Éric Rohmer. Une étudiante d’aujourd’hui. France, 1966. 

got triggered earlier and holy shit i really could use talking to him right now

HE WORE SHORT SLEEVES TODAY AND HIS BICEPS ARE BIGGER THAN MY THIGHS

whenever he mentions anything about the lgbt+ community it makes me so happy, like yes king be an ally!! i shall cherish you doing the bare minimum!!

asked him, “where the hell were you yesterday??” he said, “i’ve been out for a while, i’m sick,” and immediately i went from pretending to be mad to being a concerned mother like, “aww are you feeling better? do you need anything?”

literally got all dolled up in this really nice sundress and guess what!! he was out today!! day ruined.

at first i was like, “i want to peg him” as a joke, but bro…. i don’t think it’s a joke anymore

guess it’s a night of listening to “illicit affairs” on repeat and crying into my pillow

still thinking about how he joked about wanting to slap me and i can’t tell if it’s because i’m touch-starved or masochistic

FINALLY GOT THAT PHYSICAL CONTACT BABES !!!

march tc challenge

made by @tryoutstc!! go show her blog some love!!

2. are they “your type”, or was falling for a person like them completely unexpected?

a bit of both. physically, he’s not really my type: buff, facial hair, just a hairy dude in general. but his personality is absolutely my type: super smart, teasing, opinionated, kind of a prick but also the biggest softie deep down.

3. if they were an ice cream flavor, what would it be?

mint chocolate chip for sure

4. imagine you have a whole weekend to spend with your tc. what would you guys do?

considering we’re both pretty busy people, i feel like having a “staycation” where we both cuddle on the couch and watch movies would be perfect. if we wanted to go out, maybe going to the museum or getting lunch?? but i honestly wouldn’t mind anything as long as it was with him lol

5. what’s their biggest talent?

teaching?? it’s a corny answer but it was like he was made to be a teacher.

6. be honest: would you guys be a power couple or not?

we would absolutely be a power couple. imagine: a fine older man well-established in two different fields with a pretty younger girl who graduated at the top of her class on his arm, both with their own domineering personalities. that’s some soap opera shit.

7. if they knew about your feelings, would they confront you about it or ignore it?

he kind of ignored it? he didn’t talk about it until i apologized and he said it concerned him but he never was like “this is inappropriate and i don’t feel comfortable talking to you.” granted, lying over and over saying that my feelings were in the past probably helped.

9. if you could choose an outfit that your tc had to wear every single day, what would it look like?

this specific blue hoodie that he has and sweatpants. i like seeing him comfy and that shade of blue looks so good on him,,,

10. are they more academic, artistic, or athletic? what about you?

he’s a mix of academic and athletic, and i’m a mix of academic and artistic. both of us lean very heavy on the academic side, though.

12. are they an early riser or a night owl?

a disgustingly early riser

13. have you ever made each other angry or upset? if so, how did you reconcile?

oh we’ve pissed each other off so many times lmao. when i piss him off, i apologize; when he pisses me off, i either just keep it in and smile and nod, but sometimes i get combative and it just turns into an small argument (not my proudest moments). he’s never once apologized to me lmao.

14. do you ever find yourself imitating them, either consciously or unconsciously?

absolutely. he has these specific phrases that i’ve started using unconsciously.

15. what do you think their love language is? what’s yours?

i honestly have no idea what his love language is: i’ve done everything except physical touch (hard boundary to cross) and acts of service (he won’t let me do things for him). he seems to appreciate everything too: gifts, words of affirmation, quality time. i would assume words of affirmation is his top, just because he has a bit of a stronger reaction to that. mine is a tie between words of affirmation and physical touch.

16. have they taught you anything that isn’t school related? valuable life lessons, insights on how you feel about yourself, etc?

this is cheesy as hell but he’s taught me to be more confident and assertive, and that i set unrealistic expectations for myself. he’s also indirectly taught me that i have a high tolerance for bullshit lol.

17. what would they have to do to make you lose feelings for them?

idek. like his mugshot could be on the news tomorrow with the headline “man arrested for massacring bus full of orphans” and my first thought would be “……maybe the kids deserved it??” obviously that’s an extreme example but he’d have to do something pretty bad for me to lose feelings: if what he was accused of last fall had been true, that probably would’ve done it

19. who’s more likely to start rambling about their interests while the other listens?

i ramble constantly, and he listens.

20. do you feel guilty about having feelings for your tc?

yes 100%. he is an amazing man but you know who else seems amazing??? his wife!! he is a grown ass man (hopefully) in love with someone who loves him, and here i am wanting what i shouldn’t, especially when he’s just trying to do his job. it makes me feel awful.

21. are you insecure about them liking another student more than you?

kind of?? he has students that he sees every day and so i do sometimes get jealous of the idea that he’ll get close to another kid like he is with me, but at the same time, we’ve already discussed keeping in contact after graduation and i don’t think he’s really done that for anyone else.

22. what kind of hairstyle would you love to see them in?

the same short cut he’s been rocking for the past 40 years. it suits him so well.

23. do you think they trust you?

i assume so? we’ve never had that aladdin “do you trust me?” moment but considering everything, i’d like to think so.

24. what’s the most comedic moment that’s occurred between you two?

probably freshman year, when i had called him a nerd for months and then he caught me with a quantum theory book and then suddenly i was the nerd.

25. have you ever drawn them or written about them to vent your feelings?

i don’t draw anymore but i guess this whole blog has been me writing about him to vent my feelings lol

26. how do you feel when you’re around them? are you so nervous that you can’t concentrate, or do you just feel happy that you get to spend time with them?

depending on why i’m talking to him, sometimes i’m nervous, but most of the time he puts me so at ease that i’m just happy to be around him.

27. do you guys have any inside jokes?

quite a few, and a lot of them turn into nicknames, which i think is adorable

28. do their morals, principles, or political views align with yours?

not really. i think our basic morals and principles line up– the less controversial stuff. politically, while we do overlap on a bit, i’m way more liberal than he is. he hates anything that isn’t capitalism but at least he’s an ally to the lgbtq+ community ‍♀️

29. have you ever tried to get over them?

every summer and surprise!! it never works!

30. if someone nice your age showed up in your life and you caught feelings for them, would you move on from your tc?

if i caught feelings for them, probably. but i can’t be attracted to more than one person at a time in any capacity, so i’d have to already be over n to have feelings for someone else.

31. have you ever said or done something that, in hindsight, might have been hurtful to them? have they ever done the same to you?

yes to both, and luckily we’re able to talk it out and (i) apologize.

whenever i have a bad day, i think of the one time he told me “you’re not weak” and it always makes me feel a little better

missing the days he talked about how he wanted to keep in touch after graduation and for me to meet his wife ngl

today was the first day in almost 3 years that i’ve gone to an event and not thought, even for a split second, “i wish he was here with me”

me: i’m going to talk to him as little as possible. he’s a piece of shit and i don’t want him in my life anymore

also me: but imagine the arguments that would lead to tension that would lead to super hot hate sex in his office

nightowl-luna:

one of my teachers pulled me aside after class and said “i find your attachment to n bothersome. he has a bad reputation for really volatile relationships and i’m worried he’ll drag you down with him.”

i still don’t know how to react.

i’m debating on whether i should bring it up to him or if i should just keep my distance. this is bothering me so much. part of me needs to know what she was talking about and won’t let me stop thinking about it until i get that answer. but on the other hand, i don’t know if i should just heed her warning and back away from him.

he has his moments of being an asshole, absolutely, but to the point of volatile relationships i could get sucked into? that’s more than just a tad concerning, especially considering that he’s primarily been a sweetheart to me. i’m just so confused on what to believe.

one of my teachers pulled me aside after class and said “i find your attachment to n bothersome. he has a bad reputation for really volatile relationships and i’m worried he’ll drag you down with him.”

i still don’t know how to react.

me: yeah he’s an arrogant ass but i love him anyway :)

mfw he’s an arrogant ass:

it always surprises me when we’ll have a normal conversation and he’ll say something so out of pocket and conservative that it reminds me how wide our age gap really is

one of my teachers was on the phone with him and i learned my jealousy problem is worse than i thought

april tc challenge

shout out to @morethanwords0475 for making this bomb questionnaire!

day 2: what is the earliest thing you can remember about your tc?

my earliest memory is when i was in 8th grade and went to this meeting for receiving the materials for my incoming freshman classes. he was there for the science class and i remember thinking “this dude is too fine to be a teacher” and “wtf kind of a last name is [n’s last name]?” lmao. guess i’ve really been thristing since day one

day 3: do you like your tc’s subject? do you consider yourself to be good at it?

he made me like science i would consider myself pretty decent at what he teaches, but it doesn’t come as natural as my humanities classes or soft science

day 4: how do you feel about your age gap?

idk it’s weird. part of me is completely unbothered by it or thinks it’s hot but another side of me is like “he’s 30+ years older than you. he was with his first wife when you were born. he’ll be in his 50s when you’re 20. wtf is wrong with you.”

day 5: have you ever said anything to your tc that showed you favoured them? have they said anything like that to you?

i’ve told him countless times that he’s my favorite teacher. he’s never outright said i’m his favorite but i think his behavior definitely shows it lol

day 6: have you ever noticed any small habits that they have? if so, what comes to mind first?

tbh just the same behaviors i mentioned in the 2nd love letter: how he switches languages, how he swings his legs when he sits- stuff like that

day 7: what gift would you really like to be able to give them, regardless of if it’s realistic or not?

i’m gonna think big and go very unrealistic here: his and his family’s tuition. pretty much his entire family is in college right now and i’d love to take the financial stress away from him.

day 9: does your tc have a significant other? if so, what do you know about them and how do you feel about them?

he has a wife. he doesn’t talk too much about her but she seems brilliant. part of me is grateful he has someone to come home to that seems like a solid match and (hopefully) loves him, but it’d be a lie if i said i didn’t get jealous from time to time.

day 10: what is the longest time you have gone without seeing them?

5 months for quarantine. i went absolutely bonkers

day 11: what do other people usually think about them?

he is one of the more,,, unpopular teachers. i’ve only known two other students who have said a positive thing about him, compared to the dozens who openly talk shit.

day 12: do you often make up excuses to speak to them? what kinds of excuses do you like to use?

100%. normally i just bring up interesting articles, talk about classes, or if he mentions something going on in his life, i’ll ask about it. my favorite is to preface something with “this is an incredibly important question that’s answer might completely change how i think of you” and then the question is something like what his favorite color is

day 13: other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about?

he’s really passionate about what he’s currently getting a degree in, his family, and education in general.

day 14: what is a skill you really wish your tc had?

idk if this is a skill or not but i wish he was more emotionally available. he’s a sweet dude, don’t get me wrong, but the few times i’ve opened myself up to him, he got distant.

day 16: if you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your tc?

honestly? yes, i would. having a crush on this dude is a nightmare and a half, but i really enjoy our dynamic and i don’t think i’d had given him the light of day if i hadn’t liked him.

day 17: if it was the last time you would ever be able to see your tc, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them?

i would tell him how integral he’s been to my growth as a person these last few years and how grateful i am for that.

day 19: how well do you think you know them?

i like to think i know him fairly well. we aren’t super close in terms of what we tell each other, but i definitely know him better than any other student.

day 20: do you ever lie to them? about what?

i’m sure there’s been a white lie every now and then but the biggest lie for sure was that i don’t still have feelings for him. i hate lying about something like that but i had to save my ass and ease his mind.

day 21: what is the longest time you have spent together with them?

about an hour- i once skipped an entire class period to see him and i don’t regret it at all

day 24: when was the last time they made your heart thump?

when he gave me a fistbump and said he was impressed by my entrance exam score. i have no idea how i didn’t just melt into a puddle lol

day 25: how do you think your tc would react if you confided in them when you felt sad or stressed or anxious?

well, he normally sits me down and listens to me ramble about me being stressed out or anxious. then he tries to help me think through why i feel that way and rationalize it. it sounds so lame but his emphasis on logic really helps me think straight and calm down.

day 26: what is the best dream you have had of them?

oh god there’s so many options here. i once dreamt that i had to talk to him after school about something (i don’t remember what exactly), so i stopped by his room. we barely talked beyond exchanging pleasantries but there was this energy in the room that was so loving and he gave me this sweet smile- i haven’t been able to forget the feeling or sight.

day 27: what is the saddest/scariest dream you have had of them?

fuck how do i stay vague about this?? so every now and then i have to go to this office, and though i know it’s not where n works (this office is in the same field as his side hustle), the night before i have to go, i always have a nightmare that he’s the worker i’ll have to deal with. it doesn’t sound bad but if y'all knew what his job was, you would understand lol.

day 29: do you see them as being a romantic person? are you?

he is absolutely not romantic lmao. there’s no way. now, if we were dating, he’d be getting love letters, candlelight dinners, cuddles,, i’d be the definition of romantic lol

day 30: how have they changed since you two first met? how have you changed?

he’s definitely softened up and opened up a lot, especially this past year. but he also seems more tired and fed up with his job- knowing his current students, i can’t blame him, though it does suck seeing him so burnt out. i don’t think i’ve changed much. i’ve definitely matured a bit, and he’s taught me to become more assertive instead of passive. the main change might be how i present myself in front of him.