#fgo fate grand order
Rasputin: You can say “Have a nice day” and sound nice and polite
Rasputin: But you can’t say “Enjoy the next 24 hours” without sounding extremely threatening.
Muramasa: why the fuck are you in my room?
Nobu: [gets a papercut]
Nobokatsu: HASN’T SHE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY?
Chiron: Did you know that if you break a bone it grows back stronger?
Achilles: So, what you’re saying is, I should break every bone in my body and become invincible?
Chiron: …No. That is not what I’m saying at all.
Atalanta: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Bunyan: I saw a frog on the sidewalk today
Atalanta: Outstanding. This is what I’m talking about, people.
First Hassan: I am, as the kids say, awake.
Hassan of the cursed arm: Don’t you mean woke?
First Hassan: Yes, but that’s grammatically incorrect.
BB: God is dead. God wemains dead. And we have kiwwed him. How shaww we comfowt ouwsewves, the mwuwdewews of aww mwuwdewews?? what was howiest and mwightiest of aww that the wowwd has yet owned has bwed to death undew ouw knives: who wiww wipe this bwood off us?? what watew is thewe fow us to cwean ouwsewves?? what festivaws of atonement, what sacwed games shaww we have to invent?? is not the gweatness of this deed too gweat fow us?? mwust we ouwsewves not become gods simpwy to appeaw wowthy of it? UwU
Guda: ARJUNYA GET THE MAHA PRALAYA
Douman: How did you find me?
Guda: Well, we saw a building that was on fire and wondered “Now who could that be?”
Jason: How do you do that? Act like nothing bothers you?
Arjuna: Step one -Bottle up emotions
Jason: Okay—
Jason: Step two - Molotov Cocktail
Guda about literally all of their servants: Bitches say they’re fine and then scream the “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all” in bohemian rhapsody louder than everyone else
Caenis: ARE YOU-
Atalanta: Fucking
Caenis: KIDDING ME?
Mordred: …what was that?
Atalanta: Master banned Caenis from swearing, so I’ve volunteered to help out
Guda: Are you a cuddler?
Dantes, scoffing: I’ve killed multiple people. I am a machine of death and destruction.
Guda:
Dantes: God yes, hold me please
Pollux: i just want to hear those three little words
Castor: i love you
Pollux: try again
Castor: [sighs]
Castor: i will behave
Guda: [nuzzles and hugs Lobo]
Lobo: *growl* special translation: I did not ask for this. These are unauthorized snuggles.
Guda: [pulls away]
Lobo: *growl* special translation: I didn’t say stop
Oryo: Here’s the thing though. Is it still a murder if I give them a heads up?
Ryouma: I think that’s called a threat
Sigurd: I win
Brynhilder: I have you pinned to the ground.
Sigurd: Exactly
Douman: I invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game
Astolfo, nodding: Knife Monopoly
Bradamante:
Sieg:
Douman: I was actually gonna hunt you for sport but what the actual fuck is Knife Monopoly?
Douman: Why are you looking at me through a fork?
Guda: I’m pretending you’re in jail.
Douman: Why?
Guda: It’s spiritually healing.
Mordred: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Jekyll: Myxine Circifrons
Mordred:
Mordred: Fsh
Liz: What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way? Like, I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t wanna fuck a pumpkin, you feel?
Carmilla: …Do you mean excited?
Arjuna: ashvattaman, my other self has been swearing.
Ashvattaman, sighing: I will talk to him.
Ashvattaman, to Arjunya: What the fuck, Arjuna?
Medb: I like my energy drinks like I like my men
Medb: Terrible for my heart and keeping me up all night
Jeanne: *slams open door*
Jeanne: You two are having sex!
Sieg and Astolfo: *sitting on the bed, reading*
Astolfo: Really? Why didn’t you tell me, Sieg? I would have put my book down.
Holmes: Jekyll, can you do me a favor? You can say no.
Jekyll: I would literally die for you but go on.
Jane: Are you going to be able to be civil to Istaroth?
Space Ishtar: I’M perfectly civil. SHE’S the stupid garbage-head doo-doo face
Guda: *kisses Jalter on the cheek*
Jalter: What is this?
Guda: Affection?
Jalter: Disgusting
Jalter:
Jalter: Do it again
Gilgamesh (as a judge): I sentence him to 10 years in prison
Ishtar: Well your honor, maybe I can… Change your mind? ;) *Begins to unbutton her shirt*
Gilgamesh: 20 years
Guda: Change is inedible.
Mash: Don’t you mean “inevitable”?
Guda, spitting out a bunch of pennies: I did not.
Jason: I love the whole “good cop/bad cop” thing you two have going.
Pollux: It’s not really a thing. It’s more like I’m nice, and Castor is not.
Guda: What if Fou was suddenly 20 meters tall?
Paracelsus: Every day I wonder how deeply I offended you that you must seek me out to ask me these questions
Ashvattaman: It takes 26 muscles to smile and 62 to frown, which is why my face is so fucking ripped, I will kick your ass
Guda: Not pale enough to be a vampire (pointing at Vlad)… Not jacked enough to be a werewolf (points at Heracles)…. Not unsettling enough to be a sleep paralysis demon (points at BB)…. Not shitty enough to be a goblin (points at Douman)…. Gnome it fucking is then
Sion: Why is there a photo of Mash on top of the Christmas Tree?
Da Vinci: Master couldn’t decide between a star or an angel so I went with both.
Astolfo: Nice hands, Sieg.
Sieg: Uh, thank you?
Astolfo: I bet they’d look better wrapped around my-
Jeanne: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.
Jalter: Officer I was not resisting arrest I was just being a Tsundere
shibatiko
LB 6 Avalon Ie Fae
