#gj tube
I may look like I’m adjusting well to this #tubielife but I’m struggling. I’m struggling with actually understanding how I can’t eat like normal anymore. It has been a sad few days for me because of it. I live in a Caribbean family household and to smell the foods I love so much have been really triggering. I know just trying a little bit would cause dysphagia and who wants to choke on their favorite food?! Not me. I definitely don’t miss the vomiting either. Yet it is a grieving process. My wardrobe is changing because my stoma doesn’t like to be covered and hidden. It gets very slimy and icky wearing a long tshirt over it. Crop tops have the saving grace for me yet I was a little embarrassed about showing my tube. But it is what’s keeping me alive so why hide it?! Why hide being me and comfortable in my own skin because I have a feeding tube. I had to remind myself that having one doesn’t define me nor should change how I feel about myself physically. I’m learning to love my body even through the changes. These changes have been very drastic, yet again it is what’s keeping me alive. I bought some new crop tops a couple of weeks ago. I took these photos a few days ago and I am being to transparent right now, I was nervous to post them. I felt like people would judge me and then I realized I was judging myself by thinking and allow what others may feel and or say. So I’m learning to celebrate this beautiful shell that is constant changing and evolving every day! Learning to love the skin you are in isn’t easy as a person with multiple disabilities, so I take it day by day and moment by moment. I’m proud of where I am right now and I know the more baby steps I make, the more rewarding it will be! Keep fighting!
Ana
♿
I know I have been MIA lately. I’ve been having a lot of health challenges. Not only do I have EDS but I also have gastroparesis. My battle with gastroparesis has been very hard. I was in the hospital for a week and surgery to have a pegj/gj tube placement. I was vomiting so much, I was even vomiting water. It was really bad. It became life or death for me. I’ve been home a week now and my recovery has been very well! Do I miss food?! Not really because I don’t want to have to vomit all day and all night. I have a great imagination so it helps me get through this! As you see at the top that I make my own menus in my head of what I maybe craving. It is fun and keeps me positive about my new journey. I’m grateful for life and to still be here with my family! So that’s my update! I definitely will be back to writing more blogs here! It is so therapeutic and freeing. Stay safe, wear your masks and please social distance! Keep fighting!!
Ana ❤
