#fifty shades movie

If Fifty Shades or this article triggers you, or you want to talk about it more, contact RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).

By: Lexi Achterhof

I have had over one hundred hours of training as a sexual aggression advocate, from a large Michigan university…and yesterday I decided to go see Fifty Shades of Grey with my roommate. I wanted to view it before judging it too hard; I wanted to get a true glimpse of what its popularity was all about.

Half of me expected to leave the theatre with a ‘totes hilare’ review, making fun of the acting and totally horrible sex scenes. At least, I was hoping to- I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be as blatantly, insidiously abusive as many of my friends had reported it as being. Maybe that hope made me feel better about the fact that I was going to see it, in an audience full of other young women and couples. As a piece of artistic expression, the movie was horrible, but I need to address some other aspects about it, particularly about Ana and Christian’s relationship. I wrote down some of the film’s quotes along the way, and when they’re put in order like this, it’s simple to see how controlling Christian’s behavior actually is.

In the very first scene in which Ana and Christian are pictured together, she notices that he seems to be a ‘control freak.’ When she asks about it, he responds with “I exercise control in all aspects of my life.” Behind all of this is some ambient, romantic music. I couldn’t help but think that if the music was taken away from that scene, no one in the audience would have been smiling.

Shortly following, he shows up at her workplace unannounced, claiming that he was just ‘in the area.’ When he sees Ana with her co-worker Paul, Christian’s eyes narrow, in what quite clearly is a possessive response. When Ana later tells him over coffee that she finds him intimidating, he says “you should,” and later tells her “I’m used to getting my own way.” When he takes her for a helicopter ride, he buckles her in and says “there’s no escaping now.” Many of these scenes got some laughs from the audience; it was chilling that in the very beginning of their relationship, he already was exercising an unhealthy amount of control and possessiveness.

When they have sex for the first time, Christian tells her that he “doesn’t do romance,” and he is unwilling to compromise when she requests that they go on dates like a ‘normal couple.’ Instead, he tells her that he can’t- “it’s the way I am.” He gives Ana an ultimatum: either they have a relationship and she agrees to be his submissive on his terms, or they have no contact at all. All of this shows that he is absolutely unwilling to treat Ana like an equal human being, with boundaries and feelings.

In a more blatantly scary display, he stalks her three times- at work, at a bar, and when she goes to Georgia to visit her mom. Ana hesitates for several days about becoming his submissive, so he tells her that “giving up all control will feel safe. You’ll get used to it,” and reveals that he was a survivor of abuse at 15, by an older adult woman. Ana is made to feel empathy for him, and it is clear that she wants to ‘fix’ him. It’s vital to note that although he was a survivor of abuse, that doesn’t excuse or justify Christian’s behavior towards Ana.  

Ana wants to be with Christian. She just wants a ‘normal relationship,’ where they can sleep in the same bed and go out on dates. The audience sees, multiple times, that he is rigidly unwilling to make this compromise. So when Ana’s mom calls her asking about her new beau, she starts crying. Her best friend and roommate is concerned for her once she sees all the upscale things Christian buys for her, and when her mom asks if he’s making her happy, she responds with “yes. I mean, half of the time.” When Ana is considering signing the contract, but hesitates, Christian gets angry again- he says that he ‘needs’ to punish her, and again, that it’s ‘just the way he is.’

I mean, I guess I can say one good thing about it…Fifty Shades has an awesome

soundtrack. I can’t help but think it was to intentionally distract us from the reality of Christian’s abuse.

I tell you all of this to put the movie in some context. Without the romantic music and hazy, sexy cinematography, Christian’s actions and words are chilling. His behavior is emotionally manipulative, controlling, and outright abusive. I spent much of the movie clenching my fists, with my arms wrapped around myself; the female audience members around me were moaning whenever he took off his shirt onscreen or touched Ana’s face, but my red flags just kept being triggered. Over and over again, I thought to myself, he is abusive. That is abuse.

I tell you this out of concern. I know that millions of people, including young women and girls, will be seeing this movie, and I know that there is no context provided for Christian’s controlling behavior. Nothing that he and Ana does, apart from the very first sex scene, is consensual, and though he pretends to care about consent (with his bizarre contract), there is a total lack of communication there. Ana doesn’t really know what she’s consenting to, and Christian doesn’t seem to care.

So…let’s talk about consent!

First of all, consent is the verbal presence of a yes, not the absence of a no. Healthy, happy consent means that all parties involved are informed- they know exactly what they’re going into, know their safe words, know they can request for their partner(s) to stop at any time, and feel safe where they are and with whomever they are thinking about having sex with. That’s a long definition, I know, but it’s so important. If anyone involved doesn’t feel 100% safe, feels there may be consequences for saying no, or don’t know exactly what they’re consenting to, that is coercion. In Fifty Shades of Grey, Ana is repeatedly coerced. Christian tells her that he will not be willing to enter into any kind of relationship with her unless she does what he requests- in short, that they won’t have any contact unless she agrees to be his submissive. That’s messed up. That’s really messed up. Beyond that, the movie is such an inaccurate portrayal of BDSM; among communities of people that practice BDSM, consent is the number one rule. It is mandatory to make sure that all parties are comfortable, informed, and having a good time…things that never happened in Fifty Shades.

I’m worried because Fifty Shades of Grey is such a powerful, massive cultural media force. Its box office weekend has been huge so far, and the remaining two books are being adapted into films as well. Though it’s a work of fiction, this kind of film has an effect on the culture at large- nothing occurs in a vacuum. It’s insidious, simply because there are so many scenes in the movie that are presented as sexy, with romantic music in the background. Ana looks happy- and then suddenly she doesn’t. She falls in love with him. He gives her gifts, and he tries to make her happy in some scenes.

I write this because I want all of my readers to know that everyone deserves healthy, happy, respectful relationships. You can find someone to have mind blowing sex with who also treats you well, and with respect, all of the time. No one should have to sacrifice personal safety and wellbeing for good sex- whatever your preferences. No matter if someone likes missionary, role play or BDSM, sex always requires informed consent and trust.

This film appalls me. I am disgusted. I am asking everyone who reads this, if they see the film, to think critically about why our culture sees Christian’s behavior as acceptable.  Think about consent, about healthy relationships, about meeting each other in the middle- not demanding things of each other. Ever.

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