#health anxiety
Gotta love when in the middle of the night you feel weird like you might need water or food but it’s not been long enough since you last had either of those to be making you feel like this, so you start to think ‘oh no, what if I’ve suddenly developed like super diabetes and my blood sugar is going crazy? I’m definitely literally dying right now’ and then you realize you forgot your meds last night and now it’s been 48 hours and you just need to take your fucking meds you ding dong. Fun times. Look forward to repeating the experience in another week or two.
Today I had to take a new medication. It’s a laxative powder, so it’s not something that the majority of people have an allergic reaction to. However, I am not the majority of people. I have the strangest reactions to stuff. I’ve had two anaphylactic shock reactions to medication. I had one side effect that three different doctors told me was not a side effect of the medicine I was on, but I went and read like every word of the drug study that was done when the drug was initially being tested and yes indeed, 1% of the people had the same reaction that I did.
So yeah, tonight I had a bit of a freak out for a couple of hours over taking this new medication. I felt lightheaded and short of breath - was that an allergic reaction or was it an anxiety about having an allergic reaction? I was suddenly overwhelmed with fatigue - was that an allergic reaction or was it because I spent the day at the doctor and it was now 8 clock at night? I can’t even trust my own senses to tell me what’s going on in my body anymore. I second-guess everything because of my anxiety. It has been two hours now, so I think I’m probably good tonight, but I hate that past experiences have sent me into such a state that I can no longer tell what’s actually happening in my own body.
When I tell people that I have a severe anxiety disorder related to my health problems, they tend to say “Oh, that’s totally understandable.” But at the same time, I don’t think they really understand. How could an abled person possibly understand what living like this can do to your mental health? I’m living it and even I don’t understand.
This post is so relevant again today. Just tweeted this on Twitter & then remembered this post on Tumblr, lol.
“Just took a new med, every time I take a new med for the first time I exist on the edge of a panic attack. #spoonies #lifeofaspoonie
Allergic reactions to medication in the past include rash, hives, muscle spasms, seizures, anaphylactic shock (twice)
First anaphylactic shock I remember being at dr and him cussing over a busted oxygen tank he wanted for me as i couldn’t breathe…
… & the next thing I knew I was waking up in an ambulance.
This is a med for yeast infection, prob not allergic, but anxiety is 1000x right now.”Response: Jesus. Are you all right?
“Been over 1 1/2hrs & no allergic reaction yet. Thank you for asking! Still hyper aware tho, waiting for shoe to drop, hope it doesn’t.”
Update: Now 4hrs out. Think I’m in the clear! Still not 100% but pretty sure.
Relevant again. I am totally having a mild panic attack. Not a mild “pancake” like autocorrect tried to make it. But a pancake might make me feel better. Hate taking new meds! I’m so freaked right now! And even if I don’t have an allergic reaction, the side effects for this particular medication are dry mouth and confusion, two things I have in abundance as is. This sucks.
