#ex christian

I wish we could just say goodbye…

I’ve probably posted about this before but today Lady in Red came on

And I remember my dad picking me up as a child and slow dancing with me to that song. It’s one of my earliest memories. And I thought if I ever get married, we’d dance it again. It’s literally the main song I associate him with.

My dad never called me a princess or anything like that but he played this song and told me.

And he doesn’t remember that. Beyond all the obvious ‘I’m shunned and shit’ stuff, he doesn’t even remember twirling me around the living room to scratchy vinyl records. He doesn’t remember standing me on his feet to dance a waltz. He doesn’t remember it.

How the fuck do you forget that??

OK so I just had a weird moment of like revelation. Coz I know JWs are a cult. I know that. But I was watching a show about Jonestown and Jim Jones and like, a lot of it (around the middle when they’re established but before the shit hit) sounded eerily similar to JWs… like the way he spoke and the way they dealt with the rest of the world etc.

And I wasn’t expecting it because I know they’re cults and its all there in my brain but I wasn’t expecting just how much he sounded like that or how much the work ethic was like jws

It’s very uncomfortable…

I am better than god and he should beg me to forgive him on his knees <3