#isabelle lightwood

ㅤㅤㅤ(ﾉ◕‿◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ .

Rereading Chain of Gold and I just know for a fact that the first time someone explained a pyxis to Simon, he said, “Oh, like a PokeBall.”

I Love these Lightwood siblings

Ya girls back again. I want to say first off that I am so proud of the Shadowfam! We have done so much and are killing it So keep it up! Next I just want to post this as reminder. First) please do not drag other FF fandoms into our campaign their show has nothing to do with saving our show nor is it their fault we are in this situation. Untag the actors etc when replying to whatever Floppy foam posts, they are just trying to work and don’t need us coming at them when they have nothing to do with this. B) please PLEASE ignore the haters and troll twitters etc. Our fandom has been about getting our show back and doing some good in the world NOT spreading hate or dragging other people. If you see something you dont agree with or its malicious report and block. People engaging in these fights is bringing down the fandoms reputation as a whole and no network wants problematic fans. We need to be putting our best foot forward. I have a damn good time dragging floppy but I try to keep it to just them and when I see trolls I just ignore them. Its difficult but it needs to be done. I am so proud of us as a whole. We have done and are continuing to do what other fandoms haven’t so lets keep it going and if positivity isn’t doing it for you…do it out of spite. If they thought we were going to roll over and let this happen they thought wrong. We will prove them wrong. If you need a break Tweet deck is a magical thing I use it for my multiple accounts and live tweet from one. We got this fam. Take a break of ya need to, pet a puppy, get some sun, read, whatever floats your boat keep on keepin’ on ❤️  

Alright I’m back with another post. Now I know tensions are high but guys stop interacting with the bad book stans. All they want to do is spread hate and get us mad and it’s working. We are better than that. Let them bitch and moan and say what they want. They are doing it because they are petty and hate how much we love the SHOW. Show them with even more tweets and emails. Channel that anger and frustration and put it towards saving our show and proving them wrong that way. Trying to say anything to them or giving them facts don’t matter to them because they don’t care if they are wrong they just want to argue. All you will be doing is firing them up more bc they are getting a rise out of you. Trust me, I want to say things as well but we need to stay focused. And what better way to say “fuck you” then to get our show, that they hate, back? We are fighting for something that means a lot to us and we need to stay focused on that. All they want is attention don’t give it to them! Don’t feed the mogwai it only turns em into gremlins. We got this.

if we’re getting izzy/meliorn for the alliance rune…my season 1 rights oh mygod

Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you

Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Alec was expecting to walk into the institute to a sickening display of affection and most likely having to pry Simon and Jace apart to make sure the vampire left for London on time. What he got though was Simon on edge, acting like he was waiting for an axe to drop and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out what exactly had gone wrong.

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first

Alec had concerns.

He had expected to find Jace and Simon being disgustingly romantic now that they had gotten their acts together. When he had come down to see Simon off he had assumed he would find the vampire practically vibrating with how happy he was, a wide smile in place and constantly touching and kissing Jace like he was trying to make up for lost time. He had also expected to find Jace huffing and rolling his eyes, insisting it wasn’t a big deal whilst also smiling fondly at the vampire’s antics and giving into his every demand for affection.

Personally Alec couldn’t see the appeal. Simon was too chaotic, unable to stay still and constantly talking about things that Alec didn’t know or care about. He was the complete opposite of Jace and yet somehow they managed to work well together. Jace had been a mess when Clary had been made a mundane, though he had tried to hide it from them, insisting he was fine when they all knew he wasn’t. Simon had been the only one able to get through to him, something Alec had been grateful for yet also irrationally annoyed about. The friendship that had come out of it had been a surprise though but no where near as shocking as the first time he saw Jace flirt with Simon, the vampire flirting right back. Now that had been a surprise but Jace had just shrugged it off, insisting it was nothing except it just kept happening, again and again and it didn’t take long for anyone who spent any time with the pair to realise what was actually going on. The only two people who didn’t seem to realise were Jace and Simon, both of them adamant that they were just friends but Alec had never known friends who looked at each other’s asses as much as they did when the other wasn’t looking.

The point is that Alec had expected to be greeted with a horrendously happy couple who couldn’t keep their hands off one another. What he got instead was Simon looking like he was waiting for an axe to drop on him and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out exactly what had happened.

When he had left Jace his parabatai had been nervous but otherwise on track to pull his head out of his ass and actually admit to Simon that their ‘friendly banter’ had actually been flirting and that he wanted to be a lot more to Simon than just friends. Yes he had lost track of Jace at some point, having gotten pulled into a rather lengthy conversation about the power imbalance between certain downworlder factions and then he and Magnus had done the rounds, making sure they spoke to everyone so as not to foster idiotic notions of favoritism. By the time he had caught site of Jace again he had been hand in hand with Simon, smiling widely as they made their way from the hall and disappearing towards the stairs. He had been able to feel Jace’s happiness through their bond, the feeling bleeding into Alec’s own and leaving him smiling and though there had been a spike of panic it hadn’t lasted, their bond going blissfully quiet and leaving him able to concentrate on the rest of his evening without grinning like a mad man.

Across the other side of the ops table Simon nodded, his face blank and eyes dulled as he listened to Izzy give a rundown on the London institute and it’s rather extensive size as well as the shadowhunters in residence there. He was lucky Evelyn had retired the year before or he probably wouldn’t have been allowed to set foot in the place despite Alec’s insistence. Luckily enough Dayton was much more open about downworlders and working alongside them. Now if only the vampire clans were as willing to work with the shadowhunters as they were with them. Hopefully though Simon would be able to make some sort of headway in fixing that if not resolving the issue all together.

He had been reluctant at first about sending Simon. Not because he believed he would mess up and make an already tense situation worse but because it was his first major assignment and there was always the possibility this was to much to soon for the daylighter. Though to give Simon credit he had taken the challenge head on, even going as far as to hold preliminary one on one interviews with the shadowhunter in charge and the clans second in command. Simon seemed determined to prove himself and Alec was more than willing to admit that he had been happy with his work so far. He even looked the part, having ditching his normal hoodie and jean combination and was instead wearing smart black slacks with a white shirt and black skinny tie, a light black leather jacket overtop and finely polished black oxfords. He looked smart, though not as formal as last night and thankfully there was no sign of the eyeliner he had been wearing the night before either. Now if only he would stop looking like an empty shell of his usual self and he would be good to go.

“Dorian is going to meet you once you get there, as well as Dayton.” Izzy handed over a tablet as she spoke, Simon taking it with a hum and fingers moving quickly across the screen as he looked through the other shadowhunters files. Alec scowled at his rather subdued response. That was another thing that he was finding a little unnerving. Simon normally had to fill every silence with inane chatter but this morning he had barely said more than he had to. Everything about this seemed wrong, almost like he had walked through the door and ended up in some strange parallel world that was almost the same except all the little things had been changed, leaving him feeling uneasy and on edge. And where the hell was Jace? Simon would be leaving in a matter of minutes and yet he was nowhere to be seen. Considering how he had reacted when Alec told him about Simon’s assignment he would have thought Jace would be down here fussing with the rest of them, clinging onto Simon for as long as he could. Maybe he should excuse himself and go look for his parabatai, just to make sure that everything was okay because he had the growing feeling that it really wasn’t.

“Dorian is going to…” Izzy started but Simon cut her off, sighing loudly as he handed back the tablet. “He is going to run through any new developments before taking me to the Averard Hotel where Elizabeth will formally introduce me to the heads of the vampire clans before giving me the rest of the evening to settle in before we get down to business tomorrow. We’ve been over this a hundred times already Izzy, I know.” His sister pursed her lips, folding her arms over her chest and looking at Simon with mild annoyance. Simon had already been there when Alec turned up, Izzy going through the exact same information and Alec found it easy to believer that he had in fact already heard that particular information a hundred times today.

“Fine, I’ll go check if Magnus is ready for you then,” Izzy huffed, flinging her hair over her shoulder as she turned and striding purposely from the room. Simon groaned, one arm wrapping around his waist as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the other hand, his eyes closing and a frown pulling his lips down. It was the first real show of emotion Alec had see from him all morning and though he had been looking for some sign of life he had been hoping for his normal dorky rambling, not for him to be so tense and angry. “She just wants to make sure you’re ready. This is a big deal Simon and there is a lot that could go wrong,” Alec stated, feeling like he needed to defend Izzy’s constant fussing. They all just wanted him to do well with this and it helped ease her worry over the vampire being so far away. If anything should happen none of them would be on hand to help him and though Alec trusted the shadowhunters at the London institute Simon did have a tendency to find trouble and there was a genuine concern that he would yet again get himself into a situation he would need rescuing from.

“I know,” Simon snapped, “you don’t have to keep reminding me.” Alec jerked back at the sudden outburst, staring at Simon like he had grown a second head. He had seen Simon snap at Jace before, at other downworlders and shadowhunters but never him. Honestly he had thought that Simon was still a little scared of him but he either wasn’t or was so stressed that he just didn’t care at the moment. Alec wanted it to be that Simon was no longer scared of him. If he and Jace were a thing now then it meant there would be a lot more interacting with one another and if Simon was scared of Alec that would just make things awkward and uncomfortable. Though he did have every intention of letting Simon know that if he broke Jace’s heart he would break Simon’s legs and then set fire to his stupid collection of plastic statues he was so attached to.

Groaning loudly in a mix of what sounded like frustration and anger, Simon went to shove his hand through his gently styled hair, his fingertips just sinking into the strands before he seemed to think better of it. His hand dropped to his neck, his nails scratching at a spot just above his collar. Simon’s eyes seemed to glaze over once more, staring unseeingly across the room as he continued to scratch at that same spot, leaving behind red lines that faded just as quickly as they appeared. He sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it rush out of him along with the tension he had been holding in his shoulders, his hand finally falling away from his neck to hang limply at his side. “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous and I get you guys are trying to help but constantly telling me how important it is that I don’t screw this up isn’t helping me right now.”

Alec winced slightly at that. It hadn’t been his intention to stress Simon out or make him feel like Alec didn’t trust him with this but it was rather important this matter got settled. London was the biggest institute in Europe and some of the most high profile vampires across the world were part of the London clans or at least had dealings with them. If a deal could be struck there then others would follow and Alec would hopefully be able to spread the downworlder and shadowhunter alliance across the world.

He had offered to go himself but Dayton had declined, insisting that a vampire would go a long way to helping ease tensions and considering Simon was currently the only vampire representative for the clave Alec had had no choice but to ask the daylighter to go instead. Not that Alec though that was a bad thing per se but he probably would have felt more comfortable if he was handling the matter himself. He had put his trust in Simon’s capabilities to talk rings around people though and if he did end up failing to make any progress Alec could always go in after and try his luck with the clans.

“You’ll be fine,” Alec tried to reassure him but from the way Simon scoffed he didn’t think he quite pulled it of. “Really,” the vampire mumbled sarcastically. He seemed agitated, crossing his arms over his chest only to uncross them and cross them again. Though Alec often found this sort of behaviour irritating he actually welcomed it now. It was familiar, Simon’s natural self finally coming through instead of whatever it was he had been doing before. “Yes really. If I didn’t think you were capable of this I wouldn’t be allowing you to go in the first place.”

Simon stared unblinkingly at him for a long few awkward seconds, the silence between them dragging on. Alec was only a few seconds away from snapping at Simon to stop when he finally spoke, sounding genuinely surprised. “Wow. I think that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Alec’s natural scowl deepened. That couldn’t be right, could it? But even as he frantically searched back his mind came up blank. There had been a lot of sarcastic comments and blatant annoyance, Alec not really having even been that nice to Simon when he had asked him to go to London. He had been polite enough but mostly just professional, not that Simon had seemed to care though, to busy rambling on and on about how he wasn’t going to mess it up. If he and Jace were dating now that would have to change, Alec needing to make sure he treated the vampire better, especially if he and Jace ended up being a long term thing witch knowing how Simon was with relationship that was probably a given. Oh. Oh no. Alec was going to be best man at their wedding and have to listen to Simon cry about how amazing Jace was. Though he supposed that was preferable to having to listen to Jace talking about how hot Simon looked in a suit again.

“Don’t get used to it,” he deadpanned, dropping his gaze down the the tablet in front of him and effectively ending the conversation, though he makes sure to let a small half smile curl up the corners of his mouth, just so Simon would know he didn’t mean anything by it. “Yeah, wouldn’t dream of it,” Simon mumbled, looking confused by the whole exchange. Out the corner of his eye Alec watched him fidget, shifting from one foot to the other before lifting his hand up to once again rub at that spot on his neck, his thumb pressing down on the spot even as he tugged at his collar with his other fingers, as if he was trying to pull it up to hide the red mark he was leaving behind. Alec kept his head down but his eyes remained trained on Simon, watching with a frown as he went back to staring unseeingly across the room, his whole body still except for his twitching fingers. Alec knew Simon had a lot of nervous habits and ticks, the constant fidgeting being the most prominent one but this was new and a little odd even for him. Was it the spot he had gotten bitten by Camille? That had been a couple of years ago now though and surely if he had some sort of twitch related to that Alec would have noticed before now. Something was going on, Simon acting more neurotic than normal and Alec didn’t like it.

That uneasy feeling started to grow, Jace’s absence just making it that much worse but before he could demand some sort of explanation Simon’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and full of panic as he stared at the doorway like the hounds of hell were coming to drag him away. Frowning Alec lifted his gaze up to look in the same direction, concerned about what would have the vampire looking so terrified, especially whilst in the institute. Dodson rounded the corner with quick, sure strides, his head down and completely focused on the tablet in his hand, not even acknowledging them. Simon’s body slumped forward, his gaze falling back down to the table as he let out a sigh of relief. Bracing his hands against the edge of the table Simon hung his head between his arms, his eyes falling closed as he pulled in one steady breath after another. His knuckles were white with how tight he was gripping the table, his whole body seeming to tremble.

Something was definitely wrong.

Concerned for Simon and by his obvious distress Alec moved quickly around the table, placing his hand on Simon’s shoulder, his concern evident in his voice. “Simon?” The vampire startled, jerking out of Alec’s light hold and stumbling backwards, looking up at him with absolute terror in his dark eyes. Alec took a step back, holding his hands up to show Simon that he didn’t mean him any harm, not that he ever would intentionally hurt Simon. “Hey, it’s just me,” Alec said slowly, keeping his voice as calm as he could. Simon’s eyes darted around the room like he was looking for an escape, his breath ragged as he struggled to pull in air and his whole body shaking. “Look at me,” Alec took a step forward, keeping his eyes on the vampire as he spoke. Simon’s eyes finally managed to settle on him as he got closer so that he could reach out once more, placing both hands on the vampires shoulders in an attempt to ground him. His hands shot out instantly, his cold fingers wrapping around Alec’s biceps and his nails digging in slightly. He would likely have bruises but as long as his hold didn’t get any tighter he would be fine. “Breath with me, in and out, in and out.” He slowly pulled in a breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out just as slowly. Simon looked like a scared animal, his brown eyes wide and full of panic but Alec maintain eye contact, breathing in and out slowly and soon enough Simon’s own ragged breathing fell into rhythm, the shaking finally coming to a stop to a stop as his breathing evened out.

Simon’s eyes darted off to the side almost as soon as he had calmed down but he made no move to let go of Alec. The vampire’s natural coldness was seeping into his skin everywhere they were touching, even through the layers of clothing and Alec had to fight the urge to shiver. He never did like being cold. “I…thanks,” Simon mumbled, finally unclenching his fingers and pulling his arms back. He wrapped them around himself, shoving his hands under his armpits. He looked so small and fragile like that, clinging onto himself and head ducked down like he wasn’t a vicious and blood thirsty predator and was still just a scared mundane boy who had followed the girl he loved into a dark and abandoned church. “It’s fine.” Alec squeezed once at his shoulders before stepping back to give the vampire some space, folding his arms behind his back and trying to discreetly rub some warmth back into his hands. Simon nodded his head slightly, still refusing to look anywhere even remotely close to Alec.

“What happened?” Simon’s eyes snapped up, quickly flickering over Alec as if he was trying to gage if he was being genuine or asking out of some social obligation. Alec did genuinely want to know though. He may not be Simon’s biggest fan but he still considered the vampire a friend and he was concerned about his current state. It was more than nerves about London that he was sure of. “I just,” Simon paused, his eyes darting between Alec and the doorway. He sighed, a look of resignation flickering across his face but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, the blank mask from earlier slipping back into place. “It’s nothing,” he said flatly, uncrossing his arms to let them fall limply at his sides.

“Don’t lie to me,” Alec growled out, glaring at the vampire. Of course it was something, Simon had had a bloody panic attack because Alec had touched him. There was no way that was nothing and Simon could lie to himself all he wanted but he should know better by now to think that Alec wouldn’t try and find out what the hell was going on after that show of neuroticism. Simon glared back. “Fine, it’s nothing to do with you or Izzy or Magnus or anyone else in this bloody room,” he hissed, clenching his hands into fists and looking at Alec like he might try and hit him. Alec would like to see him try, even with his vampire speed but at the moment there was something else that took priority and especially if it involved his parabatai because there had been one name Simon had missed and there was no way that was a coincidence.

“But it is to do with Jace.” Simon went stiff, his whole body tensing. His eyes lit up with panic as they snapped to the door, like Alec just saying his name would summon the other man to them. That wasn’t right. Even at the beginning Simon had never out right been scared of Jace. Sure he had been angry, jealous and suspicious but never scared and that really didn’t sit right with Alec. “What happened last night?” he demanded because that was the only time something could of happened between the two of them. He couldn’t understand what though because Jace had looked so happy, had felt it to, clinging on to Simon like he had won a prize but now he really thought about it Simon hadn’t looked as happy as the blonde had, had almost seemed a little uncomfortable about Jace’s attention. Alec had just chalked it up to him being a little uneasy about the rather public display of affection but maybe that hadn’t been the issue at all.

Maybe all of them had in fact been wrong and Simon had turned Jace down. He couldn’t imagine Jace would have taken that well. It was clear to see how enamoured he was with Simon and to lose yet another person he had given his heart to would have hurt him more than he had been ready for. Alec’s mind flashed back to that moment of panic he had felt from Jace just after he and Simon had left the ballroom. He had put it down to Jace worrying about having to admit his feelings but what if it had actually been because Simon had turned him down, denying Jace the love he craved from the brunette.

Simon’s hand went back to his neck, his fingers rubbing at that same spot again. His eyes brimmed with tears and he looked up at Alec with such pain and sorrow that Alec could swear he could feel it himself. He had never been good with emotional people, had no clue how to comfort a grown man who was on the verge of crying and looked like his whole world had fallen apart. “Jace, he,” Simon’s voice cracked, the first few tears falling, “he doesn’t…”

Whatever Simon was about to say was cut off by Magnus, the warlock striding into the room like he owned the place. “Right. Let’s get this show on the road shall we?” There was a blur of movement, Simon moving quicker than Alec could track but when he stilled his tears were gone though the sadness remained in his eyes, Simon smiling up at Magnus but it was clear to see it was forced. Alec loved his husband, truly he did but sometimes his timing was way off. “Ready?” Magnus asked, his eyes flickering between him and Simon as he came to a stop next to Alec. He wanted to say no, wanted to demand answers from Simon because that wasn’t the look of someone who had broken a heart but someone who had had their heart broken and Alec couldn’t understand how that could have possibly happened. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Simon grinned, stepping away from the table and bending down to grab up his satchel, slinging it over his shoulder. Magnus gave him a questioning look but Alec shook his head slightly, giving his husband a look that he hoped said he would explain latter. Explain what he wasn’t to sure but Magnus probably would have some idea. He often did about these kind of things.

A dull ache began to form in his chest and Alec absentmindedly lifted his hand to rub at the spot.

With his usual confidence Magnus moved further into the room, Simon, Alec and Izzy following closely behind. “I’m going to open up the portal into Dayton’s office like we agreed. Are you sure you have everything?” Magnus spun on his heels as he came to a stop, turning to look at Simon expectantly. The vampire huffed, rolling his eyes but there seemed to be a genuine if small smile tugging at his lips. “I have all my notes and laptop here-” Simon patted his satchel, “and you insisted on packing my suitcase because I apparently can’t be trusted so I’m going to go ahead and say yes, I have everything.” Magnus rolled his eyes, completely ignore Simon’s pointed look as he waved his left hand out in front of him. Blue light danced between his fingers before he snapped them and it disappeared, a smallish black suitcase now sat by Simon’s feet and a matching suit bag draped over his arm. Simon eyed the sudden additions suspiciously, lifting his eyes up to Magnus and raising an eyebrow. “Don’t worry there’s nothing to ostentatious in there,” Magnus waved off his concerns though his idea of outlandish definitely differed from everyone else’s and Alec knew for a fact that there was at least one highly patterned shit in there that Simon would never have chosen to wear on his own but Magnus had insisted when Alec questioned the choice and considering he knew relatively little about fashion he had chosen not to argue the matter. Well that and he wanted to avoid another hour long lecture on silk and cotton quality.

“Best not to keep them waiting any longer, Dayton’s probably already counting the seconds of his precious time we are wasting.” Before Magnus had even finished talking Izzy was rushing forward, wrapping her arms around Simon and pulling him down into an awkward looking hug. Simon wrapped his free arm round her waist, holding the suit bag out with the other so as not to wrinkle whatever was inside. Izzy buried her head in his neck, talking lowly so only Simon could hear. Whatever she said had that flash of pain lighting up his eyes once more but by the time they pulled away from one another it had gone, Simon smiling softly down at her like nothing was wrong. He stepped up next to Magnus, taking a deep breath and looking ahead with a mix of determination and nerves. “You’ll be fine,” Alec stated, stepping up behind Simon, placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. “Remember to stand your ground and don’t let them intimidate you. If you show even a fraction of uncertainty they will try and exploit it and just because their older than you doesn’t mean they know better. You have every resource the Clave has at your disposal so don’t be afraid to utilize it and if anyone at the institute gives you any trouble let me know and I’ll have them on weapons cleaning duty for a month.”

Simon huffed in amusement, that small but real smile back in place. “Where were you when i needed you in high school,” he mumbled and Alec would have told him that he was off killing demons and keeping mundane’s like him in blissful ignorance but before he could even open his mouth that dull ache in his chest began to grow, turning sharp and bitter. Alec let go of Simon’s shoulder as he took a step back, digging his palm into his chest and wincing slightly at the pain. It reminded him of the feeling he got when Magnus had left him after the whole mess with the soul sword and that was not something he was eager to re-live. He automatically turned his head to look at the doorway and out towards the stairs as if he was expecting to find someone stood there. He needed to go find Jace.

There was a flash of light, the distinct hum of magic in the air and when Alec turned back round a portal stood before them, the gold circle shimmering in waves as the room beyond became distorted. “Deep breath and think of nothing but the London institute, don’t want you getting stuck in limbo for all eternity now do we.” Magnus gestured towards the portal, flashing Simon a quick smile as he patted him on the back before he stepped back to stand next to Alec. He frowned as Alec winced, continuing to press at the ever growing feeling of pain and loss in his chest. It was almost too much, Alec grabbing at Magnus’s arm as the feeling of utter hopelessness began to press down on him. Simon stood there for a few seconds, completely unaware of what was going on behind him as he stared at the swirling mass before. It was almost like the vampire was in a trance, unable to look away and unable to step forward. He pulled in a deep breath, lifting his head up as he seemed to find his confidence. “This better not take me to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre,” he mumbled before taking a confident step forward into the swirling void. “Text me when you get there,” Izzy yelled after him but Simon was already gone, the portal shimmering briefly before closing.

Alec instantly turned to Izzy, his hand darting out to grab at her arm. “Where’s Jace?” he rushed out. He had to find him, now. Something was wrong and his parabatai needed him. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him all morning.” Alec groaned at her words, fighting the urge to snap at her about keeping better track of her subordinates. “Alexander what wrong?” Magnus fretted, placing a hand on Alec’s back and holding onto his arm with the other. “Jace, there’s something wrong i can feel it.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth the other two seemed to snap into action. “I’ll go check his room, you get Alec to my office.” Magnus nodded at Izzy, trying to move Alec towards the other end of the room as she began to stride quickly towards the stairs but before she made it even half way across the space Jace came stumbling around the corner and all three of them froze as they took in his appearance.

He was still in last nights outfit, his black shirt crumpled and his tie pulled to hang loosely around his neck. He didn’t have his shoes on, his belt unbuckled and hanging from his suit trousers. His hair was an absolute mess, sticking up in all directions, his eyes rimmed red and his normally glowing skin pale, almost sickly looking. He was a mess, his normally well maintained appearance completely ruined but that wasn’t what held Alec’s attention. On his jaw and cheek was a large bruise, the skin a dark purple and swollen, his lip split and dried blood clinging to his chin.

“Simon,” he croaked out. He sounded as bad as he looked, his voice catching slightly as it quivered. When no one answered he took a few stumbling steps into the room, his wide panic filled eyes darting around as if he was looking for someone and it didn’t take a genius to realise who he was after. “Where is he?” he rushed out, sounding as desperate as he looked. “He’s gone,” Magnus spoke softly but in the almost empty room it sounded like he had shouted it and Alec felt that pain in his chest intensify tenfold.

Jace staggered backwards, his back hitting the wall and instantly he sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands. Alec was across the room in a few large strides, sinking down onto his knees in front of his parabatai. Gently he pulled Jace’s hands away from his face and placing them in his lap. Jace didn’t even flinch as Alec gently cupped his neck and cheeks, turning his head to face him and trying not to agitate the tender and painful looking bruise. “What happened?” he pleaded with him, his own feelings of worry and fear mixing with the echo’s of Jace’s own. The faint smell of whiskey still clung to Jace, stale and unpleasant as he puffed hot air against Alec’s jaw, making him want to wrinkle his nose in disgust. It had been almost a year since Alec had seen him like this, almost a year since he had tried to drink himself into an early grave and Alec concern only grew. What had gone so wrong that Jace would do that to himself?

“Alec I…I,” tears welled in his eyes, Jace stumbling over his words as they caught on a strangled sob. He looked up at Alec with wide grief filled eyes, the guilt and pain so evident in them that Alec felt like they had been etched permanently into the other mans soul. “I messed up.” Alecks spine straitened at that, a lot of things starting to click into place. How on edge Simon had been, his anger and Jace’s absence, the way he had been constantly looking over his should like he was afraid of his own shadow. “I messed up and now he’s gone and he thinks that I…that I,” Jace cuts off on a sob and Alec doesn’t hesitate to pull him against his chest, wrapping one arm around his back and soothing at his hair with the other. Jace cries, his sobs muffled against Alec’s chest and his whole body shacking. He grips tightly at the back of Alec’s shirt, his nails digging in even through the fabric but Alec makes no move to stop him. All he dose is hold Jace whilst he breaks apart in his arms, shushing his parabatai softly as he mumbles out a stream of ‘it’s all my fault’ and ‘he hates me’.

Alec doesn’t know what to do. It should have been easy, a sure thing. All Jace had to do was apologize to Simon and explain how he felt. They could all see how far gone Jace and Simon were for each other, the two practically in a relationship already. He had been so convinced that all they needed was a gentle push and then they would be as disgustingly cute as he and Magnus were but something had gone wrong, horribly wrong and Alec didn’t know how to fix it. Jace had been through so much in his life, had suffered through one loss after another and after Clary Alec had thought that Simon would provide the stability that Jace needed along with the open and honest affection that he deserved. Instead all there was was more heartbreak, another loved one lost and he couldn’t help but feel guilty over that. Alec had been the one to push Jace into confessing when he hadn’t wanted to. Alec had been the one to send Simon away when clearly he was needed here to help fix whatever had happened. He may not be responsible for how things had gone between the two of them but he still had his fair share of the blame to shoulder and he couldn’t even begin to start apologizing for his actions.

A gentle hand on his shoulder pulled Alec away from his thoughts and he turned his head to look up at his concerned husband. Next to him Izzy gracefully sunk to her knees, wrapping her arms around Jace and pressing her face against the back of his neck. The three of them were huddled together on the floor, Jace nestled between the two of them in a protective cocoon just like they had used to do when they were younger and Jace still had nightmares about the abuse Valentine had put him through. Pulling in his own shaky breath Alec turned his head back round and pressed his face into Jace’s hair. No one said anything, the only sound in the suspiciously quite room Jace’s ragged breathing and pained cries.

Alec didn’t know how to fix what was broken between Simon and Jace but what he did know was that they would help the blonde shadowhunter through it as a family. Jace was their brother, as much a Lightwood as he was a Herondale and Alec would do everything within his power to make Jace happy. Even if it meant dragging Simon back from London kicking and screaming or keeping him there for as long as he could. Whatever Jace needed Alec would give him because they were brothers, parabatai, family and Alec always took care of the people he loved.

Track 7 - This world can hurt you. It cuts you deep and leaves a scar. Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: Simon doesn’t want to be here, the thought of seeing Jace again leaving him an unpleasant mix of angry and nervous. He’s determined to make the best of it though and when a rather attractive seelie starts to take an interest in him Simon’s all for it. So naturally that’s the point Jace comes crashing back into focus and Simon’s left scrambling for solid ground.

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first

Simon really didn’t want to be here.

He had forgotten about the party in the mess of things and it had only been Izzy asking what he had been planning on wearing the day before that Simon had remembered about it with an all consuming panic that had left him scrambling for an excuse not to go. He had tried to talk his way out of it but he had been so nervous and panicked that he had stumbled over his words and failed to come up with a reasonable excuse in the moment. Izzy hadn’t accepted any of his stammered excuses anyway, sighing down the phone and pointing out how bad it would look if Simon wasn’t there considering his involvement with the cabinet and his current job roll. Reluctantly he had given in, promising to be there even though he desperately wanted to be anywhere else right now.

It wasn’t that he was trying to avoid the institute. He had been a couple of times in the last few weeks but it had all been planned out, Simon one hundred percent sure that Jace wasn’t anywhere near the building and he only stayed for as long as he needed, making sure he was long gone before the blonde showed up. So no, he wasn’t avoiding the institute, he was avoiding one of its occupants and he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far.

It hadn’t exactly been that hard though, considering Jace had practically dropped Simon from his life with relative ease. The only time they had spoken was when Jace had phoned to find out why Simon wasn’t at their scheduled training and even then they hadn’t actually spoken, Simon to terrified to answer the phone because he knew as soon as he heard the other mans voice he would go running back to him like the pathetic mess that he was. So he had just watched it ring, staring at the photo of Jace looking all soft and smiling as he played the piano, the Captain America theme blearing out across his apartment. When it had stopped ringing Simon had held his breath, waiting to see if it would ring again but when it had stayed silent he had snatched it up, staring down at it as he tried to work out why Jace would call him so suddenly after three days of nothing. It was only when he saw the date that he even realized what day it was and the fact he had missed their weekly training session.

That had left a rather sour taste in Simon’s mouth, the realization that Jace only cared because he was missing out on training making Simon’s already dark mood even worse. Of course all he was good for was being used as a moving target. He had sent Jace a rather short and abrupt text, a flimsy excuse as to why he hadn’t shown up. Normally he would ramble on, even in texts but he couldn’t come up with a worthwhile reason and he honestly couldn’t be bothered to think up some elaboration lie so he had just stuck with being vague and hoped that Jace wouldn’t pry. It seemed to work, Jace sending back a simple ‘ok’ and Simon had deflated, throwing his phone across the room and through his open bedroom door, the thing thankfully landing on his bed though it lacked the satisfying smash he had been after. That’s were it had stayed, untouched and unwanted until Simon had crawled into bed early the next morning and found it dead and tangled in his sheets. He hadn’t charged it for two days.

That had been the last time he had had anything to do with Jace. Simon was used to talking to the other man every day if not seeing him but now there was nothing and his life felt oddly empty without Jace there to fill the silence. He missed Jace, more than he had thought possible and Simon found himself desperate for any bit of information to do with the man. He knew he was annoying his friends, especially Izzy, with his constant questioning about the other shadowhunter but he needed to know and as he couldn’t go directly to the source he had to get the information from somewhere. Izzy had snapped at him the other day, refusing to tell him anything else to do with Jace and informing him that if he wanted to know he could go ask Jace himself but they both knew he wouldn’t. Jace didn’t want him in his life, didn’t need him and Simon wasn’t about to force his presence on someone who didn’t want him just because he couldn’t get his own pathetic crush under control.

Nervously Simon shifted, his hands clenching on his thighs as he tried not to dwell too much on the blonde currently missing from his life. Above him Izzy sighed, her hand stilling from where she was in the process of applying a worrying amount of eyeliner. “Sorry,” he mumbled, making an effort to go as still as he could so as not to end up looking like a pander. He hadn’t even realized what he was agreeing to when Izzy had asked about putting some makeup on him, his attention completely focused on looking around for Jace and trying to figure out how he was going to avoid him all night whilst also not staring at him all heart broken and longingly. It was his own fault for not paying attention and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her no when she had pushed him down onto her bed and came at him with her makeup bag and a wide smile.

It wasn’t that big of a deal though. Izzy had seemed happy when he agreed and if he could at least make someone happy then he would endure it. Plus he knew that if it looked bad she would get rid of it before anyone else could see him like it. Like the gluten for punishment he was Simon couldn’t help but wonder what Jace would think. He already knew that Jace thought his normal sense of fashion was nerdy and a little to teenage boy but this was different, Simon had put actual effort into his outfit tonight and he couldn’t help but wonder if Jace would approve of it.

Izzy had said he looked hot but she had said that the last time he wore a suit, claiming that it was a good look for him. Raphael had been over the moon about that, well as much as his normally stoic self could be. He had gifted Simon a few suits after that, insisting that if he wanted anyone to take him seriously he would need to ditch the band tees, skinny jeans and hoodie combo he lived in. Simon of course had tried to decline but one look from the then vampire and he had promptly shut up and taken them, never planning on putting another one on unless it was for another wedding or something like this. The suit he had picked for tonight was one of Raphael’s, the cut having been altered to fit Simon at the other mans insistence.

Right up until he was getting ready Simon had been planning on wearing a black suit, whit shirt combo, something simple and not at all likely to draw attention to himself but stood in front of his wardrobe his eyes had been drawn to the deep red fabric and he had thought why not. Why shouldn’t he draw attention to himself? He knew he looked good in it and wearing a suit always made him feel more confident. Clary had used to call it his boss outfit and when Simon had pulled the thing on and looked at himself in the mirror he had felt like the boss, like he could take on anyone and everything, including Jace but all that confidence had gone out the window as soon as he had stepped foot inside the institute, his nerves and anxiety coming back ten fold.

Shifting slightly, Simon cracked the eye open that Izzy wasn’t currently working on, taking in the look of concentration she was wearing. She looked gorgeous, her dress black lace with a plunging neckline to show of her ample cleavage and a slit up one side of the skirt. Her angelic power rune was perfectly framed, her long dark hair curled slightly and tumbling over her bare shoulders, her own eye makeup done to perfection and her lips an enticing blood red. She was stunning but Simon always thought she was and once again he felt that little pang of regret that they hadn’t worked out. It would have been so easy with her, had been whilst it lasted but Simon’s heart wanted what it wanted and that was a blonde pretty boy who was an insensitive asshole that didn’t love him back. Well at least he was consistent, though falling for yet another friend who couldn’t see his devotion to them was a habit he didn’t wish to carry on through his long life.

“Is erm, Jace coming tonight?” Simon winced at how pathetic he sounded, Isabelle only just managing to move the eyeliner brush out of the way before it could end up smudged across his cheek. “Simon,” she chastised softly and he offered her up an uneasy smile. “Sorry,” he apologized again, letting his eyes fall closed once more and tipping his head back to give her better access to his eyes. He was apologizing to her a lot lately, to the point he was seriously considering getting the two words printed on a t-shirt so he could just point at his chest in the future. Sighing Izzy’s grip tightened on his jaw, holding his head still as she went back to applying the black liquid to his eyes.

They stayed in silence whilst she finished, Simon trying to concentrate on her slow and steady heartbeat so his mind didn’t wander but it was difficult, even with the distraction. He felt on edge, his whole body thrumming with his nerves and being forced to sit still wasn’t helping. He wanted to get up and pace, to ramble a mile a minuet and try and burn off some of his nervous energy. Most of all though he wanted to run, as far away as he could as fast as he could because he wasn’t ready for this, to face Jace with his angry, judgmental eyes and harsh words that left Simon feeling like he was somehow less. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough and then he would finally have some distance between him and the young adult supernatural drama his life had become and maybe then he would finally be able to breath, metaphorically speaking that is.

“Done,” Izzy announced, letting go of Simon’s chin and taking a step back. Simon’s eyes slowly fluttered open, his eyelids feeling strangely heavy with the makeup on. Izzy was beaming at him, her eyes practically alight but Simon couldn’t tell if it was with amusement or because she was happy with how he looked. He would think it was amusement because Simon really didn’t think he would be able to rock the whole makeup wearing, bi fashion icon look like Magnus did. “On a scale of one to ten, one being slightly and ten being never show my face in publicly again, how stupid do I look?” Simon asked, finally letting his posture go lax now he didn’t have to worry about messing up his face. Izzy huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Why don’t you have a look and you tell me.” She stepped to the side, gesturing towards the full length mirror in the corner of her room.

With a groaned Simon pushed himself up off the bed, giving Izzy an unimpressed look as he walked past her towards the mirror. If he looked stupid why couldn’t she just tell him, instead of making him acknowledge how ridiculous he looked and making that image stay with him for the rest of his extremely long life? He kept his eyes on Izzy as he stepped up to the mirror, trying to prolong the obvious embarrassment he was sure was coming his way. Her smile softened, tipping her head forward slightly and looking at Simon in that mix of fond exasperation that he was so used to. “Seriously, how bad is it? Are we talking Brandon Lee in The Crow bad or Alice Cooper bad because even though they may seem similar one is definitely worse than the other and I think I deserve to know what I’ve gotten myself into,” Simon rambled, the words as they often did just rushing out of him in one breath. “Simon,” Izzy laughed, looking at him pointedly and gesturing towards the mirror. “Fine, don’t tell me but if I look like Alice Cooper I’m telling Magnus you were the one who spilt coffee in his Dolce and Gabbana jacket.” Simon pointed at her, his head inclined forward slightly and giving her a pointed look. Izzy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes at him once more. “Would you just look already.” Taking a deep breath Simon readied himself for the utter ridiculousness that was about to greet him and turned to the mirror.

Oh.

Oh wow.

Simon had been expecting pander eyes and to resemble an overzealous goth who though more was better but he was pleasantly surprised, looking more like 2012 era Adam Lambert then he had been prepared for. With his tailored suit and hair slicked back Simon looked good, really good and he couldn’t quite believe it. “So, what do you think?” Izzy asked, stepping up next to him and smiling smugly. Simon lifted his chin up slightly, running his hands down the lapped of his suit jacket before doing up the button. “Not bad Lightwood,” he said, trying to go for indifferent and slightly bored but he wasn’t sure he quite pulled it off. “Just one last thing and then you’ll be good to go.” She uncapped a light colored lip gloss as she spoke and Simon wordlessly turned towards her, parting his lips slightly and holding his breath as she used her finger to smooth it across his lips. Izzy stepped back, her eyes flickering across Simon’s outfit, “perfect.”

“You ready?” Izzy asked over her shoulder, effortlessly gliding through the room and towards the door. Simon took one last look at his appearance in the mirror, happy that he still looked presentable and up to Raphael’s standards. He was sure the once vampire would be satisfied with how well Simon looked, all those hours of chastising him about his personal style and making him iron his suits having payed off. “Yeah,” he sighed, tearing his eyes away from his reflection and following after her. Realistically he wasn’t ready at all, the thought of all those people he would have to interact with not filling him with a great deal of confidence but it was still the thought of having to face Jace that terrified him the most. He wanted to see Jace, he did but he also didn’t and at the moment the urge to run was starting to win out but he had promised Izzy he would be here and he wouldn’t let her down, even if it did make him feel a little uncomfortable.

Resigned to his fate Simon was about to step through the door when Izzy stopped him, placing her hand on his chest to keep him in place. Frowning he looked down at her only to find her playful smile gone and a look of seriousness having taken over. “Jace will be there tonight and I know that you and him are having difficulties at the moment but he’s trying.” Simon scowled at that. Having difficulties was putting it lightly. Jace was being an insensitive ass on a good day and out right mean on a bad one and apart from living his life like Jace had pre Clary Simon didn’t understand why he was suddenly being treated with such hostility.

“The only thing he’s trying to do is be an asshole and he’s succeeding,” Simon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking past Izzy and down the empty hallway. He could here the sound of party goes downstairs, the gentle sound of music filtering up along with the faint murmur of conversation. He wanted to get this over and done with and the sooner they got downstairs the sooner Simon would be able to make his escape after a couple of hours but Izzy deciding to talk about Simon’s biggest worry now was pushing his longed for escape further and further away. “Just give him a chance, you know he isn’t good with expressing his emotions and though he may not say it he has missed you.”

Simon’s head jerked back round at her words, eyes wide in surprise and not quite believing what she had said. Jace missed him, missed Simon and though that had his dead heart soaring he couldn’t quite believe it. If Jace missed him so much, if he had cared enough in the first place then why had he pushed Simon away? Jace had done this to himself, had made it clear that he didn’t want Simon around and he had given him the space he wanted. No Jace hadn’t missed him, he couldn’t have but Simon had missed him almost the same way he had missed the sun after he was first turned because Jace was bright and warm just like the sun and everything seemed duller and colder without him around. No Jace didn’t miss him because if he did it just made everything worse and Simon really just wanted to move on with his life right now and get over Jace Herondale before he was driven mad by it all.

“Fine,” he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side. He would be polite and friendly just as long as Jace offered him the same courtesy but the moment he started something Simon was leaving. He didn’t have to put up with it just because he was in love with the guy and he owed it to himself to have a little self respect to realise that. “Thank you,” Izzy smiled softly and Simon started to feel a little guilty about the fact he wasn’t planning on giving Jace an opportunity to make Simon give him a chance. If the last few weeks had taught him anything it was that he need to get a grip of his life and move on. It’s why he had practically jumped at the opportunity to go to London, answering so quickly that he had cut Alec off half way through explaining why they wanted him to go in the first place.

Alec had seemed a little hesitant about asking him to go but Simon had been adamant that he would take the job seriously and wouldn’t come back until he had resolved the situation. Alec was still kind of reluctant about all of it though and Simon had tried to assure him the best he could that he wouldn’t let the other man down and thanked him for giving him the opportunity to actually do something like this. Simon had gone home and started researching everything he could, even going as far as to contact the London institute as well as the vampire clans. He had a whole folder full of preliminary information and already had a rapport going with Dorian, the shadowhunter he would be dealing with and Elizabeth, the second in command of the London clans. He was confident he could help resolve their issues with hopefully little to no bloodshed and having something else to focus on would hopefully help him begin to move on with this life. He had a lot of it ahead of him after all and he really didn’t want to spend the next sixty or so years pinning after a man who he couldn’t have.

“Shall we?” he asked, offering Izzy his arm. “What a gentleman,” she smiled, linker her arm through his as Simon offered her a crooked smile in return. As they made their way down stairs Simon tried not to think about Jace or let his eyes frantically dart around the banquet hall for any sign of the blonde man but it was difficult not to, Simon hyper aware that he could be anywhere. He let Izzy lead him into the middle of the room, listening as she told him who was who and why they had been invited, whispering low enough for him to pick up with his vampire hearing so as not to alert anyone else to what she was saying because a lot of it was gossip and probably wouldn’t go over that well.

It was easy enough, the two of them working their way around the room and making introductions. Simon had been surprised how many people had known who he was and had wanted to meet him, asking him his opinion on downworlder matters that he felt completely under qualified to even be talking about let alone have an opinion on. Izzy stayed by his side though, acting as a buffer when his anxiety started to get the better of him. At some point they got sucked into a conversation with another shadowhunter that Simon had never meet before, his accent thick and his English a little broken. Izzy seemed to know who he was though and the two of them dissolved into a rather serious conversation about how best to run an institute. Simon tried to pay attention, he really did but he soon found his interest slipping as his gaze began to wonder.

There were so many people, talking and drinking and uncaring that the down world was mixing with the shadow one. Vampires were talking to werewolves, warlocks and sorceress deep in conversations with shadowhunters and seelie’s just effortlessly floating around the room and drawing everyone in. It was truly something to behold considering just a few short years ago you would have struggled to get any of them in a room together let alone willingly talking and being friendly with one another. Alec had done an amazing job with the alliance and he more then deserved his promotion to inquisitor.

As he continued to look around Simon’s thoughts began to stray, seemingly unable to stop himself from remembering the last time he had seen Jace and everything that had come after.

When Jace had unceremoniously sent him away all those weeks go Simon had welcomed Tyler into his home and his bed. It had been angry and aggressive, Simon covered in bruises and scratch marks and what might have been a fractured wrist but he had wanted it to hurt, wanted one pain to cover up another and the werewolf had provided that but once he was done, leaving Simon face down in his bed and covered in both their cum he hadn’t felt any kind of satisfaction. He had just laid there, staring out his window and watching the sun set and knowing full well he needed to get up and wash the evidence of his tryst off yet not being able to find the motivation to do so. Instead he had thought about Jace, about the sudden change of his attitude towards Simon and what he could have possibly done to trigger it. It had taken him five hours to drag himself out of his bed and get clean, another hour after that to change his sheets, though he had considered just burning them.

Sleeping with Tyler had been a mistake, a decision born of anger and hurt and Simon regretted acting so rashly. He had stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, telling himself he wasn’t going to let Jace get to him, nor let his emotions dictate his actions. He was going to give Jace the Simon free life he wanted and he was going to get on with his own life and not let one person’s rotten attitude force him into changing his lifestyle. Of course that little pep talk had lasted all of an hour and what he actually had done was wallow in self-pity and heartbreak.

Simon had spent almost a week locked in his apartment, laying around and clutching the pieces of his broken heart. He hadn’t gone out anywhere, hadn’t answered any calls, nor any of Maia’s insistent banging on his apartment door. About two days in he had managed to send a quick text to Izzy and Maia saying he was fine, just busy with vampire stuff witch wasn’t untrue. He was a vampire and he was busy doing stuff, like contemplating packing a bag and making a run for it. He had enough money saved up that he thought he would be able to make it to Ohio if not Michigan if he budgeted like crazy but that was just a stupid little fantasy for when he was feeling at his lowest.

After that first week Simon had had no choice but to go out. Maia was refusing to bring him any blood and despite how crappy he was feeling Simon didn’t want to end up starving himself and attacking his neighbors. So reluctantly he had trudged off to the Hunters Moon getting a full ten minute lecture about his childish sulking before Maia would hand over his order. She had had a point though, Simon was being childish and over dramatic. If Clary had been there she would have allowed him maybe a day to wallow before bursting into his apartment and dragging his pathetic ass out into the real world and making a start on forgetting the boy who had broken his heart, even unknowingly. Of course if Clary had been there she and Jace would be madly in love still and Simon would probably still be with Izzy. It had been enough though, Simon resolute in his decision to put Jace and his shitty attitude behind him and he had put in every effort to get back to normal. Well as normal as his life could be considering it had a rather large Jace sized hole in it.

Simon hadn’t slept with anyone since Tyler, hadn’t even made an attempt to so much as flirt with anyone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had just kind of gone that way. It probably didn’t help that whenever he found someone attractive he could here Jace in his head, judging him as he sneered out ‘band practice huh’. It was an instant mood killer, Simon turning his attention else where and feeling guilty for so much as looking at some. A ridiculous thought really because he didn’t have a reason to feel guilty. It wasn’t like he was dating anyone.

Instead he had slipped back into his old self, surrounding himself with his comics and video games but most importantly his music. He had tried to write some of his book but he couldn’t find it in him to do so but his music stuck with him and Simon found himself composing one song after another. They were mostly about love, about heartbreak and letting go and how unrequited love could ruin a friendship. He poured everything into his music, finding it cathartic to get it all out. It still didn’t change the fact that the thought of seeing Jace still terrified him. Didn’t change the fact that Simon loved him and missed him, whilst also being so incredibly mad at him at the same time. It didn’t change anything but it gave Simon an outlet because he still couldn’t bring himself to say out loud everything that Jace had come to mean to him, except in his music that is. His music spoke of everything Simon couldn’t and right now that was enough for him.

“Look at him Alec.” Simon’s head snapped round at the angry hiss, yanked from his thoughts like a fish on a hook. He would recognize that voice anywhere. Jace was facing away from him, looking up at Alec who looked like he had smelled something bad as he gestured behind him towards were Simon stood. Everything else vanished, the world around him going silent as his smile fell and he watched as Alec dragged his eyes across him before smirking only to have it fall into a scowl as Jace jabbed a finger at him, clearly angry about something. No not something, someone. He was angry about Simon and that had his insides twisting painfully.

Simon had thought he was ready for that, thought he would have been able to handle Jace not wanting him there but he had been wrong. The anger directed towards him had been shocking, leaving Simon feeling like he should make his excuses and leave before he managed to make things any worse than they already were. He hated it, hated that he cared so much about Jace that he was willing to ditch his other friends even though Jace clearly didn’t return the sentiment. He didn’t deserve the hostility, the anger and casual meanness that Jace had been directing at him for the past month. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t causing any problems and he most certainly hadn’t done anything that Jace hadn’t done himself. If Jace wanted to be an asshole then fine, that was his prerogative but Simon wasn’t about to stand there and take it. He had promised to give Jace a chance but clearly the other man didn’t want one so Simon wouldn’t give him the opportunity. He wasn’t about to change who he was because one person took issue with what he did in his spare time and if Jace couldn’t see past his own pettiness and fragile ego then that was his problem not Simon’s.

With a new determination to prove to Jace that whatever it was going on between them hadn’t effected him in the slightest Simon turned back to Izzy, letting the sound rush back in as he focused on her and the shadowhunter before them. He placed his hand on the small of her back, angling his body closer to hers and leant in. “Please tell me I’m not this boring when I ramble because if I am just stake me now and put everyone out of their misery,” he whispered, delighting in the startled laugh it got him. He pulled away with a wide smile, the other shadowhunter looking confused for just a moment before he carried on talking like nothing had happened. Smiling Simon managed to snag a glass of blood off a passing waiter, glad of something to keep his hand busy as the feeling of being watched had his skin tingling. He didn’t need to look to know who it was watching him and he didn’t want to look either, didn’t want to see the look of disgust he knew would greet him if he did. Instead he took a sip of the room warm blood, keeping his attention on the man before him. He wouldn’t give Jace the satisfaction of letting him know he was getting to him.

Everything was kind of a blur after that. Simon went out of his way to make sure he was never alone, flitting from one conversation to the next. He never once looked up at Jace despite almost constantly being able to feel his gaze boring into the side of his head and after about an hour he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even really registering it any more. Izzy had left him not long after their conversation with the other shadowhunter had ended, having been distracted by a seelie who wanted to talk about their part in the alliance. Simon couldn’t blame her, the man had been kind of beautiful but all seelie’s were and if Simon had been her he would have ditched him to.

Despite his reservations about the party Simon had found himself actually enjoying himself once he finally relaxed a little. He was surprised by how easy he found it on his own, actually managing not to ramble too much and hold rather adult and serious conversations. It gave him confidence that when he got to London he wouldn’t screw things up and prove Alec right that he shouldn’t have sent him in the first place.

As the night passed Simon found himself in the company of a seelie, the two of them talking about music and art but it didn’t take long for Simon to realise she was flirting with him. She was pretty, just like all seelie were, with a slight green shimmer to her skin that Simon found appealing. He wanted to know if it went all the way down or stopped just under the edges of her clothing. Her hair was long and curled, the soft red strands tumbling over her shoulders and her eyes green like fresh grass. She reminded him of the old seelie queen when she had been in her older form and a little like Clary to though she lacked the same fierce glint in her eyes that Clary had had. That probably should have put him off but instead it spurred him on, a sense of familiarity settling in that was just pathetic, even for him.

As far as ideas went it was a bad one but she was beautiful and Simon was lonely. He didn’t want to go home alone to his apartment tonight, didn’t want to be left alone with his doubts and insecurities. He didn’t stop her when she moved into his personal space, her hand lightly gliding up his chest to finger his tie as she smiled coyly up at him. Simon was good at this, had had enough practice over the last year to know how these things went and what was expected of him. Smiling he gripped her waist with one hand, pulling her closer to him so he could lean in and whisper in her ear. His lips brushed against her ear, Simon about to ask if she wanted to leave with him, maybe find a nice piece of moon drenched woodland to get to know each other better in when strong hands grabbed at his hips, pulling Simon away from her and back into a solid chest.

Simon made a small surprised squeak that he would deny latter, going stiff in the strangers hold. It wasn’t that Simon was opposed to these kinds of things but the seelie hadn’t given him any indication she was with anyone else so that could only mean that this guy was taking liberties and putting his hands where they weren’t wanted. Simon scowled, pulling in a deep breath to tell the guy he had ten seconds to let go or he was losing a hand when he got a lungful of sunshine and leather. A familiar voice rumbled against his ear and Simon stopped breathing, his entire body shutting down.

“There you are.” Jace’s voice was a low rumble, his lips brushing against Simon’s cheek as he spoke and sending shivers down his spine. He didn’t know what was happening, his words failing him as Jace pressed in closer. Out of all the possible things that could have happened tonight, Jace’s sudden clingy-ness was not something Simon would have placed bets on. He was so warm, his natural heat sinking through Simon’s suit and warming his cold skin, the shadowhunters smell invading all his senses. He had missed this and having it now had him feeling like he had been dying of dehydration all this time they had been apart and suddenly he had been dunked into a lake, gasping and gulping water down as he drowned.

In front of him the seelie smirked, arching an amused eyebrow at the pair of them and Simon offered her an apologetic smile, not really sure what the hell was going on. “Hey Jace, I’m erh kind of in the middle of something dude,” he laughed nervously. Simon tried to come off as casual, as if the last few weeks hadn’t happened and they were the same as they had been then, close friends who were a little too familiar with one another but his body was stiff, his voice strained and his hand spasming on the seelie’s waist as he fought the urge to shove Jace off him.

Turning his head Simon tried to look round at the blonde behind him but Jace didn’t pull away like he thought he would and all it did was drag his lips across Simon’s cheek and put them dangerously close to Simon’s own. He quickly jerked his head back round, eyes wide and swallowing loudly. If he was still alive Simon had no doubt he would be flushed bright red now, his heart slamming away painfully in his chest and his palms sweating as he tried and failed to stay calm. Thankfully being dead prevented any of that from happening and Simon was left with just trying to get his facial features under control. He hadn’t been ready to find Jace’s face so close and the almost accidental brush of lips had Simon feeling both panicked and kind of giddy. He suddenly felt like his twelve year old self again, getting his first kiss in a game of spin the bottle at Mandy Moor’s thirteenth birthday party. It wasn’t an experience he was too thrilled about reliving.

“Your always busy, with your little band practice,” Jace grumbled the last couple of words, sounding bitter and if Simon didn’t know any better jealous but that couldn’t be right. Jace didn’t even like him right now so there was no way he would be jealous of what Simon had been up to, unless that was it. Maybe that was what the issue had been all along and Jace was angry that Simon had encroached on his reputation, getting one of his own to rival that of the blondes. “No different to book club angel boy,” Simon said tersely, rolling his shoulder back to jostle the man behind him in an attempt to get him off. Jace huffed, tilting his head down to drag his lips along Simon’s neck and hands tightening on his hips. “It’s different cos it’s you,” he grumbled and Simon didn’t know whether to be offended or not. Everyone always assumed Simon was a nerdy sexless idiot but he had skills, had gotten Clary, Maia and Izzy into bed before he had even honed them so yeah Jace could shove it.

Before he could tell Jace where he could shove it the seelie sighed, drawing his attention back to her. She didn’t look angry but she didn’t look happy either. “You seem like you have your hands full daylighter, another time perhaps.” She cupped Simon’s other cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips but before she could get close enough Jace growled, low and threatening and she jerked back, eyes wide with surprise that was probably mirrored by Simon’s own look of shock. “Back off,” he snarled, hooking his chin over Simon’s shoulder and jerking him back against him until his entire back was pressing against Jace’s front. There wasn’t even a breath between them now, Simon able to feel every inch of Jace’s well defined muscles against his back and it was almost enough to distract him from whatever the hell it was that Jace had just done.

She scowled at Jace, huffing before storming off, flicking her long hair over her shoulder as she went. “What the hell dude?” Simon hissed, jerking out of Jace’s hold and whirling round to glare at the other man. Jace looked annoyed, his eyes a little glassy and a slight flush to his cheeks and that probably should have sent up a red flag but Simon was too pissed off to really care right now. How dare he come over here after weeks of nothing, after treating Simon like shit and act like he had some sort of right over his time and who he spent it with. Simon wanted to hit him, wanted to push and shove him away and demand that he just stop, whatever this was that he was doing but Izzy and Magnus had put so much effort into the party, Alec having poured his heart and soul into the alliance and Simon wouldn’t be the one to mess all of that hard work up, regardless of how much he wanted to slap some sense into Jace right now.

“She wasn’t your type,” Jace huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, turning his head to look out across the room and pouting like the spoiled brat he was. Simon scowled at him, mimicking his pose and holding his head up high. “Really, and you know what is?” Simon scoffed. Jace was being ridiculous and Simon couldn’t understand why. He turned back to Simon, his eyes flickering over him before making eye contact. “Yes,” he said seriously and Simon just blinked at him, unsure of how to take the simple but confident answer. Something was off, even more so than had been over the last month and he needed to find out what before they dissolved into a full blown argument that they wouldn’t be able to come back from.

Narrowing his eyes Simon stepped into Jace’s space, ducking his head down till their noses were almost touching. Jace’s lips parted slightly as he pulled in a breath, his head tilting as his tongue poked out to wet his lips, angling his mouth more towards Simon’s as if he was expecting a kiss but that was ridiculous. Jace wouldn’t ever want to kiss him. Simon sucked in a breath, tasting Jace’s own as he breathed out and instantly he jerked back. “Dude are you drunk?” he hissed in disbelief, looking at the blonde with disapproval. Jace didn’t really drink all that much any more but when he did it was only a beer or two, nothing that would leave him with anything more then a pleasant buzz. He hadn’t gotten this drunk since just after Clary left and Simon had to carry him back to the institute because he couldn’t stand. That had not been a fun night and Jace had gotten better afterwards so why the hell was he suddenly going back to old habits?

Jace shrugged, his gaze flickering off to the side and looking very much like he was sulking. “You left me on my own,” he mumbled, his gaze flickering briefly back to Simon as if to gage his reaction. Simon felt a sharp stab of guilt at that. As much as he had been angry with the other man, hurt by Jace cutting him out of his life Simon had been just as bad. The blame went both ways, Simon not having even tried to talk to Jace, had even gone out of his way to avoid him. He knew Jace had abandonment issues, they had spoken about it before but in his anger and pain he hadn’t even stopped to consider how Simon’s silence would have affected him. He felt like an ass, and though he was still angry with how Jace had treated him it lessened slightly, instead turning inwards.

Sighing Simon eyed Jace wearily. He had told Izzy he would give him a chance and even though he had been adamant that he wouldn’t and give Jace the opportunity to hurt him again Simon could feel his resolve crumbling. He was weak when it came to Jace and even if he was drunk and acting like an idiot Simon still couldn’t help but give into him. “Thought you didn’t need me?” he asked, a bitter edge to his words because that still hurt and there was no way of hiding that. Jace turned back to him looking directly into Simon’s eyes. “I always need you,” Jace said in all seriousness and Simon’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Jace took Simon’s stunned silence as some kind off permission, unfolding his arms and grabbing hold of Simon’s hips once more, pulling him forward until they were pressed together again. Simon didn’t know what to do, his mind reeling as Jace leant forward, running the tip of his nose along Simon’s jaw and following its path with his lips, all the way up to his ear. “Want you,” Jace rumbled, voice a low purr as he sucked Simon’s earlobe into his mouth and nipped gently at it. Simon’s hands darted out, curling around Jace’s biceps and he let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, his eyes falling shut at the sudden sensation. He felt Jace smirk against the spot behind his ear, his breath hot against his cold skin as he pulled Simon tighter against him.

“Simon,” Jace groaned. Simon’s eyes snapped open, the sound of his own name snapping him out of his daze. What was he doing? What was Jace doing? This was all so strange and jarring, Simon feeling like he had somehow stumbled into a parallel universe without having even noticed. Jace was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing and here Simon was taking advantage of his inebriated state. Jace wasn’t even into guys, was probably just confused and out of it, not even realizing what he was doing to Simon. It didn’t matter that Simon had been dreaming of having this kind of attention from Jace for years now, it wasn’t right and as the only sober one out of the two of them he needed to take control of the situation before Jace did something he couldn’t take back and then there really wasn’t any chance of salvaging what was left of their friendship.

Taking a deep breath Simon tightened his grip on Jace’s arms, holding him in place as he stepped back and out of Jace’s grasp. He ignored the annoyed whine Jace let out and the pout, instead focusing on a point somewhere by Jace’s right ear. “You’re drunk and as your friend it is my duty to stop you from doing something you’ll regret in the morning and this is definitely something you are going to regret.” Jace huffed, grabbing Simon’s elbows and attempting to pull him forward but Simon held his ground, refusing to let the space between them get any smaller. “The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner,” Jace grumbled, tugging on Simon’s arms once more.

Simon groaned, eyes closing and his head falling forward to hang between his arms. This couldn’t be happening, not now. Jace was drunk, Simon could smell the whiskey heavy on his breath and he knew that people said and did things they didn’t necessarily mean when they were to far under the influence but this was just cruel, dangling what Simon wanted most right in front of his face all the while knowing it wasn’t real, wasn’t actually his to have. He wanted to cry, wanted to go home and hide under his blankets and just will the last ten minutes out of existence but first he had to get Jace out of here. They were still friends and Simon wouldn’t leave him down here completely hammered and vulnerable for someone else to take advantage of.

“We need to get you to bed,” Simon stated as he looked up, his voice a lot more confident then he felt. Jace was smirking at him, all confidence and self satisfaction, like he had won something when in reality all he was getting was Simon dragging his drunk ass back up the stairs and dumping him on his bed before making a quick escape. “That was fast, even for a vampire,” Jace leered, winking at him and all Simon could do was stare at him for a long few seconds before sorting and rolling his eyes at the bad joke. “Yeah. Okay Casanova let’s go.” Simon let go of Jace’s arms to turn him around and urge him forward but before he could even take a step towards the doors Jace’s hand darted out, grabbing Simon’s and interlacing their fingers. Confused Simon stared at their joint hands like it was an alien life form. He had touched Jace plenty of times before and they had held hand for a brief few seconds when Simon first came to the institute but this, this was something on a whole different level. “Come on Simon,” Jace insisted, tugging him forward and dumbly he followed, still staring at their joint hands and mumbling a distracted “yeah.”

It was easy enough getting Jace across the room, the blonde going willingly and beaming brightly the whole time. He stumbled a few times, his attention seeming to slip from the task of walking but Simon was there, using his vampire speed to righten him before he even got a chance to even notice his mistake. Jace stayed close to him the whole time, invading Simon’s personal space like it was a normal occurrence and not seeming to even care they were still holding hands when that was all Simon could think of, convinced everyone was staring at them and whispering about things that just weren’t true. It didn’t help matters that Jace kept leaning in, trying to steal kisses that Simon was trying his hardest to avoid.

About half way across the room Simon had caught sight of Alec watching them, his dark eyes tracking their movements with an amused smirk curling up one side of his mouth. Feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t by a teacher Simon quickly tugged his hand free of Jace’s grip, letting his hand fall to his side. Jace had looked at him in a mix of confusion and annoyance, Simon finding the look kind of adorable on the other man but it didn’t last, Jace smirking as he slipped up next to Simon and wrapped his arm around Simon’s back. He didn’t even hesitate to slip his hand up under Simon’s suit jacket, his fingers dangerously close to slipping under the waistband of his trousers as he rubbed small circles into his lower back. It had Simon gritting his jaw, biting down on the angry demand that Jace let him go. If he had been sure that Jace wouldn’t throw up on him he would have chucked him over his shoulder and used his vampire speed to get him to his room just so he could escape this sudden hell he had found himself in quicker.

The stairs turned out to be an obstacle to much for Jace. He stumbled over almost every other step, Simon having no choice but to wrap his arm around the other mans waist whilst Jace slung his arm across his shoulders, just to keep him upright. Jace laughed like it was the best thing ever, turning his head into Simon’s neck and humming as he nuzzled him, uncaring that Simon was practically carrying his up the stairs. “S’posed to tell you, you pretty,” Jace mumbled as Simon managed to get his door open. “Thanks,” Simon answered, not really paying attention as he continued to lead Jace across the room to his bed, a bed Simon had slept in more than once and knew was ridiculously comfortable. That had apparently been the wrong thing to say though because Jace dug his heels in, refusing to go any further into room. “Dude come on, you need to work with me here,” he groaned, turning to look at Jace only to find him frowning sadly down at the floor.

“You don’t think I’m pretty.” Simon stared at Jace as his frown deepened, not really understand what was happening. “What?” Jace huffed, shrugging out of Simon’s hold. “You didn’t say it back,” he grumbled, shakily taking a few steps towards his bed and shrugging his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. Simon followed after him, snatching the discarded item of clothing off the floor and throwing it onto the bed. “You know you’re pretty,” Simon grumbled, finally starting to get annoyed with the other man. He didn’t want to be talking about how pretty Jace was just to give the man an ego boost that he probably wouldn’t even remember when he awoke the next morning.

“But you don’t,” Jace snapped as he turned back to face Simon, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling. “Why does it matter?” Simon yelled, instantly feeling bad as hurt flashed through Jace’s eyes before he dropped his gaze back to the floor. He looked so sad, frowning down at the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself. Simon was being an asshole, lashing out because he felt caged in and to close to being exposed. He was doing exactly what he had been angry at Jace for doing and that wasn’t okay. “Of course I think you’re pretty,” Simon sighed, reigned to his fate and only hoping that Jace wouldn’t hate him for this come morning.

Jace’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and full of hope. Groaning in frustration Simon shoved a hand through his hair, uncaring that he was messing it up. Now that he had started he couldn’t stop, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a calm steady stream of honesty. “I think you look petty first thing in the morning when your hairs a mess and you’re still half asleep and grumpy because you haven’t had your coffee yet. I think you’re beautiful when you fight, all quick and sure movements full of such power and grace. I think you’re handsome when you’re playing the piano and your hair falls in front of your face because you didn’t put any gel in it and you’re smiling because you remembered something good for once. I think you’re stunning when you…oomph.” Simon didn’t get to finish what he had been saying, Jace surging forward and pressing his lips against Simon’s and effectively cutting off his rambling with a bruising kiss.

He stumbled backwards, his arms warping round Jace out of instinct as he tried to balance their weight. Jace didn’t seem to care, wrapping his arms around Simon’s neck and burying his hands in his hair, pressing his lips harder against Simon’s. It was a shock, Simon’s mind going blank for a split second before he was pushing back and returning the kiss, matching Jace’s desperation with his own. It was hard and demanding and completely uncoordinated but it was Jace and Simon found himself unable to care. He gripped tighter at his waist, burying his own hand into the silken blonde strands at the back of his head, holding him closer as he swiped his tongue across Jace’s lips. With a muffled moan Jace granted him entrance, allowing the kiss to be deepened. He tasted like whiskey, sharp and bitter as Simon explored his mouth but underneath that was something unequally Jace and Simon was hungry for more.

He hadn’t even realised his fangs had dropped, not till Jace’s tongue dragged across them with a moan and the sharp metallic tang of blood flooded his mouth. Simon jerked back, the reality of the situation making itself known even as his ever present hunger demanded more. He shouldn’t be doing this, not now, not with Jace drunk and vulnerable. Jace whined, trying to chase Simon’s lips but he craned his neck backwards in an attempt to avoid him. That had been a mistake, Jace deciding to abandon the kiss and instead pressing his lips to Simon’s exposed neck. It was his turn to moan and rather loudly at that. Simon’s neck had always been sensitive but even more so since he had been turned and he found himself clinging onto the back of Jace’s shirt as he nipped and sucked his way from one side of his neck to the other.

This was bad, so very very bad because Simon was getting hard, his arousal taking over as his mind failed to keep up with what was happening. Jace was invading all his senses, shutting down his rational mind and leaving him a pathetic, desperate mess. Simon wanted this, wanted to let the other man do whatever the hell he wanted to Simon, to hell with the consequences but he knew that come morning, if Jace woke up beside him that the realization of what they had done would ruin everything and Jace would never forgive him for letting it happen. Simon wouldn’t blame him, would in fact join Jace in hating him because it would be all his fault. He was the sober one here, had vampire strength and speed at his disposal and he never should have allowed it to get this far in the first place. He needed to leave and he needed to leave now before he took things too far.

“Jace wait,” Simon managed to get out, biting back the urge to moan as blunt teeth scrapped across his jaw. He felt Jace smile, the other man mumbling into his neck. “Been waiting long enough.” Simon didn’t have the chance to ask what the hell he was on about before he was being shoved backwards. The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Simon not even having noticed they had been moving towards it, to distracted by Jace’s lips to even care. He sprawled backwards, half laying and half way pushed up on his elbows but before he could push himself up he got a lap full of Jace, the blonde grinning as he straddled Simon’s thighs.

“I like having you under me,” he grinned, swooping down to steal another kiss even as Simon tried to splutter out some kind of protest. He didn’t know what was happening and Jace was everywhere, his tongue invading Simon’s mouth as his got Simon’s jacket open and his hands start to tug at his shirt, trying to free it from Simon’s trousers. “Always like having you under me,” Jace mumbled as he pulled away from Simon’s lips just long enough to pull in a breath before going back to seemingly trying to make Simon look like he had been mauled by a vampire, sucking and licking at his neck as he kissed his way from one side to the other.

“What?” Simon managed to gasp out. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Jace was saying because it couldn’t be what it sounded like to Simon. No, this was just some drunken exploration of sexuality and definitely not Jace implying that he found Simon attractive and had wanted to do anything even remotely like this when he was sober and clear headed. Oh but it was a wonderful thought and Simon desperately wanted it to be true. He wanted to pretend for just a moment, just a second of eternity that it was real, that Jace actually did like him like that and these past few weeks had been the idiot not handling his jealousy at finding out Simon had been sleeping with other people. Simon wanted to accept that as fact and be able to swallow down the mix of guilt and shame he currently felt at actually enjoying what was happening but it wasn’t because he knew better than to buy into his own deluded fantasies. So no this wasn’t real but it didn’t stop Simon from wanting it, from wanting Jace.

A hunger was taking over, his fangs refusing to go back in but Jace didn’t seem to care, his tongue pushing between Simon’s parted lips and kissing him as if he was just as hungry for Simon as he was Jace. He wanted to flip them over, wanted to map every inch of Jace’s body and leave him a shaking and gasping mess. He wanted Jace, wanted all of him and he wanted to give himself over to the shadowhunter in return and his resolve to put an end to this was rapidly dwindling with every shift of Jace’s ass against his almost painful erection, both of them moaning at the sensation. Simon wanted to devour Jace and that scared the hell out of him.

“Let me have you.” Jace’s nipped at Simon’s ear, purposely and slowly grinding down on Simon’s lap as he did so. He could feel the last little thread of reason slowly starting to fray and he knew if he didn’t get Jace to stop now he never would, giving into his own desires. “Jace stop, you’re not…ah!” Simon cried out as Jace bit down on his neck, hard. “Shit” he cursed, his hand darting up and fingers pressing against the bite mark to make sure Jace hadn’t broken the skin. That was the last thing he needed right now and despite it not being Simon’s fault Alec would definitely kill him if Jace ended up inthralled by him.

With the fear of Alec in him Simon gripped Jace’s shoulders and pushed him back, finally putting some distance between them, though considering Jace was still on his lap it wasn’t that much of a difference but those few extra inches left Simon feeling like he could breath finally. “Alright, that’s enough out you, you overgrown leach.” Simon’s neck felt warm, the bite mark throbbing in time to Jace’s racing pulse. Jace huffed, pouting as he crossed his arms over his chest. His cheeks were flushed red, his lips spit slick and kiss swollen and his eyes dark with arousal, his once perfectly styled hair now sticking up at odd angles thanks to Simon’s wondering hands. His shirt collar was undone, his tie pulled loose and it just added to the whole debauched angel look he had going on. Jace looked good, even better considering Simon had been the one responsible and he was finding it hard not to shove his hands back into Jace’s hair and pull him back in for a heated kiss to get more of those breathless and sinful sounds from him. “You let everyone else have you so why not me?” Jace grumbled.

It was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over him, the burning fire of his desire extinguished with just a few simple words. “What?” he croaked out, his voice cracking slightly and his grip on Jace’s shoulders going lax. Was that really how Jace saw him? Did he really think that Simon was the kind of guy who would fall into bed with anyone and everyone so why not let Jace have a go whilst he was at it? The thought made him feel sick, the blood he had been drinking all night turning into lead in his stomach. He felt dirt and used, worse so then the times he had slept with Tyler. At least then he had known what it was he was getting himself into, the werewolf having been upfront about what he wanted from their exchanges. Jace couldn’t even do that, couldn’t even give Simon a scrap of dignity, practically reducing him down to nothing more than a whore. He wasn’t even that though. They got paid for what they did and Jace wanted it for free, expected Simon to just spread his legs and be thankful that he had finally gotten to sleep with the blonde.

He hadn’t realized a dead heart could break but Simon felt it like a nail was being hammered into it and splitting the useless organ apart.

“It’s just sex Simon,” Jace mumbled, leaning back in to press more kisses along Simon’s neck and he just let him, not even feeling it. That’s all it was to Jace, wasn’t it? Just sex. Just a little relief and Simon had been a sure thing in his eyes because he had a reputation now. He slept around, it didn’t matter that he took his bed partners on dates or that he took the time to get to know them first. Simon was considered easy and that was enough for Jace who had been so sure that Simon wouldn’t care who it was he was falling into bed with just as long as he got a good fuck out of it. “Get off me,” he whispered, not even sure his voice was loud enough to be heard. If it was Jace chose to ignore him, using Simon’s lax state to start trailing kisses along his jaw once more, his hands dropping to his belt and something in him snapped as he felt the blonde tugging at the leather.

“GET OFF ME!” Simon yelled as he stood up, shoving Jace off him as he used vampire speed to make it half way across the room in the blink of an eye. The blonde fell to the floor with a painful thud, groaning as his ass hit the wooden floor. “What the hell Simon?” Jace snapped, glaring up at him even as he tried to push himself up, wincing at the pain. Normally Simon would be worried he had hurt him, would be spluttering out an apology but not now. Right now he hated the man before him and he wanted Jace to know it. “Me! What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed, his hands clenched at his sides and nails digging into his palms. Jace frowned, swaying slightly as he finally made it his feet. “I thought you…” Jace didn’t get a chance to finish, Simon snarling and cutting him off. “You thought what? That because I’ve slept with a few people I wouldn’t care who the hell I fucked? That you could tell me I was pretty and that would be enough to have me spreading my legs for you like some five dollar back alley whore?”

Jace’s eyes went wide, his flushed face paling noticeably. “Simon I…” he started but Simon once again cut him off, not wanting to give him time to try and charm his way out of the situation. “Well I have news for you asshole. Unlike you I still have some self respect and despite what you think I actually have standard.” The room fell into silence, Simon’s body tensed and breathing heavily whilst Jace looked at him like his whole world view had been shattered. Good. Simon wasn’t some push over any more and just because they had been friends didn’t mean Simon would take his bullshit.

When Jace failed to say anything, his mouth just flapping like a fish out of water Simon scoffed, spinning on the balls of his feet and heading for the door. “Wait,” came Jace’s desperate plea, warm fingers wrapping around Simon’s wrist and tugging him back wards. Simon spun back round, yanking his arm free of the other mans grasp and snarling, his fangs still on full display. His hands were still curled into fists and he didn’t even stop to think as he swung his arm round and slammed his fist into Jace’s jaw. He let out a startled cry, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet and ending sprawled across the floor once more. He looked up at Simon with shock, cradling the side of his face with one hand as he kept himself propped up with his other arm. “Do not touch me, ever again. You don’t have the right to put your hands on me.”

Simon strode across the room, grabbing the open door with every intention of leaving and never looking back but instead he came to a stop in the doorway, his grip tightening on the handle to the point he could hear the metal groaning under the pressure. He didn’t look back at Jace as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the closed door on the opposite side of the corridor, “and to think I actually though you cared about me but I really do mean that little to you don’t it? Guess I’ll never stop being that pathetic little tag along whose name you couldn’t even be bothered to learn.” There was a sharp intake of breath behind him, Jace’s heart stuttering slightly and he could swear he could smelt salt in the air. “Jokes on me I guess. I should have known then you’d break my heart.” Simon’s voice remained remarkably calm and cold, a hollow numbness seeming to take over him.

“Simon please I….” Simon slammed the door behind him, cutting off Jace’s desperate and panicked sounding plea. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say, not now, not ever if he was being honest. Behind

Track six: I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others

Chapter summary: It’s time for Jace to finally make his move on Simon, planning to grovel for his forgiveness before asking the vampire out on a date that was long overdue. It should be easy enough but Simon seems determined to keep out of Jace’s way and when a seelie starts to take an interest in the daylighter Jace’s jealousy gets the better of him.

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first

Jace felt sick.

Nervously he fiddled with his clothes, tugging his tie down to open the top two buttons of his shirt. He hated wearing suits, they were stuffy and restrictive and left Jace feeling like he was being suffocated. Having it on didn’t help his nerves any, Jace desperately wishing he could strip it all off and slip back into his jeans and black henley, his leather jacket pulled on like a piece of armor over top. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like he was about to walk unarmed into a horde of shax daemons. At least he had been able to convince Magnus to let him wear all black instead of the cobalt blue monstrosity he had tried to force him into.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before.” Jace’s eyes flickered up, glaring at Alec through the mirror he had been stood in front for the last half hour fussing over his appearance. He was leant in Jace’s open doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles, managing to look both relaxed and stern all at once. Magnus had managed to get him into a slightly flashier suit than he was used to, the thing mostly black with gold roses on the right forearm and left wrist as well as the left best. He had left the jacket open, his crisp white shirt on display and a black and gold bowtie to match. He looked good, well put together and Jace had little to no doubt that was all Magnus’s doing.

Huffing Jace darted his eyes back to his reflection, watching his hands as he began to fiddle with his cuffs, tugging them down slightly. He had a right to be nervous. He was either going to walk away from tonight in a relationship or with a broken heart and even more reasons why he shouldn’t open up to anyone. He didn’t think Simon was the kind of guy to laugh at someone in this kind of situation but the thought had crossed Jace’s mind in the last three days and he was half way convinced that was how Simon would react. That or he would just take one look at Jace and walk away without him even having gotten the chance to open his mouth.

“You look fine.” Alec’s reassurance cut through Jace’s nerves and he sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to stop himself from falling into a full blown panic. “I always look fine,” Jace smirked at Alec through the mirror, winking at his parabatai for good measure. Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes as he pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards him. “Debatable but whatever helps you sleep at night.” He stepped up behind Jace, a large hand curling around his elbow and gently he turned Jace round to face him. He went willingly, his nervous hands falling to his side and he looked up at the other man with an uneasy smile. He felt a little calmer with Alec there, like he wasn’t going into this fight alone and unprepared. His parabatai would have his back, he always did.

“You’re going to be fine Jace,” Alec said as he smoothed the lapels of Jace’s jacket down, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands. Jace let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Alec, what if he…” he didn’t get a chance to finish, Alec cutting him off with a sharp “no.” Scowling Alec stepped back, deft fingers going back to Jace’s collar and refastening the buttons, all the while looking down at Jace with a mix of disapproval and annoyance. “None of this what if rubbish. You can’t be thinking about that right now or you will talk yourself out of this before we even make it downstairs.” He tightened Jace’s tie, pushing it back up against his collar and fiddling to make sure it was in the center.

Jace scowled, already starting to feel uncomfortable but Alec just raised an eyebrow at him, as if he was daring Jace to try and undo it again. Huffing Jace dropped his gaze, looking off to the side and definitely not pouting. Simon always insisted Jace did it when he sulked after not getting his way and Jace was adamant that he didn’t, no matter what anyone else said. The thought of the other man had Jace’s chest tightening and stomach rolling. He didn’t know it was possible to feel sick and fond all at once but apparently he had been wrong. He had been wrong a lot lately so why not carry that on into tonight? He could only hope that he didn’t turn out to be wrong about taking this risk with Simon.

Sighing Jace lifted his hand, planning on running it through his hair but before he could even get it half way up Alec’s hand was darting out, slapping Jace’s hand away before he could ruin his hair that he had spent far too long styling, making sure it was perfect. “I get it,” Alec reassured, stepping back slightly and folding his arms behind his back and completely ignoring Jace’s scowl. “It’s hard to admit your feelings to someone, especially when you don’t know how they feel in return but if you don’t take the risk you’ll always be wondering what if.” Jace fought the urge to groan and roll his eyes. Ever since the dinner he had had with Alec and Magnus the other night his parabatai had been sprouting stuff like this and it was slowly starting to get to Jace. It didn’t help that he was right. Every single bit of romantic nonsense he came out with was right and Jace hated it.

He had thought that after everything with Clary it would have been easier to tell Simon that he had feelings for him but it was proving to be anything but. At least Simon knew how rubbish he was at these sorts of things so it wouldn’t be a surprise to the brunette when he undoubtedly fucked up somewhere along the line. “Plus if Simon actually hurts you I finally get a valid reason to kick his scrawny ass,” Alec shrugged as he looked off to the side, his eyes lazily moving around the room but Jace could see the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Jace huffed in amusement, shaking his head slightly and smiling back. Even if Simon did turn Jace down tonight he wouldn’t let Alec beat him up for it. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same way and he would hate for the tentative friendship Simon and Alec had built up to fall apart just because the vampire said no.

Uncrossing his arms Alec clasped one of Jace’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Now come on, people started arriving half an hour ago, including your vampire and Izzy can only keep him distracted for so long.” Alec inclined his head towards the door, looking at Jace expectantly. He pulled in a deep breath as he readied himself for what was to come. Simon was down there somewhere and it was Jace’s mission to find him and try and at least fix what had gone wrong between the two of them. That should be easy enough, right? All he had to do was put aside his petty jealousies and insecurities and open up about his feelings to a guy he was almost one hundred percent sure didn’t return his affections. Yeah he could do that, in theory at least, the reality might be a little different.

Rolling his shoulders Jace stood up straighter, head held high and smirk in place. Maybe if he looked confident he might feel it. “Lead the way oh fearless leader,” Jace gestured towards the door, grinning widely. Alec huffed in amusement, rolling his eyes but he still turned, striding across the room. Jace waited for Alec to get half way across the room before he started to follow him, pulling his door closed behind him with a soft click. He tried not to think about Simon or how the night could go as they made their way downstairs, instead focusing on keeping his breathing even and his heart rate steady but it’s a hard task to accomplish when he almost feels like he’s heading to the gallows, Simon waiting for him as either the executioner with his sharpened axe or his savior with a letter of pardon.

The gentle murmur of chatter gets louder as they made their way to the room Magnus and Izzy had designated for tonight’s activities, the soft mix of piano and violins giving the idle chatter almost a musical quality that any other time Jace might have appreciated but as they stepped into the already crowded hall Jace had one thing on his mind and his eyes instantly swept through the crowed of people. It didn’t take long for him to find who he was after, his breath catching as he finally laid eyes on Simon for the first time in weeks.

He looked good but Jace had known how enticing the vampire looked in a suit since Alec’s not wedding to Lydia. Unlike the dark suit he had worn that night though this one was a deep crimson, the cut of it tailored perfectly to show off Simon’s trim waist and broad shoulders. He had a matching red tie on over a crisp black shirt and his black shoes were polished to the point the light glinted off of them. His normally unruly hair was slicked back, his dark eyes rimed in black eyeliner to rival that of Magnus’s and his lips a soft glossy pink. He looked handsome and dangerous, a smirk pulling at his lips as he leaned in slightly to talk to Izzy, a pale hand gently curling around her waist and drawing her in.

Jace once again felt that flash of jealousy, wishing it was him in Izzy’s place with the vampires hand curled around his waist and whispering in Jace’s ear. He wanted to his lips pressing against his neck, Simon’s laughter rumbling against his delicate skin as Jace slid his hands under his suit jacket to feel the muscles he knew when hidden under his clothes. Jace wanted to beg and plead, sink to his knees with Simon’s hand in his hair and those to dark eyes looking only at him. He wants Simon lounging on his bed, legs spread and still in that suit, looking at him with hunger in his eyes and like Jace was the only one who could ever satisfy him.

He couldn’t do this.

“Nope, can’t do it,” he stated, promptly spinning on his heels and making to leave the room. He didn’t get more then two steps before strong hands were gripping his shoulders, pulling him backwards and spinning him back round. “Yes you can,” Alec said flatly, keeping his hands on Jace’s shoulders as he moved to stand slightly behind him, as if he could stop Jace from trying to escape again. Jace would like to see him try. “No I can’t,” he gritted out even as his eyes automatically went back to Simon. He was laughing, his smile so wide it looked almost painful. Jace had missed that, and his laugh and the stupid references that he didn’t always get. Jace had missed Simon and watching him now just made it more painfully obvious how empty his life had been these last few weeks without the other man there.

“And why not?” Alec asked tersely, his grip tightening slightly as Jace turned to face him. “Look at him Alec.” Jace hissed, gesturing blindly behind him towards where Simon had been just moments ago and not at all being subtle about it. “How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with him when all I want to do is rip his clothes off?” Alec pulled a face at Jace’s admission, his nose scrunching up in distaste. Slowly his eyes lifted past Jace, looking over to Simon and the distaste gave way to something closer to curiosity than anything else. “Now that you mention it he does look better in a suit than his normal clothes,” he mumbled, head tipping to the side, his eyes slowly moving down. Jace bristled at the action, he knew that look, had seen it directed one to many times his way and then Magnus’s. “Sort of reminds me of Magnus with all that makeup on,” he mumbled, almost to himself more than Jace.

Jace stepped into Alec’s space, pointing a finger at him. “Touch him and I will end you,” he threatened, not liking the considering look his parabatai was giving Simon. Alec arched an eyebrow at him, an amused smirk pulling one side of his mouth up. Jace was glad he was finding this all so funny because he wasn’t. “And why shouldn’t I touch him?” he asked, his smirk slipping back into his normal serious façade. He wasn’t joking about this. Alec was seriously asking Jace to give him a reason not to do anything with Simon. He had an answer to that on the tip of his tongue, an admission that he didn’t want anyone else anywhere near Simon because he was possessive and territorial but before he could voice his feelings Alec was speaking again, he gaze trapping Jace in place as he tried to goad him into reacting. “Clearly you don’t want him if you are already walking away so why shouldn’t Magnus and I get some enjoyment out of him?”

The thing is Jace knows Alec doesn’t mean it. He’s way to in love with Magnus to ever really consider sleeping with someone else, even if Magnus was involved. He knows that as fact but now that Alec had said it Jace can’t get the thought out of his head. If Alec asked would Simon say yes? He had slept with Izzy when they had been dating and considering Simon didn’t care about gender it wasn’t that far a stretch to think he would find Alec attractive as well. The thought had Jace’s stomach churning, the familiar feeling of anger and jealousy rising once more. Underneath that though was a hollow sense of resignation. As much as Jace would hate it, would get angry and sad at the thought of Alec anywhere near Simon he wouldn’t be able to blame either of them for it.

Simon deserved so much better than Jace. He was an emotionally stunted asshole with daddy issues and a martyr complex. He was a mess who couldn’t deal with situations when they were outside of his control and had zero chill when it came to handling his emotions, especially when he was angry or upset. The whole mess he was in with Simon was proof enough of that. Simon deserved better than how Jace had been treating him and someone like Alec could give him that. He didn’t even necessarily mean Alec, just someone else who was stable, levelheaded and had a clear grasp on their emotional state and how to interact with people outside a work environment and heavy flirting. Simon deserved someone who would look at him the way Alec looked at Magnus, someone who would move heaven and earth to make him happy and accept him as he was. Not a jealous asshole like Jace who lashed out when confronted with truths that he didn’t want to acknowledge and had the act of pushing people away down to an art form.

This was a mistake.

Sighing Alec let go of Jace, snagging two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter and handing one off to Jace. “Stop it,” he snapped, scowling at Jace like he knew exactly where his thoughts had been going. “The point I was trying to make is that you can’t get all upset and pouty about Simon being with other people if you can’t even pull your head out off your ass and make a move yourself.” Jace just grunted, bringing his glass up to his lips and downing half the fizzy drink in one go. Simon wasn’t his boyfriend and maybe that was a good thing. Jace was bound to fuck it up at some point, either by saying or doing the wrong thing. He would over react, make arguments worse and because he had always known how to get under Simon’s skin he would be as much of an asshole back and Jace didn’t want to make Simon like him. Maybe he should just leave it be and let Simon get on with his life and then in a couple of months when they saw each other again they might be able to be at least cordial with one another.

“Whatever you’re doing to convince yourself not to do this just stop.” Alec looked down at him sternly, Jace refusing to look back and keeping his head turned, gaze firmly fixed at some point on the floor between them and the door. He felt like a mess, like he was lost and had no idea how to find his way back again as he chased the sound of Simon calling his name. He had been so sure this morning that talking to Simon was the right thing to do, that getting an answer one way or another would finally allow him to get on with his life but now, as he got closer to finding out Simon’s answer he was starting to think he was only going to make things worse. Not that he thought the current status of his relationship with Simon could get any worse, unless the vampire tried to kill him and honestly Jace might just let him at this point.

“Do you really think we would all be pushing you to do this is we didn’t think it would be worth it? If we didn’t think you and Simon would be good for one another?” Jace’s head snapped up at Alec’s words, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the other man. Alec turned his head to the side, taking a sip of his drink and letting his eyes wonder to any where but Jace. “You know something,” he accused, crossing his arms over his chest and standing straighter, levelling Alec with his best ‘I take no shit’ look.

Alec sighed, looking like he regretted even opening his mouth. “You know he’s been talking to Izzy still right?” Alec’s eyes darted back to Jace, watching him carefully as if he thought Jace would start sulking about the fact. Jace lifted his head slightly higher, giving one sharp nod as answer. Izzy hadn’t kept it a secret that she had still been talking to Simon and Jace had pathetically taken every scrap of information he could get from her, desperately needing to know what the other mans had been up to without him. It had hurt at first, knowing that Simon was still in contact with the others whilst cutting him off completely but Jace was kind of glad about it now. At least Simon hadn’t shut out everyone else just because Jace had been an insensitive prick. He never would have forgiven himself if he had driven Simon away to the point he cut everyone else out of his life just to avoid him.

Alec turned back towards him, looking at Jace like he was weighing up his options and the whole time Jace felt himself tensing, getting ready for Alec to say something that could either ruin or make his night. “Every time they have spoken he’s asked about you.” The breath rushed out of him, Jace’s eyes instantly snapping to the side to find Simon once more. He was still stood with Izzy, his hand resting casually on the small of her back as she spoke to a rather stern looking man, his runes just poking out above the collar of his suit. They looked good together, what with Izzy in a black lace evening dress, her red lipstick almost matching the shade of Simon’s suit perfectly. Normally that would have had him scowling, that almost constant niggling feeling of jealousy making its self known but at Alec’s words a surge of hope had slammed into him like a punch to the gut. Simon wouldn’t be asking after him if Jace had screwed up so completely he didn’t want anything to do with him.

He felt Alec move beside him, turning to stand behind him again. He bent down slightly so he could speak into Jace’s ear, clasping his shoulder again. “If he didn’t care about you, even just as a friend then why would he do that?” Jace watched as Simon leant in slightly, whispering something in Izzy’s ear that made her laugh, pulling away with another wide grin that only got wider as the other man frowned. Simon cared. In one way or another Simon still cared about him and it gave him a new sense of hope that he could at least salvaged something of what they had before, even if it was just friendship. It would hurt for a while and Jace would need some time to lick his wounds but if that was all Simon would be able to offer him then Jace would grab it with both hands. Having Simon in his life as just a friend was better than not having him at all.

“Now, I need to go save Magnus before he gets sucked in to a conversation with Schneider about pack dynamics and you need to go find your vampire and start groveling for his forgiveness. I would suggest leading with a compliment, tell him he’s pretty or something. They like that.” Alec patted him on the shoulder and before Jace could even open his mouth to ask how often he had to do this with Magnus to be that confident this would work Alec was gone, weaving through the crowed to a rather uncomfortable took Magnus and some man who looked like he had been considered old a century ago, three ugly looking scars running done the left side of his face. Sighing Jace turned back to look at Simon just in time to see him snag a glass of what looked like red wine off a passing waiter but by the way the liquid clung to the glass as he took a sip Jace knew it was blood, his tongue darting out to lick the excess from his lips, Jace’s eyes zeroing in on the action but soon enough it was over and Simon’s attention was back on the shadowhunter in front of him.

Huffing Jace knocked back the last of his champagne. If he was going to do this then he would need something a little stronger to help ease his nerves and calm his racing heart. With one last look at Simon Jace turned and headed to the bar, flagging down the bartender quickly and ordering a double whiskey on the rocks. Once he had his drink Jace turned, leaning back against the bar as his eyes easily found Simon again. It was simple, Jace just had to wait for Simon to be left on his own then he would swoop in and ask for a moment alone, whisking Simon off to some secluded room, most likely the library and tell Simon how good he looked in that ridiculous suit before he apologized for being an ass and asked if he wanted to go out some time. Easy.

It was not easy. Not easy at all.

As time ticked by Jace continued to watch as Simon flitted from one person to the next, seemingly charming every person he spoke to and never being left on his own for longer than a couple of seconds before someone else was clamoring for his attention. It was annoying as all hell and every time Jace thought he had an opening, a chance to finally get to Simon and just talk to him the vampire would flit off to someone else and in a blink of an eye Jace’s opening was gone. So as the seconds bled in to minutes then hours and he seemed to get further and further away from accomplishing his goal Jace’s scowl became deeper and his mind hazy as he knocked back one drink after another.

Simon hadn’t even looked up at him, hadn’t so much as acknowledged Jace’s existence and that was just making him more agitated, his hold tightening on his glass as he knocked back the last of his current drink. He had lost count at number seven, or was it eight? Whatever one it was had been a while ago and now Jace was starting to feel the effects. His eyes felt a little heavy, his vision a little fuzzy around the edges and he was having trouble focusing properly. At some point he had loosened his tie, popping the top two buttons open as he got hotter. He was starting to get uncomfortable and agitated and that didn’t bode well for the rest of his night.

Across the room Simon smiled, his attention focused only on the person before him. It was a seelie now, a tall elegant looking redhead, that’s skin seemed to shimmer green in the light. She looked far too much like the previous seelie queen for his liking, dressed in lace with her cleavage on display and a flower crown sat atop her head. Jace didn’t like her, didn’t trust her around Simon who was just too gullible for his own good. The idiot saw the good in almost everyone and one day it was going to get him in trouble that Jace wouldn’t be around to get him out of. She laughed at whatever Simon had said, fluttering her long lashes at him and angling herself closer to him. Snarling Jace turned back round to lean on the bar, ordering another drink and downing half of it the instant he was given it.

“Maybe you should slow down before you pass out.” Jace turned his glare towards Luke, wobbling slightly as he did so. He was in a suit as well, just a simple black tux with a white shirt on underneath. Simon would call it a classic look, Jace called it effort. Luke glanced sideways at him, eyeing Jace with concern as he lifted his hand and signaling the bartender. “Can’t,” Jace grunted, taking another gulp of the amber liquid sloshing around in his glass. It had lost its burn about an hour ago, the drink going down far too easy. Luke raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, or at least Jace thought he did. It was getting a little harder to focus on the things right in front of him. “And why’s that?” Jace couldn’t help but look over his shoulder at Simon, the vampire definitely a lot closer to the seelie now then he had been. “I’ve gotta tell Simon he’s pretty and then grovel so he’ll agree to date me,” Jace blurted mindlessly, his words slurring slightly but he was to preoccupied with letting his eyes roam over Simon and the seelie to even notice.

Jace wanted to go over there and yank him away from the other women. Wanted to demand Simon’s attention like he had been craving for weeks now but Alec had said to wait for him to be alone so he would but Simon hadn’t been alone all evening and Jace was rapidly running out of patience, especially when he could just about recognize his own flirting techniques being directed towards the undeserving seelie. “Oh.” He was angry at Simon. Angry and hot, to hot. Simon was always so cold and Jace bet it would feel so good to press his cheek between his shoulder blades, to wrap his arms around him and press every inch of his front against Simon’s back. Would be even better if they were naked.

“Maybe you should slow down with the drinking if you want him to take you seriously.” Jace’s head jerked back round at Luke’s words, the action causing his stomach to churn and his head spin. Groaning he brought a hand up and pressed it against his temple as he tried to will the room to stop spinning and shoved down the urge to empty the contents of his stomach. When his vision cleared Jace found Luke looking down at him with concern, has hand lightly curled around Jace’s shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady. “I am serious,” he managed to get out without slurring, shrugging the other mans hand off of him and doing his best to glare at Luke even as he swayed slightly, gripping tightly at the bar to keep himself up. Luke held his hands up and leant back slightly as if to show Jace he meant no harm and something about that struck him as wrong. “Sorry, I’m a little tense,” Jace mumbled, shoulders slumping and head hanging down between his arms. What was wrong with him? He was trying to prove to Simon that he wasn’t an asshole, not make him think Jace was even more of one.

“It’s okay, I get it. Admitting your feelings can be stressful, especially if you’re putting a friendship on the line.” Jace scoffed at that, taking another large gulp of his rapidly disappearing drink. He had already screwed up their friendship so what else did he have to lose by admitting to Simon that he thought they should date? Honestly it wouldn’t have been that different to what they had been before just hopefully they would actually get to have sex instead of Jace pathetically fantasizing about it and feeling guilty about it afterwards. “What I was trying to say is that you know what Simon’s moms like. You stumbling over to him drunk and smelling like a dive bar isn’t going to make him believe whatever it is you’re planning on saying to him.” Luke looked pointedly down at him and Jace froze, his posture going stiff as the older mans words sank in.

Oh.

Oh no.

Simon hated it when Jace drank too much. He always got this sad, disappointed look on his face that left Jace feeling both annoyed and guilty. Simon would take one look at Jace and know that he was well past his usual limit, a limit that he had put in place to avoid disappointing Simon. He had told Jace all about his mom’s addiction, about the stints in rehab and how she got when she drank. Jace knew how much seeing her like that hurt him and here Jace was, casually about to throw the other mans concern for him back in his face. This was all wrong and Jace was just making things so much worse.

Groaning Jace place his drink down, deciding to stick to water from now on and planning to go find Magnus to make him as sober as he could as quickly as he could but as he turned his head to signal the bartender he caught a glimpse of what was going on behind him and froze. The seelie had moved in closer, her hand sliding up Simon’s chest. Her head was tilted to the side, her red curls falling almost artfully over her shoulders and she looked up at Simon through her long lashes, a coy smile on her pink lips. With an overwhelming sense of horror Jace watched as Simon placed his hand on her waist and pulled her closer, a confident smirk curling his lips up and his dark eyes becoming hooded as he leaned in towards her.

Jace saw red.

Snarling he knocked back the last of his drink, practically slamming the glass down before pushing away from the bar. He ignored Luke calling out his name, nor did he pay attention to anyone he stumbled into as he made his way hastily across the room, to focused on Simon and his need to stop whatever the hell it was that he thought he was about to do. He was done waiting, he needed to tell Simon now before he lost his chance all together and the vampire slipped off into the night with the seelie. All he had to do was show Simon that he was better, that he didn’t need to go with her because Jace was all he would ever need to keep him satisfied and if Simon wouldn’t listen then Jace would show him. He may be hopeless at the relationship side of things but this he was good at, excelled at it even and he knew that given the chance he could leave Simon a blissful, fucked out mess. Jace just had to get him away from the seelie first and then finally he would get Simon all to himself.

Bonus Track

Track Four: Shame on me baby.

Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)

Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)

Chapter Summary: Simon desperately wants to fix whatever has gone wrong between him and Jace but the shadowhunter seems determined to continue being an ass. That’s fine. If he wants Simon gone then he’s gone. He’s not going to stick around somewhere he clearly isn’t wanted.

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first

Jace was acting weird.

It had been a couple of weeks since the bar incident as Simon was calling it and though things had kind of gotten back to normal they were by no means perfect. Despite having still been angry and a little hurt by Jace’s actions the night before Simon had kept his promise and gone to the institute the next day, a mango smoothie in one hand and a club sandwich in the other. It had been meant as a peace offering, something to ease the tension he imagined would greet him at the institute but considering how rude the other man had been the night before Simon hadn’t been completely convinced that Jace wouldn’t just upend the drink over his head as soon as he handed it over.

Things had been a little uncomfortable to start with. Jace was clearly still angry with Simon and though he couldn’t quite understand why he had reacted so badly Simon had tried to rectify whatever had gone wrong between them the night before. He could only assume that Jace had been angry about Simon keeping things from him but he doubted he would ever find out exactly what had been the reason behind Jace being such an asshole because in true Jace fashion they had never actually spoken about it.

Alec had been there when Simon had turned up, he and Jace a whirling mass of limbs and swords and they spared. Simon had gotten to admire the view for all of two seconds before they had noticed he was there and everything had come to a sudden stop. He and Alec were by no means best friends but they were friendly enough and Simon had thought they had gotten past all the anger and animosity but clearly not because Alec had glared at Simon like he wanted to slowly drive a stake through his heart. Simon was man enough to admit that Alec terrified the hell out of him and he knew that whatever had happened between he and Jace needed to be fixed before Alec started cutting off body parts.

Jace had been the one to convince him to leave, Alec clearly reluctant to go but Jace had said his name in that way, all gentle and fond and the other shadowhunter had begrudgingly left them alone, glaring at Simon the whole time as he strode from the room. Once Alec was gone Jace still didn’t acknowledge him though, didn’t even look up at him and instead started tidying away the equipment they had been using. Simon had stood there awkwardly for all of two seconds, unsure what to do but he had never been one to handle the quiet well so he did what he always did and filled it with nerves rambling and pointless pop culture references.

Jace still hadn’t said anything as Simon rambled on, barreling headfirst into the subject and just spewing one apology after another. Simon was sorry, he hadn’t meant to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace or everyone else either but it had just kind of happened and Simon had been terrified that Jace knowing about his sleeping habits would mean he would have to explain why he was acting so out of character and he really didn’t want to have to tell Jace it was all his fault that Simon had ended up in this situation.

Simon had always been aware of how attractive Jace was, right from the very first moment he had laid eyes on the blonde bombshell. It had been part of the reason Simon had disliked him so much, well that and his massively inflated ego and cocky attitude. The point was that even when they had hated each other Simon had known that Jace was always the hottest guy in the room and that had been fine. Simon knew he could never compete with him in that aspect, had accepted that a long time ago but what he hadn’t been counting on was the more he got to know the blonde the more he would grow to actually like Jace.

Simon knew he was bi, had known since he was thirteen and gotten half hard drooling over a half naked Brad Pitt. Clary had known as well, of course she had, they had been best friends after all and told each other everything, well almost everything. Simon had never had the guts to tell her he wanted the love of her life to bend him over the nearest flat surface and make him scream in all the best ways. The point was that Simon hadn’t cared that he found Jace pretty or that he fantasised one to many times about the guy, even if he did feel slightly guilty about getting off to said fantasies afterwards. No what Simon cared about was the fact that it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Simon would have been able to handle that. Jace wasn’t the first straight guy that he had found attractive, it was bound to happen at some point and he would have been able to move on and get over it fairly quickly if it had just been physical but of course he hadn’t been that lucky.

Simon liked Jace. Like, like liked Jace and that was just catastrophic on an apocalyptical level. Mr ‘I’m secure in my sexuality’ Herondale had made it perfectly clear that he was as straight as a flag poll and even if he hadn’t been Simon knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance any way. Guys like him never went for the nerdy and awkward types like Simon, especially not the hot, leather clad angelic warrior kind that had the love of his life already at their side.

He had been jealous, he could admit that. Not just of Jace but Clary to. The two people he cared for the most in the world were happy together and though it left Simon feeling a little out cast he was still happy for them. They were in love and happy and really that was all Simon could ever ask for. So he had put his feelings in a box and buried them as deep as he could and tried to move on. First with Maia and then with Izzy. Neither of those relationships had gone to plan but they had ended amicably and their friendships were probably stronger now thanks to the intimacy they once shared. Simon had moved on, from his puppy love with Clary and his hero worship for Jace, or he thought he had at least but then everything had gone to hell and Simon’s life had started to fall apart once more.

He was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Jace was going through and he had seen it as his duty to help his best friend’s epic love make it through losing her. They had started to spend more time together, to much time if Simon was being honest because that almost forgotten and dust covered box began to crack and everything he had though he had moved on from came pouring back out. He hadn’t moved on at all, just buried it so deep that he had forgotten it was even there.

It was to much sometimes, how full on Jace could be but Simon had wanted to be there for him, wanted to be the friend Jace deserved so he had put Jace’s needs first and forced his own feelings down until they were nothing but a fleeting thought. In the end it had been worth it because now Simon could say without any sarcasm or denial from the other man that he and Jace were friends and close ones at that. If only Jace would have stopped flirting with Simon than he would have been able to stick to the plan and just stayed friends.

Simon wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Jace flirted with anything and everything with a pulse and even those without. He knew Jace didn’t mean anything by it, knew that he was just being himself but Simon wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and every time Jace turned that charming smile on him or winked or made some suggestive comment, Simon could have sworn his dead heart would flutter only to rapidly turn back to stone when he remembered it didn’t mean anything to the blonde. It was exhausting, wearing him down to the point he felt like he was going to snap and just yell at Jace to stop. It was too much and it hurt to have something he so desperately wanted constantly dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away with a melodic laugh and a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Some days he handled it better then others and some days he went home and questioned the choices he had made in his life to end up hopelessly in love with his straight friend who also happened to be his ex’s brother and his best friend’s soul mate. It was like a story line out of one of those trashy teen fantasy adventures and they only ever turned out good for the main characters and Simon definitely wasn’t that.

It was on a particularly bad day that Simon found himself seeking refuge at the Hunters Moon, trying not to down one plasma shot after another. Jace had been to much that day, getting into Simon’s personal space and constantly touching him whilst calling him babe and darling. Simon’s fragile heart hadn’t been able to take it so when Jace had headed off for patrol Simon had turned down the invite to join him and had made up some half formed lie about trying out for a band. He had made a quick escape before anyone could question it, running at full speed and only stopping once he was stood outside the bar.

He had been pleasantly buzzed, just on the right side of drunk when someone had slipped into the empty bar stool next to him and asked him if the brooding vampire act worked for him. He had been confused at first, not thinking she was talking to him because why would she? No one approached Simon and especially not insanely attractive brunettes with legs that went on for days and plush red lips that Simon wanted to sink his teeth into. She had been the complete opposite to Jace, all soft curves and gentle touches where Jace was hard muscles and undeniable strength. Simon had desperately wanted to forget, just for one night that he wasn’t right back where all this craziness had started and hopelessly in love with a friend but unlike with Clary Simon knew there wasn’t a chance that Jace would ever want him back. So Simon had welcomed her advances, a little awkwardly at first but after another drink he had loosened up and actually managed to not embarrass himself for once in his life.

Things had gotten a little hazy after that. There had been more drinking, a lot of flirting and casual touches. Simon remembered almost dropping his drink the first time she touched him, her long and delicate fingers gently stroking up the inside of his thigh. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome and as the night went on he became bolder in his own actions, his confidence growing as time went on.

He had taken her home with him, the two of them all laughter and stolen kisses as they stumbled through his apartment, stripping off the others clothes as they went. It hadn’t been gentle but it had been passionate. Simon had never slept with another vampire before and it had been an experience he wouldn’t forget any time soon. It had been nice not to hold back, to not have to worry about his speed or strength or even his fangs. He hadn’t had to worry about anything apart from making her feel good and Simon knew he was more than capable of doing that.

The next day when he had finally managed to drag himself out of bed the apartment had been a mess, looking like it had been ransacked almost. He had ignored it all, grabbing a couple of bottles of blood and head back to his bed and the women still in it. Though he was hung over he was more than ready to carry on where they had left off and that was exactly what they had done, wasting away the day in a tangle of limbs and sheets, the rest of the world simply falling away as he lost himself in the other vampire. It wasn’t till night had come back round and she had gone that Simon even realized he hadn’t thought of Jace once the whole day.

It had left him stunned, shocked that he hadn’t even noticed the other mans absence, frozen in the living room and clutching a cushion like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the here and now. He had forgotten Jace, hadn’t even spared the blonde a thought, not even to wish it was him in his bed and not the vampire. For one glorious night and day Simon hadn’t been focused on a man he couldn’t have. He felt guilty, especially when he dug his phone out of his jeans and had seen all the miss calls and texts from Jace as well as a few from Izzy to. He had text him back straight away apologizing for being MIA and promising to meet Jace in an hour for his patrol. The only reply he had gotten was a demand for coffee and a cinnamon roll, something Simon was more than capable of providing.

Simon didn’t know why but when Jace had asked him about his absence all day he hadn’t been able to tell him why. It was like the words had got stuck in his throat, refusing to move past his lips. He felt guilty, a little ashamed over what he had done because as much as he had enjoyed the vampires company he had used her as a distraction, a way to cover up and redirect his feelings for Jace. How could he tell Jace that he had spent the day between someone else’s legs to forget about him? So he hadn’t, had carried on with his lie about joining a band and when Jace had pushed for information Simon had brushed him off and changed the subject, rambling a mile a minuet about the new Marvel movie he wanted to see.

He hadn’t meant for it to become a thing but once could be classed as a mistake, a second time a case of bad judgment but a third, a fourth? That was when it became a habit. Every time it became to much, when Simon felt like he was just seconds away from cracking and pinning Jace down and telling him everything he had kept bottled up for so long, Simon would go out looking for a distraction and he found one every time.

He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism but it had worked well enough for Jace before, well everything and it wasn’t like Simon was hurting anyone other than himself. He could ask Jace to stop with the flirting and casual touches and Simon knew that was probably what he should have done but he didn’t want Jace to feel like he couldn’t be himself around Simon, that he didn’t like the person Jace was because that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. So he kept his mouth shut and endured the teasing, the flirting, the way Jace would touch him so casually and completely unaware that it left Simon feeling like his skin was burning. Simon just gritted his teeth and plaster on a wide smile acting like it was nothing, normal even and somewhere along the line it had become normal for them to flirt and joke about being a old married couple.

The worst thing was that it help Simon’s confidence, the more Jace pretended to hit on him the better Simon became at flirting and picking people up. He was getting a bit of a reputation in the down world and Maia thought it was hilarious how he and Jace had seemed to of switched roles. That wasn’t lost on Simon. He was now the one with a phone full of casual flings and a name to hide it all behind and Jace was the one who seemed incapable of picking anyone up if the way he had crashed and burned the other week was any indication.

It worked for Simon though, surprisingly well actually and as the weeks turned to months and his confidence grew Simon found himself able to get through the day without worrying about Jace and how easy he could screw up the friendship he valued over everything else. He flirted back now, liked how Jace just beamed at him when he did like it was some fantastical inside joke that the two of them shared. Simon channeled everything he felt for Jace into his one night stands and casual flings and his life seemed to balance out, Simon finally able to be the friend that Jace deserved.

Simon hadn’t told Jace any of that though. He was already angry enough with Simon as it was and he didn’t want Jace punching him in the face and telling him to get lost and never find his way back. Instead he had apologized for the secrecy and the lies. He was sorry he had kept it a secret but he hadn’t meant to, it had just kind of happened and any way he hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal considering Jace’s own lifestyle before Clary had shown up. He promised not to lie in the future and swore that he hadn’t meant to hurt Jace by making him feel like Simon didn’t trust him or worse yet didn’t care about him.

Jace had sat there the whole time, silently sipping at his drink and eating his sandwich, not giving Simon any indication that he was even listening to him as he paced up and down the training room. It was only when he finally stopped rambling that Jace spoke, offering up a simple ‘okay’. Simon hadn’t really understood, parroting the word back at the blonde in confusion. Jace had just rolled his eyes, insisting it was fine, Jace wasn’t his keeper and if Simon wanted to screw around with half the down world then that was his prerogative. Jace didn’t care were he stuck his dick as long as it didn’t interfere with there work.

That had hurt a little, not as much as the night before but still left Simon feeling ashamed of himself. He had taken Jace’s forgiveness though, grasped it with both hands like the pathetic and desperate mess he was, still is. He was just glad that Jace wasn’t mad at him anymore. He hadn’t pushed for more time when Jace had gone off to find Alec, Jace patting him on the shoulder as he walked passed and reminding Simon about their scheduled trading the next day.

It had been a relief but something about it had all seemed a little off. Jace had been quiet, more subdued and a little somber. It had worried Simon that Jace hadn’t actually forgiven anything and had only said he had to avoid any problems between the two of them. But he put his faith in Jace, trusting that after everything they had been through that Jace wouldn’t lie to him like that but as the weeks passed Simon was starting to think that he had damaged their relationship beyond repair and he couldn’t understand how.

Things were a little weird between them now and Simon couldn’t pin point the exact reason why. He would have thought it was because Jace had seen Simon making out with a guy but he knew that was absurd because Jace had no problem with Alec or Magnus so why would he have a problem with Simon about it. Jace didn’t flirt as much now, didn’t touch Simon as much either and Simon knew that he should be thankful for that but it left him feeling weird, almost on edge, like he was touch starved and desperately awaiting the next moment he could feel Jace’s hands on him. He hadn’t realise how much Jace touched him until it all seemed to stop and now Simon was left feeling disappointed and sad every time that touch never came. It was like he was being punished and Simon was close to a full blown breakdown. In fact he might even start crying if Jace goes to touch him only to change his mind at the last second.

Maybe it was because Jace had found out that Simon was bi. Maybe he was worried that their casual flirting would give Simon ideas that Jace wanted nothing to do with. Simon wasn’t stupid though and he knew that it didn’t mean anything to Jace, not like it did for him and Simon would never act on any of his feelings, ever. He wanted Jace in his life and he was well aware he would only get that if they were friends and Simon had come to terms with that, except he wasn’t so sure they were friends any more.

They hadn’t been spending as much time together outside of training and patrols, Jace always saying he didn’t want to ruin any plans Simon might have. He would wink at Simon, make some comment about his sex life that always left Simon feeling ashamed and dirty and like Jace was judging him for how he spent his nights. He was sure he was being punished, kept at arms length and it hurt. He felt like they were going backwards, the friendship that Simon valued so much slowly unravelling with every refused offer to hang out or aborted touch. It hurt to lose that closeness and Simon didn’t know what to do to fix it outside of getting into another relationship with a women just so Jace wouldn’t worry about Simon’s interest in him. Well that or becoming a priest but that would be difficult considering he still couldn’t say g-ah.

“I hate it when you do that.” Izzy’s voice yanked Simon out of his head and away from his spiraling thought, his head snapping up from where he had been starting unseeingly down at the table. “Huh?” She sighed, rolling her eyes as she put down the tablet she had been holding and looked pointedly at him. “Stop breathing and go all still. You look like a depressed statue.” Simon’s jerks up straight, forcing himself to take unneeded breaths once more. He hadn’t even noticed, had been so consumed with everything going on in his head that he didn’t realise he had just checked out of what was going on around him.

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking off to the side. The ops center was busy, shadowhunters milling around and going about their daily tasks like a vampire wasn’t stood amongst them. He supposed they were used to him but now considering how much time he spent in the institute. Izzy had joked about him moving in once, making some teasing comment about how he and Jace were practically dating anyway so they should just move in together and make it official. Simon had almost choked on his blood but Jace had laughed and slung his arm around Simon’s shoulder, casually commenting on the fact he didn’t have enough space in his room for all Simon’s nerd stuff so he should just move into Simon’s apartment instead.

It was things like that that left Simon scrambling, unsure what to do with his feelings. He had played along, joking about not having nearly enough room in his bathroom cupboards for all of Jace’s hair products whilst internally he had been struggling not to imagine how his home would look if Jace was to share it with him. He hated how much he wanted that. Wanted to come home to the gentle sound of piano music and blades stored amongst the umbrellas and the fridge full of food alongside his bottles of blood. It was a pointless fantasy and whenever someone brought things like that up it always left Simon feeling alone, his apartment to big just for him.

“So you want to tell me?” Izzy asked, not even looking at Simon as she began to pull up reports. Simon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the edge of the table. “Tell you what?” he said casually, planning on feigning ignorance for as long as he could. This was one secret he would keep and he wouldn’t let Isabelle bully it out of him. She glanced up from her tablet, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Why all the depressed statue nonsense.” Simon pursed his lips, giving Izzy his best unimpressed look. He wasn’t a depressed statute, he was a melancholy vampire. There was a difference. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Simon mumbled, lifting his head up and looking off to the side.

Izzy huffed in amusement, her attention going back to her work even though a wide smile stretched across her plump red lips. She looked good, always did and though Simon loved where they were now he did regret that they hadn’t worked out. He could see himself really loving Izzy, the two of them maybe even getting married and adopting little shadowhunter’s but it wasn’t fair to her, to ask for that sort of commitment when he was in love with her brother and sure, maybe if he had stuck it out and worked at it he would have fallen out of love with Jace eventually but he didn’t want to get five years down the line and the two of them thinking about all the kind of things that came with a long term relationship and still be pining after Jace. It wasn’t fair and he wouldn’t do that to her, Simon cared too much about her to do that to her.

“Sure and it’s nothing to do with the little lovers quarrel you and Jace are having?” Simon narrowed his eyes at her, not at all impressed with the knowing look or satisfied smirk she was giving him. “We’re not lovers,” he grumbled. They weren’t lovers and at this rate Simon didn’t think he would be able to call them friends for much longer. “But you are fighting?” Crap. He had walked straight into that one, focusing on the one thing she knew annoyed him. Sighing he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. “We’re not fight we’re…I don’t know it’s….complicated.” He cringed as he stumbled over his words, not really knowing how to even begin describing what was happening between him and Jace because Simon simply didn’t know. They definitely weren’t fighting but something was going on between them and it wasn’t good.

Izzy looked up, frown in place and a demand for more information already on the tip of her tongue. Simon can’t do it, can’t stand here and talk about his big gay crush on his ex’s brother or the fact that he was coping with that attraction by sleeping with anyone who showed interest. Maia was right, he is a slut. “Look its fine, we’re fine,” he rushed out, waving off whatever she had been about to ask and taking a step backwards without looking. “It’s not important and stupid. We’ll be right as rain in no time,” Simon rambled, still not paying attention as he walked backwards and tried to get as far away from the current conversation as he could without being rude.

He was so caught up with what he was saying that Simon didn’t notice the shadowhunter behind him until his shoulder slammed into them and he stumbled backwards. Strong hands gripped his arm and waist, stopping him from falling flat on his ass. With wide eyes he looked up at the man scowling down at him, his blue eyes filled with annoyance. “Watch where you’re going,” he growled and Simon quickly righted himself, giving the guy a sheepish look as he huffed and continued on his way. G-ah he couldn’t do anything right could he? Not even something as simple was walking.

“Careful, we wouldn’t want any more accidents.” Simon spun back round at the teasing words, Izzy smiling widely up at him. Panic set in, Simon feeling a cold dread seep into his very soul but it was replaced quickly by a wave of anger. “He told you?” Simon hissed. She knew, she had to know to have said that and looking at Simon all knowingly and sly. He didn’t know why but Simon had thought Jace had kept it to himself but why would he? Simon should have known that he would tell at least Isabelle, Alec and by extension Magnus. His whole core friend group probably knew by now what Simon had been doing when he had been pretending to be off at band practice. He felt judged and he didn’t like it, especially coming from the likes of Izzy and Jace, two people who had still probably slept with more people than Simon had.

“No,” Izzy spoke cautiously, eyeing Simon like she was worried that he was about go hunt down Jace and start yelling at him. Honestly it was tempting. Simon got he was angry about the lying and weirded out by the whole bi thing but what right did he have to make any kind of judgment on how Simon spent his free time or with who he sought the company of? Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and Jace shouldn’t be making him feel so shitty about his chosen life style when he had been just as bad once, if not worse. Simon wanted to go find Jace in whatever room he had hidden himself away in and demand an explanation, to call him out on all the utter bullshit of the last few weeks and finally find out what his problem truly was instead of tip toeing around the issue because he was afraid of damaging their already strained relationship beyond repair. Simon loved Jace, he did but just because he loved the man didn’t mean he would stand there and let him treat him like that.

“Maia did.” Izzy’s tentative words cut through Simon’s tangent, his anger at Jace easing ever so slightly. Simon groaned, the tension leaving his shoulders as his head fell forward into his hands. Of course Maia would have told Izzy, those two got on surprisingly well and loved nothing more than to triad embarrassing stories about Simon. He knew he was just lashing out at Jace because he was hurt by the other mans treatment of him but that didn’t change anything. Jace was being kind of shitty to Simon at the moment and Simon could live with that if he only knew the reason why.

Of all the stupid and idiotic things he could halve said though, calling it an accident had probably been up there with trying to hiding it all in the first place but it had been an accident. Simon hadn’t meant to pick up both of them, had only intended to score a date with Alva but when he had turned up and she had been sat waiting with Alvin he hadn’t had the heart to turn the man away. And anyway Alvin was insanely attractive, they both were and Simon would be lying if he said that a threesome wasn’t a fantasy of his, he had just always imagined it with Clary and some other unspecified person. There had been a few months where Simon had imagined a tumble or two with Clary and Jace but he had quickly shut that thought down, not wanting to get too fixated on the blonde.

A lot of good that had done him.

Izzy laughed, clearly enjoying Simon’s embarrassment. “Shut up,” he mumbled even as he smiled softly at her. He was still a little annoyed at Maia but he had never actively set out to hide, it had just happened that way and he was surprised it had taken this long for him to be found out. “It was kind of idiotic, even for you,” Isabelle smiled at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she teased him. Simon laughed gently, stepping back up to the table and leaning against it again. “Yeah well, I never said I was smart.” He was an idiot when it came to all things Jace and when faced with the blonde’s anger Simon had faltered, losing whatever confidence he had had when it had just been him and the two seelie’s.

They lapsed into silence, Izzy tapping away and Simon just stood there watching. He made a conscious effort this time to move every now and then and made sure that he kept up the charade of breathing. The silence didn’t last long though, Izzy speaking before he got too bogged down in his thoughts. “Is that why you and Jace are fighting.” Simon sighed. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave it alone. He could brush it off, should just leave but Simon was tired and he wanted to talk to someone about it because it was exhausting dealing with the emotional whiplash. He just wanted things back to normal and without asking Magnus to rewind time Simon was at a loss as what to do.

“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on with Jace right now. He’s been off with me since he found out about the whole-” Simon gestured at himself, “band practice thing.” Simon sighed, his posture slumping as he braced his hands on the desk and let his head fall forward to hang between his arms. Why was his life always so complicated? Just for once he wanted to just cost through life without any problems or ridiculous complications. He just wanted to exist, happy and carefree for just one day. That wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

“Simon,” Izzy sighed, her delicate looking hand appearing in his field of vision as she placed it over one of his. Simon lifted his head slightly, looking up at her through his lashes. She was giving him a sad smile, her head tipped to the side slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulder in dark and silky waves. “Can you really not think of a reason why he would be acting like he is?” she urged softly and Simon frowned. He thought it was because Jace was annoyed by Simon’s secrecy and that he was uncomfortable with finding out that Simon was into guys but from the look Izzy was giving him he thought that maybe it was something else but Simon just couldn’t see what else she would be implying.

Before he could tell he that though his phone started to ring, the opening bars of the Star Wars theme loud and jarring in the mostly muffled murmur of the room. Snatching his hand away Simon fumbled for his phone, fishing it out of his back pocket and flipping it over to see who it was. Though he knew it wouldn’t be Jace, the blonde having his own ringtone of the Captain America theme, there had still been a spark of hope that it would have been the blonde. As the name Tyler flashed across the screen though Simon felt nothing but disappointment. He supposed it was a blonde, just the wrong one.

Simon had met Tyler a couple of months ago at the Jade Palace and well, Simon had been gone the second he had walked in the door. He was tall, with long dirty blonde hair and eyes grey like a storm was rolling in. He clearly worked out, his obvious muscles rippling as he moved and Simon hadn’t been able to look away, transfixed by the animal like grace he possessed. Simon should have ran in the opposite direction, should have known that it would make things worse for him in the long run but he had spent the whole day with Jace, the other man flirting like he was actively trying to get Simon into bed as they spared and Simon had been desperate for something to help him get rid of the tension running through his body and the hunger singing in his veins.

It was easy to see the similarities between Jace and Tyler, wasn’t lost on Simon why the werewolf had caught his attention in the first place. The guy was cocky and arrogant though and unlike with Jace where it was earned and kind of endearing it just made the werewolf come across as a complete and utter asshole. He was mean as well, spiteful even, not really caring about his cruel words or too tight grip. Simon had known it was a terrible decision to get involved with him yet he kept going back like the stupid and pathetic mess that he was. He was the only person Simon was seeing on a semi regular basis that he didn’t actually like. The sex was always good but Simon always felt like shit afterwards and no matter how long he spent in the shower he could never get the feeling of being dirty to go away.

“Are you going to answer that?” Simon darted his eyes up to Izzy. “Erm no,” he answered quickly, declining the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket. She raised an eyebrow at him and Simon shrugged, pointedly not looking her in the eye. “You know I don’t mind if it was someone trying to set up a date?” She smiled reassuringly at him and Simon felt something inside him crack a little. “No, I did not know that,” he said honestly, admitting to his fear that she would think less of him for his actions. “It’s just sex Simon and as long as you’re being safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult no one has any right to judge you for it, least of all us.”

Simon wanted to laugh at that, wanted to ask if she could go tell Jace that because he was definitely judging Simon for his sex life. “No. Yeah. Sure. Everything’s safe, sane and consenting. Well mostly sane, sometimes we might be a little drunk,” Simon rambled, the words rushing out of him in a bid to reassure Izzy that he wasn’t a complete screw up. She was smiling fondly at him, the same look she always gave him when he was being like this. It was nice, reassuring to know that nothing had changed between them. He didn’t realise how much he had need someone to let him know everything was okay until Izzy had. His happiness was quickly swallowed up by hurt and anger though as Simon’s mind went back to Jace. Why was it so easy for Izzy to accept it, to accept him and to act like nothing had changed when Jace couldn’t even look him in the eye now?

As if he had been summoned just by the thought of him Jace came bounding down the stairs, smirking as he made his way towards them. “Who’s drunk and why wasn’t I invited?” He barely even glanced at Simon as he walked round the table coming to a stop next to Izzy and placing his own tablet down. “No one,” Simon rushed out before Izzy could say anything, shooting her a glare as she laughed. Jace looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow at Simon as if he expected an explanation but considering how Jace had been lately Simon really didn’t want to bring his sex life into any conversation that Jace was involved in.

“Not in the talking mood today? That’s new,” Jace said teasingly and Simon turned his glare towards him, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Jace snorted in laughter, a genuine smile spreading across his lips and Simon instantly felt his glare soften. The last few weeks those smiles had been rare and seeing it now left Simon feeling warm, like the first time he had been able to stand in the sunlight after he became a vampire. The feeling didn’t last long.

“Simon’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to arrange band practice in front of us,” Izzy teased, smiling widely across the table at Simon as she nocked her shoulder into Jace’s. The smile fell from Jace’s lips instantly, hurt and disappointment flickering behind Jace’s eyes. “Izzy,” Simon hissed angrily at her even as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Jace, watching as he just kind of shut down. Jace laughed but it was hollow, his smile obviously fake to Simon who had spent years watching the other man. “What’s the matter Lewis, afraid we’ll find out who your band mates are?” His voice was light and teasing as he spoke and to anyone else it probably would have seemed like the three of them were sharing a joke but Simon caught the slight bite to his name, the minuscule twitch of his lips into a frown at the end. Jace only ever called him Lewis when he was angry with him. Well that or mundie but that one always seemed to hurt more, like he couldn’t even acknowledge everything that had happened since he and Simon had first met.

“No, I thought we could hang out. Maybe go see a movie and get dinner. My treat,” Simon said quietly, his voice surprisingly flat and lacking any real emotion behind it. That had been why Simon had come to the institute, hoping to spend time with Jace and try and fix things but he had known the moment he had walked into the ops center and Jace had walked out that he wasn’t going to get the chance. Nothing had changed since then, in fact his chances of getting any time with Jace had probably gone down. “Nah, wouldn’t want you missing out on quality band time.” Jace didn’t even look up from the tablet he was fiddling with, his eyes tracking across the screen as he clicked on one thing than another.

“I don’t care about ‘band time’,” Simon spat out, making air quotes for it’s his fingers around the last two words, not that Jace was looking at him to see. Anger swirled in his stomach, his hands gripping at the edge of the table and eyes firmly fixed in the blonde. He wanted Jace to look at him. For once Simon wanted Jace to actually look at him and see what he was doing to him. Jace’s shoulders tensed, his hand stilling for a second before he continued with his work, his eyes never straying from the screen and sounding almost bored when he spoke. “It’s fine, go have fun with your groupies, we don’t need you here.” Simon felt his words like a slap to the face.

Jace had said a lot of crappy things to him since they had first met but somehow hearing him say he didn’t need him broke Simon’s cold dead heart in two. It felt like he was being told to get out and not come back, that Jace was trying to force him out of his life without actually having to say it. Simon knew he didn’t mean it like that, well he hoped he didn’t but the casual dismissal of Simon had his gut twisting, the thought of Jace not wanting him in any capacity making him feel sick.

“Look at me,” Simon demanded. If Jace wanted him gone then he could at least do Simon the favor of looking him in the eye when he told him. Jace’s heart rate picked up, his jaw clenched and eye twitching. Still he didn’t look up though, his eyes staying firmly fixed on the tablet in his hands. Simon wanted to yank it away from him, throw it across the room and listen to the satisfy noise as it shattered against the floor. “Look. At. Me,” he growled out, his anger swelling with every second that Jace ignored him. It was a simple request, all he wanted was to see the look in Jace’s eyes as he ripped Simon’s heart out. Maybe then he would be able to move on with his life and stop chasing someone who clearly didn’t want him.

Sighing Jace’s shoulders slumped slightly and finally he lifted his gaze up. “What?” he snapped in annoyance, glaring at Simon and if his heart was still beating Simon was sure it would have stopped. His eyes were dark and stormy, looking at Simon like he was nothing, an inconvenience. He looked so angry, glaring at Simon like he was the cause of all Jace’s problems and maybe he was. Faced with such hate Simon felt all the fight drain out of him.

What was he doing? Clearly Jace was done with him, probably was only being nice to avoid issues with Izzy and the work Simon did with Alec and the downworld council. He was making things worse like always. Jace was trying to make a clean break and here he was refusing to play along. Whatever had shifted for Jace that night clearly was bad enough that he didn’t want to salvage their friendship and Simon should respect that. Jace didn’t want or need him and the sooner he realized that the better it would be for both of them.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Simon said softly, his eyes dropping in an attempt to escape Jace’s cold and angry eyes. He didn’t wait for an answer, didn’t want to hear Jace’s snarky and biting retort. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, keeping his head down and turned, walked away from them and the last shred of hope he had held onto of salvaging his and Jace’s relationship. “Simon!” He ignored Izzy’s loud cry of his name, speeding up as he strode from the room. He was desperate to get away before the tears began to fall and he made more of a fool of himself. He didn’t want Jace to see how much he had hurt him either, didn’t want Jace to see just how much Simon cared about what he though of him.

Simon couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, couldn’t understand why Jace was acting the way he was. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and the fact he was treating Simon like he had was just unfair. Izzy was right, no one had the right to judge him for having an active sex life and especially not Jace bloody Herondale. Sure Simon had kept it a secret but Jace hadn’t gone around broadcasting his sexcapades to everyone either and sure that might have been because he didn’t want Clary to know how big a man whore he was but that just drew even more similarities between what Jace had done and what Simon was doing now.

To hell with Jace. If he wanted to throw away their friendship then so be it. Simon was done being the one to always apologize. If Jace wanted fix things between them than he knew where Simon was and until then he planned on staying as far away from Jace as he could. He clearly didn’t want Simon in his life and he could at least grant the asshole that.

As he shoved through the institute doors Simon yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with electricity, the need to do something to get rid of all his pent up anger and aggression almost driving him mad. He needed to fight or fuck and lucky enough for him he had a whole phone of people willing to help him with the latter and one in particular who would be down for a mix of the two.

He clicked on Tyler’s contact, the phone ringing twice before the other man picked up. “Knew you couldn’t stay away,” he growled, a confident lilt to his voice that had Simon cringing. “My afternoon just opened up,” Simon said in answer, choosing to ignore his previous comment. “Lucky you.” Yeah lucky, that’s totally how Simon would describe his current situation. “Sure, be at my place in an hour or don’t bother coming at all.” Simon hung up before Tyler could spew any more crap and before he could change his mind. It was a bad decision but Simon was just full of those at the moment so why not add one more to the ever frowning list. It wasn’t like anyone cared what he did, not the ones that mattered anyway.