?” She smiled reassuringly at him and Simon felt something inside him crack a little. “No, I did not know that,” he said honestly, admitting to his fear that she would think less of him for his actions. “It’s just sex Simon and as long as you’re being safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult no one has any right to judge you for it, least of all us.”

Simon wanted to laugh at that, wanted to ask if she could go tell Jace that because he was definitely judging Simon for his sex life. “No. Yeah. Sure. Everything’s safe, sane and consenting. Well mostly sane, sometimes we might be a little drunk,” Simon rambled, the words rushing out of him in a bid to reassure Izzy that he wasn’t a complete screw up. She was smiling fondly at him, the same look she always gave him when he was being like this. It was nice, reassuring to know that nothing had changed between them. He didn’t realise how much he had need someone to let him know everything was okay until Izzy had. His happiness was quickly swallowed up by hurt and anger though as Simon’s mind went back to Jace. Why was it so easy for Izzy to accept it, to accept him and to act like nothing had changed when Jace couldn’t even look him in the eye now?

As if he had been summoned just by the thought of him Jace came bounding down the stairs, smirking as he made his way towards them. “Who’s drunk and why wasn’t I invited?” He barely even glanced at Simon as he walked round the table coming to a stop next to Izzy and placing his own tablet down. “No one,” Simon rushed out before Izzy could say anything, shooting her a glare as she laughed. Jace looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow at Simon as if he expected an explanation but considering how Jace had been lately Simon really didn’t want to bring his sex life into any conversation that Jace was involved in.

“Not in the talking mood today? That’s new,” Jace said teasingly and Simon turned his glare towards him, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Jace snorted in laughter, a genuine smile spreading across his lips and Simon instantly felt his glare soften. The last few weeks those smiles had been rare and seeing it now left Simon feeling warm, like the first time he had been able to stand in the sunlight after he became a vampire. The feeling didn’t last long.

“Simon’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to arrange band practice in front of us,” Izzy teased, smiling widely across the table at Simon as she nocked her shoulder into Jace’s. The smile fell from Jace’s lips instantly, hurt and disappointment flickering behind Jace’s eyes. “Izzy,” Simon hissed angrily at her even as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Jace, watching as he just kind of shut down. Jace laughed but it was hollow, his smile obviously fake to Simon who had spent years watching the other man. “What’s the matter Lewis, afraid we’ll find out who your band mates are?” His voice was light and teasing as he spoke and to anyone else it probably would have seemed like the three of them were sharing a joke but Simon caught the slight bite to his name, the minuscule twitch of his lips into a frown at the end. Jace only ever called him Lewis when he was angry with him. Well that or mundie but that one always seemed to hurt more, like he couldn’t even acknowledge everything that had happened since he and Simon had first met.

“No, I thought we could hang out. Maybe go see a movie and get dinner. My treat,” Simon said quietly, his voice surprisingly flat and lacking any real emotion behind it. That had been why Simon had come to the institute, hoping to spend time with Jace and try and fix things but he had known the moment he had walked into the ops center and Jace had walked out that he wasn’t going to get the chance. Nothing had changed since then, in fact his chances of getting any time with Jace had probably gone down. “Nah, wouldn’t want you missing out on quality band time.” Jace didn’t even look up from the tablet he was fiddling with, his eyes tracking across the screen as he clicked on one thing than another.

“I don’t care about ‘band time’,” Simon spat out, making air quotes for it’s his fingers around the last two words, not that Jace was looking at him to see. Anger swirled in his stomach, his hands gripping at the edge of the table and eyes firmly fixed in the blonde. He wanted Jace to look at him. For once Simon wanted Jace to actually look at him and see what he was doing to him. Jace’s shoulders tensed, his hand stilling for a second before he continued with his work, his eyes never straying from the screen and sounding almost bored when he spoke. “It’s fine, go have fun with your groupies, we don’t need you here.” Simon felt his words like a slap to the face.

Jace had said a lot of crappy things to him since they had first met but somehow hearing him say he didn’t need him broke Simon’s cold dead heart in two. It felt like he was being told to get out and not come back, that Jace was trying to force him out of his life without actually having to say it. Simon knew he didn’t mean it like that, well he hoped he didn’t but the casual dismissal of Simon had his gut twisting, the thought of Jace not wanting him in any capacity making him feel sick.

“Look at me,” Simon demanded. If Jace wanted him gone then he could at least do Simon the favor of looking him in the eye when he told him. Jace’s heart rate picked up, his jaw clenched and eye twitching. Still he didn’t look up though, his eyes staying firmly fixed on the tablet in his hands. Simon wanted to yank it away from him, throw it across the room and listen to the satisfy noise as it shattered against the floor. “Look. At. Me,” he growled out, his anger swelling with every second that Jace ignored him. It was a simple request, all he wanted was to see the look in Jace’s eyes as he ripped Simon’s heart out. Maybe then he would be able to move on with his life and stop chasing someone who clearly didn’t want him.

Sighing Jace’s shoulders slumped slightly and finally he lifted his gaze up. “What?” he snapped in annoyance, glaring at Simon and if his heart was still beating Simon was sure it would have stopped. His eyes were dark and stormy, looking at Simon like he was nothing, an inconvenience. He looked so angry, glaring at Simon like he was the cause of all Jace’s problems and maybe he was. Faced with such hate Simon felt all the fight drain out of him.

What was he doing? Clearly Jace was done with him, probably was only being nice to avoid issues with Izzy and the work Simon did with Alec and the downworld council. He was making things worse like always. Jace was trying to make a clean break and here he was refusing to play along. Whatever had shifted for Jace that night clearly was bad enough that he didn’t want to salvage their friendship and Simon should respect that. Jace didn’t want or need him and the sooner he realized that the better it would be for both of them.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Simon said softly, his eyes dropping in an attempt to escape Jace’s cold and angry eyes. He didn’t wait for an answer, didn’t want to hear Jace’s snarky and biting retort. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, keeping his head down and turned, walked away from them and the last shred of hope he had held onto of salvaging his and Jace’s relationship. “Simon!” He ignored Izzy’s loud cry of his name, speeding up as he strode from the room. He was desperate to get away before the tears began to fall and he made more of a fool of himself. He didn’t want Jace to see how much he had hurt him either, didn’t want Jace to see just how much Simon cared about what he though of him.

Simon couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, couldn’t understand why Jace was acting the way he was. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and the fact he was treating Simon like he had was just unfair. Izzy was right, no one had the right to judge him for having an active sex life and especially not Jace bloody Herondale. Sure Simon had kept it a secret but Jace hadn’t gone around broadcasting his sexcapades to everyone either and sure that might have been because he didn’t want Clary to know how big a man whore he was but that just drew even more similarities between what Jace had done and what Simon was doing now.

To hell with Jace. If he wanted to throw away their friendship then so be it. Simon was done being the one to always apologize. If Jace wanted fix things between them than he knew where Simon was and until then he planned on staying as far away from Jace as he could. He clearly didn’t want Simon in his life and he could at least grant the asshole that.

As he shoved through the institute doors Simon yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with electricity, the need to do something to get rid of all his pent up anger and aggression almost driving him mad. He needed to fight or fuck and lucky enough for him he had a whole phone of people willing to help him with the latter and one in particular who would be down for a mix of the two.

He clicked on Tyler’s contact, the phone ringing twice before the other man picked up. “Knew you couldn’t stay away,” he growled, a confident lilt to his voice that had Simon cringing. “My afternoon just opened up,” Simon said in answer, choosing to ignore his previous comment. “Lucky you.” Yeah lucky, that’s totally how Simon would describe his current situation. “Sure, be at my place in an hour or don’t bother coming at all.” Simon hung up before Tyler could spew any more crap and before he could change his mind. It was a bad decision but Simon was just full of those at the moment so why not add one more to the ever frowning list. It wasn’t like anyone cared what he did, not the ones that mattered anyway.

Track Three: This night ain’t for the faint of heart.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter summary: Jace is determined to prove to himself and everyone else that he doesn’t need Simon to have fun and he’s doing just that until life throws him yet another curveball and Jace finds out that band practice isn’t what he thought it was.

<- previous

next ->

first

He ends up at the Hunters Moon.

Jace swept his eyes across the room as he strode through the door, the soldier in him instantly checking for threats and making sure there were viable escape routes in case it came down him needing to make a quick exit. Not that he thought he would. Jace just wanted a drink to help drown out the realization of how boring and pathetic his life had become.

It wasn’t that busy but Jace hadn’t expected it to be considering it was the middle of the week but that was fine, he wasn’t really looking to interact with anyone and less people meant he was les likely to be bothered. There were a couple of werewolves playing pool, a lone vampire at the bar nursing a pint of blood and what Jace suspected to be a warlock and sorceress whispering at the table just to his right. In the far corner, half hidden in shadows there was what appeared to be another vampire getting rather cozy with a couple of seelie’s. Not that Jace could see much considering how the seelie’s were seated, one on either side of the vampire and leaning into his space. Jace could just make out the guys chest and a tuft of dark hair sticking up above the seelie’s long white blonde hair as they exchanged kisses.

Jace quickly moved his gaze on, wanting to give the others some privacy, well that and he didn’t want to be reminded of a certain vampire he wanted to get cozy with. Jace had half hoped that maybe there would have been someone for him to charm into his bed, a willing beauty that could help take his mind off Simon, if only for one night but it seemed the angels were not on his side and Jace had to resign himself to a night sat at the bar and irritating Maia until she undoubtedly kicked him out. It was probably for the best. The last time he had tried to pick someone up Jace had gotten as far as heavily making out down a back alley but it hadn’t felt right, Jace not into it at all and he had ended up sending the vampire off with an apology and a half asked ‘it’s not you it’s me’. He had been lucky she had been so understanding because after leading her on like that he definitely had deserved a slap at least.

Slipping into one of the stalls Jace didn’t have to wait long before Maia was striding towards him, looking equal parts bored and annoyed. “Oh yay, your here,” she deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest as she came to a stop in front of him. Jace smirked, leaning forward on his elbows and looked up at her through his lashes. “I know, my presence is just that amazing but please, try and resist the magnetic pull of my charm and dashing good looks.” Maia’s scowl deepened, her eyes narrowing and lips pursing. Jace just kept smirking, wiggling his eyebrows at her until she huffed, and rolling her eyes at him. Her ridged posture eased, her arms falling to her side and an almost fond smile tugging at her lips. “I’m sure I’ll manage.” She turned her back on Jace as she spoke, ducking down to grab a bottle of beer out of the fridge behind her.

A year or so ago Jace’s eyes would have dropped down to her ass, watching the way her denim skirt rode up the back of her thighs slightly but his eyes didn’t stray from the back of her head. They had developed a friendship, one that was mostly Jace flirting badly and Maia insulting him but it was a friendship none the less. “Try all you want but we both know I’m irresistible.” Jace winked as she turned back round but all he got was another exasperated look, Maia popping the cap off the bottle and placing it down on the counter in front of him. He snatched it up almost instantly, taking a long drag of it and moaning softly at the bitter taste.

Jace didn’t drink as much as he used to and when he did it tended to be beer with a low alcohol content and even then it was only a bottle or two. He had heard Simon talk about his mum’s addiction enough to know what the signs were and the pained look on the vampires face every time Jace just kept drinking was enough to have him realizing that if he carried on he would develop a problem that could fuck with his life in ways he didn’t want. That didn’t stop him from enjoying a drink every now and then though but it kept him aware enough that getting black out drunk would not solve his problems, would just make them go away for a little while before they came back full force and left him feeling even more shitty.

“The only thing you’re irresistible to is herpes,” Maia grumbled. Jace ignored her. He was getting good at that, ignoring the things he didn’t want to see or hear until they went away. The only thing it didn’t seem to be working on was Simon because no matter how hard he tried Jace just couldn’t seem to stop wanting things he had no right to be wanting. Ignoring it wasn’t working and Jace could only hope that putting some distance between them would resolve it. He couldn’t help but wonder if Simon had felt like this all those years he had spent mooning over Clary, unable to walk away even though he knew it would probably have been for the best. Not that Jace was mooning over Simon, nope, no way, well not unless you counted the amount of time Jace spent looking at Simon’s ass but that wasn’t the same thing. Jace wasn’t in love with Simon like the brunette had been with Clary. Jace was in lust and he blamed his lack of a sex life on his fixation as well as the amount of time they spent together.

“So why are you here?” Maia’s snarky voice snapped Jace out of his stupor and he looked up from where his gaze had fallen to the counter, Jace not having even realized he was frowning down at the scratched and stained surface. “It’s your stunning personality and winning smile. I just couldn’t stay away,” Jace smirked, leaning forward slightly and tipping his head to the side, letting his bangs fall forward. He was deflecting and they both knew it. Jace could only hope she would take the hint but of course he wouldn’t be that lucky.

Maia scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest again and looked down at Jace with amusement, a knowing smirk pulling up the corner of her mouth. “Sure, and it has nothing to do with Simon ditching you again.” Jace’s smile fell and he jerked back in his seat. “Simon didn’t ditch me,” he snapped, his grip tightening on his beer as annoyance sank in and he glared back at her. There was no ditching, they were both adults with their own lives outside of each other. They didn’t have to spend every second of every day together and Jace would really like for people to just stop trying to push him and Simon into something they just weren’t and would never be.

Maia’s eyes flicked up, looking over Jace’s shoulder. She scrunched up her nose slightly, pulling the same face she did when Simon and Clary used to be overly affectionate to each other. “Sure looks like he’s ditched you.” She wasn’t looking at him as she spoke, her eyes still stuck somewhere behind Jace and voice distracted. If he had to guess Jace would assume she was looking at the seelie’s and unfortunate vampire stuck between them. They were probably getting a bit to handsy, Maia trying to decide if she should kick them out or not. Jace said let them go at it, at this rate watching a threesome between two seelie’s and a vampire was probably the closest he was going to get to actual sex any time soon. At least someone was getting lucky, instead of the sad and pathetic wanks that seemed to be the only thing Jace was going to get until he got past his infatuation with Simon bloody Lewis.

“Well he didn’t,” Jace snapped, any calm he had built up on the walk over from the institute was now completely gone. He felt on edge, angry and ready for at least an argument if not a fight. He hated how riled up he got when it came to all things Simon, how easy it was to get under his skin with just the mention of the vampire. “Uh huh. So why are you here and he’s ov…” Jace cut her off, the glass creaking slightly as his grip tightened. “Simon had band practice and I wanted a drink. We are allowed to do things on our own.” This wasn’t how he had wanted to spend his evening. He had wanted to get away from Simon’s ever looming presence, not defend his reasons for not having the vampire with him.

“Is that what he’s calling it,” she mumbled, her attention still firmly fixed on what was happening behind him and only half paying attention to their conversation. “What are you even looking at?” He grumbled, already turning in his seat and craning his head round to look behind him. Jace caught a glimpse of fluffy brown hair as the vampire ducked down to mouth at an exposed neck before a loud bang came from the other end of the bar and Jace snapped his head back round, startled by the sudden nose.

The vampire at the other end of the bar banged his empty glass on the table before lifting it and waiving it towards them. He looked completely out of it, eyes hazy and clothes rumpled. He looked like he should have been cut off at least two drinks ago and by the resigned look Maia is wearing Jace assumes that was what was about to happen. “Want me to throw him out?” he offered, knowing full well that she didn’t need his help. “I’ve got it.” Maia drew herself up to her full height, head held high and stalked down the bar towards the annoyed looking blood sucker.

Smirking Jace turned away, staring at the empty glasses and half filled bottles along the wall as he took another swig of his beer. He sat in silence for a while, sipping his drink and staring unseeingly ahead of him, just listening to the gentle murmur of the bar around him. For a while it worked, Jace’s mind blissfully blank but soon enough his fingers started to twitch. Jace had never been good at doing nothing, always the one for action and even just sitting at the bar was proving difficult. It wouldn’t have been a problem if someone else was there to keep him company, a constant stream of chatter and engagement that would keep Jace from thinking about every moment of his life that had led up to this point. Sitting alone and drinking cheep beer had probably not been the best idea.

Placing his mostly empty bottle down Jace fished his phone out of his pocket in the hopes of finding something to distract him. Simon had installed a couple of games for him, as well as having shown Jace the joys and horrors of YouTube, though Jace didn’t quite get some of the stuff Simon had shown him on there he did enjoy watching the weapon crafting videos as well as ones on combat and cute puppies. There had to be something he could find to pass the time until Maia came back for him to irritate.

Unlocking his phone though reminded Jace that he hadn’t bothered to close down his messages and he was greeted with his last few exchanges with Simon. Because he was a glutton for punishment Jace started to scroll back, re-reading his exchanges with the vampire. Mostly it was stupid stuff, the two of them exchanging small talk or arranging where they would meet and what to do. Sometimes they spoke about the down world and shadowhunters and sometimes they passed on their fears and doubts, the things they still struggled with and the other would listen, offering up understanding and advice when needed.

Throughout all that though was the teasing, their friendly banter and gentle ribbing still there but between all that there was something else. It was in Jace’s nature to be slightly suggestive and charming, flirting with almost everyone and he was used to everyone just rolling their eyes at him and getting on with it but at some point shy dorky Simon had flirted back as if it was normal and everything had just gotten weird after that.

It had been after he had had his little epiphany, Jace seemingly unable to not hit on Simon now he had realized how into him he was. It just became another part of their relationship and it was driving Jace crazy. He knew Simon only did it for fun, always smiling and laughing as Jace called him baby and in return Simon called him angel boy. Maybe he would have gotten over his little infatuation already if Simon had been the same as everyone else, scoffing and rolling his eyes and just ignoring the fact Jace had called him pretty or had made comments like earlier on whilst training, implying something sexual. Simon didn’t though and though Jace knew it didn’t mean anything for him, he couldn’t help the little thrill of excitement that shot through him every time Simon paid him the kind of attention he craved from the vampire.

It was pathetic, he was pathetic. Clinging onto those moments where he could pretend that after the flirting and the teasing winks he would be able to follow it all up with light touches and demanding kisses. By the angel what was wrong with him? He had never used to be like this, not till Clary had come barging into his life and ripped down all his carefully crafted defenses. He was going soft and that only led to people getting hurt or worse and Jace really didn’t think he could live through loosing someone else, not so soon after Clary.

Another bottle of beer being put down in front of him startles Jace out of the dark places his mind was beginning to wander to and he looks up to find Maia looking down at him with concern, even if she was trying to cover it up with annoyance. “Could you not do that-” Maia waved her hand in front of Jace’s face, “here, you’re scaring the customers away.” Jace arched an eyebrow at her as he pointedly glanced around him at the still mostly empty bar. His brooding, as Simon called it, wasn’t scaring anyone off as there wasn’t anyone there to begin with.

Maia huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Stop pining like some sort of kicked puppy. It’s pathetic and weird.” Jace scowled, finishing off his beer and then starting in the other one, hoping to chase away one bitter taste with the other. “I’m not pining,” he gritted out. They needed to stop with this pining bullshit or Jace was going to punch something.

Maia scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at Jace like he was an idiot. He was sure her and Izzy practiced that look together, giving the other tips on the best way to look both bored and annoyed at the same time as well as a little condescending. “If you didn’t want to see him getting all cozy with the stepford twins then why did you even bother coming here?” Jace looked back at her dumbly. He didn’t understand her reference and had no idea what she was talking about. He knew she must be taking about Simon but he hadn’t seen the other man with anyone else in the last couple of months, let alone twins. No, if Simon was in a relationship Jace would know about it, the vampire couldn’t keep a secret even if he tried and there was no way he wouldn’t have told Jace the moment he started seeing someone. Simon told him everything and he wouldn’t keep something like that from him.

“What are you even on about?” Jace snapped, confused and feeling angry that Maia may know something about Simon that he didn’t. Huffing she rolled her eyes, uncrossing her arms to point behind Jace. Frowning he turned, following Maria’s outstretched arm until he was looking at the table in the far corner. He sucked in a breath, eyes going wide as the world around him seemed to stop.

The seelie’s had moved, sitting back and sipping at their drinks. Now that they were facing forward Jace could clearly see that one of them was a guy, his shirt open to expose his chest and his long silky hair cascading over his shoulder. Both were beautiful, with sharp features and stunning blue eyes, the women’s own white blonde hair lightly curled and draped across her shoulders. Separately they were stunning, together they were mesmerizing but Jace’s attention was stuck elsewhere because in the middle, smirking confidently and eyes practically sparkling sat Simon, his attention completely focused on the man as he spoke.

“It’s the second time this week he’s been here, though Monday it was with some vampire. Girl was weird looking, face full of metal and dressed like she was going to a funeral. He seemed pretty into though. Had to threaten to kick them out when it looked like they were going to start fucking right on the table.” Maia was talking but Jace was struggling to understand the words coming out of her mouth because if what she was saying was true then that meant Jace had been wrong, so very, very wrong. No, this had to be some kind of hallucination or someone wearing a glamour to look like the vampire because there was no way that was Simon, tipping his head to the side and giving the woman space to start kissing up his neck, her hands sliding up under his crimson shirt. That wasn’t Simon letting the man curl his long delicate looking fingers under his chin and tip his head back before claiming his lips in a slow and sensual kiss.

It was like a car crash, Jace unable to look away even as bile rose in his throat and his stomach twisted into knots. He couldn’t help but watch Simon’s mouth move against the other mans, the way his eyelashes fluttered as he closed his eyes or the way he tipped his head back and just gave up any semblances of control. Simon’s hand disappeared under the table, the muscles in his arm flexing slightly and then the seelie was pulling back, eyes still closed and lips parted on a gasp. Simon’s eyes were dark when he opened them, a wicked smirk on his lips as his arm moved again. It didn’t take a genius to work out where Simon’s hand was or what he was doing with it. That knot tightened in Jace’s stomach, his heart pounding away and his palms begging to sweat.

The seelie ducked forward, Simon turning his head to give him access to the other side of his neck. He and the women slid their hands down, both disappearing under the table and Simon threw his head back on an audible moan even from across the room. Simon’s lips parted, his fangs just visible as his tongue poked out to wet at his lips, his eyes falling shut once more as he just let them do what they pleased to him. Jace sucked in a breath, his heart skipping a beat as he mirrored the action, his mouth suddenly dry. In his imagination it was him and Simon, Jace straddling his thighs and grinding down as he licked and sucked his way across Simon’s exposed neck. Jace’s blood rushed south, his dick hardening even as anger and jealousy clawed at his throat.

He wanted to go over there and shove the seelie’s off of him, wanted to slide into Simon’s lap and show him that he didn’t need anyone else other than Jace. He wanted to demand his attention, make it impossible for Simon to look anywhere but at him. He wanted those cold hands on him, Simon’s lips pressed against his and Jace’s name on his lips like a prayer. He wanted Simon, in every way imaginable and he wanted Simon to want him back. Just him.

Simon’s eye fluttered open, like he could feel Jace watching him. His eyes were dark and hooded, full of hunger and desire and like they had been pulled by magnets they instantly found Jace’s, their gaze locking. Simon sucked in an unneeded breath, his tongue flicking teasingly against one of his fangs and Jace’s heart stuttered.

He quickly spun back round, snatching up his beer and downing half of it in one go. He felt sick, his skin tingling but not in a good way. It was almost like it was too tight, stretched across his muscles and threatening to snap at any moment. “Maybe you should stop and breathe before you drown yourself.” Jace darted his eyes up to Maia, glaring as he continued to gulp down his drink. He would be so lucky to drown, maybe then he wouldn’t have the image of Simon throwing his head back and moaning for someone else on a constant loop in his head.

Sighing Maia darted her gaze away, looking awkward and uncomfortable and Jace couldn’t blame her. He was falling apart, his jealousy and nausea slowly getting consumed by his anger, both at himself and Simon, though it was more geared towards Simon at the moment. “I thought you knew, he hadn’t exactly kept it quiet.” Jace scoffed. He didn’t know what hurt more, that he had completely misjudged the kind of person Simon was or that he had lied to Jace about it. No that was definitely what hurt more. Jace could take Simon having a fling or two, taking others into his bed for a little relief, it would be hypocritical of Jace to judge him for that when he had been just as bad once upon a time. He would have been disappointed sure, but he would have dealt with it like an adult. No what he couldn’t stomach was the vampire lying to him about it.

He had out right lied to Jace about his plans, not even batting an eyelid as it slipped past his lips and Jace hadn’t suspected a thing. Simon had never used to be that good at lying, becoming flustered and rambling as he tried to cover his tracks but somewhere along the line he had developed an aptitude for it and if he could lie about this then what else could he have lied about? Maybe he had lied about the downworlder cabinet meeting he went to the other month or the reason why he had been late to training last week or maybe he had lied about ever having liked Jace in the first place and the friendship he put so much time and effort into was just a sham.

Jace tensed as someone came up bedside him, three empty glasses being placed down on the counter almost soundlessly. He knew who it was without even having to look, could tell from the way his body began to tingle like he was sat next to an electrical field. “Thanks Maia,” Simon mumbled, his voice hesitant and full of false cheer. She huffed, rolling her eyes before snatching the glasses up and walking away, leaving them alone. An awkward silence fell between them, the kind that hadn’t been there since Simon had drunk his blood for the first time. Jace hated it, wanted to just get up and leave or call Maia back so he wouldn’t have to deal with this. Not now, not ever.

“Band practice huh?” Jace gritted out. He sounded as angry as he felt, his grip tightening on his beer as he quickly took another swig in an attempt to stop himself from turning to the brunette and demanding he explain what the hell was going on. “Erm yeah,” Simon laughed nervously and Jace just knew he had lifted his hand to rub at the back of his neck, head tipped forward and looking all shy and coy, like he was the most innocent thing around when in reality he was anything but. “Book club was taken.” Jace huffed humorously, about to tell Simon that if he wanted to join book club so badly Jace would have given him a life time membership, a bloody VIP pass that granted him full access but the words died in his mouth, the implications of what Simon had said sinking in like a shard of ice to the gut.

Simon had been going to band practice for months, disappearing for a few hours or sometimes the whole night at least once every week. Jace had teased him for it, claiming the band was rubbish because they hadn’t landed a gig but Simon had just laughed it off, making some remark about Jace not recognizing good music if it slapped him in the face before moving the conversation on. Jace had thought it was just Simon being modest or just playing for the fun for once but that hadn’t been it at all. In reality he was using it to hide his x-rated activities just like Jace had used book club but unlike Jace he had gotten away with it because no one would suspect sweet, innocent and all around good guy Simon of being the kind of guy to fuck and run.

Fuck. How stupid had he been, longing for a guy who he had convinced himself just wasn’t the type to do casual when in reality he just didn’t want to do casual with Jace.

“Look Jace I’m…” He didn’t give Simon a chance to try and justify his actions, turning in his seat to finally look at the vampire. He looked good, the crimson shirt formfitting but not to tight, the top couple of buttons undone to expose his collarbone. His hair was a fluffy mess from where fingers had been running through it and his rich chocolate eyes were dark, the remains of his arousal and hunger still clinging to them. Jace’s gut twisted, those knots getting impossibly tighter. Jace needed him gone before he did something stupid like hit him or pull him into a demanding kiss. Neither one would probably end well.

“I really couldn’t care less Simon.” The lie slipped easily from between his lips, Jace trying for a bored look though he was sure his eyes probably betrayed him, showing his anger and hurt as clearly as if Jace had spelled it out for him. Simon’s brows furrowed, a frown tugging at his lips and what looked like hurt and disappointment flashing through his eyes. “Right,” Simon mumbled, his eyes darting off to the side. He looked like a kicked puppy or like Jace had just told him comic con had been cancelled. He was being mean, lashing out to try and hide his own pain and foolishness. Sure Simon had kept things from him but people were allowed secrets. Simon didn’t owe him the truth and Jace needed to stop acting like one off those crazy ex’s who seemed to think they had some sort of right to dictate their ex’s life.

It hurt though, the realization that Simon didn’t want him, not in that way anyway. He had convinced himself the only reason he and Simon hadn’t slept together was Simon’s pathological need to be in a relationship but in the end it was simply because Simon didn’t see Jace like that and why should he? Jace hadn’t been nice to him, not at the beginning any way and those kind of impressions stay with you. He was lucky Simon even saw him as a friend if he was being honest, was lucky to have Simon in any way and he needed take what he was given and move on if he wanted to keep the vampire around.

Sighing Jace’s shoulder slumped. He felt tired all of a sudden, all the anger and pain draining from him. Knocking back the last of his beer Jace stood up, the action putting him a lot closer to Simon than he had thought it would. Those doe eyes went wide, Simon tipping his head back just ever so slightly to look up at Jace. He wanted to lean in, curl one hand around Simon’s waist and bury the other in his hair and kiss the man senseless. He couldn’t though, his advances weren’t wanted and Simon already had someone to pass the night with.

He felt trapped though, stuck in Simon’s dark eyes and being pulled in. It was like magic, like Simon was using encanto on him to keep him there. Jace wouldn’t mind that, would go willingly if it got him what he wanted and wasn’t that a dangerous thought, a shadowhunter so willing to be enthralled just for a chance to be close to the other man. “Your adoring fans are waiting.” Maia’s curt voice cut through the heavy silence that had fallen between them and Jace hastily took a step back to put some much needed distance between them. He avoided the knowing smirk Maia was giving them, her hands braced on the counter and watching them like they were one of those trashy reality shows she and Izzy liked so much.

Simon swallowed, his tongue darting out to lick at his lips and Jace would bet money on the fact he would be blushing if he still could. Jace liked getting him flustered, missed how easy it had used to be when he was still human and fumbling. Jace really should have slept with him then, just so he could have see how far down the blush went. Trying to distract himself from his own twisted mind Jace looked away from Simon and across the bar. That had been a mistake.

His eyes instantly landed on the two seelie stood by the door, their heads turned into toward the other as they whispered. Their eyes were locked on Simon though, sapphire blue eyes practically sparkling with mischief. From the way a smile began to stretch across Simon’s lips, his eyes getting impossibly darker, the vampire was listening to them and whatever filth was falling from their lips. Jealousy shot through Jace, annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t even keep Simon’s attention when he was stood right next to him.

“Didn’t know you had it in you mundie,” Jace mocked, turning back round to lean on the bar. He motioned to Maia for another beer and thankfully she kept her mouth shut, only glaring at him as she went to get his next drink. Out the corner of his eye he saw Simon turn to frown at him, the brief flash of confusion and hurt in his eyes enough to to have Jace cursing himself and his incapability to keep his own feelings in check but he was hurt and jealous and no matter how much he knew he shouldn’t be acting this way he wanted Simon to feel a little of what he was, even if it was for completely the wrong reasons.

“It was an accident,” Simon mumbled and Jace scoffed, turning to look over his shoulder at the other man and raising an eyebrow in disbelief. “Sure, you accidentally fell into the laps of a couple of unsuspecting seelie’s, I’ll buy it. What about the others? You trip and accidental fall into their beds as well?” Jace’s voice was harsh and mocking as he spoke, the words just spewing from his lips with the bitter tang of anger cling to them. Simon jerked back, hurt, guilt and shame passing over his face in quick succession. It didn’t lass long, anger quickly darkening his eyes and he was glaring down at Jace, arms crossed over his chest and head held high. He had been spending too much time with Maia and Izzy, the look eerily similar to there’s and Jace liked it even less on Simon then he did on the other two.

“Not that its any of your business asshole but no, I’m actually capable of picking people up,” Simon snapped, his arms flexing as Simon dug his fingers into his biceps like he was trying to keep from physically lashing out. Jace wanted him to, wanted an excuse to crack his knuckles against Simon’s delicate looking jaw. He let out a huff of humorless laughter, ready to ask Simon if he had had to offer to do their taxes in exchange but before he could even begin to get the words out a bottle of beer was being loudly slammed down in front of him. “Don’t go back to the seelie realm,” Maia stated, a slight edge to her voice and Jace couldn’t tell if it was because of him or Simon. He hoped it was Simon because he wasn’t in the mood to deal with her overprotectiveness.

“I’m not that stupid,” Simon snapped, turning his annoyance onto Maia though it lost some of the heat it had held whilst he looked at Jace. “Really?” Jace teased, remembering all the times Simon actually had been that stupid. Jace turned back round towards the bar, ignoring Simon’s glare and snatching the new bottle of beer up, taking a swig of the warm liquid. Maia hadn’t bothered to get this one out the fridge. She was definitely mad at him then.

He could feel Simon’s eyes boring into the side of his head but he refused to turn around and acknowledge the other man, being stubborn in his imagined betrayal. Eventually Simon huffed, his intense gaze moving on and leaving Jace’s skin tingling. “Thanks again,” Simon said flatly, a stack of bills appearing on the counter in a blur of movement. There was enough there for at least two rounds of the top shelf stuff and a rather generous tip. Clearly being a representative of vampires to the clave was paying better than Jace had thought, that or Simon had become a prostitute in his spare time. Jace hated that he actually considered how much it would cost him to have Simon completely to himself.

“Asshole,” Simon mumbled as he brushed past Jace, their shoulders knocking and something inside of him just snapped. He had to have the last word, it was almost like his sanity depended on coming out on top and before Simon had even take two steps away from him Jace was spinning round, calling out loudly as he leant casually against the bar. “Careful, don’t want any more accidents.” Jace winked at Simon, giving him the same confident smirk that had gotten him in so many beds before and delighting in the way Simon’s scowl deepened, his jaw clenching as he bit back whatever he wanted to say. Jace was under the vampire’s skin, knew where to prod and prod to get a reaction and no matter how hard anyone else tried they wouldn’t be able to dig him out.

Shaking his head Simon turned away from him, easily slipping between the two seelie’s. They both moved into his personal space, the woman sliding up to his side and loping her arm around his and pressing herself against him. The guy placed his hand low on Simon’s back, his fingers splayed wide and playing with the hem of his shirt. Jace glared at the hand, wanting to storm over there and rip it off of Simon and maybe break a few of the seelie’s fingers in the process. His eyes darted up and away only to get caught by bright blue ones that stared back at him in open amusement. The seelie ushered Simon forward and out the open door, winking at Jace as they stepped through and out into the night, the door closing with a soft click behind them.

Jace snarled, turning back to the bar and snatched up his beer, wishing it was something stronger to help drown out the anger and jealousy that was pounding through his veins. “Well that went well.” Jace glared up at Maia as he finished off his beer. “Shut up,” he growled as he placed his empty bottle down a little harder then he had intended. His whole body felt tense, like a spring wound to tightly. He wanted to hit something, wanted to beat his frustrations out until his hands were bloody and all he could feel was the ache that came with a good fight.

“No seriously, if you wanted him to think you’re a judgmental, hypocritical bitch then congrats, job well done,” Maia snarled down at him, hands braced on the side of the bar and leaning into his space. He wanted a fight and he knew she would give him one, would probably leave him spitting blood and covered in bruises. It would be brutal and satisfying but he knew that all it would do was cause more problems in the long run. Snarling Jace yanked out his wallet, throwing a few bills down to cover his drinks and then some.

Neither of them said anything as Jace left, though Maia really didn’t have to considering the look she was giving him. How she managed to look both angry and concerned Jace didn’t know but what he did know was that he didn’t want to have to deal with her calling him out on his shitty behavior. He didn’t need her to tell him that he had been an asshole and he didn’t want to think about Simon off with the the perfect blonde, not even caring that he had hurt Jace.

‘Fuck him’ Jace thought. Why should he care if Simon slept with half the down world? If that’s how he wanted to spend the rest of his immortal life then let him, Jace wouldn’t stop him. It wasn’t any of his business who Simon spent his nights with and he had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t care enough about Jace to be honest with him. He had been an idiot to even think for a second that someone like Simon would ever want him. Jace was damaged, broken beyond repair and an asshole to just round it all off.

He had known his feelings for Simon would ruin their friendship but he had thought he would have at least gotten to kiss the other man first before it had all gone up in flames. Now all that was left was the bitter taste of jealousy, the bone deep hurt of not being good enough and the all consuming anger at himself for being so stupid and at Simon for not even realizing what he had done to Jace.

Well fuck Simon, or not as was the case. Jace didn’t need him in his life, nor did he want him at the moment. He would just be a reminder that Jace wasn’t good enough and he didn’t need Simon’s help with that. Jace already knew he wasn’t but he had never thought that Simon would be the one to drive home the point.

Guess he had been wrong about a lot of things.

Track Two: friends don’t look at friends that way

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alex Lightwood x Magnus Bane

Chapter summary: Jace doesn’t regret his actions but he does feel a little guilty and he definitely isn’t sulking because Simon ditched him for his nerdy band practice yet again.

<- previous

next ->

Izzy was right, Jace was an idiot.

The meeting had lasted just over an hour, everyone going over reports and sharing information from the last week. It had been boring but Jace had forced himself to pay attention, taking everything in and forcing Simon from his mind. Concentrating on work had helped, Simon the last thing on his mind as he gave his own reports but as soon as the meeting was over and there was nothing to keep him occupied his mind had instantly gone back to Simon and before he knew what he was doing Jace had his phone in his hands, having already sent a text to Simon demanding to know if he had finished with his nerd thing as Jace was bored and wanted entertaining.

Simon had been quick to reply, shooting Jace down and informing him that he would probably be busy all night but promising to swing by the next day with lunch and a mango smoothie to make it up to him. Jace had only been slightly mollified with the gesture, sulking off to his room to go wash the hours of sweat off and ignoring Izzy’s knowing smirk and teasing comment about being abandoned by his not boyfriend. That had left a sour taste in Jace’s mouth and he couldn’t understand why. Simon wasn’t his boyfriend, nor had he been abandoned like some sort of unwanted animal. Simon was allowed to have plans outside of Jace. They weren’t exclusive or anything, they had other friends, Simon apparently more so than Jace.

He tried not to think about it as he headed to the shower, trying to ignore the bitter taste and swirling in his gut as he pulled off his workout clothes and leaving a trail behind him into the bathroom. Almost as soon as he’s under the hot spray though his mind begins to wander once more. Jace knew that he and Simon spent a lot of time together, more than was probably strictly necessary but it wasn’t Jace’s fault they got along so well now that they were actively not hating on each other. Things were easy with Simon, simple even. Jace knew where he stood with the vampire and Simon never expected anything from Jace other than for him to just be himself, flaws and all. So yeah, Jace liked to spend time with Simon because he enjoyed the vampires company and the fact he was pretty to look at made it even less of a hardship to be around him.

With his thoughts already occupied with Simon it didn’t take long for Jace to go back to that day’s training, remembering vividly how Simon had looked and felt under his hands. Having Simon on top of him seemed to be the thing his mind stuck on the most, Jace almost perfectly able to imagine what he would look like bouncing up and down with his head thrown back and eyes closed, his mouth hanging open on a moan and his razor sharp fangs almost glinting in the light.

Simon was always so loud in his fantasy’s, Jace unable to imagine him not making some form of noise even if it was a loud moan or a desperate cry of Jace’s name. Everything he knew of Simon fed into it, including all the times he had seen him shirtless and hair tussled, how cold he would be under his hands as Jace gripped at his waist and pulled him down against him. Reality overlapped with fantasy, Simon all bright eyes and wide smiles as he looked down at Jace like he was heaven incarnate even as his nails dug into Jace’s chest and drew blood. It was enough for Jace, finding his release embarrassingly quickly and having to bite down on his lip to keep from moaning Simon’s name. He had stood under the shower, breathing heavily and letting the hot water run over his neck and shoulders, the last faint echo of Simon calling his name taunting Jace with what he couldn’t have.

He felt guilty afterwards, always did but just like every other time before he stomped down on the feeling, knowing full well that it wouldn’t be enough to stop him from doing it again. It was a vicious circle of want and guilt that he just couldn’t seem to get out off but he wasn’t sure he wanted to, not really. He deserved to feel that heavy feeling in his chest, like something was pressing down on him, almost suffocating him. He deserves to feel ashamed every time his eyes drop to Simon’s ass or he spent to long trying to imagine what Simon’s skin would taste like on his lips. They were supposed to be friends and Jace was treating Simon like some sort of sex object and that was something he never would have imagined liking Simon to, especially considering how much of a walking disaster the other man had been when they first met.

Feeling sufficiently guilty and a little disgusted with himself Jace had flopped back onto his bed, naked and wet and just staring up at the ceiling as he wondered what to do with his free evening. It was stupid that he had just automatically assumed he would have been spending it with Simon, not even taking it into consideration that he would have had plans of his own. That assumption had left him alone with nothing with his own mind for company and that never ended well, the silence making it to easy for Jace to get lost in his memories to the point he felt like he was drowning.

He could try Alec, it had been a few weeks since he had seen his parabatai but he was loathe to disturb his and Magnus’ wedded bliss and he really didn’t want to play the third wheel yet again. Izzy wouldn’t allow him anywhere near her, not tonight anyway considering she was on duty and had been the one to force this night off on Jace so if he so much as tried to slip back into the ops room she would kick his ass all the way back out again. With Simon off at his band practice that left Jace with very few options and he really didn’t want to spend the night alone.

Sighing he turned his head to the side, staring at his abandoned phone and trying to will it to do something that would make the choice for him. Even if it was just to cover a patrol or something equally as routine Jace would take it, just for something to do. He hated nights off, never really knowing what to do with himself unless he had someone to spend the time with. That was normally Simon, Jace having spent every day off he had had in the last two months with the vampire doing everything from going out for drinks to shopping or even just crashing at Simon’s and playing video games and watching those mundane movies that the nerd was so obsessed with.

He wasn’t sure when it had become a thing, Jace practically demanding Simon’s attention even when he was working as well as when he wasn’t but it had and Simon was always so accommodating, allowing Jace into his space and his life without so much as batting an eyelid. It had never been a problem, until now that was because now it just felt weird to have free time and Simon not being there, Jace not knowing what to do with himself without the other mans presence. The whole situation was tragic, just highlighting how pathetic he had become.

Feeling frustrated and annoyed with his own stupidity Jace shoved up off the bed and started to angrily pull on his clothes. So what if Simon wasn’t around? Jace didn’t need the vampire there constantly to function. He had survived before the idiot came stumbling into his life, all nervous chatter with an uncanny knack for getting into trouble and Jace would be fine now. He could handle one night on his own, he just needed something to do.

It shouldn’t be that hard to keep himself occupied. He could head down to the library and read, he still had a book on modern mundane history to finish that Simon had given him when he found out how much of a history buff Jace was. He could go play for a while, though he wasn’t feeling it right now he was sure once he was sat down in front of the piano something would come to him and he would be able to lose a few hours to the gentle melodies. Failing that he was sure he would be able to find someone to spar with. Sure it may be overkill considering how long he had already spent training with Simon but at least it would keep his mind occupied and he wouldn’t be distracted by his chosen victim like he always seemed to be with Simon.

There were plenty of things for him to do that didn’t include Simon. They weren’t attached at the hip, they could do things on their own, should do more things without the other hanging around. Maybe if they spent some time apart Jace would be able to look at the brunette without thinking about him naked and his family would stop badgering him to ask Simon out when he really didn’t want to.

Mind made up Jace shoved his boots on. He would start spending less time with Simon and now was a good as time as any to start. So what if it was because Simon had other plans? It was still time apart. Jace was a fully functioning adult as well as a highly capable shadowhunter. He had fought monsters that legends were made off and gone through horrors that would leave a lesser man insane. Putting some distance between him and Simon should be easy, all things considered. They would spend less time together, Jace would get his own life back and he would be able to look at Simon for longer than two minutes without thinking about him naked. It was simple really, easy even and he would start tonight by proving he didn’t need the vampire around to have a good time.

Now he just needed to decide what the actual hell he was going to do.

“How is it possible?” Jace whispered the question to the girl that stood before him. How could this be? Nobody, not a single person knew you existed. You grew up in the mundane world just like Clary. But unlike Clary, you were raised by normalhuman family. They had no idea who really they adopted. And why would Valentine spare you? Why wouldn’t he take you with him? Make another experiment. It was all a mystery to Jace, but somehow holding you in his hands felt, felt good, natural, like you belonged there.

“I don’t know,” y/n answered in thin voice. She too had many questions. About this world; all stories are real, she remembered. But how? It was all strange. Exciting. Scary. But it felt right, it felt home. 

Hi, guys, I hope you enjoyed this short image. Let me know if you did.

Gif not mine, credits to the original owner. 

s-a-b-i-n-e:

Shadowhunters / Shadowhunter Chronicles Ace Mini Bang 2022

Schedule

June 1 Sign-up opens

July 17 Sign-up Writers ends (open until August 13 for Artists, Pinch hitters, and Betas)

July 24 Check-in Writers 1 (fic summary due, 1200 characters max)

August 7 Check-in Writers 2 (at least 1500 words finished)

August 14 Art Claims start

September 25 Full Bang Check-in

October 7 Writing needs to be finished to give betas enough time to work.

October 23 Posting starts and ends October 29 (Ace Week)

General Info

1. We want to create more fan fiction and fan art representing the ace community in our fandom. You don’t need to be ace yourself to participate. The more the merrier.

2. Everyone 14 years old and above is allowed to participate. Minors are excluded from works that are M and E rated. In the sign up, you can choose if you feel comfortable being paired with minors/adults.

3. If you aren’t ace, please use resources like The Trevor Project and this Huffpost infographic to educate yourself before signing up. More resources are available on the bang discord. We want to create healthy content that is safe for ace and allo people alike.

4. Asexuality is a spectrum, and we welcome works of any variety representing people identifying as ace.

5. You are expected to keep to the submission dates and contact me immediately when you know you want to drop out or can’t keep to the schedule.

6. We’ll communicate via Discord, so it’s mandatory to have an account there.

7. Posting can be done on any public platform. There will be a master post on Tumblr and a collection on ao3, too, that you can join, but you’re not obligated to.

8. It’s okay to share snippets of your work before the publication day, but please keep in mind not to spoil too much. Whenever you post about your work for this Mini Bang, please use the hashtag #SHAceMiniBang2022 on all platforms that support them.

9. Keep your project between author, artist, and beta. We want to celebrate together.

10. Tag your work with SHAceMiniBang2022 on all platforms that allow tagging.

11. This is meant to be fun, so please be nice to each other. If any problems arise, I’m happy to help.

Keep reading